All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore s06e14 One Boyfriend Too Many

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day And suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it With each glance and every

movement you show it Love is all alone,
no need to waste it You can never

tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Talk about your good times. What a great
evening.

What's next?

What's next?

Uh, how about coffee? Swell.

Boy, I had a ball.

Never been on a double date before.
Thanks for asking me. Well, we should

done it much sooner, Ted. I'm just sorry
Georgette's in bed with the flu.

To tell you the truth, Ted, we were a
little surprised that you decided to

all by yourself.

I couldn't bring a date.

I'm married.

No, I think what Mary meant is we
thought you might prefer to stay home

Georgette. Well, I would, except she
hates me to see her when she's sick.

She thinks it makes her look, you know,
unattractive. Aw, poor Georgette.

She's right.

Anyway, I'm sure glad you could make it.

I've watched him on the air for years.

It sure is fun getting to know Ted.

It's fun getting to know you, too, Joe.

Fun watching you two have fun.

It's been a fun evening.

Listen, now that we're close pals, can I
ask you a question?

If it's a little personal, just blame it
on the fact that I'm high on

friendship.

What's the story with you two?

Oh, relax, Murray. I'm not going to ask
how far have you gone.

I mean, that's your business.

Of course, if Joe wants to tell me...

Why do you two stand emotionally?

Joe, you don't have to answer that.

Why not?

I want to.

I love her.

Well, I just meant you didn't have to
toss that.

Love's nothing to be ashamed of, Mary.

It's beautiful and noble, like
friendship.

Is this the first time I'm feeling love,
Joe?

You know, I think it is.

I remember spending four years in
college and desperately hunting for some

to give my fraternity pin to. You bet I
didn't know you then.

Oh, Mary, if I had known you in college,
I would have flunked out for sure.

Hey, you're getting a wonderful guy
here, Mary. Hang on to him.

You've let a lot of men slip through
your fingers, Mary.

I know.

I was one of them.

Ted, sit.

I can't stay. Are you sure?

He's sure.

You two are going to have to make your
own fun.

Try to understand, I've got to get home
to the little sicko.

I hope Georgette's feeling better.

Hey, Ted, this has really been fun.

Hey, you don't have to pretend you're
leaving with me.

So it looks like we're both going home
and then dabbling back when I get into

car.

I get a good idea what's going on
between you two.

I mean, you're a guy. She's a chick.

Ted, go home.

Anybody can pick up a phone around here?

Yeah?

Who'd you say it is?

I don't know any Dan Whitfield. What if
you are downstairs?

Oh, you know me.

Yeah, how are you, Danny boy?

Yeah, glad to hear from you. Are you
coming up? Great.

To see Mary.

Oh, she'll love to see you.

Uh -huh. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

See ya.

Who is he?

How can you forget?

He and Mary went together for about a
year. They almost got married, and then

went away.

Oh, yeah, he was a nice guy.

If he's such a nice guy, what's he doing
bird -dogging Joe's quail?

Hey, hey, wait a minute. I remember. He
was a very nice guy.

Maybe Mary's better off with him than
Joe.

Oh, I don't know.

I didn't like it when he left town on
her. He didn't. He took another job

someplace else.

Well, all I know is he made Mary cry,
and I don't like guys who make Mary cry.

Oh, what about the guy she's seeing now
and all the other girls he's been going

out with? Oh, no, no. He only did that
until she caught him. Then he cut them

off.

That's a gentleman, Lou.

I mean, no kidding.

The one who deserves Mary is Joe.

I'm not sure.

Please, Lou.

Please what? Vote for Joe.

Okay.

Murray? This guy made Mary cry.

I wrote for Joe, too.

Three nothing.

Hi. Oh, hiya, Dan.

You lose by a landslide.

How are you, Dan? Fine. Hello, Luke.
Where's Mary?

Not here. Not in yet. She's dead.

Miss Red, I checked with the film lab
and... Dan.

Dan.

My mother was right when she told me
about women.

