Original subtitles

Almost seven years ago now,

my Uncle Rory set out from his girlfriend Janice's house in Glasgow,

to ride a motorbike up to my father's house at Lochgair.

He never got there.

- What do you want me to do? - Find out where he is.

- What's that? - It's just some old papers of Uncle Rory's.

Janice gave me them.

Somebody sends me one of these through the post every three or four weeks.

- And you think it's him? - It's a signal.

You don't want to find Rory.

It suits you better that he's not around any more.

He was a better writer than you and you can't stand it.

You've no money, you're about to be chucked off your course and done for shoplifting,

you obviously haven't had a bath in recent memory,

and you're generally acting like a total prat

because some rich floozie gied you the bum steer.

Prentice, you've got to ring home. It's your dad.

You'd have to say that my family's had more than its fair share of misfortune.

Aunt Fiona killed in a car crash.

My grandmother dead after a collision with a conservatory.

Uncle Rory missing without trace.

And now my father.

I was waiting to interview the chief suspect. God,

but for the moment he was refusing to comment.

Thank you both for coming. I appreciate it.

I didn't... encourage him, you know.

We were both a... wee bit worse for the wear.

All I wanted to do was have a few pints, you know, like we used to.

- I know. - Good chat was all I wanted.

We were in the Argyll at Gallanach. Good view of the harbour.

Ken seemed a bit... down.

Confused.

We'd had a few. Should have kept my mouth shut

Why?

I told him Christ loved him, that he was like a blind man

and all he had to do was open his eyes, accept Christ and everything would fall into place.

What did he say?

Asked when I had the brain bypass operation.

I don't know why. I just... kept on at him.

Got out into the street

We were both pished.

I was telling him that only religion gives us a peg to hang our philosophy on

otherwise what's the meaning of life?

He said...

How long is a piece of string? What colour is the wind?

Yes, yes, he said that!

Blasphemy. Inciting God.

We were in Shore Street beside the church.

You have led your son to...

My son... my son... my sons free from the...

You have led your...

Kenneth! Kenneth, where are you?

Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness

By the time the ball was over there was four and twenty less

- Singing, wha'll dae it this time? - Childish man.

Wha'll dae it noo? The yin that did it last time cannae dae it noo

Oh, the minister's wife, she was there She had us all in fits

By swinging on a chandelier and bouncing on her tits

Singing, wha'll dae it this...

- Kenneth, you can't! - What is a church, Hamish?

It's a massive hollow idol!

Ah.

All the gods are false, Hamish.

Faith itself... is an idolatry.

Ah, but I have got faith.

I'm close to God!

I've won Prentice to God!

He's closer to me than you'll ever be.

- Close to God? - Aye.

Ah.

Let's put that to the test, then, shall we?

Right.

- Right, let's see. - Kenneth!

Kenneth, what you...

Kenneth!

Kenneth!

Let's see how close, shall we?

Kenneth, what in heaven's name are you playing at? Get...

Kenneth, come down, you daft bugger!

Ha-ha!

Who's closer to God now, Hamish?

Come down, you daft bugger!

Hey, Hamish, who's closer to God now?

Come on, where are you, God?

- Oh, come down! - Come on, show me yourself!

Show us a sign, you coward.

What have you done with my family?

Come on, give me an answer.

If you're there, tell me!

Oh, Kenneth, please!

Please! I didn't mean it!

Come down, man!

Singing, wha'll dae it this time? Wha'll dae it noo?

The one that did it last time cannae do it now

Oh, the minister's wife, she was there She had us all in fits

Swinging on a chandelier and bouncing off her tits

Singing, wha'll dae it this...

See?

You see, Hamish, you old crackpot?

He's not up here. There's nobody up...

Aah!

You see?

Jealous God, Prentice.

Jealous, jealous God

Oh! I'm sorry. Excuse me.

- Mum. - I'm OK.

Just give me a minute.

- Uncle Hamish, what are you doing? - Bloody jigsaws.

Don't make them properly now.

Your mother asked me to help her look for the will

- Did you find it? - Yes, eventually.

There's nothing...

nothing controversial.

Good.

Anyway,

I'll leave you to it, eh?

- What's that? - Oh, just some old things of Rory's.

We found them in the bottom of a box. Mary saw my name on a page.

