Original subtitles

Look, hit with the hook, Lieutenant.

Are you as appalled as I am?

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Forget appalled. I'm shocked. This is so unfair.

You don't get it, do you? I haven't got a clue.

It's our room confirmation for Valentine's Day. Just read the part I

highlighted. Junior suite, partial ocean view. Partial. I reserved a full ocean

view. Well, damn it.

Tell them to get the hose and fill that ocean.

You make fun, but trust me, a partial ocean view isn't nearly as romantic.

Well, not if we're having sex and you're complaining that you can't see the

ocean.

So then we're agreed.

Yes, this is Greg Montgomery. I have a reservation for a full ocean view room,

but your confirmation letter says partial ocean view.

Yes, I will.

Don't make him cry, honey.

Yes. Well, since it was your mistake, I think an apology would be in order.

Oh, he's going to cry just like that woman from the gas company.

Apology accepted.

Full ocean, terrific. And what's your name?

Well, Jeffrey, I hate to tell you you're running a sloppy operation, but I also

noticed you don't have my credit card number.

Yes, 3727.

Can you hold on a sec?

Hello?

Yes, she is. Who am I? Say again?

Hold, please.

Jeffrey, I have to call you back. Bob Dylan's on the other line.

Why would I make that up?

Bob Dylan, I have Dharma for you.

I'm her husband, Greg.

Hey, Roberto, how's it blowing?

Uh -huh.

Well, that depends.

Who made that decision, Bob's heart or Bob's head? How do you know Bob Dylan?

Didn't I tell you? No.

Bob, hang on a second.

Okay, remember when I was playing drums in that garage band?

No, no, talk to Bob Dylan!

Could you get the door, honey?

Yeah.

Sure.

Sorry, Bob. Go on.

Oh, no, that's fine. I'm happy to talk to any of your friends. As long as they

understand that I only offer suggestions, they're the ones that

lives.

No, you're so cool.

No, you're so cool.

and personal matters, and Bob said if I was ever in San Francisco, your wife was

the person to talk to you.

What?

Hi, Lyle.

I'm Dharma.

Hi.

I know I should have called. I hope this

isn't a bad time.

Well, my husband and I were just leaving for the weekend. Dharma, Dharma.

Call me Lyle. Lyle.

Lyle, love it.

Be right back. Make yourself at home. Lyle.

Look, I have no idea what's going on here, but do you really think that

now is the right thing to do?

Well, we have plans, and he did show up unannounced. I mean, that's a little

rock star rude, don't you think?

He'll hear you.

Come on. Lyle Lovett's in there. He's all screwed up, and he needs your help.

Come on, how great is that?

Well, I can talk to him on Monday. Well, what if he's all better by Monday?

Well, then I guess one of us will be happy for him.

I can't take that chance.

Why don't I just call the hotel and tell them we're running a little bit late?

Okay. Call him if he starts singing.

Yes, is this Jeffrey? Yeah, this is Greg Montgomery. We just spoke.

Yes, the gentleman will have to take an urgent call from the Beatles.

How can I help you, Mr Montgomery?

I just wanted to let you know we're running a little late, and I just wanted

be sure you'd hold the room.

Mr Montgomery, you don't have a room.

What do you mean?

Well, even a sloppy operation like ours requires a confirmed reservation.

Without one, we were compelled to give your room away.

But I have a confirmed reservation. I gave you my credit card number.

When Neil Diamond fell.

Come on, Jeff. I'm sure you've got another room in the place somewhere.

It's Jeffrey.

Now, let's see. You gave me a partial credit card number. Why don't I

reciprocate with a partial ocean view?

That'll be fine.

We'll be there later tonight.

We'll leave a lat on for you.

It's funny. I've got everything a man could ask for, and yet I feel the hole

inside, the emptiness.

Go on.

And nobody really knows because I hide behind this big, happy face.

Hey, Lyle, can I get you something to drink? How about a tall, frosty one?

Sure, that'd be great. You got it, partner.

Maybe it's physical.

Are you getting enough rest? Do you sleep well?

Like a bass player.

