All language subtitles for mary_tyler_moore_s05e15_an_affair_to_forget

No need to waste it. You can never tell.
Why don't you take

it? You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after.

This is important. Sit down.

You'll like this.

Now, you've been here, what is it, five
years now?

Yes. And during that time, you've worked
enormously hard. You've done a

fantastic job.

Oh, well, thank you, Mr. Grant, but I
wouldn't say that.

You wouldn't? Well, let's forget the
whole thing. Okay, all right.

I would say that.

Mary, there's only one way to tell you
this, and that's to tell you straight

out.

I've decided to promote you to producer
of the WJM 6 o 'clock news.

Oh, Mr. Grant.

Oh, well, that's... I... I just don't
know what to say.

Really? I thought you put it very well.

But, I mean, it's just so incredible. I
mean, because, you know, of course, I

always dreamed that one day I would be a
producer, but that you would actually,

at this point, you know, make me your co
-producer.

co -producer. I'm making you the
producer.

Well, what about you?

I'm making myself executive producer.

That's great.

But what made you suddenly decide to
make me the producer?

Well, I just thought a promotion was
long overdue. Oh, thank you, Mr. Grant.

Not yours, mine.

that as producer I'd have a lot more
responsibilities, you know, a lot more

things to do.

No, no, no, no.

Whatever you used to do as associate
producer, you'll do now as producer.

Oh, I see, I see, I see.

Naturally, there will be certain
financial benefits.

Oh?

Starting next month, you're going to get
a raise of $1 ,000 a year.

Oh, that's great!

Uh, Mr. Grant, that's, uh, what, uh,
20...

Dollars a week, isn't it? I thought I
was going to get a raise of $20 a week

anyway.

Well, now you're going to get it for
sure.

Well, thank you.

Mr. Gale, let me just see if I'm getting
this tonight.

I'm going to be the producer, but I'm
going to have the same responsibilities,

the same job, the same no office, and
I'll be doing the very same things I

been doing.

Right.

I just hope I can handle it.

Mary?

Hi, Ted. I got here just as soon as I
could. Sit down. What's wrong?

Care for a drink?

No, no, thank you. You said it was
important that you had to see me right

Well, let's, uh, let's order first, then
we'll talk.

Uh... Yeah.

the veal cordon bleu with the house
salad.

Mary, whatever you like. Don't worry
about the price.

I'll have the lamb chops.

She'll have the $8 .95.

Now, Ted, will you tell me what it is?

What what is?

Why did you call me and ask me to meet
you here? I mean, you made it sound like

some kind of an emergency.

Have some wine, Mary.

No, thank you, Ted.

We'll need it for the toast.

What toast?

Mary, to our first date.

What?

Our first date.

To us, Mary, and to many more wonderful
evenings like this.

Ted, is this your first bottle of wine?

Mary, you and I have worked together in
that office for five years.

I'm an attractive man, you're a
reasonably attractive woman.

You can't deny you haven't had thoughts
about me. Oh, yes, Ted, I have had

thoughts.

I know you probably figured me being who
I am and you being who you were that I

was too far above you.

Now that you're a producer, it's a hole
in a ballgame.

Well, Ted, I'm very, very flattered,
but, uh, and this is a big but.

I don't want to date you.

Well, I'll tell you what.

Well, do it on the sly.

Even in the newsroom, it'll be our
secret.

Oh, naturally, there'll be those
meaningful glances across the desk.

Those furtive longings.

Those private jokes that only lovers
understand.

Oh, Ted, please stop.

Let's get something clear right now. I
don't want you to think of us that way.

Who am I supposed to think of us? Think
of us as brother and sister.

Brother and sister, huh?

I've always wanted a kid sister. Someone
to help me meet a lot of chicks.

Ted, I can't... help you meet a lot of
chicks. Then you can't be my sister.

Well, thank you for dinner, Ted. It was
a lovely, lovely evening.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

Did you enjoy the lamb chops?

Yes, very much, very much.

Well, I've got an early date.

Well,

good night, Mary.

in my living room.

There is now.

I'll have mine black, Mary. There's no
coffee.

Well, tea will be fine. There's no tea.

Oh, just a glass of water. There's no
water.

Mary, are you trying to get rid of me?

Look, Dan, it's just that I'm tired and
I've got a big day tomorrow.

Okay, sure, say no more. I'm on my way.
See you tomorrow.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Don't you want me to kiss you goodnight?

No.

I understand you're afraid of losing
control of yourself.

I'm afraid of myself.

You're already losing control.

Ed, I just don't want to kiss you
goodnight, all right?

Well, if that's the way you feel, why
did you go out with me in the first

I respect you too much to wrestle with
you.

Thank you.

After all, you don't have to give me a
goodnight kiss just because I bought you

a $32 dinner.

So forget the goodnight kiss.

After all, what's a goodnight kiss?

Just a small token of friendship.

Just the way one person has it.

