Original subtitles

I'm sorry to bother you at this late hour of the night, sir, but I just

of a terrific title for the late, late movie on TV. Can you guess? Who is this?

Wrong, sir. The title I have in mind is Whatever Happened to Officer Mark

Sanger?

Thank you.

You are really stupid.

Do you know who that cop works for?

Sure. Wasn't that the idea? To get Ironside involved?

Yeah, but not so early in the game.

Look, Chief Ironside is no dummy. That cowboy lasso bit could tip him off.

I doubt it.

Besides,

it all fitted into the pattern so beautifully I couldn't resist it. Right

victim, right location, right everything.

Crime can be a thing of beauty.

It's done with finesse.

What about my scene last night?

Yuck! It was beautiful.

Too bad you couldn't have been there to see it.

I took his badge.

And his gun.

And his uniform.

What did you take?

Pride in what I was doing.

Hey, that's Chief Ironside. Tell him I'm not here.

Very funny.

Hello?

Cindy!

No, no, it's not too late.

All right.

Listen, listen, if you can't sleep, come on over. We'll whip up an omelette or

something.

Right. Yeah, yeah, I'm alone.

Ten minutes.

All right. Right on, Vic.

You want me to get lost?

How did you ever get?

Will I be hearing from you? In 24 hours.

You know the rules. Maybe we should speed it up a bit. Oh, why hurry a good

thing?

I'm enjoying it. Don't enjoy yourself too much. I mean, take it easy. Don't

worry, cousin.

I'm not going to murder anyone.

At least not till it's over.

Night.

Night.

Paul?

Listen, uh...

Supposing you lose?

I won't lose.

Supposing you do.

Do you still think you'll have the guts to make the last move?

No sweat.

We'll see.

Good night.

I don't know what hit me exactly.

It felt like a karate chop. I hear.

And when I woke up, my uniform was gone.

My cap and my gun.

And you didn't see who did it? No, sir.

Union Square area?

Yes, sir.

Same place Mark was hit.

Yes, sir. That's quite a coincidence, wouldn't you say, sir?

I'd say it was more than a coincidence, Joe.

I'll be in touch with you. Yes, sir.

Ed, friend, I'll be okay.

Take an ETB cooler. We'll send you right back to the hospital. I know what the

doctor said. Sit down here. Yeah, I know what the doctor said. The doctor said

I'll live.

But not for long. Not if you pull another stunt like you did last night.

you feel? Mace and whatever it was in that needle don't mix. Twelve hours in

nowhere is nowhere.

You're lucky it wasn't forever.

Yeah, I know.

Well, how would the patient like a nice big bowl of steaming chicken broth?

Right.

I'm okay, okay.

Mark, do you remember anything more the caller said on the phone? This guy said

that he had information on a big narcotics operation, which he'd let me

Chief, is it possible this guy hit Mark to get at you?

I mean, it's been in all the papers. You're on the Mickey Cox and Narco case.

And he did phone you direct to tell you where to find me.

It's like he wanted to get you personally involved.

Well, if that's what he wanted, that's what he got. I'm involved.

In what?

And for what?

Hello?

Carol?

Yes?

Who's this?

Carol, you don't know me.

I'm Udo Giesen.

I'm a photographer.

Hey, so is that outfit.

Thank you.

It would be fantastic against this bridge background.

Why don't we start him on the light?

Tell me where you want him.

Why don't you hop up here?

You have good composition.

I guess you get such bridge.

I didn't quite understand what his pictures would be used.

You said something about a syndicate on the phone. Yeah, 200 newspapers.

See, actually, I'm a freelance photographer.

But they take everything I give them. They're going to love these.

Uh, climb up top.

Right here? A little to the left.

A little more.

Here? Yeah. Well, wait a minute. It's no good.

It goes with the outfit. It goes, period. Come on.

See, that's a cleaner line.

Now, just relax.

That's it.

Now, a little movement.

Let your dub go.

All right, more.

More.

Give me the old shampoo commercial where you twirl your hair.

Right. Very good. Very good. Give me a big smile.

Big smile. Look this way.

