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Okay. Pick a card.
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Look at it.
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Put it back.
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Okay.
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Is that your card? No.
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Yes, it is.
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No, it isn't.
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Yes, it is.
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It's really not.
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Yes, it is.
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Yes, it is.
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Ta -da!
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This is a Paul Buckman documentary.
People who aren't famous but should be
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cut of the guy who invented the moist
towelette segment.
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Tell me, how did you first get the idea
for the moist towelette? Well, at that
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time, all towels were dry.
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And you often found yourself moistening
them in order to perform various tasks.
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Cleaning your glasses or wiping a baby's
bottom, for example.
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So I thought that if the towels were
already moist, you don't have to go to
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sink.
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How did you arrive at the name Moist
Towelette? Because I'm fascinated by
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You are?
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Yeah.
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You're a nice boy.
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Well, the moist portion is self
-explanatory.
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And as far as the towelette part, it was
stronger than a tissue.
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And although it had certain towel -like
qualities, it wasn't a towel.
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It was smaller than a towel.
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It was thinner than a towel.
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It was lighter than a towel.
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It was a... Towelette.
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Towelette.
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What do you think?
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Well, I, you know, I... What did your
agent say?
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Oh, he hasn't even seen it. Maybe the
first one I'm showing it to. I'm going
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send him this one, the guy who invented
curly fries, and also the woman who
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first wrote up area codes. Right, right.
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So I'm going to send him off to... What
do you think, you? I think it's a great
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idea for a documentary.
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What do you mean it's a great idea?
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No, it is. People who aren't famous, but
should be. It's intriguing. You hear
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the premise and you think, why isn't the
guy who invented the moist towelette
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famous? And then you see the film and
you find out why.
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I didn't love the film, Paul.
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I don't understand what you're saying to
me.
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I think it's kind of dull.
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Dull? Dull.
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Dull? Dull.
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The moist towelette guy was dull? Dull.
Curly fries? Oh, my God, dull.
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Area code woman? Wanted to fall on a
sharp stick.
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Really? Oh, you're obsessed.
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No, no.
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No.
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Cut it off. I liked your little shirt.
That was nice. Yeah, good.
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Hello, Bookman. Hey, Mr. Wicker. Nice to
see you.
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Actually, a couple of things need
fixing. Yeah, this squeak in the door.
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been squeaking.
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What happened to the squeak? I fixed it
this morning. Well, thank you. You're
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welcome. And also that little thing in
the kitchen, the stove, over the stove,
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the thing that sucks the smoke out, what
is that called? The vent? Yes, it's not
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venting. I fixed it this morning.
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Well, you've had a busy morning, haven't
you?
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Thank you. The reason I'm here is I was
going to ask you guys a favor. Sure,
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sure. Anything within our very limited
power.
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I went out of town for a couple of
weeks. I was wondering while I'm gone if
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could take care of my roof garden. You
have a garden on the roof? Yeah, my
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and joy.
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So what do you think? Could you take
care of it for me?
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Well, you know, Mr. Wicker, ordinarily
we'd love to... We have so much going
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The baby... Okay, I understand.
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Yeah, just that you guys are my favorite
tenants.
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I always think about you guys as my
friend's family, really.
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Well... That's nice to know. Really
nice. Very sweet of you to say.
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Shouldn't form an attachment with
tenants, but, you know, with you guys...
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darn it. Mr. Wicker... Couldn't help
myself. We also are very fond of you.
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Ordinarily we'd love to... What's the
matter?
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Boy, is that quiet.
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Why don't we take care of the roof
garden?
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What do you think? Is that ripe?
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Or is it dull?
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Would you?
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Sure, that's the one I meant to take.
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It's not like this is the first time I
didn't like one of your movies.
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As a matter of fact, yes, it is. It is?
Yeah, you've liked everything.
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I have? You always have. You liked
Buckman. I liked Buckman. You liked
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liked Weed. You liked Life of a Button.
I love Life of a Button. Okay, so when
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you tell me that my film is dull, I just
gotta say that smarts. It really does.
