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1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,795
I can't believe you guys are still staring
over there.
2
00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:06,924
Some mothers tend to breast feed
for a lot longer these days.
3
00:00:07,091 --> 00:00:09,968
It's called attachment parenting.
4
00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:14,055
When the kid's that big, it's called dating.
5
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:18,435
I mean, he's gotta come up for air
at some point.
6
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,603
No, he doesn't.
7
00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:23,481
Isn't he too old to drink from the teat?
8
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,568
The kid is my height.
9
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,364
Don't get any ideas.
10
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:36,286
Well, it's happened. I've lived too long.
11
00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:38,747
Miss? I'm ready to order.
12
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:42,334
I can't.
I mean, I respect it all, but I'll throw up.
13
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,753
I'll go.
14
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:48,215
I can't afford HBO, and it's the closest
I can get to seeing Game Of Thrones.
15
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:51,801
Hi, what can I get you?
16
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,847
He's obviously good, drink-wise.
17
00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:57,140
I'll have tea and a turkey club.
18
00:00:57,307 --> 00:01:00,018
Anything for him? Coffee for the milk?
19
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:01,853
Burger, fries?
20
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:05,316
I'll have fries.
21
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:27,504
Ooh, late-night phone call.
Ring-a-ding-dang.
22
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:31,257
Someone's gonna get
their freaky freak on.
23
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,843
-It's my father.
-I don't judge.
24
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,680
Hi, Daddy.
25
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,307
Me? I'm fine.
26
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:43,771
Little bummed it's truffle season, and no one
I know knows what a truffle is, but....
27
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,563
Oh, our estate auction?
28
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,859
I think I heard something about that.
29
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:52,153
But honestly, Daddy,
I haven't given it a second thought.
30
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,115
No, you don't have to worry about me.
31
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:59,118
I am not at all emotional about it.
32
00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,123
Whoa.
33
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,002
Thank God it's not flip-flop Friday.
34
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:14,092
I'll ask her. My father wants to know
if you'll come to the prison and meet him.
35
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:18,222
-Sure.
-Great, we'll see you tomorrow. Bye.
36
00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:19,556
I'm not going.
37
00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:25,353
What? Why did you say yes?
38
00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:29,942
Because you never tell a man in prison no.
He could hang himself with his belt.
39
00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:33,570
Do not give me that look.
It happened to me twice already.
40
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:37,658
Oh, God, has anything
not happened to you twice already?
41
00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:41,787
Max, come on. It's really important
to me that you meet my father.
42
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:43,122
You never met my father.
43
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:47,209
You don't see me dragging you to
every railroad boxcar trying to find him.
44
00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:51,462
Come on,
it's gonna be a really hard week for me.
45
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:54,216
Has any week
ever not been hard for you?
46
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:57,760
Everything I've ever owned
is being auctioned off to the public.
47
00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,221
I'm humiliated.
48
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,390
This a bad time to tell you
your one long face hair is back?
49
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,769
There's something
they can't take away from me.
50
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:08,354
And apparently, I can't either.
51
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,610
Well, well, here comes the sun.
52
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:15,862
And the moon is looking great too.
53
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:22,953
Oh, Earl, your flirting is just the right
amount of dirty, and that's not easy.
54
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:29,627
Sophie's here. Quick, how's my hairnet?
55
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:33,379
I'm about to go over
and ask her out on a romantic date.
56
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,925
A date? Isn't that a waste of time?
57
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:40,219
I mean, you guys already have sex
so often, I took a pregnancy test.
58
00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:45,893
Evening, Sophie.
59
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:52,524
As you know, we have now been
together for 468 sexual encounters.
60
00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:56,277
I believe it is time I take you out
on a romantic date.
61
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,489
Oh, I don't know.
62
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:01,116
Who has time to go out anymore?
63
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:06,163
Can't you just come over
and ruin my sheets like you usually do?
64
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:07,747
Oh, just say yes.
65
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,875
I'll take you anywhere you want.
66
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,836
Then take me
to the Channing family auction...
67
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,381
...and buy me something gold.
68
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,007
How is this romantic?
69
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:21,302
"How is this romantic?" It's gold.
70
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:26,557
Wait, is that the catalog
from Caroline's estate auction?
71
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:30,187
Yes. I found it in the trash
out behind our building.
72
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:33,148
Caroline threw it there
because she doesn't wanna see it.
73
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:36,985
Give it to me before she comes out
and lights you on fire. She does that now.
74
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,279
Sophie, let go. Seriously.
75
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,074
You're never gonna win, Max.
76
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,783
You know, when I was born...
