All language subtitles for ironside_s02e11_the_macabre_mr_micawber

Connie, after you put up the car, make a
pot of tea and bring it to the library.

A spider leg, I believe, is Chief
Ironside's favorite.

But to shoot it... Don't argue with me.
I'll ring you if I think of anything

else. But to shoot it's my night off.

What would you do with a night off?

What time is it?

The big hands on the seven, the little
hands on the ten.

We're gonna be late. Yeah.

Why did you turn left?

Well, when I asked you left, you said
right.

Then why didn't you turn right?

Because I thought you meant left was
right.

Say it again, Mark.

Again? When do I stop?

It's Iron Pod.

Horatio kept his appointment, all right.

But not with me.

Well, no sign of the house, man, or that
the place has been rifled. Pretty tidy

thief, if that's who it was. We'll get a
fix on that after we've checked the

insurance company's inventory.

Chief Boardman's shaking the house down.
Carney's definitely gone. We'll put out

an APB on him right away.

Motive is still up for grabs. How about
forced entry?

Well, the lock on the front door was
broken. I know that. What else? Just an

open window in the dining room.

And we're searching for footprints.

You won't find any.

It's been a long drive, Bill.

The grass was closely trimmed.

Well, Doc, death was instantaneous.

He was killed by a single blow on the
right side of the head.

Almost certainly with that poker.

How long ago?

Within the hour.

By that, when I arrived, there was no
blood coagulation around the wound.

Was the blow struck from in front or
behind?

I couldn't say. Not without an autopsy.

Good night.

You'd think the killer had to be someone
known to shoot to be boxed in with him

like that.

Not necessarily.

Could have been a total stranger.

A prowler he accidentally cornered in
here.

All right, Ed, stake out the house.

Right.

Fingerprints on the poker match latent
prints taken from glassware, dishes,

silver, you name it, found in a butler's
pantry. Have to be Carney's.

He probably used the poker eight months
of the year, Ed.

Fingerprints on the poker were bloody
prints.

Hasn't true up with the broken lock on
the front door.

No need for Carney to break into the
house.

Unless he wanted to make it look like a
prowler killing.

He did run.

No line on him yet? Not a trace so far.

Ironside. Chief, this is Borden.

The man we left at Chute's house last
night thought he heard a prowler.

Well? He searched the house but didn't
find anyone.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Of course, you've got the inventory of
all of Horatio's possessions.

All of course.

Well, then I suggest we find out if
there was a burqa.

Everything accounted for?

Everything down to the last one in the
guest house.

This end of the house checks out.

There's some servants' quarters
furnishings listed, but I doubt if

interest a burglar.

That assumption I can't buy.

We'll take a look at Carney's room.

These were in Kearney's medicine
cabinet.

May I join you?

Help yourself.

Eve? Ed?

Prescription on this bottle is dated the
first of the week.

Chronic gastritis.

Fresh fruit would tie him in knot.

Maybe his friends like it.

I don't think Carney ever had a friend.

Ed?

Two -day -old paper, oblong space in the
center of it.

Margins splattered with dried fruit.

And water spots.

Carney had a bird in here.

You're right, Ed.

A large, fruit -eating bird.

the budget.

Well, we found Carney.

Yeah, we found him.

All right, Mr. Platt, thank you very
much. We'll get back to you.

The day manager broke up the fight, but
he didn't get much of a look at the

other man. Hi, Gwitty.

Hey, take that crazy blackbird.

Dracula Religiosa, member of the
Starling family, Indian hill miner.

He also looks black to me.

A large fruit -eating bird.

He's worse than a screaming eagle.

Well, we just can't leave him sitting
there. I'm willing.

Get him back in his cage.

Who?

You.

Okay.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Yeah.

He is all yours.

Woman's work is never done.

Hold up.

Stop that. You scared the daylights out
of me.

Hi, sweetie.

Hi, sweetie yourself, you big bully.

You just don't dig his humor.

What he needs is a little sunshine.

What a cute whistle for the doggy.

Look, Mr. Carney, the question is not
did you pick up the poker. We know you

did. Your fingerprints are all over it
in blood.

Could be.

I just don't remember anything I did.

But you remember you didn't have a fight
with Mr. Shute. Kill him with the

poker. You're certain about that?

I told you I was.

Carney.

You're not helping us.

I don't want to tell you.

I found him about the time you came and
he was dead.

He could have let us in instead of
running off.

You have to understand that was the act
of a guilty man.

You had no reason to think you weren't
alone in the house with Mr. Shute.

What about enemies?

You want to know if there are any people
who might have wanted him out of the

way?

