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1
00:00:00,251 --> 00:00:01,585
Max, I can't wait to go home...
2
00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,546
...and illegally download that documentary
about performance art.
3
00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:07,716
And I can't wait to go home and watch
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
4
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:10,553
But first you have to see this.
Her name's Marina Abramović.
5
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,430
She and her boyfriend did this piece
called "Confrontation"...
6
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:15,974
...where they just slapped
each other's faces for days.
7
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:19,060
Oh, yeah? My mom and her boyfriend
did that too but they called it:
8
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,230
"Who smoked the last cigarette?"
9
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:23,899
No, really, it was pure art.
She's a genius.
10
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,818
How about you
and I do a little art right now?
11
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:34,826
Aah!
12
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:39,707
What are they doing?
13
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:43,627
I think they might be doing a scene
from Fifty Shades of Gray.
14
00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:51,301
- Aah! Okay, stop.
- Okay.
15
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:58,225
That's for suggesting we make a
lip-sync video to "Call Me Maybe."
16
00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,537
What's up, my man?
You look pretty down.
17
00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:23,000
My mother in Korea is working
my last nerve, you know, Earl?
18
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:27,379
Well, I didn't expect
a back-and-forth here.
19
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,549
Uh, Max, you wanna move in?
20
00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:34,637
Han, you can't let your mommy
keep bullying you.
21
00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:37,640
Stand up to her.
You're a 53-year-old man.
22
00:01:41,352 --> 00:01:44,438
Max, I am 29.
23
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,231
What?!
24
00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:50,027
I am 29.
25
00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:53,030
What do you got?
A case of the Benjamin Buttons?
26
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:57,200
Caroline, Han says he's 29.
27
00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:01,496
-What?! Han, are you sure?
-Yes.
28
00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,165
What makes you think I am older?
29
00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:05,292
Well, everything. Your hair, your clothes...
30
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:08,336
...the $5 check you gave me
for my birthday.
31
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,388
Hi, can I help you?
Oh, that sounded so sincere.
32
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:21,057
Well, when you're in my section,
you'll meet the real me.
33
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,893
I have one question.
34
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:26,187
-Do you want to live?
-Actually today, I could go either way.
35
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:27,814
You see this?
36
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:31,401
Go around the diner and have everyone
fill it with the contents of their purse.
37
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,069
And if you do, nobody gets hurt.
38
00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:36,031
Okay, okay. But I don't know
how much you're gonna collect here.
39
00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:38,408
I mean, most of these customers
pay with coins...
40
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,451
...or fresh tomatoes from their garden.
41
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:44,206
Earl, listen up. We're being robbed
by that man in the suit.
42
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,750
He wants everyone to empty their stuff
into this bag.
43
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:50,962
Uh, Max, I've been on both sides
of this situation...
44
00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,676
...and the best thing to do is play along.
45
00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,806
Okay, Caroline,
I'm gonna tell you something...
46
00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,599
...and I don't want you to react.
47
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,728
I knew you were gonna get pregnant.
Damn it!
48
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:08,438
All right, fine.
We'll get through this together--
49
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:12,735
No. Look, we're being robbed,
and that guy in the suit might have a gun.
50
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,319
- Aah.
- No, no, no.
51
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,237
Just do what I say and stay calm.
52
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,657
I need you to empty your purse
into the trash bag.
53
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:23,746
I can't believe this is happening.
Just when I saved $2.
54
00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:28,500
Max, I can't die.
And I certainly can't die in this ugly uniform.
55
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,169
I mean, it looks good on you.
56
00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:36,258
Are you having a heart attack?
57
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:39,177
I'm peeing.
58
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:45,433
-What do you mean?
-I'm really freaked out and I'm peeing.
59
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:49,938
-I can't stop.
-Just stop. Stop! Clench it.
60
00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,230
Okay.
61
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,484
Nope. Can't.
62
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,612
-Step out from behind the counter.
-Sorry, sir. I can't.
63
00:03:57,780 --> 00:04:01,407
-Why?
-Well, um, I'm peeing.
64
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,534
Still?
65
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:06,955
Out of the way, girls,
I'll take down this-- Whoa!
66
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:09,875
Get away from him.
67
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,211
You need to get out
from behind the counter now--
68
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,253
Please, take her, not me!
69
00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:17,675
-What's happening?
-Han, we're being robbed!
70
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:23,514
So sorry. Please take everything
that is in my manny-pack.
71
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:27,475
Would it be possible
if I took my prayer beads out?
72
00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:31,271
They've been in my family for hundreds
and hundreds of--
73
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:34,149
I don't think so, homeboy.
74
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,240
You're in my house now, bitch.
