All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore s05e22 You Cant Lose em All

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell,
why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Any word on nominations for the
Television Editors Award?

What, is it Teddy time again?

I nearly forgot.

Nothing in here, though.

Hi, guys.

Ted, what are you doing here so early?

My dear child, I've been working through
the night.

On what? You don't know how to do
anything.

Just a few letters I had to get out of
my correspondence.

These are all addressed to television
editors. Why are you writing to them?

Why don't you read us one of Ted's
letters, Mary?

Well, I wouldn't want to just tear them.
That's okay, it's okay. They're not

sealed. You can't get the bulk rate if
they're sealed.

Dear Ed, I know you're not supposed to
criticize a critic, but I can no longer

refrain from telling you that I consider
you the most brilliant reviewer in the

Western Hemisphere.

Your review of Tony Orlando and Dawn
will live in literature.

My hat's off to brilliance, Ted Baxter.

Ted, it won't work.

Why not? It worked last year. I won,
didn't I?

Well, you're not going to win twice in a
row.

People win twice in a row.

Lots of people. That's the real test,
Mary, winning twice in a row.

And after that, impeachment.

After that, retirement.

Well, actually, I won't retire. I'll
just sort of become a living legend.

I think you got a pretty good shot at
that, Ted.

answer something for me. Every year the
television editors give something they

call the Albert Mason Award for
unforgettable contribution to

And you know, every year I wonder who
was Albert Mason?

He was a crook who established the award
for a phony tax dodge.

And not only is it a phony award, but
they always give it to somebody who's

the hill.

That award marks the end of your career.

What are you doing?

I'm writing in Ted's name for the Albert
Mason Award.

I don't want to carry it.

Besides, generosity is second nature
with me.

Are you visiting anyone in particular in
the hospital, or are you just window

shopping? Well, it's part of my campaign
for the Teddy Awards. I want people to

think of me. Well, I'll certainly think
of you, Ted, every time I put out the

garbage.

They also gave him a bunch of balloons,
but Ted laid those on the graves of the

Civil War dead.

You are a real nice... Ted, you know
that? I mean, I would hate to be caught

with less than nine boxes of raisin
bran.

Wonderful.

Ted hates raisin bran.

He picks the raisins out with his spoon
and flicks them at the cat.

We have to go now, Ted.

The photographers are waiting. What
hospital are you going to visit?

Maternity. Ted wants to have his
pictures taken kissing a newborn baby.

Yeah. Then I saw a picture of what one
of those things looked like.

Anyway, I'm going to have a picture
taken shaking hands with one.

Shh.

What is that? Some kind of trouble?

It's going to be. The roof is going to
fall in.

I just heard from a friend on the Teddy
Awards Committee. And this year, Ted

isn't even nominated.

How can that be?

He spent all week visiting the sick.

Which actually did a lot of good.

Got them back on their feet in record
time.

I know.

But his competition topped him.

Whatever he did, they did better.

If he visited the sick, they visited the
dead.

They topped him up and down the line.

What about that Albert Mason award?

No, no, they haven't decided it yet. And
that's not a nomination, that's

bestowed. And Ted's too young for that.

It's never given to someone who can
still chew his own food.

And Ted know that...

No, and I don't want him reading it in
the paper.

One of us has got to break it to him.

Well, yeah, one of us should do that.

We used to have a saying in the Army,
Mary.

It's better to volunteer than be
drafted.

We used to have a saying in the pom -pom
girls, Mr. Grant.

Never date a guy in the band.

Well, I just want you to know you're not
the only one with those old sayings.

Okay, I'll tell him.

Ted? Yeah, Luke?

Will you have a second? Come to my
office.

Just a second, Luke.

Well, what do you want us to do, Luke?
You want us to stay or what?

No, I'd better do it in private.

And you don't know anything about it?

Another thing.

Let's play down the awards this year.
What awards?

Never heard of it. Yeah, this whole
discussion never took place.

Hi, guys.

Hi. Hi, people.

I am absolutely delirious. No kidding.
What have you been doing? Sucking a

fermented fig?

There were two wonderful pieces of news.

I have been nominated for a Teddy Award.

No one else at the station was.

Which includes you, dear, and I feel
terrible about it.

Who wants me to get another glass?

Must be good news. He wants to propose a
toast.

Probably about the awards.

Ted, the awards don't mean a thing.

for this award.

I baked and basted and fricasseed and
hemmed and flounced and flocked and

puckered my little fingers off for this
lousy award.

Oh, don't tell me it isn't wonderful.

Oh, it is, Sue Ann, and you deserve it.
Oh, thank you, dear. That's why I was so

anxious to tell you both.

