Original subtitles

People! Obviously, there is a lot of emotion surrounding this issue, so why

don't we all take a deep cleansing breath?

And we'll table the bike rack issue until next week.

Yes, darling? Is it possible to move my third year at yoga class because it's

kind of hard to concentrate with all the crying and screaming coming from the

beginner's acupuncture class next door?

That's not my class. That comes from the sex work.

Obviously, there's a lot of emotion surrounding this issue, too.

choosing a president for next year. All in favor of Abby, raise your hand. Oh,

Dharma, please. Let's have a proper election. I'm not a Vita.

Come on, Abby. Nobody ever runs against you.

Well, maybe it's time someone did. And in that spirit, I nominate Dharma.

Really?

People should have a choice.

All right, Marcy. Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no.

Didn't do anything wrong.

Would you please preside over the election while the nominees step

Will the nominees please step outside?

Everybody that wants to do this by a show of hands, raise your hand.

Why did you do that? Because you're a strong, capable person who won't mind

she loses the silly co -op election.

You can come back in now.

Boy, howdy, that was fast.

You ran a good race.

cooperative dharma monk conversation.

People spoke.

Plus, I get to spend more time with your father.

Yay.

Larry, you want some of this cake?

No, no. Larry doesn't eat refined sugar or bleached flour or commercially grown

chocolate. No, I never do. Even when I'm at your house and Abby's not there, I

don't. No, I never do.

Larry, we have to go.

What play are you guys seeing tonight? A wonderful new theater piece called The

Vagina Monologue.

sound interesting?

It does, but it turns out it's just women speaking normally.

Enjoy your dessert.

Bye. Bye. Bye, guys. Thanks.

Love you. Love you, too.

She hates me. My own mother hates me.

Your mother never hated anyone.

So you understand how bad I feel being the first.

Sweatsheds in his underwear.

Yes, I am.

Do you think you could handle a little situation for me? Sure.

Absolutely.

Call, come by the office at any time.

Thanks, I will. I'm so sorry to interrupt your supper.

No, no problem. But it's so good to see you. You look great. Thank you.

Well,

how about that? You get to spend time with one of the world's greatest

and your mother doesn't hate you.

appreciate you coming down here to help me out on my first day, Abby. Oh, well,

wouldn't I help you? Honey, you're our duly elected president.

Not like you staged a bloody coup.

Maybe I should call a locksmith about the door.

Well, good for you. First day on the job making changes left and right.

I'm not going to make a lot of changes, Abby.

Well, honey, you're the president now. If there's something you feel needs to

done, you do it.

You clean up this bulletin board, you can barely see the class schedule.

Well, that's your call, honey. Look at Cat. Cat's been missing for years.

Even if he is still alive, he probably doesn't even look like this anymore.

True. Hands across America.

Over. Told me about Fen -Phen. I don't think so.

Free Nelson Mandela rally.

Well, unless they're giving away free Nelson Mandela's. That's over.

We should call a repairman about that elevator, too.

Oh, yeah, well, we had one in a couple years ago. He put up that nice sign.

Sorry, it's such a mess.

What is all this stuff?

It's the supplies for the juice bar.

Hey, why don't we store it in the broken elevator?

Well, you're just a good idea factory on way to go.

1989, we have to consider the possibility that Whiskers, you know, is

with us.

Trying to tell me my Whiskers is dead?

Or that he's living on a farm with a bunch of children who...

she just hire a real entertainment lawyer?

I don't know. Maybe she got tired of all those high -priced phonies and wanted

to hire someone she could trust.

Or a guy who sells car stereos.

If you're going to pick at me, I'm not going to let you meet her.

You're turning on your friends. Nice. Very Hollywood.

Hello? Hi, hi. Come on in. I hope you don't mind, but I asked a friend of mine

who's with the U .S. Attorney's Office to fit in just in case there are any...

federal issues we need to work on.

I don't think there are.

