Original subtitles

Chief. I hope you're not trying to walk.

Of course not.

All right. Let's get these braces off and get me into the shower.

Chief, you all right?

Dreaming, I guess.

What's the matter?

I don't know. I'll be all right.

I guess I spilled last night.

Doc Sterling said you'd have some pain for a while, but he didn't say it would

be like this.

You're in a cool twin.

What are you doing?

Calling Doc Stern, that's what I'm doing.

It'll pass.

He ought to have a look at you.

Get me Doc Stern at his house. Tell him we'll meet him at his office.

Yes, I know what time it is.

What are you doing?

Chief?

You're not supposed to have any feeling in your legs.

All right, there is a chance.

Could be sympathy pain, could be memory pain. Most likely one or the other.

But it is also barely possible that a spontaneous fusion and regeneration has

begun.

If we take an operation, rather difficult.

With considerable post -operative pain to find out. You're talking about

sightseeing inside my spine.

Well, that's a pretty fair description of what it might turn out to be.

There's another possibility.

I could come out worse than I went in.

What's worse than a wheelchair?

A Bach.

You're scheduled for tomorrow.

Oh, now look. And you and I and the daisies are all fresh.

Why so fast? I mean, I'm in the middle of a case.

Now I've seen everything.

Scared? You know me better.

I know my patients. Happens all the time.

They come into the office and I explain the possibilities and they say, oh,

sure, sure, and make little jokes about me using a clean knife and staying

sober. Then I get them in here and I tell them tomorrow.

Oh, no, no, no, it can't be tomorrow. Cousin Thornton is coming in from San

Leandro tomorrow and Wednesday is sister -in -law's anniversary. The next day is

big dance at the armory. No, not tomorrow, never tomorrow.

But I must say, in the middle of a big case, a new one on me. It's my spine.

So, you tell me when.

You're right, Ben.

You can do anything you like.

Anything except walk.

When, Bob?

Tomorrow.

See you first thing in the morning.

TV station KRAL. This is Les Crane speaking to you from St. Mary's

We're here today to interview San Francisco's most famous policeman,

chief of detectives Robert T. Ironside, now serving the city as special

consultant to the police.

As you all know, a little over a year ago at this time, Chief Ironside was

by a sniper and paralyzed from the waist down.

Not to be overcome by a small obstacle like paraplegia, Chief Ironside solved

his own case.

And put his attempted killer behind bars.

He's here at St. Mary's today to undergo an exploratory operation to determine

whether or not he'll be able to walk again.

Well, how do you feel, Chief?

Lass, they ought to take away your microphone for asking an old chestnut

that. Well, I see you haven't changed much lately.

If you do get on your feet again, what'll be the first thing you do?

Probably sit down.

Chief, we've been hearing a lot of rumors.

Just how risky is this operation?

I'll let my doctor quote the morning line on that one.

As a policeman, I've known the people of San Francisco for over 20 years. I've

arrested some, called some bad names, and been called some bad names back.

Main thing is, I would like to thank all of the people of San Francisco for

taking the time to write and wish me luck.

I not only got sacks of mail, I got a few telegrams.

Here's one.

Wishing you nearly every success.

Big Len and the boys in C -Block, Folsom, California.

A lot of these letters are from people who say they wish there was something

they could do to help me.

Well, there is.

In fact, it's the reason for this interview.

This man, we want him.

When I come out of the recovery room tomorrow, nothing could please me more

to learn that while I was out, Somebody in San Francisco not only saw him, but

had the good sense not to try to grab him and called a policeman who did the

dangerous job he's paid to do.

Well, that's all, and thank you very much.

Thank you, Chief.

All right, that'll do it.

Listen, we'll get it to the lab and have it on the 11 o 'clock show tonight.

Unless I want this sketch to have plenty of air time.

That was our deal.

Now, before anyone leaves, I would like to say how sorry I am if I've caused any

disruption in the hospital routine.

