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No, operator, I was just cleaning.
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What did the doctor say?
3
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I don't understand talk like
4
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that.
5
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Why won't you answer me?
6
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Dr. Melnitz put me up to medicine and
then he put me on voice rest.
7
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And that's all Dr. Melnitz did?
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Yeah, and I was fine.
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Uh -huh.
10
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Where's your phone? I want to call Dr.
Melnitz. All right, all right.
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He said my throat was a little
irritating.
12
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If I gargle with hot water and salt,
I'll be fine. Salt water, that's...
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I already called Dr. Melvin.
14
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Well, I'm not going to have the
operation.
15
00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:56,480
Yes, you are. No, I'm not.
16
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He's a quack. What is... Who are you to
call? What are you, my mother?
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No, but I wish I could punish you for
lying.
18
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Just leave me alone, will you?
19
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I've got to get dressed.
20
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So ridiculous.
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He even recommended a wonderful surgeon.
22
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Who, the Dr. Creaky Cookie?
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Dr. Krakauer happens to be the best
throat man in New York. Well, you can
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about it. I'm not going to have the
operation. My voice is fine.
25
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What? Your voice is fine? Yesterday is
always fine until you yell.
26
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Well, don't make me yell, huh?
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I'm smart.
28
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It's all set, Oscar. You're going in the
hospital tonight. Oh, did you arrange
29
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everything? Isn't that nice? Well, I can
go. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't go.
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I have something very important to do
tonight.
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Crazy Rhoda Zimmerman is not all that
important. It's not Crazy Rhoda, smart
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guy. I'm going to be on the Dick Cabot
Show, and I'm late now.
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The Dick Cabot Show?
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Yeah.
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Wow!
36
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Why didn't you tell me?
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Well, I just came up this afternoon.
It's because of that racetrack scandal I
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uncovered. Will you help me find my
black shoes, please? Here.
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Right there.
40
00:02:01,090 --> 00:02:02,490
There's a pickle in this shoe.
41
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You're always after me to use a shoe
tree, aren't you?
42
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It's very hard to find a size 11D
pickle.
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I just realized something very, very
important about you. What?
44
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In the words of the great Sigmund Freud,
you're a fraidy cat.
45
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I am not a fraidy cat. What about the
dentist? You insisted on gas, have your
46
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teeth cleaned?
47
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Oh, neither did I.
48
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You're afraid of doctors.
49
00:02:28,890 --> 00:02:31,630
I am not afraid of doctors. Yes, you
are. No, I'm not. I just don't like
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doctors. The last doctor I liked wore a
bone in his nose.
51
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Typical fraidy cat reaction.
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Well, no matter what you say, I'm not
going to have the operation and not see
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anyone, okay? All right.
54
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Doesn't matter to me. I did all I could.
Good.
55
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I'll get him in the hospital.
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00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,220
The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a
live audience.
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As most of you have probably read, a
major racetrack scandal was uncovered in
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the past week, and one of the best
-known sportswriters in America, Oscar
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Madison, got that story. Mr. Madison is
here tonight to talk about the whole...
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30 seconds, Mr. Madison. Yeah, sure.
Hey!
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Hey!
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What are you doing?
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You ready to go?
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You know
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00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:49,460
what's
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going to happen now? You're going to go
out there and make a fool of yourself.
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Mr.
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Oscar Madison, right here.
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You're on. You're on.
70
00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:07,670
You're on. Come on, Mr. Madison. You're
on.
71
00:05:08,450 --> 00:05:14,610
I guess it wasn't exactly in place. They
have a hammer lock on him. We sometimes
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have to do that. We had to get one on
Helen Hayes.
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00:05:16,830 --> 00:05:23,130
There you are, Mr. Madison. Very nice to
see you. Can we hear it for Mr.
74
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Madison as he sits down?
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I was a little worried there for a
moment.
76
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:33,420
Say, you've created quite a stir with
this whole racetrack scandal, and there
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are a couple of points I'd like to clear
up right away. One of them is that the
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underworld has, in a sense, gotten to
you and sort of asked you to clam up
79
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:43,480
this whole thing. Is there any truth to
that?