You worry about the music, I'll worry about the law.

Katie, this is Pete Cavanaugh. Pete, Katie Lang. Hi, Pete. How you doing?

You know, you and my wife have a lot in common. Really? Yeah, she's Canadian.

And she doesn't like sleeping with men either.

Small world.

Okay, here's the thing. I'm just trying to get this... cleaning fee back from

this apartment I sublet last year. Ah, cleaning fee.

You've got the right man here.

Thank you, Pete.

No, if this isn't your thing, I totally understand. Oh, no, no, no. I'm happy to

help you in any way I can.

Okay, well, here's the lease and the number there to the recording studio

you can reach me if you need me. Cool, I'll jump right on this. Thanks. Hey,

hi to Dharma for me. I will. So what are you doing down there at the recording

studio? Are you cutting a record?

Yeah.

Great, great.

How long has it been since you cut one?

Record.

It's been a couple of years. Anyway, I've got to go. Thanks. Okay, all right.

Catch you on the flip side.

Hey, Greg. What?

Ask me how long it's been since I cut one.

Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?

Got to take the door back to the shop.

What?

It's an old door.

Can't tell what's going on until we x -ray it.

smart girl.

We'll have it back to you in a couple of days.

Hang on, hang on. Don't you have a loaner door or something?

A loaner door?

That's good.

I'm going to use that.

What are they doing with our door? Oh, it wasn't locking right.

Oh.

This is much better.

Oh, Susan, Susan, please, can you do me a huge favor?

Claire's taking the day off. Can you take her sex for seniors, please?

I'll take them outside.

and hose them down. How about that?

Don't show them a dirty movie. What is it?

Come on, corn dogs.

Follow me.

Yeah, hi. I'm calling for the San Francisco Alternative Educational Co

mom said you're the guys who fix our heat.

No, no, no. That's the Holistic Educational Co -op. We're on Cole

No, that's the Institute for Alternative Education. We're across the street, two

doors down.

I'm sorry, but we can't keep it in the elevator because it doesn't lock and

bird brain just gave away our front door.

That's President Bird Brain to you.

my new fun thing, my summer place.

That was great, Katie.

Really incredible.

She can't hear you.

Try it now.

That was great!

I'll come in.

I'm Katie's attorney. I'm handling some real estate matters for her.

Super.

What'd you think?

Me? to know what I thought?

Very catchy, very snappy.

Summer Fling.

I can't get it out of my head. It's a hit.

Go ahead, tell that to the record company. They don't hear it as a single.

They don't think it's a single? It's more than a single. It's a home run.

Anywho, I brought these papers for you to sign. I should be able to get that

deposit for you ASAP, Katie.

They're all letters. Anyway, I gotta go.

Okay. Well, I really... appreciate this thank you so much well i i really

appreciate what you do i mean because you know nobody does it better i mean

that's carly simon i know but she's good but she's no you now i'm late

bye yeah hi i called earlier about the heat and no one has shown

up yet yeah well i've got a colonic irrigation workshop on the third floor

there are people up there Actually freezing their butts off.

Have your guys come see me. My office is in the elevator.

Because you can't store food in an elevator when some bird brain gives away

front door.

when I won the election and she set me up to fail.

What? How?

Okay, I said, hey, why don't we clean up the bulletin board? She said, fine. I

said, why don't we fix the door? She said, good idea.

I moved my office into the elevator. She said I was smart. Get it? See the

pattern?

You know the door's gone? I know the door's gone.

Okay, I think that's got it.

Okay, easy does it.

Hold on to me.

It sounds to me like she's been nothing but supportive.

Oh, yeah, that's the plan, Greg.

She's supportive while she gives you just enough rope to hang yourself.

you me, Greg. She's a diabolical genius who will stop at nothing till she gets

her little mitts on that presidential sword.

This woman... Betty.

Betty. Betty.

Silver spoon.

Betty is plotting to take your job.

