All language subtitles for lou_grant_s01e22_physical

our contest to select a homecoming
queen.

Jane.

Smile.

I'm David Sanders, a Trib's campus
stringer.

Why did you decide to enter the contest
for the homecoming queen this year? In

your own words.

As a joke.

Wish I'd worn a bathing suit.

As a joke?

Are you sure?

That sounds frivolous to me.

It is frivolous.

But couldn't it also have something to
do with Title IX?

With ERA?

With equal rights?

I suppose so.

Couldn't it simply be your humorous way
of making a point about sexual

stereotyping? Aren't you really doing
this to protest reverse discrimination?

No.

Well,

okay.

That's well put, John. I can use that.

I don't know, David. What does he do?
Wear a dress? I hate pictures of guys in

dresses. No, no. It's nothing like that,
Mr. Grant. It's perfectly legit.

Oh, yeah? He's doing this to make a
point about equal rights.

If you can't discriminate on the grounds
of sex, then there is no reason why a

guy can't be homecoming clean.

He's gonna win, too.

Who's taking him to the prom?

I already asked. His girlfriend.

Oh. Do you think you're interested?

If we keep on paying you by the year,
she'll own this joint by next year.

All right, flesh this out with examples
of other ways men have gotten into areas

that everybody used to think were just
for women.

Like, uh... Phone operators.

And?

There's lots of them.

You find them. How?

Chris?

What do you need?

David here has a piece that needs some
research. Show him how and where, will

you? Okay.

And you just keep placing them, don't
you? Yeah, and lately they've been

me write a lot of them still.

You got it made. Your editor, your
college paper, your stringer for the

When you graduate, you'll have a job
waiting for you right here. Sure as

anything. Now, what about you? You got a
jump on me. You're working here now.

Oh, I got a jump on you. I'm a copy boy.

Copy boys don't become reporters. Not
anymore.

Why, Lou?

Why do you insist on making waves?

I mean, why do you always pick the
dumbest things to get stubborn about?

What did I do?

You know perfectly well I'm talking
about your physical.

Oh, that.

You got to take it. It's a rule.

I mean, once a year, everyone on the
editorial staff gets a physical for

policy. I don't need a physical. I
already had one, and they said I was

When was that?

In the Army.

They did 400 of us in just under half an
hour. I haven't had a whole lot of

faith in them since.

You haven't had a physical since the
Army?

400 naked guys. I saw a lot of ugly
things in the war, but nothing as ugly

that. Lou, you have to... The answer's
no.

You okay?

I'm fine. I just don't feel like getting
up physically.

Excuse me, Mr. Grant. What?

Oh, sorry. What is it, Chris?

Well, maybe this isn't the time.

No, no, no. Come on. What is it?

Well, I was wondering if you could
recommend a book for me to read on news

writing. What do you mean?

I mean, how to do it. You know,
something that shows you step by step.

You want to be a reporter?

Well, I... Yeah.

Like David Sanders?

Right. First thing you've got to learn
about news writing is you can't learn it

from a book.

A kid like Santa's been writing for
years, every day, since junior high

Well, I'd be willing to write every day.

You would, huh? Yeah.

Bill? Yeah? Give me that information you
got on the Lachman story.

Better hear something.

Thanks.

Here.

What's this?

It's the guts of a story a reporter
phoned in this morning. Bill already

it up for the first edition.

Why don't you take a crack at it
yourself, see what you can do.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, thank you, thank you.
That's great, Mr. Grant. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. It's the only way to learn a
right. Jump in and start doing it. Okay,

right.

That's how my father taught me to swim.
He threw me right in.

I drowned.

You know my friend Len White on the New
York Times?

What about him?

He's on one of the Pulitzer juries this
year.

Oh, it's prize time again.

The awards season.

The Pulitzers, the press club, the
advertising council.

We're not in this business to win
awards. I hate the whole idea.

Now I'll tell you something that'll
really depress you.

Guess who my friend says has a good
chance of winning for local reporting.

Let's see.

Who would depress me by winning a
Pulitzer Prize?

Rossi? Shh.

I just said he's got a good chance.

Rossi? Shh.

Yes, for his series on mental hospitals.

Well, it was good work.

Rossi? My friend shouldn't have told me,
but he did.

Now the point is, what do I do?

Pray for him upset.