But all of this has a purpose.

To find the man who held up your pharmacy and killed that guard.

Now, he'll make a mistake, I promise you.

And when he does, he'll be caught.

Now, here's how you can help.

Just as infection causes changes in the performance of the body, so crime, even

attempted crime, causes changes in the operation of institutions.

Now, I want to know all about such changes, no matter how insignificant

seem. Any unusual event, any deviation from routine, anything that usually

happens one way and now happens another, please tell me or one of my assistants.

Thank you for your patience.

That concludes this morning's entertainment.

Yes, lady?

Well, what you said about it never happened before.

Maybe it doesn't mean anything.

Probably doesn't mean anything.

Probably I'm going to pop a cork unless you two start making sense.

Now, who are you?

Tina Kendall.

I'm Nina. I'm Tina. We're twins.

You supplied the first piece of coherent information.

You better tell the rest.

It's just a skinny pig. You see, we do operations.

Oh, now, skinny pig. And hamsters. All the student nurses do.

It's the teacher's anesthesia and OR procedures.

Well, this morning, it was a guinea pig, and it died.

The operation was a failure.

There wasn't any operation.

We started the anesthetic, and Bing, the poison, was dead.

Miss Prefogle, she's the OR instructor, said nothing like this ever happened

before. She said we goofed. Impossible.

But it was unusual.

I mean, it never happened before.

That's why we told you.

Did we do right?

Yes.

Yes, you did right. Check into it, will you, Eve?

Thank you, ladies.

All of you.

Dr. Crossman, telephone, please.

Well, nice of you to stop in, Chief.

How are you feeling?

I've been hurt worse than this in some of the fights I've won.

Well, rest up. I intend to.

By the way, when's your big game?

Tomorrow morning.

Do me a favor.

Sure. Don't give Doc Stern too much help. Just let him run the operation his

way.

Okay.

By the way, who's your insurance made out to?

Me.

Nothing wrong with this patient, Eve. Let's get back to work.

Oxygen tank's empty.

Anyway, cyanide gas isn't inflammable.

I'll be unscared. What if it doesn't work?

Sandy, you touched it yourself.

Yes, but honey, that was different. It was a guinea pig.

Sure, it's different.

Guinea pig's only one -half percent mad.

So, use one -half percent as much gas.

Come on.

Let's not talk about it.

I'll make sure it's a reserve tank.

That way they'll use it in the middle of the operation. When the iron side will

be completely out, they won't be able to smell anything.

Before the anesthesiologist has a chance to know what's going on, it'll be over.

It'll be his death again, Dick.

Fifteen for two and three is five.

Well, hello, Eve.

Dinner time.

Am I allowed food tonight? I checked with Dr. Stern on what you could have.

Thanks a lot.

He also said one drink would be all right.

He was wrong.

It would be essential.

What's happening?

Nothing new on the hospital employees.

Yesterday's visitors were clean as far as we've been able to tell.

And nothing's happened today.

A washout. What about the dead guinea pig?

Well, I talked to that Miss Profogal. She said that it just died.

One of those things.

These are student nurses, and maybe they weren't as careful.

They doing autopsy? No, there didn't seem to be any reason to.

Well, there's a reason now.

Well, we can't now.

The corpus delecti went out with the morning trash.

Why are you so interested in a dead guinea pig? Because it's dead.

Where's Ed?

Running down sightings.

Couldn't you have spotted a more distinctive looking murderer?

I did my best.

You always do.

I should put that on your epith.

That's not a bad epitaph.

Robert D.

Ironside, he did his best. Oh, shut up. Is this one of the times when I pretend

we're out of eyes?

It is.

I swore I wouldn't do this.

It's just that I... I'm worried.

If it makes you feel any better, me too.

I want to see you walk again, Chief.

Me too.

If anything happens... Miss Whitfield, you're a police officer. Now start

like one.

I am a woman.