Right. You know, I had a similar situation a few years back. Some young

trying to squeeze me out.

What did you do?

I promoted him. I made him chief operating officer.

Really? Yeah. Then I set up a shell corporation, transferred the assets out,

the original company go bankrupt, leaving him in the hot seat.

He's cleaning pools for a living now.

Does a pretty good job.

He's very clever, Edward, but takes too long.

Let me tell you something, darling.

When Evelyn Lansdale tried to push me off the refreshment committee of the

Women's Auxiliary, I told anyone who would listen that she had never had an

affair with a plastic surgeon. Not even when she was drunk.

Were people saying she had?

Not till I denied it.

What happened to her?

Well, I can tell you for a fact, she is not selling cosmetics out of the trunk

of her car. Wink, wink.

You just ruined these people's life.

They started it.

Well, thank you so much. I still have them.

A lot of really great ideas to work with. Good. Oh, wait.

Wait a minute, Edward. Edward, tell her about that fellow you turned into the

IRS for tax evasion.

Yes, that's a cute story.

I was in a little fender bender, probably my fault. Then the jackass sued

I'm going to show myself out there. Stop, Tanya.

Go on, Edward. I love this story. I love it.

Hey, Charlie, let's take it from the top of the second chorus.

Hey, how's the man behind the music?

Hey, Dee, he's back.

Hey, Greg.

Great news. I called your lawyer in Vancouver, and I got the record

You're right. You can't pick the single, but what you can do is kill the album,

which I did.

You did what? I killed the record, but relax.

It's just a negotiating technique. We play a little hardball, and they gave

the single.

great. It was the single.

Mission accomplished.

You took my mother to class.

Yep. Was she suspicious?

Well, yeah, a little. It's a menopause workshop. I was the only one there with

eggs.

What did you find out?

Sometimes after the change, you get a little pooch, but you can just wear a

shirt. What about me? Did my name come up?

No.

Do you think my name didn't come up on purpose?

This new class schedule makes no sense.

Susan, calm down. I'm sure Dharma has a plan.

We never had this problem with you, Abby.

Your daughter's drunk with power.

Or just drunk.

Yeah,

that's it. That's why she reminds me of my mother.

Schedule? Who says it?

I don't know. Maybe we should ask Abby.

Why ask me? Oh, come on. Who else has something to gain by making me look bad?

How can you say that? I've been nothing but supportive.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Clean up the bulletin board. Fix the door. Good idea. You call that

Yeah.

Okay, well, maybe on the outside it does look kind of good, huh? Yeah, but what

about the schedule? Who else would...

Because when your mother was president, I had time to myself.

Time to eat meat and cake and watch kung fu movies, you know?

And now, I'm stuck in the front row of the vagina monologues with a baggie full

of trail mix and I hate it.

I know hate is not a helping word and I don't care. I hate it.

This is so good.

family's crazy.

Oh, Mom, I'm so sorry.

Oh, sweetie, that's all right. You weren't thinking clearly. You know, I

stuck in the wall.

Oh, well, honey, no one knows better than I the weight of the mantle that is

presidency of the San Francisco Alternative Educational Cooperative.

Thank you. You're the most forgiving woman in the whole world.

She sure is.

Come on, Larry.

Okay, but you know, when I said I ate meat, I meant the figurative meat. The

meat of life.

All right. I know a lot has gone on in the past week, and

I've made some changes, and I've upset some people, and hurt some feelings, so

let's just deal with this right now.

what does it look like?

All right, we'll just bring it back as soon as we find it, okay?

You have our address. It's on the door.

Hi. Hey, check it out. Katie sent me her new CD.

Oh, that's nice. Look, read the liner notes. Special thanks right after us.

Heather for the fruit smoothies and Derek for walking my dog.

Greg Montgomery.

The record company cave. They went with our single. That's great.

You're still fired, right? Oh, God, yes.

I'm going to have my hands full. Go.