Why, uh, why the happy faces?

No, we just had some pretty bad news,
Rossi.

Oh, yeah? How bad?

Very bad.

Awful. Geez, I'm sorry.

What? What is it? Oh, you don't want to
know.

Lou.

We were just talking about the
possibility of your winning a Pulitzer

year. That's a good bet.

I get nominated almost every year, just
a matter of time.

No, no, Rossi, what I meant was...
You're still going to tell him after

what he just said?

Maybe you're right.

Wait a minute.

Did you hear something?

Yes.

Yes, Rossi, a friend of mine who's on
one of the juries said that your series

mental hospitals was the best thing he'd
read in local reporting.

Is she putting me on?

Are you two setting me up? Is that it?

Make Rossi look like a jerk. Is that the
plan?

It's a nice thought, Rossi.

But unfortunately, Billy's telling you
the truth.

The Pulitzer Prize?

How about that?

I'd say that calls for a little
celebrating around here. Hey, bartender.

Do you believe this Rossi is actually
going to buy?

Give me a beer.

Why do you always make me feel like the
school principal calling the bad boy

into her office?

Hmm?

Why haven't we had our physical
examination?

Oh, that.

You and Joe Rossi are the only ones who
haven't had one, yet he at least has

made an appointment to see the doctor.

Is there some reason why you're
resisting it?

Yeah, I don't like physicals. None of us
enjoys them particularly.

They serve a purpose.

Maybe not.

I read an article by a doctor who says
people have a lot of unnecessary

checkups. Drives up the cost of medical
care.

Well, that may be true, but...

Plus the fact that it takes time away
from people who are really sick or hurt.

I mean, there I am, taking up a doctor's
valuable time getting a physical, while

in the next room some poor guy is
bleeding on the floor.

Why do I get the impression you're not
telling me the real reason?

Yeah, I am.

Then your reason is for the birds.

I don't want a physical.

Are you afraid that something is the
matter with you?

No, I... I don't know.

I haven't felt real well for a while.
I'm always tired.

Even in the morning.

It's probably just age catching up with
me, but... But you don't want to know

for sure.

You're darn right I don't.

Mr. Grant, you know better than that.

It's very important you see a doctor so
you can find out why you feel the way

you do.

If you like, I'll go with you.

Hold your hand.

Afterwards, I'll buy you some ice cream.

I'm not getting a physical.

I do not care to go through this again.

Okay.

I'll go.

When are you free?

When am I free?

Yeah. You did say you'd buy me ice
cream, didn't you?

Lou Grant will continue in a moment here
on A &E.

You're not the last holdout, you know.

One of your colleagues, Mr. Rossi, is
due later this afternoon.

Yeah.

I heard.

It's all right. Your weight isn't bad.
You look pretty trim.

Lost 20 pounds this year.

Yeah, I'd like to drop some weight.

But the way my wife cooks... Too good,
huh?

Awful. We eat out all the time, and you
sure can't lose any weight that way.

How do you feel, generally?

Fine.

Aren't you going to tell me I'm in
terrific shape for a guy 50 years old?

Good Lord, is that all you are?

I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.

No complaints?

Oh, yeah. Well, sometimes I feel a
little tired.

But who doesn't?

What kind of tired?

You know, no pep, no energy.

I probably just work too hard.

When do you feel that way?

You mean at the end of the day?

Right. That's all.

Never any other time?

Oh, yeah.

I guess sometimes.

In the morning?

Sometimes.

Ever feel that way after a good night's
sleep?

Once in a while.

What are you doing?

Oh, just feeling a thyroid.

Feels like there's a little nodule on
the right side there.

Nodule? Mm -hmm. I can't be sure just by
feeling.

What I'd like you to do is have a scan.

What does that mean, have a scan?

Oh, there's nothing to it. You lie on a
table and they pass the machine back and

forth across your throat.

I'll arrange it for tomorrow and I'll
have you drink a little iodine solution

before you leave today.

You're going to have me drink iodine?

Well, just a drop or so in solution is
perfectly safe.

Sure, sure.

And a little skull and crossbones on the
bottle?

Oh, this won't be household iodine. This
is radioactive.

Why don't you say so?

Would you mind getting back on the
scale? I forgot to check your height.

You see, the thyroid is hungry for
iodine. And normally it gets it from the

in our food, especially seafood.

