Original subtitles

- Dearly beloved... - Okay.

We are gathered here today to join Paul Duerson

and Sofia Minor in holy matrimony.

Do you take Paul to be your lawfully-wedded husband?

I do.

I hate it when they show the ending first.

But I just couldn't help myself.

You may kiss the bride.

Okay guys, that's enough.

Back to the beginning.

So, what do you think?

It was my dad's.

Fits perfect, huh?

How was the tour?

Saw you guys in San Francisco.

Whoa-ho! Nice.

Don't do this. Just go.

William... Tonight is the night.

I'm proposing.

I told you...

the next time you came around, I was calling the police.

You're killing me.

We have to talk with you about something.

I didn't want to do this.

I didn't want to do this.

Who?

Me and Sofia. You know, my girlfriend?

She's not your girlfriend.

Okay, listen.

I know you're a lonely guy.

Because your wife died.

And that's why Sofia does those puzzles with you.

She does them with you because she feels bad

that your wife died of stomach cancer,

and you have no one to do puzzles with anymore.

How do you know about the puzzles?

- Is she here? - No.

Oh... oh, I can wait. It's not a problem.

- No, no, no. - No, it's really not...

Listen, I really don't want to have to call the cops, man, okay?

Just leave. Now.

You don't have to call them.

You don't have to.

You know, I could just sit right... right in there.

Yeah.

- Okay. - Okay.

High five.

Give it to me. I need it.

I need it.

Okay, Paul.

You got big hands.

Bye.

Oh, fuck. Go!

Goddammit.

Hey. Hey.

Why are you acting this way?

Take it easy.

Don't be mad at me, Ladybug.

I'm not mad at you.

You're confused.

We've been through this before. You don't know Sofia.

You're wrong.

You are wrong.

Okay, you know her.

- Give me the knife. - You.

What?

You're Sofia.

Don't you... Don't!

Look, I'm unarmed.

Let me help.

Say you're Sofia.

- Okay, I'm Sofia. - And you love me.

I'm Sofia, and I love you. Now, give me the knife, Paul.

Stay there.

Yeah. Oh, my god. Here it is.

I have a ring.

It's really nice of you.

Will you marry me?

I don't know what to...

to say.

Put it on.

It's perfect.

Give me the knife, Paul.

♪ I am broken My heart has spoken ♪

♪ You are broken, too ♪

♪ I'm afraid I'm depraved ♪

♪ But no one's depraved Like you ♪

I freaking love that song.

I love it.

The wedding is going to be at the Cassowary Tabernacle.

JH is my best man.

Pastor Tim Lutzner is gonna perform the ceremony.

And... and, and... I got this dagger.

Not this one.

It's a Rajput ceremonial wedding dagger.

It's in Customs now,

but wait until you see this thing.

I mean... we're gonna look amazing up there.

I mean, for that alone. What do you think?

You're pretty stone-faced right now.

Okay, let's do it.

Really?

- You love me? - Yes. I love you. Now...

now, please just give me the knife.

Hmm.

Who should we tell first? My family or yours?

♪ I used to be a lunatic From the gracious days ♪

♪ I used to feel woebegone ♪

♪ And so restless nights ♪

♪ My aching heart would bleed ♪

♪ For you to see ♪

♪ Oh, but now ♪

♪ I don't find myself bouncing home ♪

♪ Whistling buttonhole tunes to make me cry ♪

Okay, um... I'm ready. Ready for my interview.

Who is DeVante Rhodes?

Ah. Well...

he's the best point guard in the game of basketball.

So he's hot.

Is that why you had your people call me yesterday?

No. I don't even know what a point guard does.

What else he say? He said you were a trailblazer.

And I was like, "In what?"

I- I was traded to the Nuggets.

That's a really silly name for a basketball team.

Okay, so you called me up to make fun of me?

Well, you seemed... like fun.

And I like to have fun.

Is that why you wrote that song?

What song?

I kind of like that one.

It's your turn. You're up.

- All right. - Move it.

What's your favorite song of mine?

I told you. "Girls Just Want to Have Fun."

That's Cyndi Lauper.

You're confusing your white singers.

It's embarrassing.

Oh, uh... "Like a Prayer."

Do I look like Madonna?

