All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore s05e08 Menage a Phyllis

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell,
why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all

You're gonna make it after

think of anything.

Me neither.

What? What about... Ah, no.

It stinks.

Mary, you can't get an idea by being
negative. Let's try being positive. Who

knows? Maybe your idea will be terrific.

Okay. What about a documentary on
women's changing role?

That stinks.

I know.

Mr. Grant, this is crazy. We finally get
the money to do a documentary and we

can't even think of one.

All right, I'll tell you what. Sit down.

I'll just throw... out a lot of ideas
really fast. You know, just anything to

get us thinking. Doesn't have to be
good. Just anything. Move us into the

areas just real fast, okay? Okay.

Okay.

Maybe it'd be better if we went slow.

I'll tell you what, I cut some magazine
articles out a little while ago. Why

don't we look through them?

Maybe we'll get an idea.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm not a model or anything. The
very idea. I mean, me?

A model?

Me? A model?

What I'm saying is, I am too plain to
ever be a model under

any circumstances.

You're just saying that.

Tell us.

We're working here. What do you want?

Well, the ballet opens tonight, and I
was wondering if I could possibly borrow

some earrings.

Well, I don't have any.

I hate everything I have. I'm absolutely
desperate. All right, all right. Just a

minute.

They're dancing Coppelia tonight.

Such a beautiful ballet.

As the curtain opens, the bell ringers
alight, quickly followed by wildflowers.

Fellas, we are working here. We are
working. We are looking for an idea for

documentary. Oh, I have one. Yeah?

What about the rising public interest in
the supernatural?

Hey, you know, Mr. Grant, that's not a
bad idea. What do you think?

No, that's not too bad. That could be
pretty interesting. Thank you.

Mary, great.

Mike has never seen them.

Mike? Uh -huh.

Mike. The guy I go out with.

I need them to be nice and tight for
when I toss my head back in that way I

have.

No, what do you mean the guy you go out
with? I mean, does... Oh, I guess I

should explain.

As you know, Lars and I have this
perfect marriage based on...

Mutual respect and esteem.

There's just one problem.

When it comes to culture, Lars is a
pinhead.

So I've got myself a companion. Really
bright, interesting guy. He and I go to

the ballet, concerts, and museums
together.

Lars, of course, totally approves. I
see.

I know it's a daring new concept, the
idea that a man and woman can be just

friends.

But I've always been a pioneer.

If you'll remember, Mary, Lars and I had
the first water pick in the building.

Oh, excuse me, I was looking... Mike!

Oh, hi, Phyllis. Lars told me you were
up here.

Oh, Mike, this is my friend Mary
Richards. Mike Tedesca. Mary, hi. Come

please. Do we have time to sit and chat?

Yeah, sure, we got time.

Lou, this is Mike Tedesca, little grand.

Oh, hi, Mike. Lou?

So, you like the ballet, huh? I
certainly do.

Yeah, I've never been myself.

Well, you should go.

Yeah, I've been meaning to.

Well, I mean, there's something really
beautiful about the way they move.

The timing, the coordination. It's like
watching a double play from Reese to

Robinson to Hodges.

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.

That was some team. Billy Cox III?

For real on, right? Ah!

to relate to everyone at his own level.

Well, I think we should be going.

We don't want to be late for Coppelia.
Right. Well, it was nice meeting you

both. Yeah, same here. Thank you. Good
meeting you. Say, Phyllis, thanks for

that idea on the supernatural.

Oh, yeah, it should make a great
documentary. I know. When Channel 4 did

week, it was wonderful.

like a terrific guy.

Oh, I don't mean it that way, Murray. I
mean, he just wasn't what I expected,

you know? I mean, he really was
terrific.

Phyllis going out with another man? Why,
that's disgusting.

A married woman playing around behind
her husband's back? Oh, that's just

disgusting.

It's not what you think. Mike isn't
interested in Phyllis for that sort of

thing.

Oh, I get it.

You mean the guy's a little...

What's four floors between friends?

Hi, Lou. Hi, Mike. How are you? How are
you doing?

Mike, I'd like you to meet Murray
Slaughter and Ted Baxter. This is Mike

Tedesco. Hello, Mike. Nice to meet you.

Oh.

Oh.

Mike, hello.

Hello. So, how was the ballet?

Oh, it was great. Just great.

Ballet, huh?

Mike went to the ballet.

Oh, well, either way, it's all right
with me.

I've never cared what a guy's race,
religion, or sex is.

Black or white, Jew or Gentile, AM or
FM.

I mean, what the heck, we're just all
people.

Some of us are.

Come on, Murray, it's your turn not to
think of an idea for a documentary.

Good seeing you, Mike. Yeah, nice
meeting you.

I'm a 19th floor.

Oh? I hope it was on the 11th floor,
but... Well, you know, four floors is

thing, but going 12 floors for someone
else, that's a commitment.