And you also drink up the radioactive
iodine. And by tomorrow, you'll be able

get a perfect picture of your thyroid,
suitable for framing.

Wait a minute.

I'm taller than that. You must have
pressed down too hard on my head.

It's normal to settle slightly as we get
older.

Oh, that's terrific. You know that?

I've got a nodule.

I've got a drink iodine, and I'm
shrinking.

This is more fun than Christmas.

I hate to add to all that, but would you
mind resting your elbows on the table

here for a moment?

Oh, I hate this part worst of all.

I'm not crazy about it myself.

You say Joe Rossi is coming by later?

Well, that's right. Why?

Well, when you get to this part, at
exactly this moment,

do me a favor.

Say, oh, by the way, Lou Grant says
hello.

Not good, right?

Right.

Well, I used the five W's in the lead,
who, what, when, where, and why.

I wasn't sure about how it doesn't start
with a W.

You got a hold of the book, didn't you?
I told you to stay away from books. What

did this one say?

It said the first sentence of a news
story should give all the information,

mine does. The lead should also grab the
reader's attention.

Yours doesn't.

George F. Lockman shot Richard G. Porter
in the head.

with a .38 caliber revolver on the
corner of Tweezer and La Cienega at 4

.m. on February 19, 1978, because of an
argument.

It's hard to make murder dull, Chris,
but you managed to do it.

Yeah, I see to me.

The writing on Lee should be more than
reciting all the facts.

It should involve the reader, make him
want more.

You know, David, I string at L .A .U.

David filed this covering an awards
presentation at L .A .U. Pretty dull

right? Right.

Listen to the lead.

A scholarship named in honor of a young
soldier killed on Guadalcanal was won by

the daughter of a Japanese pilot at L .A
.U.'s 49th annual awards dinner

Thursday night.

Want to know more?

Yeah. That's why this is a good lead.

Good news writing is more than the five
W's.

Hey, don't look as though I just kicked
you. You wanted to learn.

Well, does this mean you won't read
anything else I write?

Of course not.

Bill? Yeah?

You got anything good?

How about the harbor explosion?

Fine.

Here's another one for you to try.

Same idea.

Only this time, grab me with that lead.

Okay, okay. Thanks, Mr. Craig. The only
way to learn is keep trying.

Okay, right.

Thanks a lot.

Now we're going to be getting lousy
writing from all the copy boys for the

five years.

I got to go in and have my thyroid
scanned this afternoon.

You found a lump in it.

Well, we can't have somebody working
here with a lumpy thyroid.

That bad?

I don't know.

I was fine until I found out I had it.

It's a thought that bothers you.

I know.

I don't even like lumps in my oatmeal.

But I wouldn't worry about it.

You wouldn't, huh? No, the human body is
prone to knots and bumps.

I mean, we get more and more like trees
as we get older.

God, what if it's Dutch elm disease?

Tests. They only do stuff like that to
cover themselves.

I mean, doctors have to make a lot of
extra tests nowadays, see, to protect

against malpractice suits. It means
nothing.

Sure. Yeah.

Hmm, banker's hours?

I, uh, have an appointment.

Yeah, I know. I heard.

Well, if you think it's right to spend
the afternoon posing for centerfolds for

today's health while the rest of us have
to work.

I really don't want to do this.

Hey, relax.

Doctors all insist on making a lot of
tests these days. It's just... I know.

protect themselves.

Hey, Luke, can I talk to you? I gotta go
out. Great, I'll go with you. We can

talk.

Definitely not my week.

I don't want this to sound like an ego
trip, but I've got this terrific idea

an article.

I know it's a little premature, but what
a great angle.

The first -person viewpoint on how it
feels to win the Pulitzer Prize.

I love it.

It's not just because it's about me. In
this case, all right, it happens to be

about me, but I'd feel the same if
someone else won it.

It's something I, as a reader, would
like to know. Calling Dr. Newman,

What are we doing here?

Going to have a thyroid scan.

Oh.

You all right?

I guess that's what I'm here to find
out.

I guess you want me out of your way.

Rossi?

You want to talk some more about that
Pulitzer story?

The scan shouldn't take more than an
hour.

I'll be right here.

Grant, it's been 24 hours since you
drank that iodine. We should be able to

a nice picture of your thyroid.

How about a couple of wallet size for my
daughters?

