Original subtitles

You're not being reasonable, Eric.

The whole idea of that party last night was for me to spend some time with Todd.

So he got a little drunk and he told a few off -color jokes.

You could have humored him. It was two o 'clock in the morning, Eric. I just

wasn't up to it.

Why don't we invite him to dinner Friday night? I doubt if he'd come.

I'm sorry.

Being sorry is not going to help convince the board of directors to

out of this dead end.

Dead end?

You said yourself that banking isn't like other businesses.

They move slower.

Promotions simply take longer coming, that's all.

Not this slow.

Not for someone who's put in as much sweat as I have. It'd be so terrible if

didn't move up. I'm right, it would.

Some of those kids are passing me by already.

All I'm saying is that we can still have a good life together without you having

to eat yourself up every day.

It's a job, Eric.

It makes you that unhappy than changing. It's not a job. It's a career.

And you don't throw 12 years out the window just because things aren't going

way you'd like them.

I have to go shopping today. Would you like to join me for lunch? No. You know

I'm having lunch with Paul.

Just remember to pick me up on the way home.

Where's that birth certificate? I've been waiting for two hours.

Eve's at the Hall of Records. She said she'd bring it by after lunch. After

lunch? Chief, she's on a diet, but I don't think it's quite that stringent.

Ham again?

I'm certainly glad I decided to stop here for lunch today.

You never know whom you'll run into, do you?

Next time, we'll have to make a date. We really have become strangers.

It's my fault. This job takes up all of my time. No, Eve.

I've got to get out in the world a little more.

Eric's not exactly what you'd call a swinger.

Listen, I've got to make a telephone call. Nice seeing you again. I'll talk

you later. Okay.

Call you next week. Fine.

Here, Bill. Thank you, Mrs. Sagan. Thank you.

They're still checking it out at the Hall of Records, Chief.

I'll stop by there before coming in.

Jeez. Okay.

Out. Come on, I said out.

Out.

Okay.

Open the door.

Open the door. What are we going to do with her? We're going to take her. Now

open the door. Okay.

You're sure he was alone in the car?

Yes, sir.

Then the other guy came up behind the blonde lady holding the gun and grabbed

away from her. You said the one that looked like Buffalo Bill drove off on

motorcycle. Yeah, he had it parked around back. The cat with the pearl in

ear took off with the blonde and Mr. Saginaw in her car. Did you attempt to

it? Not me, man.

I'm not about to get involved with a plague like that.

I called you guys, didn't I? Yeah, that's heavy. That's real heavy.

All right.

Keep yourself available.

It'll be okay, Chief. Don't worry about it. She knows how to take care of

herself. Trying to reassure me or yourself.

What is it?

You have a call, Mr. Saginaw. He says it's urgent.

Well, who is it?

He won't give his name.

Eric Saginaw speaking.

Hey, baby.

We got your old lady.

What are you saying? You heard me right.

We want $50 ,000.

At 5 -0.

Wiggle. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

No, man, I don't make any bad jokes.

Look, if you want to see your roommate again, that's the price.

Not my wife.

Not my wife.

Hey, Chris, turn the sound down. Right, man.

Mr. Taganaw wishes to speak with...

Mr. Saginaw.

Come on, sweetheart. It's a toll call.

Eric? Susan.

Where are you?

Eric, help me!

Now, you listen to me, man.

You got 24 hours to put together 50 big ones.

And small bills, old ones.

And pussycat, one word to the police, and you're a widower.

Now you tune in tomorrow for the next installment.

Hey, Nola, make those ladies comfortable.

Don't touch me.

Gucci, the lady doesn't like to be handled.

Duh.

Now move it.

Do you know how much you can get for kidnapping?

The last I heard was $50 ,000. I mean prison.

Sooner or later, they'll get you, all of you.

And it's a big wrap, but there's still time to beat it. Yeah, how?

Later, when they're sleeping, let us go.

It's a chance to save yourself. Save myself?

According to my shrink, I'm a one percenter. Total self -destruction. I

want to be saved.

And besides...

Even if this chick's old man did bail her out, you've had it.

Chief, this is Israel Rivera. He works in the kitchen. He saw the suspects

15 minutes before the kidnapping. Tell me about it, Mr. Rivera.

I was dumping the trash in the cans out in back.

And this motorcycle comes up. Two fellas riding in it.

