Original subtitles

Was there medical evidence that it wasn't a heart attack? No, no medical

evidence. Dislike Walter Blaine? Dislike him?

He was a pig! So he just lays it on me that dear old Walt was found stuck in

short end of an empty oxygen canister. Love to hear about his blood, Staffy.

letting his hair grow until his stepfather was dead.

Who put you in charge anyway?

That Cuban hack? I want the business. I want to buy your share.

You got your freedom and I got the business.

Swell.

How are you? Nice to see you.

Thanks for your help.

Nice talking to you.

El Flato, Chief.

That's the valve, I think.

I'll be El Flato myself, Lieutenant.

What's that?

It's new. It is new, Ed.

Brand new.

A beautiful, brand new, empty tire.

The Velma.

Would you consider accepting my resignation?

Yeah. While you're riding it out, I'll get on the horn and get it towed out of

here.

219. Right.

I want 359 -29 -588, please.

Yeah, thank you.

Don't forget you have a lunch scheduled over here.

Well, Domingo, I'm going now.

Hello. Big Sue.

Robert Ironside.

Yeah, it's me.

Where is he? He's late. I love you.

Where are you? You're late.

What are you doing there?

What is he doing where?

Quiet. What?

A tow truck?

Of course.

Are you all right?

What is it? Where is he?

Will you be still? It's all right. He's had a flat tire.

On his chair?

Just go on the call. Everything's fine. He'll be here when you get back.

I'm sorry, Chief.

Now tell me exactly where you are and I'll send Ezra right out.

I don't treat dogs.

I told you, I treat people.

Take him to a dog doctor.

You want me to lose my license?

Don't you understand, boy?

Take him to a veterinarian.

It's against the law.

What's his name?

Murphy.

Murphy.

Murphy the duck.

Take him to the bed.

I don't treat ducks.

He's not a duck.

What do you mean he's not a duck? That's a duck.

It's a merganser. He's a merganser. A merganser?

What's a merganser? A merganser? Well, he's a... He's a... He's a

kind of a duck.

Look,

I got an emergency. I gotta go.

All right.

This afternoon, five o 'clock, through the back door, not the front, you

understand?

I'm going to get this bar for a duck.

Hello, Doc.

What happened, Abel?

She came in on the radio screaming in hysterics.

Her husband apparently had a heart attack about halfway in.

I'm actually on the radio now trying to talk her down, and she missed it twice.

Okay, you're doing fine. Just don't be nervous. We'll do it just like before.

And remember, steer with your feet, with your feet. That's right. Just keep it

lined up.

Don't let the nose get down. Now pull the wheel back. Pull the wheel back.

Okay, now left rudder. Kick it left. Kick it left.

You're looking good.

Okay, now chop your power.

Pull your throttle. You're still flying.

All right, now go around. Go around. Push your throttle all the way in. Give

full power. Give it full power and get it up.

Now pull it up, lady. You're sinking. Pull it up. Pull it up.

Full power. That's right. Turn the wheel left.

Turn your wheel left. Now that was pretty good. We'll just go around once

and the next time we'll land.

She asked for you by name.

By both my patients.

Well, looks like you probably lost one.

And you may lose both.

All right, now steer with your feet. Keep it level. Keep it level. Keep it

up with the runway. You're looking good. You're looking good. Now let it go the

way it is. You're looking very good.

Looking good. Kick it left. Kick it left a little.

That's fine.

Now pull your throttle. Pull your throttle.

That's it. Back on the wheel. Back on the wheel.

You're down. Now onto your brakes.

Step on them.

Harder.

girl. You got to get out of the plane.

Come on, baby.

Walter?

You first.

I'll take care of Walter.

Swing around.

Atta girl.

Come on.

Joshua, take a ride home, will you?

The sun is waiting for her.

Then come back with Mr. Blaine.

What is it, Doc? A heart attack?

I want you to lock this plane away, Abel.

I could put it in a plane's regular hangar. Who's got the keys? They do.

That's good.

Well, I guess I could put it in a repair bay for the night. I got the keys to

that. That's good.

Thanks, Abel.

Well, how about it, Doc? Is it a heart attack?

Yeah.

No.

Maybe.

gas station. I don't know, Lieutenant.

He hasn't called in yet.

I don't know where he's gone.

Well, sure, I'll call you the minute he gets in.

Yes, Lieutenant.

Yes, I will.

Bye.

More kisses.

I guess that was Lieutenant Cardiff.

Yes, he wants to know why you didn't sign a death certificate for Mr. Blaine.

What would you like to drink?

Scotch? Rum?

Gin?

Come on, Juan.

I haven't had lunch yet.