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What am I supposed to do? Lie to you?
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No, you're supposed to like the film.
But what if I don't? Then yes, lie.
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Paul Buckman, how are you? Stan, how are
you? Nice to see you. My wife, Jane.
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Hello. Stan Freitas. Nice to meet you.
Stan, little Mabel. Oh, isn't that a
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cutie? And this is Gunther.
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Oh, boy, how old is he?
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Six months.
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Oh, my gosh.
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Boy, how much does he weigh? Gunther
comes in at a healthy 185.
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He's on a Notre Dame in the fall. He's a
big guy. Yes, he is. From my wife's
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side of the family, they're huge.
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people freaks dutch huge dutch freaks
well he's awfully cute yeah it's like
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carrying mickey rooney around look at
this toy this is quite a toy you got
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it squeeze it what squeeze it my belly
is jolly hello there
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Where do you get these? Oh, you can't.
It's from Holland. It's called a... My
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belly is
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jolly. Oh, I love that. Oh, so does
Gunther. Paul, give the child his toy
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Yeah, I will.
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My belly is jolly.
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Honey. Huh? Okay, okay, okay.
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Stan, your name sounds so familiar to
me. Yeah, honey.
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Stan directed that documentary, Dogtown.
Oh, my God. Yeah, that was a brilliant
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film. Oh, thank you. No, really. I saw
it like three times. It was so fresh and
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original. Oh, you're very kind. You
should be very flattered because she's a
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tough critic, my wife. Yeah. No, boy,
she doesn't like something, boom, she'll
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let you know. She's not shy. One
sentence, boom, that's it. You just die.
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are out. The whole world is over. You
want to stop living? You want to start
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dying, you know? She tells you what to
think and the life gets sucked out of
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until you're just soulless and sucked
out and dead, dead.
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Okay, I gotta go. It was nice to bump
into you. Nice to see you, Stan.
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Bye -bye. See you, little gunter.
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I'm mine.
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Seven, six. Okay, so his fell on your
life. There we go. Now, that's good.
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You know what, sweetie? Maybe there's
been a mistake. Maybe you should be
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married to Stan. Oh. Well, why not? He's
obviously not happy with the Dutch,
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bro. At least don't do this. It's just
part of loving somebody. If you love
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somebody, love their work. Well, I
disagree. Well, I don't. Really? You
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disagree with yourself? What a shock. I
don't. I don't. I think when you stop
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loving the work, I think that means
maybe you love the person a little bit
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That is ridiculous.
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I think it means we've reached a higher
level of intimacy and closeness.
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has lifted the Flavin Viva. Oh, my. Let
me see if I can get a stand. Oh, wait,
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sweetie. Look how cute they are. She
loves it. Okay.
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Why can't she keep it?
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Why? Because it belongs to somebody
else. I know, but she's happy, and he's
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going to remember where he lost it.
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I think you're missing the point here. I
get the point, Mr. Goody -Two -Shoes.
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So what are we going to do now? We're
just going to make off with the Flavin
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Hacker?
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Natural. Natural.
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Mr. Wicker?
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Mr.
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Wicker?
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Who's coming out next, Shoeless Joe?
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How do you like my garden, huh?
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Garden? It's like a small farm you got
going. I like working the land, Buckman.
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Oh, yeah, it's a hell of an avocation.
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It gives me something to do.
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Something that's serene and satisfying
when I feel the...
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The world is getting the better of me.
Sure, sure.
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Do you have another occasion?
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A what? A hobby. A hobby? No, I don't. I
don't have the time. I, you know, I...
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I like cereal a lot, but I just... I
don't do anything with it. You may like
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farming. Yeah? Oh, yeah. You may like
the feel of raw earth under your
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00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,680
fingertips. Sure. The smell of fresh
manure under your shoes. Ah, now you're
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00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,680
talking. That's something I can really
get to home.
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Listen, uh... I should tell you, I
don't, uh, I don't know how to do this.
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sort of, uh, agriculturally challenged,
you know? I mean, me and farming is
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like, it's like oil and, uh, can't even
make a joke. You see what I'm saying? I
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don't know.