No, they're not those kind of pictures.

I didn't mean... Just be comfortable.

If you have to swallow, try and do it
when the scan is at one end or the other

and not right over your throat.

Dr. Chaney, please go to emergency.

Am I doing this right?

Please, talking makes the throat move.

What does it show?

Send it over to your doctor and he can
discuss it with you. Yeah, but you could

tell him right now what it shows. Why
don't you tell him?

You're not supposed to have that kind of
discussion with the patient.

We just do the testing and send the
findings over to the referring

Come on, come on. Stop acting like a
robot.

I don't need any detail. I'm sure your
doctor will tell you whatever you want

know.

Listen, doctor, why won't you tell me on
the phone?

I mean, right now, on the phone.

Of course I can come to your office, but
I resent being treated this way.

Because this is high -handed. That's
why. It's my body, and I have a right

Well, if it were good news, you'd sure
as hell tell me on the phone. So, in

effect, you've already told me, haven't
you?

Lou Grant will continue in a moment here
on A &E.

Oh, Mr. Grant. Doctor, before you say
anything, I just want to apologize for

way I acted on the phone.

I understand completely.

Please sit down.

It's really not as bad as all that, you
know. You mean the lump wasn't...

No, it probably is.

Malignant? Yes.

But before you get frightened by that
word, let me explain that thyroid cancer

is one of the most manageable forms.

It's very slow to spread.

Very slow is the rule, and surgical
removal of the thyroid usually stops it.

In other words, if you had to get it,
you couldn't have chosen a better place.

Yeah, I can.

Somebody else's throat.

That's a lousy thing for me to say.

Surgical removal?

It's the wisest thing to do. It's quite
a common operation.

What am I going to do without a thyroid?

What does it do, anyway?

It regulates your metabolism.

And you'll get along without it just
fine by taking a thyroid tablet every

morning. This will tell you all about
the thyroid gland, more than you

want to know.

Right now, I think you should select a
surgeon.

I should?

Why not? I can give you the names of two
excellent men who do a lot of thyroids.

Pick one.

How? Trial and error?

Well, talk to them if you like.

Come on. What can I tell about a surgeon
from talking?

What should I do?

Have him invite me to dinner and see how
he cars the roast?

They're both excellent carvers. I just
thought you might prefer to make the

choice.

What are their names?

Dr. Carp and Dr.

Brickman.

Brickman?

Brickman?

When I was a kid, my family had a doctor
named Brickman.

I'll take Carp.

Hey, Lou.

What did the doctor say?

I have to have my thyroid removed.

When? Soon, soon as possible.

Oh, sorry.

Me too.

I'm not psychologically prepared to
start having my organs removed.

Well, nobody ever is. I'm only 50 years
old. Man, in terrific shape for a guy

your age.

Hey, Lou, what the... That thyroid,
that's somewhere in here, isn't it?

The thyroid is a slippery, pink, bow
-tie -shaped gland that straddles the

windpipe. Well, then you're better off.
Who the hell wants something like that

in their throat?

Anything? No.

No good.

Now, hold it.

Sorry, Chris. My mind was on something
else.

Let me explain what's wrong with this.

You see, your lead has nothing to do
with the rest of the item.

This reminds me of the opening sentence
in one of Max Schulman's novels, Sleep

Till Noon, I think it was.

The sentence read, bang, bang, bang,
bang. Four shots ripped into my groin,

I was off on the biggest adventure of my
life.

You know what the second sentence was?

But first, let me tell you a little
about myself.

And he didn't get back to those shots
for the next hundred pages.

Well, that's silly.

Sure, he meant it to be silly.

And that's what mine is like.

A little.

You gotta do two things, Chris.

You've got to grab their attention and
still tell them what the story's going

be about. Two things.

Hey, that's a fact.

Bill?

You're going to keep at this till you
get it right.

The guy got arrested in an Indiana
coffee shop for wearing his underpants

head. I don't think he was arrested for
wearing them on his head, but for not

wearing them somewhere else.

No, he was fully dressed.

He just had his underpants on his head.

I can see grounds for arrest if they
were someone else's underpants.

No, no, they were his own underpants.

Did the judge find him guilty?

Strange as it seems, Indiana has no law
against wearing your underpants on your

head. Exciting as that is, it just
doesn't sound like front page stuff.

