All language subtitles for Mad About You s06e11 Good Old Reliable Nathan

And then we'll baby -proof the rest of
the apartment.

We'll shorten all the telephone cords
because, of course, the child could

accidentally pull the phone down onto
herself.

God, I never thought of that. I've seen
it happen.

And then we'll putty down all your
pictures in your bric -a -brac.

Bric -a -brac?

Bric -a -brac could hurt a person? I've
seen it happen.

All right, listen, you know, we have a
guest coming shortly. Then we'll magnet

lock all your wall unit doors, just like
we did to the kitchen cabinets and

drawers. Well, there's nothing in there
but videotape. My friend, she could yank

one out, unravel it, twirl it. Oh, I
don't think... I've seen it happen. What

happened?

I will need to do something with this
wine rack here. You know, we should just

get rid of that, because we never drink
anymore.

True, I'm still breastfeeding. He's got
this tannin allergy.

Yeah, so you can imagine a wild Saturday
nights around here.

Okay, well, I'm going to go downstairs
to get the rest of my stuff, and then

we'll get started. Thank you so much.
Thanks.

Okay, I'm going to take a wild guess.
This guy's bathtub is covered with those

rubber daisies.

What do you think?

Nice. He's your baby proofer. You want
him to be a paranoid freak. I guess. I

suppose so.

Hey, hey, Professor Twilly is going to
be here like any minute.

Twilly? Yeah, Professor Twilly.

Nathan Twilly.

That's the guy whose class I'm speaking
at.

By the way, I invited him back here
after class for lunch because he knows a

of critics, and I just think the more I
suck up, the better.

Yeah, perfect.

Did I tell you the subject?

violence in films. I'm going to talk
about Pulp Fiction. I figured it was a

great idea. And I'll talk about the
character Marcellus and the foot rub and

that went. Well, what?

Wow, Nathan Twilley.

Nathan Twilley. Why, you know him?

Um, I know who he is. He taught at Yale
when I was there. Of course, so you know

him. Yeah, I, uh, I took his class,
actually. Yeah, so, oh, so you know him.

Yeah, I sort of know him a little bit,
sort of socially.

Good. All right, so what did you know?

Yeah, we were pretty darn social,
actually.

I understand. So you know him? Yeah.

Honey?

Oh.

Oh, so you know him? I know him, yes, I
do.

Wow. Yes.

Well, that's something. Yeah.

That's interesting.

Boy, that just doesn't seem right. I
mean, that's an Ivy League school.

Honey, once the lights go out, nobody
cares what you got on your SATs.

That's such a cliche, you know, a
college professor taking advantage of

position and swooping down on an
innocent young... No, no, no, no, he did

swoop. There was no swooping. No, he
swooped. No, I pursued him. He was so

and brilliant. He had this, like,
electric mind.

And he was kind and sensitive.

Yeah, you know what, honey? Big swooper.
No!

I would sit there every Wednesday in the
same place, second row on the end, and

I would flirt with him the whole class
long. I would smile, I'd do this...

sensual thing, this little hand thing.
It was me.

What do you mean? What do you mean hand?
What did you do with your hands?

Whatever. This little... It was a hand
thing. Whatever. Nothing.

Well, now you've got to tell me what the
hand thing is.

I would go, here is the church.

Here is the steeple.

Open the door and see all the people.

I've got to have you right now. You know
what? It was very, very sexy at the

time. Sweetie, can I tell you something?
He swooped down and you was swooped

upon. No.

Hey, there.

Hi, Nat. I was the one who was hungering
for my first sexual experience. Oh,

dear.

What? What? What? I didn't want to waste
myself on some frat boy who'd never...

Have I come at a bad time? I can just...
No, no, no.

So this is the guy who took your
virginity? Oh, yeah. I'll just...

No, it's just, you know, it's just news.

That's, uh... No, it's not upsetting me,
because it's a long time ago. And,

listen, you graduated, so... Wait, I'm
going to guess an A in film.

Hey,

listen, onward we move. All right.

Don't worry about it.

Is it going to be awkward for you,
though? I mean, that's, you know, being

around a guy who opened a door and saw
all those people. No, it'll be fine.

You sure? Because no kidding around. I
mean, that's a very odd thing, to be

around an old sexual partner.

It was one night.

Oh. One solitary, incredible night. He
was a phenomenal lover.

All right, all right.

I'll bite.

What?

Why? Why phenomenal?

He had a gift.

Okay, okay. What do you mean? What do
you mean? What kind of gift? A gift.

Whatever it was. It was a gift. No, come
on. Now you have to tell me what the

gift was.

He...