75
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,959
Here's what's left in the bag.
76
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,920
Nope. Sorry, I don't see your dignity.
77
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:58,590
Max, don't. Isn't it enough
that I'm wearing dishwasher whites...
78
00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:01,384
...that have been around
since the invention of B.O.?
79
00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:07,850
Look at that.
Something ate right through the Swiffer.
80
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,226
And I don't think it was the bleach.
81
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:14,273
How will you ever live with the shame?
82
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,692
Can you believe
that is the man who saved us?
83
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,944
Yeah, I did not see a gun coming.
84
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:23,615
I saw nun-chucks, ninja smoke,
maybe some hair-pulling, but not a gun.
85
00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,826
Well, good night, ladies.
86
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,911
I thought we all acted very brave tonight.
87
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:31,915
Well, some of us.
88
00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:37,795
Oh, yeah, I had a trauma and I urinated.
Ha, ha, that's hilarious.
89
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:39,630
Yeah, you might need some counseling.
90
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,925
I could drop you off at a therapist
on the way to my...
91
00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:44,887
..."I Was a Human Shield" support group.
92
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:47,096
Am I ever gonna live this down?
93
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:51,560
-It happened like ten minutes ago.
-Okay, let's move on.
94
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,898
Oh, look. Someone left a coupon
for free movie popcorn.
95
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:59,067
Oh. I'd love to escape to a movie after my--
96
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:02,028
Oh, I'd just love to escape.
97
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:05,240
How much are movies now?
Like 200 bucks?
98
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:08,367
Unless you go with me,
in which case it is free.
99
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,622
I'll take you tomorrow. I've been
sneaking into theaters since I was 2.
100
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,583
I crawled into The Little Mermaid
with a sack full of Cheerios...
101
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,668
...and a baby bottle full of Diet Coke.
102
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:24,425
You know, Chestnut, the only thing that
got me through that robbery was you.
103
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:26,803
I kept thinking,
who will take care of you?
104
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,807
Because you can't count on
Blondie Selfish-Pants...
105
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,975
...who used me as a human shield
and then peed herself.
106
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,646
Do not tell Chestnut I peed myself.
107
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:39,316
He's the only one
from my circle who still talks to me.
108
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,610
As I was saying, Chestnut...
109
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,737
...I would have taken a bullet for her,
but she put herself first.
110
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,572
And that's okay. It's fine.
111
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,867
Max, I'm surprised
you're even affected by this.
112
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,036
I mean, weren't you shot as a baby?
113
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:53,997
I feel like you told me that.
114
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:57,375
No, I told you I drank shots as a baby.
115
00:06:57,543 --> 00:06:59,418
My mother hated to drink alone.
116
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:04,132
Okay, what free movie should we see?
Maybe something with a Fanning in it?
117
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:07,009
I'll see anything. Unless it's in 3D.
118
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,303
I mean, if stuff's
gonna be flying at my face...
119
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,514
...I'd better get a free prime rib out of it.
120
00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,600
So, what do we do, Max?
What do we do?
121
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,853
Hide in the back alley
till the coast is clear...
122
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,564
...and when the door opens,
make a break for it? Ha, ha.
123
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,483
No, because it's not the 1940s.
124
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:24,235
We just go right up in the usher's face,
make an excuse...
125
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,279
...and then boldly walk with purpose.
126
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,406
Okay, well, just show me how.
You can direct me.
127
00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:30,242
I've done a lot of plays.
128
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:34,036
I could do my "Eliza Doolittle
before she was civilized" walk.
129
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:37,081
Hello, governor.
130
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,713
Wow, that was just ugly.
I wish I hadn't seen it.
131
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,923
All right. Just watch me.
132
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,759
Walk. Walk. Walk. Hair flip.
133
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,345
Walk. Walk.
134
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,182
Walk. Walk. Walk. Hair flip.
135
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:55,350
Walk. Walk.
136
00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:59,103
Good. But easy on the hair flip,
Willow Smith.
137
00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:07,987
Oh, hi, girls.
Oh, I heard what happened.
138
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:13,869
Max, you got pushed in front of a gun.
You must be very pissed.
139
00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:18,581
Oh, Caroline, oh, what a nice outfit.
140
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:22,293
On a scale of one to ten, you're an eight.
141
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:25,880
Get it? "Urinate." Ha-ha-ha.
142
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,637
How do you even know what happened?
143
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:36,432
Oh, well, Oleg told me when we were
upstairs playing Hide the Penis.
144
00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,769
And we laughed so hard
we almost peed ourselves...
145
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:43,315
...but we didn't, because we're not you.