Well, the Association of Certified
Public Accountants has named its man of

year. King of the bookkeepers.

That's not too newsworthy.

Here he is, the best man in his
profession, and I'll never make the

Maybe he should try wearing his
underpants on his head.

What do you think, Lou?

Lou, what do you think?

I like it.

You like what?

The story about the king.

Are we, uh, finishing?

Yep.

Hey, Boo.

Hmm? My wife said her cousin had the
thyroid operation.

There's nothing to it. Oh, that's good
to hear.

Oh, yeah. Since I heard about yours,
I've run into two other people who've

it, and their post is fine.

Terrific. I understand it's quite
common, Boo.

Don't say that. You'll take all the fun
out of it.

Because I'm sure we were the head of the
faculty room, Professor.

Thank you for calling.

That was the head of the language
department at LAU.

Yeah? He thinks we're a riot. Called to
tell us how much they all enjoyed the

joke in our story on student awards.

Butchart, what are you talking about?

Well, it seems that that kid, David
Sanders, slipped one by us.

See the last award?

Down at the bottom of the list, very
tiny print.

Yeah, it's in Latin. You bet it's in
Latin. Very elegant Latin, apparently.

very inelegant sexual act.

Lou Grant will continue in a moment.

Here on A &E.

You've been there.

It's late. You've got a headache and
can't sleep.

Look, I didn't mean any harm.

It's a long, boring list of fine print
that nobody reads.

In a way, I guess I was testing to see
if anybody does read all the way down.

It was just a joke.

A joke?

That's all.

Did you get a good laugh?

You better have.

I'm afraid you've blown it as far as
working at this newspaper is concerned.

Oh, now, hey, come on, Mr. Grant.

Do you think that's a little harsh?

Yeah, well, for a joke.

A newspaper has to have the absolute
confidence of the public. People have

to be able to believe every word they
read. When you mess with that, you

undermine the whole foundation.

I'm sorry.

So am I.

You're sorry, but I'm finished.

Mr. Grant, journalism is all that I ever
wanted to do. You know that.

Just like that, it's over?

Don't say that.

Well, it's true.

Don't ever say that.

You're only 21 years old. Young enough
to learn from a dumb mistake.

And where do I go?

Lots of places.

I don't plan to broadcast to the world
what you did, but you can't do that and

work here.

You had a chance to start way out in
front, and now you're back in the pack

the rest.

You understand?

Yes, sir.

Good luck.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mr. Ryan, I came down to ask about your
surgery.

I'm going tonight. They do it tomorrow.

I see.

Yeah. The doctor says I'll be back in a
week, ten days.

Donovan will cover for me.

Speaking of Donovan, here's a terrific
idea for a feature, something Billy

handle. How are you feeling?

Are you nervous?

Sure.

Sure.

Some guy I don't know is going to cut
open my throat.

I find it hard to get that out of my
mind.

Anyhow, this feature would be a terrific
follow -up to that series we did on...

Mr. Grant.

If you will do me the courtesy of
listening, I promise I'll spare you the

burden of sympathy.

I came down here because I have
something I want to tell you.

It's so frustrating.

Having as much power as I'm supposed to
have.

And finding myself powerless to do
anything about things that really

Yeah.

It's not a particularly original
thought, but it gets me to what I wanted

say. Which is simply, anything this
paper

has or can do is yours.

If you need it.

And...

That is all I wanted to say.

This really isn't necessary. I want to
do it. The man shouldn't have to drive

himself to the hospital.

Maybe I should drive myself.

Take my mind off things.

The way animal drives will take your
mind off things.

Let's see.

Shirts.

Socks.

Underwear. Lou.

Why are you taking clothes to the
hospital?

Well, I'm not going to wear them.

He's right, Lou.

I'll use these.

That goes for shoes, too.

Well, I'll need some books and stuff to
read. What about your radio?

Great. Uh, you know, I had surgery once.
They put you in intensive care. You

can't use a radio in there.

Huh? As a matter of fact, after major
surgery, you probably won't feel much

reading either.

I'll bring that later when I bring the
radio.

What about pajamas?

I'll give you a gown. Gown? Just for
surgery. After that, you can wear

Take pajamas.

Take pajamas.

What else?

How about a toothbrush?

I should do it.

Let's put these in a paper bag.

All set? Yeah.

