All language subtitles for mary_tyler_moore_s06e19_menage-a-lou

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell,
why don't you take it?

You'll go.

Fine. Water.

Lots of water.

Mr. Gray, what happened?

Charlene.

Charlene. The girl you used to go with.
The one who played piano in that

cocktail lounge? Yeah.

What happened?

Charlene. Bus.

She was hit by a bus?

On bus.

She was hit while on a bus?

Charlene. Sitting bus.

Right. Then what happened, Tonto?

I was... I was walking to work.

And I saw Charlene sitting on a bus.

But she didn't see me.

So I started chasing the bus.

Block after block.

I must have chased that bus for a dozen
blocks.

Well, I couldn't catch it. Oh, that's
really too bad.

That's all right. I didn't want to talk
to her.

So, Charlene's back in town. That's
terrific.

What do you mean you don't want to talk
to her?

Well, we sort of had a fight before she
left town.

Oh? Yeah.

She got this offer to play the organ for
a crummy ice show, and I didn't want

her to do it. Why not?

Well, I thought it was beneath her,
Mary. I really did.

It was really a bad show.

Every time the star of the show did a
spin, he got dizzy and had to sit down

the ice and put his head between his
knees.

Well, Mr. Grant, come on, you obviously
wanted to see her. Why didn't you give

her a call?

It would be kind of awkward with that
fight that we had.

Of course, it'd be a lot better if I
could just run into her.

Yeah, you know, a chance meeting?

Chance? Like where you chase a bus for
12 blocks?

Yeah, yeah.

Or maybe if I just bumped into her at a
party. That would be perfect.

If only there was someone we both knew
who was having a party.

And I just bumped into her.

Like at your place.

My place?

Yeah, like, for instance, Saturday
night.

This? Saturday night? Yeah, like around
8 .30.

Mr. Grant, that is awfully short notice.
I mean, it is Thursday.

But I suppose I could do it.

I'll just set up a buffet. People can
serve themselves.

I'll have a few hors d 'oeuvres and some
cold cuts. I don't know. I can probably

bake something.

Mary, this is an office. Plan your
parties on your own time.

views you could throw away.

at the hockey games once in a while.
He's very sweet.

He always offers me a slug from his
flask.

I gotta run.

See you later. Okay, listen, try to get
home early. Well, yeah, I have a feeling

tonight's party's going to be a pretty
good one.

Okay. Georgette, I told you I don't want
to talk about it. I do.

Tough. Well, double tough on you.

Why?

What's going on with you two?

I'm so embarrassed.

having our first fight.

Don't apologize.

You'll get better with practice.

It's her fault, Mary. She's overly
sensitive.

My mother said a little innocent thing
and she just took it the wrong way.

What did she say?

She said I was a hussy.

She did?

Yes, she did.

She said I trapped Ted into marrying me
by using my sexy ways.

Didn't I come to your defense?

Some defense. He told her I didn't have
any sexy ways.

I hate to say this about your mother,
but sometimes she's not very nice.

Georgette, you take that back or I'll
never talk to you again.

Sure, I'll take it back when the North
Pole freezes over me. I should have said

when hell freezes over, but I don't like
to swear in mixed company. Hey, yes,

yes. Come on.

There's no way to carry on at a party.

I'm sorry, Mary.

I'm never going to talk to Georgette
again.

Yeah, but you're dumping such a grump.
And talk to your wife? This is a party.

You're supposed to be having fun.

Murr, huh? I'm glad to see you. Don't
come near me. I'm sick.

I woke up this morning with the flu.

I got cramps, nausea, chills.

I really ought to be home in bed.

Then why aren't you?

I didn't want to spoil your party.

Come on in.

Can I get you a drink?

Oh, yeah.

Tea with honey and lemon.

And a couple of aspirins.

I ain't judged yet.

Oh, that's it.

Hi,

Mr. Grant.

Charlene here yet? No, not yet.

Well, what do you think, Mary? Notice
anything different?

Uh, different. Listen, well, I recognize
the suit and the shoes, the tie. No, I

don't see anything different.

Good. I don't want to look over
-anxious.

Like a drink? Yeah, the usual.

