Original subtitles

Please stay in line, ladies.

Please stay in line. Dr. Walcott only has a minute more.

Please stay in line.

This is not a cattle drive, Henry. Why don't you go take inventory or count

money or however you waste your time?

Right on, sister.

I thought so, too.

Thank you for coming.

You're welcome.

My husband and I had an argument about your article in the paper, Miss Walcott.

And he says that you don't like men. Is that true? I mean, that you don't? Well,

I think men are fabulous, dear.

I just wouldn't want my brother to marry one.

Remember me?

Why, yeah.

Four seats, second row.

My seminar on women's rights.

You were the child that asked all the impertinent questions.

I wasn't sure you'd remember. I remember everything.

Even the things I'd rather forget.

Would you?

Of course.

We must have lunch.

There's a charming restaurant near my apartment.

Terrible food, but miraculous martinis. I'd love to.

Can I give you a lift somewhere? No, thank you. My secretary's picking me up.

Goodbye, Doctor.

Do call me, child.

Oh, I will. My number's in the book.

Well, we didn't do too badly. I think your new book's going to be a smash, Dr.

Walcott. It will if you move that display closer to the window.

Only a giraffe could see it from the street.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

It's kind of flattering.

I haven't been showing that to Mrs. Perry for a while.

And in September, when we received the second threatening letter, I again asked

the department to protect Miss Wilkins.

Jerry. And again, they said they didn't have the manpower to provide it.

Yes, ma 'am. I would like to know whether it requires attempted murder for

police to recognize that some sort of positive action must be taken.

I wish I knew, ma 'am. Well, somebody must know.

Jerry, stop needling the young man.

Berate the higher powers if you must.

of whoever it was.

I'm sure they'll find him. How partial?

Medium height, Caucasian, dark hair.

Oh, great.

At least 200 ,000 possible suspects, including me, for that matter.

Francis, Jerry Sandell, my secretary, conscience, and keeper.

Miss Belding. How do you do?

How do you do? I was just telling Andrea that... Well, never mind.

Lieutenant, I demand that Miss Walker be given adequate police protection.

I'm sure we can arrange it, ma 'am. I'll check with headquarters and we'll try

to get a couple of men.

Forget it.

I simply will not have anyone traipsing around after me.

If I were 25, it might be interesting.

But that's hardly the point.

You should have some kind of protection.

Horse radish.

Somebody just tried to kill you.

Well, they missed.

They don't even care.

Of course I do.

In an abstract sort of way. But if someone is really serious about trying

stop me, they'll manage it one way or the other.

Let's have lunch today.

I'm simply damaged.

Well, I'd be delighted.

But there's something I have to talk to you about first.

Why, certainly.

Jerry, there's a mammoth pile of correspondence at the house.

You think you can get to it before supper?

Right.

Ms. Walcott, one more question, please.

Can you think of anyone who might dislike you enough to want to try to

Well, I certainly hope so.

They must be scared of them.

Do you think I've lived the life of a saint all these decades?

South food kicks or something?

No, it's good for you. You'll like it.

You mean it takes time to cook something and you're much too busy these days,

huh? No, I got some hamburgers.

Never mind.

What's that, a scarf?

No, it's macrame. It's just a design.

Mm -hmm.

Did you stop by for a beer on the way home?

What's with you? You check it up on me?

No, I was just asking, honey.

Oh, I was just asking, honey.

You know, you and me used to have some good times together, April, remember?

Look at you now.

Wasting your time tying string into knots like that.

You don't even go bowling anymore.

I don't enjoy it anymore, Augie. I want to bowl.

I want to try different things.

Creative things.

You want to do something creative?

Wash the dishes.

Bake a cake.

You've been spouting this junk ever since you started reading books like

If you bothered to read it, you might learn a little something yourself.

I know plenty.

I know this wacky broad is ruining every decent marriage in the country.

You sound like a total idiot.

You asked for it, April.

Here, April, take your Bible back.

Anybody know where Fran put the Dickerson file?

I put out an APB on it at 9 .30.

Chief, have you ever watched how Fran puts a new ribbon in this machine?