One of them gets off and goes around the front. The other just sits and waits.

You hear anything they said?

Well, the cycle was making a lot of noise. And this guy kept chasing it, you

know, vroom, vroom, vroom.

But I did hear him say, break a leg, when the other fellow left.

Break a leg, that's weird.

How long did the man who stayed on the motorcycle wait?

I don't know.

I had to get back in the kitchen. The chef, he never gives nobody time to

breathe. You said you heard the motorcycle leave.

Who could miss it?

Vroom! The room. How much later? Five, ten minutes. About the time of the

kidnapping. So the second man got away.

All right, I'd take Mr. Rivera downtown to check the mug files.

The parking attendant, too. Right. While they're looking at the gallery, call

every legitimate theater in town.

Have them send over a complete cast list and pictures of everyone in the

production. Done and done.

Thank you, Mr. Rivera.

Sure, mister.

Why are you checking out actors?

In the theater, break a leg is a way of saying good luck.

These characters just might be picking up a little day work for themselves on

the side.

Then why'd they snatch Eve?

Kidnappers can't afford witnesses, especially when they're police officers.

And I trust that this matter has been arranged to your entire satisfaction. I

remain, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Oh, I didn't know you were busy.

I'm sorry, Paul. I'll come back.

Eric.

We'll finish it later.

Eric, you look as if the sky fell in.

What's the trouble?

I... I always seem to be asking you for help, Paul.

I'm sorry.

Monica's with the title.

Not more trouble with our balances.

No, nothing like that.

Well, don't keep it a deep, dark secret. What is it?

Susan's been kidnapped.

Susan?

That's not very funny, Eric.

It's the truth, damn it.

I just spoke to her on the telephone. Some maniac.

Holding her for $50 ,000 rank.

Who was in that?

How did it happen?

I don't know.

Well, have you notified the police?

He said he'd kill her if I did.

That's madness, Eric. You've got to notify them.

Hold on my call, please.

I won't gamble with her life.

You're going to pay the ransom?

Yes.

Well, how are you going to do that?

You haven't got that kind of money, have you?

No, but the bank does.

They'd lend it to me if you asked them. Oh, you're not serious.

They'd never... consider that? Yes, they will if you ask them.

You're the fair -haired boy. They'll give you practically anything you ask

$50 ,000? Look, if you don't want to do it for me, think of Susan.

Look, look, I've helped you in the past out of friendship, and I'll continue to

do so in the future when it's possible, but this is out of the question.

Paul.

Paul, I don't know what else to do.

She's... She's precious to me. You know that, Paul? No, but she's precious to

you. That's why you've got to notify the police.

No. No, please.

You've been close to Susan and her family for years, Paul.

If you don't help me, I'll take it from the vault. Don't stop me. That's grand

theft. You'll go to prison for that. I don't care as long as I get my wife back

safe.

I can't promise anything, Eric, but I'll try.

I'll need it as soon as possible, Paul.

Thank you, Paul.

Mr.

Saginaw? Who are you?

My name is Ironside, Robert Ironside. This is my assistant, Mark Sanger.

Chief Robert Ironside.

Yes.

Well, what can I do for you?

I have some bad news.

I'm afraid your wife's been kidnapped.

My wife? Oh, no.

It must be some mistake.

No mistake.

She just went to do some shopping. Your wife and one of my staff, Eve Whitfield,

were abducted in a restaurant parking lot less than two hours ago.

Susan?

Why would anybody want to kidnap Susan? I was hoping you could tell us.

Can you think of any reason? A personal vendetta?

A gambling debt? Something like that? No.

No reason at all. We don't have enemies.

I mean, at least not that I can think of. Someone was after your wife, Mr.

Saginaw. Now, we must have had a reason.

You'll probably be hearing from the kidnappers shortly. I'll arrange for

phones to be monitored here and at your home. We'll notify the FBI. Oh, no. Oh,

no. No, not the FBI.

If the FBI... If you start interfering, they'll kill her, won't they? I assure

you, we won't interfere.

In fact, we urge you to meet their demands if it's at all possible.

I will, I will. I don't care what they want.

We'll stay in the background until your wife is safely returned. You'll stay out

of it. Period.

No wiretapping, no surveillance, nothing.

That contact will be our only lead. We'll find something else.

I'm not going to risk my wife's life.

All right, Mr. Saginaw, I'll get a court order. And I'll fight.

