All language subtitles for mary_tyler_moore_s04e05_hi_there_sports_fans

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell,
why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

five boxes of paper clips.

Oh, and listen, um, you don't by any
chance have tweezers down there, do you?

No, I didn't think so.

Okay, bye -bye.

Tweezers? Yeah, I know. Ted asked me if
I could get him some tweezers. Can you

imagine why?

Sure.

I went down to his dressing room last
night and saw him trying to pick the

of the Rip Van Winkle Motel out of a
bath towel.

to talk to Mr. Grant about it.

Come in.

Mr. Grant, could I talk to you for a
minute?

Sure. Mr. Grant, I have been working
here for three years now.

Mary, before you go on... No, Mr. Grant,
I'm not here to ask for another raise.

Oh, go on.

working here for three years and doing
every little piddly job from ordering

paperclips to tweezers, I think I am
ready for a little more responsibility.

Something challenging. Something
difficult.

You do, huh? Yes, I do. And I think if
you did that for me, it would take some

of the load off your shoulders.

You're right. Thank you, Mr. Grant.

You know, I wasn't really sure I could
handle this when I came in here.

I think it was probably the tweezers
that finally made up my mind. Anyway, I

think it's probably good for me to stand
up for what I believe in. But you know

me, cautious Mary.

Anyway, when I came in, I wasn't sure
how I'd react. And then a thought

to me. Well, you know, Mr. Grant, he'll
understand.

Mary,

you did good.

I did? Yeah.

The asking for responsibility part. Very
good.

Very good.

But this part, this instant replay part,
this part stinks.

I suppose you'll want a few days to
think it over.

No, I've got some responsibility for you
right now. Two things, as a matter of

fact. You do? Oh, that's great.

Great. First thing, I want you to hire a
new sportscaster.

Ah, Mr. Grant, thank you. That's
wonderful.

But I didn't know that Ed is leaving.

Neither does he.

That's the second thing you do.

Fire Ed.

No, I've never fired anybody in my life.

I met a cleaning lady once I couldn't
fire, so I moved.

Listen, when you're an executive, you
handle the bad jobs as well as the good.

Why are we firing Ed, anyway?

Well, the thing... At the last company
party, Ed made a pass at the station

manager's wife.

Oh, Mr.

Granger, that has to happen a lot. You
know, company parties. Somebody has one

drink too many.

This was a completed pass.

Ed,

I still don't feel right about having
this lunch. I mean, I really just wanted

to have a talk with you. Kid, it's okay.
I know you weren't fishing for a lunch

invitation, but we both had to eat
anyway, didn't we? Huh?

You want a drink first, Mr.

Cavanaugh? Uh, yeah, the usual.

I'll have a Bloody Mary.

Here.

We used to date. She's a little jealous.

So, here we are.

Ed, this isn't easy for me.

Hey, hey, this kind of thing never is. I
can take it. You know, it's funny, all

this time I thought you'd been avoiding
me.

Um, Ed, um, I want to explain.

Mary, Mary, there are some things that
don't need explaining.

Oh, well, this one does.

Mary, look, you shouldn't realize with a
girl like you, you can't hit a home run

first time at bat, right?

And I think we ought to discuss why I
called you.

Drink up, sweetie, and don't lend him
any money.

Hey, here's to us.

The best is yet to come.

Ed, you're making this so difficult for
me. No, you just drink regular like our

arms weren't frozen.

No, you don't understand.

Hey, hey, believe me, I understand.

Why don't you just let me take it from
here on in?

Ed, you're fired.

You're not my boss. Lou's my boss.

Right. So how can you fire me?

He told me I could.

Well, that really steams me.

You come down here and you throw
yourself at me and then you fire me?

Listen, I'll tell you, no broad is going
to fire Ed Cavanaugh. How about that?

Well, Ed, you're fired.

Oh, sorry.

Not that sorry.