Men over my head.

You're a policeman.

You're supposed to be able to figure things out.

If you can't handle a simple filing system or an everyday typewriter, this

city's in large trouble.

Who got me this report? It's the wrong one.

You got it yourself.

You got it yourself.

Where did you manage to hide it?

Mark, Ed, I'd like you to meet Andrea Wolcott, Officer Mark Sanger, Sergeant

Brown. Hello.

How do you do?

Chief, may I introduce Andrea Wolcott.

Dr. Wolcott, my favorite Aunt March for you in Times Square.

She says you should be the first woman president.

Thank you.

She is right. Chief.

An hour ago, someone tried to shoot Dr.

Wolcott outside the book barn. He missed entirely, I might add. He also got

away. I thought as long as I'm not really busy. It comes down to this,

Ironside. Some well -intentioned people seem to feel that I need protection.

I tried to talk them out of it. I dislike being shadowed. But persistent

they wouldn't give up. If it's all right with you, I'd like to volunteer for the

job. It would mean staying with Dr. Wilcott for a while.

You really don't need me on the Dickerson case.

I'd just be typing reports.

Is that how you gentlemen operate?

Miss Belding does the typing and you do the police work?

Well, let's not oversimplify the issue.

It's true, isn't it?

No, it really isn't. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Miss Belding is a police officer, and her duties should be no different than

yours.

If you want a secretary, I will be happy to refer you to a good employment

agency.

I think we'd better go, dear.

We seem to have stumbled onto a clutch of closet journalists.

I didn't think there was a bullet made that could crease that hide of yours.

That is, in fact, if somebody was actually shooting at you.

Now, what'd you do?

Hire somebody to take pot shots at you to publicize that scandalous book of

yours? You scamp.

As for scandal, wait until you read volume two.

Well, fortunately, my taste in literature will prevent that. Your

your manners, is non -existent. I take it you two know each other.

Forgive me.

My nephew, Ted Moresby.

How are you?

Never felt more alive.

Good. I want to make sure she stays alive.

The idiot purpose escapes me at the moment, but... I've already assigned

Belding to Dr. Wolcott.

Why, thank you.

Your arm, dear boy.

This is Officer Bell?

Obviously.

And you are a sexist pig.

I'd say it's Dr. Wolcott's ball game.

By a field goal.

Yeah.

Oh, wow, I forgot to get Fran to change the typewriter of it.

We'll table the Dickerson case for the time being.

But what for?

Aside from the fact that we can't find one of the files.

The attempt on Dr. Wolcott's life is a more serious matter.

And if she's in danger, so is Fran.

That is utterly ridiculous.

I can assure you that Miss Walker will contact her attorney if you persist in

your intention.

Goodbye.

You can't imagine the number of people who want to exploit Andrea.

I guess it's the price of notoriety.

Tried to convince her to get an unlisted number, but she refuses.

You must get a lot of crank calls.

Not to mention the obscene ones.

I hope my coffee isn't too unforgivable.

On the contrary.

I'll get it.

Is Dr. Wool caught up yet? Oh, since six o 'clock.

She discovered a new toy.

Yes? I'm Marcus Lowell, Andrea's publisher.

Good morning.

You certainly make a pleasant addition. How do you do? Fran Belding, I'm pleased

to meet you.

Would you be the police officer Andrea mentioned to me?

Yes. Allow me to present my son, Martin.

Good morning. How do you do?

Please come in. We're just organizing breakfast.

I've done it. Look.

Pure alpha on the oscilloscope.

You have to do it to appreciate it. It's all a thing now.

Hello, Martin. How are you, dear?

Have we all been introduced?

We've come for your manuscript.

Jerry, would you be a brick and go and get volume two?

Now, you, Marcus.

You must try this. Oh, no, no.

It would be just the thing for those ancient ulcers of yours. Here.

And you will particularly profit from this, Martin. It'll take your mind off

those frightful stocks and bonds of yours.

Now, you will have to stop conceptualizing entirely.

Stop thinking.

I'll turn into a Brussels sprout.

