All language subtitles for Mad About You s06e09 The Conversation

So this is it? This is it.

Really?

Honey, Mabel has to learn to go to sleep
on her own without us there rocking her

and holding her and stuff.

But already?

Does she have to do it already?

Well, we can wait till she's a teenager,
but it's going to be much tougher on

our backs.

Okay. All right. So what happens now?

So now we wait and see if she falls
asleep. And if she does, then that's

End of story.

And if she doesn't?

And if she doesn't, then we wait till
the end of the first interval.

Okay. How?

How long is the first interval?

Five minutes.

Okay, and then what?

And then one of us can go in and comfort
her verbally.

Okay.

But we can pick her up, though, right?

Verbally.

Yeah, no, we comfort her verbally, but
we can pat her a little bit. Honey? No,

okay, just verbally.

Wait, just one of us? One of us.

What if the other one is, like, hanging
way back? Okay, just one of us.

Which one?

Whichever we want.

That's not really an answer. You know
what? You. There you go. You. There you

go. And I'll go in after the second
interval.

Wait a second.

Wait a second. Is she still crying after
we go in? We've got to do a second

interval? Yep.

How long is that? Ten minutes.

Is there a third interval? Fifteen
minutes.

How many intervals do they give you? As
many as we need until she falls asleep

or until morning comes, in which case we
get her dressed and start the day.

Who's going to get us dressed?

I think this is good for her. I really
do.

Can't see how.

In the long run.

I don't see the long run.

She needs to learn how to comfort
herself.

Yeah, no, of course she does.

Why? Why does she?

Otherwise, what's she going to do when
she's...

three and some brat steals her tricycle
or she's 15 and some guy says he likes

her but is a friend i don't know or when
she's a 42 year old executive and she

has some great idea and somebody else
steals all the credit what's she gonna

then cry but when she's done crying jump
on daddy's tummy

but you just like don't want to grasp
this do you did fran and mark do this no

they ran in there every five seconds now
ryan's like 14 he's eating the

furniture

I just, I mean, to me, I think we should
be sending her the exact opposite

message, which is that if something goes
wrong, she can come to us. I mean, to

me, that's the purpose that parents
serve.

Really? Yeah.

Well, that and then, you know, later
we'll embarrass her in front of her

friends. Wait a minute. I explained to
you exactly what was going to happen. I

told you the whole theory. You said
okay.

No, I didn't say okay. I said okay.

I mean, if it were up to me, I would go
in right now. Just pick her up. Well,

it's up to you.

What do you mean? It is. I'm not going
to do this if you don't feel right about

it.

Please don't make it up to me.

It's one night of bad for, you know, I
think, a lifetime of good.

And you really believe that in your
guts? With all my guts.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

How much time in the first interval?

Thirty seconds.

Hey, that wasn't so bad. See? Okay.

Clearly, it goes a lot faster if you
talk. Yeah.

Besides, you know, you and I, we haven't
talked in for ages.

That's true. Just the two of us. Yeah.
Yeah, so this will be good for

Yeah. We'll have a nice little talk.
Yeah. How much time? Time's up. Nice

talking to you.

How long do I have? One minute. Okay.
And you have to leave before she falls

asleep.

Okay, now you're just making it up,
aren't you? Oh, no.

I have... Otherwise, we have to start
all over. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

We love you. We love you very much.
Listen, the only reason we're outside is

that a sadistic man from Columbia
University said we have to.

Yes, he's nuts. He's nuts.

But we're right here. We are right here.

Just over there.

We're here over there.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. That's it. See?

Nothing to it. Okay.

Okay. I'm going to go. Okay. Don't fall
asleep until I get out of the room

because I'll be in big trouble with
Mommy.

It was great.

Yeah? Because I had nothing prepared. It
was... It was very, very sweet. Did it

work, though? I bet it did.

Although, you never know. Oh, man.

It's all right.

All right, set the clock.

Honey, I'm... Uh -uh.

Was it ten minutes now? Yep.

What do we do for ten minutes?

Watch TV or something?

Hey, there's our next Zelda game on.

Where's the remote, by the way? I have
not been able to find the remote since

cleaned. That remote just disappeared
off the face of the... What?

Going to watch a basketball game?

On mute, I'm saying.

Okay.

What? No, no, no.

It's fine.

If my child is going to go through this,
I'm going through it right along with

her.

Seriously? I'm not leaving this doorway.

To me, it's the least I can do. If my
daughter is going to go through the most

difficult night of her young, until now,
innocent life.

You go ahead.

Why don't I sit down? If you think you
should. Yeah.

How much time now? Eight minutes, 15
seconds. Great.

I won 500 pounds of rigatoni today.

I beg your pardon?

At D 'Agostino's. They were doing
this...

Sort of promotional thing. They gave
their 500th customer of the day, me, 500

pounds of rigatoni. It's coming next
week.

500 pounds of rigatoni is coming next
week? Yeah.