This is your lunch.

Right. Then after lunch, you can both go out and have a few drinks. What is

that? What are you doing?

I am making you a scotch. A warm scotch.

I'll get the ice. You'll need it.

That's not scotch. Well, not yet.

You ought to see his tequila.

It's pink.

Pink tequila.

Mr. Blaine was dead, wasn't he?

Yeah.

I see.

What happened?

Well,

apparently he had a heart attack. All the regular signs.

He was up on his own plane with his wife.

I could have killed them both.

What does that mean?

It's a miracle they talked her down.

Mrs. Blaine is a nice lady, but she cannot fly a tortilla.

I cannot fly a tortilla.

What are you talking about?

Mr. Blaine had a heart murmur.

Maybe I should have grounded him. Good Lord, Juan, you checked him out just

yesterday. I mean, he had coffee nerves and a sour stomach, but that's all.

We did an EKG. His heart was fine.

What are you drinking?

Gin. But your gin has more color to it than my scotch.

Yeah, how about that?

Salute. Salute.

That'll be the day.

So why didn't you sign the death certificate, doctor?

Juan, was there medical evidence that it wasn't a heart attack?

No, no medical evidence.

Mr. Blaine, he drank a lot of coffee, you know.

Black coffee, all day long.

He even take it with him when he fly, like he did today.

Must have really bounced around during the landing. Was it rough?

Yeah, it was rough.

Guaranteed shatterproof.

Wasn't that rough.

I'm beginning to suspect there's more.

It still had some coffee in it.

And in the coffee, chlorohydrate.

I could taste it.

The minute I got to the hospital, I ran a blood test.

And you found chlorohydrate.

Yeah. Enough to put him to sleep, maybe.

But not enough to kill him.

No. What are you saying? How did he die?

Exactly. How did he die?

Ed didn't mind my driving this fine truck.

Ed was delighted.

He'll be riding the surf till midnight.

They must think very well of you to give you such a fine truck.

You know, in my country, if a man admires something of yours, you must

to him.

Because if he takes it, you kill him.

Listen, Cuban, if you're going to live in this country, you'd better learn the

language. Besides,

he's no truck.

He's a van.

He's no truck.

He's a van.

Very good.

I didn't know you spoke Spanish.

Where was the thermos?

On the floor, between his feet.

Half gone.

Almost all gone.

Did Mrs. Blaine drink a lot of coffee, too?

No. Show me. The oxygen?

The oxygen. How does it work?

Well, there are two valves.

One of them was open. I closed it.

But the tank was already empty. Tank was empty?

My reaction, exactly.

So Mrs. Blaine gave her husband oxygen, but it didn't help him and he died.

You turned the valve off on the ground.

All right? How long was it from the time she put the oxygen on till you shut it

off? About 20 minutes. Not long enough.

You agree with me, don't you?

Yep. Somebody doped his coffee, somebody drained the oxygen.

Thanks a lot, Chief.

You've been a big help.

Listen, you knew something was wrong.

All I guessed was it wasn't your fault.

Upshot, somebody else's fault.

Yeah, who?

The floor is dead.

Homicide. Has anyone said it was murder yet? You said it after you showed it to

me.

I guess that means you still hold your card in the Amateur Detective

Association.

Oh, my heart.

Well, you done what?

Play an amateur detective again?

Well,

I'd raise your arm. A death certificate, which should be on my desk, but isn't

because the medical examiner hasn't signed it yet.

I want to do an autopsy.

Why? The usual reasons.

You mean you're not satisfied with the cause of death?

Oh, I'm satisfied with the cause of death. I'm very satisfied.

But what caused the cause, huh?

Come on, Juan, you promised me a death. Marge. What?

Are you angry with me again?

Listen, I want you to meet a real good old friend of mine from San Francisco.

This is Robert Ironside.

Major Cardiff. Lieutenant.

How do you do, Lieutenant?

Mr. Ironside.

Here on a visit? Just overnight.

I'm en route to San Luis Obispo.

Really? What line of work are you in, Mr. Ironside? Well, actually... I'm

awfully sorry, but we have so much stuff to catch on and a lot of things to talk

about. Besides, I'm sure you want to be left alone with the scene of the crime.

Who said it was a crime?

Now, why did I come out here to talk with you?

I know, I know. Sign the death certificate. Stay out of your hair.

policeman and call your office the minute I know something.

This time I promise, Captain.

Do you see that gringo's face?

I'm sure you want to be left alone with the scene of the crime.

I don't think I approve of not telling him I'm a police officer.

I know, Bob. If I had done that, he would have kept you busy all day talking

shop. You didn't come here to work?