Well, it's just a nomination, but it's
closer than I've ever gotten before.

What category are you in?

Daytime programming. It's a broad
grouping.

My competition is a religious program
and a bowling show.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Oh, you're a shoo -in. Oh, frankly, I'm
a little worried. The bowling show's a

piece of crud, but that hotshot priest's
a killer.

Poor Ted.

Although I must say, he is taking it
pretty quietly. I know.

Mr. Graham must have told him by now.

Yes? I didn't say anything.

Say, Lou, this isn't meant as a
criticism, because I really love having

talks with you. I really do.

Good.

But are you aware of the fact that we've
been sitting here now for five minutes

and you haven't said anything?

No, it's really been five minutes.

Where is the time?

You said you wanted to tell me
something.

Right.

Right.

Maybe you'll need this.

Is it normally toast good news with
champagne?

Of course, it's bad news.

If it's bad news, Lou, I'd rather not
hear it. Ted. I'm not strong, Lou.

Some people take bad news rather well. I
mean, it rolls right off their back.

But not me. I take bad news badly. I
don't want to hear any bad news.

Ted, I can't help it. Sure you can, Lou.

But if you were thinking of firing me,
you could change your mind.

Ted, I'm not thinking of firing you.

Oh, that's great news.

That wasn't the news.

Lou, I can't take bad news.

Unless it's about you, I might be strong
enough for that.

Ted, it's not about me. Look, take a
really good mouthful of that. Come on,

a hatch.

Down a hatch.

No, no, I mean actually swallow it.

Now, Ted, I'm going to give you some bad
news, and I want you to take it like a

man.

Because if you can just reach deep down
into yourself and find that inner

strength, I always felt that you have,
you'll be all right.

And what's more, you'll gain from
knowing all this because you'll know

you're a real man.

You weren't nominated this year. I'm
sorry, but there will be other years.

Pull yourself together and be a man.

Very well.

Very well.

I'm myself now.

I'm sorry.

Commit suicide.

Good. That's a good choice.

I've got a better way of showing the
world what they've done to me.

I'm going to let my appearance go to
hell.

Ted, don't you think that's a little
drastic?

Desperate men use desperate measures,
Murr.

I'm going to neglect the crease in my
pants.

Let the part of my hair grow crooked.

I'm going to... wear unshined shoes, and
clip -on ties.

My career's all washed up.

Mary, Mary, I'm sorry I let you down.

Oh, Ted, you didn't... Ted?

Ted, uh... You want to know why you
weren't nominated?

It was... my fault, Ted.

My rotten writing cost you the
nomination.

I wondered about that.

Well, now you can stop wondering and
just don't blame yourself.

That's right.

You're to blame.

You're the reason I didn't win the
nomination.

Thanks, Murr.

It was rotten writing, that's what it
was. Rotten writing was all Murray's

fault.

Thanks, Murrah. Rotten writing.

Rotten writing, that's what it was.

Thanks, Murrah.

Yeah, I should have known better.

Would somebody get me a glass of water?

I just had a bit of bad news.

Mr. Grant, what's the matter?

What is it, Lou? You look terrible. I
must.

They're giving me the Albert Mason on
it.

Oh, Mr. Grant.

Oh.

Hey, gals. Have you heard the great
news?

The Teddy Brass has tapped me for a
presenter's gig.

Oh, kid, those are the most wonderful
words I've ever heard.

What do they mean?

That means I'm going to help present the
awards.

Actually, it's better than winning one.
You're right, Ted, it is. Everyone knows

that.

Oh, Mr. Grant, here's the information
you wanted.

Oh, thanks, Mary.

What are you going to do about Ted?

Ted's going to present the Teddy Awards.

He was tapped with a brass gig.

It sounds awful, but it's really
wonderful.

Oh, great.

Well, I'm glad you're happy about the
awards, Ted. I'm glad somebody around

is happy about the awards.

Mr. Grant has been given the Albert
Mason Award, and it's a big honor.

Then why is he grinding his teeth?

Because I don't want it. They only give
that award to old crocs.

I'm not an old croc. I'm a young middle
-aged croc.

Mr. Grant, will you just tell me what's
so terrible about receiving an award?

I'll tell you what's so terrible. The
winner has to make a speech, and I'm

afraid of making speeches.

Well, can I offer you a word of wisdom?

Ted, you can't spare it.

be afraid of giving a speech for a large
group.

Then one day, an old radio announcer
came up to me and he said, think of them

all sitting out there naked.

I've never been nervous since.

Occasionally, I giggle.

And once in a while, I get excited.

But never nervous.

Well, I am. Mary, you handle this. I
think I'll go get drunk.

Hold it.