A little. Actually.

Sofia?

It's Kaylor.

Your assistant?

I know who you are, Kaylor. What's up?

William's here.

Who's, uh... who's William?

He goes by Bell.

That doesn't answer my question.

I'll be down in a sec. Does he seem okay to you?

What do you mean?

You know, is he healthy, mentally?

Do you mean, like, twitchy?

He seems fine.

Are you twitchy?

Hey, Sof.

Hey!

Hmm.

- How's Abby? - Oh, she's good. Thank you.

That's Rhodes.

- The Blazer? - He's a Nugget now.

Come on, I wanna show you something.

Have you met Waylon up at the front booth?

His wife makes the best chili.

What the fuck?

Love it.

Ta-da!

Would you look at that.

Took me every bit of the six months

- you were gone, too. - Mm

Wow. Six months... for this puzzle.

Shut up.

And here is our next challen...

You said I could choose.

There's a piece missing.

Yeah, I know. It's driving me nuts.

I looked everywhere for it.

♪ Dear, I fear We're facing a problem ♪

♪ You love me no longer ♪

♪ I know and ♪

♪ Maybe there is nothing That I can do ♪

♪ To make you do ♪

♪ Mama tells me I shouldn't bother ♪

♪ That I ought just stick To another man... ♪

Sorry I'm late.

I figured I'd get the silent treatment.

Came with reinforcements.

Here. You left it up here.

Not supposed to have Coke this late.

Says who?

You.

Well... I won't tell if you don't.

You ready?

Let's see.

You're upset because the Pirates lost their third straight today.

That was a terrible game, but that's not why I'm mad.

Drink.

Hmm. Okay.

Is it because I'm going back to work?

And you were really looking forward

to spending more time with me this summer?

You're not that cool.

You're afraid I could get hurt again.

I just hate the whole idea of a bodyguard.

It's like saying your life is less important than hers.

He called again today.

- Who? - You know who.

Next time he does, hang up and call me.

He just seemed confused.

My dearest JH,

by the time you're reading this,

the best day of my life,

and therefore yours, will be fast approaching.

So, by now, you should have already picked up

my parcel from the post office.

You wrote down the lock combination

when we last spoke

so you should be able to let yourself in.

I don't want to put too much in writing because...

spies.

But I trust you're prepared and remember the plan.

Oh, and please remember to bring your eyepatch.

I love you so much, JH.

Sofia and I could not be happier

that you're joining us on this journey.

Your best pal... confidant, Paul.

...escape from Concord Park Institution

in Fresno has left two dead and one injured.

Authorities tell us that Paul Duerson

and Penelope Pascal are unarmed

and should be considered extremely dangerous.

- I won't be long. - But, Dad,

- I don't think... - Everything's fine.

Stay here with Aunt Eleanor and be nice. Okay?

- I'm always nice. - Um-hmm.

- Be careful. - I'm always careful.

I love you.

You got the trunk and the clothes!

Yeah.

See?! I knew you could do it!

Ah.

Is that what I think it is?

It finally came. You wanna go to McDonald's?

Hey, Paul. There's a woman in the car.

That's Penny.

Bless you.

She's my PA.

What's a PA?

A personal assistant.

She helps Sofia and I with our schedules

because we're both so busy.

I help with tasks.

To organize holidays and gatekeep from unwanted...

...uh...

Kli... Kli... Klingons?

- Yes, Paul? - Clingers-on.

Klingons are something... totally different.

Hey... hey, Paul. Maybe I could be your PA.

You know, JH,

it's best not to go into business with your friends.

Hey, I thought you went home.

What, uh... what happened?

Let's get you inside.

Bell?

Paul Duerson escaped from Concord Park two hours ago.

Huh.

Who the fuck is this Paul Duerson?

What happens to your eye?

I lost it.

In a sword fight.

No.

He had a worm. A parasite.

It's not funny.

It's a little funny.

All right, Penny. You're up first,

then we'll drop you, JH.

Can I help you?

Yes. Hello, mister.

My car is... is broke.

Can... can I use your telephone?

Well, I'm pretty good with cars.

Why don't I take a look at it?

Now, where's that accent from?

- Bell, right? - Yeah.

You mind if I use your phone real quick?