Don't you understand? Susan is my wife.

They have my wife. They have Eve Whitfield.

Our friend.

And he stayed home all night?

No visitors?

He still might have had a phone call.

What about this morning? He goes straight to his office.

All right.

Stay with it. Use as many men as you need.

Coffee.

Yeah.

Those are the cast pictures you wanted.

I had Rivera and a parking attendant look them over.

Results negative, I assume.

A few maybes.

Having them checked out.

They weren't even that close with the mug files.

No, our answers are with Saginaw.

First, why was his wife kidnapped?

He's not a wealthy man.

Well, he is the officer of a large bank with access to bank funds.

Logical, but immediately traceable.

Second...

Why does he now refuse to cooperate with the police?

Fear. Of what, Ed?

He hadn't even heard from the kidnappers when I spoke to him.

So he said.

Exactly.

Surveillance? Nothing yet.

He's behaving normally.

Quiet evening at home.

No visitors.

And to his office this morning on time.

If it were my wife... If it were anybody's wife. I don't want any ifs. I

Eve. I want her back, Ed.

Now. None harmed.

Any problems?

No, Mr. Friedman read your message loud and clear.

That's President of the bank.

I asked him for Saginaw's personnel file.

There's nothing in the morning papers.

Chief's playing along with Saginaw. Nothing new?

Haven't even found a car yet. Entry made last June.

That Saginaw was being passed over for promotion due to a currently unstable

personal life.

That's bank talk for what?

Let's find out.

It's that man again. Put him on.

That's right, man. Two blocks from the marina.

Plain wrap package. Nothing fancy.

Now, you be there at four sharp and be there alone.

Hey, everything's cool, baby.

She's still all together.

Now...

No, there's no need to talk to her. And I just gave you my word as a gentleman,

she's 1A.

Now let's keep it that way, Saginaw. And don't foul up.

And he's going through with the ransom?

Yes. That's right, Constable.

He's coming across with the bread.

Then will you let us go?

Yeah.

If everything comes off without a hitch, you guys should be home in time for the

late show.

Think this is one big joke, don't you?

I can't blame cops and robbers. Well, it's anything but.

In this state, kidnapping carries the death penalty.

I don't believe for one minute any of you did this on your own.

Someone put you up to it. Someone who's sitting comfortably in the back seat

while you take all the risks. Hey, big mouth.

I don't care what you believe.

If you let Poochie go through with this, you're like a couple of lemmings

following him off a cliff.

Shut the door, Nola.

Think about it.

Right now, I'm the only one who can help you beat the gas chamber.

I want you to know, Eric, I am totally against what you're doing.

Not only is it wrong, it is stupid. I have no choice.

Count it.

I don't have to.

Sign it, please.

It's a personal note for the 50 ,000. I put up my own securities.

Thank you, Paul.

Thank you.

Chief Ironside is here.

I'll be right out.

What's he doing here?

Paul, you won't tell him anything. No, I'll handle it when you wake up. This

way.

Please, come in, Chief Einstein.

You got the file all right?

Yes.

Seems Saginaw was passed over for promotion recently.

Can you tell me why?

Well, I wouldn't say he was passed over. According to the file, Saginaw's

advancement at the bank has been halted by, and I quote,

a currently unstable personal life.

I believe that was your evaluation.

Would you like a drink?

No, thank you.

Here.

That was my evaluation.

At the time, he was having some difficulties at home, which naturally

his work.

Marital problems?

Yes, but... Nothing that every couple doesn't go through. How did it affect

work?

Eric's always been a very cautious and responsible person.

At the time, he was under great tension, which I'm afraid it showed up in his

work. A few errors here and there, but that was about the extent of it. You're

certain the errors were the result of carelessness?

Of course they were. They were minor, the kind that happen every day.

Since then, I've had a few talks with him, and everything's been fine.

been no problems.

Aside from Saginaw being the manager of the bank, could there be another reason

for the kidnapping?

Well, if there is, I certainly don't know about it.

Look, I'd like to be all the help I can, but I don't know anything more about

this than Eric does.

Mr. Friedland, in your opinion, could Eric Saginaw have engineered his

wife's kidnapping?

Eric?

It's impossible.

Is it? Well, of course it's impossible. I doubt that Eric could even entertain

such a thought.

Thank you for your time.

