All language subtitles for Dean Martin Bobby Riggs

The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast, coming
to you from the MGM Grand Hotel in the

entertainment capital of the world, Las
Vegas, Nevada.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the beautiful
Siegfeld Room, tonight Star -Studded

Roast has brought together some of the
world's greatest entertainers.

They've come from all over the world to
be here tonight, here in Las Vegas, in

person.

The Week!

Your Roastmaster, Dean Martin.

And the very special man of the week,
Mr. Bobby Reed.

In the past, we saluted some great
athletes.

So tonight we thought we'd salute Bobby
Riggs for a change of pace.

Bobby, for a 55 -year -old man, you're
in great shape, unless you plan on

living.

It's too bad Bobby didn't win that match
with Billie Jean King. It's just that

Bobby ran out of wind too fast.

I didn't think that was possible.

Bobby running out of wind. It's like
Nixon running out of excuses.

As you know, Bobby played Billy Jean in

the Houston Astrodome. It was the only
place big enough to fit Bobby's head.

Oh, what a character. Bobby's been known
to play an entire game of tennis with a

suitcase in one hand.

He has to. When he loses, he has to get
out of town fast.

One time he actually played a tennis
match wearing a dress. He lost the

but on the way home he picked up three
sailors.

Tennis isn't the only thing he excelled
in. In college he was on the tug -of

-war team. He was the third jerk from
the end.

Bobby's made a lot of money in this
business.

When he was 15 years old, he won his
first purse and bought a dress to match.

It's a real pleasure now to have Vincent
Price with us tonight, a man who's

appeared in such great films as Dr.
Goldfoot and the Bikini

Machine and the Ghost and the Invisible
Bikini.

Those pictures were so bad, they removed
his star from the sidewalk on Hollywood

Boulevard.

Hollywood's most popular actor is Mr.
Vincent Price.

People

have

always told me that Bobby Riggs was a
hustler, but I know for a fact that that

is not so.

Dean Martin himself told me that Bobby
doesn't look like any hustler he knows,

and he knows them all.

And I'd also heard that Bobby was a male
chauvinist pig.

But in reality, he's very insecure when
it comes to women.

In fact, a few months ago, he confided
to me that he was very fond of a certain

girl, but he was too shy to approach
her.

And he asked me if I'd help him write a
love letter. I told him I'd be more than

happy to do so.

But what we did was this.

I wrote a first draft, and then Bobby
took it and revised it slightly, giving

his own personal touch.

Now, this is the first draft that I
wrote, and this is Bobby's revised

I hope Bobby won't mind if I read a few
passages from them. In my version, I

start off by saying, oh, sweet nymph of
my thousand fantasies, have you ever

felt a volcano of passion within your
soul erupting in a fiery flow of desire

impossible to restrain?

In Bobby's version, he changed that
passage slightly so that it reads, hey,

lips, do you fool around?

Ladies and gentlemen, a real hall of
famer, Mr. Leo DeRosa.

That's him.

That's for you, Riggs.

Get a load.

Get a load of this guy.

Now, what's next, Riggs?

Boxing, maybe?

You're going to get in the ring and
punch the hell out of Hermione Gingold?

Maybe you could be the new White Hope
against Alan Rodney Rippey.

How about track, Bobby?

How'd you like to go up against Lassie
in a 40 -yard dash to a bowl of Alpo?

Hey, why don't you wrestle Tony Fields?

At least you know you can't get hurt
falling on the flat.

Listen, I've had it with you, Rick.

I'm telling you for the last time, get
yourself in gear and shape up.

Because the next time I tell you, I
won't be such a nice guy.

Keep your arms on the wide world of
talent, ladies and gentlemen. The pride

the South, Miss Lynn Anderson.

You know, the women's lib movement keeps
saying that Bobby Riggs is some kind of

a pig.

They can't fool me, Bobby.

I'm a country girl, and I'll know an old
goat when I see one.

So Bobby is a real friendly little
critter. Now, just before the show, he

dropped by everybody's dressing room
just to say hello.

As he dropped by my dressing room, I
happened to be rehearsing a song into

little tape recorder, and I thought that
I'd leave it running just to have a

little memento of Bobby's visit to me. I
thought that you might like to hear

just exactly what went on.

Come in.

Why, Mr. Riggs, how nice to see you.
What can I do for you?

Mr. Riggs?

Why are you locking the door?

Mr. Riggs?

Mr. Riggs?

Mr. Riggs!

Oh, Mr.

Riggs. How cute.

Listen, thanks again, Bobby, for showing
me your little pet mouth. That was

awesome.

We're very happy tonight to have...

Wayne Newton with us.

A great singer of song, Mr. Wayne
Newton.

Thank

you very

much. And Dean, I really can't tell you
what a great thrill it is to be doing

your show tonight. And contrary to what
you might think, Dean is really a great

guy. He's really the kind of guy that
would give you the floor off his back.

And Dean, don't worry, I'm going to call
you tomorrow and tell you what a great

time you had tonight.

You don't know what a thrill it is for
me personally to see Mr.