Without touching you, with everybody
fully clothed, he could stare at you,

long, focused stare, and he could bring
a woman to

orgasm.

Well, Merry Christmas, that's a gift.

If I might, because then you can just
finish. Come on now.

Come on, Marie.

Come on, Marie.

Dog.

You promised me this isn't upsetting
you.

I'm really not upset, because A, it was
way before my time, and two, you know,

listen, although I use my eyes for more
conventional purposes like, for example,

seeing, I have to be totally secure in
my sexual prowess. And well you should

be. And by the way,

You know, I had wonderful teachers in
college, too. I'm sure you did. Didn't

sleep with them. I didn't sleep with
them. I would just ask them things like,

hey, when is the final? But, you know,
that's me.

Where are you going? I'm going to comb
through my hair. Okay, you fix yourself

up nice, and I'll welcome into our home
the first man with whom you ever slept.

Oh, Paul.

Professor Twilley.

I have just heard so much about you.

Really? Yeah, please, please, come on
in.

Please, I'm... You know my wife, I
believe, Jamie Buckman.

Nay Stemple.

Hello.

Actually, no, I don't believe I've had
the pleasure. Nathan Twilley.

Nathan, think back.

Okay.

Yale.

1984, postmodern cinema.

Second row on the end.

I'm terribly sorry. I just don't recall.

Uh, hey, no staring.

Hello? Can I help you?

Hi. Um, I'm looking for a Mr. Ira
Buckman. Hey, you got him.

Oh, hi. I'm Cheryl Gendelman.

Gendelman? Gendelman? How do I know that
name?

I'll give you a hint.

Max Gendelman, loving husband to many,
devoted father of Toots and Leon

Gendelman, 1909 to 1988.

Wait a minute. I know that epitaph.

Of course you do. The Buckmans and the
Gendelmans have adjoining burial plots

the gates of Damascus Cemetery.

Nice to meet you. Nice to put the face
together with the stone.

Here's the thing. My cousin Leon passed
away suddenly over the weekend.

And his last words were, bury me
sideways.

So we promised that we would.

Well, that's a little out of the
ordinary.

Well, in order to bury him sideways, we
need another plot.

Specifically, that of a Mr.

Paul, Paul Buckman.

Paulie? Yeah. I don't think Paulie's
going to go for that, but I tell you

why don't you do this?

You know, why don't you take your cousin
Leon, you bury him regular, but you

tell him that you're going to bury him
sideways.

Oh.

I didn't mean to... All right, hey, hey,
hey. How about this?

Sideways, but folded nicely.

Okay, bad idea.

You know, I've just had a really, really
difficult couple of days, and I just

need a little compassion, okay?

Okay, okay.

Do you think it would be... What?

Would it be okay if we just went for a
cup of coffee or something?

Sure.

Hi.

Hi. Did I miss it? I hope I didn't miss
it. No, it didn't even start yet.

Oh, good.

So what do you think? This looks like a
crowd that would like to hear us talk

about Pulp Fiction, huh?

How can they not remember me?

Because you were easy.

was the film that, although flawed in
some respects, put Lina Wertmuller on

map because it... Because

it...

Because

it... Because it unified comedy and
political philosophy in a manner which

reach the masses.

Yeah.

Would you all excuse me just one moment?

Jamie?

Yes?

I'm so sorry. Of course I remember you.
Well, thank God.

That was quite a night.

It was, wasn't it? I'll say.

I'm sorry.

It's entirely inappropriate for me to
talk about it now. You're married. You

have a child.

I'm very happy for you. Thank you.

Wait a minute.

Does Paul know about... Uh -huh.

Does he know that it was your... world
premiere?

Yes, uh -huh.

Good Lord. Jamie, don't you have a diary
or a clergyman you could talk to about

this kind of thing?

I don't think he believed me about the
stare.

Oh, my God. You told him about the
stare?

Are you crazy?

He's fine about it, Nathan, really.

Jamie.

Jamie, a man may tell you that he's
untroubled by being in the company of

man who first made love to his wife, who
first took her to places both

physically and emotionally that she had
never been before, in ways that she had

never got there before.

Or I'm going to go out on a limb and
say, since...

But believe me, such a man is just
putting up an antic disposition.

In his heart, he's filled with rage.

Oh, you had to do the stare, didn't you?

Couldn't help yourself, could you, stud?
No.

Idiot!

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please
help me welcome the director of a

wonderful new film, Buckman.

Mr. Paul Buckman.

Thank you. Thank you, Professor, for
those kind words.

You know, today's subject being violence
in film, I thought we could discuss one

of the more jolting films in recent
memory, Pulp Fiction.

