All language subtitles for Mad About You s05e02 The Grant

You ready? One more time.

See,

that's the best way to lose me, honey.

It's a lovely day today.

So whatever, honey.

Come on, you don't want to be late.

Okay, I'm up. I'm up. Let's get you to
work. You want to get Brock well

you've got to have a full, nutritious
breakfast.

Let's not forget, you are now eating for
two.

You know, and I may not get a chance to
have lunch, so you might be eating for

three.

Hey! No, I'm up. I'm up.

Oh,

look at you, you poor thing.

What, are you drunk?

Please, can I please have a cup of
coffee?

No.

Because coffee does a pregnant body very
bad.

Milk, on the other hand, does a pregnant
body good.

All right. Now, ask me.

I really don't want to ask you.

Please ask me.

Got milk?

Yes!

Yes, I do. Want some?

Want some nice milk? I do. I want a
little bit poured into a cup of coffee.

Honey, the baby. The baby. The baby's
tough. The baby can take it. Come on.

up. I'm doing this with you. I've been
off coffee now since 45 minutes.

I've never felt better in my life.

Look at me. I can't move.

You know what? Don't lecture me.

If you are this tired, which is
perfectly understandable, I say to you

again, quit.

Just quit your job. I don't do it.

Okay, see, I don't know what you just
said there.

Okay,

so you're either agreeing with me or
you're cursing me out. I'm not going to

quit. Quit, quit. Okay, because I
thought you called me a big piece of

like Lance Brockwell. I believe in him.
I think he's got a lot of great ideas.

He has good ideas. Unfortunately, you
can't understand a thing he says. Okay,

granted, he doesn't speak in sound
bites.

Sound bites?

That guy talks in sound gulps.

Sound seven -course meals. Sound all
-you -can -hear buffets. Proud of

right now? That's it.

Can I ask you where's your little friend
Doug Berkus and all this?

He's not pregnant. Let him work the big
hours.

He's on an assignment in Albany.

Yeah, what's he trying to do, kiss the
governor's wife? You know what?

Last joke about that.

I smell coffee.

Well, now you're just a big nut.

Hey! Oh.

Hey!

Thank you. All right, just keep it away
from her. Me, me, me. No, no, no.

Hey, what's the matter with you? The
woman wants coffee. We're not drinking

coffee anymore.

Why? Because, you know, it's a new
thing. We've made a couple of lifestyle

changes. Like what? Like we're not
drinking coffee anymore.

And what else?

Also, we've decided to become a bit more
irritable.

Well, that's working.

The smell is killing me. If you need me,
I'll be in the bedroom taking it out on

Murray. All right, sweetie. See, you'll
feel better.

You know, Pauly, it's actually quite
remarkable that you... Shut up. Wait,

Be careful.

Ah! Wow!

Wow! Now, you two got one weird
marriage. Okay, you saw nothing.

And if anybody asks, I'm still
irritable.

Just let me ask you, how come suddenly
you two are off coffee? Because, you

know, we're both getting older.

Plus, when Mrs. Olsen died, now that
threw us for a loop.

Guess who called this morning? Who?
Uncle Phil.

Uncle Phil called? Yeah, he wants you
and me to take a ride out to see him

today. He said it's very important.

What does he want?

I don't know.

He must want something. No, no, I asked,
but he wouldn't tell me.

What do you think it is?

Pauly, I don't know.

Uncle Phil called? Yeah, Uncle Phil
called.

I wonder what he wants.

Why don't we take a ride out to Brooklyn
to see?

You're going to ride all the way out to
Brooklyn? Yeah, a little ride. Oh, I

can't. Why not? Because I got work. I
got, you know, I have till the end of

week to figure out what movie I'm going
to make with this grant money. You got

any ideas?

I got ideas. I got like a million ideas.
So?

It's not the ideas. It's the sifting
through the ideas. The sifting? Yeah, I

ideas like that, but it's the sifting.
The sifting is what kills you.

So? Sift in Brooklyn.

You can't sift in Brooklyn. Sure you
can.

You ever try to sift there? I've sifted
there. No, you didn't.

Not the good sifting.