That's it.

Okay.

Look over your shoulder.

All right.

All right. That'll do it.

That's it?

I shoot sure as fast like an old Western gunslinger.

I got about 20 great shots of you in here.

Hey, with a model like you, how could I miss?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Listen, I'll send you copies of everything, and if there's anything you

like, just let me know. All right?

Thanks again, Carol.

I'll be in touch.

Purse snatching.

Big deal.

Anyone can snatch a purse. Ah, but not this particular purse.

This happens to belong to a very special chick.

How about that?

Very literal, wouldn't you say?

What do you want me to do, Lord?

It's still a simple purse snatch.

Not so simple.

It's a 487 grand theft person. That happens to be a felony, in case you

know it. Now, if I had just snatched it off a park bench, it'd be petty theft.

Here, 20.

Yeah, near there.

I have a roll of film to prove it.

If you want to wait until it's developed, that is.

What, go past the time limit?

Right on the ocean.

Right on the ocean?

Right out of left field?

You didn't expect it, did you, Paul?

Well?

You're really strange.

I gotta tell you, I don't dig these hairy, muscular types.

Ledley Howard now, he's neat.

I fell in love with him when I was six years old, which my drink says is my

problem, you know.

I was absolutely crushed when I found out he died five years before I was

Oh, Ashley, my love.

You don't actually have to go out with him.

You can call him.

Call him.

Why?

Now, for a joke.

You see, Roy's an old friend of mine. I think it'd be rather funny to call him

up, arrange to meet him, and then not show up.

That's funny.

It's funny to me.

Weird. Weird, whatever.

Do it for me.

I'll make it worth the while.

How?

Well, suppose I was to sponsor a little theater company.

On condition that I could cast its leading lady.

Joan of Arc?

Jaws? Oh, Paul, I've just got to play her before it's too late.

I'm nearly 24.

How do I know you can act? Oh, come on, don't tease me, Paul. You know I can

act. Do I? Yes.

I am one terrific actress.

Move over, Miss Hepburn, and make way for Dina Hastings.

I'm great.

Really? Yes.

Convincing? Yes.

In any role?

Proven.

Heart for breaking.

Don't blame my aching heart for being in love.

Don't turn around, Roy.

I've got a gun pointed right at your head.

If you turn around to look, I'll be the last person you see.

Do you read me, cowboy?

I read you loud and clear.

Don't make a move unless you say so, right? Good.

If you do exactly as I say, nobody's going to get hurt.

You just name it, buddy.

Sit down.

I'm down. I'm down.

Take your boots off and throw them back to me.

My boots?

Hurry. I'm hurrying. I'm hurrying.

Now, don't move until you've counted to 100.

Very slowly.

Count to 100.

Very slow. Yes, sir.

That all he took, your boots?

Handmade, two leathers, 150 bucks.

Screwy enough to tie in with Mark's case. That's why I brought Roy over

Covered boots, less so. You may be right.

Did you see the man?

No, sir. I didn't want to get my head blowed off. You sure he had a gun?

Well, where I come from when a man tells me he's got a gun, I'm a firm believer.

You know what I mean?

What I don't understand is what the devil did he want with my boots?

Okay, one question.

Tell me how you got that cowboy to show up there.

Would you believe he was waiting for a bus?

No, I wouldn't believe he was waiting for a bus.

Okay.

What if I told you I got Tina to call him up and ask him to meet her there at

midnight? You used Tina?

That dumb actress?

And she was perfect.

Paul, I don't understand you. You are incomprehensible.

I mean, if she talks, you know who gets the boot.

You.

And me.

She won't talk.

Besides, who cares about some poor cowboy losing his boots?

Look, you've got nothing to worry about.

All you have to think about is your next move.

By the way, did I tell you I've had a cable from Mother?

She's coming back from Rome in a week with a new Italian husband.

So what else is new?

Right.

But it does create rather a problem.

You remember when we were kids, she always seemed to know when we were up to

good, as she put it.

It won't be so safe with her snooping around.

How about if we speed up the game so that we can get it over before she gets

back?

Okay.

