Original subtitles

In this issue, part one, Lady of the Evening reveals she spent many long,

nights with Chief Ironside of the San Francisco Police Department.

You really don't remember me, do you?

Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no evil.

I just signed for a package that a messenger brought me. It was a bomb. Are

still going to stay with her after what she said about you? She pays, I stay.

Mark. Yeah, Chief.

I think we've got a bomb up here.

No, no.

Chief.

Chief Ironside.

Who is this?

Chief, I know it's late, but I just had the call to tell you.

Who is this?

What is it you want?

I want to tell you that I'm sorry.

Can you forgive me?

Forgive? Chief, please forgive me. What are you talking about?

Look, I forgive you, madam. Now, please forgive me. I'm trying to get some

sleep.

Oh, please, please forgive me.

I know you can.

Oh, good morning, Chief. Good morning, Ed.

Chief Ironside and Detective Brown are here, Commissioner.

Won't you go right in, Chief? The Commissioner's waiting just for you.

I'm bothered.

Yes, Commissioner?

They say there's one picture.

It says a thousand words, and I doubt if you subscribe to this ignominious semi

-monthly publication.

In this issue, part one, Lady of the Evening reveals she spent many long,

nights with Chief Ironside of the San Francisco Police Department.

Be sure and buy our next issue in two weeks.

Read part two. We promise to answer the who and what.

What friend did Chief Ironside watch die and did nothing to help?

And who is the missing actor the San Francisco Police Department hasn't

to look for because they don't even know he has disappeared?

Shame, shame, San Francisco Police. Place your subscription now and keep up

the bare truth.

Bob, we're not interested in your personal life, but we are interested in

finding out if an actor has disappeared, and if he has, under what

circumstances. And I want to know before the next edition of this magazine hits

the stands. I will not have my department ridiculed by this

Inconsequential? Whatever you call it. Robert, this is your baby. Or should I

say your lady?

Please, please forgive me.

That's all it is.

A bit come online on the cover and inside a four -column spread of air.

But, man, they make it sound like you were whispering it all to some deep

-breathing mama in the throes of passion.

Does that bug you? If they never say you're in the company of a woman, they

quietly off the libel hook.

Legal distortion.

This lead lines the next issue about you watching some friend die.

That's true.

Now you are diving me.

The magazine made a factual statement. It's neither planted nor misstated.

Odd that someone should know.

I never told that incident to a living soul.

I know it's a raunchy thing to ask a friend.

This is Larry Gates.

We do work together.

So I thought we'd take a gun together at our first double date.

Bob, you're the only friend I have in the world.

And I gotta have one friend out there watching.

Just one friend.

Or I won't make it.

Please.

For God's sake, please.

Come on, Bob.

Just this once.

Sure thing.

Just this once.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no evil, for thou

art with me.

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou shalt prepare a table before me against those that trouble me.

Thou hast anointed my head with oil, and my cup...

Look, Chief, there's got to be some sort of explanation.

Adding more won't change the truth.

All right, then. And the woman? Blonde brunette.

I don't know.

Although she knows enough about my past that I feel I should know her.

Have her shot or go around the block.

Have her shot what?

The offices of Bare Truth magazine.

That's all right. Let me off at the corner. Don't you want us to... Right.

We can take a hint.

Thank you.

My name is Ironside.

I have an appointment with Mr. Smith.

That's Ms.

Smith, if you don't mind.

I don't mind.

And if you'll do me another favor and omit the cliches of what is a nice girl

like you doing in a business... I promise not to call you a nice girl.

I'm well aware of why you're here.

I will give you credit for some degree of common sense. You haven't said libel

yet. I haven't. Yet.

But then I haven't had a chance to say much of anything.

Yet. I hope you're cognizant of the fact that I'm not a novice. I know my

business. And you do not disclose your sources of information.

Right.

If you think you got stung in this issue, just wait till you see the next

We have detailed your life from A to Z.

Z, that's for Zola, your teddy bear.

Yes.

I had a teddy bear named Zola.

You know, I'm flattered by all this attention, and I am curious as to how

found out these things about my personal life.

But I can't help feeling that there are others much more worthy of your

consideration. Oh, there are. The whole San Francisco Police Department, for

example. Oh, yes.

