Original subtitles

Fire?

Forced.

Robert!

Well,

Aunt Victoria. I haven't lost my touch, have I, Robert?

No, it's delicious.

You've surpassed yourself.

And now that my resistance is weakened, what can I do for you? Robert.

Victoria.

Well... You know about our Tuesday afternoon bridge club.

We met yesterday.

But yesterday was Thursday.

Exactly. And Victoria... Yes, Robert?

Why did the Tuesday afternoon bridge club meet on Thursday?

Rosalind McPhee was the treasurer of our club, oh, for many, many years, until

two months ago.

Then, one Tuesday, she just didn't show up.

When we called Harvey, that's her husband, he said that Rosalind had to

New York unexpectedly.

Her sister was seriously ill.

Well, that was queer.

Rosalind had never mentioned a sister.

That is queer, isn't it, Robert?

Then last Tuesday, we had shocking news.

Harvey McPhee called to say that Rosalind had passed away.

died suddenly a heart attack.

Foul play, Robert.

Roslyn was the victim of foul play.

Could be a perfectly legitimate story. I say foul play, and I have evidence.

I know Roslyn McPhee. Now, it's conceivable she could have gone to New

without so much as calling me. It's even conceivable that she never found time

to write her friends.

But what is not conceivable is absolutely impossible.

is that Roslyn would go anywhere without her Goron.

The soup's on.

What's in the menu?

Soup.

Borscht. How much more of that have we got? No more than a couple of gallons.

I presume you can keep a secret.

Yeah. Well, don't tell Aunt Victoria.

But I hate borscht.

Just heard from New York.

No death certificate on file for a Rosalind McPhee. I hear that.

Typical Californian's idea of the East. What about Connecticut?

New Jersey. In the works, Chief. No report yet. And Pennsylvania.

I'll put it through.

Chief, how far do you want to go with this?

You know the way women are. Your aunt could have bollocksed up the story

somehow. Aunt Victoria doesn't bollocks.

She's sharper than any woman I know.

And when she smells a rat, I dust off the traps.

Well, if we do get a report on her death certificate... I'll be very surprised.

In any case, I promised her I'd look into it.

And a promise to Aunt Victoria is scripture.

Undeniable, irrevocable, and unbuttable.

Unbuttable? No buts allowed.

I'll see if we can lose her somewhere, Mark. I prefer a hamburger.

Sure, it's coming right up. No, no, we'll pick up some on our way to see

Harvey McPhee, please.

Oh, do you have an appointment?

Oh, we're from the police. We won't take much of his time.

Oh, yes.

Mr. McPhee, there are some gentlemen here to see you.

A policeman.

Yes, of course.

What's going on?

You.

A man, Glenn.

Thank you.

What can I do for you, gentlemen?

We're investigating a possible homicide.

The body has been recovered from the bay, badly decomposed.

We're trying to establish an identity.

Here's about all we have to go on.

It's just possible those dentures were made here in San Francisco.

Possibly.

Not by me.

Oh? This was made in 42 -43, I would say. This metalwork is an alloy used

the war.

Temporary thefts it to.

I opened my lab in 52.

Why don't you try the university lab? They were operating then. Well, they're

much obliged.

Here's my card, just in case you think of something else.

Chief Ironside.

How is Aunt Victoria these days?

Aunt Victoria?

You're Victoria Ironside's famous nephew, Robert.

I've heard so much about you.

McPhee.

McPhee, why, uh, you must be, uh... Yes.

Rosalind's husband. Of course.

I was very sorry to hear of the death of your wife.

Thank you.

Must have been a terrible shock.

Well, not really.

She'd been ill then?

Rosalind? She had the constitution of an ox.

And somewhat the same physique.

She also had its bellow and all of its ill -tempered nature.

Strange way to be talking about one's recently deceased spouse.

Wouldn't you agree, Chief?

I'd agree.

Well, the truth of the matter is Rosamond's not dead at all. She's very

among the living.

There must be something new in your profession.

First, I confess to the non -death of my wife, and then I admit that I'm

probably the world's worst liar.

I can't remember being this confused.

Well, the explanation is simple.

My wife walked out on me, bag in baggage.

Chief, let me be brutally frank with you.

Our marriage was a farce. It was a perpetual fight.

Of course, we kept up a good face for our friends, but I'm afraid most of them

suspected the truth.

Well, in any event, a few months ago, Rosalind returned from the bridge club.

It was a tremendous outburst, and then and there, she walked out.

O -U -T.

Am I keeping you gentlemen from something important? No, no, go on, go

Well?

