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Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the
Association for the Advancement of
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Commercials and Advertising, I would
like to welcome you to the 10th Annual
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Award Dinner. As you know, each year we
honor the best commercial with this
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00:00:20,510 --> 00:00:22,070
trophy, the dink.
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00:00:25,330 --> 00:00:30,450
Named in honor of our father of modern
advertising, Sidney B. Dink.
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Who in 1855 revolutionized our infant
industry with his slogan,
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you want to buy this?
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Hi, Felix.
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Murray, what are you doing here? I just
finished a report for a car accident
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down the street.
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Nobody hurt, I hope. No, I'm fine.
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The patrol car will be fixed by
tomorrow.
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Hey, did you get your award yet? No,
they've just done it.
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Where's Oscar?
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He's not here.
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Oh, late again, huh? Good old Oscar.
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No, he's not coming.
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Lost his ticket, huh?
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He tore up his ticket and threw it in my
face.
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Oh.
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He said I was a low, despicable, vile
man, completely devoid of morals,
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and scruples.
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00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:29,810
Don't feel bad, Felix. You know how
Oscar is. He gets mad and eats that
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thing.
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00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,920
The only difference is that this time
he's right.
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The odd couple was filmed in front of a
live audience.
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I did a terrible thing, Murray.
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00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:09,940
You want to talk about it? You could
tell me. I'm your friend.
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00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:11,960
I broke the law.
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Make the law longer!
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Oh, that's a good story, Felix.
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I'm like a coil spring.
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Go ahead.
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Tell your story, citizen.
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00:03:27,820 --> 00:03:32,040
Well, this whole mess began about six
months ago. I took a photographic
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00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,320
assignment at the Fataway Diet Pill
Company.
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00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:40,320
I know you and Felix have been awfully
good to me, but I really went out of the
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contract.
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00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,060
All right, Ben.
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Let's look over your hill and... Let's
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00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:51,800
look over your hill and see where you
stand.
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00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:54,440
You went out of the contract you just
signed, right?
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00:03:55,220 --> 00:03:56,220
Yes, I did.
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As they say in Paris, France, uh -uh.
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Does Felix know about this?
46
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:06,230
No. Then I don't want to know about it
either.
47
00:04:07,550 --> 00:04:09,890
Hello, Mr. Uber. Hi, Felix. Here's your
one o 'clock appointment.
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00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:12,990
Well, how's my favorite cousin?
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00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:16,430
Oh, not too good, Felix. Oh, what's the
matter?
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00:04:16,709 --> 00:04:18,490
You're all upset, aren't you?
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00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:21,130
Relax, relax. Everything's going to be
all right.
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00:04:21,350 --> 00:04:22,690
Here, have a taffy.
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00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,260
The before picture came out absolutely
great.
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00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,100
Is it all right if I cover this concept?
Sure. Look at this.
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00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:33,820
Look at that. Every chin in perfect
focus.
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00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:37,240
I can't wait till you take off the
weight and we take the after picture.
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00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,140
Felix, I give you four bells for that
shot.
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Four bells!
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00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:46,160
Wow! It's a crying shame we can't use
the picture. Why not?
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00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,640
Ask your chubby cousin here. He doesn't
want to lose the weight with my pill.
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00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,120
Ben, why?
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00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,920
Oh, he's got a chance to get into
professional wrestling. Gonna call
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Super Fat.
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00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,120
Super Fat? What is it, a joke?
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00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:06,080
No. I gave your little cousin Dimples
here $3 ,000 advance. He spent $2
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00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:09,260
,500 of it on sequined leotards.
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00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:13,360
Ben, oh, shame on you.
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00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,460
Well, I could be a contender, Felix.
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00:05:15,820 --> 00:05:18,620
Oh, you're going to prison for this,
Lardo.
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00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:22,900
I'll fit you into a towel.
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00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:30,220
Prison? No, let not be hateful. Ben, let
me talk to Mr. Hooper alone.
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00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:33,520
It's not too far from Adman to Madman,
you know.