I've planned my next move.

It's all figured out.

Who, where, what.

You don't mind speeding up the game? Nope.

My next move is classic.

It'll drive Ironside right up the wall.

Not murder? Not murder.

But the next best thing.

What can I find, Billy Roberts?

That's true.

Billy?

Yeah?

We talked on the phone.

You mean it was you I talked to?

Look, it was just a gag. You know what I mean?

I mean, I don't need nothing.

Look, I'm not on this stuff. I'm clean.

I always step out back.

We'd better transact our business out there.

You didn't tell me he was down.

No whitewash!

This is A1 priority.

If there's a psychopath on the force, I want him out yesterday.

I've already checked every officer on duty last night in the area. And? I

believe it was one of our men. I said no whitewash. And you won't get one.

I'm sorry, Bob. I don't have to tell you what happens when these police

brutality stories get started.

Have you any proof that someone was impersonating an officer?

Billy Roberts is a jockey, or was.

Now suddenly we're having an epidemic of crimes involving horses and police

officers. And you think the attack on Billy was part of this epidemic?

I think our attacker was wearing a uniform he stole from Officer Rodriguez.

Whoever he is did a beautiful job.

Wait till the picture of Billy's battered face hits the papers.

It's vodka tonic time. It's vodka tonic time. Make my screwdriver.

I need my blade.

Hey, where did you come from?

What's up, Doc? Why the sour foot?

You're a sadistic weirdo, you know that?

Okay, what do I do now?

Oh, lousy pun.

Yeah, I hope they catch the time to do that.

That was a bad scene in more ways than one.

That's what you say.

That's what you'll say.

After tonight?

Listen, uh, isn't it about that time? I mean, I don't want to get rid of you or

anything. Where's my drink?

Put it on the other hand.

What are you two cats up to? You know what curiosity did?

Sure. It killed the cat.

Or the king.

Right on, babe.

Thank you.

Ross Barbershop, Joe speaking.

Yes?

Hold on, please.

For you, Commissioner.

Huh?

Yes?

I'll be right there.

Emergency, Joe.

Try to catch me later.

Sure, Commissioner.

If this were October, it could be a Halloween stunt.

Or April Fool's joke, if it were April.

It happens neither, so why would anyone take the trouble to call me out of a

barbershop and have me drive all the way to the Federal Bank building for a pair

of cowboy boots?

Why would the same character call me to meet him at Union Square, knock me out,

and hog -tie me?

If it is the same man.

Very cultured voice, very articulate.

Sounds like a joke. If you have a warped sense of humor. Well, I don't think

it's very funny if it's the same one who assaulted Billy Roberts. He did mention

Billy Roberts on the phone. Well, now, why do you think I went to see him alone

when he said he had evidence proving that it was not one of our men who

Billy?

I... I just leaped before I looked.

Federal Reserve Bank.

Federal Reserve Bank.

That's right.

The bank.

Now you know why you chose the wrong place to beat up that jockey. Don't get

cocky. It's not over yet.

Oh.

What's up, Doc?

Well, if it's too early for a murder, how about a fate worse than death?

You've got to be kidding.

Am I?

I know where it'll be committed.

You've only got one place to go.

Don't be too sure. You may be in for a surprise.

So will she.

Carol? Yes, Carol, who are you?

Carol?

This is yours.

Thank you.

It's a million.

I really found my purse.

Everything's in it.

I can't believe it.

You think I was lying to you on the phone?

No, I just... I was sitting here thinking, well, maybe it was some kind

or something.

Out here in nowhere like this so early in the morning.

You know.

Glam? Could be.

Well, yeah.

What's not good enough is the location.

Used to have met her somewhere near Maine and Howard.

Not near the beach.

You say.

You will say.

I'm dying tomorrow.

What's that?

What's it look like?

A license plate.

To you, a license plate.

To me, it looks like you're down for.

unusual crime committed in the past week.

By day, by hour, by location, as per your request.

Would you believe there would be that many?

I believe it.

Brian Foster, pawnbroker.

Robbed near the Lotta Fountain area at midnight of the 5th. Six nights before

Mark's attack.