I'm gonna call a cab.

Sure, but they'll take forever to get here. It's late.

The guest bedroom should be made up.

Oh, yeah. We were messing around.

And I... can't find my clothes now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you.

Had fun tonight?

Yeah, Sofia is crazy, man.

So, this guy, um...

Paul Duerson.

Yeah.

How bad he get you?

Ruptured spleen.

Should have bled out.

He called the cops on himself.

Yeah?

Wait, slow down.

Call the police. I'm coming.

What? What's going on, man?

I never should have left her.

Fuck!

Lock this behind me.

Lu's on First, huh?

So, that's what this is.

What the fuck.

Hey. Cute top. Where'd you get that?

Hey, look, it's cool if you wanna... go.

Oh.

- That's it then? - Well, yeah.

'Cause Bell's here, Waylon's out front.

Bell left.

Where'd he go?

Hello? Got a call!

Hello? Uh, got a call.

Yes, there's a strange man here.

- Inside? - Outside.

So, there's not a man here-here, then?

No.

Is that out of the ordinary?

- For there to be a man outside? - No.

This seems to be a fairly busy block.

People walk.

People stroll.

Ms...?

The guy was creepy, all right?

And it's late.

You think I'd call the cops for no reason?

That him?

What?

Is that the man from outside?

I'm not a man.

You think this is funny?

No. But, uh...

everything seems to be okay now.

And I gotta get up early for an audition, so...

An audition?

Musical. It's a black box theater thing.

Okay. Look, if you really want me to hang out here,

I can, uh, stay here and keep you safe.

How about a cup of coffee?

Oh, we'd feel safer

if you protected us from your car outside.

Bicycle.

What?

Okay.

Should we get started on the new one?

Have you seen this movie?

Because it looks like a riot.

Something wrong?

No.

It looks like something's wrong.

You worked so hard on this puzzle and...

we're just...

just gonna clean it all up?

Well yeah, that's how puzzles work.

Yeah, finished with that one.

Are you crying?

Nah.

Okay.

I'm a puzzle.

What?

You built me up for a minute.

You made me... feel nice and...

whole and comfortable, and...

now, you're finished with me?

I didn't say we were finished.

Yeah, but we're finished.

I can tell.

Just... put me back in my box.

Oo-kay. Um...

Uh... okay.

Hello?

Hello?

- Fuck. - Fuck.

This keeps happening.

They were supposed to fix this shit weeks ago.

Who is "they"?

I don't know. The... light people?

Okay. Where's your circuit breaker?

I don't know.

You don't know where your circuit breaker is?

Do you know where the circuit breaker is?

This is your house.

Well...

I have... many houses, and many circuit breakers.

What?

That was such a Sofia thing to say.

Excuse me?

Talking about how many circuit breakers you have

is a rich person thing to say.

You're rich, so you can't talk.

Rich...

is a state of mind.

What does that mean?

Like this thing.

It was a gift from Liberace. It's funny.

It's creepy.

And I didn't know people gave out

these candle holders as gifts.

But I guess fancy clothing designers do.

It's called a candelabra.

And Liberace was a pianist,

you're thinking of Versace.

Again, a very Sofia thing to say.

Dammit.

Ah, fuck.

Come on.

Where are you going?

To find your circuit breaker.

Is there a problem here?

Actually, you know what? I don't care.

I'm not doing this with you.

Doing what?

Digging any deeper with you.

Yeah. No shit.

It is a little weird, though.

For you to be so... how you are.

Like a Black guy, you mean?

Please. Come on. You're nothing at all

what people say about you. You're more of a...

I'm not like what whosays about me?

Whoever wrote that list on your desk...

that's some real Ice Queen shit

to have just fucking lying around.

And, where do I fit in?

How are you ever going to find anything real?

- Real? - Yeah.

What is that even?

Who the fuck are you?

I'm very sorry your feelings were hurt,

but I kind of have other things to worry about.

The psycho who tried to kill me is on the loose.

He tried to kill Bell. You weren't even home.

He thought he was stabbing me.

He wanted me dead! What are you still doing here?

I don't need you to protect me.

Okay, yeah. 'Cause you have armed guards

and a security system from the future, right?

- Yeah, great point! - Okay.