Oh, I came here to have lunch. You will.

Just as soon as we find out something.

What something?

Who killed Mr. Blaine, of course.

They seem to have one of each here.

Their business.

Run a vintage car store in town.

Things like that Packer over there sells for 30 grand today.

And their distributors for those, there are 15 bongos each.

That one is Mrs.

Blaine's.

How long was Blaine your patient?

No, since he married Laura, about four years or so.

I was her doctor before then, and of course her sons, too.

I came with a package, I guess.

Well, he was a very opinionated man.

Kind of hard to know.

A lot of people didn't dig him.

Like his stepson, Denny.

So, speaking of Denny, I prescribed some chlorohydrate for him last month.

That simple one?

Denny was spaced out.

Uppers, downers. He wanted off, so he came to me.

Now he's off.

He said he felt like his head was going up while his body was coming down.

An interesting kid.

Hello, Danny.

How's your mother?

This way to the free booze.

You're lying.

To yourself, to me, to the world. And to Walter, too.

You've had six years of lying and we both know it.

So he's dead.

Somehow it happened.

Wow.

I want the business.

I want to buy your share.

Then I want to open a place in Beverly Hills. Maybe one in Dallas.

He can't hold me back anymore.

It's not a bad day, Laura. You got your freedom and I got the business.

Good Lord, he's gone.

No more ex -All -American linebacker super jock. No more drinking ten

in the clubhouse.

No more stealing the petty cash.

No more groping secretaries and barmaids.

Teeny boppers!

Hello,

White Pack. What are you doing? Opening a free clinic?

Westcott, the partner.

Full time.

Wait a minute, why?

Why don't I talk to the boy? Why don't you see you're patient? I don't want to

intrude.

Okay, good idea.

I'm not going to ask you how you are.

sick and tired that for the next three weeks everybody you'll meet will say,

are you, Laura?

Three? No.

I'm going to ask you about the airplane, though.

I'm a medical examiner in this town. I have to make a report.

I'm sorry.

It's all right, Juan.

He, um, he kept yawning.

He said he was short of breath.

So I made him...

I made him put his mask on.

And you turned his oxygen valve on.

Did you feel sleepy or anything?

No, I felt fine. And he seemed to perk up for a time.

I don't know, a minute or so he was okay. And then he fell forward.

And the plane started going down.

And I grabbed the wheel.

Whenever it's cold, I knew enough to do that.

And the nose came up.

And... Oh, God,

I was so scared. That's fine.

Look,

did Walter have anything to

eat or drink before the flight?

Or even during the flight?

No.

No. Just coffee from the thermos after we got up. Just a little coffee.

Laura, I need your permission for an autopsy.

It's required.

It's the law.

Then why do you need my permission?

You would make it a lot easier.

Juan, you treated him.

You saw him yesterday.

Just sign the death certificate and they won't cut him up.

No.

Not till after the autopsy.

No.

Walter's had enough today. No.

I forbid it. He's had enough.

It's a female, then.

Well, don't look at me. I don't know what's wrong with the duck.

He's a merganser.

That's right. The species merges merganser, but it's not a he, it's a

See, the male has less of a crest, and his head is much darker, and he has more

white there on the rump, and the top feathers are darker, too. This is a

Ms. Murphy?

Mrs.

She's pregnant.

Yes, I can see that.

Where did you learn about ducks?

Well, it's not a duck, Chief. It's a... Never mind.

Son, there is nothing wrong.

It's just called labor pain.

So you just take her home and be kind to her, partner.

You sound like a John Wayne movie.

Who?

John Wayne.

Who's that?

Do you believe it?

Believe what?

Nobody here. The building just burnt down.

Everybody's gone to New Jersey for blueberry pancakes. Sorry.

Yes? Yes.

Yes, whom?

Oh, hi, Chief.

I was just going out the door.

You were hoping it was your basketball player.

Well, he's not my basketball player, Chief.

You're right, friend.

He belongs to the world.

Of course.

I have a job for you and Mark for tomorrow morning.

Get a pencil.

Done. A business firm named Blaine and Westcott. They run a fancy car store in

Carmel, Port of Entry, San Francisco.

Find their law firm. I want to know specifically all legal provisions in the

case of the death of either partner.

I've got it. As fast as possible, Fred.

He's inside, Doc.

Alone? No, he met a lady.

She'll be ten years older than he.

They went in together, arm in arm. It's going to be a great time.

Bye.

Did you do the post?

Yeah, my friend Cardiff got me a court order.

Well, what did he die upon?

His heart stopped.

What color hair?

The lady?

Blonde hair.

That's bad news.

All right, who is it?