You've been living under the same roof
with him for a long time.

Not the same roof.

His roof.

Everything was his.

He never let me forget.

He never let you forget?

My place.

It's like a prison.

Why didn't you quit?

There are plenty of jobs for good
housemen. I'd be trading the skillet for

fire.

People are all the same when you have to
wait on them. Why did you go back to

that house last night?

Because I... I don't know. I chose to.

All right, now.

This fight at the hotel, what was that
all about?

Some crazy man knocks at the door and
then he came at me.

I don't know what I ever did to him.

People.

He didn't say why or...

What he was after?

He didn't say anything.

Anything we can do for you?

No.

Any questions we can answer?

No.

Yes?

in the carpet.

Your bird is well taken care of.

Carney

worked

for Old Horatio Shute for 20 years.

He hated every minute of it, but he hung
on.

Bends your mind if you think about it.

I am thinking about it.

A great deal.

Vicky's out of fire, Chief.

I can see that.

All right, let's get the fire
extinguisher out of here and back on the

Well, Chief, you missed all the fun.

My office catches fire and you call it
fun?

No fire, just smoke.

We have a smoke expeller operating.

Have the office clear in about ten
minutes.

I'll take that.

Where did it land?

Over there. I'll show you.

Chemical reaction.

Just a smoke bomb.

And?

Model RL, rifle launch.

And no question, Chief. Came through the
window.

All right, thank you, Lieutenant.

Mark, Ed, suppose we take a break in the
park.

We're going out for some fresh air.

Now let's put this so -called fire
together.

See how it shapes.

We open with Eve alone in the office.

A call comes in from communications.

I'm to report immediately to
Commissioner Randall.

Obviously a plot to get you out of the
office.

Obviously, since the commissioner knew
nothing about it.

From the time you left the office to the
arrival of the fire department... Could

only have been minutes, Chief. Yeah, but
long enough.

Yeah, for a bomb to fill the office with
smoke.

Why would any cat want to fake a fire?
With a lot less trouble, you could have

the real thing.

Because this cat only wanted to get
inside.

No one could just walk in and out of
there with all those firemen swarming

Could if he were masquerading as a
fireman.

Point is...

Point is, what was he after?

The bird.

Where is it?

I blew it.

Figured all the odds and still came up
empty.

The great Arnie Sims struck out?

How? Doesn't matter how.

We still don't have that crummy bird.

He should have done like I said earlier.

Just gone in and swiped it.

Walked through a building full of cops
carrying a birdcage.

I'm Connie McKay.

We'd like to ask a few questions.

Sure, fire away.

Mr. Alfred Carney says you sold him a
bird.

Carney.

Hmm.

Yeah, I think she's familiar.

He's a suspect in Horatio Schubert.

Oh, yeah, I remember reading about that.

The bird was an Indian hill miner.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, it talked up a storm.

You can say that again.

And again.

We have reason to believe that someone
else was interested in that particular

bird. Oh, yeah?

Who's that?

That's what we'd like to find out.

Well, uh... Yeah, yeah, it was someone.

A girl. A pretty girl. She didn't ask
for that bird in particular, but, um...

She got all shook up when I told her I
didn't have a talking mind.

Thank you, Mr. McKay.

Oh, well, you're entirely welcome,
Chief. Anytime, anything to help the

Oh, uh, Chief, um... I just happen to
think, um... I mean, uh,

under the circumstances and all, uh...

You think that Carney might be willing
to sell him? I mean, the bird, you know,

back to me?

No, I doubt that the owner will be
interested.

But I'd be glad to pass your proposition
along to him.

Well, thanks a lot.

It looks as if our killer has an
accomplice.

A pretty girl.

I've seen some weirdos, but that guy
McKay copped the cookies.

Friendly enough?

And willing to help the police, despite
his prison record.

I give up. How?

How what?

How do you look at a guy and know that
he's done time?

The way he spoke.

He kept hiding his lips so we couldn't
see them.

Cons to that when they're supposed to be
observing silent periods.

Right. Uh -huh.

Thank you.

Bye -bye.

Sure.

The chief was right.

Don't look so surprised.

In and out on three charges of larceny.

Five years ago, according to his
probation report, he opened a pet shop.

He's been clean ever since. Good for
him.

However, experience has taught me to
regard penitent sinners with a degree of

caution. What did he do?

He wants to get Connie's bird back.

Maybe we should put out an APB.

Why the queue?

This is not fun and games time, Eve.

It all ties in.

It does? Yeah, I give you Horatio Shute,
I give you Alfred Carney, and I give

you Robert Ironside. Now, what do we
have in common?

Violence.