Rosalind did ask one thing of me.

Not to tell her friends. She had a thickening sense of pride. No one must

Well, I agreed and concocted this ridiculous story, which isn't very

imaginative, but as I say, I'm probably the world's worst liar. Where's Rosalind

now? I am delighted to report I have the faintest idea.

Not one word from her since she left. A condition bordering the sublime.

So that's what happened. Exactly.

And now you will promise me to keep Roslyn secret, which I think you'll

best all around. I'll agree.

Fine.

I've looked forward to meeting you for a long time, Chief Ironside.

Too bad it couldn't be under more, why shall we say, happier circumstances.

I understand.

I'm glad you gave us your confidence.

Sorry I couldn't help you with the dentures. Try University.

Thanks, we will.

Well, I declare today a holiday. No more work.

What do they want, Harvey?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

You're buying that?

You're buying that fish story?

You're changing your mind?

Well, it sure sounds... Unusual, but not implausible. Now who's changing his

mind? Not me.

I want a... You want a complete make on McPhee, the entire who, what, where, and

why.

And, Ed, it's an unbuttable case.

Do you like it, Val?

Oh, yes.

Yes, it's beautiful.

Well,

I can't understand what's keeping Gladys.

She's 15 minutes late already. She's always been punctual. She's very

isn't she, Victoria?

Gladys, you are late.

Sit down. Harvey McPhee has taken someone into his house.

Another woman?

Well, I passed the house on the way here just as he drove up with a woman.

Harvey began to unload dresses, valises, everything.

You must come and see for yourself.

Ladies, today is Tuesday.

On Tuesday, we play bridge.

Wait here. I'll be right back.

What are you doing down there?

I

don't

want you to ever come down here again.

All right.

We got a juicy morsel for you.

McPhee's secretary has moved into his house.

How'd you know?

Aunt Victoria.

She left a message, huh?

What do we know about the girl?

She lived in one of those female bachelor hotels.

Quiet. Few friends.

Spent most of her nights alone.

Worked for McPhee for seven years.

Thumbing up. The Nazi type.

McPhee? A blank. No police record.

Conservative to the point of being antediluvian.

That's my one solid piece of information.

If McPhee and Val Singleton had anything going, they kept it neatly to

themselves.

Well, Aunt Victoria, I'm just about to call you back.

I couldn't wait. I simply had to show you this.

Thank you.

The ledger Rosen kept for our Tuesday afternoon bridge club.

Harvey McPhee gave it to me when we went to pay our condolence call.

I went through it this morning for the first time. What about it? Rosen McPhee

was murdered Tuesday, July 14th at...

Approximately 5 .45 p .m. Can't possibly be sure of that, Miss Ironside. My dear

girl, Rosalind McPhee was a very precise individual.

A creature of habit, you might say.

We play bridge on Tuesday.

Rosalind collects the dues.

The first thing she does when she goes home is to enter the amount in the

immediately. Now, look, we played bridge on Tuesday, July 14th. The game ended

at 5 o 'clock and always does.

It would take Rosalind, oh, about half hour to get home, another few minutes to

get the ledger. Let's see here.

She's already entered the date, July 14th.

But there's no entry for the amount collected.

Something, someone interrupted her, and she never returned to finish the entry.

Who interrupted her?

Harvey McPhee. When?

5 .45.

July 14th. We're right in that house.

There's your proof of murder.

Now I must get on.

And Victoria, I've seen Harvey McPhee.

He claims Rosalind isn't dead. She just left him. That's ridiculous.

You can't believe that. I believe facts.

That's what I'm after. You asked me to investigate. I have and I am.

But there's nothing to investigate. No evidence of a crime. No official

complaint. Robert, you're not giving up the case.

That's the trouble. I can't.

I'm getting hooked on it myself.

But you are not to interfere. I don't want you or the ladies of the Tuesday

afternoon bridge club mixed up in this. Now, you do understand.

Oh, of course.

Keep your eyes and ears open.

But that's all.

Let the other genius in the family handle it, right?

Right. Right.

Fingers crossed.

Robert was very firm on this point. We are not to do anything to interfere with

his investigation.

It's to be handled very professionally, with Robert in charge, of course.

That does give one confidence, doesn't it?

As it should be.

It must be left to the professionals.

Well, I wouldn't want to get involved anyway.

It might be very dangerous.

Of course.

Yes, Victoria?

Robert did say we were to keep our eyes and ears open.

Well, beautiful day, Commissioner.

I think you know Mr. McPhee, Bob.

Yes, we've met.

He has a complaint.