Here? Yeah.

Did you tell them you live in an
apartment?

Uh -huh.

How much rigatoni is that? I don't know.
It seemed ungracious to ask.

What are we going to do with 500 pounds
of rigatoni?

We'll have a dinner.

For who, the three tenors?

How much time now?

Six minutes.

I'm shrinking, you know.

I don't know what you're saying to me.

You remember last Wednesday I had the
physical? Yes. Okay. I'm half an inch

shorter than I was last year.

I was 5 '11", I'm now 5 '10". I'm
shrinking.

Really?

Why would you laugh at that? I'm sorry.

Half an inch in one year. I understand.

In 20 years, I'll be like this tall.

I'll be able to sleep in your pocket.

I'm sure there was just some mistake.

No, no mistake. He measured me four
times. He couldn't believe it himself.

He called everybody in. He said, hey,
everybody, look at the shrinking guy.

Is there something wrong with you? No,
that's what I thought. No, perfect

health. I'm in perfect health.

I have the cholesterol of a fasting
monk.

Blood pressure was something good over
something good.

I'm telling you, I'm perfect. I'm just,
I'm shrinking is all.

So, okay.

How much time now? Three and a half
minutes.

Hey, you know what? We got to go in
there. No, honey. This is really just so

bad. You're doing so well. Do you think
I would be putting us all through this

if I didn't think we're incredibly
important?

What kind of monster would I be?

Thank you.

That's... It's just, that's the worst
sound I've ever heard in my life. I

Please don't make me feel worse than I
already do. I'm sorry.

I wonder if my parents ever did this to
me. You'd say that we did this to you?

I'm sorry.

By the way, your parents, I don't think
they ever did this to you.

What does that mean?

Come on, your parents probably went in
your room if someone else's kid was

crying.

I see.

I see, so your parents, they were like
the really, the big disciplinarians,

parents. Yeah, they knew how to be
tough. Hey, so did mine.

They do send you to bed without your
malamars.

Now, you know what? That's uncalled for.

I just would rather we not spoil our
child.

Oh, I see. So I'm the one who's going to
spoil her. They say we repeat our

parents' mistakes, right? Yes. So you
were ready to run in there one minute

Yes, but I didn't, did I?

I stayed. Do you see me sitting here?

Would you call this spoiling? Am I
spoiling her now? No. Good. You know

I'm going in there. No, Paul.

We're going to undo all the good that
we've already done. Where is the good?

Show me the good. She's crying.

I'm going out of my mind and we're going
to kill each other. So where is the

good?

Piece of cake. Okay.

do is get to tomorrow.

Just tomorrow and tomorrow we're going
to hold you and kiss you enough to make

up for a thousand nights like this one.

Yeah.

There. Hi, sweetie.

Yeah, that's right.

So just drift off.

That's it. Drift off slowly.

Not quite falling asleep until Mommy's
out of the room.

Okay, sleep time.

That was beautiful.

That did the trick. I think it really
did. I think so. God, it would be so

gratifying.

You hungry?

Shh.

You see?

You see?

I see. I see. What time is it?

It's time to set the clock.

Dear God.

What is it, 15 minutes now? Uh -huh.

All right, come here.

It's like she's screaming bloody murder.

Katie, beautiful Katie, you're the only
girl that I adore.

When the moon shines over the mountain,
I'll be waiting at the kitchen door.

That's sweet. What is that?

My grandfather used to sing this.

I always thought he had a stutter.

And one day I was listening to the
radio, heard Rudy Valli singing the

same way.

Sorry I said you would spoil her.

Accepted.

Look at that.

What?

We have a cabinet here?

Uh -huh.

Did I know that?

Just always believed you did.

Never even heard of this.

Licorice from, like, the Civil War.

Hey, here's the remote.

Good for you.

Why would you hide it in there? For what
reason?

Architectural digest I never saw.

Sylvester Stallone has a house,
apparently.

Hey, ladies, honey. A picture of your
little boyfriend, Tom Brokaw? I'll take

them.

God.

Listen to her. I know.

She's just wailing.

I know. And panting.

And scratching.

Oh, God.

What do you mean?

Where's Murray?

Where's Murray? He's not in the living
room.

Oh, he wasn't in the kitchen before.
You've got to be kidding me. Oh, no,

kid. No, no, no, no. Can't be. It is.
Oh, Murray.

Murray. Murray.

How could you do this tonight of all
nights?

You know, he may not really understand
what we're doing tonight.

You have to get him out of there.

Murray.

No, no, no. He's making that sunny mix
right before he barks. You can't just

walk in there. She might hear you. You
have to crawl. I'm not going to go.

Mabel can't hear you or see you even for
a second. I actually

said to

myself, one child, how hard could that
be?

Nine minutes.

Okay.

You know what? You know what I'm going
to do?

You know what? Just very quickly, I'm
going to grab a basketball score real

quick.

