All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore s07e20 Murray Ghosts for Ted

Who can turn the world on with a smile?

Who can take a nothing day And suddenly
make it all

seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it With each glance and every

movement you show it Love is all around,
no need to waste it You can have the

town, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

At last, my true talent has been
recognized.

Guess what I've been asked to do for the
newspapers?

Deliver them?

Joke all you want, Mary, you can't bug
me. I've been asked to write an article

for $200.

An article about what? And why you, if
you don't mind my asking? Oh, I don't

mind. If you don't ask, how are you
going to learn?

My topic is freedom of the press.

And they chose me as the best -known
newsman in the city.

And a newspaper is paying you to write
it? 200 clams, Mary.

To assume my rightful place among the
giants of journalism.

Ted, you can't even name the giants of
journalism, much less take your place

among them. That's where you're wrong,
big fella.

Name two.

Well, there's Woodward Bernstein for
one.

who was very insightful this morning,
incidentally, answering mixed up in

Michigan.

Oh, yeah.

That was the woman whose husband went to
bed with his hat on.

I just happened to read it.

Well, uh, what makes you think that you
can write an article, Ted?

Well, all I'll do is sit your jet down
and dictate 1 ,500 words to her, just

like that. Just a question of stringing
words together.

Hell, piece of caco.

I, for one, don't think you can write 1
,500 words on freedom of the press.

Oh, come on. You've got to be kidding.

Freedom of the press is good.

Very good.

Important.

Well, that's ten words already.

It's only nine cents.

So I'm not a mathematician.

Words are my game.

Very important.

Let's see. They're paying me $200 for 1
,500 words. It's the same as $2 for 15.

Yeah, not bad. I've already earned $2.

For just three nights' work.

It isn't going so fast, is it?

No. But don't worry.

I know it's going to be wonderful once
you get rolling, Ted.

Me too.

I'll tell you what, Georgette. Read me
into it. Let's get a run at it. Get the

old creative juices flowing.

From the top.

with feeling.

Freedom of the press is very, very good
and very, very, very,

very important for a hero.

I'd certainly sign my name to that.

Your name will make it 17 words.

That's darn just what I'm really
cooking.

Oh, hiya, Ted.

Hi, Georgia. Hi, Murray.

What brings you here?

brings me here, Ted.

Honey,

isn't that the baby crying?

Oh, gee, I didn't even hear her.

Small wonder with you typing away like a
storm in here.

Hey, what's the big idea, Ted? You
called me. You asked me to come over.

I didn't want Georgette to know.

You didn't want Georgette to know what?

That I can't write.

Well, she knows you can't read, Ted.
It's not a big deal.

It's no joke, Murray. She has faith in
me.

She was so proud when he asked me to
write this article.

Now I tried and I can't.

Freedom of the press is as nice as a day
at the seashore.

You sure can't. Oh, it's just off the
top of my head.

Uh, Ted, the baby's sound asleep.

Oh, I didn't say baby. I meant Davey.

David is 12 years old. Why would he be
crying?

Did I say crying? I meant snoring.

David is snoring?

Yeah, could be his adenoids. You'd
better check, okay, honey?

Okay.

Murray, I want you to write that article
for me.

And I'll tell Georgette that I'm writing
it at the office and I'll give you all

the money.

You will? The whole hundred.

Two hundred, Ted.

Okay, 200.

But it's a secret.

You can't tell anyone, not even Marie.

Not even my wife?

Marie, once one wife knows, they all
know. It goes out on Jungle Telegraph.

But you can't tell anyone, Marie.

You can't tell a soul.

Okay, Ted, it's a deal. As it happens, I
need the money. But look, pay me now

before I write a word.

Right now?

Right here and now.

had his adenoids out.

I'll be darned.

David had his adenoids out. Are you
sure?

Yes, Ted.

You win, Murray.

I don't believe this article by Ted.

What's wrong with it?

It's too good.

I don't believe he wrote it.

Murray, did you write it?

No. Now, come on, really.

Really, Mary? I didn't write it.

But, Murray, there are words in here Ted
couldn't possibly know about.

Anachronistic.

Metaphor.

Allegorical. Where would Ted ever pick
up words like that?

I don't know.

Has William F. Buckley ever appeared on
The Gong Show?

Hi, everybody.

Oh, hi.

Honey, are we too early?

Oh, hey, gee, I can't go to lunch for
another hour.

That's okay. We'll go shopping in the
meantime.

We're going to get Laurie her new coat.
Hey, good.

We were going to try to make do another
year, but all of a sudden, Murray

decided we can afford it now.

Yeah, I'm probably going to say goodbye
to this ratty -looking thing.

Oh, I see you're reading Ted's article.

Yeah. I just finished it. It's really
wonderful.