Son, I'm the only good one.

What are you doing here? Are you
visiting or what? Moving back.

I just got in and I wanted to see you
before I did anything else.

Well, gee.

It's really good to see you. Look, let's
get together tomorrow night. There's a

formal dinner dance at the university
and I'm supposed to go.

What do you say, Mary? Come protect me
from the undergraduates for old time's

sake.

Okay, sure. For old time's sake. Great.

I'll call you tonight.

Okay.

So long, fellas.

So long, Dan.

Thank the good Lord my good friend Joe
didn't see you just now.

If you were my woman, I'd whoop you.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Grant. I thought
that someone could comment on my

life like that. Well, it is very... Very
upsetting. What I do is my own business

and nobody else's. Mary, easy.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Relax, relax.

Okay,

thanks.

It's okay, it's okay. I'm great at
calming women down.

Some men excite them, I just calm them.

You just have to understand, Mary,
that... Ted likes Joe, and he's not

bright as some of us.

He just can't understand how you can go
around cheating on the man you love.

A truly fantastic dinner, Mary.

Great stew, marvelous salad, and a mouth
-watering dessert.

Yep. You certainly are a wonderful cook,
Joe.

Where'd you pick it up, anyway?

In the Navy.

It was either that or disarming
torpedoes.

Joe, let's not do that now. I'll do it
later. Come here. I want to... There's

something I want to discuss with you.

Okay. But before you do, I got a little
gift for you.

Oh, Joe.

Your fraternity pin.

Yep.

Why do I feel there should be a Glee
Club singing?

Thank you.

It's really nice. That's terrific.

Okay, you wanted to tell me something.

Yeah.

Right, there is something that I do want
to discuss with you.

There's, I'm... Boy, Joe, this is one of
the moments. One of the

many, many moments.

I'm so glad you're you.

Because, I mean, there are a lot of men
who would not understand what I'm going

to say.

I know you, and... Well...

This is going to be a real kidney punch,
isn't it?

No, no, not at all, no.

Here's the thing. A friend of mine, an
old friend, is in town for a little

while, and I'm going to be seeing him
tomorrow night.

Seeing him? You mean going out with him?

Yes.

Well, that's fine. I mean, we don't have
any plans for tomorrow night.

Well, no, I know that. I just thought
maybe you would be upset about my seeing

someone else.

Oh, I can't believe how little you know
me.

Well, no, no. I mean, you know, just
very briefly just flashed through my

that you might be upset.

Well, I mean, why should I be upset if
it's just a friend who you were never

really romantically involved with?

I mean, I don't think I'm the kind of
guy that gets upset just because you're

seeing some guy you happen to date a
couple of times.

Well, Joe, I think that I should be
really honest with you now. I mean, I

just date him a couple of times. We were
sort of engaged.

Well, sure, but that was a long time
ago.

And now you're sure you don't have any
feelings for him?

Oh, my God.

Listen, one of the reasons that I can
be...

Honest with you is because we're so good
together, you know and uh And we can't

let anything, you know, like this kind
of thing that's bound to come up in any

relationship affect us And I think it
would be very wrong of me to duck it

Whereas I think if I meet it just
straight on and you and I end up on, you

more solid ground

Mary, why aren't you answering your
phone?

Because I think this is much more
important now.

You're not answering your phone because
you're afraid it's him.

Oh, Joe, I am not afraid to answer my
own phone.

Yeah, and now you're stalling, so we'll
hang up. I am not stalling.

Why would I stall?

Hello? Joe, that's my phone. You can't
answer my phone. Hello?

Hello?

Yes.

It's for you.

Hi, Ted. What's up?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I sure am free
tomorrow night.

Yeah, well, that's very thoughtful of
you, buddy. Sure.

Let's do that.

My place. And bring Murray and Lou.
We'll play some poker or something.

Thanks for calling, Ted.

Bye -bye.

Well, aren't you going to say don't go?

Well, I'm just, I'm not sure what's best
for you right now.

