All language subtitles for Dean Martin Bette Davis (1973)

The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast, coming
to you from the MGM Grand Hotel in the

entertainment capital of the world, Las
Vegas, Nevada.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the beautiful
Siegfeld Room, tonight's star -studded

roast has brought together some of the
world's greatest entertainers.

They've come from all over the world to
be here tonight, here in Las Vegas, in

person.

Your Roastmaster, Dean Martin.

Yes, tonight we honor one of Hollywood's
favorite citizens, Miss Betty Davis.

She won two Academy Awards and was
nominated nine times.

From the very first day she arrived in
Hollywood, she made love to Cary Grant,

Robert Montgomery, Henry Fonda, and then
she got into pictures.

Jack Warner happened to take a liking to
her, and after several meetings, he

sent Betty for her first test.

The result was positive, and they named
the kid Jack Jr.

She was a big star and big at the box
office. She suffered her

first heartbreak in 1938. David O.

Selznick tested her for a gong with the
wind, but Mr. Selznick didn't think she

was good enough.

and gave the part to Butterfly McQueen.

As soon as Betty got over it, went back
to Warner Brothers and made Warner

Brothers what it is today, broke.

And we're alive.

This woman has lived, Betty's made over
90 movies, and she has three children.

She would have had more children, but
she didn't have time for retakes.

But we're back. Friends will never
forget Betty. To this day, they still

around her footprints in front of
Grumman's Chinese and say, Boy, she had

feet.

Betty, there's a lot of your friends and
admirers who couldn't be here tonight,

but they've sent telegrams, and I'd like
to read some of them to you now.

Here's one.

Who's this one from?

Dear Miss Davis, I don't mind when I see
pictures of you clutching your Oscars,

but I...

but would you please keep your hands off
mine?

Signed, Mrs.

Oscar Homoloca.

Here's one from Harold Donaldson of
Detroit.

Dear Miss Davis, my wife and I just saw
your film, Whatever Happened to Baby

Jane? Could you settle an argument for
us? In private life, are you and Joan

Crawford really brothers?

All right.

one that reads, Dear Betty, I have loved
all your movies, but I could never

figure out why they cast you in the
Virgin Queen instead of me, signed

Well, get him away.

It's always nice having Pat Buttram on
the show. Pat comes from Texas where he

lives on a ranch called the Lazy F.

He named it that because that's what his
wife always calls him.

Ladies and gentlemen, the final
comedian, Mr. Pat Button.

Thank you very much. Thank you, Mr.
Martin.

I used to love all of your movies, Mr.
Davis.

You was always crying and crying, crying
real tears, too.

And if I'd have just known you then, I
could have saved those tears.

and I'd have had enough salt licks for
every cow on my farm.

But your movies is always such good,
clean pictures.

The whole family could see them. That
was great. Not like these sex movies

got today.

I saw one of them sex films the other
night, and I was really confused. I

saw five people in love before.

But you know, Miss Davis, nobody could
ever play a woman of the streets like

did.

The only trouble was you never came
around my neighborhood.

But I guess in Hollywood is still
Hollywood.

I mean, where else could you find a
place that has signs like last massage

parlor before the freeway?

And bless her life.

Thank you, Pat.

Not many people know this, but Betty
Davis has a twin sister. We brought her

here tonight all the way from Lowell,
Massachusetts.

Would you all please welcome Miss Bessie
Davis.

How do you do, Miss Davis? Tell me, who
do you and Betty look like more, your

mother or your father?

Oh, like my Peter, Peter, Peter.

Oh.

What do you do for a living?

I'm a potter, potter, potter.

What sort of pots do you make?

Pewter, pewter, pewter.

Incidentally, what was the weather like
back in Lowell, Massachusetts?

Oh, it was starting to pit up, pit up.

Now, you must excuse me. I have to go
buy a gun.

What sort of gun?

What, Al? A repeater.

Al,

I hear you.

As you all know, that was the wonderful
actress Miss Kay Medford, Medford,

Medford.

Nipsey Russell was a very popular
comedian.

When he visited Alabama recently, the
governor met him at the plane with a

Here's Nipsey Russell.

It is said that the Lord made woman
last. A divine and wonderful plan,

he didn't want anybody talking him to
death while he was making man.

But I am eternally grateful to

Miss Betty Davis, because had she not
made the movie, Sweet, Sweet Charlotte,

Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte, I would not
be able to live where I now reside.

I saw that picture, I turned white as a
sheet, and I moved into the neighborhood

before he got by.

Going in conclusion to this illustrious
lady of the screen, I say, when we get

to heaven, if you're not there, we'll
write your name on the golden stair.

If you're still not there on Judgment
Day, and though we think you went the

other way, Just to prove that our love
is true, we'd come to hell to say good

wishes to you.

Even though... Even though... Even
though...

Next, we have Miss Joyce Haber,
columnist for the Los Angeles Times.