Said I could borrow them, just to see what old Rory had to say about me.

Could I have a look at them first?

It's just I'm interested.

Of course.

It's mostly just scraps of things.

Poor old Rory, after that first book, he never seemed to find a focus,

and then Kenneth came past him in the fast lane.

Perhaps that's why he went away.

Perhaps.

The will insists on your father being buried in the grounds of the house

without religious ceremony.

Yeah, it would.

He was an awkward bugger, your father. We didn't agree on much.

But he was wonderful when Fiona died. Hope I can return the favour.

Thanks.

Mary? I'm off.

Fergus! Look at the state of you. What have you been doing?

You've brought some friends. How nice. Is that young Kenneth McHoan and Master Rory?

Hello, Mrs Urvill.

Mother, this is Lachlan Watt His father works in the factory.

Oh, how nice you're making friends at last, Fergus.

I was going to show them my fossil collection.

Fine. Make sure you take their coats, Fergus darling, and clean them up.

We don't want them to mark the wallpaper now, do we?

Mm, that was rerr. You can never get filled in ma hoose.

My father says that the working class have too many children and not enough responsibility.

- What? - Shut up, Fergus.

Lachlan's eaten all the cakes. I wanted a cake.

Aye, maybe I'll tell your own, McHoan, what you did, and you'll get the jail.

Kenneth, I don't want to go to jail.

Nobody's going to jail. Nobody's going to say anything, OK?

What? What's he talking about?

Nothing. He's talking out his arse.

OK, OK.

- Got this room all to yoursel'? - Yes, so?

Very nice, darling.

- What's all this shite? - Don't be so rude.

- What is it? - It's my museum. Things I've found.

- There's a gold coin. An arrowhead. - What's yon green thing?

It's a fossilised pear. I found it on the beach.

- That's never a pear. Bit of old bone. - It's a pear.

Tell him, Kenneth.

It's a pear, isn't it?

I don't know.

Bloody eejit. Picking up bits of bones and stickin' them in the cabinet. Darlin'.

- Right, get out of my house. Go on. - Ah, fuck off, darlin'.

Fossilised pear. What a wanker.

I hate you, Lachlan Watt, you bastard!

Ah, ya bastard! I cannae see, I cannae see!

Keep still, Lachie.

Just... keep still

Rory's family stories were vivid but they always just petered out

Why? Perhaps the discs held the answer,

if only I could get into them.

The Gallanach Glassworks manufactured Lachlan Watt a glass eye and two spares,

making him the only boy in Lochgair with four eyes.

Lew? Is that you?

Mum?

Someone to see ye.

Who is it?

Hello, Mary.

Janice.

Oh, it's good to see you!

Oh, where have you been all these years?

I wanted to come loads of times, but... it was difficult

Mary, I'm so sorry about Ken.

Yes.

Oh, the stupid bastard went and killed himself.

It's so beautiful.

I always loved it here.

Yeah, Dads politics never extended to rejecting the concept of inheritance.

He was a good guy, Prent. There arenae many.

Yeah, well

You don't mind me coming? I didnae mean for your mother to put me up.

Hey. Mum's just happy to see you, Auntie Janice.

I know. I just wanted to come to the funeral in case I...

Well, I thought... I thought that maybe you...

You think Rory might turn up.

There's always a chance.

- Sure you can bear to leave Gavin? - Oh, don't. He understands.

- Gavin's a nice guy. - He's a prop forward.

He spends half his life sticking his great hulkin' head up between other folks legs.

- Ooh! - Stop it.

- D'you want to go for a walk? - Aye, why not?

- But Prentice... - Yeah?

It makes me feel a wee bit uncomfortable

to have someone that I've been to bed with call me Auntie Janice.

Oh, right.

I'm no really like related to you at all

- You're the best auntie I've ever had, Janice. - Ha.

Get tae...

Did Rory ever say anything else before he went away?

Only that he'd found out this secret and he had to speak to Kenneth.

Then he just went. Never came back.

And all those papers you gave me, that's all you had?

I cleared most of his stuff out when I realised he really was gone.

Your mother came and took his stuff away.

Seemed easier.

I kept The Crow Road stuff for sentiment

Used to get it out now and then, just to hold it, really.

Look at all his squiggles.

Was there anything much in it?

I only got through a wee bit before I lost it on the train.