Mary, don't you think you should know a
little something about sports? To hire a

sportscaster? I know, sports. Hey, will
you watch it?

I know who won the World Series in 1942.

Who? Cards over the Yanks in five games.

No kidding.

How'd you know that? I was on the late
show the other night, a war movie.

You had to know that to get back through
the lines.

Hey, listen, another qualification you
have. You were a cheerleader.

Well, Rhoda, I don't think Mr. Grant
gave me the job because I was a

cheerleader. Mayor, what was it like
being a cheerleader?

What do you mean, what was it like?

Now, tell me truthfully, when they
formed the human pyramid, you were the

the top, right?

Well, yeah, but, you know, the head
cheerleader was always the one that was

the top. Head cheerleader?

Mary!

duties of the head cheerleader. Rhoda, I
do have all this work to do here. No,

really, tell me, I mean, did everybody
know you were the head cheerleader? Did

you wear a significant sweater? You
know, something like that? No, Rhoda, I

the same sweater as everybody else. It's
just that the head cheerleader got

to... Look, Rhoda, I gotta get this
done.

Please, you're the only person I know
who actually lived my fantasy.

They gotta tell me, what did the head
cheerleader do?

Well, after every touchdown, the head
cheerleader got to...

Shoot off this little cannon.

Gee,

in my school in the Bronx, anybody shot
off a little cannon, everybody would be

up against the wall with their hands up.

Listen, do a cheer for me. No.

Please, Mary, do one for me. Come on.
How'd I? I'll leave if you do. Please,

just one. We're just the two of us. All
right, then you'll leave me alone? Yes,

I promise. Okay, let's see.

Yo -yo, ski -dot and watten.

Yo -yo, ski -dot and watten.

Beat -em, beat -em, watten -dotten. rah
-rah -rah -rah team.

Wow, you did that in front of crowds at
the games. Yeah. With gestures and pom

-poms. How humiliating for you.

It'll widen my horizons, make me sort of
a renaissance man.

That's right.

Ted Baxter, anchorman, sportscaster,
cheese of the month club member.

Ted, remember, this is just temporary.
It's only until I hire a regular

sportscaster. I wouldn't be too sure
about that, Mary.

I think you'll be...

You think so?

He said, Coily, high atop his three
-inch wedgies.

They're not wedgies. They're
conquistador boots.

You like them, ma 'am?

Oh, they're nice.

Thanks.

Say, aren't your heels a little higher
than usual?

Yeah, ma 'am. You got a lot of nerve
wearing your high heels the same day

wearing yours.

Well, I thought it would help the
sportscasting thing if I looked a little

lankier.

Ted, you're really taking this
sportscasting thing seriously, aren't

Oh, sure. I think the normal comparisons
will be made. Jim McKay, Red Barber,

Dizzy Dean.

Daffy Duck.

Didn't I used to be as tall as you?

Well, you got me, Lou. I never noticed
those things.

Lou, just so you don't think you're
shrinking, Ted is wearing his

boots.

Basically, too.

Better get to the studio.

I want to see you in my office.

Sure.

Close the door.

Mary, I'd like to give you a little
course on the basics of good

all right?

All right.

Rule number one.

You never fire your...

until you've hired your new
sportscaster, because that leaves a hole

organization.

We've got a hole in our organization,
Mary.

You want to know what his name is?

Tonight in the news, hot war threatens
in the Mideast, Hurricane Emily is on

rampage, and new flare -ups in Southeast
Asia. More about these headlines in a

moment. First news from the world of
sports.

out to deliver the sports.

Well, our regular sportscaster, Ed
Cavanaugh, is no longer with us.

There comes a time when we all must move
on, and for Ed, that time came

yesterday.

Tonight, yours truly will pick up the
fallen gauntlet and act as sportscaster

well as anchorman in all the sports.

Hi there, sports fans.

It's halftime at the Monday night game
of the week.

Green Bay 7, New York Giants 7.