Now, if you recall, in the beginning of
the film, we hear of a man named

Marcellus who has thrown a guy through a
window simply because the guy

massaged the foot.

of Marcellus' wife.

So think about that.

Think about that.

Marcellus was willing to take a man's
life and violently,

violently, just because the guy rubbed
his wife's toes.

Now that gets your attention, doesn't
it?

Doesn't it?

So, Cheryl, tell me something.

What is it with you gentlemen and
sideways?

So, you don't think you're going to have
any trouble getting Paul to sign over

his burial plot? Oh, no problem. He'll
understand.

You're a good soul.

I'm glad I already have a burial plot
because you're killing me.

That'll teach you to massage the foot of
the wife of another man.

Revenge is mine.

Yeah,

thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you, Mr. Butler. Wasn't that
wonderful?

Just to make your hair stand on end.

Well, I guess that's it. Class
dismissed.

Gave it a shot. So what do you say?
Ready for lunch? Oh, you know what? I

think that I can.

Of course you can. We're going to pick
stuff up on the way home.

Come on, a little socializing wouldn't
kill you.

No, no, really.

You know what it is? I forgot. I have
student conferences.

What students here would like to have a
conference?

Student conferences being held right
now.

Extra credit for any student who would
like to confer.

I'd urge you to do it right now. For
both our sakes, please.

Now.

Help me.

Help you.

So, lunch?

Uh -huh.

After you.

Great.

I've been looking forward to this a long
time.

I can't believe the elevator's still
out.

I've been down anywhere.

I am so hungry, I could eat like a fried
human being.

Me too. Very hungry.

Yeah. Let me take your coat, Professor.

Oh, please.

Hang on.

Oh. Oh, this is going to be irritating,
honey.

Any thoughts?

Boy, I just don't know.

Just had the place baby -proofed. Oh,
I'm not even sure what we're supposed

to...

I'm fine. Let's put some ice on that.
That would be nice. This baby pooping

gets... Look at this.

Proofs everything. It leaves a nail gun
out. How careless is that?

Oh, my God.

Oh, let me apologize. I am so sorry.
It's okay.

Are you sure? Oh, yes. Come on, ice.
Let's get you some ice. That would be

Put some ice on that. It'll fix you
right up.

I love that vase.

Hey. Hey. You know, your elevator is
out. Yeah, I know. I know.

Well, listen.

If I asked you to sign something without
telling you what it was, would you do

it? What? Of course, yeah. If I told you
it was really important to me and just

to trust me and sign it without asking
any questions, would you do it?

Of course.

Okay, good.

Sign this, would you?

What is it?

I'm so sorry that happened. What are you
going to do?

What, are you crazy?

What? Are you out of your mind?

Listen to me.

I want that burial plot.

I need that burial plot.

I plan to make very good use of that
burial cup.

I don't care if this guy is cut up and
buried in sections, all right?

I wish I could remember what I did with
those ice packs.

How about I go buy one? No, no, no.

I'll find it.

I'm so sorry.

The ice packs, they're under the sink.
I'll get it. No, no, no. I'll get it.

No, there's no reason you should do
that.

Please, I will get it. I will do the
getting. The getting will be done by me.

Sure.

Boy, this is tricky.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This guy
puts these magnets on every door.

The trick is you've got to swivel the
magnet just to get it to the exact right

spot. Ow!

It's perfectly all right, but I really
should be going because I... I'm cold!

I'm so terribly sorry.

We've got to get you something to eat.

What I need is liquor, and a lot of it.

So, what did Paul say?

He said no.

I've got to go.

I have to go find a member of the, uh,
Cowchuck family.

Cowchuck? The burial plot on the other
side.

All right. Some lovely beverages.

Jamie?

No, no, no. That's the professor's.

Oh.

That's yours. That's mine. That's yours.

Thank you.

You know, that class was such an honor
for me today. It's such a thrill,

when I saw those kids, I mean, they
seemed like they were captivated. They

really, oh, no, no, you don't want mine.

You don't want mine. That's just grape
juice in there.

Oh? Yeah, I have an allergy to tannin,
so I couldn't be trying to kill me.

But I really felt they were hanging on
my every word.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Still breastfeeding.

You know what?

I'd like to make a toast, if I might.

To, uh, to violence and film.

Come on, drink up, drink up.

Ah, shoot!

Oh, no,

no, no, no, I'll get some...

For

God's sake, buy a bigger coin!

Clean up the messes.

What kind of coat is that?

What is it, some sort of gang uniform?

a roof for the elevator car there.

That I've never seen happen.

Well, give me your hand. I thought you
liked it. Of course.