Okay.

From here. Okay.

You've got to teach me how to do that.
That's

unbelievable.

Columns in his bathroom. For what?

Okay.

Okay.

Here we go. Here we go. Look at this.

Nyack, New York.

Charming three -bedroom, three -quarters
of an acre.

River views.

Wow.

Someday, huh? Yeah.

Let's go look at it this weekend.

What? Let's go to the unit. We'll drive
up Saturday and take a look at this

house. Why not?

Because... You know what happened to me
yesterday?

What?

I'm walking from our room to the baby's
room. Honey, our room is the baby's

room. Yes.

How much time?

Seven and a half minutes. You really
want to move?

I just really want it to be seven and a
half minutes from now. That's what I

want. Where would you go?

Just, you know, to the suburbs.

Like where?

Connecticut. Nuh -uh. Too close to my
parents.

What, the entire state of Connecticut?

All right, Westchester.

Honey, we can't afford Westchester.

No, we could small. I'd like a small,
charming house. Charming means broken.

Rustic. Rustic means broken. Charming is
small.

You'd really want to be a suburban
person?

All my life, I wanted to.

They're so dull and sedate.

No, no, that's not true. Plus, there's
no culture. You've got to drive miles

miles for any culture. You can drive
right into the city. I think you do, but

you never do.

we would be different. No, we wouldn't.
Our brains would addle to walnuts, our

pulses would deaden, our lungs would...
And our daughter would grow up sheltered

and knowing absolutely nothing about the
world.

Believe me, our daughter will know about
the world. Do you want her to only know

people with the same values, who are the
same color? No, of course not. Do you

want her to get her education at the
Paramus Mall?

They got a bookstore.

A million books can't teach her as much
as one day in the city.

Sweetie, can I tell you something?

I grew up in the city. Let me tell you.
Here's what you do from the time you're

eight. You run.

You just run.

The minute you hit eight, you run and
you run all the time. Because anywhere

look, there's somebody who wants to hurt
you.

There's like a manic depressive cab
driver. There's a dog with a grudge.

There's a guy who just wants to push
people into the subway track so he can

on the news. Well,

I think it's worth it. No, not to me.

Here's what you want. A nice little
house somewhere. Just for you and me.

her soon -to -be very well -adjusted
little daughter.

You know, it'd be nice to have a house,
cook her rigatoni every day for the rest

of her life.

You know, a nice house where she can
call over to me and say, Dad, would you

like to go out and play?

Man, this is really... This is
worrisome.

It's half an inch. It's not the worst
thing.

No, us.

What? It's like we're completely
incompatible as parents.

Sweet. Check the clock.

Six minutes.

Hey, we're very close. Don't go soft on
me now. We disagree on everything.

No, not everything? Yes, how to
discipline her, where to live, how to

all of our feelings about it. So what's
left?

I bet you we both hate that rug.

What? Okay, so you know what?

Maybe we are incompatible. We're totally
incompatible as parents.

Well, I'm glad we had this talk.

It feels so good.

Really? I feel like I might be sick.

Oh, boy.

Why did you let me eat this?

Can I...

Can I just say something? I think it may
not be the licorice.

Well, then what?

I don't think that you're actually such
a big fan of listening to your daughter

cry all night. Come on, come on.

Can I ask you a question? What is your
gut telling you to do right now? It's

telling me that it's up to me to teach
her some self -reliance. What is your

telling you? It's telling me that it's
up to me to help her be independent.

What about your gut? What is your gut
telling you to do right now?

It's telling me to go in there and pick
her up and hold her.

Right now, before we hurt her any more
than we already have. Thank you. Wait,

wait, wait.

What?

Listen to that.

Oh, my God.

She's sleeping. She fell asleep.

It's over.

We did it.

Huh? Yeah.

Okay. That was, uh... That was not bad.
That was great. That was really great.

You were right. It worked.

What?

We broke her heart.

Why?

Now she knows we won't always be there
for her.

Yeah, but that's good, right?

I want to go in. No, no, no.

You can wake her up.

But I want to go in.

I don't think we should do that.

Turn back the clock.

Amazing. It's unbelievable. She's her
daughter.

What?

Their mother and daughter, they've never
met in 35 years.

You know, do you realize this is all one
shot?

What? This whole scene is one shot. The
camera hasn't moved in like 20 minutes.

So? So that's fantastic.

What's the big deal?

One shot for 20 minutes? Do you know
what that involves?

Oh, God, look, she's crying.

Sweetie, a 20 -minute shot means that
there's no margin for error.

One little mistake, and they've got to
start all over. Why would they make a

mistake?

Well, not on purpose, but what if one of
them forgets a line or drops a fork?

See, the guy in the background, if he
knocks over a cup of coffee, they've got

to throw the whole scene out. What are
you talking about?

It's just very risky. For these actors,
that's a lot of work.

It's their job.

See what happens? You're ruining this
whole thing for me.