But I understand the game is much closer
than the score indicates.

We'll be back with more of the world of
sports, but first, back to Ted.

Mary? I know, I know, a sportscaster.
Quick.

WLRT. TV in Newark? Right.

And in addition to my other duties, I
had a half -hour show of my own once a

week. Oh, that's terrific.

May I ask why you left your last
position?

They fired me and hired a jock.

A what?

A jock, an ex -athlete. That's what's
happening in the business today, you

Everybody wants to hire a jock.

Guys like Don Meredith, Frank Gifford,
Maury Wills, Sandy Koufax, Don Drysdale,

Tony Kubik. I see.

Pee Wee Reese, Jerry Coleman, Phil
Rizzuto, Ed Summerall.

Mr. Morton. Gail Spears.

Well, Hank, thank you so much for coming
in. I do have your number. Now, look, I

can deliver for you. And I'm sure you
would.

You got my tape? Yes, I have, right
there on the desk.

You do want to hire a jock, don't you?

Now, I can tell. I can see it in your
face. Hank, I promise you, I haven't

decided yet. Say, Mary, I set up a
meeting for you with Phil Berenson.

guy. He used to play linebacker for the
Vikings.

I knew it.

Everywhere I go, it's the same thing.

Why do they keep trying to take away my
job? Guys like Bill Russell, Jack

Twyman, Rayford Johnson, Gussie Moran.

What was all that about?

Jocks.

Oh. Listen, about Phil Berenson.

It's your decision. The fact that I
think Phil's terrific, or that he's a

friend of mine, shouldn't overly
influence you. Thank you, Mr. Grant.

Or underly, either.

One more question.

Yes. Did you validate?

Sorry.

Bet you'd validate if I was a jock.

Any calls about Ted's little sports
stint last night?

Oh, yes.

Calls. Telegrams. Oh, you're kidding.

Do you remember Ted's little Ed's gone
away speech?

He made it sound like Ed died. These are
all telegrams of sympathy.

So, how's it going?

Did you find your sportscaster yet? No.
Oh.

You can't believe what a day I've had.
Mr.

Grant is pressuring me to hire a friend
of his.

I've gotten a resume from the elevator
operator and two mailroom boys.

I mean, I can't even walk down the hall
without somebody begging me to hire

them. It's just incredible.

I know.

That's why I'm not bothering you.

That's why I haven't even mentioned the
fact that I have an audition tape.

Hey, Murray, I'd be glad to listen to
it.

I'd love it if it worked out. Oh,
thanks, Matt. But look, I want to tell

few things about it first.

Oh, no, it's not any good.

Look, I got the scores wrong.

I coughed once or twice in the middle.

My voice kept fading in and out.

I kept running out of breath. I hiccuped
and sneezed. But see what you think.

Everything is yesterday. I have been up
all night long listening to these tapes.

Gee, looks like somebody tapped the
phones of the King family.

Did you pick anybody yet? No, no, but I
have narrowed it down to two.

Yeah, Mary, wouldn't it be wonderful if
guys actually looked like they're 8x10

glossies?

Ted does.

Ted is an 8x10 glossie.

Look at this, Mary. He looks good.

That's Phil Behrens.

Gee, I didn't recognize him since his
face healed.

He is Mr.

Grant's candidate. If I picked him, I
would make life so simple for myself.

But I want to do it my own way.

Boy, Rody, it's such a weird feeling,
you know, knowing that every time you

no, not him, you could be changing a
man's whole life.

Yeah, I feel that way with guys. Every
time I say yes.

It's Andy Rivers.

I've made my decision. It's Andy Rivers.

Or Andy Rivers, and now I know it's Andy
Rivers!

Or Herm Bernard.

Mary, are you finishing the fourth copy?
Oh, yeah, it's somewhere in that pile.

I just want to go over to Andy's copy.

Hurry, I can't find it.

Now, look, there's nothing to be nervous
about. Mary, you made the right choice.