Yeah, well, I mean, you can at least say
don't go to a person.

I mean, can't you give me that much?

Don't go.

I've got to.

I can't believe what you're doing. I
mean, you are really overreacting.

Well, Mary, didn't you go crazy when you
found out I was seeing somebody else?

That was different.

How is it different? I don't know.

Well, I do.

Because you think that since I'm a man,
I wouldn't be as hurt by these things as

you are. Oh, well, let's be honest, Joe.
You're not going to cry your eyes out

all night like I did.

No.

No, I'll be doing the male version of
crying.

Do you want to know what that is?

Trying to act like it doesn't hurt.

And you don't know what hurting is until
you've tried to act like it doesn't.

Three kings.

A straight.

Pour me one, will you, Lou?

I want to get drunk in honor of my pal,
Joe.

I don't think he's got enough elderberry
wine.

I want scotch.

What do you want, Joe?

I want Mary.

Oh, I'm sorry, guys. I'm really rotten
company tonight. I can't help it.

You want to know what's going through my
head?

Right at this moment, I've really got
this...

Stupid idea.

Doesn't sound stupid to me.

Wait a minute. You haven't heard it yet.

Oh, yeah, right.

Take it.

I got this terrific urge to rush over to
Mary's place and burst in on the two of

them. And do what?

I don't know.

I honestly don't know.

It's just an irrational urge.

I think you ought to do it.

Yeah, I do, too.

Seriously? You mean it?

Sure.

There are times in life when being a man
means making an absolute ass of

yourself.

You said it.

You know something?

I may just do that.

I may go over there.

I think I will. Oh, wait a minute. Am I
crazy?

A guy can't go bursting in on two other
people just because he feels like it. I

mean, you just can't do that.

Can he, guys?

I mean, think a minute. Be sensible.

Kenny?

It was, and so uncomplicated.

Well, we'll soon fix that.

Mary,

I can't believe that we're finally here.
I never thought we'd make it. Not make

it to my apartment?

Why? Well, you kept us at the dance
until every living soul had left. You

the cab driver the wrong directions, and
it took you 17 minutes to find the key

to an unlocked door.

Well, again, you make it sound like I'm
afraid to be alone with you, when

actually I consider this just an average
evening with a... Dear good friend.

Oh.

Well, I don't know, Mary. Something just
doesn't seem right.

Oh? Like what?

Well, I don't know. Your voice, for one
thing. The way you talk to me. There's

just a faint note of formality in it, I
guess.

Why, Dan, whatever do you mean?

Okay, okay. Maybe it's me or the way
we're dressed or something. But I feel

slightly ill at ease with you.

And that's pretty ironic when you
consider that...

In the old days, we couldn't wait to get
back to your apartment. Yes, yes, I

know, I know.

I mean, Mary, don't you ever think of
those days when we used to... Well, Dan,

you know, one thinks of so many things
during the course of a day.

Especially that New Year's Eve when you
told me... Yes, I do, I remember that. I

remember that, yes.

I don't know, maybe I should ask you
more about this guy Joe.

You know what? To tell you, Joe, is fun
to be with. That's enough. I don't like

him already.

So, here's to us.

Yes, to you and to me.

That's us. You and me. It's us. No, I
know that.

Okay, okay.

Oh, Dan.

I know you too well to be acting this
way.

Let me tell you what's on my mind.

All right, Mary, I...

Just realized what I'm doing is
ridiculous and very immature.

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

Anyone can rent a tux, you know.

That was Joe.

Well, he is fun to be with.

bored with him toward the end.

I'm glad I'm not married anymore.

I'd hate to have to explain this gray
hair all over me.

You know, I never saw a guy pass out so
fast.

No wonder with those sissy drinks he's
used to.

This is the first... booze he's ever
thrown his lip around that didn't have

cherries and a little umbrella in it.

Come on, Ted. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Wake up. Wake up.

Hey,

Joe, congratulate me. I'm smashed.

Why should I congratulate you?

It's the first time.