Famous actor who allegedly disappeared. Not just allegedly, Chief Ironside. In

fact.

I'd like to let you read the galleys of the next issue, but I think it's high

time that the department did its own work.

The police department does its own work. And it even makes a mistake now and

then.

But it doesn't deserve to be held up to ridicule by... It does if it makes

ridiculous mistakes.

All I do is print them. I am in the business of selling magazines.

What a pity, Miss Smith.

That you're not in that business anymore.

magazine, but it smells like weak old garbage.

In this stack, we have ads on how to develop whatever you have that's

underdeveloped. This stack tells you how to take off what's overdeveloped. And

here are embarrassing moments in the lives of well -known people, including

yourself.

Lots of sauce, not much meat.

Here's some meat.

M .J. Smith's first teddy bear was named Woo -Woo.

So, the lady has a chink in her arm.

Thank you.

We found out who our missing actor is, Grant Richards.

According to gossip columns, he was, and I quote, a hot property about five

years ago. Since then, his career has been sliding rapidly downhill.

He's reported to be living twice as fast as his fame has declined.

End of quote.

Married? To a very wealthy older woman.

Whereabouts unknown?

Both of them.

I would like you and Fran to find out where Richards lives and check it out.

Mark, you stay here and do a follow -up. We need to know the name of the person

that wrote those articles.

And since M .J. Smith holds the key to that information, I'm going to try a new

approach.

You're going to be pleasant?

Better than that, I'm going to be galah.

I always wanted my magazine to be a blast. I guess I got my wish.

But that's not how I wanted it.

Do you want to sit down?

I didn't realize that anybody took the magazine so seriously.

After you read past the first cover, it's supposed to be a diversion.

Some publicity for a personality whose career needed boosting.

Or to cut him down to size.

I know it's difficult for you right now, but while the details are still fresh

in your mind... There's not really very much to tell. I just signed for a

package that a messenger brought me.

My office phone was ringing. I ran to answer it. I inadvertently handed it to

boy to open.

It was a bomb.

They say that he may lose his head.

Why the visit?

You know, they say you can never find a cop when you really need one.

I don't think you need a cop.

I think you need a drink.

is obviously yours.

To, uh... I...

I

need your help.

I've got to know who did this horrible thing.

If I'm any way responsible for what happened to that boy.

Come on now. You know what they say about too many tears?

Yes.

That you're crying for yourself.

But sometimes the hurt goes so deep.

Sure it does.

Of course you know.

Whatever you may think of my magazine, attempted murder is not part of the job.

It doesn't take much of an intellect to realize that there's more involved here

than a few insinuating stories in a flashy magazine.

I want to know why.

Maybe she can answer some of your questions.

Is this your lady of the night?

Don't you remember?

You should.

After all you've spent a lot of long, lonely... Check, please.

The Richards' home?

Are you the police detective in the closet? Yes, sir.

And her?

Policewoman. Policewoman?

What do they think of this?

Well, come on in.

Sorry to keep you waiting, but you get that. Thank you.

I don't move too good now.

Frankly, I think you made a trip for nothing.

This is usual for the Richards.

They're always taken off at the drop of a hat. Oh, and here they're young.

That's why they don't keep regular help. Just me.

Of course, I'm not too much use now.

You've worked for the family a long time?

More years than you've been around, young lady.

Yeah, they've been very good to me. I nearly died about six months ago.

Stroke crippled my whole right side.

How long have they been gone?

Four. Oh, no, maybe closer to five weeks.

Could it be six?

No, I'm pretty sure it's about five weeks. They left late one night and took

little sports car.

They didn't even leave a note?

Well, they've been working for the same people as long as I have. There's no

need. When they're not here, they're gone.

And when they're gone, I just keep an eye on things. May we, uh... Oh, yeah,

sure. Help yourself.

Uh, if you need me... Just ring the intercom.

I still think you're wasting your time.

Well, you look like the outdoor type. You take the grounds and I'll look

inside.

Oh, and we'll meet in the drawing room with tea time.

Doo doo doo.

Down by the tennis court.

Well, a couple of earthquakes we had cracked it so bad it couldn't be fixed.

then a heavy rain made a mud hole out of it.