80
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:48,440
Perhaps you could sort of recap the
story for us from the beginning.
81
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,880
I'm sorry, I can't. Are you having a
little...
82
00:05:56,380 --> 00:05:58,740
You're going to have to speak up. You'll
have to talk much louder.
83
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:02,240
Do you feel that you're using your full
voice? Because I'm not hearing you.
84
00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:07,940
I'm having an auditory deficiency of
my... What, uh... What is the matter?
85
00:06:07,940 --> 00:06:10,260
matter is the man needs a throat
operation. That's what the matter is.
86
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:12,300
What's that?
87
00:06:12,340 --> 00:06:14,600
Are you aware of the man in the wings?
88
00:06:14,980 --> 00:06:17,940
This is the strangest night I think I've
had yet. What is that? What was that?
89
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:21,800
That man needs a throat operation.
That's what the trouble is. He won't
90
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:22,920
Is he with you?
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00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:26,300
Would you want to come out here and
explain this? I don't know what's going
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00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:26,919
out here.
93
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On TV?
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Yeah, come right out.
95
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These are the cameras.
96
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I could use a little help. I haven't
been in makeup yet. Oh, that's all
97
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You look fine. Just have a chair.
98
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Stage manager.
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Thank you.
100
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:40,299
Loved your book.
101
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,620
Loved your book. Thank you.
102
00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:43,960
You know each other, don't you?
103
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What were you talking about backstage? I
really didn't understand this at all.
104
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This foolish man has a serious throat
condition which he has chosen to simply
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ignore.
106
00:06:53,870 --> 00:06:58,230
Can you tell a story, then, about the
racetrack scandal for him, so we... I
107
00:06:58,230 --> 00:07:00,990
don't bother my mind with those silly
things. You know who was a wonderful
108
00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:01,990
with you, and I just loved him?
109
00:07:02,410 --> 00:07:07,210
Lord Lawrence Olivier. Now, that, that
was really good. If that man had a
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00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:09,650
condition, you'd never know it, because
the man is a trooper.
111
00:07:09,970 --> 00:07:13,170
Have you seen him fill those cameras?
What are you trying to do?
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00:07:13,390 --> 00:07:16,430
The man's only on twice a month, and
you're ruining it for him. You're going
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get him fired forever.
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All of you people who think this man
should have an operation, signify.
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How many feel that this man should also
have an operation?
116
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:39,240
Will you please give me my thermometer
back?
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Relax. It's only a minor operation.
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That's close enough.
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Close enough to what?
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Close enough to operate.
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Thanks a lot.
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The surgeon will be in a few minutes.
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00:07:56,270 --> 00:07:57,270
You'll like him.
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00:07:57,450 --> 00:07:58,450
He's a real cut -up.
125
00:08:01,830 --> 00:08:02,870
You hear what she said?
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00:08:03,630 --> 00:08:05,390
Dr. Krakow is a real cut -up.
127
00:08:07,590 --> 00:08:09,310
You know what I'm talking to, the mummy.
128
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:46,360
You scared?
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Let's have some fun.
130
00:09:04,580 --> 00:09:05,580
See?
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00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,940
Even a hospital can be fun. Not this
hospital.
132
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,300
See that guy?
133
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:11,400
You know what he came in there for?
134
00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:14,080
A tonsillectomy. Must have been
complications.
135
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:17,500
rated on him, Dr. Krakauer.
136
00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:22,960
They tell me Krakauer is a genius. Yeah.
How they treating you, huh? All right.
137
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They even shaved me.
138
00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:27,060
Well, you want to look nice for your
operation.
139
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,640
I'm not talking about my face.
140
00:09:33,420 --> 00:09:35,080
You don't want to take any chances?
141
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,820
Well, it's a pretty big margin for
error.
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00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:45,499
I was sound asleep.
143
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:46,820
It was 3 o 'clock in the morning.
144
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,920
I thought it was a nice dream.
145
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:55,140
Such a kid. I want to get out of here.
My voice is better.
146
00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:59,440
Can anybody work here with all this
stuff in the hall?
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00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,680
Hello, I'm Dr.
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00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:03,940
Krakauer.