77
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:48,247
...the doctors tried to pry
my dead twin sister from my hands...
78
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,581
...but I never let go.
79
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:53,084
She was my first doll.
80
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,507
Sophie. You don't happen to have
any tweezers, do you?
81
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,550
Like, the really good industrial kind?
82
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:03,762
Oh, you know about the hair?
83
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:09,309
Because I was gonna have to
take you out for a beer and talk about it.
84
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,896
Max, what is that thing
you have behind your back?
85
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,189
What? No, nothing.
86
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,817
Yes, right here.
87
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,279
Is that the auction catalog
that just fell between your legs?
88
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:25,617
No. You're watching an episode
of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.
89
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,452
What is this thing doing here?
90
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:30,456
Isn't it enough I have a 2-foot face hair?
91
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,582
Nice, Han. She's upset again. Happy?
92
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,793
Sorry. I thought we were playing
some kind of hiding game.
93
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,672
Reach for me like that,
we'll be playing a game called...
94
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,257
...Guess Which Part of Han I Cut Off.
95
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:46,055
Yeah, that's right, you'd better walk away.
96
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:51,100
Now can I have my catalog back?
97
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:55,189
You brought this here? I can't believe it.
I can't believe you think it's okay...
98
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,608
...to sit here and flip through this catalog...
99
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,151
...that contains everything
from my old life.
100
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:02,779
I just think it's really insensitive and stuff.
101
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,947
I mean, what are you thinking?
102
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,492
What is wrong with you?
103
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:09,911
I mean, besides your obvious choice
of bad fabric and color?
104
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:14,290
Oh, no.
105
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:21,048
You back up your truck, bearded lady.
106
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,593
I'm insensitive?
107
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:28,012
I'm the thief
who stole all those people's money?
108
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:31,682
And you don't think this color
is happening?
109
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:35,394
Pick up a copy of Polish Vogue.
110
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:39,066
All right. Okay, okay,
it's all getting a little tense.
111
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:42,610
I think we're all clear
about what needs to happen right now.
112
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,737
Plink.
113
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,786
Wow, this prison's a lot better
than the last one.
114
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,620
It's more like a country club.
115
00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:55,790
I think I saw a list for mixed doubles
where we signed in.
116
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,293
I know your idea of a country club
is an abandoned car in the woods...
117
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:03,632
...but look around, there's security
cameras and bars on the windows.
118
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,466
All right, a rough country club...
119
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:08,595
...where the strongest golfers
make the caddies their bitch.
120
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,639
Max, my father's in prison.
121
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,182
Be more sensitive and stuff.
122
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,519
Look, I get it. You're protective.
123
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:19,523
He's your father and you love him,
but I'm sorry, not everybody feels that way.
124
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,903
- Daddy.
- There she is. Oh.
125
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,154
How's my little girl?
126
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:27,572
-I'm great, Daddy.
-Yeah?
127
00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,576
I like the new uniform,
and it isn't at all prisony.
128
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,911
I don't know what's worse,
being locked up...
129
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,913
...or looking like
you work at a Banana Republic.
130
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:39,625
Now, wait a minute, this can't be Max.
131
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:43,172
From the stories I've heard,
I was expecting more of a truck driver.
132
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,632
Brian, you might wanna look
the other way.
133
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,886
I think Max is here to break me out.
134
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:50,137
Ain't that right, Max?
135
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,098
- Ha, ha. Martin Channing.
- Ha, ha.
136
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,766
Shall we?
137
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:59,228
Okay, fine. Your dad is awesome.
138
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,776
Our projected cupcake business
growth ratio isn't where I want it to be.
139
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:09,156
But with autumn here, we have a lot
of hope in our new pumpkin-spice flavor.
140
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,242
Honey, I love you very much,
but we're almost out of time...
141
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:15,286
...and I can't talk any more
about cupcakes.
142
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:17,872
Just wanted to pick your brain.
143
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,209
Max, I asked you to meet me today
because I wanna ask you a favor.
144
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:25,254
You want me to smuggle something in?
Something out? I'm good either way.
145
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,798
I want you to take Caroline
to the estate auction.
146
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,302
Daddy, no.
Why would I put myself through that?
147
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:34,096
Why would I go where everybody knows
who I am and be publicly humiliated?
148
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:37,058
I know it'll be hard,
but I promise it'll be worth it.
149
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:40,479
There's one thing at that auction
I care about that I want you to have.
150
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:41,730
What?
151
00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:43,565
The painting of me as a baby?
152
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:45,609
The sculpture of me as a 5-year-old?
153
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,945
The tapestry of me at 14?