Going to this one, he was waiting for someone to phone to meet him.

Why would he go there at that time of night? I checked him out.

He said he thought he recognized the voice on the phone as one of his

I suspect he was hoping to pick up some stolen goods.

Offense? I think he might be.

Well, we just put out the biggest APB in the history of San Francisco.

For who?

Correction, for what?

Our commissioner's license plate was stolen.

Possibly when he picked up the boots.

Federal bank building?

Took him two days to find out the plate was missing. Is that what you've been

doing, looking for a license plate?

No.

I've been checking out the usual muggings, robberies, petty thefts, plus

unusual cases, especially one.

Does it fit our pattern?

A couple of ways.

261 attempted.

Girl was beaten up, although not as badly as Billy Roberts.

She got a call to meet a guy who claimed he'd found her purse she'd had snatched

last Wednesday.

Well, when the guy shows up...

Turned out to be the first match himself.

Where did it happen?

Well, location -wise, it doesn't fit our pattern.

Uh, out there on the point.

Who's the girl?

Carol Chase.

She was just elected queen of the campus in Berkeley.

Well, Dennis, what's the matter?

Communications lines down?

I don't trust this to the telephone.

Bad news.

I just got the word.

Billy Roberts is slapping a $1 million suit against the city.

Bob, you've got to do something fast.

Time is precious. Isn't it always?

Especially talking about it. Couldn't you tell the press something to

his accusation?

Maybe you could interest them in another case.

Such as the case of the commissioner's missing license plate?

License plate?

Oh, we found that.

Yes, in Bishop McCloskey's car.

He received a call from someone to meet them downtown, and apparently when he

was parking... Wait, wait, wait.

Where, Dennis?

Where was he parked? Forth near Harrison.

What is it, Bob?

We have appointed a bishop on Forth upon broken air lot as found.

Grant.

Draw 64 squares on that plastic.

Like a checkerboard? Like a checkerboard.

Mark on the double.

Um, what's so important it can't wait until that technique gave me? A game of

chess.

Even if you'd met your queen at the corner of Maine and Howard, you couldn't

have won, you know that?

I'm not resigning, not yet.

But why waste the effort on a losing battle?

There's no way you could win, no way.

Says you.

Look, I don't like what you're doing.

We agree, no murders.

Until checkmate, I know.

Will you please relax?

This bomb isn't going to kill anybody.

It's going to blow a hole in an old, ugly establishment.

How can you be so sure?

Have you ever assembled a time bomb before?

Nope. How do you know it'll work? It'd better work.

Otherwise, that revolutionary creep that sold me these plans cheated me out of

two bucks.

Look, why don't you admit the game is over and forget your last move?

It will be your last move, you know. We shall see.

Okay.

If you're going to be stubborn, why don't you make your move, uh...

Say in the next hour.

Then I'll make mine immediately and we'll get on six o 'clock news.

Biggest story of the day.

Death of a king.

A little more on the angle.

More.

Does that put Lotta's fountain in the center of king four?

Dead's in it. All right, line up your chest, man.

Went through the third.

Armed robbery of a pawnbroker.

Perfect opener.

All right, Ed. Make your first move.

Pawn to King Four.

Thursday, pawn shop robbed on California near Spring.

Mark.

Likewise. Pawn to King Four.

St. Mary's Square area. Good.

Friday the 5th, a jockey's apartment was burglarized on Hampton Place.

Ed.

Knight to King Bishop Three.

Jockey. Knight on horseback.

to Queen Bishop 3, Jackson Taylor Jones.

Fran theft a truck on Taylor. Oh, that happens every day.

A horse fan with a horse?

No. No.

Ed?

I'll pawn a queen four.

And I take your pawn. And my knight takes your pawn.

Queen four seems to be a very busy square.

Queen four is Union Square, where Officer Rodriguez's uniform and gun were

from him. And I was kidnapped the next night. Taken by a knight.

Ed, where did our campus queen have her purse snatched?

Pier 20.

Queen to rook five.

Chief, it's bad to move your queen, sir, isn't it? Move it.