You like it?

Yeah. Oh, I just saw the governor's
press conference on television.

governor quoted from the article? Oh,
isn't that exciting?

Murray, what's so exciting about the
governor quoting from Ted's article?

Well, everyone isn't selfish, Murray. I
mean, some of us are happy for our co

-workers. It is possible.

No, it's not.

Not when you're the one being happy and
Ted is the co -worker.

Well, you can say what you will about
Ted. He's an idiot, an imbecile, but

man sure knows how to write.

We better be going. See you later,
honey. Bye, Mary.

Bye.

Hi, Lou. Hi, Mary. Hi, Laurie. Nice
coat.

Hey, have you seen this piece by Ted?

Yeah, isn't it terrific? You know, at
first I thought Murray had written it

him. No, this is too good, even for
Murray.

Hi, Mary.

Hi, Georgia.

What about my teddy bear?

I'm so proud of you. of this, I could
bust my buttons.

Well, actually, this dress doesn't have
any buttons. It has two snaps and a

zipper up the back, but I'm so proud I
could bust two snaps and a zipper up the

back. Sounds stupid, so I said buttons.

Sue me.

No, it's okay. I understand how you
feel, and I'm really glad that you're so

happy.

Ted!

I am so thrilled with the reaction to
your article.

Oh, you are getting a quality that I
find more exciting than anything else.

Brain power.

Oh, any man who can throw words around
like that.

Hyperbole.

Vitiate.

Assiduity.

Anachronistic.

By the way, Ted, would you define
anachronistic for us?

Sure, Mary.

It's, um, a man who's probably from
Akron.

You know what simply amazes me is, I
mean, a person can work next to somebody

for so long and never see them as a
sexual entity, and then all of a sudden,

here he is.

Excuse me. Oh, I mean, I've always known
you were an attractive man, of course,

but... Now, I think you and I will get
to know each other much, much better.

Sue Ann, I think it's very nice that you
like Ted's article.

And I'm glad you're so fond of the big
words he uses. But if you don't knock it

off, I'm going to vitiate your assiduity
out of you.

Certainly, dear.

Wouldn't have worked anyway.

Is there anything special you want? for
dinner, Ted?

I don't know. What do writers eat?

I think I can find some alphabet soup.

Hey, isn't it crazy the way Sue Ann
acted just now?

Oh, I had no idea that writers affected
women this way.

That Shakespeare must have had to drive
him off with a stick.

Say, Murray, I appreciate your not...

You know, saying anything.

The deal is a deal, Ted.

Yeah, well, I realize that. I respect
you for it, but it must have been a

tough on you. Ted, it's over. It's done.

Tomorrow it will be forgotten, so why
don't we forget it? Right.

You're a pal.

Mary, I didn't tell you the best part.

What's that, Ted?

Rita's died his telephone.

They want to reprint my article for 2
,500 bucks.

Mr. Grant?

Speaking.

Do you know what Ted just told me?

That he really didn't write that
article? No, he wouldn't admit that.

obviously, he didn't.

Obviously.

Mr. Grant, are you making fun of me, or
do you agree?

Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can do both,
Mary.

But I definitely agree.

Freedom shouldn't be confused with
license.

Though these two cousins often pass as
twins.

I can recognize Murray's style a mile
away. I just hope Ted paid him well for

it. Not as well as Reader's Digest is
going to pay Ted to reprint it.

What? $2 ,500.

Murray, get in here.

What is it?

We both know what's going on here. We
think it stinks.

What? Murray, what Mr. Grant means is...

We both know what's going on here. We do
this.

Oh, well, I don't know what you're
talking about.

The article that Ted supposedly wrote.

Well, I still don't know what you're
talking about. Murray, come on.

Sorry. Is that all?

No. Sit down.

We're going to crack you open like an
egg.

Obviously, you've made some sort of
promise. No, I still don't know what

talking about. Don't tell me you don't
know what we're talking about.

Okay, I don't know what you're referring
to. Murray, we're trying to help you.

Do you honestly expect us to believe
that Ted wrote that article? Yes.

He can't even look at it.

I can't solve it.

Okay, Murray.

I believe you.

You didn't write it.

Mr. Grant, I don't think he's telling...
Mary.

We're just going to do that soon.

Yes, yes.

You don't miss a trick.

Okay, Murray.

You didn't write it, but somebody did.
We know that Ted didn't write it.

Now, let's say somebody else wrote it
for Ted.

Some poor slob.

That we'll call, uh... Roland Sattler.

My dentist.

The name.

Okay.

Mary's dentist wrote the article.

And everyone in many... Minneapolis
thought it was a great article.

But everyone praised Ted Baxter.

And who didn't get even one little bit
of recognition?

Roland Settler.