Turned out to be a death trap for Miss Richard's dog.

How long has it been since you've been down by the tennis court?

Well, let's see. I haven't been down there since... Well, it was before my

stroke. Then you didn't know the pool had been filled in.

No, I didn't know that.

But, you know, I'm not really surprised to hear it.

Miss Richards was all broken up about her dog, and she said she wanted to have

that nasty thing filled in.

I suppose they must have done that while I was in the hospital.

You have no idea when it was done?

Well, not exactly.

It's been since I was sick, so it must have been the last six months.

I see.

There's something terribly wrong here.

Have you been upstairs?

Oh, miss, I can't climb those stairs.

What is it? Is something missing?

No, it's not what's missing.

It's what's there that's so wrong.

You're not trying to tell me that something is really happening.

Ed, call a doctor.

No, no, just get a pill out of that bottle there and put it in.

out of my tongue.

I still think we should call the doctor.

No. No, that's not necessary.

Just take a minute.

Mr. Perkins, we're going to have to make a thorough check of the area where the

pool was filled in.

Well, you do whatever you think best.

Go ahead.

Let's find out one way or the other as quick as we can.

as necessary.

Much too convenient for coincidence.

Right. Mark will stay in constant contact.

Good. Good. As soon as you know something.

Agatha March.

May I speak to you?

Yes. Come in.

MJ called and sounded very upset, but she wouldn't explain.

Would you like a cup? A cup of coffee or can I get you a drink?

It was you.

You called me yesterday morning.

Yes. Why? I don't even know you.

You don't recognize me?

Not at all?

You really don't remember me, do you?

Nobody does.

A life of touch and be touched.

And nobody remembers.

Apparently, lack of memory is not one of your shortcomings.

Somehow, you've been able to come up with things about my past that even I've

forgotten.

She shouldn't have given you my name. But it was all right for you to invade

privacy with stories that are part truth and part... They're all truth.

How do you know?

How do you know about Grant Richards?

I'm very close to Grant Richards.

As close as you claim to have been with me?

I was in love with Grant Richards.

I thought by selling stories about prominent people, I could make a lot of

and maybe even get him away from his rich wife.

I'm being perfectly honest.

If no one ever loved you in your whole life... Well, I dreamed of a bestseller.

Movie rights.

Fame. Fortune, love.

All I ever got was a few dollars from the... from the magazine.

I feel sorry for you.

Well, I'm sorry, too.

Sorry I didn't make enough money to buy what I wanted.

My dear Chief Ironside, your moral judgment is showing.

And you haven't the right.

Because you're part of the reason for what I've become.

Miss Mott, I do not recall ever having even met you.

Well, you have.

Six years ago.

Were you in love with me, too?

It was... It was a kind of love, yes.

I remember one night.

Go on.

Oh, but there were lots of nights.

And lots of people.

I gave and gave and gave.

Till there was nothing left.

And what did I get in return?

Nothing. Not love, not... Well,

at least Grant Richards is where he wants to be.

How I know what I know is my business.

Now, all I want to do is be left alone.

It's my business when it concerns me, and I think that package concerns us

Now, put it down.

Right there.

Move out of the room.

Get the elevator.

Mark.

Mark! Yeah, Chief?

I think we've got a bomb up here.

Now, call the bomb squad.

I'll get Miss Mott downstairs and then start clearing the building.

Right. I'll give you a hand as quick as I can.

Go ahead.

Don't worry. I'll survive.

I know you will.

You've done it before.

Please listen to me.

Live, live, live.

Oh, please live.

Isn't that where you were when I saw you last about eight hours ago?

Approximately. Well, maybe there's something that you forgot.

Like going to bed. I've been visiting. Who?

Old friends from the past.

You know, the uninvited guests who come early and stay late. Yeah, I'm hip and

leave you with no sleep. And a splitting headache.

All right, then. Coming up, one black coffee and one aspirin.

Agatha Moss.

You all got your own up, huh?

It astounds me that I had no recollection of her face.

And yet she was involved with one of the most important nights of my life.

Okay.

Good morning, Keith.

Oh, good morning, Fran.

Fran. I would like you to go to the magazine office and read back issues,

question MJ, and put together a list of all persons that have grievances.