And somebody I...

All right, somebody I love is... I can cry if I want to. I'm off duty.

You can go home in a week, if you like. But what?

It means that there's no reason that you can't live a full and productive life.

It means that when you leave here, you can do anything you like. Anything

except... Hey.

Time for the news.

Thank you, sister.

Well, I see you haven't changed much lately.

If you do get on your feet again, what'll be the first thing you do?

Probably sit down.

Chief, we've been hearing a lot of rumors.

Just how risky is this operation?

I'll let my doctor quote the morning line on that one.

You know, they're always saying, why don't we do more of that?

You know why it doesn't work?

Because... You don't get a rating.

But if you tie it to a story about a cantankerous, crusty, obstreperous

old cop who's having an operation... That's exposure.

A lot of these letters are from people who say they wish there was something

they could do to help me. Well, there is.

In fact, it's the reason for this interview.

This man...

No, I don't know who he is or where he is.

But he can't move around anymore without being recognized.

He is trapped.

That's all, and thank you very much.

Thank you, Chief.

Anything?

Not yet.

I heard somewhere that some patients were entitled to wine with their meals.

I thought after the delivery, a glass or two might be good for Carol.

Don't you?

Well, I'll see what I can do.

Thanks.

Oh, Ernie.

Hello, Father.

Have you eaten yet?

Yeah, Carol couldn't eat, so the kitchen gave me her dinner.

Ernie, you should have taken her to a doctor during the pregnancy.

Nah, she'll be all right.

She's a good girl, and she does just what I tell her. And I said, baby, you

in there and drop that kid.

And that's just what she's going to do.

Ernie, I want to talk about you and Carol. Oh, now, wait a minute. Please,

Father. Let's not go through that marriage bit again. We've been through

already. Are you sure?

I'm sure.

Don't you love her?

Yes, I love her.

Well, then.

are you so interested in the dead guinea pig?

Because he's dead.

Because he's dead.

Because

he's dead.

I don't get this. Why are you so interested in the dead guinea pig?

Answer, because he's dead.

Tell me you never said that.

It was intended as a joke, sir.

Was it intended that I should laugh?

It's a very bad joke.

And the wrong end.

Sorry, sir.

Never apologize. I told you that.

No excuse.

That's enough.

No excuse, sir. Don't be an echo, Sergeant.

The answer.

Why is the guinea pig important?

What is distinctive about a guinea pig?

Well, speak up. It's not going to help if I tell you the answer.

Think. Think.

I'm thinking. Why is the guinea pig important?

Why does a chicken cross the road? Why do firemen wear red, white, and blue

suspenders? How did you ever get on the force?

The bank examiners are coming.

The bank examiners are coming.

Bank examiners are coming.

The bank examiners are coming.

The bank examiners are coming.

Bank examiners are coming.

You all right, Chief?

My examiners are coming.

Chief, you all right?

Yeah.

That's right.

Miss Dillon's entitled to six dozen diapers the first month and four dozen

month after that.

Now, frankly, I think that should include laundry service.

But I'm not the sort of guy who complains about aid to unwed mothers.

Right. Thanks.

Dead? I gotta see Ironside.

Let me go!

Now you listen. Let me go.

Listen to me.

She's dead. Let me go.

Chief Ironside's wife made a bet on his getting a good night's sleep.

You're not going in.

If I let you go, you're gonna talk quietly. You understand that?

You understand?

Now who's dead?

And it's going to be you if you holler.

Carol's dead.

Your girl.

It was just to have a baby.

People don't die from that. It's a natural thing.

So he's dying.

You ever think of that?

Not Carol.

What'd she ever do to anybody except love people?

What happened?

She died.

That's what happened.

Something got tangled.

Cord.

They waited as long as they couldn't.

Then they operated.

You tell me why.

I don't know, Ernie.

I want to see Ironside.

He doesn't know either.

You want to know what he'd say?