Harassment and persecution by the department.

And the basis for the complaint?

Are you investigating Mr. McPhee? Well, I'm looking into the matter of his

wife's disappearance. Mr. McPhee tells me that it's just a separation by mutual

consent. Then he has nothing to worry about.

Well, I have nothing to hide.

My life is an open book. If Chief Ironside has any suspicions, he can...

Investigate to his heart's content.

However, I have no intention of idly standing by while a group of silly old

ladies go through some keystone cop routine, dogging my footsteps, invading

privacy, while they rediscover some long -lost thrills at my expense.

The ladies have somewhat overactive imagination.

If you don't stop them...

I shall go to the newspapers.

How do you think it will look? The great San Francisco Police Department has put

on a new undercover squad, average age 72.

Give my regards to Aunt Victoria.

What's going on?

Don't worry.

I'll call off the TABP. The what? Tuesday Afternoon Bridge Club.

Oh, but this time they met on Thursday.

Well, hello there.

Hello. I'm Victoria Ironside, an old friend of Mr.

McPhee's. Oh, how do you do? My goodness, what are you doing with all

buttons? Let me help you. Don't be silly. Let me help you. Come on.

My, it's a beautiful day, isn't it? Yes.

Yes, it is.

It's very kind of you. I do a good deed every day. Helps clear the silences.

Well, thank you very... Oh, it's a sign sign.

Here we are. Thank you.

Somehow it seems very different here without dear Rosalind.

She was an individual.

Neat, precise, everything in its face exactly.

Oh, her imprint is very deep on this house.

Well, I must be running along.

Thank you so much, Miss Isles. That's very kind. Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

Oh, Rosalind's favorite room.

Well, some people are like that.

I beg your pardon? Rosalind had a fetish for always keeping things in order.

Her personal stationery.

She always kept in this drawer.

There.

Stamps, her pen, her dress book, and her reading glasses.

Everything's still in place, as if she'd never left.

Well, we were very dear friends.

Yes, I understand.

I'm sure you do. And now, I really must be going. Thank you again.

Oh, Harvey's den.

You know, the many, many times I've been in this house, I have never been in

that room.

No, no, please.

You can't go in there.

Why not?

Well, Harvey's very strict about it.

Nonsense. He'll never know. One peek.

No. Oh.

Just one piece.

Well, well.

Will you look at this?

Did you ever?

Harvey says that this is where he can shut out reality and go back to those

wonderful days at the turn of the century. I've been through those

days.

The whole world smelled of horses.

You make such a fuss about it, Harvey.

He won't even let me go down to the basement.

The basement?

That door.

What's in it?

Oh, well, I don't know because I'm not allowed down there.

You can hardly remove the bulb.

No, we shouldn't.

That's why we will.

Are you down there though?

Hello? Oh, how do you do? This is Elmira Whittingham of Wilson, Burton, Sanker,

Willoughby Real Estate. Now, we understand your house may be up for

would like to acquaint you with our listing service.

Now, I'm very familiar with your district, and I'll have no trouble

people in your house. You see, when we take on a house, we really take it on.

Yes? Now, I'm very familiar with your district.

No, I'm not interested in this. The house is not for sale.

Here,

take this.

Remember, you've been shot. You've just got back.

Here's your bag.

Uh -huh. There you are.

Just a minute, just a minute.

Here's my telephone number. Call me at any time. Remember.

Oh, thank you. I'm your friend.

Thank you.

I will not tolerate this, Aunt Victoria.

Suspicion is one thing, but harassment, hounding a man, is going too far. I told

you not to interfere.

You told us to keep our eyes and ears open. I did not tell you to put on false

mustaches and play detective.

I did not tell you to let the Tuesday afternoon bridge club loose on an

unsuspecting and innocent community. Robert, we have a moral obligation.

Our friend, Rosalyn McPhee, was murdered. So far, there isn't a speck of

evidence.

Does a woman leave home voluntarily without taking such intimate, necessary

things as her address book, her personal stationery? It's possible.

Reading glasses?

Glasses.

They're still in the house.

How do you know?

I saw them.

You were in that house? I was.

Victoria, don't you have any sense at all?

If McPhee killed once, he can kill again.

Now, I'm not asking you. I'm giving you an order.

Don't you go near that place.

I know where you got that temper.

From your Uncle Henry on your mother's side.

Victoria, I... Very well, very well.

However, I see no reason why you can't take the benefit of what my friends and

have uncovered.

very angry with me, aren't you, Robert?

You're getting in over your head.

This isn't just another bridge game.

We never thought of it like that.