You've been most helpful.

Well, anything I can do to help Eric.

This has all been a great shock to all of us.

Hey, mister, what are you going to order?

Coffee.

Thank you.

It's a miracle he wasn't killed.

Did the doctor give you any idea when he regained consciousness?

He has a severe concussion. It could be any time. A few hours to a couple of

days, I've got a patrolman standing by.

The bike is registered to a Chris Courtland LA address.

I don't suppose he had an ID with him. Nothing.

They took a set of prints running him through now.

I called Mr. Rivera.

He's coming down to see if he can identify the bike.

Going to surveillance.

The boy was carrying the parcel Saginaw left on the table.

After the accident, Saginaw grabbed the package before they could get to him.

Ransom drop.

Pick up Saginaw and bring him in.

It's so funny.

This?

What a place to spend your birthday.

You've got to be kidding.

Today?

Happy birthday.

Eve?

Yes?

What do you think they're going to do?

I don't know.

I don't know if this makes any sense, Susan.

This wasn't a spur -of -the -moment idea.

It was planned, carefully planned.

They knew you, your car, where Eric worked.

Are you positive you've never seen Portier, any of his friends before?

No, never.

There isn't any explanation I can think of.

Except... Except what?

Nothing. Susan, if you have any idea of why this happened or who's behind it,

tell me.

Eric?

What makes you think so?

An educated guess.

Just how bad are things between you?

The last three, four years have been miserable.

Nothing's gone right for Eric.

He's worked like a slave at that bank, and three years ago they promoted

man over him, Paul Friedland, a fellow I knew in Boston.

Was there anything between you?

Of course not.

But Eric thought there was.

He'd always been just a social drinker, and then he started to make up for lost

time. And he began gambling everything from... Talk market to horse races.

They're all losers.

It'll take him ten years to pay his debt.

You think that Eric arranged the kidnapping in order to collect the

himself?

I don't know.

Sounds crazy, but then Eric is desperate.

Hey, look, man, I'm only in for a percentage of this deal. But the way

are going, I could take the whole rack.

Okay.

Okay, okay.

But I'm warning you. If the bread ain't here by 8, I'm telling you now, I'm

going to handle things my way.

They're going to kill us if they don't get that money.

You have any right to force me to come here? Mr. Saginaw, you were asked, not

forced. Are you aware that withholding information in a felony case is a crime?

What are you talking about? You knew your wife had been kidnapped before I

you.

You'd already been contacted. Now, don't you make wild accusations that you

can't back up. Two detectives followed you to the taco stand this afternoon.

What taco stand? I was at work all afternoon.

Subject arrived in a taxi, license number UQI 573 at 1 .47 p .m.

After ordering coffee, he was seen to leave a paper -wrapped parcel on a table

located at the side of the taco stand.

After the accident, you retrieved that package.

How much was in it?

$50 ,000.

Who contacted you? I don't know.

It happened just before you came.

He said that if I didn't get the money, I'd never see Susan again.

Why didn't you tell us? He told me not to contact the police.

Now, all I'm interested in is getting my wife back.

How did you raise the money?

I signed a personal note.

It was for freedom. Well, we've done some checking into your personal

affairs. You're in hock up to your ears.

Well, I'm paying off my debts. Mr. Saginaw, in your position at the bank,

manage several trust accounts, don't you? Yes, that's right. You invest for

those trust accounts, buy and sell securities?

Yes, of course.

Over the past three years, those accounts have shown irregularities.

Well, they were mistakes.

That's all they were. They were mistakes.

The dollar amounts missing from your client's accounts are almost perfectly

matched deposits you've made in several banks.

Those deposits were made with profits from stocks and bonds that I've been

holding for a long time. Now, you can check that.

I may make mistakes, and I may be in debt, but I'm not a thief.

How do you account for the shortages?

I don't know. I don't know. I've never had any trouble like that before.

It's just that I've been under some strain recently, and mistakes can

Anyway, I straightened that matter out with Mr. Friedland.

$50 ,000 is a lot of money, Mr. Saginaw. It would pay off just about all your

debts, wouldn't it?

What are you getting at?

If I were you, Mr.

Saginaw, I'd reconsider.

Next time kidnappers try to contact you, if I were you, I'd

cooperate with the police.

Yes.

Yeah, you send a telegram?

All right. You beat it back here fast, because I'm starving.