The wife of the charming partner, Taffy Westcott.

Who's going what to whom?

Then what?

Well, it's a miracle.

There's this gymp cop from San Francisco wheeling along after Cuban Pete.

So he arrives in my room and lays it on me that dear old Waltz was found stuck

on the short end of an empty oxygen canister. Who would do a thing like

mean, no preamble, just zap.

Did you shortchange your stepfather oxygen -wise?

Does he actually talk like that? Is that what he said?

No. The implication is hanging there, right out front.

And what did you say?

I haven't yet.

I stalled.

I want my answer to be just right.

I get your message.

I get yours. Lord knows.

I know.

You, um, can, um, grow your hair now.

That was your pledge.

Ironside.

SFPD.

Love to hear about his pledge, Taffy.

Something like...

Not letting his hair grow until his stepfather was dead.

Excuse me.

Best banana daiquiris in the county.

I haven't had lunch, doctor.

Hey, you're right. We haven't had lunch yet.

Four banana daiquiris, please.

Four? Yes, amigo. I'm plenty sweet. We haven't had lunch.

Interesting.

What happened in that airplane this morning?

No, it did not happen in the airplane, Eddie. It happened before.

Someone wanted the planes to crash.

Just locked the gutter down.

So somebody doped his coffee to put him to sleep, and that same somebody drained

99 % of the oxygen just to be safe.

Well, they're batting 500.

Better than we are.

Drink these, you're dying.

So, you think it could be his stepson or maybe his partner?

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe one, maybe the other.

Maybe both.

Look, man, I've lost more pills than both of our doctors have prescribed.

That last batch was like nowhere.

That chloral hydrate didn't even make me yawn. They work on most people, Denny.

They worked on your stepfather.

And the plan should have gone in.

Into the sea or the mountains, leaving needless to say no evidence.

Oh, man, that would have zapped my mother, too. Well, with both of them

you'd be a very rich young man, and you'd be independent.

Or would you?

Who the hell are you?

You don't live here, you don't work here, you don't belong here.

Who put you in charge anyway? That Cuban hack?

It's his fault. He's the one that certified Walter for flying.

That's all you're doing.

Scurrying around to try to cover up for that salt water.

Bic that couldn't cut it in his own country. Now, get out of my way.

You listen to me, America. Juan Domingo graduated with honors from Harvard

Medical School, Cambridge, Massachusetts. His father was mayor of

his uncle was chief of police.

Fidel Castro threw Juan into prison for refusing to certify political executions

as natural deaths.

And when Juan Domingo broke out of Morrow Castle Prison... He got 17 other

people out with him. Now you get out of my way.

It's your lunch, Gringle.

Big talker.

Big talker? I'm a big eater.

Is there no food in this town?

That is food.

Take it.

Then follow me.

Big Sue has cooked the whole thing.

Food that followed rum. Rum is food.

Cuban soul food.

You could have called me. You know my number, I believe.

Well, I didn't want to worry you, Sue.

Worry me?

It scared the hell out of me when I heard.

Scared the hell out of Frank Palmer, too.

He was coming to the door to let the cat out, and instead the Edsel came in.

He was one surprise drinker.

We can stay here and play doctor.

Oh, wrong. We can stay here and play telephone.

Go get your coffee.

Doctor's office.

Ironside. Where are you? I love you.

You love everybody.

Yeah, yeah, he's here.

Oh, he looks terrible.

Hello, Chief.

Good morning.

How you doing?

I'm fine. Change the subject, please.

Two doctors?

Danny said they had two doctors?

They don't have two doctors. They got two houses, but they don't have two

doctors.

They have another house near Tahoe. A cabin.

A $60 ,000 cabin.

No, they don't go that much.

All right. Later.

Goodbye.

Then he said they have the doctors.

Now, why would they have the doctors?

What are you doing?

Where's the other thermos?

I don't know.

Where's the other thermos?

Did you take it?

Did I take it? Did you take it?

You want to go out and come in again?

I mean, who would steal a busted thermos?

I...

Tyrod's

been cut with some kind of saw.

That's, uh... Attempted murder, isn't it?

Oh, neat.

Dairon? Axel, 7 -8 to the way through.

Would you be interested in knowing that Blaine and Westcott carried a quarter of

a million insurance payable in the event of the death of either partner?

Payable to the company?

In other words, really payable to the surviving partner.

Well, I guess it's about time I had a little talk with Mr. Westcott.

You want to tag along?

Me.

Now, come on, Chief.

I may be a hick, but I'm not a dummy hick.

I ran a make on your plate.

Why don't you join me? Maybe between the two of us, we can wrap this thing.