Shute was murdered, Carney was beaten,
and your office was bugged. The common

denominator behind the violence?

At one time or another, each one of you
had that bird.

And now McKay comes in and wants it. And
as of this moment, seated in this

chair, in this office, at this point in
time, what do I want?

To know what that bird knows.

Hi, sweetie.

What do you say, Mac?

Luda! Luda!

Luda! Luda!

Yes? This is Elder Thompson with the
Herald of Hope magazine.

No, he's very busy today. Perhaps you
could call back later in the week.

A woman reporter. I told her to call
back. Good.

He sure is hooked on these grapes.

Whistle for the doggy.

He's hooked on any fruit that's soft
enough.

These birds are always hungry.

As long as you feed him, he keeps
talking. So it seems.

Fly the cue.

I tweet. That seems to be the extent of
his vocabulary.

I tweet, whistle for the doggy, and fly
the cue. Fly the cue. Is he trying to

say fly the coop?

Possibly. Fly the cue.

Cue.

How many words sound like Q?

Well, there's Q like in a play.

Dramatic. And there's Q, you know, a
Chinese pigtail.

Cosmetic. Q isn't pool.

Sporting.

I... No, I don't think Mr.

McCobber's Q falls in any of those
categories.

All right, if it's not dramatic,
cosmetic, or sporting, where does it

I'd say... Detentions.

Hey. Big Q welcomes you, Chief.

San Quentin has been waiting for you
with open arms.

I know a lot of people up here.

Wish I could say it was nice to see you
again.

If you said it, I wouldn't believe it.

There you go again, being cynical.

It must be awful not to have any faith
in your fellow man.

Sometimes it keeps me awake at night.
See?

I sleep like a baby.

Maybe what I need is a hobby.

You?

I thought your hobby was ribbing up
innocents.

Like me. You? I hear you've become quite
an animal trainer.

Yeah.

I started with fleas, and I'm working my
way up to elephants.

Oh, some guys paint, others carve, make
belts, and I... You train birds.

Ah.

Ain't no law against it.

I mean, I need the breath of my canteen
fund.

Did you know that Connie McKay bought
your last bird?

I'm not surprised. He buys lots of stuff
the guys make up here.

Groms, what do you hear from Arnie Sims?

Hey, knock it off, chief.

Can't you hop on anybody besides Sims?

You fuzz never give up, do you? I never
give up trying to understand what makes

you a sucker.

You've been here two years waiting for a
trip to the green room.

And Arnie?

Arnie's on the outside having a ball.

Look, I don't know what you're talking
about.

I never knew Arnie Sims.

And I never killed that guard.

And you never heard of an armored truck?

And you never heard of $250 ,000?

We were never able to tie Sims in with
Groans on that heist and murdering that

guard.

What would make you think...

We could do it now.

I appreciate that editorial we.

Well, maybe the royal we is rubbed off.

Ed, a good cop learns from his mistakes.

Up to now, I always figured that after
the heist, Sims took the money.

Yes.

You may find it hard to believe, but
there is a remote possibility.

But I may have been mistaken.

In the time you've had him, what have
you taught him to say?

Nothing new. That takes a while.

And he could already say the things he
says now when you got him from McKay's

pet store.

Yes, sir.

But I did teach him to imitate an auto
horn.

We noticed.

What are you going to do with me now
that I'm up and around?

Gonna put me in another prison?

You didn't really kill Horatio, did you?
Of course I didn't. Well, then you're

free, Carney.

After all those years, you're finally
free.

To do what?

Oh, anything.

You are your own man.

Thank you.

Where would I go?

There's a whole world waiting for you.

That's what you wanted, isn't it? Yes,
of course.

Except... What about the house?

Jude's house?

Your prison?

It would be a place to stay.

For a while.

Perhaps I... could fix it with the
executor of the estate.

For a while.

Yes, just for a while.

Goodbye, Carney.

All right, sweetie.

Couldn't I take him with me? Oh, I'm
afraid not.

We're keeping him for a few days.

Mark?

Mark?

You think you're going to be all right
alone?

Mark, no man is ever alone.

Chief, she's here now, in person. The
reporter who's been calling for an

interview. I'll say this for her, she's
persistent and predictive.

Miss Whitfield, one of your more
important jobs is to protect me from

unnecessary interruptions.

Tell her I'm busy.

Just a minute, E.

You say she's a pretty girl?

Quite pretty.

On the other hand, when have we ever
neglected our friends of the Fourth

Bring her in.

Want to come in?

This is Elder Thompson, Chief. She's
from the Herald of Hope magazine.

Won't you sit down, Miss Thompson?

Thank you.