He's going to do just fine. Do you think
so?

Yes. Do you really think so? Sure.

Yeah, me too. I think it's going to be
just wonderful.

Hurry, this is it?

Mm -hmm.

Mary, today is a big news day. We had to
cut down on sports to make room for the

important news stories. Well, like what
was so important?

The stock market went up 15 points,
Kissinger's on his way to China, and

have film of the Loch Ness Monster.

Murray, I don't think that's so
important.

And Lou decided he wanted five minutes
on that new feature he's running, you

know, the one on the minorities and the
Twin Cities. Oh, Murray, I thought we

covered all the minorities and the Twin
Cities.

Tonight, it's Filipinos.

Andy Rivers?

I just saw him in makeup. I think you've
got a real loser there.

I think he's going to bomb tonight.

Andy, if you do anything tonight... Hi.

Hi, Andy.

Hi, we were just talking about you.
Andy, have you met Murray Slaughter?

I've met Murray.

And you have met Ted?

Yes. Say, Andy, I was just wondering,
who holds the American League record for

most consecutive strikeouts?

Oh, gee, I don't think I know Ted.

Oh, gee, I guess I'll have to ask
someone else, won't I?

himself a sportscaster.

Andy, here's your copy. It's a little
thin. You know, we have these other

stories. That's all right, Murray.

There'll be other days.

He hopes.

I guess I better be getting down to the
studio, huh? Good luck. Good luck, Andy.

Thank you. We'll be rooting for you.
Before you go in there, Andy, after I

introduce you, remember, you look into
camera three. And whatever you do, don't

look into camera one. That's my camera.

It's his first show tonight, so just
leave him alone, all right? Tonight is

important to him, and it's important to
me, so lay off.

Murray, I think I hear wedding bells.

Ted's not going to let him on. Relax,
there's five minutes left in the show.

And let's look at the Filipino community
in the Twin Cities.

And what they three are the nicest
people you'd ever want to meet.

Thanks, Ted.

Andy Rivers here with today's action in
the world of sports.

The North Stars shut out the New York
Rangers 2 -0.

Chicago Blackhawks outshot the Los
Angeles Kings 5 -3. And the Boston

defeated the Philadelphia Flyers 7 -1.
And now, back to Ted.

Nice job.

I made a good choice, Mary.

Really good.

I said good choice, Mary.

You did good.

He's going to work out great.

Let me tell you about life.

We're born, we live, and we die.

And you want to know what it all means?

Nothing.

Nothing? Nothing.

Look at Winston Churchill.

A great man, right?

Maybe the greatest man of the century.

Let me ask... Let me ask you this.

When was the last time you heard anybody
mention Winston Churchill?

I don't know.

The greatest man of the century, and you
don't know.

All right. Remember when everyone
thought Ed the sportscaster had died?

Look at this postcard. Read what it
says.

Sorry to hear about Ed having a
wonderful time.

Charlie Kellerman.

That's what a man's life comes down to,
Mary.

Sorry to hear about Ed on the back of a
picture postcard of Disneyland.

Mary. Mary. Mary.

Cheer up.

Cheer up. Because in an infinite
universe, on a planet the size of a

pin,

we are mere specks of dust waiting to be
blown away.

You see what I'm trying to tell you?

I see.

Good.

Thank you very much. You're welcome.

I was wondering, if you're not doing
anything, maybe you'd like to go out and

have some dinner with me.

Uh... Andrew, excuse me, I couldn't help
but overhearing. Mary, would you hold

up your answer for a second? I'd like to
talk to you, Andrew Corbin. Sure.

Look, Andy, let me clue you in about
Mary.

She makes it a policy not to go out with
us on the air, guys.

When she first came to the station, I
asked her a couple of times. She turned

down every time.

If she won't go out with me, she
certainly... Andy, I'd love to have

you.

That's the way she fired the last
sportscaster.