Original subtitles

- Huh. Weird. - What?

Well, this article says to put cabbage leaves in your bra

when you're ready to stop breastfeeding.

Why would you do that?

To help dry up your milk.

What happens to the cabbage leaves?

That's your question?

Good news, my mail's finally coming to this address.

Oh, joy.

- Check it out! - What's that?

- My very first credit card. - Aw.

You never had one before?

Nope. Blockbuster card, Subway card, that's it.

Not even a library card?

[chuckles] Good one.

Congrats, son.

This is going right next to my driver's license.

Maybe it's time to retire the Velcro.

Why? It still works.

You just be careful. Those cards can get you in trouble.

Hmm, Amanda knows a thing or two about that.

Don't you, Amanda?

Oh, yeah?

When I was younger, I got a little carried away,

but I learned my lesson.

Younger, like, my age?

Yes.

So a long time ago?

Yes.

[theme music playing]

Geez, CeeCee, how'd you get food in your hair?

Yeah, I miss when she was bald.

It was our thing.

Hey, would you mind giving her a bath while I clean up?

You kidding? Tubby time's the best part of my day!

Come on, stinky girl.

Bye.

OK, no more credit card talk around Georgie.

I assumed you told him!

Well, you assumed wrong!

Don't you think he has a right to know?

Of course, he does.

What's the hold up?

He thinks I'm perfect. Why would I take that away from him?

Amanda, secrets are bad for a marriage.

Yeah, yeah.

What are we keeping secret?

This is a private conversation, honey.

I have a secret of my own.

Oh, good for you.

Would you like to hear it?

Not really.

I've been corresponding with Tonight Show host Jay Leno.

Seriously?

We share a birthday.

I sent him a card, he responded, an unlikely friendship was born.

Please, why would he be friends with you?

Simple. He's a man of the people,

and I am people.

I share a birthday with Bryant Gumbel.

Oh, come on, that's cool!

Haven't done this in a while.

Got to take the new credit card out for a spin.

Oh. Let's not go crazy.

Don't worry, after tonight, it's back to the dollar menu at Taco Bell.

[chuckles] Hey, I happen to love the dollar menu.

Girl, you better save that sexy talk for when we get home.

And I know how these credit card companies work.

Get people to run up a bill,

spend the rest of their life paying off the interest like chumps.

Well, I don't know if I'd call them "chumps".

Good thing you learned your lesson.

Mmm-hmm.

You OK? You're looking a little sweaty.

Oh, it's the... It's the salsa. It's kinda hot.

My dad taught me real early.

"Never a lender or a borrower be." That's in the Bible.

Oh, that's actually Shakespeare.

That ain't where my dad heard it.

Well, what else did your dad teach ya?

Hmm. Let's think... Oh, you'll like this one.

The secret to finding out

how your wife's gonna look when she's older,

is to check out her mother.

Oh, ew.

What? Your mom's a fox. That works in your favor.

Oh, here it comes again. Oh, ew!

Dang.

Right back at you, cowboy.

I am gonna sleep good tonight.

- So, you're happy? - The happiest.

Cool, there's something we need to talk about.

I'm sorry I called your mom hot, can we just drop it?

No, it's not that. Um...

Remember that trouble I told you about when I was younger with the credit cards?

Yeah.

And I told you I learned my lesson?

Uh-huh.

It's more of an ongoing lesson.

What do you mean?

Well, it means I still have a little bit of credit card debt.

How much we talking?

Well...

[Georgie] $12,000?

I guess she told him.

Quiet! You're gonna wake the baby.

- How could you not tell me? - Because it's my problem.

We're married now, that makes it our problem.

You only had sex with me to butter me up!

Well, think about how mad you'd be if I didn't!

You should have told me before we got married.

Yeah, well, I was taking care of it.

How?

You just send 'em 20 bucks a month per card and they kinda leave ya alone.

How many cards are there?

- A couple. - So two?

- A few. - So three?

Some.

We've been talking about moving out and getting our own place.

- How is that ever gonna happen? - I don't know, but we'll figure it out.

I cannot believe this!

- I'm so sorry. - You should be.

Well, let me make it up to you.

No, cut it out!

The Georgie Store is closed.

Yeah, I never thought Mandy would be the one to blow this up.

