Original subtitles

Okay, Mommy and Daddy are going to a concert tonight, so we're going to be

late. Remember the rules.

No rough housing.

You can use the microwave, but not the oven.

And no going on the Internet pretending you're 14 -year -old girls.

Stinky.

What do you think?

Wow.

They're my rock concert pants.

Great. I always wear these to rock concerts.

Excellent. I bought them ten years ago for a Huey Lewis concert, but it still

fit.

They sure do.

You're right. I look like an idiot. I'll go change.

Hello?

Hey, Jane. You getting ready to rock and roll?

You're kidding. We've had these tickets for months.

What's going on?

Team Jane got into a fight and now they can't go.

It's Aerosmith. They can fight there. No one will hear them.

What's the fight about?

Uh -huh.

The recliner.

Melted butter.

Oh, I'm going to have to go with Pete on that one. An enema is never a nice

surprise.

What are they fighting about?

The usual.

Don't worry. We'll find somebody else.

Bye. Well, got two extra tickets to Aerosmith. Which lucky friend should we

call?

Steve, Greg Montgomery.

Yeah, yeah, it has been a while. Listen, Darman and I have a couple of extra

tickets to see Aerosmith tonight. You guys want to come?

Oh, well, maybe next time.

Okay, tell Elaine I said hi.

Oh, of course.

Marilyn.

Sorry. When did he divorce Elaine?

A couple extra tickets to the Aerosmith concert tonight. Thought maybe you and

the Big Beaver might want to join us.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the concert's more than 90 feet away from your house.

Okay, well you just give us a call when you get that ankle bracelet off.

How's the rest? I think...

Want to just call some wrong numbers, see if we find anybody?

Now I met Jane.

I'm sure no listing under Spider McNamara.

Okay, how about under Spidey?

How about Spidey Macaroon?

We'll check under his wife's name, Lorna Dune.

Lorna Dune Macaroon.

Hey, Arnie, Greg Montgomery.

You remember from archery camp.

Well, what do you think? Abby and Larry would love to see Aerosmith. No, we are

grown -ups. We have our own friends. We don't have to go to a concert with your

parents. Now, think.

Okay, Abby, maybe some other time.

Going up?

Thanks, Pete.

You coming?

Can't. Why not?

Jane put super glue on the button.

Why did she do that?

I don't know.

Because she's crazy is why.

Where is she now? I hope she's packing. I lost her in a card game.

We definitely need new friends.

Now, it was just one concert. Don't obsess about it.

I'm not obsessing, but think about it.

Besides Jane and Pete, we have no couple friends we can go to concerts with or

dinner or away for the weekend.

And what about our kids? If we don't have couple friends who have kids, who

our kids going to play with? No one. They'll grow up to be sad, lonely people

who talk to themselves and don't take care of their yards properly.

Honey, we don't have kids. And we shouldn't until we get our act together.

This is what I mean by obsessing.

You know who could be our friends, Paul and Sarah Marsh?

Sure, of course.

Do we know a Paul and Sarah Marsh?

He was a lawyer at the Justice Department. His wife's like a sculptor

something, and he always wanted us to get together.

Well, they sound perfect.

How many kids don't they have?

I can't believe you were at the Aerosmith concert, too.

Fifth row center.

Eighth row center.

Were you near that crazy woman who kept screaming, Turn it down!

Um, yeah, pretty close.

Uh, who's ready for some dessert? Count me in.

Just a minute.

So, how did you two meet?

Oh, well, do you want to tell it or should I? Go ahead. Okay, well, I was

working at this coffee shop down the street from the Catholic seminary where

Paul was going. Wait a minute.

You were studying to be a priest?

Uh -huh.

hearing some call from God?

Well, yeah, I suppose.

Okay, so God's calling, you put him on hold, and you go out with her.

That is the most romantic love story I have ever heard in my entire life.

Isn't it?

Oh, this is so cool.

Okay, now let me ask you a question, Paul.

How did you know that she was your true love and not some temptation set up by

Satan to lure you away from God?

traditions, there's always a test of faith.

So how did you know that she wasn't just that?

I mean, look at her.

If Satan were to set a trap, he'd certainly use a hotsy -totsy piece of

like Sarah.

I'm sorry, what?

Oh, come on, you're gorgeous. You could make an archbishop by a lap dance.

Forgive me, Lord.

I have forsaken my true vocation and yielded to the temptations of the flesh.

Grant that I might be your humble servant once again.

Amen.

Come on. How could I have known?

He was weeping.

I just asked a simple question. No, no, no. A simple question is, seen any good

movies lately?

Hot enough for you? Anything except, did you know your wife was sent by Satan?

That is not fair.

All I said was, did you ever consider the possibility that your wife was sent

Satan?

Hey. Hey, Jane.

Can I use your shower? Sure.

Jane.

Anything wrong? You look a little blue.

My idiot husband put dye in the shower head.

Jane, why are you walking around naked?

Because I'm going to take a shower.

You know, what happened to Paul and Sarah tonight was going to happen

eventually. Maybe 20 years from now, in the meantime, we would have had friends.

A fallen priest and the devil's handmaiden.

Have you guys seen Jane? No.

No. Okay, sorry to bother you.