Hi, everybody.

What's with them? Well, let's see.
Murray is sick. He should be home in

Ted and Georgette have had a fight.
They're not talking to each other.

Get rid of them.

Get rid of them. They're dull. I can't
afford to have a dull party tonight.

Sure you can. Call up somebody else.
Don't you know any lively people?

Maybe you can rent some.

Just relax.

Everything is going to be fine.

Mary. Can I have my tea with a lemon?
Yeah, Murray, just a minute.

I want to watch television.

You don't do that at a party.

I wasn't talking to you.

There she is. Come on, you bozo. Shape
up, Ted. Don't be dull.

All right, stop being sick.

Hi, Mary. How are you? Good to see you.

Charlie, look at you.

Mary,

let me introduce you to Kenny Stevens.

I hope you don't mind my bringing a
date.

No, it's... How do you do?

No.

Mary, do me a favor.

Introduce Kenny.

Sure.

Kenny Stevens, this is Georgette and Ted
Baxter.

Good to see you again, Lou.

Yeah, who's the kid?

One of the skaters in the show.

What are you doing going out in public
with a kid that age? Don't you know the

people will talk about you?

Don't be... silly. Who's going to talk?

Me.

What difference does it make how old
anyone is?

He happens to be very sweet and
thoughtful and considerate.

Besides, I told him I was 32 and he
bought it.

He thinks you're 32?

Ice skaters don't have to be smart, Lou.

It's all in their feet.

Now, come on over and say hello. Come
on.

Kenny, I've been telling Lou all about
you.

Well, it's nice to meet you, sir.

Lou. The name's Lou, not sir.

Right. Lou.

Mr. Grant, Kenny was just telling me
that before he became a professional

skater, he won a medal in the Olympics.

Well, it was just a silver medal.

I should have won the gold, but I had a
torn ligament. Oh, Mary, you must come

and see him skate sometime. He is
incredible.

Well, it wouldn't look great with the
kind of music she plays.

Gee.

I've never met a figure skater before.
This is really exciting.

You guys make such a valuable
contribution to society.

Why, just this morning, I was asking
myself, how come they've never given a

Nobel Prize to a figure skater?

Uh, Mr. Gant, would you like it fresh in
your drink? No.

Kenny, can I get you something? Why
don't you get some ice for Kenny to

around on?

bring me a blanket. I'm starting to get
a chill.

Yeah, Mary, in a minute.

Just a minute.

It must be great being an ice skater.

What do you want to do when you grow up?

Mr. Vance, I guess you're coming over
later. My friend Paula, the nurse. How

soon could she get here?

Mary, will you tell me when it's nine o
'clock? I want to watch SWAT.

Maybe Kenny would like to watch Sesame
Street.

Hey, pal, I don't know what's bugging
you, but by any chance, would you like

step outside?

What? Put on the skates?

Mary, I think I better have my coat.

Oh, well, no. Come on. This is... Get a
coat, Mary.

Lou, what did you have to make a scene
for?

Well, see, I never laid a hand on him.

It was, uh, nice to... seeing you again.
You must do this again sometime.

So long, everybody.

I'll call you, Mary. Okay.

Listen, I'm really sorry about the
evening.

Oh, let him go. Who needs him?

You've still got us.

Oh, what a perfect evening.

Ted and Georgette sit there for hours,
not talking to each other. Murray

sick, blows his nose all night.

And you had to ruin what little promise
we had of a party by making a fool of

yourself over Charlene's date.

I just, I hope you're satisfied, Lou.

What did you say? You heard me. I hope
you're satisfied.

You call me Lou.

That's right, because that's what you
deserve to be called.

In fact, you don't even deserve to be
called Lou. You know what you should be

called? What?

Louis.

That's what you should be called, is
loose.

That's what my mother used to call me
when I was bad.

Well, I don't blame her.

I'm sorry, Mary. I made a fool of
myself.

You certainly did.

Okay, okay.

Hello? Hello?

Charlene? Lou, listen, I'm sorry about
tonight. I don't know what got into me.

When you walked in with that guy, I went
crazy.

Listen, apologize to the skater for me,
too, huh?

No hard feelings?

