Original subtitles

Every year, retailers lose $45 billion to shoplifters. It's the job of loss

prevention officers to protect against these shoplifters.

These are their stories. Only at shoplifter .com.

Is this necessary?

I guess so.

Have a seat.

You stand over there, son.

In the corner.

You know, you haven't got anything on us.

You really don't. I mean, you don't have any proof that we did anything wrong.

My daughter and I are buying stuff here for her birthday.

You know, I don't understand this. You know, we could sue you for this. Yeah, I

just don't get it.

What's going on? I've never... No, we've never had this happen to us. No, never

happened before.

I don't know.

So what's going on here?

Is this a contest or something? Do we win some?

What's going on?

You know what? We really got to get going here.

So my daughter and I, we're going to take off. Yeah. Please sit down.

The police are on their way.

The police are on their way? Relax.

Do you know who I am?

Do you want me to tase you?

Tase me? I'm in the corner. You sit in the chair.

Okay. Daddy, we better do what the officer says.

We don't want to go to jail.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there, Flick. What are you tasting?

What is this talk about cops?

I'll be right back.

It's really fucking brilliant.

Yeah, I know. You never fucking listen to me, do you?

I do.

Listen to you.

You were so obvious out there. I've been training you for this for years. Well,

I didn't think that I made it look obvious to you. It's really simple. You

up, you put the thing in there very casual.

You're sitting there going like this and looking all around. Of course we got

busted.

I've been doing this for years, and I've never gotten caught. I never thought

that this would happen to me. Well, we got caught now, honey.

So what are we going to do? I don't know what we're going to do, but you're just

stressing me the fuck out right now.

I see a lot of cameras around here. Right.

Most of these don't work. They're just there for play. So I don't want this

guy to intimidate you, and I don't want you saying the wrong thing. Okay. So you

need to dummy up. All right. Let Daddy do all the talking. Okay. Okay?

All right. All right.

Everything's going to be fine. You just follow my lead.

Okay. We were just shopping for your birthday, okay?

and it's just a mistaken identity thing and it's just a simple little mistake

i'll give the guy a couple of bucks and we'll be out of here and we'll be on our

way now there's another store in the mall next door we hit that store it's

okay it's not going to be any problem all right is there anything in here we

get look at all crap in here what kind of place is this

this isn't a store room We're doing crap in here. Right, there's literally like

nothing I would even be interested in stealing.

Like, yeah, I want to steal an encyclopedia. Yeah, I mean, crap.

Right.

What is this? What did we come to crap for us?

Right? This is just retarded.

Hey,

what do you think of your shoes, Daddy?

For me? No. No, for me, yeah.

For you, yeah. Go ahead and take this. All right.

Great.

Fuckers.

This will be good.

Okay, can you... Do I look all right?

Well, yeah.

Okay.

Unless all of a sudden you grew a penis on you.

You know, I'm teaching you how to store the thing.

That's not the first place. They're going to look there.

He's not going to look at your app because most people are intimidated.

All right.

Okay. Because I really want those.

Do you? Yeah. How bad do you want it? Really bad.

You're a good little girl.

Thank you, Daddy.

Daddy's very proud of his little girl. Thank you.

I'm going to make a master thief out of you. I hope so.

Oh, look at this.

What the fuck?

Oh, damn.

I don't know what the fuck we're supposed to do with these.

I don't know either.

What kind of fucking department store is this?

I don't know.

You know what that looks like?

What? A desk.

That's what it is, honey.

Oh.

Remember? Yeah, yeah. Hello, Daddy, I love you. Oh, yeah.

There's a whole bunch of crap in here.

There's all sex toys in here.

Wow. I thought this was the department store. I thought so, too.

Do you think you can get that airless paint sprayer in your pants?

No, probably not. Yeah.

All right.

You really wanted those shoes, huh? I do, yeah.

You know what? Maybe I should hold the shoes.

Okay. He's not going to frisk me. Right, because they'd look really good to go

to Stacy's party.

Okay.

There we go. There we go. Just in case he comes in and frisks you. Okay. I

really don't like the guy touching you, but, you know.

Now, listen, play up to this guy. Okay. All right? All right. Show him a little

cleavage. Okay. All right? Remember how I taught you? Yeah.

