All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore s06e13 The Happy Homemaker Takes Lou Home

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell,
why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

news. Oh, yeah? What is it? Well, I just
can't wait to tell you. Tell me, tell

me. Murray, you're just not going to
believe this.

At this rate, I'm not going to hear it.
Okay, well, you know how hard it is for

us to come up with new guests each week
for Talk of the Town? Yeah.

Okay, I have a friend at the State
Department who handles visits to this

by important people, and Murray, guess
who we're getting for the show?

Who? Murray, you're not going to believe
it. Oh, right, all right.

Prince Charles of England.

Really? Yeah, yeah. I mean, my friend is
sure, pretty sure.

Mary, think of what this can do for our
ratings.

Yeah. Wow.

Ted interviewing Prince Charles.

What a great bicentennial gimmick.
Starting another war with England.

Oh, Ted, I have the most incredible
news. Really? What is it? I just can't

Ted interviewing Prince Charles.

Forgive me, Mary, but life is so short.

Prince Charles of England?

Yes. Heir to the throne, the crown...
prince, son of the queen.

Son of a gun.

You and I are going to have to do a lot
of work together preparing for the

interview.

Hey, Murray, imagine being a prince.

Boy, he's got it in me.

He can have all the chicks he wants.

He can just walk into a bar and say,
hey, I'm a prince.

Okay, Ted, I will prepare a list of
questions and you will stick to that

What's the matter, Mary? Don't you think
I know how to talk to a prince? That's

right, Ted. That's exactly what I think.
Well, you're wrong. I can think of lots

of questions. Lots of them.

What was your favorite parade?

Do you wear your sword in the subway?

What advice would you give to kids who
want to get started in the business?

Lots of them.

Hi, George. Hey.

Sue Ann, guess what?

I may be having Prince Charles on my
show.

Oh, you and he would make a wonderful
pair.

If only you weren't so old American and
common.

Don't get up.

Don't worry.

Oh, Lou, you're so transparent.

Pretending to be gruff. You're just like
chicken Kiev.

A crusty shell, but all soft and runny
on the inside.

Sue, don't compare me to food. I don't
like being compared to food.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and temperate.

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of
May.

I liked it better when I was soft and
running.

Sweet, adorable, bashful, shy lute.

Don't try to hide it any longer.

Don't try to hide what?

Your true feelings toward me.

Oh, I know how much you're attracted to
me. And you know how I know?

Because you go to such lengths to hide
it.

Sue Ann.

I am not attracted to you.

See?

That's why you're always avoiding me.
Because you know if you get too close...

You're afraid the little pilot light of
desire that flickers within you might

turn your whole oven on.

Sue Ann, for God's sake.

That's why at the station picnic last
summer, you wouldn't even be my partner

the sack race. You were so afraid of
having your passion aroused.

That had nothing to do with it. I just
didn't want to get in the sack with you.

Since you're obviously too shy to ask me
out, Lou, I'm going to ask you.

Why don't you come to my place for
supper Friday night?

Sue Ann, come on. Oh, now, before you
answer, remember, the more you protest

that you don't want to come, the more
it'll be clear to me that you really do.

The more you say no, the more it means
yes.

Let me get this straight.

If I say no, it means yes?

That's right. And if you say yes, it
means yes.

So what's your answer, Lou?

disturbing you.

I was in bed.

Oh, good. Then you're alone.

Sue Ann, it's two in the morning. I
know. I was out on a date.

What are you doing here?

I want to show you something.

Jesse, come in here.

Hi.

Mary, this is Jesse.

Jesse, this is Mary Richard.

Hello.

I don't understand.

I just wanted to show you what I... I've
been out with.

It's all right, Mary. He doesn't like me
any more than I like him, do you,

Jesse?

No.

So, Ann, what are you doing here? I just
want to show you the lengths to which I

am forced to go for simple male
companionship. I want you to see how

social life is.

Close the door and sit down, dear. Make
yourself comfortable.

Would you get him a glass of water,
Mary? Something to keep him busy.

Oh, dear, you don't understand why I go
out with a man as dull as Jesse. No,

that's not what I was going to say.

Well, it's a good question. I'll answer
it anyway.

We met on a double date.

He was with a very interesting girl, and
I was with a very interesting man.

And after we ordered our dinner, his
date and my date left to wash their

and we haven't seen them since.

Sue Ann, I'm very sleepy.

Jesse has that effect on people.

You know what he does for a living?

You know those little celluloid things
that go on the ends of shoelaces? He

makes those. There's not even a name for
them.

He doesn't even know what to call them.

When I asked him what he did for a
living, he had to take his shoe off to

me.

What?

Jesse, what do you do for a living?

Oh, no, that's not what I mean.

Thanks. You know, she's always making
fun of what I do for a living.