Every morning, the newspaper boy throws
a copy of the L .A. Times on the front

lawn, on my front lawn, and I don't like
it because when it hits me, it wakes me

up.

Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Joyce Haber.

Thank you, Bill.

People have been saying Betty was never
much of a sex symbol, as, for example,

Raquel Welsh is.

But can Raquel Welsh act?

Not like Betty Davis.

All Raquel does is just stand there,
like two bumps on a log.

Betty Davis never was a raving beauty,
and Joan Crawford would be the first to

admit that.

Betty was the queen of Hollywood back in
the days when queens were still ladies

and Joan Crawford was king.

And when Betty won the Oscar, didn't
Joan Crawford generously offer to go up

aisle and accept for her?

And when the owner of Pepsi -Cola
proposed to Joan Crawford, didn't Betty

to go up the aisle and accept for her?

So there she sits.

Miss Betty Davis, Nelson, Farnsworth,
Sherry, Merrill.

Just think.

Just think about it.

For our husbands.

But she's just like you, Dean. She can't
wait to get her hands on a fifth.

Thank you, Miss Haven.

I think everyone will agree that Vincent
Price is one of the most popular actors

in our industry.

Vincent got started in movies playing
the Invisible Man, and I still can't see

him.

Ladies and gentlemen, a fine actor, Mr.
Vincent Price.

Thank you, Dean. Thank you. I'm honored
to pay tribute to Miss Betty Davis, the

actress who became a Hollywood star the
hard way. She wasn't naked.

She wasn't black.

She didn't even know Kung Fu.

Kung Fu, Dean, that isn't an Italian
curse. Now, tonight I'm here

as one of Betty Davis's greatest fans.

And I'd like to talk about some of her
most memorable films. She made her first

picture back in 1932.

I was a child.

It was called The Way Back Home. It
didn't do

too well at the box office until it was
re -released under a new title, Sexual

Freedom in Denmark.

In 1934, she starred in Of Human
Bondage, for which Betty was nominated

Oscar. She played a woman of the streets
who said to Leslie Howard, why, you

dirty bleep, you can take your bleeping
money and shove it.

And for that kind of language, she
became known as the first lady of the

American street.

You know, Betty has always suffered in
every picture she has ever made. When I

appeared with her in Elizabethan Essex,
she gave up her beauty. In Dark Victory,

she gave up her eyesight. And in The
Virgin Queen...

She

gave up her hobby.

But in 1950, Betty received another
Academy nomination for All About Eve.

This was a three -handkerchief picture.

And in 1962, Whatever Happened to Baby
Jane? That was a three -diaper picture.

In this one, she appeared with her old
friend, Joan Crawford. Miss Crawford has

always been envious of Betty's
voluptuous figure.

As a matter of fact, Joan used to borrow
Betty's bras to use for shoulder pads.

And then in 1963, there was... Thank

you. Thank

you, Letty Littles.

Then in 1963, there was Hush, Hush,
Sweet Charlotte, and Betty Davis entered

field. Horror films, yes.

But that's not new for you, Betty,
because some critics have always found

pictures horrors.

Yes, it's true that many reviewers have
knocked Betty, but then that's how you

measure a great star, by her knockers.

Vincent almost didn't make it here
tonight. His hearse broke down on the

freeway.

Armie Archer is one of the top
columnists in Hollywood today.

I never miss his column.

I never read it, and I never miss it.

Ladies and gentlemen, the dean of daily
variety, Mr. Armie Archer.

Betty, such a pleasure.

Well, Betty Davis is still the
definitive expert on portraying various

She played Mary Queen of Scots and Queen
Victoria and Queen Elizabeth.

And now I hear she wants to play Truman
Capote.

But there's still a very bright future
for Miss Davis because with the advent

television, a whole new field of
unemployment is opening up for her.

But her mind still burns with that old
ambition.

Every time she sees one of those old
pictures on the late, late show, she

someday, someday, that's going to be me
up there.

Oh, by the way, here's a telegram I
forgot to read before.

It's from the, uh, where's this from?

Huh? Which one is it? It's from, oh, the
National Association of Tobacco

Manufacturers. Dear Miss Davis, we want
to thank you for promoting the use of

cigarettes in your films.

No other actress swings her butt the way
you do.

Oh, it seems we couldn't talk like this
before.

Oh, and now, Betty, we have a special
treat for you. A lady who was your

friend when you were both girls growing
up together in Lowell, Massachusetts.

Your lives have taken very different
turns. You went into the theater and

a star. She went into a convent and
became a nun.

Would you all please welcome Sister
Maria Teresa.

you, Mr. Martin.

You know, it's so wonderful to see you
again, dear Betty.

Yes, we have indeed gone our separate
ways.

You see, you live in Hollywood, and I
live in Lowell, Massachusetts, in the

convent of St.

Peter. Peter, Peter.

I went with the Carmelite sisters, and
you went... with the Warner Brothers.

And yet, I like to think that I have
been as successful in my life's work

as you have been in yours.