It's all such a jumble. I never read it.

You never read it?

I was scared I'd find out what he'd written about me.

Well, we'll never know now.

There was one thing, about six months before Fiona died.

Rory had an argument wi' your father.

- What about? - Don't know.

It was strange. I'd never seen them fight before.

And, ehh... this is our display of, uh... borosilicate paperweight.

Utilising the same technology which produces these humble household novelties,

we are producing passivation glasses for semiconductors.

I just said I'd like to see the factory.

- The outside would've done. - Tough shit.

... burgeoning Scottish computer industry...

... or, uh... Silicone Glen, as it's jocularly known.

This way.

Who put the bore in borosilicate?

Who put the wham in the wham-a-lam-a-ding-dong?

Now, this is the... specialist glass division.

Here we're utilising glass ceramic technology with lithium aluminosilicate bases

to provide thermoshock protection for missile nose cones.

- That's handy. Next time I need a missile... - Shut up, Ken. It's very interesting, Hamish.

Yes, good, good, good.

If you'd care to step through to our decorative division, I'm sure you'll appreciate this.

I've been saving it for last

Through here.

This is the window for the new Church of our Holy Mother in South Uist

It's my own design.

Christ arriving in Jerusalem.

It's very nice, yes.

Did they have tartan in Jerusalem in those days?

It's a new process I've devised myself.

That's very difficult to achieve in stained glass.

It's very... very eye-catching, Hamish.

- I'm sure they'll appreciate it in Uist - Yes, I hope so.

The priests coming to see it, uh... next week.

I've kept the design secret to surprise him.

Christ! I need a drink.

It's not my fault I didn't know he was gonna give us a full three-hour tour.

- Come back here! - Get your hands off me, you brute!

- Look, for crying out loud... - This conversation is over! Over!

Get it through your thick aristocratic head, you bastard!

Jesus!

Fergus?

Oh! Er...

... sorry about that

- Is everything all right? - Yes, of course.

Just a... little misunderstanding.

Bunch of flowers, no problem.

Uh... Hamish been showing you round?

Yeah, sure, fine. Is there anything we can do?

Not at all, not at all

Lovers tiff.

Must get on.

I have never seen her like that

Ach, maybe they've had a few wee problems, you know?

- What kind of problems? - I don't know.

Yes, you do.

I don't want to go into it, Kenneth. It's... It's nothing that touches you directly.

Of course it touches me. Fiona's my sister.

If she has a problem, apart from the obvious one that Fergus is an upper-class shit...

Just... Just leave it, OK?

- Did he tell you something? - I think we should change the subject

No, if Fergus told him something, I would like to know what it is.

Yeah, but if he'd wanted you to know, he would have told you, Ken.

Oh, that... that's right, yes.

Just because I don't want to go poncing round the hillsides

with the Laird of Auchtermuchty blasting anything that moves.

Right. That's it, you two.

Enough.

Tell us about your new book. Is it nearly finished yet?

No, no, I'm still working on it.

Oh, that's a secret too?

You're not allowed to mention the book.

I'll show you it, Ken, when there's something to see.

It's taken you long enough. What are you living on?

- Royalties from the India book. - We live very simply.

It's kind of personal. I'll show you it, Ken, once I'm closer to finishing it, I promise.

Ah, yes.

Right. I bought the last lot of drinks so that must mean...

- Uh... your round? - My round.

What was all that about?

Ah, it's nothing anyone would benefit by knowing.

Honest, Mary.

- Hello. - Oh, hi.

Those overalls, they used to belong to your Uncle Rory when he was working on his bike.

Yeah, I know. I found em' in the outhouse.

When I was driving up, I thought for a moment...

He'd come back?

- How you doing? - Too many rocks.

Hm? Oh, I see.

No, I meant you.

In general.

Oh... you know.

Mm-hm.

Rotten time for you.

Oh, I was just curious as to whether you'd read those papers of Rory's that mentioned me.

Oh, about Lachlan Watt

- Lachlan Watt? - Yeah, about how he lost his eye.

It was just about four pages.

Ah, yes. That really was terribly unfortunate. Never forgiven myself really.

- And that was all? - There were some poems.

- Not very good ones. - Right.

And then the computer discs.

God knows what kind of machine Rory had, but it wasn't known to modern science.

