All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore s07e07 My Son the Genius

Who can turn the world on with a smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all

seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can have the town,
why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all

You're gonna make it after

all

Why are you holding the door open?

Because I'm with somebody who walks very
slowly.

Who?

There's a story connected with that.
Unfortunately, I know I have the time to

tell it.

My oldest daughter called me from New
York and said her father -in -law is

coming to Minneapolis and could he stay
with me? I said yes.

Oh, isn't that nice?

Nice? He's the slowest man in the world.

Crossing the park this morning, a vine
grew up his leg.

Thanks, Lou, for holding the door open
for me.

You want to help me with my coat?

Oh, I guess not.

Look, you don't have to stand there like
that. I'm sure he can find his way in.

Yeah, you're right.

What's the matter? You couldn't hold the
door open?

Mary Murray, this is Morris Bender.
Well, it's nice to meet you.

How do you do?

How long?

Yeah, Morris is going to be spending the
day here with me. I was going to put

him on a sightseeing tour, but he said I
shouldn't go to all that trouble.

I don't want to be a bother.

Oh, can I get you some coffee? Oh, no,
don't bother.

It's no bother.

Okay.

You sure it's no bother? No, no bother.

Come on, Morris. You can sit with me in
my office.

Only if I don't get in your way. It's
right in there.

I'm sure I won't be in the way.
Positive.

You'll tell me if I'm your boss. Oh,
yeah, yeah. Here, here.

Coffee. Thank you. I hope it was no
bother.

Nice little guy, isn't he?

Oh, look, how long is he staying with
you, Lou? Oh, a couple of weeks, or

I kill him, whichever.

Mary, I have a big favorite ass.

Oh, no. No, Mr. Grant. He's not staying
with me. I'll barricade my doors. I

didn't ask you to take him in, although
a good friend would have volunteered a

long time ago.

I didn't ask you to take him to lunch. I
have a meeting.

Just lunch? Yeah.

Yeah, okay. I guess I can do that. Oh,
wait, Mary, before you say yes. I need

you for lunch. I've got a big personal
problem. I've already got her, Ted.

mine. No, you don't. It's her lunch. We
all get a shot at her. Ted, leave her

alone.

No, I can't.

It's a big problem. All right, all
right. Look, Ted, uh... Georgette and I

talking about getting together for
dinner. Why don't we just make it

can't wait to dinner. I need you for
lunch. Well, look, I can't have lunch

both of you. I only have four hands.

Dinner, sure.

What am I going to do till then?

What about getting ready for your
broadcast?

Oh, that's no good.

I really appreciate this, Mary.

But it's not such a bad deal. You're
going to have a great time with him.

Just one tip.

When you cut his meat, make it small
pieces.

Figure about one.

I'll start sending him out about 12.

Why is it always me, Murr? Why is it
always me?

You really want to know?

It's because you probably get a kick out
of letting people walk all over you.

That's why.

Look, I said it. I said it. I'm glad I
said it. I'm not going to take it back.

Murray.

Okay, I apologize.

But you meant it, didn't you?

Yes, Mary, yes, I did.

You know, a couple of weeks ago, I read
a book called The Importance of Being

Selfish. And boy, if ever there was a
book written for you, it talked about

people like you, Mary Richards. It
talked about people who are always

And it said the real reason they did
that was because they had such a low

opinion of themselves that that was the
only way they knew that they could get

people to like them.

Thank you, Mary. How very flattering.

Look, Mary, I know this may sound harsh,
but isn't there a little bit of truth

in it?

That the reason you can't say no to
people is because you're afraid they're

going to like you?

Well, I... maybe.

It's a terrific book, Mary.

Boy, it really helped me a lot.

I mean, everybody thinks that
selfishness is this terrible thing, when

times it's just somebody recognizing his
true value.

Now, I know you may not believe this,
but selfishness can be a virtue.

Sounds like an interesting book. Can I
borrow it?

Get your own.

Here we are.

Looks like a nice tuna fish sandwich.

But why is it so shiny?

That's the cellophane.

Would you like me to take it off for
you? If it's no bother.