Hey, hey, hey, this ought to wash the dust off of those spurs.

want to embarrass you but i am a huge fan you know going way back like before

anybody liked you thank you honey lyle has some stuff he wants to talk about

it's kind of personal the thing that's bothering you now you think you'll turn

it into one of your songs correct could you give us a few minutes oh sure i have

you on vinyl you know records he's a big fan

There was a time when the adulation of others was all I needed to get through

the night.

Well, good morning. It's time for Lyle to love himself.

Ouch.

I wanted to show you this.

I took lessons when I was a kid.

You know, in camp.

In camp?

Yeah, you pick two sports and one art. You know, I did swimming, archery, and

guitar.

It's very nice.

You can have it if you want.

Thanks. Right.

I want to be happy like him.

Look at my guitar. I got it at camp, idiot.

Oh, Mr Montgomery, thank goodness we were getting worried about you.

Jeffrey, it looks like we're not going to make it tonight.

Oh, well, you're in love. It's still early. We have a list of couples just

waiting for your room, so you won't be challenged. No, no, we're not

You're not cancelling, but you're not coming.

Well, we're just an enigma wrapped in a riddle, aren't we, Mr Montgomery?

We'll be there tomorrow.

Oh, I'm sorry, the Valentine's package requires a minimum three nights' stay.

These are special circumstances. I've got Lyle Lovett crying in my living

Really? No.

Was it something the Pope said to him?

Look, charge me now for all three nights and we'll be there first thing in the

morning. Very well, Mr. Montgomery. And if I'm not at the front desk in the

morning, do feel free to talk to our day manager, the late, great Mr. Hugh

Brenner.

Morning, doggie.

Did you guys eat a cowboy?

My point is, the music industry can suck the life right out of you, and I know.

I used to work at Sam Goody.

They so stifled his creativity.

It's all about selling records.

Nothing's changed.

Morning. Morning.

Hey, Greg. Greg, hey. What are you doing here?

House sitting. What are you doing here?

Greg, you have to try Lyle's Flapjack.

He's making them in the shape of animals.

You get rabbit.

Thanks.

Excuse me.

1972, I said to Mr. Goody, not his real name, that someday all music would be

sold electronically over the Internet.

You knew about the Internet in 1972?

Only I didn't call it the Internet then. I called it the World Hive Brain.

They said he was crazy.

Lyle Lovitch making breakfast for your parents in the kitchen.

I thought I smelled pancakes.

Why is he still here?

Oh, it was late and he crashed on the couch. He slept on the couch?

He's a musician. They can sleep curled up in a sink.

This is a real big breakthrough for him. What is?

The pancakes.

Did he have a fear of pancakes?

Lyle's an artist. He lives in his head. So I thought by encouraging him to do

simple chores.

You know, like cooking.

He could find his way back to the present moment, which is where happiness

I guess in the context of the things that have happened since I met you, that

makes sense.

Morning, boys.

You fellas ready for some pancakes?

Oh.

I want Lyle. I spent a little more time here, so can we leave later for the

hotel?

Well...

for all three nights.

But hey, how often do you get to hang out with Lyle Lovett?

Thank you. Oh, whatever you do, don't talk about his music.

You're kidding.

Oh, and don't bring up the movies. That's a real bugaboo. But without that,

just some skinny guy making pancakes.

Exactly. But you have to let him figure that out for himself.

I wonder what I could get for this on eBay.

Hey.

Hey. Did you get a new job?

Nope, but you know what's really cool?

Come in here, cut up some cheese and hand it out.

Nobody stops you.

Oh, tasty.

Thought you and Greg were going away for the weekend.

Well, we're still going. I'm just helping out a friend of mine.

I got the yam.

Honey, those are sweet potatoes.

Aren't they the same thing? No, sir.

Wow.

Is that a lot of love? Yeah.

Weird. Well, you'd think a grown man would know the difference between a

potato and a ham.

This is dry clean only.

It's cold water, delicate cycle, drip dry.

You can do that?

Who's gonna stop you?