Ah, well

I'll just call on your mother.

- I'll see you later, Prentice. - Yep.

- Hello, Lewis. Long drive. - Yes.

Congratulations.

No.

Verity's, um...

You bastard.

Hi, Prent. You not saying hello?

Sorry. Hi.

Um...

Verity and me are, um...

Yeah, I heard.

Obviously I'm delighted for ye.

Yeah, I thought... I thought you might be.

Really, Lew,

you can't argue with a woman's discrimination.

Thanks. Thanks, man.

Yeah, it's good to see you.

Hey.

Hi, Prent

Hi.

Congratulations.

"Whose gutsy heaves at first disguised but couldn't hide the secret at Gallanach,

Powering us to our next disgrace..."

... much danger. There'd been quite a lot of Croatian activity along the valley,

and I think the Serbs just took fright when they saw the car.

There'd been quite a lot of Croatian activity along the valley

and I think the Serbs just took fright when they saw the car, but you can't...

Come on.

I know you.

It's all right, I'll get it.

Hiya.

- Hiya. - It's good to see you, come in. Prent?

Prent, look who it is.

Hiya, Prentice. I thought I'd bring this bottle we never got round to.

Well, it's no format I've ever seen.

A non-industry standard.

Ancient. Wouldn't even fit an old five-and-a-half drive.

So you can't find out what's on them?

Not unless you had access to a computer museum

and you knew whatever dodgy software he was running.

Hey, easy on that

There's two of us trying to get stooshied here.

Why does all this matter?

Something's up with my family.

We keep dying and keeping our secrets to the grave.

Anyway, it diverts me from the supreme fuck-up that is my life.

Don't.

Christ I wanted that girl.

Heartless bitch.

Nah.

I should have fallen in love with you, Ash,

except you'd probably emigrate to New Zealand,

fall in love with some bodybuilder.

Why do we always love the wrong people?

Some things...

you just can't explain them.

They don't turn out the way you expect

There's more to come, Prentice.

Believe me.

I don't think so.

Never mind.

Let it go.

I saw your light.

You OK?

Sorry, Mum. I'm a bit pissed.

Oh, I'm sorry, love.

I know you're disappointed.

Why does she have to marry him? They hardly know each other.

It's what they want to do.

There's gonna be a baby.

What's that on your forehead?

- Looks like mascara. - Eh?

Someone been crying over you?

I didn't notice.

Oh, keep your eye on the ball, son. You don't want to make a mistake.

- Night-night. - Night-night.

Were you really that, um... you know, keen on Verity?

Probably just infatuation.

But getting married? You've only been together for a month.

I know.

But a lot can happen in a month.

Given the circumstances, it just seemed simpler.

It's for real, then? You love her?

Oh, I dunno, I dunno. It's tough, it's tough.

I mean, just like yesterday she says to me, "Lewis,

I don't think we understand each other any more."

- What did you say? - I said...

"What do you mean?"

- Yes, I got you! - You fucker.

Yes, I did. Ah, you wee bastard.

- Get in there. - Ow! Ahh!

Ah, the stake, Van Helsing, the stake!

- Get off me! - Before it's too late. And bring the garlic.

Prentice. Lewis.

Mr Blawke's come to pay his respects.

Aye.

Condolences, lads...

at this difficult time.

Today's attendance is a testimony to his standing

in the small community of Lochgair.

Many people knew him and loved him.

His dear brother Hamish should be settled

in the knowledge that he has gone to a good place.

- Not a religious man... - Thanks for coming with the digger.

- Do the job in no time. - No trouble, Prent

- Do anything for your dad. - Aye.

- Hundred and twelve feet Is that enough? - Plenty.

He will be sadly missed

but his work will live on.

Ehh... Lewis, would you like to read now?

From The Well-travelled Country by Kenneth McHoan.

"Long before we were here,

before our trivial neurosis and crisis, before our silly religions,

petty wars, criminal acts and futile attempts to divine meaning in everything,

before all these events of a staggering importance took place,

half a billion years ago, a sea divided us from our neighbours in England.

The rocks we stand on were ancient even then.

But they held the future shape of our land,

the climate cooled and drove house-heavy dinosaurs away,

our country still drifting until it was as far north as Canada

and the rocks were covered with ice, moving, grinding out the valleys."