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00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,160
You're the best cousin my cousin ever
had.
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00:05:39,140 --> 00:05:40,860
Here, have another tat.
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00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:46,300
There's been a problem in the family
ever since he was this big.
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00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,480
to tell me about fat. I'm a former
fatty.
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I worked hard to lose this waistline.
Then you should have some compassion.
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00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:02,460
Felix, the ad is due in the printers
tonight. I've got a board of directors
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00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:03,720
waiting to sit on my bell.
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00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:08,060
Either you find another tubbo fast or
your cousin becomes the fat man of
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00:06:08,060 --> 00:06:09,060
Alcatraz.
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00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:12,600
I've got one. I've got one. Got one
what? I've got a fat guy for you. Well,
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00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:13,820
where is he? Right here.
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00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,680
Fat guy in your wallet? Yeah, yeah. Two
bells for the fat guy in your wallet.
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00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,420
Look.
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00:06:20,770 --> 00:06:22,710
Now that's championship chub.
87
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:27,830
That's the way I used to look. Who is
it? That's my roommate, Oscar.
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00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:32,170
You mean you live in the same barn with
this thing? No, no, that was taken eight
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00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:33,550
years ago. He's lost a lot of weight.
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00:06:34,010 --> 00:06:37,550
Well, he's one of us now. Yeah, yeah.
Well, why do you still carry this
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00:06:37,550 --> 00:06:38,389
with you?
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00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:39,390
For laughs.
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00:06:39,550 --> 00:06:40,650
I show it at parties.
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00:06:42,850 --> 00:06:44,550
You're really a good friend. Oh, yeah.
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00:06:45,330 --> 00:06:46,770
He loved it when I teased him.
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00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:49,090
Well, if he's thin now, how can we use
him?
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00:06:49,470 --> 00:06:52,050
Simple. We use this picture as before.
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00:06:52,350 --> 00:06:55,350
Then we take a picture of him as he is
now for today.
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00:06:55,870 --> 00:06:57,690
That'll be the after, see? It's simple.
100
00:06:58,390 --> 00:07:00,550
That's totally dishonest, isn't it? We
can't do that.
101
00:07:00,810 --> 00:07:01,810
I like it.
102
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,450
But is it ethical?
103
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:09,130
Oh, sure it's ethical. A lot of people
do it. Then we'll do it. Sure. We'll get
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00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:10,730
your roommate on the phone and have him
sign a release.
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00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:13,210
Oh, I can't. He's out of town.
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00:07:13,590 --> 00:07:15,410
I feel like a rat in a maze.
107
00:07:16,510 --> 00:07:17,970
Butting my head against walls.
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00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:22,240
First you bring your fat cousin in here,
he quits on me, we decide on your
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00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:23,700
roommate, and he's out of town.
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00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:25,760
You're going to drive me to food.
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00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:30,600
As soon as he gets back, I'll talk him
into it. I can talk him into anything.
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00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,800
He can have the $500 your cousin left
over.
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For $500, he'd pose naked.
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00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:36,880
This is a family pill.
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00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:42,520
Let me see what took place here. Let me
run it through my computer.
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He's going to use the cousin. He's too
fat. He's not fat. He's going to go.
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00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:51,150
Want to use the roommate? He's okay.
He's out of town. We'll use him anyway.
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00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:54,490
Going to have the 500 extra? I did good.
Five bells for me.
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00:08:04,890 --> 00:08:05,890
Oh.
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00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:08,090
Oscar. Oscar.
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Oscar.
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00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:13,010
301 pounds of butter.
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00:08:14,390 --> 00:08:15,650
All of it potato chips.
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00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,900
Devil guy, welcome home.
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00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,620
How was San Francisco?
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00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,820
I think I got trolley latched.
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00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:33,940
Where's your luggage?
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00:08:34,179 --> 00:08:36,400
I didn't take any, except socks, that's
all.
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00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,260
You didn't take any luggage to San
Francisco?