Leo DeRocha sitting over there. I'm a
great fan, by the way, and he really has

done great things, ladies and gentlemen,
for baseball.

He left it.

And now to our guest of honor.

What do you say, what do you really say
about a guy who runs around in short

pants and a buster brown haircut and
likes to call himself Bobby?

Bobby, during World War II, I happen to
know that an Italian girl hid you out in

her basement for nine months in
Cleveland.

We, uh...

Billie Jean King did want to be here
tonight, Robert, but she couldn't make

and she did send a telegram, and it
started out, Dear Pig.

And then it gets insulting from there,
so I don't think we should really read

it. And Bobby, I want you to know that
all the men in this country, all of us,

on this day in this country, we want to
thank you for helping us put down

woman's lib.

We needed you like Christine Jorgensen
needs a...

Ladies

and gentlemen, a great athlete and a
funny man, Mr. Alex Garrett.

Bobby, all of us He -Men really
appreciate what you've done for us.

Those of us who are legitimate athletes,
you know, we...

We

play for the love of the game, Bobby.

You play for...

Greed is what you call it.

I know Bobby did what he could to
prepare himself for the fiasco and the

Astrodome against Billie Jean.

I know that for a fact that he gave up
six months of his love life

prior to the match.

I don't know whether it was the talking
half or the dreaming half.

I'll give you credit, though, Bobby. You
know, you've built the matchup as a

terrific thing. You know, really great.
That was great of you, Bobby.

But what you promised and what you
did... Let's put it this way. Ever think

about trying politics, Bobby?

I understand Bobby doesn't go to
football games anymore.

You don't, do you? You don't go to
football games anymore. You think that

guys in the huddle are talking about
you.

Well... Let me tell you something. I
know some of those guys, and they are

tough.

Bobby, I've kidded you for quite a bit
tonight, and I know that you're pretty

sensitive these days.

Matter of fact, Dean just wrote me a
little note.

He said that he wants to know if I've
been running around town telling

in Hollywood that you're a sissy.

Well, I can honestly say I didn't. I
don't know how in the hell they found

Bobby, we've got a surprise for you.

Now, who do you think we flew out to be
on this dais tonight?

One of your old classmates from high
school, a man you haven't seen in 30

Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a warm
welcome for Mr.

Don Rice.

Thank you.

The dean just told you I went to high
school with Bobby Riggs.

the Archie Bunker of tennis.

Bobby gave the valedictorian speech to
the graduating class, and I remember we

were all so thrilled when he explained
how a royal flush beats an inside

straight.

And Bobby, in school, his first love was
tennis, and his family were poor, and

for two years he played tennis without a
racket.

Every day I had to string his fingers
together.

And I remember his first tennis teacher
was a woman.

Come to think of it, the last one to
teach him a lesson.

He became a tennis hustler. He played
one match.

wearing a trench coat and carrying a
pail of water.

Another match he played with his hand
tied behind his back.

And he played Billie Jean King with his
foot in his mouth.

But Bobby has shown the world that age
is no barrier to tennis.

It just keeps you from winning.

Classmates still think you're the
greatest tennis player in the world.

But then what's 200 opinions against
millions?

Ladies and gentlemen, an athlete and a
equally talented actor, Mr.

Chuck Connors.

Thank you very much, Dean. And ladies
and gentlemen, the jokes are almost

And I've been asked to inject a note of
sobriety here in a little serious thing,

which is a rare change of pace for the
Dean Martin Show.

Now, a lot of people have wondered how
Billie Jean King managed to beat Bobby

Riggs so easily in their famous match at
the Astrodome.

A lot of tennis experts have suggested
various reasons. Some say it's because

basically her strokes were sounder than
Bobby's.

Some say it's because Bobby's reflexes
aren't as good as they used to be.

And others say it's because Billie
Jean's net game was stronger than Bobby

expected.

Now, I have to know that none of these
reasons is the real reason.

There's only one reason that Bobby lost
to Billie Jean King.

He was pregnant.

Why do you think he played the whole
first set with his jacket on?

He was trying to hide the bulge.

Now, remember the third set he sat down?

It wasn't because he had a sore wrist.

It was because he had morning sickness.

Now, I know it seems strange that a man
who takes so many pills would forget the

one pill that would have prevented a
whole bunch of...

If you saw the match between Bobby Riggs
and Billie Jean King on television, I'm

sure you remember the lovely young lady
with the big mouth who sat beside Howard

Cosell and helped with the commentary.

I'm talking about the very fine tennis
player, Rosemary Cosell. She kept

needling Bobby all through the match,
and I do mean needling. In fact, by the

time the match was over, Bobby wasn't
sweating, he was leaking.

Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Rosemary
Kissack.

Thank you, Dean.

About what Chuck Connors was saying, I
don't know whether Bobby was pregnant or

not, but I just want to say one thing.
If he is, you can be sure it's not

Rosemary's baby.

Jean told you I was one of the TV
commentators for the Bobby Riggs and

Jean match.

Being a woman, naturally, I was rooting
for Billie Jean.