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Come on, you're gonna love farming.
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Yeah? Look, we got corn. Okay.
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Tomatoes.
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Lettuce. Cucumbers.
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You know, if you could just grow bacon,
bitch, you got a whole cob salad right
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there.
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Let me show you this. What's he got?
Look at this.
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This is sweet white corn.
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Wow. Look at that. Beautiful.
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Hell yeah.
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Taste this.
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I mean, it's raw. So?
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Mr. Wick, it's still got the hair on it.
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Well,
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that's some good corn there, neighbor.
Huh?
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Okay, let's talk about your chores.
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All right.
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00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:02,680
Now this.
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This is the garden's most important
tool. I need you every morning to come
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here and water these plants enough so
you soak these roots. Okay. Be careful,
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because if you overwater...
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You run the risk of caving in the
ceiling on the Bornstein's living room.
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Which a lot of farmers don't have that
particular problem.
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Bring me the trowel. You got it.
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00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:22,690
What is a trowel?
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00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,950
Little shovel. Little shovel? That's
what you have to say. Little shovel.
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00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:29,170
you go. Look, this, this is crabgrass.
Okay.
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00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:30,409
Crabgrass is the enemy.
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00:10:30,410 --> 00:10:32,890
Hmm? Crabgrass will get into your brain
and keep you up at night.
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Crabgrass will make you wish you'd never
been born.
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Crabgrass bad.
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Right. Yes.
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Watch.
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00:10:40,689 --> 00:10:43,490
So, we dig up the crabgrass by the
roots.
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Okay. And we never shed a tear.
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Goodbye, crabgrass.
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Try it. Yeah?
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This... Uh -huh.
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It's time.
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00:10:57,950 --> 00:11:02,770
Okay, I didn't realize you were in a
rush, but... It's time. The spice. Time.
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00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:03,389
That's time?
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00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:05,430
Right. I thought it came in those little
glass jars. Right.
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Pretty cool.
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00:11:07,830 --> 00:11:09,610
Okay, so that's crabgrass right there I
got. Ah.
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00:11:09,850 --> 00:11:10,849
Excellent work.
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00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:12,230
Okay, this is not so bad.
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00:11:12,830 --> 00:11:14,910
It's actually kind of fun. I told you.
Yeah.
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There's a bright golden haze in the
meadow.
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00:11:18,770 --> 00:11:21,170
There's a bright golden haze in the
meadow.
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00:11:21,490 --> 00:11:24,970
The corn is as high as an elephant's
eye.
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00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:29,490
And it looks like it's climbing clear up
to the sky.
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00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,670
Oh, what a beautiful morning.
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00:11:33,370 --> 00:11:35,690
Oh, what a beautiful day.
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my way.
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Furthermore, all...
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A 60 %
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00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,940
chance of rain for the New York
metropolitan area.
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00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:58,660
Good, good. Rain is good. My beans and
basil, thank you. With high winds
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00:11:58,660 --> 00:11:59,660
tomorrow evening.
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00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,400
Winds? No, no, no, no. Winds?
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00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,300
Beans and basil don't like winds.
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00:12:17,740 --> 00:12:19,020
It's going to blow on my beans.
220
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:20,479
My goodness.
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00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,480
Did you call your agent back? No, I
will. Hi.
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00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,000
Hi. You said he still hadn't gotten the
film. I know.
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00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,780
I'm going to call him. Honey, your agent
calls five times. You don't call him
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00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,560
back? Honey, I got bigger problems now.
225
00:12:29,780 --> 00:12:30,519
Like what?
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00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:31,520
My aphids.
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00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:33,139
Excuse me?
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00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:34,260
I got aphids.
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00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:35,680
They're eating my spuds.
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00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:39,720
I'm on the verge of a major potato
famine up there. Plus, I'm not sure. I
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00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:40,720
I got a gopher.
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00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:44,050
Here. Hey, hey, hey. Come here, come
here, come here, come here. You have to
233
00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:48,390
taste this. This is unbelievable. This
is a beefsteak tomato. This is the
234
00:12:48,390 --> 00:12:53,210
largest of the North American tomato
varietals. It has an actual name.