We may be past wearing miniskirts, but we do have full possession of our

and we'd like to help if we can.

Won't you accept that, even from nosy, old, busy bodies?

Nosy, definitely.

Busy, absolutely.

Old... Old... Never.

But I still want you out of my hair.

His fair child's a first -class peeping Tom. Other than that, nothing.

What about those other reports?

Gladys Prescott filed a complete chronology of a day in the life of Val

Singleton.

Doleville. I wish I could have seen this Bessie. What's her name?

Montague. Bessie Montague.

She stuck so close to McPhee, their shadows were waltzing. Listen to this.

9 -23, subject exited parking lot. 9 -27, subject entered drugstore,

package of candy mints.

9 .31, subject proceeded north on Powell Street. 9 .34, subject stopped before

Varsity Shop, entered, remained 17 minutes.

9 .51, subject proceeded north... Varsity Shop?

On Powell Street to... What would McPhee be doing at the Varsity Shop?

Well, he bought something, came out with a package.

But isn't that the mod shop that specializes in boys' clothes?

Yeah, on market near Powell.

McPhee doesn't have a son, does he? Well, then what would he be buying in

place? Let's stop asking questions and get some answers, aren't we? I have a

standing invitation to visit McPhee at home. Now's the time.

Got something?

Something I've got is so weird, so uncanny, that I can't possibly believe

would never happen.

The only trouble is, I'm convinced that it's had.

Val? Oh, yes.

Come into the den, please.

Yes, all right.

Harvey? How do you like it?

I think it will fit very well.

Good.

Chief, we busted a stakeout. What stakeout?

Oh, no.

Robert. What are you doing here, Aunt Victoria? Didn't we discuss not

interfering?

I called, but you'd left. The operator said you were coming here.

Robert. Agnes saw them leave.

Together, both of them. McPhee and Val.

She didn't fool me, not for a minute. And Val was dressed as a boy.

How did... Genius.

Runs in the family.

All right.

McPhee and the girl are gone. Now go you and do likewise.

Robert. Home.

Immediately. Get inside.

Lock the doors.

Stay put.

Disappear.

His mother was Welsh.

Well, what are you waiting for? Break it down.

Without a warrant?

Don't read me the book.

Look, I could get a court order from Judge Mackey. He doesn't live very far

here. It'd take maybe 20 minutes.

Mark, check the back. See if they've left the door or window open.

Right. Well, that's hardly likely, Chief.

You'd be amazed how careless people can be. It's up to the police to protect

them from their own mistakes.

Disappear, ladies!

The back window was busted.

Have a look at this.

Hmm.

Crime buff. Quite a collection.

Book. Has to be here by Dew, Inspector Dew.

Title? My years with Scotland Yard. Try the top shelf.

This what you're looking for?

Crippen, Crippen.

Crippen who?

Haven't you ever heard of Crippen, Hawley, Harvey, Crippen?

The murderer.

Point for you.

1910, London.

Keep going.

First criminal to be apprehended by means of the transatlantic wireless

Thank you, Grandpa.

Head of the class.

But what does Crippen have to do with McPhee? Crippen's wife, Cora,

suddenly from their home.

Crippen explained that she'd gone to California to be with her sick sister.

Under questioning, Crippen changed his story. She'd left for parts unknown.

Previous story was to protect her reputation.

Eve, close your mouth before you turn into your bridge of work.

The same. Exactly the same.

Shortly after, Crippen brought a woman into his house.

Incredible. When the heat was on, Crippen took off by ship for Canada with

girlfriend, Ethel and Eve. She was dressed as a boy.

McPhee's using the Crippen case as a blueprint.

Consciously? What do you mean?

Eve, I would like you to get Aunt Victoria and bring her back here. Mark,

up the morning paper. Ed, get a full crew over here and the medical examiner.

The medical examiner? What for?

We don't have a body. Mrs. Holly Harvey Crippen was buried in the basement.

Any conclusions?

Chief, I'm the medical examiner, not a psychiatrist.

But what you've described sounds to me as though it might be, and I say might

be, a case of paranoid dementia precox, schizophrenia.

The mind becomes completely disoriented.

Reality is a dream. The dream becomes reality.

The hallucination builds until the individual rejects his real self and

an entirely new person.

That's theory.

Not diagnosis.

I've got another theory.

I think he's as crazy as a fox. Fine.

Well, look.

Guy wants to get rid of his wife.

Now, why work out all the details himself?

All he has to do is read up on the Crippen case, a nearly perfect crime,

there he's got it. A blueprint.