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00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:43,760
Well, I was only there for two days.
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00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:47,320
Did you at least take a toothbrush?
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00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:49,240
Of course, of course I took a
toothbrush.
133
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:59,800
Will of the West. Look at this. A
warning from Blanche's lawyer.
134
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,940
$280 back alimony if I go to jail. I got
your favorite.
135
00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:05,620
Cookies and ketchup. Sit down. Relax.
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00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:07,420
Dip away. I'll get you a beer.
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00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,120
What?
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00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:22,880
What?
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00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:24,819
What is this?
140
00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:25,820
What's what?
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00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,440
That's a blow -up of an ad I'm working
on.
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00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:33,840
Felix, under those glasses and mustache,
there is me.
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00:09:35,260 --> 00:09:36,360
That's you all over.
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00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:40,260
Felix, what is this old photo of me
doing in this ad?
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00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,920
It's all over New York. Oh, no, no, no,
no.
146
00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:46,220
Next week.
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00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:50,380
Felix, no next week. I don't want the
whole world to know that once I look
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00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:51,380
Moby Dick.
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00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:56,700
Moby Dick, that's right. You're
something. I want an explanation, Felix.
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00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:00,100
Isn't that just like you? You're so
predictable.
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00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,680
You come in, you see that picture, and
you want an explanation.
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00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:09,540
I tell you, Oscar, the things that
happened to me, I should write a book.
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00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:14,200
Isn't it interesting how the most
complex things in life turn out to be
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00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:15,460
You know my cousin Ben?
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00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:19,080
Ben? Yeah, Ben. You know Ben the Ben?
Well, don't mince words.
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00:10:20,140 --> 00:10:21,140
The beach ball.
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00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:26,240
Anyway, if we don't use that ad, Ben
goes to jail.
158
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,480
Sounds reasonable.
159
00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:35,260
Why didn't you ask me before you did a
thing like this? Didn't I try?
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00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:37,900
Why don't you tell me where you're
staying out of town?
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00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:39,260
Yes.
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00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:41,800
I'll give you three words.
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00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:44,020
Trust me, please.
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00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:48,580
Felix, 19 words. I'm never going to do
it. If you dance the bolero on my nose,
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00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:49,700
no.
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00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,580
That was 11 words, but I'm not counting
that you're mad.
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00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,940
It means a lot to me. It's very
important. It means a lot to me that
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00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:57,940
this photo.
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00:10:58,030 --> 00:11:01,230
This happened when I got my divorce. I
was upset. I ate a lot. I mean, I got
170
00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:02,230
fat. It was embarrassing.
171
00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:04,650
I mean, I didn't wear glasses and a
mustache for nothing.
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00:11:04,850 --> 00:11:07,390
No. Either you kill that out or I kill
you. You understand?
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00:11:08,270 --> 00:11:09,270
Oh, my God.
174
00:11:09,630 --> 00:11:12,250
Just tell Mr. Hooper you don't want the
money. Again, money. You didn't mention
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00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:12,989
money before.
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00:11:12,990 --> 00:11:15,570
As far as the American Royal mentioned,
but you didn't mention money. What are
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00:11:15,570 --> 00:11:16,209
you doing?
178
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:19,250
Don't put my name off. That's like
meeting my mail. That's because Oscar
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00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:20,250
must be familiar.
180
00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:21,470
There's money in here.
181
00:11:21,950 --> 00:11:23,290
Is it $500?
182
00:11:23,590 --> 00:11:26,290
Yeah. Just for being the old colossal
here? Yeah.
183
00:11:27,230 --> 00:11:28,230
What's the catch?
184
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,270
No catch.
185
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:33,130
You mean that's all there is to it?
Yeah.
186
00:11:33,350 --> 00:11:37,730
Well, besides that, I have to take a
picture of you now, and that's after.
187
00:11:37,770 --> 00:11:38,770
before and after.
188
00:11:38,850 --> 00:11:39,850
Oh.