That time when we went over to the restaurant?

And you did the little thing there to the guy, and we got away with that free

dinner? Yeah.

Okay? All right.

I'm very proud of you. Thank you.

But let's not get busted. All right, we're not going to get busted. Because

Daddy can't do another stint. I know. Okay? I know.

Sure, but it's too obvious.

Oh, fuck.

These cameras aren't recording anything. We're going to be fine.

Okay. Yeah, you know?

You know.

So I... Like, show a little, like, bra.

Yeah.

Okay. That'll be fine. Yeah. Yeah, listen to me very carefully. All right.

You were shopping for your birthday present. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

And you were looking at that outfit.

Okay. And the lady was overzealous.

Okay.

She reported to you, and you didn't take it. Look, you don't have a dress on you

anywhere, do you? Right. No, I don't. No? Okay.

Okay. All right, so that's the story we're going with.

All right. All right?

Okay. Well, that's going to be fine. Okay. I'm going to forgive you for

this mistake.

Okay, good.

You're going to learn from this, right? Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, you look so good. You look like your mom.

Oh, thank you.

I miss her.

Yeah, me too.

She'll be out in ten years.

Yeah, I hope so.

Yeah.

It's really lonely with the moms out around. I bet it is.

Huh.

There's a guy.

I don't know when he is.

Maybe, like... Can I pull... Pull that a little bit?

So my butt's a little bit... Oh, yeah.

Do I look good?

Yeah, your butt always looks good, baby.

All right, cool.

Now, remember, use your feminine wiles on this guy.

Okay. All right?

Okay. God gave you this body for a reason, honey. Okay.

Use it. Yes, Daddy.

Remember what your late grandmother used to say?

A fool and his money are soon parted. You're right.

Yeah.

Oh, you're driving me fucking crazy.

Yeah.

It's okay coming in?

No.

Oh,

yeah. Daddy taught you very well.

Your mother did, too.

You're right.

Okay.

I just wish he'd come in here soon.

Huh? I wish he'd come in here soon. It's the anticipation that's making me

nervous.

There's nothing to worry about.

I know.

They got nothing on us. I know. You're right.

This is what I taught you. Yeah.

They can smell fear.

Mm -hmm. Okay?

Okay.

So, if you look nervous, if you look scared, They're going to pick up on that

right away.

It's mind -fucked, this guy.

All right.

Okay? Okay. Cool as a cucumber.

Okay. All right?

All right. I got it.

Cool as a cucumber. We didn't do anything wrong.

Okay. All right? That's really, really important.

Okay. Let me see that. Cool as a cucumber.

We've got to work on that.

All right.

Anything else we could take out of here?

Those aren't popular.

What is this?

When they invented these things, you weren't even a glimmer in my eye. What

of crap store is this? Weird old shit.

Finger dildos.

The only good things were these shoes.

Right.

God.

What the fuck is this?

I don't get it.

Is this for measuring penises?

I guess.

I guess I got a six foot penis. Okay.

What the fuck?

I don't know where this... Oh.

Okay.

Oh, it's a number.

Shut up.

Fucking sick and tired.

Sick and tired of what?

I beg your pardon?

You know, my daughter and I were just shopping for her birthday.

I'm sure this is a simple mistake.

Mistaken identity.

Like the lady was just overzealous. I didn't do anything. I was just looking

the dresses.

Yeah, that's right. She was just looking at the dresses. Do you ever shut the

fuck up?

How much is it going to cost me to go away? Just give me your IDs.

What? IDs.

Identification. Photo ID.

Don't act dumb.

It's strange.

It's not going to have anything on me. Do you, honey?

Maybe we left it in the car. You know what?

We're going to go to the car right now and we'll go get... Do you want to get

tased?

What is he with the tase?

That's kind of weird. It's in our contract.

It's not a pleasant experience.

So you're going to lose your ball. Stand over there and shut up. You sit in the

chair.

Now look, we left our IDs in the car. Why don't you let me go out to the car.

I'll get the IDs.

and come back, okay?

All right?

And then we'll be fine. All right? Why don't I do that? Just stand there for a

second. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, chief. Relax, boss.

Is this your daughter?

Yeah, it's my daughter. What of it? Okay.