Look, whatever happened, happened. But I think we can agree that Paul and Sarah

are not going to be our new couple friend. Oh, yeah, I think that's safe to

Maybe it's time we stop digging through the address book and start going out and

meeting new people. And how do you propose we do that?

Well, let's think.

What are we looking for in France?

Are you sure? There's a blue footprint, Zen, right at your door.

Maybe she backtracked.

Tricky little mix.

Well, we know what we're not looking for.

Well, nice meeting you.

Enjoy your stay in America.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Later, Hosen.

Okay, we're 0 for 4.

You want to go back to Ikea? No.

Oh, what about a Volvo dealership?

I don't think so.

Nine o 'clock, dockers and a blue sweater.

Aren't we kind of robbing the cradle?

No.

They'll keep us young and we'll buy them beer.

Follow my lead.

Do you have a plan?

You guys come here often?

We're members.

Members.

You hear that? They're members.

Say something.

Your pants are like my pants.

Just walk away.

Your pants are like my pants?

Yeah, but you don't want to eat like a pig and make a bad first impression.

Okay.

Wait a minute. Is that what you're going to wear?

Yeah.

I can see your belly button.

What are they going to think?

I don't know.

That I was fed through an umbilical cord and I'm out of it?

Um, let's take a sweater.

Hey, you never told me.

How'd you hook up with this couple? Um, they were, uh, they were recommended.

Recommended? By who?

By whom?

Greg, answer the question.

My mother.

We got picked up by your mom?

Like we were doing so well on our own?

Greg, are we that lame?

If we were horses, they would shoot us.

Did you ever think we'd meet another couple we had that in common with?

You came from catalog, too?

I'm sorry, what?

I met Betty through a service.

You mean a dating service?

I think he means more like the postal service.

Got her mail order.

The Russian girls are real popular now, but you don't want one of those big bone

gals walking on your back.

Forgive me? for being judgmental, but don't you feel exploited by this

arrangement? Oh, no. I don't have to sleep with him. I just tie him up and

him names.

He likes that very much.

Ain't that right, stinky boy?

How exactly do you know my mother?

I do her nails.

should order? Where the heck's the waiter?

You want to see good feet?

Show them your feet, sissy man.

Well, that was pretty unpleasant.

Stinky boy did have beautiful feet.

We should thank your mom.

Maybe buy her some corn pads.

Problem? No, we're all right. I have triple A.

Use mine.

Oh, thanks.

AAA's number four on the speed dial. Not number one?

I went alphabetically.

I considered that.

Sweet car.

Oh, thanks.

My husband hates her.

Why? Well, he says she stalls out a lot. Of course, it's only when he's driving.

Think maybe she doesn't like him? Wouldn't be surprised.

Always talking about trading her in.

Well, there you go. Her feelings are hurt.

Classic grudge stall.

What's her name?

Sally. Of course. Greg, the Mustang's name is Sally. Isn't that cute?

My wife's idea. I understand. We have a toaster named Pop -Up Willie.

Greg. Doug. Darman. Cynthia.

Doug. Darman. Cynthia.

Greg.

and Doug on their machine about dinner tonight and they never called back.

Huh. I didn't get an answer to the email I sent Doug about playing golf.

That's weird.

Not too eager.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Cynthia. We were just talking about Utah.

Utah.

Well, we were discussing the states and, well, we're almost done. Listen, how's

dinner tonight for you guys?

Well, what about tomorrow? I think we're free tomorrow.

Oh.

Well, what about Sunday?

No, I take it back.

Sunday's bad. We are definitely booked on Sunday.

Unless you're free, then we could probably shuffle some stuff around.

have been, it's not completely out of the blue. I mean, you have been coming

pretty strong.

What?

You invited them to meet your parents. Don't you think it's a little soon for

that? Well, excuse me, but I'm not the one who used the L word.

What?

We love you guys.

We love you guys. You said it like 12 times.

I'd had a couple of glasses of wine. It felt kind of good to say it.

Now you've scared them off.

We don't know that. They're probably having a quiet dinner by themselves.

Let's find out.

Stormy, you can't call somebody up and ask them that they're dumping you.

Right. But we can go see what they're doing without us.

Oh, you mean stalk them. No, stalking is what crazy people do. We are not crazy.

We're just going to see if they're cheating on us.

Oh, well, that's reasonable.

If we'd taken my car instead of your father's dumb van, I wouldn't have lost

him. They know your car. And what did I tell you about calling this van D -U -M

-B?

Oh, there's the Mustang. Pull over, pull over.

See him anywhere?

restaurant we took them to.

when you stopped smoking those awful cigars. Needless to say, the car stayed.

What a surprise!

Dharma. Cynthia.

Greg. Doug. Doug. Dharma.

What have we here?

These are our friends, Richard and Patricia. Richard and Patricia.

Is that so?

You hear that, Greg?

They're their friends.

Dharma, honey, I think maybe we crossed some kind of line here.

We thought we had something with you people.

What is she talking about?

I don't know. I thought I knew, but it turns out I don't. Dharma, honey, time

go.

Here.

Obviously, this meant nothing to you.

For the record, I love you guys. It's just a figure of speech.

Bye now.