In 30 years as a nun, I have only been
reprimanded by the Mother

Superior once.

She didn't like the way I handled my...

Betty, I've seen every film you've ever
made.

I especially love the distinctive way
you have of smoking a cigarette.

And you know, it proves to me it proves
to me

that deep down you and I

are still basically the same.

Neither one of us can kick the habit.

Thank you. That was a very talented
comedian, Ms. Barbara Heller. Thank you

very, very much.

Now it's my pleasure to introduce the
best friend a motion picture camera ever

had, Mr. Henry Fundy.

I've been close to Betty Davis for over
40 years.

You told me to say that.

Except I was never close to you. You
wouldn't look at me. I got the cigarette

burnt to prove it.

In 1938, I worked opposite her in
Jezebel when she won the Oscar for

a daughter of the Old South.

It was a novelty picture for Betty. She
didn't die at the end.

I was amazed because Betty's great at
that.

I've never seen any actress put so much
life into her dialogue.

In Jezebel, there was a scene that
showed the burning of New Orleans.

The producer didn't intend to burn the
city down, but there was Betty with

damn cigarettes.

In all fairness, I must say this about
Betty. She'd never do a picture.

if cheapness and vulgarity were written
into the script.

She felt it was up to her to bring that
to the table.

But as Vegas star as Betty Davis is in
America, she's practically worshipped in

Europe. Once a year, she receives a
letter from the Bolshoi Ballet,

her as their favorite actress.

Every year, it's the same old bulljoy.

Yes, Betty has made many unforgettable
pictures.

I wish I could remember the names of
some of them.

But believe it or not, with all the
celluloid tear -jerker she's made, not

of them ended up losing money. I'll tell
you why.

They were all recently purchased by Dr.
West.

You don't know Dr. West.

He had them melted down into toothbrush
handles.

And therein lies the irony.

Somewhere in this country tonight, a sad
Betty Davis film is leaving a happy

taste in somebody's mouth.

Now it's time for Howard Cole Self.

Known to most of us as Super Mouth.

Next week, John Cameron Swayze is going
to strap a Timex to Howard's tongue.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Howard
Cole Self.

I do think that every one of you knows
that Betty Davis is a star of

gargantuan magnitude.

But... What precisely,

Nipsey, does the concept star signify?
What is a

star?

A star is a lady who gets a million
dollars for doing on the screen,

as you well know, Dean, what certain
other ladies

get only $20 for doing.

A star is a tireless bundle of energy
who gets up out of bed at 5 a .m. every

morning and goes home.

A star?

Well, a star is someone who changes her
name, changes her

hair, changes her nose, changes her butt

line, then divorces her husband because
he's not

the man she married.

May I tell you something, my dear?

Betty Davis, in the whole history of the
cinema

and show business in this country, my
dear, you are a

star.

Incidentally, Howard just had his book
published called Cosell by Cosell.

It's gotten some great reviews and
you'll love it, so get a copy yourself.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, may I present
the woman of the week, the first lady

of Hollywood, Miss Betty Davis.

Thank you, Dean.

I was thinking about Mr. Cosell's
description of a star.

And he ended by saying, Miss Davis, you
are really a star.

I think I have had a great deal more fun
being the kind of star you described

than the one I was.

I had no guts to do it that way.

Thank you, Dean, very much.

I've certainly had a lot of fun tonight.

It would have been nice to have some of
my old male co -stars with me, but then

they'd have to hold the roast at the
Hollywood Wax Museum.

Truly, there is one of my co -stars here
tonight.

I did not recognize you without your
camera, Hank.

Although we've never worked together,
Vincent, I've seen all your horror

in which you're always torturing people,
but tonight you outdid yourself.

I just read where Vincent is making a
horror movie based on the life of Howard

Cosell.

The film is called The Planet of the
Toot.

Will Rogers once said, I never met a man
I didn't like.

Obviously, Mr.

Rogers never met Howard Cossack.

I want to thank Nipsey Russell for being
here.

Nipsey is one of our great civil rights
leaders.

As a matter of fact, Stefan Fetchit once
called Nipsey an Uncle Tom.

Oh, by the way, Dean, congratulations on
your recent marriage.

Dean is the only man I know who ever
took cue cards on his honeymoon.

As I said, it's been a lot of fun
tonight.

And looking at this dais, I can only
quote a line from one of my movies, What

dump!

I want to thank my wonderful guests for
being here tonight and my very special

thanks to a great star, Miss Betty
Davis.

I'll never forget the first time I saw
her. I had just come to Hollywood trying

to get started.

One night I was standing outside a
theater on Hollywood Boulevard where

were premiering one of her pictures.

When the picture was over, Miss Davis
came out and I pushed my way through the

crowd and ran up to her and I said, Miss
Davis, you're the greatest. And she

spoke to me. I'll never forget what she
said.

Get lost, meathead.

Good night, everybody.

And warm up the hot chocolate.