You're only going to be gone a week.

Right.

Right.

Listen, Billy. Yeah?

I have a spare house key. I keep it in
this envelope with everything, you know.

Got it.

I don't mean to dump all this on you,
but I don't have anybody in Los Angeles.

You've got a lot of people in Los
Angeles.

Blue Grant will continue in a moment
here on A &E.

They destroy your home from within.

Wouldn't a little scotch have the same
effect?

A lot of scotch might, but we want your
stomach empty.

If I drank a lot of scotch right now,
you'd have my stomach empty.

Good morning.

Oh, thank you. Oh, are you kidding?
Hospital pays people to do that.

I came by to keep you company.

Listen, Rossi, I appreciate it, but...
How many patients have a potential

Pulitzer Prize winner for a candy
striker? Yeah, but I'm all doped up. I

wouldn't be much company.

So? You don't have to talk. I'm just
here in case you need something.

Like what?

Who knows?

But if you want, you've got it. You
don't want to talk, we don't talk.

You can just look at me.

lose three times as many points.

Okay, contestants.

Okay, I guess you're better than that
game show.

Good morning. I thought you were alone.

Dr. Carr, Mr. Rossi. How do you do?
Would you excuse us for a second?

Why?

Oh, sure.

There's one...

unfortunate formality we have to go
through. Oh.

I apologize for this, but it's what
California calls the informed consent

Now, basically, that means that I have
to tell you everything that could go

wrong in surgery.

Oh, good.

Oh, I know it's the last thing you want
to hear, but it is the law.

Now, these are not things that are going
to happen, I assure you.

But you have to sign a form saying
you've been told all the things that

happen. Such as?

No. Damage to the parathyroid glands,
damage to the vocal cords, loss of

Loss of speech.

Mr. Grant, I've done this procedure a
thousand times and never had that happen

yet. As I say, I hate having to go
through this.

But I'm required to point out that the
incision is very close to the vocal

cords. Therefore... Something could
happen to them.

Right. I promise it won't. This is
purely for legal purposes.

Now, would you mind just signing right
over here?

Now, what you will have is a very sore
throat afterwards.

This is not from the incision.

We have to put a tube down your windpipe
to make sure your breathing is

uninterrupted. Good. I hate interrupted
breathing.

And that makes you feel pretty sore
sometimes.

There's nothing to worry about. It's
normal.

Swell. Swell.

Now, I know why they dope you up.

It's not for the operation.

It's for this discussion.

Everything okay?

Yeah, terrific.

You know, my sister knows a guy who had
the same thing.

No fooling. And you know what he says?

I don't care as long as he's able to say
something.

He feels better now than he ever did in
his life.

I keep hearing that.

Either everybody's telling me about the
same guy, or what I'm having is the most

common surgery outside of circumcision.

Will you get that?

Sure.

City desk.

No, no, no, no. You did call the right
place. This is Lou Grant's room. I was

just making a little.

Joe Rossi.

Oh, sure, put him on.

Charlie Hume.

Hi, Charlie Rossi.

Well, he's a little sedated now.

Listen, I'm expecting word on the
Pulitzer thing. Has anything?

Okay, I see.

I see.

What?

Well, that is good news.

Oh, he'll be glad to hear that.

Thanks, John. Right.

I don't have to have the operation.

They mixed up my test with somebody
else's.

No, better than that. Guess what you
just won?

A Pulitzer Prize.

Are you kidding?

What did I win?

A weekend in Vegas? What?

The Southern California Press Club made
a special award to the Trib for most

improved local reporting.

When a paper wins something like that,
it's got to reflect on the guy in

Congratulations, Lou.

Thanks.

on a Pulitzer, huh?

Oh, yeah. I didn't win.

Well, how could you not have?

Hey, everybody can. Well, I know, Joe,
but that was a hell of a series.

Great writing.

Superior writing.

You really deserved that award.

Ah, Lou.

Well, I mean it. If I'd been on that
panel, I would have given you that

You would?

You're damn right.

Gee, Lou.

Hearing you say that is better than
winning the award.

Really?

Well, no.

But it's really nice of you to say it.

And there'll be other years.

I have my whole life ahead of me.

We gone?

Hey, isn't that great about the trip?

Yeah, it sure is.

He must be really happy, huh?

Yeah. I won an award and I'm having my
throat cut.