154
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:51,197
I have a pretty good police sketch
of me at 7.
155
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:56,077
I want you to go there, get the loving cup
you won jumping with Chestnut.
156
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:57,913
I know how much that meant to you.
157
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,666
Even if I could bring myself
to go through all that...
158
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:03,793
...we need every penny we have
for the cupcake business.
159
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,254
Tell him, Max.
160
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:08,381
Martin, you know I'd do anything for you.
161
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,008
Anything.
162
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,386
-But it's true, we're broke.
-Time is up.
163
00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:17,057
Seriously, Daddy, I use the box
our soap comes in as a wallet.
164
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,811
Man, that is hard to hear.
165
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:24,730
Max, you're my girl, right?
166
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,525
Am I?
167
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,695
I need you to find a way to get that cup.
168
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:34,073
No matter what she says,
make sure she gets that cup.
169
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,868
-You follow me?
-You want me to follow you?
170
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:40,913
-Can I even go back there?
-No, you can't, miss.
171
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,667
Oh, follow you.
Like follow your thought.
172
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:47,169
It's important for her
and it's important for the both of you.
173
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,423
For your futures, okay?
174
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:51,883
Get the cup. What are you getting?
175
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,510
The cup, Martin?
176
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,432
-I love you, sweetheart.
-Love you too, Daddy.
177
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,184
And don't worry, we'll get that cup.
178
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,979
I'm not getting that cup.
179
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:06,440
What? Then why did you say you would?
180
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:09,942
You can't tell a man in prison no.
He'll hang himself with his belt.
181
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,986
It happened to you twice already.
182
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,990
-We have to go get that cup.
-Why?
183
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,743
There's money in the cup.
184
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,662
What are you talking about?
185
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:23,749
He said we needed it for our future,
then he winked.
186
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:27,961
That or he was hitting on me, which,
I'm not gonna lie, I wouldn't hate.
187
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:31,465
How would he even hide money in a cup,
Nancy Drew?
188
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:34,717
What does a loving cup look like?
Is it like a bowling trophy?
189
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,635
How dare you?
190
00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:38,846
Does it have, like, a wood base?
191
00:10:40,057 --> 00:10:43,059
Yep. I used to hide my stash
in my mother's bowling trophy.
192
00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:46,855
You're telling me the man who invented
a way to defraud most of New York...
193
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:50,399
...isn't as clever as a stoned 12-year-old
with a butter knife?
194
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,568
It was weird
how it was all about the cup...
195
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,946
...and so little
about the pumpkin-spice cupcake.
196
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:57,282
Right?
And you don't think your father...
197
00:10:57,448 --> 00:11:00,869
...who spent a fortune to turn you
into a sculpture, presumably nude...
198
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:04,373
...wouldn't try to figure out a way
to take care of his only daughter?
199
00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:06,291
The man's a criminal genius...
200
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:09,794
...and he found a way to put money
for your future in the cup.
201
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,422
And clearly that's why he dragged me
out to prison.
202
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:15,091
He knows you'll do what I say
because I'm the boss of you...
203
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:17,427
...and pretty soon
I'm gonna be your stepmom.
204
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,514
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
I hear what you're saying.
205
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,682
But I just have one big question.
206
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,812
-How much are we willing to bid?
-No. About my disguise.
207
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:30,273
I know I'm a brunette,
but do I have bangs?
208
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:38,155
Oh. Actually, I need two.
One for me, and one for my friend....
209
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,491
Zooey Deschanel.
210
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,411
What? You look like her.
211
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:46,414
Everybody does. It's the least expensive
look you can do and still get laid.
212
00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:51,086
A lot of this is from storage.
I haven't seen it in years.
213
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:54,630
Wow. You had all these closets
and no one in your family is gay?
214
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:59,719
Look, it's the Louis XVI
I used to have in my playroom.
215
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:03,432
My cousin Peter and I used to climb
in here and play French Revolution.
216
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:07,018
I'd be Marie Antoinette, and he'd help
me put my hair up in a high chignon--
217
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:11,105
Ah! Now I'm feeling bad for his wife.
218
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:16,153
-So where do you think the cup is?
-Let's look over there.
219
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:19,739
Oh. This is from the summer house.
220
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,450
Max, you know the expression...
221
00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:24,369
..."born with a silver spoon
in your mouth"?
222
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,745
This is mine.
223
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,207
Miss, do not handle that.
I'm asking you to put it down, right now.
224
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,251
Hey, you might wanna relax the attitude.
225
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:35,629
You really think my friend
Jennifer Love Hewitt...
226
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:38,466
...international movie
and Lifetime channel superstar...