- You're not needed at all. - All right, I'm out.

Oh, my balls!

I enjoy this American hat.

Uh-uh. Open sesame.

Waylon will call you a cab.

Help me!

Yee-haw!

Hey man, can you open the gate?

Waylon?

Ow! Shit!

Am I an idiot?

Coo-coo.

Hello?

Rhodes?

Hey, Ladybug.

Ooh! I missed you a lot.

A lot. A lot.

Mm.

I owe you an apology.

I am so sorry for leaving, honey.

Get away from me.

I...

Baby, I...

Don't do...

I don't know what I was thinking.

Mmm.

Hi.

Hey, wait a second.

Wait. I can explain, baby. Ow!

Enough with the little oranges!

Ow! Those are hard!

Baby, wait a sec.

That is such bad luck, Sofia!

Get out of my fucking house!!!

Sofia.

Get out of here!

I'm trying. I'm trying!

Did my dad ever tell you about Paul Duerson?

Like, what happened to him?

I saw on MTV News that his girlfriend collapsed

during a Sofia concert.

A stroke or something during "Father May I."

Just, boom, dead at The Forum.

You want to know what's also messed up?

I'm in the "Father May I" music video

and it's always projected behind Sofia

when she performs it.

So, maybe Paul Duerson's girlfriend saw my face

and just, like, died.

- Hey. - Hey, Dad.

Everyone okay?

I think the officer might have scared him off.

Eleanor made him wait outside.

There was nobody out there.

Get dressed.

- Where we going? - Police station.

He was supposed to be keeping an eye out.

He was just there.

♪ I just got an Invitation through the mails ♪

♪ "Your presence requested This evening, it's formal ♪

♪ A top hat, A white tie and tails" ♪

♪ Nothing now could take The wind out of my sails ♪

♪ Because I'm invited To step out this evening ♪

♪ With top hat, White tie and tails ♪

♪ Oh, I... ♪

♪ Oh, I'm puttin' On my top hat ♪

♪ Tyin' up my white tie Brushin' off my tails ♪

♪ I'm steppin' out, my dear ♪

♪ To breathe an atmosphere That simply reeks with class ♪

♪ And I trust that You'll excuse my dust ♪

♪ When I step on the gas ♪

♪ For I'll be there Puttin' down my top hat ♪

♪ Mussin' up my white tie ♪

♪ And dancin' in my tails ♪

The heck?

The fuck did my chain go?

Who the hell steals a chain from a police officer's bike?

Unbelievable. Fucking West Side...

Is that the cop's?

Get in the car and lock the doors.

Dad?

May I have that gun, please?

His hand is cold.

Let go of her.

Take us to Sofia's house, please.

Paul is waiting for us.

Do you work for him?

You should never go into business with friends.

♪ Now I don't hardly know her ♪

♪ But I think I could love her ♪

♪ Crimson and clover ♪

♪ Ah... ♪

♪ When she comes walking over ♪

♪ Now I've been Waiting to show her ♪

♪ Crimson and clover ♪

♪ Over and over ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪

♪ My, my, such a sweet thing ♪

♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪

♪ I wanna do everything ♪

♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪

♪ What a beautiful feeling ♪

♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪

♪ Crimson and clover ♪

♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪

♪ Over and over ♪

♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪

♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪

♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da ♪

I killed someone.

Ow. Ow!

Hello, Clarice.

We've got a long, long night ahead of us.

Listen. I know you're super upset.

I know you're upset that I left you.

But I really needed some time to focus on me

before I could focus on us.

But now, I'm ready to be yours forever.

And I mean... forever.

- Paul... - And ever.

And ever, and ever, and ever, and ever.

- Paul. - And ever, and ever.

Call me Paul.

Paul.

I love it when you call me by my name.

Okay. Um... listen.

You're confused. All right?

You're in the middle of a psychotic...

um...

They told me what happened to you.

At my show, and I am so sorry.

Nobody should have to go through that.

Okay?

But this is not the answer.

You're mad about the venue...

- Oh, my God. The venue? - Aren't you?

The Cassowary Tabernacle?

What?

The church we're getting married at?

It's important to me.

We're getting married?

- Of course. - Oh, God.

What, are you having second thoughts?