Nonsense. You'll become a healthy, relaxed human being.

It's not been proved yet that it works.

What have you got to lose?

Never a dull moment. She has fantastic energy.

It is a little frightening.

You must be used to it.

Nobody gets used to it.

Andrea, the folder's missing. Did you put it someplace else?

Of course not. I knew exactly where it was two days ago. I've looked

It's gone.

Don't you have a carbon?

No, I write by hand.

There was only the original.

Why would anyone want to take it?

Yes, Fran.

How complete is that list?

Fine.

Good work.

Magnificent. Now, what's your schedule for the rest of the day?

She's giving a lecture this afternoon.

There'll probably be a large audience.

Dr. Wolcott's quite a drawing card.

I can imagine.

Stay as close to her as possible.

We'll keep in touch.

Authors, photographers,

publishers, biofeedback technicians, over 30 people in and out of there in

past couple of days.

Any one of them could have ripped off that book.

Would you please run off a copy of that?

Check. Anything else?

Yeah.

How about some fresh air?

She was a child prodigy of sorts, accomplished musician, painter, took a

from Radcliffe.

Charter member of the Roaring Twenties, Pulitzer Prize winner for journalism in

Spain. The list is endless.

She is a character.

By that you mean an astonishing person, I quite agree.

Now, according to the report, our sniper was positioned there.

me for, mate.

What are you doing here?

Just looking for a quiet corner where I can find peace with myself.

Why did you run?

I thought it was the bulls. They don't think to my kind.

Hardly a hole in hell they won't crawl in to keep a man from having himself

apply a snort.

Offensive to a little tokay?

Not when we're on duty. We are the police.

When was the last time you were up here?

Well, I couldn't have got here more than

Fifteen minutes ago?

Never been here before?

Nope. I ain't coming back neither. I can promise you that.

Where were you yesterday morning, 11 .15?

In the tank.

City Hall. I can prove it, too.

Not half bad beef stew, but hell for company.

You just come up here for the view?

To be honest, they say that I did.

It's for the privacy.

That way I don't have to share it with the other folks.

I can understand your reluctance. Come on, Mark.

You ain't going to bust me?

No.

Hey, what is it you're looking for?

Anything that'll help us. We're investigating a shooting.

If you want, maybe I can give you a hand.

Old Flash used to be a bull, you know.

You were?

Yes, sir.

Back in 1935.

Badge 314, I used to be a bull. with the Pinkertons.

Of course, the world's gone and got itself all fouled up since them days.

You wouldn't believe the old trash was a bull now, would you?

Trash? That's your name? People call me that.

There isn't a stiff on the bum of them here in Seattle that don't know me.

Verified.

or at the door?

She was the good friend of my grandmother's, you know. I'm not

May we talk or am I interrupting?

Both.

You've come to ask questions about grandmother, haven't you? Yes, please.

name's Ed Brown.

I've seen cool to you. It's

because grandmothers always maintain that the law and its practitioners

infringe on one's personal liberties.

Such as the freedom to go horseback riding with no clothes on.

I'm inclined to agree with her.

Will you let me know when I start infringing?

I will.

You'd like to know about the attempt on my grandmother's life.

I can't help you.

When the incident occurred, I was at the university. I assumed you would have

asked. I would have tried to be tactful.

Tact is a bore.

Directness is much more rewarding. It seems to be one of your talents.

You have a nice manner.

I'm sure it makes it easier for you to pry information from people.

I hope I don't pry.

However, I do depend on information.

Who might have tried to shoot your grandmother?

Twenty million male chauvinists.

You sound like her.

They say I love grandmother.

What's more, I like her.

Do you think of any other motive for the shooting aside from ideology?

Well, there's always money.

Grandmother's quite wealthy despite her chronic spending habits.

When my parents died several years ago, she changed her will, leaving everything

equally divided between me and my cousin Ted Moresby and two other cousins who

are paleontologists in Brazil. However, I prefer grandmother to the inheritance.

Can you speak for your cousins?

Well, I'm sure you'd much rather have them speak for themselves. Oh, they

but I'd much prefer talking to you.