227
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,092
...is gonna steal a used spoon?
228
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,304
Heh. Sorry, I didn't recognize you.
229
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:44,722
Now I see it.
230
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,850
I thought I was Zooey Deschanel.
231
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:50,187
Eh, six of one.
All you Hollywood brunettes look alike.
232
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,274
The auction is starting, ladies and gentlemen.
233
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,150
Hi, Max.
234
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,320
I'm so excited to be here.
235
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:01,155
Oh, hello, Caroline.
236
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,240
Sophie, I apologize for the other day.
237
00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:05,826
I was really tense and I didn't mean it.
238
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:10,956
I think you have a unique sense of style.
You do so much with so little fabric.
239
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,710
I do.
240
00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:18,881
And I see you took my advice
and got Polish Vogue.
241
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,259
How nice is this?
242
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,345
We are finally on a romantic date.
243
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,388
We just came from lunch
at Rainbow Room.
244
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:28,725
And I'm wearing my best Fila track suit.
245
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:32,604
Now he's going to buy me
something golden.
246
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:35,065
Yeah, I want to be covered in gold.
247
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:38,235
I want a golden shower.
248
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:44,950
Let's see, if I was a loving cup,
where would I be?
249
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:49,162
Someplace with a lot of cash shoved up
inside you. How much you think is in there?
250
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,831
Well, the wooden base
of the cup is about this big...
251
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,793
...and I know you can get 20,000
in an Altoids tin...
252
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,672
...and this is about three times that size,
so 60,000.
253
00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:02,384
Sixty thousand dollars?
254
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,761
That's like a million dollars!
255
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,139
So I could have 60 thousand dollars
in an hour?
256
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:12,018
Well, we. We could have it.
257
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,937
Did I say "I"? How weird.
258
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:20,192
-And sold.
-Wow, you're getting everything.
259
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,820
Yes, we are.
260
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,822
Aren't we, Miss Pickle?
261
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:26,157
I'm Hamish McDonough, by the way.
262
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:30,287
Oh. I'm Max.
And this is my friend Katie Holmes.
263
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:34,124
We won't speak of it.
264
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:37,751
But I just have to say well done.
265
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:43,299
And if you ever need anything,
don't hesitate.
266
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,217
Oh, you have your own shop.
267
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,095
Just the Two of Us Antiques.
268
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,096
Is that you and Miss Pickle?
269
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:52,308
No, dear, I'm not insane.
270
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:59,024
Next item for auction, a 19th-century
ivory-and-gold bedside table.
271
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,403
Say it again.
272
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:08,866
This is highly unorthodox,
but I shall repeat the item.
273
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:11,870
A 19th-century
gold-and-ivory bedside table.
274
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:18,500
I'm a very lucky man, yes?
275
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:22,422
We'll start the opening bid on this item
at $50,000.
276
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,381
I'm out.
277
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,092
- Fifty thousand.
- Here.
278
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,763
- Do I hear 60?
- Sixty.
279
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:31,764
- Sixty, over here. Do I hear 70?
- Here.
280
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,017
Seventy. Do I hear 80?
281
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,352
Yes, you do.
282
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:40,440
Eighty going once, going twice, sold.
283
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:45,070
-Hamish, you killed it.
-YOLO.
284
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,280
And the next item up for bid...
285
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:52,201
...is a silver-plated tin loving cup,
property of Caroline Channing.
286
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,788
Ahem. How much you think
this is gonna go for?
287
00:15:54,953 --> 00:15:58,165
Kitsch is always a wild card,
but it has no real value.
288
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,085
No real value? Please.
289
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,086
I won that when no one thought I could.
290
00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:05,298
I jumped 14 hurdles in the rain
with walking pneumonia.
291
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,674
It's worth something.
292
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:09,052
Yeah, because it has money in it.
293
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:12,721
-We'll start the bidding at 50 dollars.
-Fifty.
294
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:15,015
Fifty-one.
295
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:18,269
Sir, it's in increments of 10 dollars.
296
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,480
Then I'm out.
297
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:24,109
Sorry, the Rainbow Room
really sucked me dry.
298
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:27,946
Guess what else is pretty dry right now?
299
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,448
-Do I hear 60?
-Sixty.
300
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,993
What are you doing?
You said it had no real value.
301
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,913
I know, but wouldn't it be camp
to see Miss Pickle...
302
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,707
...taking a bath in that
for my Christmas card?
303
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,292
Do I hear 70?
304
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:44,379
My cup is not a puppy bath. Seventy.
305
00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:45,629
Eighty.
306
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:48,508
Back out now, ladies,
I'm a paddle bitch.