Look, this snuck up on us,

and it's totally normal to have feelings like this.

But I mean, you knew all of this.

- Um... - Are you feeling okay?

Um...

Okay, well, uh...

You gonna let me out then?

Of course.

Yeah, now?

Show you around the house.

Show you the Jacuzzi.

You're hilarious, Sofia.

Like I don't know where the Jacuzzi is.

I've been here like a bazillion times.

Will you please just take the bag off her head.

No.

Why are you doing this?

I'm not supposed to say.

Paul's a real great planner,

and he don't want me to ruin anything.

So, you just do whatever he tells you to?

Is that it?

He's the only person who ever treated me like a person.

Well, he's gotten you into a lot of trouble.

Let them go. We'll sort it out.

Pull over here.

Get out.

Find the nearest house. Call the police.

Not them.

You.

Turn this song up.

Drive off and I'll kill him.

It's okay.

Where's he taking him?

- He'll be okay. - ♪... reach a solution ♪

♪ I will end up Lost in confusion ♪

♪ I don't care If you really care ♪

♪ As long as you don't go ♪

♪ So I cry and I pray And I beg ♪

Don't do this.

I'm sorry.

♪ Fool me fool me ♪

♪ Go on and fool me ♪

♪ Love me, love me Pretend that you love me ♪

♪ Leave me, leave me Just say that you need me ♪

♪ So I cry ♪

♪ And I beg for you to ♪

♪ Love me love me Say that you love me ♪

- You can take the bag off now. - ♪ Leave me, leave me ♪

♪ Just say that you need me ♪

♪ I can't care 'bout Anything but you ♪

I have a surprise for you.

Don't move a muscle.

Penny.

This is Penny. She's a big fan of yours.

We met on the inside.

It was totally platonic.

She's great. She's from Nice en France.

Spelled like "nice."

Nice.

Ha! Hilarious, Sofia. Truly.

Truly. Uh, uh...

Penny plays the piano and sings, just like you.

Oh... mon dieu. We could be a... a duet.

See? Friends already!

Look at that. Perfect! Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

♪ Something in the way You love me ♪

♪ Won't let me be ♪

♪ I don't want to be Your prisoner ♪

♪ So baby Won't you set me free? ♪

♪ Stop playin' with my heart Finish what you start ♪

♪ When you make my love Come down ♪

♪ If you want me let me know Baby let it show ♪

♪ Come on now Don't fool around ♪

♪ Something in your eyes ♪

♪ Is makin' such a fool of me ♪

♪ When you hold me in your arms You love me ♪

♪ 'Til I just can't see ♪

♪ Just... ♪

♪ Try to understand ♪

♪ I've given all I can ♪

♪ 'Cause you got The best of me ♪

♪ Borderline ♪

♪ Feels like I'm Goin' to lose my mind ♪

♪ You just keep on pushin' My love ♪

♪ Over the borderline ♪

You made it!

Whoo!

Welcome to the cocktail hour,

where drinks and hors d'oeuvres will be served

before the shuttle takes us to the church.

JH, put the gun away.

What kind of way is that to treat our guests?

Our guests!

Oh!

How do I look?

Hi, Abby.

Uh, kids. Okay.

Come on. Don't be scared.

Please remember to sign the guest book.

It's nice.

Huh?

I am sorry, I borrowed some... some clothes from your closet.

But it fits, no? It's good.

I am very excitement for tonight.

Yes.

Um... Paul told me you are in love.

I know this is not truth.

I know. But, you know, as... as they say, um...

Uh...

Paul... Paul's elevator does not reach the top floor.

You know? Americans!

I've never heard that expression before.

Hmm.

But is... is this... this is why I like Paul.

You know? He entertains me.

Watching him is like watching a good movie.

So, he tells me, he is to marry Sofia.

But...

he needs my help.

I think, "Oui, merci, s'il vous plaît.

I would like to be in this movie very much."

Coo-coo.

This yours. Take it.

It's nice, huh?

You know, you...

you have a wonderful, um...

skin and body. You have...

a great body.

Uh-huh.

Yes.

- Thanks. - But...

uh, with honesty, I... I thought you would be more beautiful.

Yes, is... is a big disappointment for me.

