All language subtitles for Dharma & Greg s03e06 The very ungrateful dead
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1
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:13,740
And so we commit to the ground the
earthly remains of Doris Haviland, ashes
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00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:15,800
to ashes and dust to dust.
3
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:17,520
Oh, that's kind of a downer.
4
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:20,720
I didn't write it.
5
00:00:23,220 --> 00:00:24,260
Just let him finish.
6
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:26,880
Don't you think we should say something?
We barely knew her.
7
00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:29,200
Well, we can beat dust to dust.
8
00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:32,800
I'd like to say something, please.
9
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Dearly beloved.
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It's just me, Dharma.
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When you're dear and you're beloved.
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00:00:42,340 --> 00:00:44,380
Doris Haviland lived in our building.
13
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She was a neighbor in the truest sense
of the word. She was a person who lived
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near us in our building.
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00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,540
That was beautiful.
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Thanks. Greg, do you want to say
anything? No, no, you...
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Clearly knew her better than I did.
18
00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:11,550
And now, let us bow our heads and bid
farewell silently.
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00:01:13,810 --> 00:01:16,590
To Doris, your journey has come to an
end.
20
00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:28,270
I don't think so.
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00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,120
I'm sorry, honey. Go back to sleep.
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It's just a ghost.
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00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:17,510
Sounded like you had a pretty spooky
dream last night. Oh, boy, it was awful.
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Thank God Doris's ghost woke me up.
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Uh -huh.
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00:02:22,630 --> 00:02:25,550
So, do you want to do something today?
Maybe see a movie? Oh, maybe when I get
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00:02:25,550 --> 00:02:26,550
back, yeah. Where are you going?
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00:02:26,650 --> 00:02:29,090
Well, I have to go to the post office
and buy some stamps. And then I thought
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I'd help the landlord pack up Doris's
stuff.
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And see if I can't figure out why she is
haunting the physical realm.
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Bye, honey.
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The post office, you say?
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Hey. Hey.
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You've been down here a long time.
Everything okay?
35
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Craig, I feel terrible. Five years I
lived in the same building with this
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and I knew nothing about her.
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Like, I had no idea she collected hats.
38
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:05,060
I wonder what made her collect hats.
39
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,340
I don't know. Maybe, uh, stamps didn't
keep her head warm.
40
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:13,360
What is that smell?
41
00:03:14,540 --> 00:03:15,540
Menthol.
42
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:17,700
Dorsal menthol.
43
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,120
Look, her last pack, not even finished.
44
00:03:20,420 --> 00:03:22,300
Yeah, that's usually the way it works.
45
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:29,100
What exactly are you looking for? I told
you, Greg, Doris had some unfinished
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business that's keeping her spirit from
moving on, and I have to find it. Dorma,
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there's no goat. You had a dream.
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00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,500
Well, what about seeing Doris in the
graveyard? How do you explain this? The
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same way I explained it when it
happened. You saw a statue lit up by
50
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No, Greg, you saw a statue lit up by
lightning. I saw Doris.
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00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,840
tethered to this earthly plane because
she didn't pick up her dry cleaning?
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You would be.
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00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:01,740
The only thing hanging around here is 40
years of cigarette smoke. There are no
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00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:05,680
ghosts, goblins, vampires, demonic black
cats, or anything.
55
00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:06,900
Ah, okay.
56
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:10,560
So there's a cat.
57
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Doesn't seem like unfinished business.
58
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I know, that's what I thought.
59
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Ordinary dry cleaning.
60
00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:21,500
Okay, how about this needlepoint now?
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00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:23,340
Okay.
62
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If at first you don't suck.
63
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,380
Well, I certainly hope that's unfinished
business.
64
00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:35,120
Yeah, it's probably not enough to keep
her spirit roaming the air. I doubt it.
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She'd come to you for something you
could do.
66
00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:38,660
Well, I needlepoint.
67
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,780
Oh, of course you do, darling.
68
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This is really good work.
69
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,840
What's she doing here? She called. She
wants to borrow some clothes.
70
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,840
Come on. What's she really doing here?
71
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She wanted to borrow something.
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00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:58,520
Oh, hello, dear.
73
00:04:58,780 --> 00:05:02,880
Hi. Hi. I'm sorry to come in the back
way, but there's a rather large hole in
74
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:03,679
your front yard.
75
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,340
Yeah, sorry about that, Larry.
76
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,260
Digging a Y2K shelter.
77
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,720
Isn't that resourceful?
78
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:13,800
Yep. When all the computers in the world
stop working, he and I can go out and
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00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:14,800
lie down in the hole.
80
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,240
Well, an ounce of prevention.
81
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:20,780
Anyway, about the clothes.