The two great continents pushed together, and forced up the valleys and the mountains.

- Were there no people then? - No, no people, just trees.

The whole country was covered in trees.

But even though there was nobody around to chop them down, they came in useful.

How's that?

- Well, what is it that makes this car go? - The engine? Petrol?

Petrol. Right. And where do we get the petrol from?

- I don't know. - Oil.

And where does the oil come from?

- Do you know, Lew? - Lew?

- Oh, for God's sake. - What's wrong?

I wanted to go in Uncle Fergus's car. He said I could.

Lewis, we're having a family day. Come on, it's nice to go together.

No, it's not. I hate family days.

It's borin'. Dad just rabbits on and on, and we're supposed to listen to it.

- I'm trying to make the journey interesting. - Well, you're not.

Look, Prentice.

- Dad, can I carry that? - Of course.

I'll do it.

- Are you all right, Fi? - Fantastic, just fantastic.

Uncle Fergus.

I wanted to come in your car. You said, didn't you? You said I could.

Did I? I'm not sure I meant today, old son.

Didn't you realise, Lewis?

There any room in an Aston Martin for children. So we just send ours away.

Give it a rest, Fi.

I'm sorry, Lewis. Uh... some other time, OK?

And Prent and I'll come back for the rest, OK?

That's the kind of job we like. We like getting the last bits, don't we? We always do.

We're always at the tail end, every time we go on holiday.

- Why is Lewis angry all the time, Dad? - He's pubescent

- What's that mean? - It's a condition you get when you're young.

- What happens? - Well, you don't believe in anything.

Except yourself.

Everybody else seems just stupid, especially your dad.

- Is there a cure? - Oh, yeah.

Nothing lasts for too long. Eventually it just becomes too much trouble to keep it up.

- And you're better? - You're not exactly better.

But you're different

- Well, how did these shells get here? - Ah, fishermen left them here.

In fact, you know, often the first sign of prehistoric man was shellfish like this.

They used to find big middens, you call them, of shells,

because the people would eat the fish, and leave the shells.

They would find the middens, and after that they knew that prehistoric man had been there.

- Let's go back to the beginning. - OK.

Now, eventually the glaciers melted thousands and thousands of years ago

and Scotland appeared

and then eventually the people came too.

- They travelled? - Oh, they certainly did.

They came from all over. They came from Ireland and they came from England.

And they came from Germany.

It was my dad's best story,

and it seemed to take all of my young years for him to tell it.

He taught us that we were the most important people on earth

and totally without significance,

that there was fire at the core of everything and that change was the only constant.

"These Picts, Celts, Vikings and Scots cut down the trees

and filled the country with their stories instead.

Sometimes they were prepared to kill in order to tell these stories

and sometimes they would kill in order to prevent others from telling them.

But none of them escaped.

We all go into the moving earth beneath our feet,

we leave nothing behind except our stories and the hope that others will tell them."

Prent.

Oh, right.

Verity?

Are you all right?

Don't come in. I'm just a bit queasy. On the toilet

Oh, right.

On the cludgie, son. Never fails

Imagine that

Hey. I thought you were gonna help me clear out the cellar.

OK, OK. We only buried him two days ago.

Yeah, I know, but Mum wants it cleared out before we go.

- All right, give me a minute. - Hey, hey.

I think Verity's a bit under the weather.

Oh, right.

Well, probably best leave her to it, eh?

Aye, probably.

- You're going? - I didn't want to disturb you.

Don't go yet I'll chum you down tomorrow.

I've tried to persuade her, but...

Oh, Janice.

- Oh, it's been wonderful seeing you. - And you too.

- You come again, now. - I'll try.

Thanks, Mary.

- Thanks for being... - Oh...

I cannae stay, Prent

It was silly of me. I thought he might be there.

Rory would've came if he could.

I know.

That's why I feel so sad.

Take care.

I'll see you in Glasgow.

Janice.

Your bag.

- Oh, this is bloody impossible. - You said you were a systems controller.

This isnae a system. It's a binary disaster area.

I've got every confidence in ye, Ash.

Ow. Shit.

- You all right? - No. Bastard thing.

OK, Prentice. One more try, OK?

I've got things to do. I'm training it to Aberdeen first thing in the morning.