235
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,430
It's phylum tomatus.
236
00:12:56,510 --> 00:12:59,130
What the hell is a tomato? It's a good
tomato, though.
237
00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:02,390
Oh, my God.
238
00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:04,090
What do you think? Oh, my God.
239
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:05,630
Delicious or is it dull?
240
00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:09,130
It's delicious. You grew this?
241
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:12,720
Yep. Well, I ordered it yesterday and I
picked it today.
242
00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:17,920
But I was the one who decided it was
ready for eating. And it did grow for a
243
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:21,800
whole day under my supervision. So, in
essence, yes, I grew that.
244
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:24,300
Oh, way to go.
245
00:13:24,380 --> 00:13:26,560
Yeah. Oh, it's going to be a good
harvest this year.
246
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,180
Hello, Paul. Stan Freitas.
247
00:13:29,380 --> 00:13:30,379
Hi, Stan.
248
00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:34,440
Yeah, listen, the crazy thing, it seems
that Gunther has lost his Flevenhuden.
249
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:35,600
Uh -oh.
250
00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:39,320
Gunther lost his Flavinheist? Yeah, and
he's really upset about it.
251
00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:42,660
Down, Gunther! Well, you know, it's a
heck of a toy.
252
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:46,340
Yeah, I know, and the last time I
remember seeing the damn thing is when
253
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:47,640
into each other at the market!
254
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,780
Gunther! Ow!
255
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:52,380
That hurts, Daddy! No!
256
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:57,400
Anyway, you couldn't have accidentally
fallen into your stroller, could it?
257
00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:59,560
Accidentally fallen into our stroller?
258
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,760
Huh. I mean, which would...
259
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:03,740
free us of any wrongdoing whatsoever?
260
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,200
What do you mean?
261
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,660
Stan, are you okay?
262
00:14:07,860 --> 00:14:13,640
I'm fine. Just tell me you have the
flavin' hurtin'. Uh, let me take a look,
263
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:18,680
Stan. Maybe I do. You know what? Yes, we
do. There's the flavin', Grieber. Oh,
264
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,320
thank God. I'll be over in four minutes.
265
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,360
What does that mean? You'll find out.
266
00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:32,250
Sweetie. One sentence.
267
00:14:32,450 --> 00:14:33,249
Sorry, Stan.
268
00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:35,710
We don't have the toy. We could have the
Floovenberg free and clear.
269
00:14:36,130 --> 00:14:39,370
What are you doing about lying and
thieving? I'm talking about a toy your
270
00:14:39,370 --> 00:14:40,370
daughter loves.
271
00:14:40,510 --> 00:14:43,830
So she loves the toy, but she'll love
something else. Look. Little teddy bear,
272
00:14:43,870 --> 00:14:46,230
make a switcheroo. She'll never know the
difference. Look what Daddy's got.
273
00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:47,370
Hello. Hello.
274
00:14:47,650 --> 00:14:52,090
Hello. You take the teddy bear. I'll
take the Flavin' Scrawler. There you go.
275
00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:53,590
Okay.
276
00:14:53,690 --> 00:14:56,710
See? In like Flint. There's no reason...
277
00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:29,180
Happy Gunther with the vegan egg and
sugar.
278
00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:32,020
Coming.
279
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:33,799
Who is it?
280
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,040
It's Paul and Jamie Buckman, Stan.
281
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,220
Hi. Hi, Stan. Sorry to bother you so
late. We thought you might like some
282
00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:42,740
produce. Produce? Take it.
283
00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:48,140
We need to talk to you about that toy.
What about it? We'd like to buy it from
284
00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:51,300
you. You can name your price. I'm sorry,
it's not for sale. Oh, everything's for
285
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:52,300
sale, Stan.
286
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:54,459
Please, God.
287
00:15:54,460 --> 00:15:56,500
It's for our daughter. How much? Jamie.