82
00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:23,300
You really are borrowing my mom's
clothes?
83
00:05:23,580 --> 00:05:24,940
Why? Is that so odd?
84
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,340
Yes, Kitty, that is so odd.
85
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Well, your mother always looked very
comfortable, and I just thought that,
86
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Oh, heck.
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00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:39,140
Edward and I have been invited to a
costume party, and I thought we would go
88
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a couple of old hippies.
89
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,200
Oh, I hope I haven't offended you.
90
00:05:44,350 --> 00:05:47,470
Why should I be offended? You just want
to wear my everyday clothes as the
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Halloween costume.
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00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:49,970
Yes!
93
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Yeah, well, okay.
94
00:05:53,630 --> 00:05:54,630
Let's go look.
95
00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:59,130
Just hope I can find something that's
not way too big for you in the bust.
96
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Doris's diary.
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She never married, Greg. I think she
died a virgin.
98
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:23,600
Too bad you didn't know that. It would
have added some color to the eulogy.
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Listen to this.
100
00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:28,620
December 6, 1941.
101
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,059
Good news.
102
00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:31,880
Fred will be home on leave soon.
103
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I've decided to give myself to him
fully.
104
00:06:35,380 --> 00:06:40,440
I'll finally know what it means to be a
woman. Also looking forward to hear more
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wonderful stories about Pearl Harbor.
106
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:51,440
Stop thinking about Fred.
107
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,840
Mother suggested I cheer myself up with
a new hat.
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00:06:55,940 --> 00:06:57,980
Sounds like a good idea. Come on.
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00:06:58,540 --> 00:06:59,540
Let's go to bed.
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00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:05,380
I'm finally going to lose my virginity.
My cousin Nancy fixed me up with a
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00:07:05,380 --> 00:07:07,000
handsome young actor, a Mr.
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take a look.
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Hey.
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Good morning.
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00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,080
Thank you. No.
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Come on, the sex was unbelievable. It
was more than unbelievable. It was... It
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00:08:03,310 --> 00:08:04,310
was circus sex.
118
00:08:06,210 --> 00:08:09,790
Last night? I didn't know where you were
going with the hat and the cigarette,
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00:08:09,910 --> 00:08:11,750
but I'm glad you took me with you.
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Unfinished business.
121
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What? She never had sex, Greg. She
possessed my body. No, I see where this
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going.
123
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So she can have sex with you.
124
00:08:48,630 --> 00:08:49,770
No, that's not it.
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Abby said she'd come to me for something
I was good at.
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00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:58,770
lose her virginity.
127
00:08:58,950 --> 00:09:02,430
No, Dharma, listen to me. You've been
going through this woman's stuff. You've
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00:09:02,430 --> 00:09:05,490
been staying up all night reading her
diary. Don't you see what's happening
129
00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:06,490
here? Yes.
130
00:09:06,770 --> 00:09:09,250
You and I helped deflower a dead woman.
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00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:13,370
Okay, so no, you don't get what's
happening here.
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Doris, if you can hear me, I am so happy
for you. Greg's good, isn't he? I
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00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:20,250
wasn't good.
134
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:23,250
Stop it. You are always good.
135
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,850
I bet she comes back for more. Knock it
off, Dharma.
136
00:09:28,780 --> 00:09:30,900
Are you uncomfortable with this? Yes,
I'm very uncomfortable with this.
137
00:09:31,580 --> 00:09:34,200
Well, Greg, if that's how you feel,
don't you think you should say something
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00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,560
her? Thelma, I can't talk to Doris.
She's dead.
139
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:41,960
Which is why we have seance,
knucklehead. Uncle Abby. No, no, seance.
140
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:43,980
Okay, I can't believe you.
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00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:48,600
You take a poor dead woman's virginity
and now you won't talk to her? Shame.
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00:10:11,790 --> 00:10:12,850
Deep cleansing breaths.
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00:10:14,510 --> 00:10:19,550
And open our hearts to make Doris feel
welcome. Because remember, as strange as
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this is for us, it's even stranger for
Doris.
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00:11:12,189 --> 00:11:15,090
subconsciously, you felt guilty because
you never got to know this old woman,
146
00:11:15,130 --> 00:11:18,870
and that's what caused last night's...
business.
147
00:11:20,290 --> 00:11:23,350
I don't think that's... Oh, come on,
Dharma. I feel guilty, too. It's
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00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:27,190
how we ignore old people, but let's face
it. We're busy. We don't have time to
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hear about their surgeries or how their
kids never call or how much a tuna fish
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sandwich cost in 1923.
151
00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:37,670
You said it's terrible.
152
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:45,700
Do you think it could be an expression
of your guilt?