Yes, sir.

Goodbye, sir.

Chief, I... I... Yep.

Right. Thank you.

There were no deliveries made by any professional service to the addresses

involved. I didn't think there would be.

Get a couple of blow bars, please.

What are you going to do?

See if we can get this thing open.

A bulletin just came over the news.

They found Grant's car.

Now look, Agatha.

I'm here as a friend. I want to help.

I'm beyond help.

I just don't care anymore.

And you know what?

There's only one thing I've done in all my life. That's be a nurse.

I never went anywhere.

I never did anything.

Just work, that's all.

I had to get out of the rut, so I quit the hospital.

Then I went to work for Mrs. Richards.

Seems her caretaker has suffered a stroke.

I lived with the house because I was on a 24 -hour call.

I met Grant Richards the first day.

How could a dumb, brittle old maid keep from falling in love with an exciting,

fascinating, and handsome star?

What had I ever done but listen to the...

Delirious ramblings of the sick and the dying.

People talking their hearts out.

Whispering their most sacred thoughts in those lonely, quiet hours before dawn.

Talking to an unseen priest in red and white.

Secrets of a night nurse.

Publishers would pay big money for the private thoughts of the socially

prominent.

And it was Grant Richards who suggested bare facts?

Oh yes, Grant made it sound like fun.

In fact, he'd even devised a scheme where he could get publicity in the

which would be just the thing to help his career.

But more importantly, I would have everything I ever dreamed of.

I overlooked one little thing.

Grant Richards was already married.

Now, I hired a nurse, not a companion for my husband. Now I want you out of my

house.

Leaking advent.

That's not true.

Grant's going to have his career again. It's going to be bigger than ever. Oh,

career. What career?

The only foreseeable career.

this all so seriously, honey.

You're still my girl. You know how she is.

No, I don't.

Are you still going to stay with her after what she said about you?

You know how it is.

You're a big girl.

I'm not that big.

She pays, I say.

I became the leftover garbage from somebody else's picnic.

What went wrong?

Somebody died. That's what went wrong.

And now that he's dead... Hello?

Yes, yes. For you.

Ironside?

Yes.

Yes, thank you.

I will.

There's a report from the coroner's office.

They have no identification yet.

Well, I guess that's my cue to say I did it or something.

Because it looks very much like I'm first in line.

because she's not guilty.

Have you become oblivious to the facts which are one?

In spite of the fire and the decomposition, the coroner's report

two had been dead for several weeks. And? And just four days ago, a woman

impersonating Mrs.

Richards entered the bank and collected a large final payment on an annuity.

Only one thing.

Mrs. Richards was already dead.

Assume dead until the coroner makes positive identification.

Assume dead.

then the woman who was passing herself off as Mrs. Richards had to be Agatha

Mott. Two. Motive? A lover's quarrel. Which leads us to number three.

Agatha Mott was almost insured of the fact that the bodies would not be

discovered because, I don't know if you're aware of it, Chief, not everybody

two swimming pools.

Four.

How do you know she's innocent?

I know because I know.

Now prove it.

It's confirmed.

The coroner's office has definitely established the identity of the woman's

as that of Mrs. Richards.

Also, I checked the hospital reports on the caretaker.

He's absolutely in the clear. The hospital records and the doctors concur

he had been hospitalized for a long duration and was still suffering from

paralysis to the right side.

Would you like the honor or shall I bring her in?

I would like the honor.

Now, why do you say it that way? Because.

Because.

Because.

Because.

Because. Why is the sky blue? Because.

Why is the grass green?

Because. Why do I put up with such a stubborn man?

Because.

He gets so upset.

Oh.

On that list of disgruntled people involved in the magazine articles.

Well, you're not going to believe this, but MJ showed me the records.

And in most cases, the people involved in the articles were the same people who

supplied the information.

And no kidding, they all just wanted publicity.

Of course, they acted shocked and denied it when confronted.

About the Richards, there just wasn't anyone who could have been connected

them, except Agatha.

Fran, bring Agatha in.

I'm afraid I've stalled as long as I can.

Sure.

Where's Ed? He's checking on the trucking company that we used to fill in

pool.

Unpleasant tasks done quickly are still unpleasant tasks.