So, how was the ballet lesson? I asked
you that, didn't I?

Yeah, listen.

This old friend of mine, a guy named
Angie I grew up with in New York, I've

never forgotten his mother's cooking.

Well, by some wild chance, she's come
out here. Mrs. Biamonte, his mother, has

opened up a restaurant.

I went there a couple of nights ago.

And Mary, it has, without a doubt, the
worst food in the world.

So the point is, Mary, I would like to
have dinner with me someplace else.

Oh.

Well, Mike, I'd love to, but the thing
is, I'm just so very busy here.

Just, well, I know it doesn't look busy
here.

Underneath, where it's really very busy.
It's just, well, so much work, I can't

even think about it.

Well, look, if you, you know, should
suddenly find yourself free.

Why don't you call me? I'll give you my
number. Good, good, good.

And if you should lose this paper, don't
worry. I'm in the book.

Okay. And if you should lose the book,
don't worry. I'll call you.

My thanks for stopping by.

I, uh... Well, just... Thanks for
stopping by.

Yeah, so long.

So long.

Well, he seemed like a nice guy.

He is.

He just asked me out.

Oh? Of course, I said no.

I mean, he's Phyllis's friend.

Well, Phyllis's platonic friend, you
know, but still, I... Well, I'll be in

editing a few things.

Okay.

That guy is Mariel, huh? Yeah.

I just hope he's not trying to use her
to get to me.

Come in.

Hi, how are you feeling?

Oh, not the same.

Well, I got you the magazine and the ice
cream.

Oh, very great.

Ever since I was a teeny tiny little
girl, whenever I'd get sick, my mommy'd

prop me up in bed, bring me a lot of
magazines and ice cream, and now you

brought me magazines and ice cream.

Thank you, Bobby.

I love vanilla.

Whenever I love something, I'd say, I
love it.

But not just with vanilla. Whenever I
like something, I'd say, I loved it.

Like I love candy.

I love licorice.

I love daddy.

I love mommy. Phyllis, you're making me
nauseous.

to have you miss the rig of the
Nibelunga just cause Dub V caught a Dub

Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you take
Mary?

Oh, no, no. Yeah, you know, I was just
about to suggest the same thing myself.

Oh, no, thank you. Mary, please. I'll
feel terrible if you don't go.

Well, okay.

Well, good, good.

Hey, come on, we better go. I know these
Wagnerian operas. They don't feed

anybody during the last six hours. Yeah.

Phyllis, I hope you feel bad.

Oh, thank you.

Mary, could I see you for a second?

Yeah, sure.

Look, I'll bring the car around front,
okay? Okay.

Mary, could you bring me back something
after the opera?

Sure, Phil. What do you want?

Mike.

Lives in New York, doesn't she?

Yeah, Mr. Grant, she does. Mary, why are
you making all these long -distance

calls? Well, Mr. Grant, it's just that
sometimes things happen in my life, and

need to talk to Rhoda. I need her
advice.

Well, why don't you use me?

Mr.

Grant, I'm sorry to laugh. It's the last
thing in the world I would talk to you

about. Oh, no, no, no.

Don't get up. Sit down. Sit down.

The last thing in the world you talk to
me about.

I'm your friend, right?

Right. And you're always talking to me
about why don't I break away from this

thing about men are only good for some
things and women are only good for other

things. I mean, why does a woman have to
feel she can only confide in a woman?

Why can't she confide in a man just as
well?

I think I'm going to be sorry, but I'll
give it a try.

Hey, Lou, you want to go to lunch? I
can't. Mary's going to confide in me.

Oh, yeah? What's the trouble?

Well, it's the kind of thing I usually
don't talk to men about.

But I knocked the pegs out from under
her, and now she's got it.

Well, you know this guy, Mike, who came
to the news?

about four or five times in the last
couple of weeks, and I'm beginning to

a little funny about it, you know? I
mean, he's Phyllis' friend.

Well, how serious is it between you and
Mike?

Oh, no, it's not serious at all. I mean,
no.

We're just friends.

You mean he's never made a pass at you?

No. Well, maybe Ted was right about
that.

Now I know why women never confide in
men.

listening outside that door in silence.

Walk it up.

And do you seriously believe that a guy
and a chick can go out five times

together and nothing happens? I mean, do
you? I mean, it goes against nature.

Yeah.

Oh, and the man upstairs decreed that
there would be two kinds of people in

world, male and female, and he did it
for a reason.

Some people are squeamish about saying
what that reason is, but I'm not afraid.

I'll come right out and say it. The
reason is S .E .X.

That's why he made men and women
different from each other.

He wanted them to have S .E .X.

If you didn't want them to have S .E
.X., you'd have missed all the same.

That way, they would have been just one
kind of person in this world.