Why, would you just come with me to
Uncle Phil's? I can't. Do my clothes own

more or less in the right places?

You look beautiful. I just so don't. You
really do. Listen, you just go and take

care and have a good day.

I did.

I couldn't. I'm a weak guy. I'm very
weak. I'm a weak man.

All right.

I'll take it. Okay.

You know.

Hi, Ira.

Come here. Get out of here!

There's got to be some reason why Phil
called us.

I know.

Hey, maybe he wants to put us in his
will.

Or take us out of his will.

You think he has a will?

See, the problem is a lot of these, they
were good, but they're dated now.

Apollo 14, the one that went smoothly?

Condiments? Condiments?

Yeah.

Mustard ketchup?

Okay, forget it.

Excuse me. Ain't this Kinko's?

I'm sorry. No, it's Brockwell for Mayor
Headquarters.

You sure it ain't Kinko's?

I'm really sure it's Brockwell for Mayor
Headquarters.

What happened to Kinko's? I don't know.

Well... I need Kinkos. Where's the
Kinkos? I gotta get to a Kinkos. I gotta

you to stop saying Kinkos.

Let me call you back.

Rockwell for mayor.

Rockwell for mayor.

Rockwell for mayor.

Boy, this burns me up.

Boil that bird's seat up. That's what I
heard.

Coffee, Jamie?

Oh, boy.

Um...

Thanks anyway, Troy. I'm actually trying
to quit coffee.

It's good. It's very, very good. Fresh
brew.

Yes, I understand. No, thank you. It's
Sumatra.

I don't want it.

Well, pardon me for living.

It's on.

It's on. All right, Troy. There you go.

You think he'll stick to the text?

He's not going to stick to the text.

In an increasingly congested urban
environment... Urban environment? City!

It seems to me that the entire system is
predicated on a false assertion. In the

cities of Mesopotamia... New York Times
on phone.

On phone.

That's Bill Holman from the Metro desk.
He's calling to clarify Brockwell's

statement on drugs.

Clarify. Try to translate.

Bill. Hi.

Drugs. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

You have to forgive me. I have a
splitting headache. Let me just find the

passage. I don't know. I just quit
coffee. Ha!

There's a drug nobody talks about. The
whole world's addicted to coffee. People

complain about Colombian drug lords. How
about Juan Valdez?

Crack houses, no, but a coffee house on
every corner, there's a good idea.

You want to do something about drugs?
Start by banning coffee.

Print that.

No, no, no, you can't print that.

That's off the record.

I can too, say so after.

Couch. When the New York Times prints
this, all hell's going to break loose.

so stupid.

Oh, no, no, no. You're not stupid.

In fact, this is rather humorous.

The word stupid actually comes from the
Latin. Listen to me. Listen to me.

Listen to me.

Java Hut Coffee is one of our biggest
contributors. If they pull their money,

we're out of business. Java.

You know, this is interesting.

Ironically enough, Java Man himself did
not drink coffee.

I'm just going to call Java.

Okay, horses.

Horses. Would you see a documentary
about horses?

Depends. What would they be doing?

You know, whatever it is they do. You
know, just you follow the life.

Of a horse. Through the years, you know,
you start with a nice, the baby horse,

you know, just a little one. It's just,
it's got little legs and it's shaking.

And over the years, as it gets bigger
and it grows, and it becomes, it becomes

horse.

No.

Man, I got nothing.

Excuse me, Mr.

Buster. Mr. Buster?

Mr. Buster?

Ms. Buckman, is it true you will be
quoted in tomorrow's Times as saying

Valdez is a Colombian drug lord?

I think all of us at one time or another
have said something completely untrue

just to hear how it sounds.

So you're actually a coffee drinker?
Yes, I like coffee very much.

Great. Can we get a shot of you drinking
coffee?

Right now?

Yeah, right now.

Drink a little coffee.

Why not? No reason.

Go ahead. Take a nice big swig for
everyone.

Look at that. Yes, Jamie, please.

Let's get a picture.

You can do better than that.

Okay, thank you for coming, everybody.

Miss Buckman, have you ever tried to
give up coffee?

Mm -hmm. Was it difficult for you?

Mm -mm. Did you feel better off coffee?

