All language subtitles for mary_tyler_moore_s07e16_the_ted_and_georgette_show

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all

seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can have the town,
why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

I'm waiting for another guest.

Well, who else do you know?

I invited Mel Price.

Mary, I'm surprised at you being so
insecure.

You have to butter up the station
manager by having him to dinner.

Ed.

I'll get it.

Mel, we were worried sick about you.

Hi, I'm Lou. Hi. Hi, I'm sorry I'm late.
It was a little prop.

problem at the station.

Martin Lockwood, just walked out,
suddenly find myself with an hour of

programming to fill. Oh, my God.

Ted, aren't you taking it awfully hard?

Well, the poor man.

He wakes up this morning like any other
day and he has to fill a whole hour of

programming.

I don't know where you're going to get
anybody else in a hurry.

handle this show?

Well, it hadn't occurred to me, but it's
a darn good notion.

You don't understand, Ted.

This is not just a news show. It needs
an entertainer.

Hey, guys, he thinks I'm not an
entertainer.

What's this?

Mary, do you have a large blindfold?

Gee, I'm sorry, Ted. All my blindfolds
are in the wash.

What would a napkin do?

Oh, sure, sure.

This is a little something Georgette and
I worked up as an act for a church

benefit. Come on, everybody inside.

Okay, take it, Georgette.

Ladies and gentlemen, Ted is going to
demonstrate mental powers you never knew

he had.

each one for an object which the amazing
Theodore, completely blindfolded, will

correctly identify just by reading my
mind.

Ready, Teddy?

Ready.

I'm holding an object, Ted, and thinking
about it.

I'm getting very strong waves.

Ted, get the lead out and let's come to
the point.

a pencil. The amazing Tito.

What am I holding now, Ted?

Don't blow it.

You're holding a trumpet.

Who would be carrying a trumpet?

A trombone.

Think carefully, Ted.

Everybody knows.

Everybody knows what?

is nothing to sneeze at. Ah, I'm getting
very strong waves.

No more hanky -panky, Ted.

I'm getting very, very strong waves.

Ted, what I'm holding is made of cloth
and you squeeze it with your fingers and

you blow into it.

It's a bagpipe!

Unbelievable, Mary.

Unbelievable. The way they work with
each other, the tenderness, the innocent

charm.

When was the last time you heard anybody
called a palooka?

I didn't mean it in a bad way. I think
he's a nice palooka. Oh, I know, I know.

And it shows.

In fact, I think the two of you are the
cutest husband and wife team I've seen

in years.

How would you like to turn pro?

Great idea.

And you won't even have to give up the
news show.

I just think that a husband and wife
team could add a whole

new element to that show.

You said a mouthful there.

Because it took a little longer than
most people, but it was worth waiting

opening show.

Well, it's just an audition, Mary. If we
blow it, it's also our closing show.

No. Ah, you won't blow it.

Where's Ted?

Talking to the choreographer.

The choreographer?

I didn't know the show was going to have
dancing.

Well, it wasn't. It was Ted's idea.

He wants a big production number on
every show.

How can you have a production number?
There's just you, Ted, and one guest.

I know. I hope the bishop can dance.

show business was so exciting. The
station's really giving us the big star

treatment. You know, we just left the
dressing room, there's a 12 -year -old

bottle of scotch and a bouquet of roses.

Who knows, maybe next week there'll be
something for you, Georgette.

Hey, you know the best thing of all?

They gave me a flunky.

A flunky?

Well, yeah, you know, a star needs
someone to do errands for them.

Uh, Elliot?

Yes, sir?

This is my flunky.

Give him some pictures.

I have one, Elliot.

Come on, Dad. Let's get started. Okay.
If you want those autographs, Elliot can

do that, too.

Make them personal. They're close
friends.

Wish you luck.

Yeah. Good luck.

A lot of luck. Thanks. Gee, this is
exciting.

It's like being at... Los Alamos.

Los Alamos.

Birthplace of the biggest bomb in
history.

Well,

here we go. Any predictions?

Yeah. That should shorten the war by at
least two years.

Good evening and welcome to Tonight in
Town.

And here are tonight's guest hosts, Ted
and Georgette Baxter.

Hello, hello.

Hooray, hooray. I'm Ted. And I'm
Georgette. Don't touch that dial. Don't

away. You ain't seen... Nothing yet.

We're not talking A -bomb, Mary. We're
talking H -bomb.

That was cute.

Huh? That was pretty cute.

I wouldn't want to see it often, but it
was cute.

Well, here we are, Teddy Bear, on our
very own show.

Live from Minneapolis.

And I'd like to say hello to all my
friends out there. And if it's okay, I'd

like to say hello to our children.

Hi, David. Hi, Mary Lou.

And I'd like to say a word to our
babysitter.

I'm not paying you a buck an hour to
watch television.

You are cute, little Luke.

Adorable.

Well, Mary, I think I'll go now. I'll
see you in the office tomorrow.

No, Mr. Grant, you've got to watch the
rest of the show.

Oh, that's okay. I've gotten the flavor
of it. A real friend would stay for the

whole show.

And now it's time for our first
commercial.