146
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:46,902
Actually, we're going to a movie.
147
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,153
Oh, well, that's nice.
148
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:52,823
I hope you're gonna wear
your big-girl pants.
149
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:54,326
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Max.
150
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:55,661
What? It's silly and funny.
151
00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:58,705
She's like a Polish fart cushion.
152
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:02,583
Look, if it makes you feel better,
there can't be any pee jokes left.
153
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:07,089
What are you seeing,
Something rated Pee-Pee 13?
154
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:13,345
-Fart cushions are funny.
-Ha-ha-ha.
155
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,267
There's the guy.
I'm getting a little nervous.
156
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:21,519
I'm starting to sweat like
those people on Locked Up Abroad .
157
00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:24,438
I don't know why.
I haven't swallowed a heroin balloon.
158
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:26,899
Okay, let's go.
Pretend we're out of breath.
159
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,404
Out of breath, not out of your mind.
160
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,993
Hey, sorry, can I just run back
into the theater for a second?
161
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:37,244
I left my iPhone...
162
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,663
...and the prescription
for her medication is on it.
163
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,873
-Which theater were you in?
-Theater 5.
164
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,750
Went to the 11:15, got out at 1:20.
165
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,793
A little long. Could have cut 10 from it.
166
00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,837
We'll be right back.
167
00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:53,677
Wow, your walk with purpose
is getting almost as impressive...
168
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:56,846
...as Han's "bang, bang,
you're in my house now, bitch!"
169
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,097
I know.
170
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,643
What about Han? Before yesterday,
we thought he was 53 and unarmed.
171
00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:04,395
I guess we learn something new
about people every day.
172
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,274
Like how we learned that when
you get nervous, I'm disposable.
173
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,942
That was very uncharacteristic of me.
174
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:15,532
Hi, um, Hallelujah.
Cool name, by the way.
175
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:19,244
-How you doing today, Hallelujah?
-Bitter.
176
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:22,873
They wouldn't let me put an
exclamation point on my name tag.
177
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:26,250
Um, is there any way you could make
a fresh batch of popcorn?
178
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:29,629
I could, but it takes 10 minutes
and your show starts in two.
179
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,215
Actually, it takes three,
and I can miss a few trailers.
180
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:33,924
I used to work at a Cineplex Five.
181
00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:36,677
Oh, so now you just know
everything about life.
182
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:41,975
Come on! The opening scene sets up
where he gets his superpowers from.
183
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,937
Hey, Hallelujah here is doing
the best he can.
184
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:49,566
I mean, based on his name, his parents
clearly had bigger dreams for him.
185
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,985
It's not his fault you guys showed up
two minutes before the show starts.
186
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,322
Maybe next time you'll show up
10 minutes early...
187
00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,573
...without the attitude
and the fidgety exhaling.
188
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,369
-You think Hallelujah doesn't hear that?
-He does.
189
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:04,331
Sorry to be such a problem.
We'll take whatever you've got ready.
190
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,625
No, girl. I got you.
191
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,710
I'm gonna make you a fresh batch.
192
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:10,796
Hallelujah? Could I have some fresh too?
193
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:13,340
You'll get the burnt ones and like it, nerd.
194
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,096
Let's sit down there.
195
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:23,057
Oh, I'm not sticking to the floor yet.
Fancy theater.
196
00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:26,352
Oh, hey, guys, hope I wasn't too hard
on you out there.
197
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,980
-Nice cape.
-Thanks. I had it in my backpack.
198
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,234
- I wasn't sure.
- Hmm.
199
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:37,530
You made the right choice.
200
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,534
She likes my cape.
201
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,703
Technically, she likes your sister's cape.
202
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,292
Okay, so I don't know anything
about these superhero movies.
203
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:52,044
It's a remake of a prequel to a sequel?
204
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,548
-I'm already confused.
-Okay, so...
205
00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:56,298
...there's always a nerdy guy...
206
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:02,139
...and he's either been wronged
or bitten or exposed to something toxic...
207
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:03,306
...that gives him powers.
208
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:05,642
He's in love with a girl
who his rival tries to kill...
209
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,936
...but won't, because they
have to make another movie.
210
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,522
Also partial nudity,
product placement, dope explosions...
211
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,524
...and a killer score by Hans Zimmer.
212
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,860
Okay, your knowledge
of these superhero movies...
213
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,321
...is kind of turning me on right now.
214
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,576
Wait, are you kidding me?
215
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:24,827
The hero has red hair as a child?
216
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:29,081
Um, weird because when he grows up,
he has black hair!
217
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,125
Was there some sort of chemical spill?
218
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:34,379
Which, by the way,
wasn't in the original comic book!