Mr. Grant, you're not going anywhere.
There's no need to go get drunk.

What the hell? about awards. I mean, you
see what it's doing to people?

People are nervous. People are
miserable.

And for what? The award doesn't matter.

Come on, it's our work.

Our friendship. Our respect for each
other. That's what counts.

Not awards. Awards are forgotten the
next day.

Who remembers, for example, the name of
the Albert Mason winner last year?

Carl Frobisher.

Okay, poor example. Who was...

two years ago. Morton C. Foster.

Best daytime documentary, 1971.

St. Paul solved its sewage problem, John
Epstein, Betty Ann Barnes.

Come on, I'll buy you a drink.

Best kiddie show, 1957.

Buffalo Bob Fogle.

Mary, can I tell you something
privately?

Yeah, sure.

Well, if anybody deserved a nomination
this year, you did.

I mean, you did the news, you produced
it for the first time, you did a great

job. No, I didn't. Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

If I go one more round, will you?

Sure.

Yes, you did.

Hey, how come you guys didn't bring any
dates tonight?

Well, frankly, Ted, I was embarrassed to
bring a date, especially after the

things that have happened the last
couple of years.

Me too.

Now, Marie has boycotted the award since
that time Ted came over to our place

after losing, swallowed a handful of
pills out of the medicine can. I didn't

hear about that.

Well, it didn't do any harm, except Ted
will never get pregnant.

It was terrible.

I retained water for two months.

I have a hunch you're going to win, Sue
Ann. I just have the strangest feeling

deep down inside.

So do I.

I think I'm going to throw up.

Mr. Grant, it's almost time to go.

I can't, Mary. I have to wait till my
date gets here.

Where's she coming from?

Malta.

I think this is going to be the worst
evening in the history of Western

civilization. Hey, Mr. Grant, if you're
nervous about that speech, why don't you

try it out on us?

Once you see that everyone likes it, you
won't be so nervous about doing it

later. Maybe you're right. Yeah, of
course I am. Hey, look, everybody, could

gather around for just a minute?

Mr. Grant would like to try out his
little speech on us.

Ladies

and

gentlemen, and members of the Television
Editors Association.

Wonderful.

This award is stupid.

And I would tell Albert Mason to his
face.

But in 1967, he skipped to Argentina
when he was charged with the crime of

selling the military unsafe latrines.

Thank you very much.

Yes, Mary.

You can't deliver that speech.

Well, listen, it's a free country.

You can't deliver that speech and remain
in Minneapolis.

No. But it's the truth.

But you can't publicly ridicule
everybody in that room.

You know, Mary, for the first time, I'm
sort of glad to get that award.

Lou? Huh?

I thought it was great.

You took my tip and pictured everybody
naked, huh?

No, Ted, I didn't picture everybody
naked.

That's funny. I did.

This year, the nominees are three fine
programs.

The Happy Homemaker hosts Sue Ann
Nivens. Strikes and Spares hosts Morty

Flemish. And Countdown to Glory hosts
Father James Dannenbrink.

And the winner is, oh, the winners are,
we have a tie here, Sue Ann Nevins

and Father Dannenbrake.

presumptuous of me to thank you for this
award since in a much larger sense you

cashed your ballots not for me but for
someone with whom i am unworthy to share

it oh thank you this

award

confers great honor it also carries
certain financial

benefits

be contract time very soon.

Thanks to you, this year, Father Dan and
Brink and I can really put the screws

to the big shot.

And now to present the award for Best
Newscaster, here is last year's winner,

WJM's inimitable... Ted Baxter.

Hey, good to see you again. How you
been?

My friends, this is what America is all
about.

A former winner getting up here and
giving away an award he should have won

himself.

That's why Mike told you you're running
late. You should have started sooner.

What is an anchorman?

Wasn't it Shakespeare who once said, All
right, all right.

Nominees are Ernie Reeves, Headline
Report, Pete Aldi, Evening Headline,

Do It, Reported Evening, and The Winner
Is.

Thank you.

Well said, Lester.

That's it.

There's no one else but me.

And so it is now my privilege to
introduce this year's winner of the

Mason Award.

The grand old man of the WJM newsroom,
Lou Grant.

I'm not going to go up there.

Lou, you've got to.

I'm not leaving this chair.

Mr. Grant, you have got to go up there.
You said I couldn't give my speech. I

have nothing to say.

Can someone accept the award for him?

Uh, yeah.

She'll accept it.

Accepting the Albert Mason Award for Lou
Grant is... What's your name, dear?

Mary Richards.

Mary Richards.

Mr. Grant, I am not going up there. You
won that award. Now you are going to

accept it. Now go.

I accept the award.

Would you toss it over?