Your knight again.

Queen's Bishop III, Turkmere Taylor.

Yeah, where the cowboy lost his boots.

All right, Mark, your knight.

My knight, Toy.

That was our jockey allegedly attacked by a policeman. In the Walton Park area.

King's Bishop III.

That's a bad move, and I question that move.

One big fat question, Mark. I agree, but make the move.

Man who impersonated a police officer did. But someone was impersonating an

officer. Someone was impersonating an officer.

Bishop 5, Federal Reserve Bank.

Now it's your move, Commissioner.

Me? There's cowboy boots in your car.

Cowboy. A horse. A knight.

Yes, sir.

Knight to the bank.

Mark, protect your queen. Didn't I tell you, don't move a queen so early in the

game? Here.

Move my queen to Rook 4?

Man, that's suicide.

Carol Chase was attacked north of Pier 14.

Rook 4.

Do what the lady says.

Your license plate was discovered in the bishop's car on 4th Street.

King, too.

All right, Mark.

Your most important move.

Maybe our last.

Hey, what are you doing in there?

Get out of here.

Night three.

That should be the location of the next crime.

Come on! Get out of here!

Get out

of

here! Chief Ironside's office.

According to Lieutenant Yeager, these time bomb fragments indicate a rather

crude homemade model. A type favored by would -be revolutionists. He said it can

be most effective.

But not absolutely foolproof.

Obviously.

A bomb in a storeroom when there's nothing of value.

Exactly. Nothing of value and hopefully no one around to get hurt.

Only the location was right.

Found this in the storeroom.

Corroborates our previous identification.

You have that checked out, please?

Yes, sir.

Well... Well... Here's move, Ed.

Our other chess player.

This is Ironside.

I want a bulletin put out immediately.

Radio and television.

No casualties.

Repeat, no casualties as far as we know.

The damage to the building itself.

Is this the Egger Amusement Company?

NCOA.

That's tough answers. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to see.

A white knight move. You're a chess player. Now visualize a white knight.

I am trying, sir.

Yeah.

Yes, sir.

Nothing yet.

Peeled.

Yes, sir.

Your eyes.

Keep them peeled.

Frankly, I didn't expect you to find him at home, Fran.

No, no need to look further.

I believe we'll find him out here.

The next move will involve the amusement company truck.

Can you see it from where you are?

Yeah, I got it.

Good. Make your move.

Keep the driver with you, but don't take your eyes off that truck.

Come in, Mr. Buckler.

You know me.

As I know you.

Newspapers, society pages.

I've been expecting you.

You know about the game?

Of course you do. Otherwise, why would you be here?

You knew my next move.

This is a stakeout? On guard.

Incredible.

You are incredible.

But not infallible.

I don't think you get who's the king.

The king who will be taken at the end of the game.

Epitome of authority, of law and order, the decadent establishment.

King of obsolescence.

And the obsolete must go.

Murder.

Ah, why do you take the fun out of the game, all with anticipating the next

move?

Subconsciously, that's what you really want, isn't it?

For someone to stop you, just short of murder.

I don't plan to do the killing. That's why I had to win. I abhor violence.

The brain can always manipulate brawn.

You will be the loser's victim.

Your name was in your cousin's wallet to be notified in case of accident.

Your cousin is dead.

No.

No, I heard on the radio.

No casualties.

That's what we wanted you to hear.

The truth is, your cousin is dead. He was killed by his own bomb.

I thought you couldn't believe in violence.

Sometimes.

Sometimes it's necessary. It's never necessary.

Sometimes.

Why didn't you let me make my last move?

Simple arson, just a few flaming carousel horses. So literal, and no one

hurt.

Now I have to use this on you.

I don't want to, but I have to.

Otherwise, there's no point in the game.

Chief!

Chief, I'm sorry!

My mother will hate it if you arrest me, do you know that?

She'll come back and find me in jail and she won't like it one bit.

You'll spoil all her fun, Chief.

Interrupt her honeymoon.

And if her new husband finds out about me, he might just leave her.

Think about my poor, poor mother then, Chief.

No husband.

No son.