288
00:15:56,740 --> 00:15:57,740
How much? Jamie.
289
00:15:58,220 --> 00:15:59,980
Would you come in? Excuse me.
290
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:04,400
Hello. Oh, hello, Wilma.
291
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,360
No, everything is fine.
292
00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:10,140
Wilma, don't start with this tune.
293
00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:13,260
Why don't you start with this tune?
294
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,680
Why don't you start with this tune?
Don't start.
295
00:16:17,540 --> 00:16:18,540
Wait,
296
00:16:19,180 --> 00:16:20,660
Eva. Wait, just hang on.
297
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,480
I have to take it inside.
298
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:25,939
Excuse me.
299
00:16:25,940 --> 00:16:27,040
Hellfinger. Hellfinger.
300
00:16:27,660 --> 00:16:28,860
Crazy Dutch freak.
301
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,680
Wow. Stan got an Emmy?
302
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,680
And a Golden Globe? Look, and he won a
big blue side square thing?
303
00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:40,580
What are you doing? Help me.
304
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:44,100
We're taking this thing. What? Come on,
will you? The guy's going to run out of
305
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:47,660
Dutch. My gosh, he's big. We are not
taking a toy out of a child's crib.
306
00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:48,860
Uh -oh. What?
307
00:16:48,980 --> 00:16:50,040
Gunther's sitting on it.
308
00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:52,060
Gunther, get up.
309
00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:54,460
Gunther, get up.
310
00:16:55,270 --> 00:16:56,109
Big boy.
311
00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:57,390
You got a pot roast on you?
312
00:16:57,890 --> 00:16:59,750
Maybe we can lure him over to the other
side of the crib.
313
00:17:00,090 --> 00:17:02,570
Sweetie, do you understand the
difference? It was one thing when Mabel
314
00:17:02,570 --> 00:17:04,430
by accident at the market. Here we go,
big guy.
315
00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:06,369
This, this, this is wrong.
316
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,089
Dear God, he's like a sea lion.
317
00:17:08,369 --> 00:17:11,910
Put the toy down. I haven't actually
picked him up yet. What are you going to
318
00:17:11,910 --> 00:17:14,390
do? Are you going to take the toy and
just run away? Yes. You'll pick up
319
00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:16,569
Gunther. I'll grab the flak and bush and
we'll get out of here.
320
00:17:17,510 --> 00:17:20,270
This is not... Look at what you've
become. You're mugging an infant.
321
00:17:20,569 --> 00:17:22,790
Hot bidoma. You're annoying, Wilma.
322
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:26,569
Listen to me. Our daughter is home
crying her little eyes out because I
323
00:17:26,569 --> 00:17:28,050
would like to sleep again before I die.
324
00:17:28,329 --> 00:17:31,510
It's Gunther or us. Gunther or us.
Gunther or us.
325
00:17:34,210 --> 00:17:35,310
Sorry, pal. Thank you.
326
00:17:36,450 --> 00:17:38,090
You see all this film awards he's got?
327
00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:39,330
Lift. Okay.
328
00:17:40,170 --> 00:17:43,630
Careful, he's very heavy. Sweetie, he's
a baby. I think I can pick up... Oh, my
329
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:44,630
God. Oh, my God.
330
00:17:45,290 --> 00:17:47,610
See? Got an ass like a goat.
331
00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:50,490
Okay.
332
00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:52,190
Got it.
333
00:17:55,730 --> 00:17:56,549
Sorry, Gunther.
334
00:17:56,550 --> 00:17:59,430
Sorry, Gunther. We'll get you something.
We've got to get him something.
335
00:17:59,810 --> 00:18:01,770
And when you're ready, we have an
excellent therapist.
336
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,220
father of all non -dry cleaning
products.
337
00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:52,520
We felt if you could tear the towelette
off, leaving a nice, attractive little
338
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:58,300
piece of the next one showing, it would
be very inviting.
339
00:21:00,580 --> 00:21:02,780
That did it? Is this legal?
340
00:21:03,340 --> 00:21:05,600
So it shouldn't be a total loss, huh?
27825
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