Saying to another person, I like you,
person.

a simple, innocent kiss goodnight. But
that's all right.

Ted, if I kiss you goodnight, will you
go home?

can resist Ted Baxter.

Hi, guys.

Hey, where you been all day? We go on
the air in 20 minutes.

I told you, Lou, I was guest speaker at
a veterans group luncheon.

Oh, yeah.

How'd it go?

Great. They were sitting on the edge of
their seats.

Probably because of their old war
wounds.

Where is, uh, Mary?

Oh, she's in editing.

Oh. I'll just leave these candies on her
desk.

Maybe I ought to write her a note.

Dear Mary, I'll always remember last
night.

Love, Ted.

Oh, last night.

Was there ever a night like last night?

Ted, what happened last night?

I don't think it's any of your business,
Lou.

However,

since you brought the subject up, it
just so happens that Mary and I had a

last night.

Ted, have you been putting anything
funny up your nose?

I want to level with you guys.

I've had my eye on her since the first
time I saw her.

And yesterday when I realized you've
been here five years and I haven't

made my move yet, well, I said to
myself, if you're ever going to make a

now's the time to make it.

Otherwise, before you know it, another
five years will go by and she'll be too

old for me.

Well, uh, what did you and Mary do on
this date you had?

Well, we had an intimate dinner at the
Chez Antoine, then we went back to her

place for coffee.

You went back to her place for coffee?

Well, we went back to her place for a
week.

Didn't have coffee.

If you know what I mean.

Mary and Ted.

It's impossible.

Joey Hetherton amounts a ton.

Who brought me the candy? Oh, Ted left
that

and the notes.

Ted.

Honestly, sometimes I don't believe that
man.

Right. You wouldn't believe the... a
story he just came in here with.

What story?

Ah, some crazy story about you and him
going out on a date last night.

Ted said that he and I had a date.

There was no date. No date. All it
was... Mary, you don't have to say a

know Ted.

Yeah, Ted's always bragging about
something, and today it's you, so don't

about it. Right, believe us. We didn't
give it a second thought.

Oh, hi, Mary.

Say, listen, did I by any chance lose a
cuff link in your apartment last night?

Yeah, you did, Ted. I found it in the
couch this morning.

hand with this coupling. It's kind of
tricky.

Just make sure that Porky Pig is facing
out.

Oh, excuse us, guys.

Look, Ted, I'm not quite sure how to put
this.

Oh, you mean about the candies? Listen,
nothing's too good for Ted Baxter's

woman. Ted, I am not your woman.

That's right, Mary. Play hard to get. I
love to throw the chase.

Ted, there is no chase. There's no
thrill. No chase, no thrill.

I don't want you going around giving
people the impression that anything did.

Say no more.

I'm going to zip up my lips and lock the
zipper and hide the key.

something I'm not supposed to know?

Oh, Ann, um, let me get something clear.

Oh, Mary, you don't have to. The blush
in your cheek speaks for itself.

Isn't it wonderful that two people who
for five years have shared nothing but a

business -like respect and admiration
for one another, between whom no word of

love has ever passed, should one day one
day awake and discover they have the

hots for each other.

All right, everybody, I'd like to say
something.

I don't know what Ted told you happened
last night, but I would like to get it

straight, just so there's no
misunderstanding.

Not that it matters one way or the
other, but just for the record, Ted

and I did not go out on a date last
night.

True, we did have dinner together in a
restaurant, and true, he did bring me

back to my apartment, did in fact come
inside the apartment, and true, I did

kiss him goodnight, but there was no
date.

Right? Oh, sure.

Good.

Who said there was a date? I mean, why
should we think there was a date? Look,

Murray, if I were going out with Ted, I
would admit it, wouldn't I?

Murray, you will come to my office
first.

I'm going to tell you a little story.

When I was in the Army, I had the bunk
under this guy. He used to get these

great packages of food from home.

One week, he got this giant salami.

And the next day, everybody in the
barracks went out on this hike except

had the flu.

Anyway, when this guy got back to the
barracks, he found that his salami

was missing.

Now, he never accused me or anything,
but I could see it in his eyes every

he looked at me.

He figured that I was the one who stole
his salami.

Finally, one day, I couldn't take it
anymore.

And I went up to him and I said,
Bernstein?

Tell me the truth.

Do you think I took your salami?

Do you really think I'm a salami thief?

And he said, yeah.

So I punched him in the nose.

You see my point, Mary?

Neither did Bernstein.

which, of course, convinced him that I
was the one who stole his.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, you
can't let yourself worry about what

people think about you, or you'll go
crazy.

Look, you know what happened between Ted
and you. Nothing happened between Ted

and me. All right, you know what didn't
happen between you and me. I would like

to know that everyone else knows that
nothing happened. The point is, who

what anybody else knows or thinks they
know?

that you write for us. Thank you.

Hey, Mr. Grant, did they ever find out
who stole Bernstein's salami?

I did.

Hiya. Hi, Mary. Come on in.