Not only that, but Roland doesn't make a
whole lot of money. And here's Ted, who

does. He's got a total of $2 ,700.

much did he pay roland in the first
place maybe five six hundred bucks

maybe less and the real the real

sad part of it is that this article is
maybe the best thing

he's ever written maybe the best thing
he'll ever write ever

And he'll never be able to tell his
friends, his wife,

his children, or any of the other
dentists.

All

because

of a stupid promise he made to Ted.

Oh, that poor, dumb... wretched soul now
murray

given this situation don't you think the
original agreement was unfair and

shouldn't be considered binding not if
he gave his word

don't you think a man's word ought to be
worth something if nothing else that

should be worth something

There goes one hell of a dentist.

Ted, we'd like to speak to you.

Hey, guys, my door is always open.

Lou, would you mind closing the door?

Sit down.

What are you going to talk about?

Ted, we... Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Isn't this sensational?

Dear Mr. Baxter, we'd like 400 copies of
your excellent article to distribute to

our students.

Isn't that something?

A newspaper with my writing in it being
used to train students?

Can you imagine?

Ted, that's what we'd like to talk to
you about. The article you're alleged to

have written.

What do you mean, alleged? Did Murray
squeal? About what?

About my paying him $200 to write the
article and him promising not to tell

anyone? No, Murray never said a word.

Oh, good, because that didn't happen.

Well, that's all they paid me.

Yeah, but the Digest is now paying you
$2 ,500. Do you think that's fair?

No. But it's as high as they'll go.

Ted, you just admitted that Murray wrote
the article. Don't you think he's

entitled to share?

No, I don't, Lou. On principle.

What principle?

Okay, Murray.

Let's see I paid a tailor to make these
pants.

If he stopped me on the street trying to
take him back, I'd have him arrested.

Am I right?

Right.

Yeah, but you're making a huge profit on
this article.

Okay, Lou.

Let's say I pay a guy to build a house.

And I later sell that house for three
times the amount.

Who gets that money?

Suppose people say, my, what a lovely
house.

Who accepts the compliment?

You do.

But face it, guys, you haven't got a leg
to stand on. I'm right.

Hey, isn't this great? You guys always
win an argument, but not this time. This

time I'm in the right. You're wrong, and
I'm right.

Oh, I tell you, this is a great country.

You know what makes it great?

Because you don't have to be witty or
clever as long as you can hire someone

is.

Where's your compassion?

You're talking about somebody with whom
you've worked for years, who came

through for you when you had trouble.

You're talking about a man who's never
had a chance to be in the limelight.

You have.

I mean, here's a guy who did one thing,
one single thing in his whole life

that can get him a little national
attention.

Something that when he goes to sleep, he
can say, maybe I'm special.

Ted, Murray deserves the chance to say
that to himself once.

Don't you think?

Ted, we're talking about a man who sold
his name

to buy a coat for his daughter.

You're too good a man to take advantage
of Murray this way.

No, I'm not.

All right, all right.

I am.

Do you really like it? Oh, it's
beautiful, honey. Hey, do me a favor.

make it last till you're married.

Ah, good. You're still here. So, um,
just, okay, stay.

Because we'll, um...

Thank you. It's always nice to hear
that.

Marie, there's something I have to tell
you about that article.

Yes, Dad?

Marie may write something like that
himself someday.

I certainly hope so. We sure would be
proud of him if he did.

Bye -bye. Goodbye.

Marie.

Mari helped me write that article.

Honey, why didn't you say that?

He helped me a lot.

Maybe 30%. More than 30%. Did you
really, Dad?

Make me proud of you, Ted.

I'm such a dope, I couldn't write my own
name without Murray.

Hey, I was afraid to say that.

Murray wrote the article.

Murray wrote the article.

And now that I said it, I'm going to be
sick.

Ted, I have to get home to the kids.
What is it you wanted to tell me?

Sit down, Georgette.

Well, this may come as kind of a shock
to you, so you better hang on.

I never wrote that article for the
paper.

Oh, I knew that.

You did?

Sure.

Just because I love you doesn't mean I'm
stupid.

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, it's okay, Murray.
Congratulations on the article.

Oh, well, I actually didn't. I mean,
Ted, I mean, I... Murray, you know you

write a lot better than you talk.

Bye, kid. Bye, honey.

Bye.

Uh, Ted, I, uh... I've been thinking all
day about that gesture you made

upstairs. That's okay, Murray. No, Ted.

I have to say this.

For a long time now, I've made you the
butt of my jokes because you were there

and you happen to be a preposterous
figure.

But what you did today was classy.

You're a fine man, Ted Baxter.

It's an honor to know you.

Murray. Hey, you know what?

That $2 ,500 from Rita's Digest? Yeah.

I want you to have it.

Oh, no, you can keep it.