He'd say, what next, Ernie? What do you do now?

She's dead.

But you're alive.

I would have made it for her someday.

She's run out of some days. You've got to make it for yourself now.

Oh, walk away.

I mean, you've walked away from everything else. Your folks.

Colleges, I remembered. A couple of jobs you never could hold a job. I have a

son now.

You don't walk away from your son.

Take care of yourself.

Open for two.

Now, don't you rush me.

Aren't you feeling tired?

How many?

I'll take three.

Three.

Three. And two for the... Mila.

You will need help.

I... No,

thank you.

30 days.

I can't even beat you when you're tired.

Oh, Mr. Clark.

They told me I'd have to see you, sister.

What about?

My son.

They won't let me have him.

The law says that... The law?

He's my own flesh and blood.

If that were a matter of public record, there would be no problem. Well, I'm

making it a matter of public record. I am the father.

Ernie, you're too late. What do you mean, too late?

I want my kid.

I want my kid!

Nobody's deliberately trying to make problems for you. Nobody's trying to

you. But you didn't declare paternity when you brought Carol here. Well, I'm

declaring it now.

There's no corroboration of that fact.

No corroboration?

Of course there is.

Ask her.

She'll tell you. There's never been anyone else. You ask Carol.

Good man.

I couldn't sleep.

How about you?

I slept.

I had a crazy dream about the bank examiner's coming.

That sounds like the Carlton case, the embezzlement. Remember?

Yeah.

Manual of Police Procedure 1961.

Now, why read a book you wrote?

Sierra Grail.

Harry Steinberg.

From up in Planet of Air. Oh, yeah.

He gave it to me.

He was always after me to go to this great little fishing lake he knew about.

It was right near that place we got the great trout.

It was called Little Big Pond.

You have to hike up to it.

I always told him, next year.

Well, I thought I'd breed up on it and guess I got a chance to go.

Well, listen, maybe I'll go with you, okay?

You think you can walk without making a lot of noise?

Well, I never had any complaints in the Marines.

Just one more, Robert.

When this is over, I'll owe you so many lollipops.

What's this one? This is pre -op.

Guaranteed to have you grog and thinking lovely woozy thoughts when the big

moment comes.

Is that a standard dose?

No, we're going to name the dose after you. From now on, when we give pre -ops,

it'll be half an ounce, three quarters of an ounce.

You should be honored.

Dr. Muncie to practice, please.

Listen, we're not going to stick around while you're in there. We've got work to

do. Tell me about the Carlton cases.

There's something about it that... We're going through the inventory sheets for

the whole hospital.

The whole hospital got inventory?

The day after the holdup. They do it on the same day every month.

That's interesting.

Something that...

Can't even think straight. Who could with what you've got in you?

What is this? Everybody get up early today?

Such a beautiful day. You thought you'd walk.

Yes, sir.

There's an answer in me, somewhere I can't... It's a drug, Chief.

And what is it going to pick? Tell me.

It's a rodent.

I've got a card and a chalk line in my desk drawer.

I'll get them.

I guess it's a Charleston bed, didn't it?

Did what, Chief?

It's in somewhere. He's a cashier and...

And he was in on a hold -up.

Now, will you please stop talking?

Oh, God.

It'll be all right.

The drug's taking hold.

I hear you, you know.

Dad?

Yes, Chief.

Maybe we should bring in Pierce.

He knows about it.

Chief Peterson's dead.

You've got Harry Steinberg.

Who's he?

Going fishing.

Inventory.

That's important.

We'll take care of it, Chief.

Chop flies in the drawer.

Inventory.

Fish mean.

Harry Peterson.

As far as we can go, Chief.

Ed. See you later.

Something's wrong.

What's wrong?

Something's wrong.

Chief, what's wrong?

Wrong.

Bank examiners are coming.

They're coming.

God bless you.

Coffee break, Joanne. Thank you, Miss Prescott.