307
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,759
Well, I'm a "bitch" bitch. A hundred.
308
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,886
-A hundred twenty-five.
-A hundred fifty.
309
00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:55,597
-A hundred and seventy-five.
-Hamish came to play.
310
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:58,893
So did we.
I broke my hymen getting that thing.
311
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:01,687
Is that why it's called a loving cup?
312
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,188
Two hundred.
313
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:05,817
I have two hundred. Do I hear 225?
314
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:10,154
I know you have no interest in what I
would normally offer to get what I want.
315
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:14,032
Don't be so sure.
I was bisexual till I was 62.
316
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:18,454
Look, Katie Holmes really wants this
and she's been through a lot.
317
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,957
True. It's yours. I'm out.
318
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:24,376
Two hundred going once,
going twice, sold.
319
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,211
Yes, I'm rich!
320
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,798
Did you just say "I'm"?
321
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:33,427
I think you're hearing me wrong.
322
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:37,640
Okay. Before we use all this money on
the business, we should take a vacation.
323
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,144
How about it?
You, me, Chestnut, Jet Skis.
324
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,938
-Okay, here we go.
-No, no, no. Don't open it now.
325
00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:46,441
-There are cameras.
-We can go there and open it.
326
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:50,111
Right next to that thing where you and
your queen cousin played dress-up.
327
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,405
How could I not have known?
When we played Cowboys and Indians...
328
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,284
...he played the Indian's makeup artist.
329
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:59,453
I have to say, Max,
it'll be nice to have some money again.
330
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:01,998
But what's nice
is now you see who my father is...
331
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,166
...a man who, despite all of his flaws...
332
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:08,296
...never stopped thinking about what
he could do to take care of his little girl.
333
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,303
It's empty?
334
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,806
Son of a bitch.
335
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:22,477
Martin, we just have one question.
336
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,188
Where's the money?
337
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,231
I'm sorry, what?
338
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:31,402
Where's the money?
339
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:33,904
What?
340
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:36,740
-She's asking where the money is.
-Oh.
341
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,243
-Uh, what money?
-The money in the cup, Daddy.
342
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,913
The money you hid in the cup
that was for my future.
343
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:43,748
Where's my 60 grand?
344
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:46,041
Which, for anyone
who might be watching...
345
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,877
...we were going to give all to charity.
346
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,088
Why do you think I would hide money?
347
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,508
Besides the fact
I'm here for hiding money.
348
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,425
Well, that might have been my fault.
349
00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:58,221
No, it's not her fault, Daddy. It's yours.
350
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,890
You were supposed to take care of me
and you didn't.
351
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,683
You didn't think about me at all.
352
00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:05,144
And it's not just me.
You hurt a lot of people.
353
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,730
Do you ever even think about them?
354
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:11,025
Yes, I do. Now, every day.
355
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:15,613
But I also think about what I did to you
every day, all day.
356
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:18,866
I mean, back then, when I figured out
a way to get free money...
357
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,286
...all I could think about was the money.
358
00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:23,246
I hear that.
359
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:27,040
But I did want to give you
something for your future, sweetheart...
360
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:31,003
...which is why I asked Max
to make sure that you got that cup.
361
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:35,173
And I know it's only tin, but it's the most
valuable thing I can give you...
362
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:39,721
...because it would remind you that no
matter how hard the circumstances are...
363
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,265
...you could get over any hurdle.
364
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,351
Even the ones I put in front of you.
365
00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:49,689
Okay, well, we should go. Our time's up.
366
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,691
Yeah, but-- What? You just got here.
367
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,651
Well, I think I'm done for today.
368
00:19:55,903 --> 00:20:00,825
Boy, I've dreaded the day
you looked at me like this.
369
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:04,162
Now that it's here, it's even worse.
370
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:08,249
I only hope that one day
you could look at me again...
371
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:10,667
...the way you did
the day you won that cup.
372
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:19,551
I love you, honey.
373
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,055
I love you too, Daddy.
374
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:27,059
Oh, heh. Sorry, you meant her.
375
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,228
See you next week?
376
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:38,779
Wow, having a father is rough.
377
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:42,450
-Are you okay?
-I will be.
378
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,868
Because despite
what everyone else may think...
379
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:48,413
...he's not just a thief,
he's my father and I love him.
380
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:52,292
Look, if it's any consolation, I now see
how that could have happened to him.
381
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,380
I'm not condoning it, but I see
how people can get caught up.
382
00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:59,549
I'm pissed as hell that next week I won't
be riding a horse who's riding a Jet Ski.
383
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:30,664
English - US - SDH
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