Flat all over.

just hate people who borrow things and
never return them. Which reminds me,

how's Mike?

He's fine.

Oh, good.

Good. Mary,

you want to hear something funny? This
will really amuse you.

Remember when you told me yesterday that
you and Mike were going to that

concert? Well, when I pictured you and
Mike at the concert, swaying to the

seductive strains of Mahler's
kindertoten leader.

Dear, funny, sweet, loony Mary.

I'm delighted that you and Mike are
hitting it off so well.

Oh, Mary, I wanted to ask you, are you
doing anything later?

Yeah, I'm going out with Mike.

Oh, okay.

Some other time.

Okay.

Isn't that funny?

I just felt that same pang again.

It's the most amusing phenomenon.

One minute you're having this civilized
discussion with your dearest friend, and

suddenly you have a primitive urge to
see her covered with honey and tied to

anthill.

But not as long as you're acting this
way. Acting?

Acting how, my dear?

Bill, come on. For once in your life,
will you say what you mean? Will you

talk plain?

Okay, cutie.

You want plain? I'm going to give you
plain.

That dude isn't going to be interested
in a cultural evening with a happily

married housewife when he's got...
Action City, USA.

Phyllis, if that was bothering you, let
me put your mind at rest.

My relationship with Mike is totally
platonic.

I mean, totally.

Well, it's none of my business.

But I must say, I am surprised.

Because even though he knows I'm
married, off limits, verboten, no

He's been so steamed up, I was afraid I
was going to have to...

these pathetic little lies to make it
sound like men find me irresistible.

Oh, Phil, come on.

Mike obviously enjoyed going out with
you. Well, I hope you're right, Mary,

because these last few weeks have been
so important to me to have someone to

dress up for.

Oh, I know I could dress up for Lars,
but somehow it seems silly to put on

best ensemble for a man. who's walking
around the house with a sweatshirt that

says, I'd rather be sailing.

Listen, I know how you feel.

You don't have anything to worry about.
Mike and I are not involved.

Oh, Mary, that makes me feel so much
better.

You were right, Mary. We should always
be honest with each other.

Let's really be honest.

You know that stupid thing women have
about telling their ages?

Let's tell.

tell you my age for the first time, and
it isn't easy.

I am 43 years old.

That's right, Mary, 43.

Aren't you going to say something?

Boy, are you old.

We can go.

Mary, would you mind very much if we
didn't go to a movie tonight?

No. No, to tell you the truth, I think
if I see one more French film about a

sensitive schoolboy who learns all about
life from a voluptuous yet sensitive

older woman. Who's his mother?

Right.

Would you like a drink?

No, I don't think so. Well, Mary, would
you mind very much if I broke our date

this evening?

No.

But look, something's come up and I
don't have much time. Can we talk?

Yeah, sure.

Look, we've gone out four or five times,
right?

Right.

You've probably wondered why I haven't
tried anything.

Oh, no.

Yes, as a matter of fact.

I have.

Well, look, I used to go with this girl
named Sharon.

As a matter of fact, well, we lived
together for about three years.

You never tried anything with her
either?

Anyway, we broke up about a month ago.

That's when I started going out with
Phyllis.

I had hoped it would sort of take my
mind over things, but, Mary, it hasn't

worked. I've been pretty unhappy without
Sharon. And as it turns out, Sharon's

been pretty unhappy without me.

And, well, so we're going to get
married.

Oh, Mike.

Hey, that's wonderful.

Have you told Phyllis? No, I'll tell her
right now.

Do you have any dental floss?

Lars won't eat his dinner until he knows
he can floss when he finishes.

Am I mentioning Sharon, don't you?

Yes.

Well, I saw her this afternoon and we
straightened things out.

We're going to get married.

Oh, Mike, how nice.

Have you told Mary?

Yeah, I just told her.

Oh, poor Mary.

I just hope that you and Sharon will be
as happy in your marriage as Lars is in

mine.

Thanks. And, uh, Mary, I'd just like to
say that if it hadn't been for Sharon...

Oh. Well, all I want to say is I think
you're terrific. Thanks.

Fellas? Yes, Mike?

Fellas, there are no words to describe
you.

you cared for Mike.

Phil, come on. I told you Mike and I
were just friends. That's all.

Mary, don't try to be brave.

Come on. You can cry on my shoulder.

It's just an inexpensive selling these
for a trail.

Oh.

Phyllis, in your own peculiar way, you
really care about me, don't you? Care

about...

that Lars and Phyllis and Mike were
having? What do you call that, open

marriage? Yeah. Well, maybe that would
be a good idea for a documentary.

You know, it might be.

No, I don't like it, Lou.

Huh? No, I don't go for the idea of
married people dating other people on a

purely friendly basis. Oh, come on,
Murray.

Hasn't there ever been a woman in your
life who was a friend and a companion

without any physical contact?

Yeah.

My wife.