Yeah?

He's in surgery now.

Great.

All right, Robert.

Bank examiners are coming.

The bank examiners are coming.

What does that mean?

I wish I knew. I don't think he knew either.

It was the drug.

Maybe he was trying to tell us something. Funny, I had the same

what?

You want a tie?

One more.

If you don't understand what he said... Then we'll find out.

He told us, if you don't know, ask.

And if you have no one to ask, ask each other.

All right. Same as that.

All right.

Now, exactly what did he do? He hid it somewhere.

What? Something at, on, or near the oxygen tank. But what?

Where is it? Probably still in the hole. Do you think?

He said, look, maybe we should.

You want a tie?

Yeah, please.

Hey, here.

Cigarette butt. With lipstick on it.

What's that got to do with watch out for the bank examiners? No, he said the

bank examiners are coming. That's from the Carlson case.

Carlson was a cashier.

He was shorting his accounts.

And the examiner was coming.

A holdup to cover a shorted.

There was going to be an inventory in the pharmacy.

Yeah, but how do you tie that to a cigarette in an oxygen tank?

I'm ready to change over. Fifteen seconds.

Nobody in a hospital smokes near oxygen.

Then it wasn't oxygen.

Then somebody knew it wasn't.

The guinea pig. The pharmacist.

You can't come in here.

That's not oxygen.

Hey, what are you doing?

Almond. Cyanide.

Shut that thing off.

How much reserve in that tank?

Two minutes, tops.

Fresh tank, eh?

Well, there's time to test it.

You fellas clear out.

No. Oh.

You're entitled to a lawyer.

And you're not required to say anything until you have one.

Anything you like?

Anything except water.

You're sure?

If there were any more tests, I'd have run them before. I'd be running them

I'm sorry, Pop.

Forget it.

Father Dugan says you win a few and you lose a few.

Sometimes I think you're lucky to break evening.

You have a few visitors, eh?

Thought under the circumstances, you might not... Send him in.

Certainly.

Now, Ben.

Thank you very much.

That was my line. What's the word?

The word is, we go on as before.

Now, what's the latest on Albie?

I guess you didn't hear me.

We go on as before.

Now, what about Albie?

We picked him up.

In a bus station about an hour ago.

Oh, some woman recognized him on the television show and she called the

He's waiting for you downtown.

Good work.

Now, how did you figure out about the guinea pig?

You mean what is a guinea pig? A guinea pig... Is an animal used in an

experiment.

Which is exactly what they did.

Now, since you've all done so well, perhaps you can tell me something I

figured out.

Anytime.

The narcotic shortage that triggered the holdup and started the whole thing.

Was the boyfriend a user or a seller? Little of both, as far as we can tell.

thought we'd leave something for you to solve.

And I will if I get a chance to get dressed.

Now, why don't you people go and sign me out or do whatever it is you have to do

to get me out of here? Mark!

I'm packing.

Dr. Crossan, telephone, please.

Dr. Carson, telephone, please.

Hey, there.

How'd you do?

Beautiful. You'll be walking in six weeks.

Well, he can walk downtown and buy us all a drink.

As for you, Ann, I advise you to run right out and buy a whole bunch of

tickets.

Thanks, Gene.

Don't forget that drink.

Yes, Father.

Well, Ernie. Chief, guess what?

According to the child welfare law, Article 4, Slant 5, if I claim

they can't put my son up for adoption until the claim is disposed of, or for

months, whichever shall first occur. That alludes to the little in

What does it mean?

It means I get six months to get a job and qualify to adopt him myself.

I told him if he made good, he could look to you for help.

I'll be calling on you.

If you don't.

I'll be calling on you.

Chief.

The staff has voted you the worst patient we ever had.

And we hope he'll come back and visit us.

Anytime I'm feeling up to it. This is no place for a sick man.

Well, come on. It's a working day, isn't it?

You heard him.

This is a working day, isn't it?