I sure hope you got a nice piece.

The evidence is stacked against Agatha.

All I have is a sound in my head.

I remember Agatha's voice reaching down into the depths, pulling me back up to

life.

At a moment when it would have been so easy to relax and slip away, she gave

me the energy, the anger.

To fight.

To live.

Live.

That's how I know Agatha never killed anyone.

And never could.

And Mark, I'll stake my life on that.

Again.

Right? Yeah.

Which truck? Which man? And where's the accident?

Sorry, no truck, no man, no accident. I talked to your secretary earlier. She

said you might be able to give me some information about a job you did at this

address about four or five weeks ago.

Sure, sure thing. You bet.

I could complete records.

Here it is, Richard's.

Richard was the one that rented the truck.

Should all be there, day, time, full thing.

Description? Oh, about 5 '6". Light complexion.

Skimmy. Real skimmy.

Dark, longish hair.

Color of eyes?

Couldn't tell. Had on sunglasses.

Any marks, scars?

No, none that I can recall.

One thing, though, it was no secret that truck was rented to fill in an old

swimming pool.

All right. Thanks very much for your help.

Sure. Anything I can do to help the police department.

Sure.

Hey, wait a minute.

What'd you say?

Well, I know you took a spaceship, but I don't remember you asking if it was a

man or a woman.

You see, I sort of assumed we were talking about men.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought.

You mean... I thought I hadn't mentioned it.

But yeah, you're right.

It was a woman.

Sometimes it's hard to tell them apart these days.

But I swear it was a woman behind those big sunglasses.

You don't see them often.

Lady truck drivers, that is.

Thanks, again.

Mark, call Agatha's apartment.

If they're still there, ask Fran to find out if Agatha has ever driven a truck.

Chief, she doesn't even have a driver's license.

When I check, I check.

It just doesn't hang together.

Attempts made in the lives of two women.

The disappearance and apparent murders of an eccentric couple.

A couple that traveled a great deal.

They are buried in an old swimming pool on the grounds of their estate. No one

knows about it, not even their caretaker.

That's about all of it.

Not quite.

Chief Irontide?

This is my assistant, Mark Tanner.

I'm sorry to be so slow, but I'm still awkward on this blasted crutch.

Not like your own legs, you know.

Yes, I guess you know.

Well, come in.

I dislike disturbing you like this. No, no, it's all right. I'm just having a

bite of supper.

You know...

This whole thing has been really heartbreaking for me.

With them dead and all, I don't really know what to do.

Most of my life spent right here.

I don't know where to go.

Well, you're not here to hear an old man complain about his life.

What can I do to help?

Did Mr. or Mrs. Richards have any close relatives that you know about?

Oh, Miss Richards has a twin sister, but she lives in Hawaii.

Oh, I almost forgot about that nephew of Mr. Richards.

He's one of those long -haired boys.

Looks more like a girl than a boy.

Either of them visit here lately?

Yeah, the boy came now and again to borrow money from Miss Richards.

He thought he was doing it on the sly, but I knew.

What was his name?

You know his address?

Am I, darling? I think maybe I do.

I'll just have to see if I can find it for you.

Well,

I

don't seem to be able to find it.

You said the pool was filled sometime in the past six months, but you didn't

know exactly when.

According to Ed, the equipment used to fill the pool was rented five weeks ago,

after you'd gotten out of the hospital.

Yes, well, I don't... I don't see... Where are my pills?

Even if you couldn't move around much, you should have at least heard the pool

being filled. But I think you can move around more than you let on. I don't

think your right arm is paralyzed at all.

from the ghetto.

Take care.

I

may

be an ego -ridden, money -hungry, debauched human being.

But Grant Richards was never a bad actor.

No, he weren't. And you had us all fooled.

But now the play's over.

I know.

It's that, um, that, uh, Puffer Billy.

The train that says, I think I can.

I know I can.

Right?

Good evening.

Right over there.

Split.

Uh,

good idea. A movie. How about that? The one I really want to see. What movie?

The movie.

Oh, I need my jacket.

Here's your jacket.

I thought you might be hungry.

My dear young woman, I don't even know your first name.

Try Mary Jane?

Mary Jane?

Bon appétit, monsieur.