219
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:37,090
-What am I, dumb?
-Okay, okay, come on.
220
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,801
-Let's go to another movie.
-What are you talking about?
221
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:42,553
Well, you obviously hate this.
You're yelling at the screen.
222
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,222
Yelling at the screen is the best part
of going to movies...
223
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:47,267
...and more white people
should learn that.
224
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,815
- Aah!
- Oh, wow, look at that.
225
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:56,442
That car just exploded
in front of those two girls...
226
00:12:56,610 --> 00:13:01,990
...and one didn't use the other's body
to block her from the flying debris.
227
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,701
Are you ever gonna let this go?
228
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,952
I don't know, I mean,
it was kind of a big deal.
229
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,496
You put my life in danger.
230
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:14,043
Well, I've apologized about it twice.
I don't know how much more I can do.
231
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:22,344
Yeah, I could have died, but you
apologized twice, so I guess we're good.
232
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,429
I don't like this movie.
It's violence against women.
233
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,932
Let's go see that
Katherine Heigl rom-com sequel.
234
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:31,186
Talk about violence against women.
235
00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:33,312
I am gonna go spend
some time with Katie Heigl.
236
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,105
At least she won't make me feel guilty.
237
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:39,903
See you. Enjoy three
"Walking on Sunshine" montages.
238
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,823
I don't wanna go to a movie by myself.
239
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,869
And you're right, I'm sorry.
I hate the way I acted.
240
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,330
I'm a spoiled rich girl,
I always put myself first...
241
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,624
...and I know that's something
you would never do.
242
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,459
Shut up.
243
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,421
Max, I think I just saw Han.
244
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,174
It is Han. What's he doing here?
245
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,094
Why's he sitting
all the way in the back?
246
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:08,139
I don't know, maybe he's afraid of
blocking absolutely no one's view.
247
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:12,519
And who is that guy
and girl he's sitting with?
248
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,772
Is Han in a threesome?
249
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:19,234
-Does he secretly have game?
-Heh. Please.
250
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:23,446
The only game Han has is
"One, two, buckle my shoe."
251
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:29,911
Wait, he's leaving,
and so is the guy he was sitting next to.
252
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,621
Did Han just get more interesting?
253
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,874
We have to follow him.
254
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:39,587
Oh. He can blast a wall with his thoughts,
but he can't get out of handcuffs?
255
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:42,298
Even I could get out of handcuffs!
256
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:46,219
-Have fun being lied to.
-You're right. You're always right.
257
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:48,596
Hey, are you seeing anyone?
258
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,307
That was hard to watch.
259
00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:57,647
Why is he going to the bathroom
with that stranger?
260
00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,649
Is Han also a Republican senator?
261
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,568
Usher.
262
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:12,245
Are all men's rooms this depressing?
263
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:15,706
We are such different people.
I was gonna say how nice it is.
264
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:20,294
I don't hear sex sounds,
and he's not on the changing table.
265
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,673
So maybe drugs are involved.
266
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,051
You think Han's an Asian drug dealer?
267
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:29,053
What's he selling? Crystal math?
268
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,431
-Oh, look, Han's coming.
-Oh, gross.
269
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:35,143
No, no. I meant he's coming this way.
270
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,562
You're running. Don't run.
271
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:42,817
It's Han. For him every step we take
is like a hundred-meter dash.
272
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,611
Sorry, you're the one
who doesn't want Han to see us.
273
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,905
I don't want
that kind of relationship with him.
274
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:51,618
You mean the kind of relationship where you
see someone you know and say hello?
275
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,162
Yeah, I definitely don't want that.
276
00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:58,040
-Ladies, may I see your tickets, please?
-Tickets? Max, do you--?
277
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:04,589
Can I see your tickets, please?
I saw you go into another theater.
278
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:09,385
-Caroline?
-Hi, honey!
279
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,221
Hello?
280
00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:15,475
Honey, I forgot my ticket.
He has my ticket.
281
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,144
Han, this nice usher man
thinks I snuck into the theater.
282
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,895
So just show him the tickets.
283
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,565
Uh, uh....
284
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:26,735
-You two are together?
-Yeah, why?
285
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:31,198
Oh, it's nothing. None of my business,
but he just seems too old for you.
286
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,369
-He's 29.
-What?!
287
00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:35,953
Uh....
288
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,873
I'm gonna have to see you
and your girlfriend's tickets.
289
00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:42,168
-I thought I put the ticket in here.
-Tickets.
290
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:47,423
-You put two tickets in there, honey.
-Um, okay.
291
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:51,344
I cannot find it. Them.