153
00:11:45,940 --> 00:11:48,180
I don't know, Abby. That sounds a little
bleh.
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00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:53,440
I think what probably happened is that
after Doris had sex, she was ready to
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move on.
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My kind of woman.
157
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,700
Oh, wow. Who else heard that?
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00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,600
You!
159
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,420
Oh, she sounds scary.
160
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,040
It's my mother, Larry.
161
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:07,580
I know who it is.
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funky self.
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00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:42,630
Your mom's borrowing my Birkenstock
skirt.
164
00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:45,670
We're going to a costume party. Don't we
look silly?
165
00:12:47,630 --> 00:12:49,630
Abby, when was the last time you wore
this?
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Tuesday.
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00:12:53,130 --> 00:12:55,070
The shoes are on the bed, Kitty.
168
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:58,150
Splendid. Hang loosely, Edward.
169
00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:01,410
What are you playing?
170
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:05,170
We're having a seance to talk to a dead
woman your son had sex with.
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00:13:08,860 --> 00:13:12,780
It's none of my business, Darma, but if
the woman's dead, can't this be water
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under the bridge?
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She was dead when he had sex with her.
174
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,540
We used to play a lot of cribbage in the
army.
175
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:28,660
One of the fellas made a board out of a
gun butt. He drilled little holes in it
176
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and used toothpicks as pegs.
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00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,040
All set.
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00:13:32,340 --> 00:13:33,340
Let's go.
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I was sleeping.
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00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:31,760
With the garbage?
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00:15:32,180 --> 00:15:34,160
Sorry, all the dead chicks were taken.
182
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,340
Me and Jane had a fight.
183
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:42,840
Hey.
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00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:47,940
I'm sorry.
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00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,020
Really? Yeah.
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00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:54,700
Here's your pillow.
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Wait, have you seen Dharma?
188
00:15:59,810 --> 00:16:00,769
No, why?
189
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I woke up and she was gone.
190
00:16:02,430 --> 00:16:03,430
Oh, God!
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That darn cat.
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Come on.
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Well, there she is.
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Gotta go.
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00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,760
What took you so long?
196
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Dharma, what are you doing down here?
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Dharma's not here.
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So whatever happens is between you and
me.
199
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:42,480
Oh, come on, Dharma.
200
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:47,400
Cut it out.
201
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:54,200
If you're not coming to Mama, then
Mama's coming to you.
202
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,800
You're sleeping now, so please wake up.
203
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:02,540
You
204
00:17:02,540 --> 00:17:10,380
didn't
205
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have time for me when I was alive.
206
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:16,099
And now we're together till death do us
part.
207
00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:18,560
And I'm already dead.
208
00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:21,780
Dharma.
209
00:17:22,839 --> 00:17:23,839
Wake up.
210
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:06,740
you're not wearing pants.
211
00:18:07,860 --> 00:18:12,500
Okay, look, there are two possible
things going on here. The first, and
212
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:16,980
likely, is that Dharma and I are feeling
a little bit guilty for not having
213
00:18:16,980 --> 00:18:18,860
gotten to know you better when you were
alive.
214
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:26,200
The second possibility, and it's just
kind of out there, and the one that
215
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:31,560
me by is that I may have, without
realizing it,
216
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:34,500
led you on somehow.
217
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:43,540
Anyway, I just want you to know that I'm
married to a wonderful woman. A living
218
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:49,780
woman. And I hope that you and I can
219
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:51,820
still be friends.
220
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:57,880
Hello.
221
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:00,960
Getting a lot of rain, huh?
222
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:02,480
I suppose.
223
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,000
Listen.
224
00:19:09,159 --> 00:19:12,860
I don't want us just to talk about the
weather and go our separate ways. I want
225
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,820
us to spend time together, make a real
connection.
226
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:18,720
I'm not a gay.
227
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:23,480
Me neither.
228
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,420
What about breakfast? Just the two of
us.
229
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:31,020
Please let go.
230
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,640
Your kid's calling you enough.
231
00:19:38,190 --> 00:19:39,189
I hear you, Dora.
232
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:40,990
And I understand you're upset.
233
00:19:41,650 --> 00:19:47,370
But if Greg doesn't want to continue in
that kind of relationship, I think you
234
00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:48,650
have to respect that.
235
00:19:52,210 --> 00:19:56,310
Wait a minute. I have another idea that
might work for everyone.
236
00:20:04,940 --> 00:20:11,700
They must have let the faucet on a long
time when they poured a drink of water
237
00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:12,700
like you.
238
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,160
Kitty?
239
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,700
The name's Doris.
240
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:23,040
But what do you think we have a little
fun with Kitty's body, hmm?
241
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,240
Well, it's a long shot, but I'm game.
17378
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