This is how it's going to work. Your guy's fate, both of you. What?

Your fate in this situation is going to depend on your honesty.

Mm -hmm. Okay. The more honest you guys are, the better chance you have of not

going to jail. Okay, mister. So think about that.

And you, come with me. We're going to another room.

Come with you? You're not my type.

What is this guy talking about, come with me? What are you talking about?

Pepper drum.

Bye, daddy.

Hey, you know, if you touch me, that's a lawsuit, okay?

If you can't touch me, I can walk away if you touch me. All right? You stay

here. Okay.

Bye, Daddy.

All right, Pumpkin. I'll be back in a minute.

this is gonna take.

Fucking hate waiting.

I just wanna

go home and watch TV.

I've got to wait forever for this fucking cop.

Okay. All right.

Okay. So what's going on, mister?

Yeah, we got rid of him.

He's a little crazy.

I want you to tell me what's going on.

Keep your hands to yourself.

Okay.

Well, obviously you didn't act by yourself.

We've watched all the tapes.

And it looks like your father kind of pushed you into this.

So, what's the truth?

I didn't do it.

I've got your girl on camera and your dad.

I didn't do nothing.

Tick your little fingers.

You and your dad.

I didn't do nothing, mister.

Okay.

Stop that. All right.

Dirty little girl.

Okay, well, I'm going to put you in another room. I'm going to bring your

back in here.

Okay. And maybe he'll cooperate.

I doubt it.

Okay.

Might have to call the police, to be honest.

Come.

What is that?

Hey, let me tell you something. This isn't my first rodeo, okay? So I know

you're trying to do, and you're trying to get us to turn against each other.

That's not going to happen.

My daughter and I did nothing wrong. You can't prove it. You ain't got no

evidence. That's it. We're going to walk, okay?

You're just a security guard, dude.

All right? I'm a lot smarter than that.

Oh, wow. They're in here every week.

Wow. I'm about to call them, and I'm sure this is not your first offense.

Think about that for a second. Is this your first offense?

That's none of your goddamn business. You're just a fucking security guard. I

don't have to tell you slick.

I don't have to tell you this.

Look, we both know you're a criminal, dude. It's written all over you.

Such a criminal.

But that's okay. That's the life you've chosen.

Yeah. You know what? I got places to go.

You can't hold customers up like this.

You haven't got no evidence against us. I'll sue the store. I'll make sure

you're fired.

Okay? They'll send you back to whatever country you're from.

All right? Dude, we deal with this shit every week.

And you know what? The bad guys always move.

Sad, man.

Doesn't really upset me anymore, though.

No. So I'll tell you what.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

Are you done yet? I got places to go, me and my daughter, okay?

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You ain't got shit on me.

You don't know any cops.

You're full of shit. You're just a little department store security guard.

couldn't even make it as a cop, okay?

I'm a man. I'm just very annoyed. That's my daughter. We were shopping in the

store. She's very cute.

Say what?

She's a beautiful girl.

So terrible waste. So shame.

Wow. She's a sexy little thing.

Huh.

That sounds like sexual harassment right there.

You know how old she is?

She's only 18 years old, buddy.

What are you thinking about dirty, evil things about a little 18 -year -old

girl? She looks younger, but anyway.

Just keep chapping away there, buddy. You're sticking your foot so far down

throat, you're going to gag on it. She might keep you out of jail. Think about

that. Think about that for a minute.

What are you talking about, keep me out of jail? What are you talking about?

She's a beautiful girl.

I'm very attracted to her.

You know what I mean?

You know she's a little slut.

It's written all over her face.

And a criminal.

Mm -hmm.

She's probably blowing everyone in her class.

Watch your mouth.

It's that or jail, brother. What's it gonna be? What do you mean?

Be specific.

Come on, you know what I mean.

What do most men want?

A little pleasure, a little love, you know?

I don't get many dates.

Won't take long.

Well, I could see why with that Amish fucking beard of yours.

That's why I like this job, you know?

Sometimes I get lucky.

Oh, yeah?

It's amazing what a girl will do to start a job.

Hmm. Amazing. So I guess you don't make enough money to even be able to afford a

prostitute, huh? No, hell no, dude. I can barely pay my rent.

Oh, well.