It's no bother.

What's that you're having?

Egg salad.

I didn't know they had egg salad.

Well, they do.

I love egg salad.

Would you like to trade?

You don't have to trade.

I'll give you my sandwich and you give
me yours.

I forgot.

It's not egg salad I like. It's cheese.

Really? Ted, hi. Come on over. Sit down.

Join us.

Ted, I'd like you to meet Morris Bender.
Hi. He's a friend of Lou's. Hi.

I didn't need that name.

That's interesting.

Mary, I've got to talk to you about my
problem.

Well, Ted, don't you think it's a
little... Oh, I'm sure he won't mind. Go

ahead. You can't speak to Georgette.

Georgette is Ted's wife.

She's upset about David.

And that's their son they adopted last
year. So he's having a little trouble in

school. She's making a mountain out of a
molehill. Don't tell me.

It's a little hill with moles.

One little thing happened, and she
actually wants me to take him to a

psychologist. Well, Ted, I don't see
that there's anything wrong with that. I

mean, if David's having problems with
his schoolwork... Mary, now, you may not

believe this, but I had trouble in
school, too.

Look at me.

Today, I make more money than all those
brainy, straight -C students put

together.

I'm glad I finally caught up with you.

Hi, Mary. Hi, Georgette. Georgette, this
is Morris Bender.

How do you do?

Ted, will you look at this report card?
All bees.

I thought I told you not to take things
out of my scrapbook.

This is David's.

He's failing every subject.

I went to see his teacher, and she said
he never pays any attention.

And in class, he's always daydreaming.

I think he needs some help.

I'm not taking David to a shrink.

Ted, come on. It's just a child
psychologist.

I don't care how old he is.

I don't care what you say. I've already
made an appointment and I'm taking him

there tomorrow.

I'm going to find out why he's getting
such bad grades.

Excuse me for butting in.

I'm an old man and I've seen one or two
things in my lifetime.

And sometimes there's a reason why a
child is not doing well in school.

And it's very simple.

But no one ever thinks of it. What's
that?

He could be stupid.

Nice wood.

Ted, will you please sit down?

The psychologist will tell us everything
when he's through.

That's, uh, my son in there. There's
nothing wrong with him. He's a truthful

kid. He's just in for a six -month
checkup.

I'm sure he is.

Most of the children who come in here
are quite normal.

Gee, that, honey, there's nothing to
worry about.

Of course, there are exceptions.

Oh? Like the little boy we had in last
week.

For his eighth birthday, his parents
gave him an electronic hobby set.

He built a time bomb.

Blew the roof right off the house.

Fortunately, they weren't home at the
time.

Oh, that's good.

Late yesterday, the cat came down in
Toronto.

Oh, excuse me.

I don't know what we're doing here
anyway.

You don't push a kid in a direction he
doesn't belong.

Not every kid was meant to be a fifth
-grade graduate.

I'm telling you, Georgette, no son of
mine needs a psychologist.

Ted, you have to realize this has
nothing to do with you.

David's problem isn't your fault.

You're a terrific father, a great
husband, and a wonderful provider.

That's right.

I do bring in 50 Gs a year.

You told me it was 30.

Yeah, right, right, 30.

How'd it go, son?

Oh, okay, I guess.

The doctor would like to see you both.

David, you sit over there. We'll be
right out, okay?

Okay.

Mr. Baxter, Mrs. Baxter, won't you sit
down?

Now, giving your son an exhaustive
amount of tests... Wait a second, Doc.

Before you get started, let me get one
thing straight.

I'm not impressed with any of this
psychoanalytic mumbo -jumbo.

To me, the whole business is just silly.

Child psychology, $40 an hour.

How's a kid going to get that kind of
money?

I don't want any stranger telling me
about my son. I don't want anybody

me my son's neglected or that he needs
love. He happens to come from a very

loving home. Shut up, Georgia.

This is nothing to break our crayons
over.

Now, as I was saying, I've given your
son exhaustive tests.

Aptitude, adaptability, comprehension.

And it seems that he's in the genius
category.

He has an IQ of 160.

160?