Yeah.

In drinker's terms, tonight he lost his
olive.

Did you do what you said? Did you go
over there?

Yeah, I went over there.

And I acted like an idiot.

And I think I cut my own throat.

Oh, don't feel bad, Joe.

You still got me to eat.

Mary, the fact that you know somebody
else now doesn't matter.

In the last two years, I've thought
about you a lot.

Yeah, well, I've thought about you, too.

I mean, in New York, I kept seeing girls
who reminded me of you.

Oh, well, Dan, people are always seeing
girls that remind them of me.

I think in 1939, they turned out a whole
lot of us.

Really?

Mary, you're wonderful.

Dan, you're hugging a real jerk.

What? I have no business doing this. I
have no business being here. Mary, you

live here.

Right, yes. I mean, I have no business
in this situation.

Some women handle this kind of thing
beautifully. What situation?

Oh, more than one man's situation. I
mean, some women are terrific at that.

then there were others.

who make fools of themselves, and I have
a pretty good idea of which category I

fall into.

Well, I thought that was the point of
this evening, to find out how you felt.

Yeah, it was, and I think I did.

You mean when I kicked you, you didn't
like that?

Oh, no, I liked that quite a lot.

Well, then? Well, but, Dan, I mean, just
because you feel strongly about one

person doesn't mean you don't enjoy
kissing another person.

I thought it did, and it probably
should, but it doesn't.

I know. That's the point, Mary. Look,
you need some time to think this over.

There's no rush. I'll tell you what.

Why don't we see each other again in a
week or so?

No, I don't think so.

Why not? I don't know, Dan. I wish I
could give you a reason. I mean, we're

adults. You're not married. I'm not
married. I like you. I don't know. I

don't feel comfortable not being with
Joe.

Well, frankly, I don't think that's a
very good reason.

Okay.

Then I'll give you another more
important reason.

What's that?

I'm pinned.

immature of me to be here tonight.

And incidentally, anyone can rent a
sweatshirt.

Very funny.

You have a wonderful personality.

Date over so soon?

Mm -hmm.

Party over so soon?

Yeah, well, it kind of petered out when
Ted decided he wanted to go lie down in

the snow.

Mary, did you have to make yourself look
so sensational for him tonight?

Well, it was a formal affair.

Evening.

Anyway, what's wrong with dressing up?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing, nothing at all.

Forgive me for looking like such a slob.

I happen to own my own tuxedo.

It isn't something I usually point out
to people.

Joe, I made a discovery tonight. I found
out that I have a terrible...

character flaw.

After you burst in on Dan and me, I
started trying to picture Dan doing

something like that, and I couldn't.

Of course not. He's got too much sense.

So what's wrong with me that I prefer
someone who does things like that?

Nothing's wrong with you.

It shows you've got character.

Did I spoil your date?

No, not at all.

Oh.

Well, good.

Good.

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.

Did you kiss him?

What?

You heard me.

Yes, I know I heard you. I just, I can't
believe that you're quizzing me about

whether or not I kissed him.

Well, don't worry. That's just my first
question.

Continue this ridiculous conversation
and I'm going home.

Did you say don't go?

Yes. I couldn't hear. I was out in the
hall.

Mary, I can't help it if I'm upset when
you kiss somebody else.

I'd be upset by anything you did with
anybody else.

If you held hands with them.

Especially if you held hands with them.

Boy, you are really something.

Every time I think I've had it, you do
something terrific.

It's like going to one of those disaster
movies.

Sit through anything just to get to the
part you paid your three dollars to see.

Mary, you're the only woman in my life.

Do you know how many things there are
about you that I love?

Oh, here comes that for which I paid my
three bucks.

Well, goodbye, Mary.

Goodbye.

Thanks for not making the scene.

Joe, you're only going to be gone two
weeks.

How can I make a scene?

Bye. Bye.

Joe! Please, say it isn't so!

Don't go, Joe. Don't go. Stay here.

Well, were you right?

Say you were right.

All right.