292
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,931
Sir, you know that sneaking
into a theater is a felony, right?
293
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,975
It is?
294
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,062
Hon, what's that face?
295
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:03,940
It's the same face I made when I peed--
296
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:07,443
Oh, honey.
297
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:10,113
How will I live with the shame?
298
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,740
Well, at least your fanny pack...
299
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:14,409
...isn't the most embarrassing thing
about you anymore.
300
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:24,919
Well, well, well. Look who it is.
301
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,463
Hair-flipping girl.
302
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,842
I don't know what you're doing,
but it feels weird.
303
00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:34,471
Now look who's walk, walk,
walking with purpose away from me.
304
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,181
-Again.
-What?
305
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,182
-It wasn't a big deal.
-Really?
306
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,434
Because I went to movie jail with Han.
307
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,644
-Cool.
-We have a mug shot.
308
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:45,731
We're a notorious gangster couple
now down at the Cineplex.
309
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:50,068
That's right, Han-nie and Clyde.
But you know what? I'm fine.
310
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:54,115
I'm thrilled, actually, because you
walking away gave me one thing.
311
00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:57,410
An unobstructed view
of my sweet, sweet ass?
312
00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:01,498
No. The satisfaction of knowing
that you are just as selfish as me.
313
00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,665
What a selfish thing to say.
314
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,795
Oh. You can walk, walk, walk
away from me, Max.
315
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,838
But you can't walk away
from knowing that you split the scene.
316
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,673
What? I thought you were behind me.
317
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,634
And besides,
we couldn't both get caught.
318
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,596
Who would live to tell the tale
of the great Caroline Channing:
319
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,681
"the girl who couldn't walk fast enough"?
320
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,308
Oh, no, no, no. Don't turn this around.
321
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:24,186
Now I see it, the whole "Max" of it all.
322
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:27,105
When we got caught,
you only thought about saving yourself...
323
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:29,275
...and you weren't defending
poor Hallelujah...
324
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,653
...you just wanted fresh popcorn
for yourself.
325
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,779
What can I say? I guess you're onto me.
326
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,824
You said you'd take a bullet for me.
327
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,784
You'd never take a bullet for me.
328
00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,868
Probably not. No one ever takes a bullet.
329
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,329
It's just something people say
that they don't mean.
330
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:46,125
Like "How was your day?"
or "We'll stop if it hurts."
331
00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:52,714
Wow. So this is who we are, huh?
332
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,009
Two selfish girls
who always put ourselves...
333
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:58,429
...before everyone else
and are willing to do anything to survive?
334
00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,681
Guess we are.
335
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,307
Man, we're gonna crush
the cupcake competition.
336
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,810
But, Max, even though we're ruthless...
337
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:07,605
...every now and then, on our behalf,
we do put ourselves second.
338
00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:10,650
And I guess that's what
makes us best friends.
339
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,819
-I don't think I've ever done that.
-Yes, you have.
340
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:17,198
You let me stay on your couch
when I had no place to stay.
341
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:21,118
-I guess I did.
-And I gave you....
342
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,372
Go ahead.
343
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:28,710
Well, there must be something
where I didn't put myself first.
344
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:31,128
Let me know when you find it.
345
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,174
Sophie, just look at you.
346
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:38,677
You couldn't look more scrumptious.
347
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:43,348
Oh, maybe I could,
with a little chocolate drizzled on me.
348
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,896
Oh, good, there you are, Han.
349
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:52,858
I just have one question
that I have to ask you.
350
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:56,988
What is your favorite musical?
Is it The Wiz?
351
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:02,701
"Wiz," Max!
I found another one, right?
352
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,203
How do you even know about this?
353
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:09,041
Oh, Oleg told me
while we were having phone sex.
354
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:14,130
And by "phone sex," she means
we were using the phone in the sex.
355
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:16,840
Don't worry, Han.
356
00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:20,053
A lot of older men
can't control their bladder.
357
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,596
I am twenty-freaking-nine!
358
00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:25,432
What?! Ha-ha-ha.
359
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:33,691
-I am humiliated, Max.
-Hey, listen to me.
360
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:36,527
You didn't sell Caroline out.
A lot of people would have...
361
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:40,073
...but you just stood there
like a man and peed your pants.
362
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,491
That's true. I did.
363
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:45,411
By the way, why were you at the movies
in the middle of the day?
364
00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:48,914
Sometimes people bug me
and I need some time away.
365
00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:52,417
You know what, Han? You're cool.
366
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:56,881
We're gonna hang sometime.
Not now, not in a week, but in the future.
367
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,675
I'm just saying, I've got my eye on you.
368
00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:31,249
English - US - SDH
30533
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