That's more than mine.

ask you a theoretical question.

Let's assume that someone has a kid with
an incredible IQ and that someone

wasn't great in the fifth grade.

Do you think they would cause any
problems between the two?

No problems at all, Mr. Baxter.

As long as the parent is a reasonably
secure, mature, well -adjusted adult.

Boy, are we in trouble.

For what?

For telling me about that book, The
Importance of Being Selfish. I was up

night reading it, and I realize now the
amount of time I have spent in my life

accommodating people.

I mean, this book really teaches you
that the first person you have to worry

about is yourself.

Otherwise, you're no good to anyone
else.

Terrific. Boy, this is really amusing.

Why? What is? Well, I'm the one that
told you about the book, and I want to

you if you'll cover for me tonight.

Ask me.

Would you cover for me tonight?

Not on your life.

Oh, Murphy, it feels so good.

Come on, Mary, I'm not kidding. I really
have to leave early.

In your hat, Baldy.

Come on, the book said just be selfish,
not mean.

Yeah, you're right, Murr. I guess I did
go too far. I mean, I read it so fast,

but I am supposed to turn you down,
aren't I? Well, the book was very clear

stating that there are times when you
can make exceptions.

Oh, good. Then it's all right for me to
cover for you tonight?

Yes. Oh, thanks, Murr. You're welcome.

Why did you say no to me on the phone
last night?

I really needed you to help me out,
Mary.

I think I created a Frankenstein.

Well, what did you want her to do, Lou?

Take Morris to Mount Rushmore for three
days.

You don't even have to bring him back.
Just take him.

Great news, everybody.

Lou, have a cigar.

Murray, Baron, guess what?

You found a box of cigars.

Better than that, my son David is a
genius.

But why was he having so much trouble in
school?

Well, according to the child
psychologist, he was bored.

It wasn't challenging enough for him, so
he wasn't paying any attention.

He's got an IQ of 160.

He could be going to college today.

Though he might have a little trouble
getting girls.

Well, how does Georgette feel about it?
Well, she took him to school to enroll

him in a special class for advanced
children.

I should have known he was a genius.

Last night when he was saying his
prayers, he stopped and said, Am I going

fast for you?

Ted, don't you think you're making too
big a deal out of all this?

After all, in case somebody can't hold a
dog...

I can't take you to Mount Rushmore.

Oh, that's all right.

Who wants to look at a lot of old stone
faces anyway?

Come out of my office, Morris.

You sure it's no bother?

It's no bother.

Hi, everybody.

Hi. Hi. Hi.

So, how was the new school?

You should have seen it, Ted. They made
such a fuss over David.

Did they?

All the children are so smart. A nine
-year -old girl gave me directions to

ladies' room in Latin.

I finally had to ask a handyman.

How do you like the school, David?

Oh, I think it's real neat.

Now we have classmates I can relate to,
and I think that's very, very important.

Yes, I can understand that.

I think people usually get along with
other people whose IQs are...

Closer to their own.

Don't you agree, Dad?

Indubitably. Now, for instance, I'm sure
the reason you get along so well with

Mr. Slaughter here is because your IQ is
probably very close to his.

Interesting theory.

What's your IQ?

Go ahead and tell him, Mayor.

Most people's IQs are lower than
David's. Doesn't mean anything, so

as smart as he is. Go ahead, tell him.

118. How about yours, Mr. Slaughter?

125.

You see, very... Very close.

That's why you get along so well
together.

And nice little IQs they are, too.

Nothing to be embarrassed about.

What's yours, Dad?

You really want to know?

Yes, I do.

Okay. Father to son, no secrets. I'll
tell you.

My IQ is 190.

Oh, sorry, I... I've got to go to the
studio.

But, Dad, Albert Einstein's IQ is only
185.

Oh, we know much more now than they did
then.

Hi, Torchette. Come on in.

Hi, Mary.

What are you reading?

The Importance of Being Selfish. It's a
book about how a person should worry

about her own problems without getting
involved in other people's. Really

terrific. Goodbye, Mary.

Come on in.

What's on your mind?

Are you sure it's okay?