Me neither.

But I'll take it.

- Mornin'. - Hey.

Sure is humid out there. Gonna make my hair all frizzy.

You gonna pretend like you didn't hear us fighting last night?

That was my plan. Yes.

Did you know about the credit cards?

Uh... Yeah.

Didn't think to give me a heads-up?

I thought about it... Ooh, cinnamon! Yum.

Hey, Ruben, let me ask you a question.

If you knew a secret that affected a family member, you'd tell 'em, right?

What are you pulling him into this for?

I'd like a fresh perspective.

- Well? - What kind of secret?

A little white lie or your sister's actually your mom?

That's a thing?

When you're 16, pregnant and Catholic? Yeah.

Well, his daughter owes a ton of money and he didn't tell me about it.

Ooh, juicy. How much?

OK, that's enough. Let's get back to work.

No, I'd like to hear what he's got to say.

Georgie!

Fine!

That baby even his?

You're on thin ice, pal.

Come on. I told you about my mom.

Go!

[woman on TV] Get your taxes in order and into the mail.

[man on TV] Flyers ripped the Sabres four...

[woman 2 on TV] So don't get too comfortable...

- Got a minute? - Why?

You gonna kiss me and tell me your mother's your sister?

What?

Never mind.

Here.

What's this?

It's all my credit card bills. Everything.

Mastercard, American Express, Visa, Discover.

Are there any you don't have?

They came to me. I didn't go to them.

Whoa, what's this charge for?

Um, a purse.

Just one?

A really nice one.

I'm assuming it didn't have Velcro.

- What about this one? - Uh, that would be shoes.

- And this one? - Shoes.

What's The Plaza?

Oh, that's a hotel in New York City.

Across the street from a really great shoe store.

You went to New York to buy shoes?

I also saw a taping of Saturday Night Live, which was free.

What's this St. Joseph's Medical Center?

Oh, that, um...

That was an emergency room visit.

- What happened to you? - It wasn't me. It was a friend of mine.

What happened to her?

It was a him and he had an accident.

OK, but why did you pay the bill?

[sighs] 'Cause he was my boyfriend and he had no money.

You had no money.

Yeah, but I had the credit card.

Did he pay you back?

- No. - Well, he's gonna. Where's he live?

- I don't know. It was a long time ago. - What's his name?

Look, just drop it, OK? This is my problem.

Once again, it's our problem!

Don't yell at me!

I'm not yelling, I'm freaking out!

[man on TV] The Flyers ripped the Sabres 14-3,

the Canadiens got past the Flames 7-6.

Want a hug?

Sure.

All right, I thought of a way you can make it up to me.

Georgie, when I found out you knocked up my daughter,

I was gonna shoot you.

I didn't. We're square.

Mandy paid some guy's medical bills. What's his name?

[chuckles] You're not gonna quit, are you?

St. Joseph's Medical Center.

Oh, that's a chunk of change.

And I'm gonna get it. What's his name?

Why don't you ask Mandy?

I did. She won't tell me.

Look, if I tell you, it has to stay secret.

Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.

We're not on the monkey bars, just say you promise.

Promise.

Thank you.

Georgie.

You're a good man.

I try, sir.

So glad I didn't shoot him.

Can I help you?

You know a girl name of Mandy McCallister?

I used to. Why?

You owe her a bunch of money.

Who are you?

I'm her husband.

Oh, damn, she got married?

I always thought someday we'd have a reconciliation.

Yeah, well, you snooze, you lose.

You're kinda young, ain't you?

I live a healthy lifestyle. I stay out of the sun.

What are we gonna do about this?

Oh, yeah, I've been meaning to pay her back.

Well, now's your chance.

Come on in.

- You see her mom much? - Why?

I always thought she was kinda hot.

Oh, ew.

You sure you don't want a beer?

No, thank you.

Now, how we gonna handle this money situation?

Simple. I'll, uh, write you a check.

All right, then. I appreciate you being cool about this.

Well, making amends is one of the steps of being sober.

Ain't not drinking, like, step number one?

Oh, yeah, but that's beer. That don't count.

You know, Mandy was right to break up with me. I wasn't in a great place.

- Worse than now? - Way worse.

The night she dumped me, I fell down a flight of stairs.

Ouch.