189
00:11:40,230 --> 00:11:41,930
Why doesn't it sound honest to me?
190
00:11:42,850 --> 00:11:46,410
Isn't that funny? It didn't sound honest
to me either at first, but it's
191
00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:49,730
absolutely ethical. Lots of people do
it. And it is a good product. That's
192
00:11:49,730 --> 00:11:52,190
important, it is. All right. Look, I'll
go along with that, but I don't want to
193
00:11:52,190 --> 00:11:53,750
do anything dishonest. I don't blame
you.
194
00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,760
Okay. Look, can you keep this off the
books so I won't have to declare it?
195
00:11:59,020 --> 00:12:03,100
Hey. Got your message? It came right
over. Oh, I've got good news. I've got
196
00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:05,320
news. Yeah? Yeah? First, the bad news.
What?
197
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:10,080
Advertising committee sending a man
named Doyle over to make sure our ad
198
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,760
fraudulent. But you said a lot of people
do it.
199
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,160
Well, of course. That's why they're
trying to stop it.
200
00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:17,980
Oh, boy.
201
00:12:18,020 --> 00:12:19,360
Oh, boy. I knew we'd get in trouble.
202
00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:22,840
I knew it. I knew it. Just try to help
somebody.
203
00:12:28,690 --> 00:12:30,510
I've been such a good boy all my life.
204
00:12:30,930 --> 00:12:36,750
Felix, the investigator isn't concerned
about the magazine ad. He isn't? No.
205
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,330
What am I carrying on for? He's
concerned about the TV commercial.
206
00:12:40,570 --> 00:12:42,230
What TV commercial?
207
00:12:42,450 --> 00:12:44,230
The one that you're going to direct.
208
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:46,250
Me?
209
00:12:46,570 --> 00:12:49,790
Oh, boy, I'm going to direct a TV
commercial. That's the good news. Give
210
00:12:49,790 --> 00:12:51,370
yourself a bell. Oh, wow.
211
00:12:51,890 --> 00:12:52,890
Yes.
212
00:12:52,990 --> 00:12:56,670
Our magazine ad was such a smash, we
bought time in every TV station in New
213
00:12:56,670 --> 00:12:58,270
York. A TV commercial? Yeah.
214
00:12:58,650 --> 00:13:02,010
We'll use a different model then, huh?
Oh, no, we'll still use your former
215
00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:04,890
roomie. We've already got billboards up
saying OM's coming to TV.
216
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,410
Well, how can we do that?
217
00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:09,390
He's not fat anymore. He's one of us. I
won't do it.
218
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:14,090
Felix, how's it going to look? The
investigator's on his way over. We
219
00:13:14,090 --> 00:13:16,250
commercial. Not too kosherini over.
220
00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:17,850
Boy,
221
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:19,630
this is my water game.
222
00:13:23,710 --> 00:13:27,510
We're in big trouble. Relax, Felix. I've
got it all figured out. I've got a
223
00:13:27,510 --> 00:13:28,590
great idea.
224
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,090
I love it. How many bells? No!
225
00:13:30,370 --> 00:13:31,370
Don't touch my bell.
226
00:13:32,130 --> 00:13:33,330
Not unless I give you permission.
227
00:13:34,910 --> 00:13:37,530
Give this to us.
228
00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:39,030
Oh, no.
229
00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:41,690
He'd never do this in a hundred years.
230
00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:44,090
There's another 500 in it for him. At
this price.
231
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,440
Wrong color?
232
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,620
Who needs a tie?
233
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:08,700
Play it again, Sam.
234
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,539
Hi, Felix.
235
00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:13,840
Hi. Like it?
236
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:17,640
Hard to believe, isn't it? You can get a
fit like this right off the rack?
237
00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:21,140
Only $29 .29.
238
00:14:21,740 --> 00:14:23,580
Too loud for you? You don't like it,
huh?
239
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:26,579
It's clean.
240
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:27,600
That's the important thing.
241
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,780
I'm glad you like it. I got a blind date
with a swinging stewardess tonight.