All right. Well...

why don't you get my makeup? Um-hmm.

Yeah, it's in my bathroom, left of the sink.

Oh, um... and this...

will fix your face?

Yes, it will fix my face.

Okay. Okay.

Ah-ah...

Sofia.

Okay. Be back soon.

Fuck!

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Uh... okay.

May I offer you a glass of champagne?

I'm kidding. Of course you can't drink.

Evil, right?

You keep calling me.

I do.

Why?

Well, we wanted you to be our flower girl.

JH picked out the dress.

What's that?

Huh. Would you?

Leaky pipes, I guess.

Paul?

Whew. Yes, flower girl?

Is someone in the trunk?

Please help me.

I'm in here. Hello?

Yes, flower girl.

Can we let him out?

Well... we were supposed to wait until later,

but, uh... sure, why not?

Get to it.

Help me.

Pastor Lutzner.

Paul?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Pastor Tim Lutzner

of the Cassowary Tabernacle.

Please help yourself to champagne and first aid.

You put a priest in a box?

No, I put a pastor in a box.

We're Protestant.

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up.

Hmm. Oh, thank god. Okay.

Hi.

Sorry I left you.

I'm sorry I hit you in the face with a guitar.

Was it on purpose?

No.

Guy thinks he's marrying you tonight.

I know. He bought me a wedding dress.

It's blue.

It's fucked up.

I know.

Jesus.

Let go, you crazy bitch!

Duet, please.

What?

No.

Du...

...et.

I didn't even write this song.

I know. 'Cause this song is good.

- Come on. - All right.

Yeah. Yeah.

♪ There were nights ♪

♪ When the wind was so cold ♪

♪ That my body froze in bed ♪

♪ If I just listened to it Right outside the window ♪

♪ There were days when The sun was so cruel ♪

♪ All the tears turned to dust ♪

♪ And I just knew my eyes Were drying up forever ♪

♪ I finished crying In the instant that you left ♪

♪ And I can't remember Where or when or how ♪

♪ And I banished every memory You and I had ever made... ♪

♪ But when you touch me Like this ♪

♪ And you hold me like that ♪

♪ I just have to admit ♪

♪ That it's all Coming back to me ♪

♪ When I touch you like this ♪

♪ And I hold you like that ♪

♪ It's so hard to believe ♪

♪ That it's all Coming back to me ♪

♪ There were moments of gold ♪

♪ And there were Flashes of light ♪

♪ There were things I'd never do again ♪

♪ But then they Always seemed right ♪

♪ There were nights Of endless pleasure ♪

♪ It was more than Any laws allow... ♪

♪ Baby! Baby! If I kiss you like this ♪

♪ And if you whisper Like that... ♪

You are flat!

Fuck! What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Stop!

Oh! Oh, no. Are you okay?

Do it!

Do it!

Sofia doesn't light people on fire.

Fuck.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Come on.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

God. Bless. You!

Yes!

Come on! Light me on fire!

Come on, Sofia!

Oh, fuck.

Wh... what could they be doing up there?

Pas... Pastor Lutzner, do you have any...?

- Paul? - Yes?

What are you trying to achieve here?

Just a partnership

based on mutual admiration and respect.

It's not real.

You see that, don't you?

None of it is real.

Paul?

She's probably just figuring out her dress.

Last-minute dress alterations.

Yeah, I'm sure it's just last-minute kinks

with the dress, right?

Girls will be girls, Pastor Lutzner.

You might not know about that, but girls will be girls.

Should... should I go check on them?

No. No, no. I'll go. I'll go. It's fine.

Saw a little girl here when I snuck in.

Black girl. Ten or eleven.

Okay, okay. Um...

Fuck.

You stay here. I'll be right back.

I'll be right back. Okay.

Honey? Everything okay in here?

You re...

Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

You're just the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Why aren't you ready?

And where's Penny?

Is there something wrong with the dress?

I'm...

I so... understand.

This is really scary.

But I adore you, Ladybug.

From your head all the way down to your toes.

Abby! Abby!

Hey!

You're supposed to be getting ready.

Who are you?

How awesome is this, huh?

Rajput warriors

are gifted this on their wedding day.

It's sharp on both sides.

To protect you from your enemies...

and your friends...

whoever came in the way of your happiness.