I'm sorry to bother you. No, you're not
bothering me. I have to go out tonight

for the journalism class.

You want to see me about something in
particular?

Yes.

You want to tell me what it is?

Yes.

Does it by any chance have something to
do with Ted?

Yes.

Has somebody been telling you things
about Ted and me?

Yes.

That's what you wanted to talk to me
about. Yes.

Oh, wow, I'm glad I got that off my
chest.

Georgette, I am not interested in Ted.

How could I possibly be interested in
Ted?

I mean, how could anybody?

Georgette, what I'm trying to say is
that if I worshipped Ted, I wouldn't get

involved with somebody you care about.

Oh, Mary, I'm so glad to hear that.

Well...

Listen, I gotta get to that class.
There's coffee on the stove if you want

Oh, thanks.

I've gotta go home.

Bye -bye. Bye.

Georgia, could you answer that for me?
Sure.

Oh, hi, Georgia.

I brought you some flowers.

It's all right, Ted. Don't try to
pretend. I can see how it is.

And, Ted, maybe I'm just a fool, but I
want you to know if it doesn't work out,

I'll take you back.

Well, that sounds fair.

Joe Jan, who was that?

Ted. Hi, Mayor.

What are you doing here?

Three guesses.

Before things get really crazy, I want
you to explain to me why you are doing

this. I mean, why are you doing this all
of a sudden?

And why are you doing it to me?

I got you, Mary.

Why this? Why now? Why you?

Yes, will you please tell me? Why not?

Mary, you don't know much about me, do
you?

I mean, probably just what you read in
my bio.

haven't read your bio.

You know nothing about me.

So, Mary, you're not going to tell me
about Fresno, are you?

I'm not going to tell you about Fresno,
where it all started in the 5 ,000 -watt

radio station.

No, Mary, I'm going to tell you about me
and women, things I've never ever told

a human being before.

The only reason I'm telling you is that
I'm hoping deep in my heart that after

you hear all this, you'll be a pushover.

No, no.

Mary, all my life, there's been a
certain kind of woman that's

never been interested in me.

Classy, you know what I mean?

Uptown, she -she, ritzy, chic.

Dad, I'm not that kind of woman.

Well, I know, Mary, but you're as close
as I'll ever get.

I know.

And Georgia, it's really better for me
than you are.

Just once, I'd like to prove that I can
get the kind of girl like you.

But, Ted, you didn't get me.

But nobody else knows that.

Good morning, everybody.

I just want to tell you, don't make any
plans for this afternoon.

I am taping a very special show, and
you're all invited.

It's called Soul Food for the
Adventurous Wasp.

All right.

Okay, that does it. I've got to say
something.

I don't know what I'm going to say, but
I've got to say something.

What's wrong?

This whole crazy thing with Ted has just
gotten out of hand. Now everybody in

the building thinks I'm easy pickings.

Ridiculous, Mary.

Oh, really?

Tony at the newsstand, who for five
years has been saying, Good morning,

Richards. Today he greeted me with,
How's tricks, cookie?

And just now, Ollie, the elevator man,
stopped the car between floors, leered

me, and said he was out of gas.

Oh, what's the big deal? Ollie has to be
at least 85 years old.

No wonder he's out of gas.

care what people think but i do i can't
help it that's the way i am i wash my

hair before i go to the hairdresser
somebody's stomach rumbles i'm terrified

that people will think it's mine once i
went into a bookstore to buy a copy of

what you always wanted to know about sex
but were afraid to ask i was afraid to

ask for the book so you can see why it's
very important for me to know that you

all believe me about ted

here trying to get you to believe me,
the less you do believe me.

Mary, we believe you.

How can you believe me? If I were
listening to me talk like this, I

believe me.

Mary, you've got to calm down. Well, I
can't.

Mary, you want to come in my office? No,
Mr. Grant, the Bernstein story won't do

it.

I never did understand it.

Look, I'm really sorry.

I just, I thought I could maybe clear
things up, and I don't even know what

talking about anymore, and I'm...

I'm very sorry, so let's just forget it
and we'll go back to work.

Hold it.

Everybody stay where they are.

Now, now hear this.

For the past couple of days, I've been
saying things allegedly there's

between Mary and me. Well, I lied.

In the first place, she didn't propose
to me.

In the second place, she never offered
to take me to Hawaii.

And in the third place, there are no
fingernail scratches down my back.

They're all lies. I made them all up.

To sum it up, I am not now nor have I
ever been Mary Richards' lover.

Okay, Mary?

I realize that was very hard for you to
do, Ted.

Well, nobody's going to mess around with
my little sister.

And if anybody ever gives you any
trouble, you just come straight to yours

truly, okay? I mean anybody.

Even me.

And so you see, Chuckles, no matter what
you heard, nothing happened between

Mary and me.

And I want to apologize if I said
anything to give you the wrong

All right, okay, I'll see you.

Four down and 53 to go.