Grandma, I can't tell you how much fun I'm having just doing simple, everyday

things again.

I'm having fun, too.

Good, that makes me happy. We're both happy.

Happy, happy.

Slappy, happy.

Slappy, happy, pappy.

Slappy, happy, pappy.

You know, maybe we ought to open a window if we're going to keep working

this piney stuff.

Slappy, happy, piney, hiney.

Would it be possible to get a table with a view?

How about a partial view?

We're nice -looking people. You're going to want us in the dining room.

Fine. Whatever you have.

Hey, Greg? Yeah?

Is it possible I just saw popular country singer Lyle Lovett sweep in your

carpet?

No.

Okay.

Hey, Maggie, you have the number of where we're going to be?

On the refrigerator.

Don't hesitate to call.

I won't. You'll be fine.

Oh, honey, there's not a lot of food in the house. Give him $40.

You two go have a great Valentine's, and don't worry about me.

Don't forget to write in your feelings journal.

I feel kind of silly doing that.

You feel silly?

I guess I should write that down.

That's my boy.

Starma, could you explain all this to me again?

Explain what? Well, just...

Start at Bob Dylan and I'll stop you when it makes sense.

Jeffrey, we're on our way.

Just the two of you?

Or should I set up a rollaway in case the irrepressible Rita Moreno drops by?

You're a very funny man.

Listen, I know the dining room stops serving at nine. Is there any way that

could get them to wait for us? No, not really.

Well, what if we order now and we put it on my credit card? That way it's paid

for no matter what.

Well, I suppose.

Valentine's dinner comes with a choice of chili and sea bass or rack of lamb.

One of each.

Very good, sir.

I think you'll enjoy it.

Our guest chef this evening is the divine Miss M.

Another good one.

See you soon.

Well, we're all set.

Good.

That was going to be fine, right?

Yeah. Of course.

I got you the T -Bass.

Did you leave him the cell phone number? I think so.

You think or you know?

He'll be fine.

Yeah, he'll be fine.

for you. You know, candlelight dinner, ocean view, or partial ocean view.

How's this for a partial view?

Why do I ever leave the house?

Hey, hey.

I love it's playing my guitar.

I was a very young man.

And singing.

It's like our own private concert.

Best in the land.

I made some pancakes.

Got me some yams. What was wrong with the first thing? I don't know.

I had to wash me some clothes.

of singing and storytelling, but I didn't think that I'd be waking up to

sound of him gargling in my bathroom.

Cock -a -doodle -doo.

Morning.

Hi, Lyle. Can I talk to you for a minute? I'll leave. No, no, both of you.

I really appreciate the time I've spent here.

I feel recharged, like I've got a new set of tools to build a stronger,

Lyle.

Drake, though, I'm just going to pack up my stuff.

Oh, great. I signed those CDs for you. Oh, thank you.

And I put them back in alphabetical order like you had them.

Right between Loverboy and Luau Favorites.

Oh, man, he's leaving.

Remember, when life seems overwhelming and like nothing makes sense.

I know.

Yard work.

I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you, too.

Listen, Dharma.

If a friend of mine needed your help, it'd be all right if I hooked the two of

you up, wouldn't it?

Absolutely. Good, because I was talking to a buddy of mine last night. Good

morning. Who's ready for breakfast?

And I took the liberty of getting her started on the program.

Listen to this woman.

She's very wise.

That's what Bob said.

When you make a bid, hospital corners on his side only.

Greg, I want to thank you for making me feel at home.

Anytime, Lyle.

Come here, cowboy.

I might just write a song about all this. I knew it. Remember when I said

You said it, honey.

And remember, a lot of stuff rhymes with Greg.

Hi.

Dharma. Katie.

Oh, you're in a lot of pain, aren't you?

Let me guess, you are the proud parents of Mr. Gregory Montgomery.

Well, I'm proud, but there's no pleasing her.

Well, I'm afraid I've got some very bad news for you. I've given this room away.

Oh, dear Lord, to whom?

To some friends of his, perhaps you know them. King Farouk and the Queen of

Sheba.

Do you have two single rooms?