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00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,120
Sorry I'm late.
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00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:06,500
How do you do?
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00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:07,559
You're Dr.
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00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:08,580
Krakauer? Yeah.
153
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,860
What's the matter? You never saw a
surgeon before?
154
00:10:13,310 --> 00:10:14,310
You Madison?
155
00:10:15,890 --> 00:10:17,230
What's the matter with him? He can't
talk.
156
00:10:18,590 --> 00:10:20,910
He's got a bad throat. That's why he's
here in the hospital.
157
00:10:21,210 --> 00:10:23,150
Well, take it easy. You can't be too
careful.
158
00:10:23,530 --> 00:10:25,470
Sometimes they slip a hernia case in.
159
00:10:26,170 --> 00:10:27,170
It's embarrassing.
160
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:29,970
You weren't too careful with his
tonsillectomy case, were you?
161
00:10:30,650 --> 00:10:34,610
Don't be a dope. I never operated on
him. He jumped out the window when we
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00:10:34,610 --> 00:10:35,610
to shave him.
163
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,560
Do you think this is the most sanitary
thing in the world, a cigar?
164
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,020
You know, most doctors have quit.
165
00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:50,820
Are you a patient here?
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00:10:51,140 --> 00:10:52,140
No.
167
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,320
Would you like to be?
168
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:57,500
I'm his roommate.
169
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:58,900
Don't let him make you nervous.
170
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,060
Here, open your mouth. Let me show you.
Doctor, doctor.
171
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,320
What now? Another walk down the aisle?
172
00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:09,260
I want you to know that I will be here
to help him at all times.
173
00:11:09,780 --> 00:11:11,780
You really want to help him? Yes.
174
00:11:12,060 --> 00:11:13,060
Move to Turkey.
175
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:18,420
We'll have the operation.
176
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:19,940
Keep your fingers crossed.
177
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,420
What an eccentric, huh? But I smell
genius.
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00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:28,700
I smell pain.
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00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:29,880
I'm getting out of here.
180
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,580
They will have some more. No, no more
with the bed. Leave the bed alone, will
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00:11:33,580 --> 00:11:36,480
you? You know what I always say to a man
who's about to have a throat operation?
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00:11:36,740 --> 00:11:38,360
What? Keep your chin up.
183
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:41,920
Get out, Felix.
184
00:11:42,860 --> 00:11:43,940
But you need a friend.
185
00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:45,540
Get out, Felix.
186
00:12:05,870 --> 00:12:06,870
Expecting you till tonight.
187
00:12:07,170 --> 00:12:10,430
Yeah, they made him check out of the
hospital a little early. They didn't
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00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,430
you to come back.
189
00:12:13,810 --> 00:12:17,990
You see, there was nothing to worry
about. The operation was a complete
190
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:19,770
Krakauer's a genius.
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00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:21,330
He can't talk for two days.
192
00:12:21,570 --> 00:12:24,830
I know. That's why we have this
blackboard. We'll communicate just fine.
193
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:27,330
Felix? Yeah?
194
00:12:27,470 --> 00:12:29,230
Okay if I go to your little boy's room?
195
00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:30,450
Sure, go ahead.
196
00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:33,310
Oscar. Oscar.
197
00:12:34,850 --> 00:12:35,850
Listen.
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00:12:36,140 --> 00:12:40,580
While you were away, glad to see you, I
came to an amazing conclusion.
199
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,060
Do you know why you lost your voice?
200
00:12:46,380 --> 00:12:47,380
You knew.
201
00:12:47,420 --> 00:12:51,100
I thought I was the only one who figured
it out. I bug you. I drive you crazy.
202
00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:54,120
Well, I'm not going to do that anymore.
Don't drink the cold. It's bad for your
203
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,300
throat. Don't gulp like that. Here.
204
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,100
Here you are.
205
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:05,020
Wipe your lips. You see, I used to drive
my wife crazy, too, but I'm not going
206
00:13:05,020 --> 00:13:06,020
to drive you crazy.
207
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:09,830
I'm going to live and let live. You have
to be just a little bit more flexible.
208
00:13:13,950 --> 00:13:19,710
The main thing is that if you don't...