I could find somebody who hasn't read
the book yet. No, come on in. Sit down.

Well, I hate to bother you, but I really
don't know what to do, Mary.

What's wrong?

Everything.

Ted and I should never have taken David
to see that child psychologist.

Well, I thought you were so pleased to
find out David's bright.

Oh, I was, but Ted doesn't know how to
deal with it.

It's like he's afraid of him now.

And David knows it and takes advantage
of it.

I mean, Ted's so impressed with him that
he lets him do whatever he wants to.

If David wants to stay up till midnight,
Ted lets him. If David doesn't want to

eat his dinner, Ted doesn't make him.

Yesterday, he wanted his allowance
doubled.

And Ted gave it to him?

Oh, come on. You can only push Ted so
far.

Want some coffee?

Yes, thanks.

You know, David used to be such a sweet
boy.

Now he's spoiled rotten.

He talks back, he throws temper
tantrums, and he calls Ted the silver

And Ted just laughs at it.

Couldn't you talk to him for me?

Me? Yes.

Explain to him that even though David
may be brighter than other children,

still a child and needs discipline just
as much if not more than other children,

and that Ted can't be intimidated by him
or else he's shirking his

responsibility as a father.

Georgette, why don't you talk to him?

I wouldn't know what to say.

Say...

Listen, Mayor, is it okay if I let David
sit in the control booth?

It's something that I promised him. I
know it's against the rules, but... Yes,

Ted, fine.

Okay. Then after the show, I promised
him he could take one of the cameras

apart.

Well, he could probably put it back
together.

I don't care what you say. I want to go.

want to go. We'll see what your father
has to say about this. Hey, hey, what's

going on? I promised my mother I'd bring
the baby over. David insists that I

take him to the museum instead.

They have a terrific exhibit, Dad. I
want to see it and she won't take me.

mean.

What do you think, Miss Richards?

Don't you think she should take me to
the museum?

David,

I think this is something your parents
have to decide.

That's right. It's our responsibility.

Ted, talk to him. Use your authority.

Okay.

David, your mother wants to visit with
her mother, and I think she should.

If you want to go to the museum, I'll
take you tomorrow.

I don't want to go tomorrow.

I want to go now.

Kid's got a point, Georgette.

Maybe you ought to take him to the
museum.

Ted, you have to be firm.

Okay, okay.

Georgette, take that kid to the museum.

David, don't you ever use that word in
front of your mother.

It just means I hate her.

Dad.

All right, David, come on with me.

Where are we going?

To get spanked. Oh, come on, Dad, that's
old -fashioned.

So am I.

Lou, you've got to do me a favor.

Hi, Mr. Rick.

Hi, David. How are you? Lou. What?

I've got to use your office just for a
few minutes.

What do you want my office for?

I've got to spank my kid.

You don't want to spank David.

Yes, I do.

You got a hairbrush handy?

What would he be doing with a hairbrush?

I've got to do it, Lou.

He just made Georgette cry, and I'm his
father, and it's my duty to teach him a

lesson. Okay, I understand.

You wouldn't want to spank him for me,
would you, Lou?

No, Ted, I'll be outside.

Well, okay.

Let's get this over with.

David, you're a very smart little boy.

But it's a lot more being smart than
just having a high IQ.

What you did out there just now, making
your mother cry, was not smart. That was

dumb. I know.

I also know, even though I'm still
learning how to be a father, what I have

do now is right.

Now, you're a lot smarter than I am, a
lot cuter than I am.

I've only got one thing going for me.

I'm bigger than you are.

Come on.

Okay, Dad.

Now, don't hold this against me because
this is for your own good.

Okay.

Just try to understand I'm trying to be
a good father.

I also want you to be a good son.

Now, your mother loved you.

Are you all right, Dad?

I'm fine.

I didn't want to hurt you, but you had
that coming to you.

Don't cry, Dad.

David, don't ever make me do this again.
I can't take it.

I won't, Dad. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I had to spank you.

You know something, Dad?

What?

though I just spanked you?

Well, spare the rod and you spoil the
child.

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

That's genius.

You're a genius.