With you alone?

I think so.

Eve, if this doesn't work out, he's going to kill us.

Go ahead.

I'm scared.

Then get out of the way.

Yeah?

May we have some water, please?

Okay, okay. Pipe down.

You just made it easier for me, baby.

I'll get it.

Chief Ironside's office.

A yellow ad. No, nothing new.

The chief's making like a CPA is going over saying it was booked with a slide

rule and a magnifying glass. Is that it?

Yeah.

I want a full description from the county assessor's office on a parcel of

partially developed land in Marin County.

Details of any sales activity on it.

Track number is 1658.

Then get them to open it.

Since when is the city keeping bankers' hours?

That's track 1658.

You want to know something? Something Mr. Saginaw is going to have a hard time

calling a mistake.

Mr.

Morgenstern, please.

This is Robert Ironside calling.

I understand your firm handles the audit for the investment trust at the

Citizens Western Bank.

When's your next audit?

Nineteenth. That's less than two weeks.

Thank you very much, sir.

If you were a cat, you'd be spitting out feathers.

Not quite. Our canary is not caught yet. Look, high finance is not my bag. Can

you explain it to me two plus two style?

According to the figures in these books.

Saginaw has put a down payment on that property with money that doesn't belong

to him.

Money he's borrowed from the trust account he managed.

That property being the tract of land you went out to check out? Right.

Total cost of the land was $150 ,000.

Saginaw put up $45 ,000. Bank lent him the rest.

I'm no banker, but even I wouldn't expect to get away with that.

Well, it can be done, Mark.

If he can sell the land quickly enough, make his profit, and then return the

money he's taken from the accounts before an audit.

Which is to be made on the 19th.

So he has to get his hands on $45 ,000 in a hurry. But the ransom is $50 ,000.

That little extra covers expenses for outside help.

I was against the way you were handling this right from the start.

I don't want to be involved anymore, Eric, to get the money back. You're not

involved. Of course I'm involved. I inside know that I lent you the ransom.

Look, I'd give up the $50 ,000 if I could have prevented this happening to

Susan, but that's not going to erase the fact.

Let the police do their job.

I just got this telegram telling me where to deliver the money. If I deliver

ransom, I'll have Susan back at 8 o 'clock tonight.

Now, I'm going to deliver it. And don't try and stop me, Paulus. Help me, I'll

kill you.

Saginaw bought the land four months ago.

He must be a shrewd operator or else he knew something because five weeks ago he

got an offer of $175 ,000 for it. Well, that's a fast $25 ,000 profit.

Yeah, but it's a 90 -day escrow. He can't collect until...

Well after the audit.

Okay.

Well, there it is, Chief.

Motive. Spelled out loud and clear.

Ed, have you ever noticed people who yell the loudest have the least to say?

said he juggled the accounts in the amount he needed to make the down

the land.

Correction. I said that's the way it looks.

Hey. This just came in on the teletype, the bike rider's fingerprint ID.

Chris Cortland, age 23, profession, actor.

Picked up in Boston, September 1967, suspicion of selling narcotics, released

insufficient evidence, no other record.

Well, now we know he's an actor. Where does that put us?

Front row?

Maybe.

Chief Ironside?

Couldn't this have waited until morning? I was on my way to a dinner party.

I'll try to make it as brief as possible.

Your board chairman's an old friend of mine. I took the liberty of asking him

let me see your personnel file.

I'm sure you don't mind.

Well, there's nothing in there that could possibly interest you.

That's where you're wrong.

For example, I find it quite interesting for a banker to be, well, this much

involved in the theater.

Well, that's highly unusual under the circumstances.

As a member of the Art Festival Board, I naturally helped to arrange for dancing

for local productions in and around the Boston area.

What's that got to do with Mrs. Saginaw's kidnapping?

Perhaps everything.

Do you know an actor named Chris Cortland?

No, I don't think I do.

Now, look, let's stop this playing hide -and -seek, shall we? What is it you

want to know?

More about you.

You know, you're supposed to be something of a banking genius.

Now, how do you explain your...

Not catching over a dozen discrepancies in Saginaw's account since you came to

the bank.

Well, that's an exaggeration. There was three or four errors, and I was the one

who found them. I thought we went through this before.

Yes, we did, but that was before the chief spent a little time with your

Get to the point, please.

All right.