Any other questions?

Well, not in a professional capacity.

Did I ever tell you you're a good -looking woman?

Got a good face.

Nice chest.

Makes okay.

You do a man proud.

I don't know, Augie.

It's hard to trust what you say.

No, I'm serious. You and me ought to talk.

All day long you don't say a word. Now the lecture starts in ten minutes.

But we never talk, honey, anymore.

Oh, yes, we do.

I mean, you talk about what you expect of me, and you just keep talking until I

do what you say.

Now, look.

A man works his tail off eight, nine hours a day. Now, all his life, he does

this.

Now, don't you think that gives him the right to be the king of his own castle?

You've always been the head, Miles.

So why don't you quit this garbage and listen to me?

Why are you so afraid?

Look, this Walcott broad is a very dangerous human being, April.

Either that troops like her run around is a disgrace.

But first she's going to get her hooks into your brain, and then she's going to

pervert you sexually, I'm telling you.

Listen, just come on in with me to the lecture, and you're going to see how

wrong you are. What can you get from this woman's liberation? Stuff that you

can't get from me. I don't know. It's hard to explain. I guess it's a sense of

identity.

You can put your identity on a leash and walk it home.

I have to go in now.

It's a sellout. Standing room only.

As it should be. Oh, and this came for you.

Read it to me, dear.

Well?

I won't miss next time.

Make your peace with God.

No description of who left it. No fingerprints.

Nope.

Chief Ironside's office.

All right. Thank you.

The other beneficiaries of Dr. Wolcott's will are supposed to be in Brazil. That

call confirmed it.

We want suspects. They're out.

Ted Moresby?

Still checking on him.

Coral is also out.

I was with her from 8 .30 to 12 last night. Your dedication to duty is

inspiring.

Check out Moresby for both days.

Um, what about a kook? Somebody who figures to solve all the world's

knocking Dr. Walcott off.

That's a possibility which should have kept you from getting any sleep last

night. It did me.

Jerry, could you spare us the concerto? It's quite grating. Oh, I'll get it.

Where did you buy this strudel?

Gelman's. It's not fit for pigs.

Is there anything else I can do, Doctor?

Not a thing, child.

And I do appreciate your asking.

Well, in that case, I think I'll write some letters.

By all means.

On second thought, maybe I'll take a walk.

Of course.

You've driven the poor girl out.

Your rudeness is unforgivable.

And what have you done all morning except talk about in that atrocity

wearing snapping orders like a Borgia? My rudeness.

My actions are not in question. By the way, where were you last night?

I have a private life, Andrea. What I do with my own time is not... You don't

believe I was responsible for last night's threat?

I merely seek the truth.

There being no local oracles, I must consult with mortals. You suspect me? Of

course not. But it is true that you do not admit your ambivalence toward me or

your envy.

You hide like an ostrich from your emotions.

Well, what would you suggest?

That I follow your example, spread myself over three continents, leaving

wherever I go? Havoc?

I am as harmless as a fly in amber. You're as dangerous as any predator that

ever lived.

Not until this moment have I realized the extent of your venom. I have devoted

every waking hour of the last ten years to helping you, humoring you, believing

in you.

I know you well. And one thing is consistent. Whenever things go wrong,

punish me.

If that is true, it follows that you wish to be punished. I do not keep you

in chains.

You do have a certain talent.

It needs development, of course. But it could be peddled in the marketplace.

Except for one thing.

You have no courage.

Your life with me has saved you from confronting yourself from the

of failure.

In spite of whatever faults I may have, I was willing to live.

Yes, you were.

And it becomes clearer every day that the end of your life is the beginning of

mine.

there, Missy?

Come up to take a gander at the orchids, have you? Who are you? What are you

doing here?

I... I'm a... I'm a caretaker.

That should be easy to verify.

I'm sure the manager... Please, Missy, don't turn me in.

Look, this is my only friend in the whole world.

This bottle and me just came up here to talk over old times.

Look.

Stems of wire.

Pedals of plastic. But a rose is a rose is a rose.

Here, you can keep it.

If you don't tell them I'm up here.