Obviously the Tupelov Mark 3 is a dark stain

on the murky grey end of the late 70s computer market

It uses an eight-inch drive which is ideal for playing your old Max Bygraves 78s,

and I think wed be safe in our assumption that it won't be running Windows 95.

OK.

Let's try that

And Prentice,

- see, if this blows my laptop, you're dead. - OK, keep your hair on.

I'm sorry, Prent. It's the best I can do.

Well, it was worth a go.

Hm.

Hey.

That's it.

That's him.

Bernie, the bolt

- What does CR stand for? - Crow Road.

It's a family story, only he never finished it.

- How do I... - Page down? I'll do it.

Hang on.

Last year.

Hamish's birthday party.

- You were still in India. - Yeah?

I admit it.

I admit I'd had a few too many.

But nobody deserves that

Nobody deserves that

He'll be fine.

- You sure? - I'm sorry he made a scene, Mary.

It was unforgivable speaking to Ken like that

Kenneth provoked him. They're a couple of bairns. It'll all be forgotten in the morning.

- Just get him home. - OK.

- Good night. - Good night.

You stupid bastard.

Bloody McHoan.

Bastard, coon-loving...

- Where are the keys? - ... fucking lefty, nigger-loving poof!

That was my brother you were insulting in there.

Trying to tell me how to run my business!

I will sack... I will sack anybody I bloody well like!

- Just get in the car. - Oh, Jesus Christ!

Shit.

Bugger off! Bugger off!

Mrs Urvill

Can I gie you a hand with that?

- Oh, it's... - Lachlan Watt

- I work for Mr Urvill up the glassworks. - Right.

If you could just give me a hand to get him into the car.

Sure, no bother.

Come on, let's have you.

- Come on, in you go. - Ba...

- In the car, come on. - You...

That's it, that's you in. OK, and your legs.

My God, he's had a skinful, eh?

Yes.

So have !.

- It's very kind of you, Lachlan. - Ach, no problem, Mrs U.

No often I get the chance to drive one of these beasts.

It's... Fiona.

OK. Fiona.

Oh. I think I'll just go and tell Mrs McSpadden she can go to bed.

It's not fair keeping her up this late baby-sitting.

- OK, I'll, uh... I'll get him in. - Thank you.

Hey. Fergus.

You're hame.

Hey, Ferg!

- Wake up. - Oh...

Wake up, ye upper-class bastard, ye!

Come on.

- No luck with the sleeping beauty? - No, he's sound.

- Over here will do. - What, no upstairs?

The bedroom is three flights up. You've done quite enough, Lachlan. Just dump him here.

Oh, right. There you are. Come on.

- Right. - Good enough.

Now let me run you back into town.

Oh, no, that's fine. I'll just walk.

You're so kind, you know that

Let me at least break open the malt

- Ach, I really should be getting back. - Oh, come on, it's good stuff.

- Ach, well, why no'? - Good.

You know, I... I came here once when we were kids.

Mm.

- It's changed a bit since then. - Well, he spent years renovating it.

Family obligations, don't you know.

And he's never out of auctions.

I hate it.

Come on.

This way.

Oh, Jesus...

Christ

Ohh.

Oh, come on.

Fi?

Open the bloody gate.

Fiona!

Bitch.

Yes! Yes!

Oh, come on!

Yes, come on!

Maybe you shouldn't have bothered with the dope.

It's powerful stuff.

You won't tell anyone?

Ferg, I promise.

What did you do about it?

Nothing.

Now you've got to tell me one.

- Eh? - A secret. Fair dos.

- Oh, right. Um... - And it's got to be bad.

OK.

You remember your dads barn? The one that burned down when we were kids.

Uh-huh.

I did it.

I set it on fire.

And that's it?

That's your worst secret?

Well...

Not any more.

Mm.

Ugh.

What's all this about, then?

You have all you need. You just need to put it together.

Are you sending these?

It's all there, Prent

You know who's sending them.

That's a kestrel. Good shot, Rupert I'll make a gun of you yet

Thanks. Just got lucky, I guess.

My father brought me up to question things, to demand answers, to be a sceptic.

I think he tried to make me in his own image

so that he could leave his cranky genetic imprint on the world,

but it ended up backfiring on him.

Eventually, of course, parents stop giving you plausible answers

just when you need them the most

Then, I suppose, there's nothing else for it. You have to grow up.