Well, as you probably know, our magazine
is published by the Northeastern

Orthopedic Foundation.

We'd like to do a story on you.

Most flattering.

But why me?

Because you are an outstanding example
of Will triumphing over a handicap.

I assume my good friend Dr.

Wright put you up to this.

The president of the foundation.

And how is Dr. Cummings?

His assistant.

Well, he's not with us anymore. He's
doing research in Australia.

Yes, I believe I did read that
somewhere.

Well, we might as well get started.

Well, I'm not really prepared to. I...

Just wanted to make an appointment.

Well, then, how about tomorrow?

Oh, that'd be fine.

Ten o 'clock in the morning?

Yes.

Hi, sweetie.

Pleasure to meet you.

I see you keep a parrot.

Parrot?

Hardly. That's an ugly, banana -eating
cousin of a crow. I think he's

See you tomorrow, Miss Thompson.

Thank you.

Here it is, Chief.

Thanks.

All right.

Let's start the floor show.

Assume Grom's in prison.

Knows where he stashed the loot from the
armored car robbery. Arnie Sims free on

the outside, doesn't.

Grom's, whose cut might keep him out of
the gas chamber, had to get the

information out to Sims.

On death row, correspondence is a little
difficult.

Right. So being a creative fellow,
Grom's got a feathered carrier, but not

pigeon. Mr. Macabre.

Fly the cue.

That's right.

But a car accident put Sims in the
hospital.

And Carney got the bird.

Hi, sweetie.

And Sims found out who had Mr. Macabre.
He broke into the house, shoot,

surprised him, and was killed.

Fly the cue.

Fly the cue.

That's Grom's appeal for help.

To fly the Q means to get out of San
Quentin.

Whistle for the doggy. Whistle for the
doggy. Is he telling us to do something?

I doubt it.

Why? For one thing, we don't have a
doggy.

He could be telling us to get something.

A whistle, maybe? Sure, one of those
little doggy whistles.

The kind that only dogs can hear.

Supersonic.

Makes the kind of sound reproduced by a
high tweeter.

High tweeter, high tweeter.

Mr. McCarver was calling for a whistle
like this one.

Well, now for the moment of truth.

You can't win them all.

Ding dong bell.

Ding dong bell.

There's a giant step.

Ding dong bell.

Pussy's in the well.

Precisely.

Mr. McCobber with an assist from Officer
Whitfield.

And it told us where Grom hid the money.

Ed, I want a list of all the business
properties in a three -block area of the

scene of that armored car robbery.

I'll have it for you yesterday.

A bird man.

He's worth two in a bush.

Wrong. This bird is worth $250 ,000.

Good morning, Chief. Morning,

Eve. This hat box came for you this
morning. For me, here at headquarters?

Yes, perhaps you have a secret admirer
who doesn't know where you live.

We listened to it, didn't take it. It's
not a box.

Oh, good grief.

Take it back. It is a box.

Oh, this is ridiculous. It's built to
me.

Hello, this is Eve Whitfield. I just
received a hat.

No, I didn't order it.

And if I wanted to wear a hat, I
certainly wouldn't wear that one, I

Tell them, Tiger. She's not going to pay
for it, and they can pick it up at any

time. No, I will not pay for it. And you
can pick it up at your convenience.

Yes, that's my final word.

Minority opinion acknowledged. Mr.
McCobber thinks you should keep it.

Well, he can have it for a nest, as far
as I'm concerned.

I don't know how they come in.

I'm not sure it isn't, Detective.

I shouldn't be all surprised.

Oh, hello, Miss Thompson.

Mark, you've been waiting to work on the
engine of the paddy wagon.

It's going to take an hour. Just tell me
when it goes wrong.

You've got an hour. One hour.

Good morning, Miss Thompson. Come in.
Come in. Please have a chair.

Oh, you're very giving me a start.

He'll do that.

Perhaps we could leave without his
comments, Eve.

You're hardly my idea of a medical
letter.

Nice of you to say that, Chief Ironside.

Actually, I'm not.

We have doctors who act as consultants
for our staff.

I see.

Well, now, I've jotted down a few
questions.

Shall we get started?

Just a moment, please.

Eve, I think you'd better go downstairs
and review the Carter case.

The Carter case?

That's right. Remember the Carter case?

Yes, of course.

It's a matter of procedure.

Right, Chief?

Now, Miss Thompson, you were probably
interested in criminal investigation

the medical client, right?

Exactly.

Now, I can tell this is going to be a
very efficient interview.

We hope so, Miss Thompson.

Now, a case that comes to mind in that
regard happened a couple of years ago.

The newspapers covered it quite well.