But don't go away, everybody. As soon as
we get back, the amazing Theodore,

that's Teddy, is going to show us his
incredible mind.

reading ability.

Okay, let's go.

This part of the program is brought to
you by Bowser Banquet, the doggy food

that every dog loves.

Yes, sir. You just watch Happy here
gobble up her Bowser Banquet.

Okay, come and get it.

Here comes the choo -choo.

Geez.

I just forgot about playing choo -choo.

Did you want to grow up to be a great
Dane?

Come on, it's really good for you. I'll
show you how good it is. I'll taste it

for you.

I mean, you've seen appalling things.

Nothing ghastly shocks you.

So, would you explain why... The success
of the Ted and Georgette show.

Exactly. Now, they went on almost two
weeks, Lou, and, well, their ratings are

higher than ever.

Now, why do people watch that stuff,
Lou? It's so ordinary.

You've got the dumb...

Talent hunts. You got the beautiful baby
contest.

You know who the big guests were
yesterday?

A couple celebrating the third wedding
anniversary.

Where do they find those guests?

I mean, they're so dull.

The night watchman and the dry cleaners.

It's like they make dull a requirement
to get on the show. Go figure it out,

Murray. Who with any intelligence would
want to be on a show like that?

Hey, guys, guess what?

I'm going to be a guest on the Ted and
Georgette show next week.

We were just asking, where do Ted and
Georgette get their talent? And you just

strolled right on in. Oh, right at that
instant. Yeah, that very instant.

So, what are you going to do on the
show, Mary? I think they probably want

ask me some questions about producing a
new show.

Of course, they want a light touch, too.

So I thought of an opening joke.

You're going to tell an opening joke?
Yeah, yeah. And I want to try it out on

you because I don't want to use it
unless it's very funny.

Oh, okay.

Okay, so I thought I would say, um, I'm
very glad to be here tonight.

Of course, the way my cabbie drove, I'd
be glad to be anywhere.

Is it very funny?

I guess it is. I think it's funny. I
knew it was!

Hi, guys.

Hi. Can I have Elliot get anybody a cup
of coffee?

No, thank you. Cream and sugar.

I thought you drank it black.

Well, I do, but I'm training him to
handle a little more responsibility.

Well, enough chit -chat. I'm a busy man.
Mary, the baseball player has scheduled

for tonight's fill -out.

We want you to fill in for him.

Me?

Tonight? Well, you've got to be out next
week anyway. What's the difference?

But, Ted, it's so sudden. I mean, I
don't have time to prepare for it.

prepare?

It's an interview.

We ask you how the news is done, and you
tell us.

It's about time Ted found out anyhow.

If you're a pro, he can be ready at a
moment's notice.

Right? Right.

When I'm right, I'm right.

Well, Mary, what do you say? Time is
money.

Can you get yourself ready in a couple
of hours? No.

Yes, I guess.

All right, fine, fine. It's settled.

I've got to go. I've got to check those
sets.

Say goodbye for me. I don't have time.

Goodbye.

Hello, Mom.

Listen, I'm not going to be on the show
next week.

I'm going to be on tonight.

Okay, I'll talk to you afterwards.

Bye -bye.

George, yes, bye. Oh, I am so excited.
I'm going to be on the show tonight. I

mean, I'm not even sure I'll know what
to say, but I am really excited.

Me too, Mary. I'm thrilled to be there.

I never get to cook a meal. I never get
to do anything in my own house.

And I miss doing those things, Mary.

Maybe it's dumb.

No, Georgette, that's not dumb.

I never wanted to be a performer. I just
did it because Ted wanted me to.

Now the show's a hit and I can't get out
of it.

Of course you're not.

Does it make any sense at all?

Sure it does.

Damn right.

Georgette, why don't you just go to Ted
and tell him you don't want to do the

show anymore?

Because it means so much to him.

It would break his heart if he had to
give it up.

But Georgette, you've got to think of
yourself, too.

You can't go through life unhappy. I
mean, there's no point in being a

I guess you're right, Mary.

I have to talk to Ted.

But I want to find the right moment.

I think I'll wait till tonight when
we're alone together in bed, and then

tell him I don't want to anymore.

And when he finds out that I mean the
show, he'll be so relieved he'll agree

anything.

Thank you for your nice letter.

It's always nice to hear from a fan.

I can't honor your request for tickets.

But I am enclosing an autographed
picture.

And how shall I sign that?

Your loving son, Ted.

Five minutes, Ted.

Oh, hi, honey. How's Mary?

Oh, she's a little nervous, but she'll
be fine. Oh, sure she will.

Am I right? You're right.

But I'm right, I'm right.

We have such a bright future, Georgia.

Right, Ted.

Hey.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Yes, there is.

When a guy's married as long as I have,
he gets to spot those little clues.

Elliot's fine now. What's the matter?

Ted, you and I will talk about it when
we're alone.

We are alone.

Oh. Oh, okay. That's enough.

Thanks a lot.

I mean...

Let's face it, how can you improve on
God's handiwork?

Thank you, thank you.

Hey, what's bothering you?

You're still not alone, Ted.