Mm.

If there are any other inquiries, I'd be
very happy to answer any. Thank you.

Thank you.

Jamie. That went well. By the way, good
work.

See you back at the office.

You're hiding something.

Yes, you are.

I know you're hiding something.

Say your name.

Come on, say your name.

Come on, I dare you, say your name.
Jamie Buckman is Jamie Buckman, all

Phil!

Hey, Uncle Phil!

Hey, Pally, okay.

All right, name that smell.

I don't know. What is that? Come on. Old
spice and onion rolls.

That's exactly... Holy day today.

Ira.

Ira. Ira. Ira.

Let's go.

Ira. Ira, give me a frame embrace, Ira.

Oh, Ira.

Pauly, get out of here.

Pauly. Pauly. Yes, sir.

Give me a frame embrace. Ira.

Give each other a fireman brace.

Family, fireman brace.

Fireman brace.

Now, simultaneously, Uncle Phil, a
fireman brace.

Come on.

Too much, too much.

Now, as far as the fireman bracing is
concerned, we covered.

All right. Okay. Take a seat. Take a
seat. Take yourself at home.

I have a wonderful hard candy with a
very soft fruit center.

That's okay. No, thank you, Uncle Phil.
No, thanks. Okay, it's your funeral.

So? Yes.

So? Yes.

So, what was it you said was very
important? Yes.

Family. This is not a job for strangers.

We're not strangers.

This is a job for only the people in the
immediate family.

Come closer.

Come closer. I have to tell you
something very important.

A little closer, closer.

Go on, come on, come on. Oh, just too
close.

Now, what I want you boys to do is to do
for me a big favor. You name it.

I want you two to move the couch.

Move the couch? Move the couch from here
to here.

You want us to move the couch?

I can do it myself.

Only I can't.

Can I ask you why? Not to pry, but why
do you suddenly need the couch more? All

right. I can't see the TV anymore.

Happy? Happy now?

Happy you made a proud man confess that
Tom Brokaw...

Is that blurred?

Why don't we move the TV closer to the
couch? Don't touch the TV. You move that

TV an inch in either direction, I lose
blue.

I like blue.

All right, all right. We'll move the
couch. Paulie, come on. Let's move the

couch. Okay. Brooklyn and move the
couch. Hey, tomorrow we'll go to

We'll change a light bulb.

I heard that.

Patty Bitter Socket.

four and I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Five embrace.

Five embrace.

Are you ready?

I'll say three and you'll move the couch
toward me. All right. All right. And

ready and three. Okay.

Three. I gave you an hand.

Maybe if you start with one and then
work up.

Oh, I know what you mean. Here we go.
And one and three.

You all went up there straight through.
That was humor. That was humor, okay?

Now I'm giving you the real McCoy. Here
we go.

Ready? Are you boys ready?

All right. Okay, here we go. And one,
and two,

and three.

Now what happens? It's a heavy couch.
It's heavy. It's an eagle. It's an eagle

couch. An eagle.

All right.

Category. Category.

Too much cat. Too much corner. Okay,
back, back.

Dance, lovely eagle.

Down.

Okay. The eagle has landed.

There we go. Yeah, right? Good, Kitty.

The couch is moved.

Yes. Phil, it was very nice to see you.
Never mind. Never mind. Very nice to see

you. I know those are by boys.

You worked hard. We're quenching thirst.

Quenching thirst. I have a beautiful
strawberry, orange, mango, peach drink.

have to shake it.

You have to shake it if you don't shake
it.

The peach is very intrusive. It will
dominate the drink. We'll shake it.

have to shake it a lot. We'll shake it.
The peach, the flesh of the peach pulp

is amazing.

It's like Hitler.

We shake,

we drink, then we go. Look at all this.

What's this?

He's got all these pictures under the
couch. Wow.

Like photo albums from the 1400s here.

Hey. Hey, Paulie, you know who this is?

Who's that?

This is your father's Aunt Ruthie. This
is her in Ellis Island.

Really? Yeah.

Not so much pretty.

No, no. She was not from the Lookers.

Do you believe what he's got back here?
It's like a vault.

Orange, strawberries, mango, peach.