I'm a fucking security guard, man. I can see that you can't even afford to pay

for an iron, man. Anyway, enough with the insults. So what's it going to be? I

mean, I... I can call Officer Jones right now. He'll be here in 15 minutes.

Or I can have some fun with your daughter. I was like, what's it going to

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me make sure I'm getting this straight.

So you're telling me I can avoid going to jail if I let you

fuck my daughter?

That would be nice. I was thinking just a BJ, but if I can fuck her, then you

guys can leave. You can even keep the merchandise. And you're going to let my

daughter go free, too. You can keep the merchandise.

But I got to bust a nice... Fuck, I don't know if I want the merchandise in

store. Come on her face.

What?

You're a kinky little monkey, aren't you?

That's what my face is, man. I like to come on people's faces.

Oh, I bet you do.

I bet you do.

So what's it going to be, brother?

You going to talk to her?

Try to convince her.

See what she says.

It's that old jail, dude. I mean, I'll call Jones.

He's a nice guy.

I'm her father, not her pimp. All right?

I'm her father, not her pimp. How dare you insinuate that?

But if it would keep us out of jail, I could talk to

my daughter and maybe...

She could give you a hand job or maybe look at your dick and do a nice little

sketch. I'm old, dude. I take forever to get hard. So she's going to have to

suck it really good, get me hard, and get me off.

If I don't come, no deal.

You think I want blue ball?

Anyway, with all these kinky suck toys in here, I'm sure you jack off all the

time.

I'll bring her back in and talk to her.

Just think about it.

You know what?

Wow. You almost had me going there.

You're pretty good.

But I'm going to tell you one thing. I know you haven't got any fucking

against us. So you know what? I'm going to call your bluff.

Okay?

Bullshit. I'm going to give you a number.

A number? Eight.

Cameras.

Yes, sir.

Do you want to watch them?

Forcing her to steal.

We've got it on camera.

Sad, man. I actually got a little emotional watching it.

But, uh, shit.

It's gonna be... She's pretty, man. Fuck, she's pretty.

Yeah, I know she's... Let me get her.

Talk to her.

You and I both know half of those cameras don't work.

They're just there for show.

Actually, we just put new tapes and batteries and stuff.

No. I swear to God, dude.

Oh, okay.

You can watch the tape, man.

I don't need to watch these tapes.

Hey, don't I get a phone call?

Let me call somebody.

I need to get laid, man.

So I'm going to bring your daughter in here and talk to her.

I better be good, though. No half -assed fucking handjob. I want a good fucking

BJ.

There I am.

I don't fucking believe this.

I don't fucking believe this.

out of here.

Call one of the boys and they can... Hello?

Cheap -ass fucking door. Phone doesn't work. I bet you the cameras don't work.

This is bullshit.

Come here. Come on, honey. Sit down. Sit down here for a minute. Let Daddy talk

to you. Do the right thing, brother.

He said, there's a bunch of cameras over here filming this thing.

They don't thought that.

Uh -huh.

But on the other hand, we should throw caution to the wind. Okay. And

just in case they happen to get it on camera, I told you, I can't do

any more time, honey.

I know, Daddy.

And you know...

It's kind of your fault that we're here.

I know.

You know.

So, with that being said, I think that you

need to take one for the tea.

Okay.

What exactly does that entail?

What do you think that means?

Are you saying you want me to suck him?

How the fuck did you know what that was?

You are a chip off the old block, aren't you?

Good girl. All right.

So, remember how we practiced before? Yeah.

Okay.

And just give him one of those blase millennial blowjobs that you kids are so

famous for doing nowadays.

Yeah. All right? Yeah.

Okay? Okay. Are you on something right now? Are you on a... Fuck no.

Okay, you're awake?

Yeah. Okay, all right. You look like you're drifting up. No.

Okay, listen to me very carefully.

All right.

I can't do any time.

I don't want you doing any time.

I promised your mother when I went to go visit her in jail that I was going to

keep you out of jail.

All right. This guy said he hasn't got laid in a long time. I think the last

time he saw a vagina was when he was born. Right. Okay?

Right? Yeah.

Okay. He's got a really small dick.

Okay. He's got a small dick. He'll probably come like that.