You ever have one of those days?

You don't need that phrase.

I'm giving that information up here.

Any work in the hospital yet?

No. Surgery should be going on right
about now.

Well, I'm going to the school board
meeting. I'll check in an hour in case

get any news.

Okay.

You know, Chris, this is really good.

It's surprisingly good.

That's it?

Mr. Grant is usually a little rougher on
me than that.

How do you expect me to get good if
you're going to go easy on me?

A reporter never learned to write from
people being nice to him.

Where did you hear that?

Grant told me.

Oh. Well, he's right. I mean, you do
have a long way to go.

Yeah, well, that's more like it.

What are you going to do after college?

After college?

Aren't you in college?

I've got to finish high school first.

You're still in high school?

Who is?

He is.

What are you talking about? We don't
hire high school kids.

Well, I told him I was 18 when I applied
for the job. I just want to be a

newspaper man, Mr. Hill.

There's a lot of that going around.

He's been rewriting some copy, Charlie.
Maybe I ought to take a look at it.

Not bad.

Not bad at all. Of course, that lead
isn't quite there.

I want to clean up your syntax a little.

See?

I'm calling Dr.

Taney. Dr.

Taney says there's an emergency.

Hi.

How are you?

I'd like you to say something to me.

I can't think of anything interesting to
say.

That'll do fine.

It was the first thing I tried back in
the recovery room.

To see if I could talk.

There was never any doubt.

I can't sing, though.

Sing? I tried.

All the top notes are gone.

I can't sing.

What did you want to sing?

I didn't want to sing anything.

I just thought you should know I can't.

Why? I don't want you to sing.

Not enough.

This is as high as my voice will go.

But the rest will come back in a few
months.

Meanwhile, the operation went very well.
Everything is out, except a bit of

tissue. And that can be taken care of
later with radioactivity.

Or iodine.

As a matter of fact, yes.

I'm getting a taste for it. We have to
leave a bit on one side when removing a

thyroid. But the rest is gone, the lump
is out, and you're looking good.

I'll see you tomorrow in my morning
rounds.

Oh, I almost forgot I brought you your
paper.

They seem to be able to put one out
without you.

Just put it on top of the one the nurse
already brought.

They will come in. I was just leaving.

Well, I know.

Okay.

We brought you the paper.

How are you feeling?

I can't say.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Can you dance?

No. Never could dance, no.

But sing?

I always thought I had a really nice
singing voice.

You're still drugged, aren't you?

How are you?

It's funny.

When I came to, I automatically started
worrying about the

operation.

That moment was the greatest feeling in
the

world.

I guess it bothered me a lot more than I
admitted.

Me too.

Enough.

I get nervous when my editors hold
hands.

We just saw your doctor. He said your
operation could not have gone better.

Modest, isn't he?

It's funny. We all thought we'd bring
you the one thing you'd want the most.

I'm afraid you have four copies of this
final edition.

Seven.

Maybe I can start a paper route on this
floor.

You won't find this in them, but I
thought you might enjoy reading it.

What is it?

It's your obituary.

I, uh, wrote it myself.

Just plunked myself down at the old
typewriter and the words started

I gotta tell you, Lou, that's some of
the best writing I've done in years.

Sorry you didn't get a chance to use it.

This is a lovely room you have here.
Such a nice view.

It is lovely.

I hear on a clear day you can see the
North Wing.

This place is more like a hotel than a
hospital.

I just passed a candy store after
pushing a food tray into a guy's room.

an ice bucket with a bottle of wine in
it. Look at this menu.

Lobster bisque, souffle. I wonder if you
have to be a patient to order that.

Filet mignon, chopped liver.

I must be afraid to order that here,
huh?

Sorry.

The trouble with this place is it's so
huge, you can't find a place to park.

I had to park in the parking lot. But
for two and a half bucks, you basically

ain't got any visitors at all.

I didn't pay anything.

Where'd you park?

Let me cheat the staff spot.

You? You took my spot? That's the spot I
always use.

I was a beautiful guy, wasn't I?

You certainly were.

It was a city buried by a volcanic
eruption.

Archaeologists dig through the ruins of
the lost city of Pompeii.

on an all -new Ancient Mysteries
tonight.

Now, a veteran cop takes a rookie under
his wing on Police Story, next on A &E.