Possible. But he figures that sooner or later we'll make the connection and

follow the Crippen lead while he skips off in another direction.

That adds up, too.

Can I get another theory for the same fee?

There goes my profit.

Let's get back to the psychotic idea.

McPhee believes he's Crippen.

But the girl with him isn't part of his dream world at all. She's Val Singleton

and no one else.

Now, what happens if she refuses to become part of McPhee's delusion? I

know. What would he do?

You're dealing with a mind under stress.

Add stress to stress.

We were right?

Behind the wall.

All right, make it official, Doc.

I gather you believe I can be of some help.

Victoria, you seem to have a burning desire to play detective.

Maybe you think it's fun.

We have found a body buried in the basement.

We need an identification.

Very well.

Yes, that's Rosalind.

Are you certain?

Rosalind McPhee, yes.

Good

girl.

Are you all right?

Thank you, I'm fine.

You still think he was put on by McPhee?

Yes, I do. Let me ask you this.

If McPhee is just using the Crippen case as a blueprint, why would he repeat the

one slip Crippen made in his almost perfect murder? Like what? Like bringing

Singleton into his home, making Rosalind's friends even more suspicious?

He wouldn't.

Unless he was impelled to do it by some inner drive beyond his control.

Ed?

Okay, I have to buy that.

That means McPhee and his girl are on the way to Canada.

I'll order a steak out at the airport.

Oh, wait.

Not until three.

Crippen went to Canada by boat, so will McPhee.

You all right?

She was a very dear friend, Robert.

Now, if it's any comfort, you did help us nail the killer.

Harvey, please, I don't really want to go.

The visitors are leaving.

We'll be on our way soon.

I'm getting off.

Harvey, please, let me go.

But you can't.

You have to stay with me.

I don't want to.

But we're together, Ethel.

The two of us.

Let me go.

The two of us, Ethel. I'm not Ethel. Why do you keep calling me Ethel? This is

the way it happens.

We leave together.

Harvey, please.

We sail to Canada.

To our new life together.

And then... Let me go.

What happens then?

Why don't we get there?

What happens?

Ethel!

Ethel!

Ethel!

Ethel! No, I'm not...

Some kook is the girl at the rail. He's threatening to toss her in the drink.

Don't come any closer!

They're not supposed to be here.

That's not the way it happened.

Harvey, please don't hurt me.

No.

Why would I hurt you?

I'll never hurt you.

It didn't happen this way.

Dr. Crippen.

You know me, Dr. Crippen?

Inspector Dew.

All the way from Scotland Yard. You expected me, didn't you?

Yes, I... Help me, please!

Val, be quiet.

Don't come near me!

Now, you can't hurt that girl.

She has to stay with me. She doesn't, though.

Not where you're going.

Remember the letter you wrote me, Dr. Crippen?

Your last, a very beautiful letter?

Yes.

Before they took me out, I wrote you a letter. You said Dazzle loved you.

You said your last thoughts were of her. She was innocent of any knowledge of

your crime. You said that.

She never knew.

She trusted me always.

There was one line in the letter.

Never once has she turned against me. For all that I unwillingly made her

I make this defense and this acknowledgement that the love of Ethel

the greatest thing that ever came into my life.

My only happiness.

Will you come with me now?

Of course.

This is the way it happens.

Dear friends of the Tuesday Afternoon Bridge

Club, we've come to the most exciting event of the year, the presentation of

annual award to our most honored member.

This year...

as I'm sure you all know by now, we are breaking tradition by using this

occasion as a means of honoring someone, well, not a dues -paying member, but a

member in spirit, comradeship, and sincerity.

Naturally, I take special pride in bestowing this honor upon someone so

me, so close to me, as my own dear nephew, Chief Robert Ironside.

Robert, I'd like to read the inscription on this lovely trophy.

To Robert Ironside, who plays the game with courage, imagination, and

intelligence. Our champion.

From the ladies of the Tuesday Afternoon Bridge Club.

For myself and the members of my team, thank you.

Thank you very much.

However, I can only accept on one condition.

This has been your first criminal investigation.

And your last. Of course, Robert. We promise.

Yeah.

This thing is heavy. Of course.

Borscht. And Victoria, do you really like this stuff?

I can't stand it. I only make it for you.

Thank you, Mark.

Thanks again, ladies.

Thanks again. Deal the cards. Deal the cards.

Cars 37 and 22.

Corner of Stockton and Gary.

Signal 32.

Proceed with caution.

Repeat. Proceed with caution.

Cars 37 and 22.

Corner of Stockton and Gary.

Signal 32.

Proceed with caution.