But those little things on the end of
the shoelaces are very, very important.

I mean, if you didn't have them, it
would be murder trying to get the

into those little holes.

Mary, Sue Ann, I don't want to appear to
be a poor hostess, but what has all

this got to do with him?

Mary, dear, you can help me escape this.

Now, Jesse's typical of the kind of men
I go out with. Well, maybe not typical.

He's one of the better ones.

Good water.

Sue Ann, what can I do?

Help me get a date with Lou.

I would like just one shot with him,
Mary, and I really think if we could go

once... He might really learn to like
me.

Sure, just because I don't like it don't
mean he won't.

Thank you, Jesse.

Just one shot, Mary, that's all I'm
asking.

Don't you think I deserve that? Don't
you think even I deserve one lousy

to be happy? Oh, Sue Ann.

Please, Mary, please.

Well, I don't know what you think I can
do, but if I can help, I'll try.

Promise? Yes, I promise.

Dear,

dear, sweet, wonderful friend.

And now, dear, you really should get
some sleep. You look dreadful.

Thank you.

It was very nice meeting you. A
pleasure.

Look, if you'd like, I can drop her off
and come back later.

Don't.

I think it's your friend from the State
Department about Prince Charles. All

right, keep your fingers crossed.

Hi. I've been waiting for your call all
day. I've been so excited. I... What?

Yeah, but I mean, you... When?

And... And she... What did you... Uh
-huh.

I see.

Well, yeah, no, sure, I understand,
but... Uh -huh.

It's not your fault. But listen, ma 'am,
I was just... Maybe if you... Uh -huh.

No, I was just thinking, you know, that
if he... Right. Okay.

Okay. Thanks for calling.

Goodbye.

We're not getting Prince Charles for the
show.

He is not coming over here at this time.

Ah.

going to do about a replacement?

Hey, look, how about my human interest
file?

You know, all the offbeat characters
we've covered in the past year. Maybe

we'll... Hey, what about that?

R .D. Thalicker of St. Paul who
attempted to enter the Guinness Book of

Records by growing the longest toenail
in the world.

You're suggesting replacing the crown
prince of England with a 14 -inch

Oh, what about this one, ma 'am?

The amazing Garavelli. The man who can
stop a cannonball with his stomach, I

don't think.

Yeah, big deal.

I'm sure Ted could do the same thing
with his head.

Let's see.

Oh, now this is a possibility.

It's the king of the gypsies.

He's not the national king. He's just
the local one, but he's very colorful.

Okay, at this point, I'll take anything.

All right, Murray looks interesting.

Let's see if we can book him. Terrific.

Only, Murr, why couldn't it have been
Bonnie Prince Charlie?

I'm sorry, ma 'am. I know how
disappointed you must be.

Well, it's just that they practically
promised me the prince.

I mean, people shouldn't make promises
they can't keep.

How true, dear.

Sue Ann, listen.

You know what you have to do, Mary.

Yeah, so did Benedict Arnold.

Mr.

Grant? Yeah?

Could I see you for a minute?

What is it, Mary?

Wondering if you, uh, would do me a
favor.

Depends. Well, you see, I have this...
friend.

And... Well, she has sort of a... crush
on you.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I mean, she really thinks you're
something.

Well... Don't act so surprised, Mary.
Oh, well, no.

I have had my occasional triumphs with
the ladies.

I mean, I'll be a swinger, but I'm not a
hermit either.

Yeah, right. Well, anyway... So just
give me a little credit, Mary. Just

I don't flaunt it doesn't mean I don't
have it.

Right, okay. So anyway, this friend
wondered if you're not doing anything on

Saturday night.

If you would like to have dinner.

At her place.

Her place, huh?

Well, Mary, as it happens, I'm not doing
a thing Saturday night, so you can tell

your friend I'd be delighted.

It's a date.

Okay.

Only, uh, why didn't your friend speak
for herself?

Oh, I don't know, Lou. I guess I was too
shy.

Oh, I'm sorry. The traffic was awful.
How are things here?

How are things here?

Well, Mr. Grant is sulking up in the
booth because of his date with Sue Ann

tonight. He's furious with me. Ted
hasn't shown up yet. Neither has the

the Gypsies. Well, I've got the King of
the Gypsies with me, and he's not going

to improve your mood.

Mr. Kralik!

Mary, I'd like to present His Highness
Laszlo Kralik, King of the Gypsies.

Call me Laszlo.

How do you do, Laszlo? It's a pleasure
to have you with us.

Call me Kralik.

Oh, Pete, you want to get some hot
coffee down here?

Not for me, thank you. It keeps me
awake.

Well, I'd better go to the boat.
Marguerite! Oh, where are you going?

Ted? Well, I don't know.