You're testing me, aren't you? I know
209
00:13:19,710 --> 00:13:21,430
you're not going to smoke us the
garbage.
210
00:13:21,850 --> 00:13:25,430
You think I'm crazy? What a kidder you
are.
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00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:56,920
her look nice?
212
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:58,680
Oscar?
213
00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:04,060
Oscar, I didn't clean up your room. I
just, I just neatened it a little.
214
00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:08,840
Because of the duster, such duster,
that's bad for your throat, Oscar. I did
215
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:09,960
for your own good. Come on.
216
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:11,280
Please.
217
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,240
Now you're making my throat hurt. Come
on.
218
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:17,560
Please, Oscar, be friends.
219
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:21,720
I get sympathy phase like when Glory was
pregnant, I retained water.
220
00:14:26,220 --> 00:14:28,780
Mess it up a little bit. See? Look. See
what I did? There.
221
00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:34,440
Oh, come on. Don't make me feel so
guilty. Ron, please, Oscar.
222
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,620
There's no way to treat a guy who's
drunk.
223
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:37,880
Please, Oscar.
224
00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:42,540
Hey,
225
00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:49,580
guys.
226
00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:52,040
When I stood up, I bumped my head on
your sink.
227
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,380
Does it look all right?
228
00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:38,350
Stop the talk, but very softly.
229
00:15:38,910 --> 00:15:42,790
Remember, if you raise your voice,
you'll be back in the hospital in ten
230
00:15:42,790 --> 00:15:44,650
minutes. How about this, like this?
231
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,550
Perfect! Good.
232
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:51,870
What's the matter with the nudge?
233
00:15:52,130 --> 00:15:58,010
Stop playing doctor with yourself.
234
00:15:59,570 --> 00:16:01,230
Here, let me take a look.
235
00:16:22,730 --> 00:16:25,090
You got a severe case of Nudge's
disease.
236
00:16:26,530 --> 00:16:29,430
In your terms, hysterical laryngitis.
237
00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:31,710
Guilt has taken over.
238
00:16:32,230 --> 00:16:34,590
Guilt from driving this man crazy.
239
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:37,710
In two weeks, Oscar will be well.
240
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:40,490
You'll be sick the rest of your life.
241
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:45,130
Or until you feel that you've punished
yourself enough.
242
00:16:45,530 --> 00:16:47,390
All right, that's right. Don't listen.
243
00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:50,510
Don't listen. You may hear something
that could change your whole life.
244
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,940
Turn you into a normal person like him.
245
00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:59,840
What this country needs is more men like
you. Thank you, doctor.
246
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:03,980
Now, remember, don't raise your voice.
247
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:05,300
With him around?
248
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:06,700
Try your best.
249
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,640
Nice meeting you, fellas.
250
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:12,440
Hey, now, remember, don't shout, even
when you get my bill.
251
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,200
Okay, now, you heard what the doctor
said.
252
00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:20,119
So now stay out of my room and stay out
of my way, please, and don't give me any
253
00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:21,119
trouble, okay?
254
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:25,900
And you're going to treat me right.
You're not going to bother me.
255
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,840
And you're going to be very nice about
everything.
256
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,280
Thank you very much.
257
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:12,690
with my back.
258
00:18:15,950 --> 00:18:19,710
Okay. I'll take it. Let's get the
silverware first.
259
00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:24,330
Hunk?
260
00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:26,970
Maybe they teach geese.
261
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,900
Do you know what the doctor said? Get
out of my room, will you? Please get out
262
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:12,900
of my room.
263
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:20,720
Operator?
264
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,360
This is your operator speaking.
265
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,960
Is this an obscene phone call?
266
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:32,020
What are you doing? Get out of my room.
Please get out of my room.
267
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:33,720
What?
268
00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:36,220
What?
269
00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:45,720
Two brothers in the living room?
270
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,040
Why didn't you tell me? What are you
bringing?
271
00:19:49,740 --> 00:19:51,900
Okay, don't move and you won't get
hiked.
272
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:54,700
What this or...
273
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:20,500
can't even yell.
274
00:20:20,860 --> 00:20:22,340
Thanks to you, I hope you're happy.