Hi, Mary.

Oh, Paula, hi.

Party's over, but come on in anyway. Fix
yourself a drink.

How about we go out for dinner Saturday,
huh?

Oh, you do?

I guess in that case... What?

You mean... You mean double date?

Oh, no, I couldn't do... Yeah.

Yeah, I think we could do that. Yeah,
well, why not?

Oh, sure, sure. I think it's a terrific
idea. I was just trying to figure out

which one of my girlfriends to bring.

Okay, bye -bye.

Mary, get me a date.

No, no, Mr. Grant. I did that once and
you never forgave me.

Right.

I'm going to get a girl to go out with.

Hey, Paula.

Yeah, Lou?

Can you get me a date?

Mr. Grant, why don't you... Paula?

Uh, listen, um, how would, uh, how would
you like a free meal?

You sweet -talking son of a gun.

Sure, why not?

Now, listen, just one thing. There's
gonna be a girl there that I used to go

with, and I really want to impress her.

I want you to look really beautiful.

Beautiful is out of the question. If I'm
lucky, twice a year I can manage

pretty.

Try and make it one of those nights.

When is it? A week from tonight.

I better start now.

Mary, I'm going to ask you a question. I
want you to give me an honest answer.

Is this any way to dress on a date where
I'm trying to impress someone?

Well, Mr.

Grant, that depends. I think what Paul
is wearing is very nice.

Mary, I don't want nice.

I want sexy.

Do you have anything I could borrow,
Mary?

Well, yeah, sure, if you want to. Take
what you want.

Thanks. If you ever need to borrow a
pair of white pantyhose, don't hesitate.

Mr. Grant, how could you?

That girl has feelings. You can't treat
her like this.

What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about.

Paula was nice enough to go along with
you on this stunt. I don't think it's

right for you to criticize the way she
dresses.

I was not criticizing, Mary.

I was merely suggesting.

that Paula might look a little more
attractive if she wore something other

a sweater and a skirt.

Believe me, Mary, I am fully aware of
the fact that Paula has feelings.

Last thing in the world I do is say
something I thought might offend her.

Well?

Stinks.

It's okay. I like a man who's
discriminating.

This is ridiculous, Mr. Grant, trying to
make Charlene jealous.

Oh, you think so? Yes, I do. It's
asinine. It's moronic. It's dumb.

Hmm? Something Ted would do.

There's no need to be insulting.

She's not going to fall for it, Mr.
Grant. Charlene's going to see right

this. It's high school.

High school.

Oh, yeah?

It's high school, is it?

Well, why didn't you say that to
Charlene when she showed up at your

her boyfriend? That was different.

And she wasn't doing it to make you
jealous. Well, it did, and now I want

to make her jealous.

You want me to make her jealous?

That's right.

I better change again.

Oh, come on, Mary. Paul's going to have
a great time. I guarantee it. We're

going to a terrific restaurant, dining,
dancing.

Hey, listen to what I'm going to do.

I'm going to get the band to play
Charlene's favorite song, You Made Me

You. Then when they do, I'll say, Hey,
how about that?

We're playing our song.

Then I'll get up and dance with Paula.

That's terrific.

We'll dance by the table when I'm sure
Charlene is watching.

I'll bite Paula on the ear. Oh, good,
good.

I thought you'd like it. Okay, listen,
I'm coming out.

This is your last chance, Lou.

I'm wearing Mary's best dress.

I know it's the best dress because the
price tag is still on it.

My new dress.

You better be good.

You look sensational.

Wow.

Really great.

Come on, let's go. Thanks, Mary. Thanks,
Mary. Have a good time.

You mean it, Lou? I look okay?

Okay? You look beautiful. Just
beautiful.

Thanks. Charlene's gonna hate your guts.

It's Charlene McGuire and Kenny Stevens.

Hi, Paula. Hello, Paula. My pleasure.

Shall we sit down, dear?

Listen, I'm sorry about the other night.

Forget it, Lou.

Charlene explained the whole thing.

Paula, that is a very lovely dress.

Thanks. Lou helped me pick it out.

I, uh, hope we didn't keep you folks
waiting too long.