But I won't let anyone...

come in the way of our happiness.

Yo, what the fuck are you talking about?

I love you.

Are you okay? You're okay.

Where's your dad?

You dead?

Hello?

Hello?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Taylor?

Kaylor.

What happened to your head?

We should really get you to a hospital.

I need a car.

You have a Porsche?

It's so fast.

Guess I'm walking.

"Welcome to Paul and Sofia wedding."

Father Tim Lutzner. Tim...

Lutzner. Motherfucker!

♪ Sweet baby Jesus ♪

♪ Won't you come ♪

♪ See me get married ♪

♪ To my love ♪

♪ Sweet baby Jesus ♪

♪ I see you watchin' ♪

♪ From above ♪

♪ Sweet baby Jesus... ♪

Let's get all units to Cassowary Tabernacle.

I hate the fucking Hills.

♪ ... I see you watching ♪

♪ Sweet Jesus... ♪

Okay. Everybody ready?

Great. Let's do it.

Flower girl, you look great.

What are you doing?

What?

Please take a seat. It's about to start.

Ma'am, today's not about you.

Thank you.

Shouldn't you be up there?

I don't know.

Uh, Paul?

Uh, JH?

Ar... aren't you marrying Sofia?

Of course.

Uh, Sofia is...

JH...

you've been one hell of a best man.

I got it from here. Okay? Your job's done.

Flower girl, get back there, please.

Get some hustle. Hustle.

Okay, great.

Hit it, JH.

Throw the... throw the flowers.

Dad!

Don't upset him.

He gets violent when he's confused.

I'm in a wedding dress, man.

I think he's pretty fucking confused.

Thank you.

For your kindness and graciousness.

I'll treat her right.

And I'm sorry my hands are so sweaty.

Hey, you mind if I greet the guests?

Oh, of course. Just, um...

would you sit on my side?

It's empty.

It's great to see you. Thanks for coming.

Everything's gonna be okay.

The big one has a gun.

I know. He shot me in the head with it.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

to join Paul Duerson and this...

person...

in holy matrimony.

Uh, hey, Paul?

Down, JH.

That's not Sofia.

What are you talking about?

He's a man.

And he's Black.

And he don't look nothing like her.

There's Sofia.

Don't listen to him.

Baby, it's me. I'm here.

I'm Sofia.

Pastor Lutzner...

you can continue.

If anyone present believes

these two persons should not be joined in holy matrimony,

speak now or forever hold their peace.

I do. I... I... object.

No. No. You don't have to.

And it's my fault we're all here.

So, I should be the one up there with you.

Not him, Paul.

You do look beautiful, by the way.

Thank you.

You know, being with me is not all it's cracked up to be.

But hey, you're the only person who's ever wanted to marry me.

So fuck it, let's do it. Let's get married.

- Ma'am? - Yeah?

I told you to sit down and be quiet.

Today is not about you. Please?

For the rest of us? Thank you.

I'm so sorry.

You can skip ahead to the good stuff. We're ready.

The good stuff?

Yeah. You know, the kissing.

Um, all right.

Do you, Paul, take... Your name?

Sofia.

Do you, Paul, take Sofia to be

your lawfully-wedded wife?

I do.

And do you, Sofia, take Paul

to be your lawfully-wedded husband?

I do.

Well... in the presence of family and friends,

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Hey, shouldn't we do something?

Let him have it. It's all he wanted.

♪ Sweet baby Jesus ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪

♪ I'm awake ♪

♪ Dear Jesus above ♪

♪ I see you watchin' ♪

♪ I see you watchin' ♪

♪ Sweet Jesus ♪

♪ From a tower up above ♪

♪ Sweet baby Jesus ♪

♪ I'm alive ♪

No!

No!

No!

Sofia...

I'm sorry.

It's over, Paul.

I really love it when you call me by name.

Are you okay?

Don't move!

- Let her go. - Hey, Paul.

I got myself in a hostage situation.

Please let her go.

You! Dr... drop that knife.

Do it.

Just take it easy.

Now kick it over here.

Just... let her go and you guys can leave, okay?

You don't need her.

I might.

For... for leverage.

You don't want this on your conscience.

I don't think I got one of those.