Maybe you should run over the questions
in case you have to fill in.

Oh, good luck, Kralik.

Call me Laszlo.

What was your name again?

Mary. Lovely name.

I think it was my mother's.

Got anything to drink?

Why don't we just sit down?

let me ask you a couple of questions.

Call me Laszlo.

Right.

How many gypsies are you the king of?

How many you got?

Well, you see, Laszlo, in order to do an
interview... Call me Mary.

In order to do an interview... Mary,
I'll take over.

Your Highness.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

You play the accordion?

Why don't you just sit here for a
moment, and we'll be right back to you.

Wait here for a second. Yeah, sure.

Don't make any suspicious moves. Just
get to a phone and call the police.

The police? Why? What happened? I don't
think that man is the Crown Prince of

England.

It's after seven. You promised Sue Ann
you'd be there at seven. Don't rush me,

Murray. There's plenty of time. I don't
know what you're stalling for, Lou.

After all, I know a little bit about
these matters, and I can tell you're

getting one hot mama.

Listen, why don't we all have a drink?

Lou, it's ten after seven. We could
drink fast. No talk. Just pop, pop, pop.

You're right.

Come in.

Uh, Mr. Grant, could I talk to you for
just a few minutes?

Guy talk, Mary.

We were just leaving.

Lou, let me give you some advice.

Tonight, when you're alone with Sue Ann,
kiss her on the eyes.

Makes them crazy.

I feel really badly about having gotten
you involved in this.

Not bad enough.

Oh, come on, Mr. Grant.

Don't you think you're making just a
little too much of it?

I mean, it's just one lousy night.

Right.

One very lousy night.

Come on. How bad can it be?

She's a terrific cook.

She also happens to be a very warm
person. The word is hot.

Look, I'll admit, the way she got you to
accept was a cheap, deceitful,

underhanded trick.

But you fell for it.

Come on.

Come on.

It's time.

All right.

All right.

You know, Mary, you missed your calling.

You could have given pep talks to
kamikaze pilots.

Thanks, Mr. Granville.

You're a pleasure to cook for, Lou.

You had seconds and thirds on
everything.

I was just trying to make the meal last.

Well,

I figure if someone goes to all that
trouble, the least you can do is enjoy

There is nothing more rewarding than
giving pleasure to a man.

Right.

Right. So, you got any more of those
little toadstools?

No, we finished the truffles. We
finished all the food.

What about the cake?

All gone.

Great cake.

Light, fluffy.

Good. Now, why don't we take our coffee?
What about break? I ain't bread.

No, Lou.

Dinner is over.

Can I walk your dog?

I don't have a dog.

I'll go buy you one.

Lou, why don't we get a little more
coffee?

I've waited a long time for this
evening, Lou.

But it was worth waiting for.

Sure was. Great dinner.

What's that expression?

A great meal is a prelude to the
symphony of love.

Who said that?

I did.

Look, Sue Ann, don't do that. Go ahead,
Lou. You're stronger than I am. Pressure

advantage.

Jessica, Joel, what does it take?

I went for broke on this date. What did
I do wrong?

It's not... Is it me? If it is, you
might as well... You might as well just

me to my face. Is it me?

Yes.

That's exactly it.

You're absolutely right.

It's you.

Well... What I mean is that...

You're...

You're much too good for this.

Chasing men.

Throwing yourself at them.

That's not you, Sue Ann.

No.

You have much too much to offer.

Any guy would be darned lucky to catch
you.

But you have to have enough confidence
to let him do the catching.

You're a terrific broad.

A woman, that is.

Broad's okay.

But you don't give people a chance to
find that out.

The treasure shouldn't do the hunting,
Sue Ann.

You're a treasure.

You should act like it.

Okay?

I think maybe I'd better go.

Lou.

That was a lovely rejection.

Isn't life funny?

I've been accepted by lots of men. Felt
rotten.

You just rejected me.

I feel like a million dollars.

Thanks, Lou.

Listen.

This was a good evening.

Who knows?

Maybe... Maybe we'll do it again
sometime.

When?

Yeah, okay, thanks. I'll be right there.

Say, uh, Mary... I'm sorry, Ted, there's
a problem in the camera department.

I'm looking for Mary Richards.

He's right over there.

Mary?

Well, what can I do for you, Your
Highness?

When do I get money for my TV guest
shot?

Payroll takes care of that. It'll be a
week to ten days.

Okay. Give me some money on account.

I will not.

Mary?

You don't pay me. I put gypsy curse on
your head.

Gypsy curse?

May your tongue shrivel up.

Your eyeballs fall from their sockets.

Your teeth rot.

Your armpits catch fire.

And the soles of your feet.

be covered with boils.

How much do you want on the count?

Five dollars.

I'll take the curse.