I picked Paula up at her apartment and,
uh... You know how it is. One thing led

to another, and I guess we lost all
track of time.

Oh, sure, I understand.

I love the style. It is very striking.

Where'd you get it?

Oh, that. Oh, that. I love the neckline.
You know, the way it sort of drapes

down, and it's just a... Yeah, well,
let's have a drink. Let's everybody have

drink. Waiter.

order some drinks.

What would you like?

I'll have white wine.

Vodka martini, please. How about you,
darling?

A bottle of beer.

Scotch on the rocks.

Thank you.

That was a nice restaurant.

Paul and I don't get out too often.

I mean, we make plans, but...

Then I pick her up, and as we're
leaving, I reach for the doorknob, and

touches mine.

And, you know, one thing leads to
another, and, well, you know, we end up

snacking in front of the fireplace.

That's nice.

You know, I had a dress almost like
that, except mine was in sort of a...

green, but the cleaners ruined it. Will
you stop talking about the stupid

cleaners and the stupid dress?

Well, what are you getting so upset
about?

Upset? Oh, me? I'm not upset.

I'm having a great time.

Sweetheart, would you like to dance?

Sure. Good. Kenny, dance with her.

Yes, sir.

Look.

She's like a very nice girl. She's a
wonderful girl.

But I only brought her here for one
reason a night, and you know it.

Well, what are you talking about?

I brought her here to make you miserable
and jealous. I think it's a terrible

thing you're doing, not being jealous
and miserable.

I think it's lousy. I think it stinks.

I think it's sweet.

Sweet?

I think it's sweet that you want to make
me jealous.

It means you still must care about me,
huh?

Of course.

If I didn't, why would I want to make
you miserable?

But if you still care, why couldn't you
pick up a phone and call me, and then I

wouldn't have to go out with somebody
like Kenny?

What's wrong with Kenny?

He's a kid.

Oh. And he's an ice skater.

Hmm. You know how I can't stand cold
feet.

Yeah.

I remember.

Hey, listen to what they're playing.

I know. I gave the leader ten bucks to
play it.

And then I was going to say, listen,
they're playing our song.

And I was going to get up and dance with
Paula.

Dumb idea.

It's a shame to waste $10.

Would you care to dance, Lou?

You bet.

Can't he dance with him?

dropped Paul off.

Thought I'd say hello. I'm not
disturbing you, am I? No, no. Come on

Go. Time to go.

You mean with my plan? The one that you
thought was high school? That was what

you called it, Waterbury High School?
Yes, Mr. Grant. That's what I called it.

Guess who's big man on campus?

You're kidding.

You and Charlene?

That's terrific.

Yeah. Yeah, really great.

There's only one problem.

What? I like Paula, too.

Paula? Yeah, yeah. After we left
Charlene and Kenny, we went for a drink,

Paula's sensational.

She likes hockey, basketball, football,
boxing.

She's a real woman.

Well, that's terrific, Mr. Grant, but I
don't see what your problem is. I mean,

what's wrong with your liking Charlene
and Paula?

Well, I can't have two girlfriends at
the same time.

Why not?

Oh. Because I can't.

I never did.

I'm just old -fashioned. I mean, I
couldn't do that sort of thing.

Could I?

No, no, not me.

I'm a one -woman man. I wouldn't know
how to handle that sort of thing.

Would I?

I mean, I've never had any... experience
at that sort of thing.

Well, Mr. Grant, even Warren Beatty had
to start somewhere.

Yeah.

You know, I think this is going to work
out great.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll see Charlene on Mondays,
Wednesdays, and Fridays.

And I'll see Paula on Tuesdays,
Thursdays, and Saturdays.

There's one more thing I want to ask
you. What? What do I do Sundays?

Mary, I've got to talk to you. I've got
a terrible problem.

I don't know how it happened. I got all
mixed up. I have a date with two girls

on the same night. Charlene and Paula
both think I'm taking them to dinner

later. You've got to help me.

You're on your own, Lewis.

Oh, Lewis.

Hi, Lewis.

How are you feeling, Lewis?

A couple of things.

Lewis.

Lewis.

What's so funny, Ted?

Oh, nothing, Mr. Grant.