All right. So just pull it out. You could probably do it with these two

Oh.

All right.

How are you doing there? Okay, so we had a little talk, and I need to have you

give me your word that if my daughter gives you a couple of strokes, you'll

probably pop like that. Ah, da -da -da -da -da -da -da. Don't spoil your

Okay. Listen to me.

Once you give a couple of strokes, boom, you shoot.

My daughter and I walk.

We'll, uh...

Take what we'd like on the way out. Okay?

How's that sound?

Come on. Are you kidding?

You know how much it would cost you to be with a beautiful young woman?

Thousands and thousands of dollars.

I don't know about that.

Maybe. Yeah.

Well, I don't know what kind of hunchback. I don't want to get into

Okay.

You can take two items each. That's the end of the discussion.

Two items each.

Well, I don't know what we'd get in half an hour. But I'm not a young man.

So the BJ has to be outstanding.

All right,

fuck it.

All right.

Look, I'm going to go out here.

I'm going to go in the store and take a look at the merchandise I want to get.

Set your ass down. Otherwise, we don't have a deal.

What? You'll bounce and leave your daughter.

I am not going to sit here and watch you.

Get serviced by my daughter. I'm sorry, buddy, but that's not in the plan.

Part of the plan.

Okay? I'm allergic to small penises. Believe me, I can't stay here. It's part

the plan, buddy.

What? Take it or leave it.

Fuck it.

Honey, just finish him off real quick so we can get out of here. All right,

honey. I'll do the best I can.

I've got the trifecta at Bay Meadows there in a minute. Oh, Jesus Christ.

It's beautiful, isn't it? Look how fucking huge it is. Dad, you said it was

supposed to be small.

It looked like it was small. Well, he's not.

All right.

Fucking nice and gentle. I've never sucked a big cock before. Jesus Christ.

Thank you, honey.

Yes.

So, have a seat.

Have a seat? What am I, at the Pussycat Theater?

What are you laughing at, Joey boy?

I didn't get many days, brother.

Thank you. Well, this isn't a three -way.

You're a good father.

Shut up.

Just hurry up and come over.

Oh,

dude, it's going to take me a while.

Stand up and get naked.

All right.

How old are you again?

18. Oh, shit.

Very legal.

I don't think nothing.

Come on, Beauty and the Beast. Just come already, all right?

I'm going to enjoy this, brother.

Oh, yes.

That's big.

It's huge.

Okay, bend over the desk.

Okay, never tell me I'm sucking a small cock when it's huge, Dad.

Jesus Christ, you're acting like the dude's small, and it turns out he's a

fucking mammoth.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's with the filming, okay? My personal collection.

We're walking out with four items now.

Oh, shit.

I fucking hate you, Danny.

I'll make it up to you, baby. You better.

Taking this fucking big cock and my tight fucking pussy.

All right.

Spread your cheeks.

Like this?

Yes.

It's beautiful.

Fuck.

That hurts.

I'm not used to big cock.

else be doing this shit.

It's alright, honey.

It feels

good.

Of course it does.

You've got a good pussy.

Thank you.

she'd make it stop yeah come on guys enough is enough just come already all

right yeah well you got that on video so you can knock off to your heart's

content come on pop and let's get out

What can I do about it?

Daddy,

make it stop!

Shh, shh, shh.

I'll break your fucking fingers.

Fine, fine.

Get over with and come.

Come on, come on. Don't rush me, dude. I'm old.

It takes me forever to come these days. Yeah, well, yeah. What a nice letter to

write in AARP with a nice story.

Just come already, all right?

Shut the fuck up. All right.

So, uh, how much longer is this going to take here, George Burns, huh?

Shut the fuck up, dude.

Oh, what's the matter? Can't concentrate?

Losing your wood.

You're not enough man for this hot little 18 -year -old.

You just pull it out, jack off under your ass or something. Let's get out of

here.

Suck my balls.

Back on the table.

Spread your legs.

I literally can't believe this is happening.

That's fine.

Thank you.

Okay.

Uh uh.

Yeah. You owe me forever, dude.

Wipe your face and let's get the fuck out of here.

Listen.

I got quite a few things, including his phone.

Ah, yay!

And I think this will come in good for our next job.

Ah, yay!

All right.

Locker.