Shaken and shooken.

Thanks, Uncle Phil. Right, thanks.

Break it up.

How's the peach? It's very good.

Not too peachy? No, it's fantastic.

What? Not enough feet? Just nice.

No, it's great.

Good, good.

Mango?

I can't believe what you've had back
here. You've got all these pictures.

Did you have anything right behind your
couch? Look at this. Who you got there?

Is that Ruthie?

What a face.

What nerve, what nerve to come into a
new country with a face like that.

I mean, who does this person remind you
of? Look at that face.

She looks a little bit like Aunt Rose.

No, no.

Aunt Esther?

No, no, no.

Aunt Ida? No.

Who?

Jake LaMotta.

I mean, look at that nose.

Look at that chin.

Most people got a cleft. She got a
cliff.

Amazing. She looks a little like a
fighter there.

We had a fighter in the family. We did?
Yes, we had a fighter, Louie. Your great

Uncle Louie.

Louie Rosinski.

Never heard of him? He fought under the
name of Louis Rosinski.

Like a real fighter? Oh, what moves,
what moves.

Hooks, jabs, anything you want. Dancing,
tippy -toe, tippy -toe, three, four,

five, two, one, one. He was fantastic.

Until he got into the ring.

When he got in the ring, they hit him,
he went, and he fell down.

Here you go, Phil.

What's this?

That's you.

That's Paulie? That's Paulie on a pony.

That's not me.

Oh, you're right.

You're right. It's a picture of France.

You're right.

I went to France. I liked France. I took
a picture of it. But from here, it

could be Pollyanna Park.

Pollyanna Pony? France.

Pollyanna Pony? France.

Pollyanna Pony? France.

Romania.

You went too close.

I went too close. Hey, what's this say?
Does it say Nutty? That's your Uncle

Nutty. Who's Uncle Nutty?

This man is one of the great men in our
family. This man's a hero from the

family. Nuddy? Yes, Nuddy, Uncle Nuddy.
He was the hat maker to the Tsar. He

made caps and hats and even war helmets
for the Tsar.

So he worked right with the Tsar. He
worked for the Tsar. He was a wonderful

man. He was a hero. He took his entire
village from the money the Tsar gave him

and moved that little village from
Russia to New York. That's the man.

A hero. He created a dynasty.

There was a dynasty?

Not exactly a dynasty, but you see them
around, you know.

This is wild.

Hey, Barley, this would make a good
movie, huh?

What?

You want to make a thing of it? Well,
this is fascinating stuff. I don't want

lose it. I'm touched.

That's very nice. You're a veritable
fountain.

Oh, boy, wait till you see the height of
the fountain.

Do you have any paper? I want to get
some of this down. I've got a legal pad.

Close enough.

And I got two Eberhards still sharp.

Two Eberhard numbers.

I got everything.

Frank, we'll take a little refreshment
break, okay? All right.

You know what?

I like the cast the way it was before.

Move it back.

Ready?

It's four in the morning. Aren't you
tired? I'm exhausted.

I can't sleep.

You want to play checkers? No.

Chess? No.

Yahtzee? No. I'll kick your ass at
Yahtzee.

All right, a little Yahtzee and then
good night. Yippee!

Do we even have Yahtzee? Yes, we have
Yahtzee. It's right under here.

All right, a little Yahtzee. You would
not believe the stories he was telling

me. I mean, he had this welterweight in
our family. He was a guy who was a

fighter in the 30s.

Apparently, like, not great, but he... I
mean, like, all these people. I just

thought, what a great idea for a movie.
You know, it's like, my family. Just,

Buckman. That's the name of the film,
and just, you know, over the years, the

Buckmans came to this country and
converged and scattered and coursed

the veins of America.

To me, that's a great movie, don't you
think?

Oh, I got pencils, one is sharp, the
other one you have to...

Before, let's take a coffee break. Sure.
Since I ain't got coffee, let's take a

cottage cheese and melon ball break.
Good. Sounds good. Whatever you got.

Whatever you got. I got cantaloupe. I
got watermelon.

I got crenshaw. I got Persian.

I got honeydew.

You name the melons, I'll show you the
balls.