Now, why did you allow Saginaw to take out loans totaling $100 ,000 when he was

in... personal financial trouble. It was a perfectly sound investment. I

authorized those loans myself. Are you aware Saginaw is selling that land?

No. He never mentioned that. He sold it a few weeks ago.

I wonder why he had to come to you for the ransom money.

I couldn't possibly know the answer to that, could I?

Why don't you ask Eric? We're just about to do that, Mr. Friedland.

I know you'll be interested in the answer.

Yes.

Saginaw spotted me just as we crossed the bridge. He's trying to shake me.

Where are you? Heading north on 104.

He's in a rented green sedan.

License number 743 -AEH.

Try and stay with him, but don't close in. We'll follow you.

273, this is Ironside. Come in, 273.

273, 273.

Chief, our suspect's turned onto Route 104, headed north.

Stay with him, eh?

Roger.

Central Dispatcher, this is Ironside.

I need two patrol units on the double.

Have them meet me at the junction of 104 north and Route 17.

10 -4. How do we know that Baganoe's heading there? We might have scared him

off. I don't know.

But like the man said, it's the only game in town.

Knock it off. I got a headache.

Man, are you ever uptight.

Shut up.

You sure everything's packed?

Everything but the bread, sweetheart.

Where is that creep?

Maybe he decided this old lady wasn't worth $50 ,000.

You're late, man.

I'm here.

Where's my wife? She's first to money.

It's all there. Now get my wife.

Let's bring the birds, brother.

Susan.

Don't worry, darling.

It's all over now.

We're leaving now.

The deal was for your wife.

Margot Lane stays here.

She's our protection.

They're both going with me.

Listen to the Green Beret.

Sit back.

Sit back against that wall, you animal.

You get over there with him.

Wait.

Operator, this is an emergency.

Put me through to 3620024.

Put the telephone down, Miss Whitfield.

Take his gun, Susan.

Susan.

What is this?

We didn't plan it to end this way, Eric, but then I didn't know you were going

to play the hero.

What are you going to do, Paul? You're going to get rid of the witnesses,

No, Paul.

You promised me no one would get hurt.

Pray that can't be helped now, Mr. Pucci. Take that can of gasoline in the

closet and spread it around the place.

That was right all along.

You didn't have one another.

Thank you.

Paul, you just can't murder death!

So don't think about murder. It's going to be an accidental fire.

You will manage to escape in time.

But Whitfield and Eric will be trapped. Mr. Pucci. Yeah!

Take Mr.

Saginaw and Nola outside, please.

There's got to be another way. There isn't.

I'll leave you a moment, darling.

Thank you.

Glad to be back, son.

Oh, boy, is that old bed going to feel good tonight.

I haven't shut my eyes in 48 hours.

Have a cup of coffee. It'll wake you up.

I don't want to wake up.

Something to eat, then.

Ham again?

Thank you, one and all, but for me, home.

Well, if you insist.

Good night, Eve.

Hey, Ed, what's happening?

Bucci and Chris did know Friedland in Boston.

They looked him up hoping he'd put some money in a show.

So he offered them roles in his little real -life drama.

How did you know it was Friedland?

We said goodnight.

I didn't until I went back to basics.

Who would profit from the kidnapping?

Certainly not Saginaw. He owns a lot of money. Then why put himself in debt for

another 50 ,000? That's right.

So why Friedland?

Who had access to Saginaw's accounts?

Friedland? Who helped him cover up those little mistakes?

Friedland? Why didn't Friedland question the real estate deal? After all,

Saginaw was his friend and he was already in over his head.

Friedland made those mistakes.

I'm sure we'll be able to prove that and the fact that Friedland forged

Saginaw's name to all transactions, particularly to the real estate deal.

With friends like that...

Anniversary Fred and Marsha?

Well, it was the only one I could get on such short notice.

She remembered.

Well, do you think we'd forget?

Oh, gee, thank you. Aunt Mark? Happy birthday.

Thank you.

A toast to Officer Whitfield.

A happy birthday.

May she have many more.

And may she do us all one enormous favour.

Anything. Name it. Next time you have lunch with a girlfriend, make sure she's

happily married.

After the 1970s, we head for the 1940s next today on ITV3, and Gary seems to

think by popping over to France... He can play the hero and bring World War II

to a close.

History gets well and truly messed with in Goodnight Sweetheart in just a

moment.