Matter of fact, I can probably save you
a great deal of time by breaking out my

files. They're in the next room, if
you'll excuse me. Of course.

Just need a moment to locate it.

Sorry.

You'll, uh, find some of my personal
notes in there, and perhaps I can add a

personal observations to spice up your
story.

Wonderful.

Oh.

This is exactly what I've been looking
for.

How perceptive of you to hit it on it
immediately.

We try. Feel free to ask.

I'm Dorton. I'm here for Mrs., uh...

Whitefield or something like that. Miss
Whitfield, here it is.

Thank you. You're welcome.

All right, Miss Thompson, let's get on
with it.

Thank you, sir.

I had no idea you kept such meticulous
files.

All I have to do is study them and
abstract the material I need for the

There's no need to waste any more of
your valuable time, Chief Ironside. But

it's a pleasure, Miss Thompson.

Well, thank you. Thank you again.

I'll call you for another appointment.

Of course.

What are you doing here?

I brought you the file on the Carter
case.

Look in the gate.

Why that dirty bird napper?

She didn't take it. The messenger did. I
never did trust her. Neither did I.

Well, then why did you send me out to
look up a case that's been closed for

years? What was the Carter case?

Well, there was this lady newspaper
photographer.

She told this actress that Piketty, I
waited in the lobby for her, and I

followed... Hi,

sweetie. I think you're cute, too. But
tell us, where is all that beautiful

money? By the queue.

That I dig.

Grom wants to blow the queue scene.

What's with that whistle for the doggie
bit?

Whistle for the doggie.

You're a big help, baby.

To you, too, sweetheart.

Oh, and I think how we knocked ourselves
out to get that buzzard. Shut up,

Elder. I just want to tell her
something.

Listen, I have news for you, honey.

This whole ball of wax is just to put
on. Forget it. Let him buy his own

If you don't shut up, Elder.

and I'm coming.

Hi, Arnie. Long time.

How'd you find me?

You're hiding out? I didn't know I was
supposed to find you.

I didn't know that Arnie Sims sleeps
here in front of the building either.

Oh, your friends can always find you if
they really want to.

What made you want to find me?

A little bird.

I don't know what you're talking about,
baby.

Come off it, will you, Arnie?

I come here to help you out.

What do you mean, help? I had that bird
in my shop for three weeks.

His patter really cut a groove in my
brain.

So, uh, how are you going to help me?

You want to find out where Grom's hid
that money?

We're partners.

Bring the bird out here.

Some days you can almost make a buck out
of that pet shop.

Here's the list of properties.

The ones around the robbery site.

All these places were closed.

Right.

They've been closed since the day of the
heist. Yes, sir.

And they're all within ten minutes of
the robbery.

Good. Spencer Motel, Delight,
Delicatessen, W &W Electric, a pre

A pre.

That means the well in French.

Sure doesn't look like much.

Yeah, it was prettier in Fort Knox.

Cromes and I used to get smashed there
plenty of times before they closed it

down.

You'd better get off the street.

See anything?

Hang on to me, McKay.

Drop

it,

Samson. Put up your hand.

You too, McKay.

story now.

Why did you ask me to meet you here?

I thought you'd want to know we caught
the man who murdered Mr. Shue.

He did?

Well, that doesn't bring him back, does
it?

Perhaps you'd be interested to learn
that your favorite pet shop owner was

in on this. He's in jail.

Mr. McKay?

Oh, that's too bad.

Too bad for all the little creatures
shut up in these cages. They sure made a

racket. Well, they must be hungry. Oh,
yes, look.

And they're thirsty.

Oh,

look at these cages here.

Well, I don't think they've been clean
in a week.

As I was saying, too bad the McKay's in
jail.

Yes, that's right.

Well, what's going to happen to them?

To whom?

What do all these little creatures have
set up in these cages?

I have no idea.

Well, somebody's got to take care of
them and feed them and give them water

pet them so that they'll be happy, won't
you? But I could do it.

Get a caretaker to stay in Mr. Shute's
house.

Well, I think I might get McKay's
attorney to make you custodian of the

the time being.

You could?

Ed, give Mr. Carney the key.

Mr. Carney, there's something else you
should know.

Mr. Shute remembered you in his will.

Mr.

Carney. Mr.

Shute left you $10 ,000.

It's here.

Now, over $10 ,000, I could buy this
shop, couldn't I?

It's your money.

Could I keep Mr. McCarver now?

Of course.

Whistle for the doggie.

Of course, it would be a great blow to
my staff.

But we'll make the sacrifice, all right?

Thank you very much.

You have the keys.

See you around, Bert.