Sorry, Elliot, would you like something?

Certainly, Mr. Bastard.

Anything you say?

Ted, I want to talk to you about this
show. I don't want to do it now, but I

think we should sit down and have a
serious talk afterward.

Why can't we talk about it now?

It's too close to air time.

So?

It might upset you.

Hey, you're talking to Ted Baxter, the
professional's professional.

I don't get upset by things.

Well, you might.

Nothing you could say to me could affect
my performance out there.

That's not true. Remember the time
Murray told you just before the news

Lassie was three different dogs and you
had to have ice pressed against the back

of your neck before you could go on?

Hey, Georgia, if there's something you
want to talk about, let's talk.

All right.

Ken, I don't want to do this show
anymore.

but I'm really not happy.

Oh, hey.

Oh, Georgette, that's out of the
question.

We're a big hit. We've got to do the
show, and that's all there's to it.

All right, Teddy, if that's what you
really want.

Hey.

You know, Teddy Bear doesn't like to see
his Georgette looking sad.

Come on now. Let me see your nice, big,
happy face.

There, that's better.

Mary, do you want me to sit in the
middle? Sit in the middle.

And don't worry, this will be fun.

How can you do this to me, Georgette?

Right in the middle of a successful
show. Okay, everybody.

are Ted and Georgette Baxter.

Hello, hello.

Hooray, hooray. I'm Ted. And I'm
Georgette. Don't touch that dial.

Don't go away. You ain't seen.

Nothing yet.

Why don't you tell everybody about
tonight's guest, honey?

Uh, Mary Richards, the producer of the 6
o 'clock news.

We'll be back with our guest right after
these messages.

Ted, I can't do it. I tried.

I gave it all I had, but I just can't do
it. I'm sorry for letting you down.

Hey, wait a minute. Georgette.

Georgette. Georgette.

Five seconds. Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

You know, I'm sure that any people who
are watching must be wondering why

I'm here alone.

And I know that people usually enjoy
behind -the -scenes stuff, and the

that I'm here alone is because Ted and
Georgette aren't here.

But I think that they'll be back
shortly, if there's a God in heaven.

I produce the 6 o 'clock news, and I'm
sure that they plan to ask me a lot of

questions.

How about that?

Like, how long have I been producing the
news?

Seven years.

Do I enjoy it?

Sure do.

Well, what exactly does a producer do?

Oh, boy, you name it.

Well, okay, okay. One of the things that
I do is setting the whole lineup for

the show, seeing...

You know, how many commercials we have
and when they come in the show. Like,

when's the next commercial in this show?

17 minutes?

It won't work, Ted.

Please, you can do this alone.

No, I can't. I checked.

He wants the both of us on the show.

What would it be like without you?

Hello, hello.

I'm Ted.

Don't touch that dial.

You ain't seen.

I need you, honey.

I'm sorry, Ted, but I can't help it.

Why does it just seem more important to
me to raise the children than to do this

show? I mean, what do you think? I
wouldn't want to change diapers and

floor. I mean, somebody's got to put on
makeup and sit in the spotlight.

Ted, one of us has got to make a big
sacrifice.

Oh, gee.

Why does it always have to be you?

And then there's that question that
everybody wants an answer to.

What do I do after I check the promo
log?

Well, I'd like to answer that question,
but I'm afraid I don't have any time.

I do have time.

Ted. I can't do it.

This is very important to you, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

All right.

All right, I'll give it up. I'll give it
up.

I'll give up the fame.

Give up the money.

But can I ask one thing of you in
return?

Sure.

Can I keep Elliot?

Some film to look at, and then I brown
bag it in the screening room.

Am I getting too technical?

Oh, it's time for a commercial already.

Okay, I'm sure Jed and Ted will be back
soon, so don't go away.

Back in 30 seconds. I can't. I just
can't. Keep doing what you're doing.

I can't do it. What's wrong, Miss Miss
Richards?

You have no idea how lonely it is up
there.

Yeah?

Try being a messenger boy for Howard
Hughes.

You were a messenger boy for Howard
Hughes?

Yeah, for three years.

Nobody ever let me talk.

All I did all day was listen, listen,
listen.

Elliot, come sit down. We're going to
give you a chance to talk.

Isn't it always the way just when you
give up hope?

Okay, guys, come on, let's move it.
Let's get those cameras rolling. We've

shot of TV.

Hello again.

My next guest is Elliot.

Elliot, what were you just telling me
your job was for three years?

Aaron, boy for Howard Hughes.

Then did you actually meet Mr. Hughes
and get to speak with him? Oh, yeah,

of times. Well, then I imagine you have
many stories to tell us about Mr.

Hughes' last years.

About a million or two, that's all.

Okay.

Why don't you just tell us some of the
things you used to do for him?

Well, one of the things I did was... I
used to make him snacks.

Yeah, one of his favorites was this very
special peach melba I used to make for

him. Yeah, it was a scoop of vanilla ice
cream on top of a plain pound cake with

fresh peaches with a little bit of
chocolate syrup.

Oh, he used to really love that.

I don't blame him. I'd love some myself.

All right, Miss Richards, I'll get you
one.