Weddings are supposed to be fun!

Oh my God.

Jesus Christ.

I don't think I meant to do that.

I don't think... I don't think I meant to do that.

What the fuck?

♪ ...let us rejoice and let us sing and dance ♪

♪ And ring in the new ♪

♪ Hail, Atlantis... ♪

♪ Way down below the ocean ♪

♪ Where I wanna be ♪

♪ She may be ♪

♪ Way down below the ocean ♪

♪ Where I wanna be ♪

♪ She may be ♪

♪ Way down below the ocean ♪

♪ Where I wanna be ♪

♪ She may be... ♪

♪ Way down below the ocean ♪

♪ Where I wanna be ♪

♪ She may be... ♪

♪ Way down below the ocean ♪

- ♪ Where I wanna be ♪ - ♪ She may be... ♪

So, hotshot. Should we give this thing a try?

It'll never work out.

Why not?

I'm a married man.

I'm so sorry.

Hey, I want you to know that you were right.

I can't be doing this anymore. It's too dangerous.

You think?

What are you going to do for work?

Something that gets me home to you in one piece.

You mean something that doesn't get you stabbed

or shot in the head?

Or me covered in blood?

Yeah.

Dad, this is freaking disgusting.

You know, I've never been in a limousine before.

Drop us off at the Hilton where we have the penthouse suite.

And in the morning... Maui.

What a night.

What a night.

♪ One night ♪

♪ I had a thought ♪

♪ What if we ordered Anything we want ♪

♪ We quit our jobs We went outside ♪

♪ No one could tell us How to live our lives ♪

♪ One night, I took a drug ♪

♪ I gave three hundred Uninvited hugs ♪

♪ You went to bed I hit the floor ♪

♪ I don't think that we should Get together anymore ♪

♪ One night Came and went ♪

♪ Spent lots of money, It was money well spent ♪

♪ I took on some credit card, Credit card debt ♪

♪ On a night that didn't Mean nothing ♪

♪ A night I'll probably forget ♪

♪ One night, I had a feeling ♪

♪ Bust through a wall Cut through the ceiling ♪

♪ 27 Club and I'm still Fucking breathing ♪

♪ I'm hyperventilating in A building full of people ♪

♪ It's beginning To feel like I've ♪

♪ Been training my whole life For nothing ♪

♪ I've been meaning to Tell you something ♪

♪ You gotta lean into life Just a little ♪

♪ I think I'm breaking My own heart ♪

♪ I think I'm making My own self sick ♪

♪ At the thought Of getting sick ♪

♪ I don't leave any more ♪

♪ Did I leave My keys in the door? ♪

♪ It was so peaceful before ♪

♪ Come on buddy, you gotta Lean into life a bit ♪

♪ You gotta callus up Them hands ♪

♪ And get some dirt Under them fingertips ♪

♪ I, ah, don't think it's skin And papier-mâché ornaments ♪

♪ Another Christmas Eve And you're still bumming out ♪

♪ About the same shit ♪

♪ Come on my friend ♪

♪ yeah You're really going through it ♪

♪ You got all this free time, ♪

♪ No fucking idea What to do with it ♪

♪ Sounds an awful lot to me ♪

♪ Like you like talking About your bootstraps ♪

♪ Go to hell, I am the devil ♪

♪ Trying to claw My way to heaven ♪

♪ I am regretful We had our weekend ♪

♪ Filled with cocaine And Essentia ♪

♪ It was fun and now I can't really remember ♪

♪ And yeah we wonder why We can't reach our potential ♪

♪ I am regretful Yeah my head is in the gutter ♪

♪ Do we really need to sin To love each other ♪

♪ Another psycho I'll get Fucked up then recover ♪

♪ I just want to be A better older brother ♪

♪ My head is in the gutter ♪

♪ It's beginning to Feel like I've ♪

♪ Been training my whole life For nothing ♪

♪ I've been meaning to Tell you something ♪

♪ You gotta lean into life, Just a little ♪

♪ I think I'm breaking My own heart ♪

♪ I think I'm making My own self sick ♪

♪ At the thought Of getting sick ♪

♪ I don't leave any more ♪

♪ Did I leave my keys In the door? ♪

♪ It was so peaceful before ♪