Please, Missy.

I ain't hurting nobody.

Thanks. But keep it.

You won't tell?

God bless, Missy.

Hello, Charles.

I just saw Jerry.

Is everything all right?

Things are rarely even close to being right. For them to be all right is cause

for celebration.

How shall we know the dancer from the dance?

You know that line, Frances?

I don't think so.

Yates.

What a charming man he was.

He never answered the question.

How shall we know?

Which is more important, the living or the life?

Does it really matter?

It's all that matters.

I was like a quarter horse among thoroughbreds. Fast out of the gate, but

staying power.

Someone once said, Andrea, you're all potential.

That should be my epitaph.

I had talent.

And I was beautiful.

You still are.

But they all left me far behind.

Their work lives.

And a century from now, they will still live.

And I will be an obscure footnote in some future scholar's unreadable book.

Not that I haven't done some good work. I have.

But I was always too busy living my life to transcend it.

I lacked the discipline, the consistent vision that sustains a truly great

artist.

I see myself for a mayfly, and it's made me bitter.

I don't know when it was.

Last year?

Year before?

I became a cantankerous old woman.

That's not true.

Thank you.

You're very patient. Not everyone can take so much self -pity in one sitting.

Well, I'll be damned if I'll sit here and wallow in my misery.

We'll have a party.

Yes, that's just the thing.

Not too large, not too small.

You invite your friends.

Eight o 'clock.

She and Jerry seemed to have broken any ties they had between them.

I've been wondering about Jerry, Chief.

So have I, along with the total population of the city.

Anything else out of the ordinary?

Nothing. I thought we might have a lead.

A man on a roof across the street. But he turned out to be an old wino looking

for a place to get drunk by himself.

Keep your eyes open. We'll see you at eight.

I had to use all my influence to get this.

I'm not in the mood for Freudian irony.

Progress? It depends on your point of view. It's a breakdown of the garbage

collecting schedule for the city. You know, it's weird.

Where I've lived, it's always been collected on Thursdays.

What are you doing?

I'm leaving.

You haven't even made supper yet.

Here's a TV dinner in the freezer.

Did I do something wrong today?

No, Augie, it's not what you've done.

It's what you are.

Oh, there's nothing wrong with me, lady.

Well, I can't take it anymore.

I mean, I'm tired of fighting and I'm tired of losing.

We've been married for 15 years, Augie, and I have never meant anything to you

but a maid and a slave.

Well, I thought you liked housework.

Look, I don't mind it.

But it's not enough, and every time I try to do something about it, every time

try to branch out, you just... You make me feel dumb.

Now, I know I'm not the brightest person in the world, but I've got my rights.

And I'm not too old to start a new life with somebody else.

Where are you going?

Chicago.

You think you'll find your Prince Charming in Chicago? You're out of your

I'm not looking for a Prince Charming.

I'm just looking for somebody who will love me for what I am.

You sure this is not something you just read about and kind of wanted to try

out?

No. I'm positive.

Haven't I always given you everything you wanted when I could afford it?

That's not it, Augie.

I've done the best I could for us. What do you want, my bride?

No, I just want a little honest love and respect once in a while.

Just leave me alone, Augie.

Please.

All right, April.

I'll leave you alone.

And here I am with Manoletti.

We were in Cordoba that Sunday.

She dedicated the second bull to me and won both ears.

A beautiful, serene man.

He died soon after.

Oh, here we are, Marcus.

Ibiza.

Lord, how it's changed.

Absolutely infested.

Here's little Martin.

He's turned out so well. Such a handsome man.

Takes after his father.

Oh, that.

San Remo.

It was so hot, we just threw off our clothes and ran into the ocean.

I'm the one with the good figure.

You see the man on the left?

Hemingway himself.

Must have been quite a day.

The details escaped me.

Of course, she's absolutely incurable.

Well, perhaps dangerous is a better word. You know, when she was in China,

everybody else was walking around in eggshells.

But she managed to call one of the premier's top aides a tunneled vision

throwback to the Boxer Rebellion.

Here we go.