275
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,980
Well, this is your fault, you and your
hysterical laryngitis.
276
00:20:26,620 --> 00:20:28,660
Five years, I can't shut you up.
277
00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:31,640
One day I need you to say something, you
dummy up on me.
278
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:33,600
It's all your fault.
279
00:20:34,020 --> 00:20:35,020
Oh, shut up.
280
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:44,100
Hey, Felix, when you first saw the
burglars, weren't you able to get out
281
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:45,100
them seeing you?
282
00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:46,660
Why didn't you?
283
00:20:48,710 --> 00:20:49,910
You did it to warn me.
284
00:20:52,570 --> 00:20:54,170
And I've been mad at you. I'm sorry.
285
00:20:56,970 --> 00:20:59,370
I'm not going to be mad at you anymore,
buddy. I really am not.
286
00:21:01,130 --> 00:21:02,130
Forgive me.
287
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:05,930
Wow.
288
00:21:06,370 --> 00:21:07,370
Boy.
289
00:21:07,470 --> 00:21:09,150
I don't know how long we're going to
stay like this.
290
00:21:09,690 --> 00:21:11,570
It's going to get kind of boring by
Saturday.
291
00:21:13,810 --> 00:21:14,810
What are we going to do?
292
00:21:22,570 --> 00:21:24,950
I can't sing. I can't erase my voice
anyway if I could sing.
293
00:21:25,570 --> 00:21:26,610
You sing quietly?
294
00:21:27,570 --> 00:21:29,090
You mean like Nat King Cole?
295
00:21:30,410 --> 00:21:32,730
Are you out of your mind? I can't do
that.
296
00:21:34,510 --> 00:21:35,670
Mona Lisa.
297
00:21:37,710 --> 00:21:38,710
No,
298
00:21:40,810 --> 00:21:41,810
I don't want to sing.
299
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,550
We could do something else.
300
00:21:45,890 --> 00:21:46,890
What?
301
00:21:51,470 --> 00:21:52,469
Make funny faces?
302
00:21:52,470 --> 00:21:53,470
That's a good idea.
303
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,260
Come in, come in. I never wanted to see
you before, but now I want to see you.
304
00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:30,139
Come in, Mary.
305
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:31,140
Please, come in.
306
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,700
I got a surprise for you. What?
307
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,120
It's a nice big pizza.
308
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,760
Pizza, I'm starving. Come in, break the
door down. Come on, this is your last
309
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,240
chance. Break the door down. I'm going
to go away.
310
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,780
Break the door down. Come on, please,
Mary. Please,
311
00:22:43,660 --> 00:22:45,400
come on. Break the door down. Come on.
312
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:46,839
Come on.
313
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:48,840
I'm going to shout. Even if it hurts,
he's going away.
314
00:23:24,460 --> 00:23:25,740
The miracle of friendship.
315
00:23:26,340 --> 00:23:30,320
When I realized you were going to scream
and hurt your voice, I overcame my
316
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,340
guilt and I got my voice back. Isn't
that wonderful?
317
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,480
We should be very grateful for our
friendship.
318
00:24:01,130 --> 00:24:02,830
started running, but I yelled, stop
thief!
319
00:24:03,130 --> 00:24:06,510
And then I fired a warning shot in the
air. And they stopped, placed under
320
00:24:06,510 --> 00:24:09,490
arrest. Oh, that's great, Murray. Wow.
Yeah, but I feel bad.
321
00:24:09,750 --> 00:24:11,490
Why? I scared a pigeon.
322
00:24:11,790 --> 00:24:13,590
You know, see, the little thing went
into the car.
323
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:15,330
Murray, where's that stuff?
324
00:24:15,590 --> 00:24:16,569
Down at the station.
325
00:24:16,570 --> 00:24:19,050
We need for evidence now. You'll get it
back in a couple of days.
326
00:24:19,650 --> 00:24:22,310
Another job well done by your man in
blue.
327
00:24:23,110 --> 00:24:24,170
Murray. Yeah?
328
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:26,130
Untie him.
329
00:24:26,870 --> 00:24:29,590
Oh, yeah. There's so many details to
this job.
25688
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