Good thing I was drunk. Only broke a wrist.

That's what that medical bill was. Still clicks. Hear it?

Oh, yeah. Like a BIC pen.

Well, anyways, here you go.

Thank you.

Are y'all gonna have kids?

We got one. Little girl.

Oh, well, maybe I can come meet her sometime.

I guess.

Where ya live?

Alabama.

Shoot. Leaving the state would be a parole violation.

Well, that's a shame. Good luck to ya.

I'm sorry, sir.

This check is no good.

Yeah, I had a feeling. Thank you.

- Hey. - Hey.

What the hell? You gave me a bad check.

Yeah, sorry.

Wait here, I'll get you cash.

[sighs]

You're awful quiet. Everything all right?

Just tired.

Busy day?

Busy, busy.

Connor, why don't you be a member of this family and join us for once?

I'm good.

I'm not.

Would you like to join me?

No.

Just know you're always welcome.

Just so you know, I'm gonna be working three nights a week at the diner.

Start chipping away at those credit cards.

What about CeeCee?

Amanda and I have already discussed it. Grandma's on the job.

If I'm around, I can...

Grandma's got it!

Hey, Mr. McCallister, if you're open to it,

I've got some ideas as to how I could be making more money at the store.

Whatcha thinking?

Well, we got a tow truck that mostly just sits there.

Why ain't we out there rescuing folks with flat tires?

'Cause the police always call Fagenbacher's Texaco

when someone needs a tow.

I get it, but what if I were to tell you my Meemaw has some cop friends

as a result of her previous endeavors?

"Endeavors". You mean an illegal gambling room?

We also had a perfectly legal video store to clean the money.

Georgie, where are you going with this?

Don't worry, everything will be above board.

We can sponsor the police softball team, make donations to their charity funds.

[scoffs] With what money?

I got a credit card.

You know, it's actually not a terrible idea.

There ya go, great minds think alike.

As long as I don't have to drive that truck at night, I'm in.

No, sir. I'll do it. I'll get a pager, be on call 24/7.

What if someone were to "accidentally" drop a box of nails over on Main Street?

Mom!

I'm trying to pay off your credit cards, so back off!

I like it. Keep thinking.

Can someone pass the salt?

Thank you.

You realize with you working nights and me on the tow truck,

we might not be seeing a lot of each other.

I know.

Or a lot of CeeCee.

Well, we'll have a family reunion when we get out of the hole I dug.

Sounds like a plan.

You're really wonderful, Georgie Cooper.

- I know. I am what you call "a catch". - [Mandy chuckles]

OK, don't get carried away with yourself.

I'm just saying, for a long time,

I thought I was the lucky one in this relationship,

but maybe it's you.

Or maybe we're both lucky.

No, I'm pretty sure it's you.

You jerk.

Hey, if it's really important to you,

I'll reach out to my ex and I'll try to get the money back.

No, no, no, you don't want that. Best to leave it in the past.

OK.

Just promise me, no more secrets.

I promise.

You sure?

If there's anything you need to tell me, now's the time.

Nothing. What about you?

Nothing. Whatcha see is whatcha get.

- OK. Love you! - Love you, too.

Well, this is a sad sight.

What took so long?

Sorry, had to fix a couple flats over on Main.

- What's the trouble? - I don't know. It just conked out.

Well, you buy a foreign car, you take your chances.

It's British.

We're saying the same thing, Gov'na.

Hey, Georgie.

Oh, hey, Lisa. Thanks for the call.

Thanks for the softball uniforms.

[chuckles]

[siren chirps]

- Aw, what a cute baby. - Thanks.

How old's this little guy?

Just turned one.

Aw, I got a daughter about that age. She's at home with my mom.

Probably putting her to bed soon.

It's been a while since I missed story time.

OK, let me tell you the specials.

The soup of the day is tomato,

and we also have a chicken fried steak with a side of mashed potatoes.

And you don't want to miss out on the pecan pie.

[sobbing]

[automated voice] You have one new message.

Hey, Connor. Jay Leno here.

Just wanted to say thanks for the care package.

You know, you can never have too many socks.

Anyway, listen, if you're ever in LA,

and you want to come by and jam with The Tonight Show band,

the guys would love it. See ya!

Connor!

[theme music playing]