242
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,500
She'll be here in about an hour. Here?
Yeah.
243
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:37,180
Who fixed you up? The travel agent.
They'll do anything to get you to fly,
244
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:39,620
know. Oh, you dirty guy.
245
00:14:39,820 --> 00:14:43,660
Yeah. I want to tell you how I thank you
for that money. It came at the right
246
00:14:43,660 --> 00:14:45,980
time. I paid all my bills. I got this
beautiful jacket.
247
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:51,240
Well, I had enough left to... Well, get
you a little... Oh, come on now. You got
248
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:54,240
to accept it. Come on, will you? Oh,
that's very, very...
249
00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,000
Isn't that different?
250
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,980
Too nice to wear.
251
00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:07,420
Well, Santa isn't dead.
252
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,660
My name again on an envelope?
253
00:15:10,060 --> 00:15:11,060
Money.
254
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,220
I can't believe it. $500?
255
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,480
Mr. Hooper at Fataway said he thought
you deserved it.
256
00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:18,020
Again, I don't have to do anything?
257
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,880
One little thing.
258
00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:23,740
Give me back my tie.
259
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:28,490
be shy. This is ridiculous.
260
00:15:28,690 --> 00:15:31,170
It's not ridiculous. You're being
ridiculous. Now come on.
261
00:16:08,970 --> 00:16:12,290
It reminds me of when I was really fat.
Now, I'm going to go change. Look, you
262
00:16:12,290 --> 00:16:13,350
took the money, didn't you?
263
00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:14,990
I'll stop laughing.
264
00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:16,290
The man will be here, the investigator.
265
00:16:16,630 --> 00:16:20,510
It's only for 30 minutes. 30 minutes is
too long to look like Mount McKinley.
266
00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:22,510
There he is. Now, go on.
267
00:16:22,890 --> 00:16:23,890
Put it on.
268
00:16:24,890 --> 00:16:29,930
Big smile.
269
00:16:30,710 --> 00:16:31,710
Think fast.
270
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,010
What do you want to do, Kingston?
271
00:16:33,970 --> 00:16:34,970
Hello, Mr. Hoover.
272
00:16:35,050 --> 00:16:36,570
Hi, Felix. Let's get this over with.
273
00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:51,960
Step up and meet our model, Mr. O .M.?
Yeah, Mr. Doyle. Why don't you go take a
274
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:52,839
hike around him?
275
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:53,840
Okay.
276
00:16:55,460 --> 00:16:58,020
Is he in any condition to make a
judgment?
277
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,760
The best possible condition. I took him
to every bar in town.
278
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,619
Four bells for El Dranco.
279
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,540
Nothing phony about this guy, huh, Mr.
Doyle?
280
00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:10,200
He's got his own zip code.
281
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,339
I'd like to see Evel Knievel jump over
him.
282
00:17:17,709 --> 00:17:19,810
Would you mind taking off your coat?
283
00:17:20,670 --> 00:17:24,230
Ah, Mr. Doyle, how about a little trip
to the well, huh? Right down the hall.
284
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,849
Oh, no, not that kind of well.
285
00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:27,130
This, this well.
286
00:17:27,150 --> 00:17:30,350
Here you are, Mr. Doyle. How about in
the glass this time? It'll be unique.
287
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:32,310
Okay. This way, come on.
288
00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:34,850
Oh, that must be my date, huh?
289
00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:40,630
Hello? Hello, I'm Ann.
290
00:17:40,870 --> 00:17:41,870
Come in, Ann.
291
00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:43,130
Nice to meet you.
292
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:52,120
to take this blind date. I meet so many
kooks and weirdos, you know. You look
293
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:53,160
real straight, Mr. Madison.
294
00:17:53,380 --> 00:17:57,740
I'm straight as an arrow, and I'm not
Mr. Madison. You're not? No. This is Mr.
295
00:17:57,820 --> 00:17:58,820
Madison.
296
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,320
Oh.
297
00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:03,660
Hello.