And I guess I let it show a little bit.

And because of this... And because of
this, some people got the

idea that I had something against Bobby
personally.

Some even thought that I disliked him.

Nothing could be further from the truth,
I assure you.

I have only the greatest respect,
admiration, and affection for this four

little punk.

When Bobby won the Wembley Championship
35 years ago, all the tennis experts

said they'd never seen a player so full
of competitive spirit.

And even today at 55, Bobby is still
full of it.

In fact, I believe that Bobby might even
have beaten Billie Jean.

were it not for two forces in his life
over which he had no control, senility

and irregularity.

You

may all

be wondering what Jack Carter's doing
here tonight.

Right. But I'll tell you.

Last week I saw a sign that said, Hire
the handicapped.

A great funny man, Mr. Jack Carter.

Thank you. I would have been all right
until Rosie Gazelle's got my speech.

But it's great to be here, and I'm so
glad you invited this mini munchkin over

here.

Look at this recycled Mickey Rooney
sitting here.

Bobby Riggs, I never saw it in person.

And I love tennis. I always thought
mixed doubles meant wife swapping.

Dean doesn't know much about tennis. We
play golf a lot, and one day we're on a

golf course, we pass by some bushes, and
he heard a yell, Love 40! He thought it

was an orgy.

But he's learning now. I saw him in a
bar the other night talking to a couple

pros.

Is he beautiful? Look, I never knew
you're built so cute. That's adorable.

He's got the body of an Olympic
champion, really. Kathy Rigby.

Look at this mangled gnome we have over
here. Look at him with the eyeglasses

and that stringy hair and that stupid
little body.

Looks like a nearsighted Johnny Mop I
threw away.

I shouldn't become Bobby. Why do I pick
on him? Why? Because I hate his guts.

I hate him. He disappointed me. He's an
Open champion, a Davis Cup champion, U

.S. Singles Open champion.

And he went to Houston and made an
Astrodome of himself.

She showed him, didn't she, Billie Jean?
On television before 40 million people,

she beat the pants off them.

Luckily, with his wrinkled body, nobody
even looked.

But Dean has gone to so much trouble,
really, tonight, to invite a lot of

here to be for you, Bobby. He asked
Frank Sinatra and Pancho Gonzalez to be

here, but they couldn't make it.

Sinatra said he didn't know you, and
Pancho said he did.

And Wayne Newton, another one of my
former idols.

Yes, I never forgot his mommy and daddy
back in Oklahoma.

No matter how big he gets, horse
ranches, he's got money, he's got a

Las Vegas.

Never forgets his mama. He always sends
her a big package every week. And his

mother washes it, irons it, sends it
right back.

Good job.

And Leo Deloach said, the mouth that
roared is here. The angry man.

He makes Don Rickles sound like somebody
from the Walton family.

I didn't know, but Leo's a tennis fan
and told me that Bobby is top -seeded. I

didn't know you were top -seeded. I knew
you were fertilized and already potted.

I knew that.

He's always parted, always stoned. Every
night he's out in the bar drinking with

broads. Got Sandra Giles on one arm,
another stale broad on the other. And he

sits there boozing, drinking, hollering.
But he always conserves his energy. You

never see this creep pick up a check.

But it's really a great thrill to be
here. And Bobby's not finished in

He was just challenged by Tony Fields.

That's right. Tony's going to play him
on national television. And wait till

see Tony running around with that little
behind and her little white fat legs.

When she reaches for a shot and rips
those bloomers, boy, America's going to

the wide, wide world of sports.

A lot's been said tonight about Bobby
Riggs, pro and con.

And now the con man gets back at the
pros.

Here he is.

Our man of the week, Mr. Bobby Riggs.

Thank you, Dane.

I'd like to say this is a great honor,
but it isn't.

I've been a fan of Jane's for 15 years,
and I wouldn't swap one year of it.

But just make me an offer for the whole
15 and see what happens.

And Wayne Newton, you're really cute.

Last time I saw you in Vegas, you really
had me laughing.

Unfortunately, you were singing at the
time.

You got bigger last when you played with
the Detroit Lions than you did tonight.

What a thrill to have Jack Carter here.

Jack's a comedian who started at the
bottom.

And it's only his talent that has kept
him there.

And Vincent Price, what an honor to have
the star of such great films as The

Eggplant That Devoured South
Philadelphia.

That picture made him what he is today.

A has -been.

I'm telling you, it was Rocha's show
tonight.

I must say, Leo and I have something in
common.

We both did equally well at the
Astrodome.

I'm glad Rosemary Casals is here.

Rosemary and I started as hustlers
together.

I worked tennis courts, and she worked
the bars.

Oh, one more thing.

I'd challenge Rosemary to a tennis
match, but I only play women.

I'd like to thank my guests for being
here tonight, and I especially want to

thank Mr. Bobby Riggs.

He's really a great tennis player, but
he's getting a little old.

In his last match, he played
brilliantly, but he dropped the set, his

lowers.

Good night, everybody. I'm on my way
home, Catherine. Now, warm up the hot

chocolate.