Well, thank you, Lieutenant, if you think we can help.

How long to saw Tyrod 7 -8 through?

Ten, twenty minutes.

How much driving before it snaps?

Ten, twenty minutes.

Chief, you're frowning.

You're thinking and you're not telling.

A tie rod.

Seems a lackluster thing to do.

Lackluster. Could have killed him. A turnpike, fifty miles an hour, maybe.

Suburban streets at twenty -five. It's just not very competent. It's amateur.

Chief, you know as well as I do that three -quarters of the homicides in this

country are done by amateurs. Ordinary folk.

Unless you're saying it was supposed to look amateurish.

Is that what you're saying?

You're not saying.

It's nice chatting with you, Chief.

Dislike Walter Blaine?

Dislike him?

He was a pig.

Absolutely. You can ask Jeannie over there, for instance.

Dislike him?

You bet your risotto fried skinny, and you can make of it what you will.

Listen, Gilbert and Sullivan hated one another. But they worked together all

their lives.

And I thought we would. But luckily I was wrong.

And I couldn't be more pleased.

But I didn't know anything till now about foul play, to use your catchy

Or even that anyone else suspected it.

I went to see Mrs. Blaine yesterday.

We had a neat little talk.

And she threw a drink in my face.

We got along about as well as he and I did.

And then I came right here and I stayed here all day.

Ecstatic and gloating.

But I didn't kill Blaine.

And I certainly didn't try to kill that refugee doctor.

I may be many things, but I'm not that.

Only a boob cop would think I was.

You're right, Chief.

I found the other document, and he signed it, and it is on file in Oklahoma

City. Name, address, age, color eyes, color hair, the words.

Service manager says you took a very long, long shower yesterday, Warner.

Says you were gone two hours.

Says you took your own tools with you, of which this is one.

What's the matter, Warner? You got something against American cars?

Sue, I'm going to need you. Would you come around and get up on this plane?

What do you want me to do that for?

Big Sue, would you please shut up?

Come on up here and sit on that plane.

Dr. Charm.

In there.

Are you comfortable?

All right, I'll climb up.

Give me your right hand.

Freeze.

That's it. Hold it there.

Now, with your left hand, feel around behind you.

Don't look around or anything. Just feel outside.

Just feel around. You feel anything?

Nothing. Well, keep moving your hand around.

Nothing. Oh, wait.

Something.

A knob?

See what it says.

It said mixture.

Figure it out?

Yeah.

You got it figured out? Yeah.

Can you prove it?

I think so.

How?

What?

Twenty -two -five.

Twenty -three.

Twenty -three -five.

Twenty -four.

All right.

Ten seconds.

Fifteen seconds.

Twenty seconds.

That's it.

The inside's just blue at the equivalent of 24 ,000 feet.

We've arrested the mechanic.

The one who helped you.

For money, that's all. I hope that's clear.

We, uh... know you're a licensed pilot, Miss Blaine.

We found the...

Dr. Domingo found the physician that gave you the physical for your license.

And the San Francisco Police Department found the license itself on file in

Oklahoma City.

Now, you drugged your husband, took over the controls, put yourself on oxygen,

went up to 24 ,000 feet, then he died.

This happened when there's no oxygen.

What did I do wrong?

Besides killing Walter, you knew about the death certificate.

In most cases of untimely death, the autopsy is automatic, except where the

deceased has seen his own doctor within 24 hours.

Most people don't know that, but you did.

You must have been studying up on the subject.

Then on the plane, you forgot to turn your own oxygen valve off. I turned it

off. But you didn't forget to turn the fuel mixture, the master switch, and the

ignition.

Only a pilot would know that.

Then after Juan told her he wanted to do an autopsy, she got worried.

She came looking for me.

She found her thermos and she saw my car.

She got some help with that.

It was the car that really made me suspicious of her.

She was the only one that didn't know that I had half of the San Francisco

Police Department following me around asking for a free lunch.

Well, I won't tamper with anything with the Iron Bull here wheeling around.

But she never saw him.

He must have been something, Walter Blaine.

I was given no dinner last night.

I was given no breakfast this morning.

And now it's noontime.

And I see every prospect of nothing now.

So I'm going to San Luis Obispo.

And I'm going to San Luis Obispo to eat.

Now, wait a minute.

Is that all you want?

Who? Why didn't you speak up, Irosai? Here.

Food.

Oh, no.

You don't want to drive all the way down there on an empty stomach, Kringle.

You got any bourbon?

Bourbon? Have we got bourbon?

Here.

Bourbon. Green bourbon? Of course green.

Bourbon?

What do you want, purple bourbon?

Just some kind of a nut?