298
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,040
Hi.
299
00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:10,420
My friend said you were quite a guy.
300
00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:13,260
And I'm cute, too.
301
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,320
See, I'm not really this far.
302
00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:16,580
Oh, well.
303
00:18:16,910 --> 00:18:19,370
That doesn't really matter as long as
you're not a cuckoo bird.
304
00:18:19,610 --> 00:18:23,770
No, no, no. I'm not a cuckoo bird. And
see, I'm thin. I'm wearing a fat suit.
305
00:18:24,050 --> 00:18:24,929
A fat suit?
306
00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:28,430
Yeah. Wait, I'll show you. I'll show you
my real chest. Put it back. No, I
307
00:18:28,430 --> 00:18:31,030
can't. I've got to show it. She thinks
I'm fat. No, I'm not fat. I want to show
308
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:34,610
it. Excuse me. I've got an
unscheduled... He's really a fat man.
309
00:18:34,610 --> 00:18:35,790
you want to see my real stomach?
310
00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:37,490
Goodbye, weirdo.
311
00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:43,590
Why do you always act crazy in front of
girls?
312
00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:50,840
Mr. Doyle, you've seen him walk, you've
heard him talk. We'll be on our way now.
313
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,740
Why, you don't even have to be here
tomorrow when we shoot the commercial.
314
00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:54,740
that's too bad.
315
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:57,460
You got the well? Yeah, I've got it
right here.
316
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,740
Good work. Four bells.
317
00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:11,040
That Hooper is a real weirdo.
318
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:15,480
He's a real weirdo? I'm walking around
here dressed up like Dumbo with a bow
319
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:16,480
and he's a weirdo?
320
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,840
I've never been so humiliated in my
life. I'll never see that girl again.
321
00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:22,520
Take it easy, big guy. Don't call me
that anymore.
322
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,540
Now, what is this thing about a
commercial that Doyle was talking about?
323
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,180
Nothing to get excited about. When you
talk like that, I really get excited.
324
00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:32,020
Now, what is it? Nothing, nothing. It's
a little 60 -second thing we're doing.
325
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,780
No, no, we're not doing it. No, I'm not
doing it.
326
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:37,020
$500? I don't care. I wouldn't do it,
no. For $500? No, I wouldn't do it for
327
00:19:37,020 --> 00:19:39,800
nothing. Are you listening to me,
Clayton? Am I a dignified man? What's
328
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,840
to do with anything? Perhaps even
bordering on the stuffy. Way over the
329
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,000
I'm the kind of man who takes pride in
his dignity, right? So?
330
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:47,980
I'm grumbling. Look at me. I'm on my
knees.
331
00:19:48,460 --> 00:19:54,440
Ben will go to jail. I'll go to jail.
You'll go to jail as an accomplice.
332
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:55,520
of tunneling out with Ben.
333
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:58,360
All right.
334
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:02,940
What are you learning about? If you
could see what I see, you look like the
335
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,260
Goodyear blimp with a hat on it.
336
00:20:07,260 --> 00:20:12,480
You ready?
337
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:14,720
Oscar, are you standing by?
338
00:20:16,330 --> 00:20:17,330
Crew, give me your attention.
339
00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:20,770
We're working with a very inexperienced
actor. I don't know if he's got more
340
00:20:20,770 --> 00:20:23,610
than one real take in him. So we're
going to rehearse this on film.
341
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:24,769
All right.
342
00:20:24,770 --> 00:20:25,770
Position.
343
00:20:26,830 --> 00:20:27,830
Two cards a little higher.
344
00:20:29,110 --> 00:20:30,110
Roll them.
345
00:20:32,290 --> 00:20:33,290
Action.
346
00:20:37,950 --> 00:20:38,950
Hello.
347
00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:40,770
I'm a dramatization of a doctor.
348
00:20:42,690 --> 00:20:45,390
I've been called to the home of Mr. O
.M. of the Bronx.
349
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,880
A meticulously well -kept place, as you
can see.