It's two parts vodka, three parts Demerara rum, one part lime juice.

I call it the Moresby Special.

This was taken just two years ago.

The poor Moffat boy who committed suicide.

It must have been the mystery that intrigued me.

I devoted 20 pages to it in my manuscript.

Alan Moffat?

Yes.

Here you are, Andrea.

Oh, thank you, Moffat.

Don't you think that story's better laid to rest?

Why? Well, it's over. I mean, Alan wasn't important.

He was also a very good friend of mine.

Well, I have no intention of treating him unkindly.

I have to rewrite the whole thing from memory, of course.

Wait and read it.

So any sort of marriage that would involve monogamy is out, as far as I'm

concerned. It's unnatural if you examine it closely.

Is somebody using that?

No. Grandmother always leaves it off the hook when she has dinner guests.

You trying to change the subject?

No, but I have an interesting way to end the conversation.

Mr. Ironside, it has been a great pleasure. And you should know that I

reversed my opinion of you.

You are not a male chauvinist at all.

You are a charming, enlightened man.

Thank you.

I have not reversed my opinion of you. I'm still a fan.

More to come.

You got this all wrong, ain't done nothing.

All right, now don't move.

I ain't talking if I don't want to.

That's your privilege, Mr. Morris.

Did you have to drag her into this? It was my decision, Augie.

You're going to miss your bus.

Oh, that's not important now.

Ed?

Will you answer our questions, Mr. Morris?

I never tried to kill nobody.

Two days ago, an attempt was made on Dr. Walcott's life.

Last night, her life was threatened.

Now, you want us to believe you.

I suggest you account for your activities during the past several days.

I never tried to shoot her at any bookstore. I never sent any threats.

There was only tonight.

You plan to tell us about it?

You're all I got, April.

You're my old lady.

I was jealous.

Crazy man.

Everything was fine until she came along.

I wanted to kill her.

But I couldn't. What?

Just emptied the gun into the street.

It was dumb.

Nanny.

One coop down, 200 to go. Looks like we're right back where we started. No

place.

Chief?

You the chief?

That's right.

Then I got something for you.

I was told it's kind of valuable.

Thank you, Chief.

Where did you find this?

In a garbage can.

The address?

Outside 346 Dunster Terrace.

Thank you.

Hey, it's gonna stay that way, too.

Just take the phone off the hook for parties.

All right.

Forget Dunster Terrace. Back to you. Yeah, got it.

Don't waste your energy, child. The caterers will be here tomorrow with a

of people devoted to cleaning up.

All of them men.

How are your nerves doing?

Well, being shot at is a little like falling in love.

After the first time, it's a familiar thrill.

I promise you I will not die easily.

Martin.

I didn't want you to know it was me, Andrea.

I did want to spare you that.

Why? Your book.

I asked you to take that section out, but you wouldn't. There wasn't any

to. Not for you, but if the right people were to read it, I could be indicted

for murder.

I could hardly explain that to you now, could I?

I'm sorry.

Ten -four.

Are you all right?

Just slightly ruffled, thank you.

Would you be a dear?

And fix this gallant gentleman and me a drink.

All right, thank you.

Well?

Martin Lowell just made a fool of confession.

He killed Alan Moffat because Moffat was about to reveal his part in a stock

swindle. If you'll read this, you'll see that Andrea Wolcott never believed that

Moffat committed suicide.

She dug up facts which could have opened up the whole case and incriminated

Martin. A man convicted by a woman's autobiography.

Welcome, stranger.

Why, thank you.

And for each of you, from Andrea.

With gratitude. Thank you.

I'll have no fury.

Very nice. How is she this morning?

In fine form.

When I left, she was having breakfast with your friend Trash.

She seems quite taken by him.

An original primitive.

I think that's the way she describes him.

That's appropriate.

Chief, was it really necessary for you to hire him to spy on us?

Tony used trash to help find the manuscript.

Whatever else he did, it was on his own time and was his own idea.

You sure it wasn't your idea?

Absolutely not. I give you my word.

A man's word is like a woman's honor.

Once given, seldom missed.

I think you'll find that on page seven.