350
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:57,940
I'm here on behalf of the Fataway Diet
Bill Company, the company that offers
351
00:20:57,940 --> 00:21:01,080
relief to this man and others like him.
352
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:12,620
In three months, through the miracle of
Fataway, this person will become an
353
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:14,020
individual instead of a group.
354
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,660
I wonder, do any of you... Have these
problems.
355
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,700
Do you have trouble touching your toes?
356
00:21:24,460 --> 00:21:26,580
Are you unable to raise your hands?
357
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,140
This could cost you your life in a hold
-up.
358
00:21:31,580 --> 00:21:33,220
Is sitting down a problem?
359
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,760
Is getting up also a problem?
360
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,880
Are you embarrassed to tap dance?
361
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,700
When was the last time you tried a
cartwheel?
362
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,900
If you have these difficulties, try Fat
Away.
363
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:16,020
Watch for Mr. O .M. in three months when
he will touch his toes, sit, dance, and
364
00:22:16,020 --> 00:22:18,080
cartwheel his way into your heart.
365
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,020
And cut.
366
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,160
Goodness, that's over. One more time,
fellas. He blew it. What?
367
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,520
He didn't do the cartwheel.
368
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:27,800
I'm going to kill you.
369
00:22:28,220 --> 00:22:29,220
Take five, crew.
370
00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:32,700
That's a great story.
371
00:22:32,940 --> 00:22:37,120
I'm really quite touched. Ladies and
gentlemen, and now in the category of
372
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:42,800
best new product commercial of the year,
the nominees are... Hagmeyer's Easy
373
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:43,800
Flow Ketchup.
374
00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:17,700
And now the winner of the best new
product commercial of the year.
375
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:24,480
The winner is a Fataway diet pill.
376
00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:26,180
I'm proud of you.
377
00:23:27,220 --> 00:23:32,200
Accepting the award, Mr. Lyle Hooper,
president of Fataway, and the director
378
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,480
the commercial, Mr. Felix Unger.
379
00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:36,340
Mr. Unger, this is yours, I believe.
380
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:38,080
Thank you.
381
00:23:39,220 --> 00:23:41,720
We at Fataway feel honored.
382
00:23:42,860 --> 00:23:46,240
This is just round one in our fight
against fat. Thank you.
383
00:23:48,900 --> 00:23:49,900
Ditto.
384
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,440
No, no ditto.
385
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,280
I don't deserve this. I'm a fake. I'm a
fraud.
386
00:23:56,700 --> 00:23:58,560
O .M. is not really a fat man.
387
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:03,480
He's got a bit of a pot, but not 300
pounds worth. I used trickery and guile
388
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,320
deception to get him to do that
commercial. It's a very good product.
389
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,340
helped thousands of people, but that
doesn't justify what I did. I don't
390
00:24:09,340 --> 00:24:11,820
your applause, and I don't deserve your
dink.
391
00:24:29,550 --> 00:24:30,710
Oscar, you came.
392
00:24:31,270 --> 00:24:34,390
I've been there all the time. I didn't
want you to see me. I knew you couldn't
393
00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:35,390
accept that award.
394
00:24:35,410 --> 00:24:41,270
Oh, Oscar, you're a real friend. I don't
know how you put up with me, all the
395
00:24:41,270 --> 00:24:45,730
things I make you go through. I'm so
sorry. I promise you, I'll never
396
00:24:45,730 --> 00:24:47,270
you again. Will you forget it?
397
00:24:48,050 --> 00:24:49,050
You're a buddy.
398
00:24:49,450 --> 00:24:50,670
Listen, one thing. What?
399
00:24:51,230 --> 00:24:54,230
Sunday is my little boy Leonard's
birthday. He's having some kids over.
400
00:24:54,810 --> 00:24:58,330
Would you get into the fat suit and come
to the party? The kids would love it.
401
00:24:58,350 --> 00:25:02,190
Really, they would. Would you please get
such a laugh out of it?
32193
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