Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,320
Thank you.
2
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,700
Why, are we trying to get rid of another
neighbor?
3
00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:50,660
My opera club's having its recital next
week. I'm the accompanist. We're doing a
4
00:00:50,660 --> 00:00:52,640
program of Mozart and muffins.
5
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,760
Mozart's music, my muffins.
6
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:57,279
That's right.
7
00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,100
Like this oil you want, it won't bother
us.
8
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:02,540
It won't bother us?
9
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:05,420
Yeah, I invited a house guest for the
week. Who?
10
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:09,160
My old army buddy, Wild Willie Byrne.
No, sir. No, sir.
11
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:10,440
Take it easy, will you?
12
00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:14,010
He's appearing with a rodeo down at
Madison Square Garden for a week. I will
13
00:01:14,010 --> 00:01:16,270
have him in this house again this year.
Why am I supposed to stay to my friend?
14
00:01:16,330 --> 00:01:17,309
Go stay in a hotel?
15
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:18,490
Besides, he's a fun guy.
16
00:01:19,210 --> 00:01:22,150
Squirting flowers and joy butlers are
not fun.
17
00:01:23,510 --> 00:01:25,810
A pony in my bathtub was not fun.
18
00:01:26,130 --> 00:01:29,350
Oh, so he pulled a few harmless pranks.
You didn't have to clean up the
19
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:30,350
bathroom.
20
00:01:30,970 --> 00:01:33,430
Listen, if it wasn't for his sense of
humor, I don't think I'd have gotten
21
00:01:33,430 --> 00:01:34,430
through basic training.
22
00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:36,670
What did he do? Short sheet the
colonel's bed.
23
00:01:36,970 --> 00:01:37,970
How did you know?
24
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:46,020
He's going to behave himself in this
house, or out he goes. This is not a
25
00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:47,180
here. He's going to be a gentleman, you
understand?
26
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,520
Okay. He'll get out, dribble glass and
all. All right, all right.
27
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:51,840
Hey, Oscar!
28
00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:58,840
Hello, Mr.
29
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,580
Boggs. I didn't want to impose on you
empty -handed, so I stopped by and got
30
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:06,580
some chicken in a bucket.
31
00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:10,620
That's very kind of you. Thank you very
much.
32
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:48,580
Yesterday, when I was young, so many
happy songs
33
00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:51,100
were waiting to be sung.
34
00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:58,180
So many wild pleasures lay in store for
me, and so much
35
00:03:58,180 --> 00:04:04,300
pain my dazzled eyes refused to see. I
ran so fast the time,
36
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:07,000
and youth at last ran out.
37
00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:12,040
I never stopped to think what life was
all about.
38
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:19,339
And every conversation I can now recall
concerned itself with me
39
00:04:19,339 --> 00:04:22,320
and nothing else at all.
40
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:27,440
There are so many songs in me that won't
be sung.
41
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:32,340
I feel the bitter taste of tears upon my
tongue.
42
00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:36,920
The time has come for me to pay for
yesterday.
43
00:04:38,950 --> 00:04:41,670
When I was young.
44
00:04:50,650 --> 00:04:57,230
Now, I want to do my favorite. Come on.
45
00:04:57,470 --> 00:04:59,190
You've got to do my favorite once at
least.
46
00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:04,610
Down the road there from me, there's a
big hall that's free, where you lay down
47
00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:05,610
a dollar.
48
00:05:05,750 --> 00:05:07,710
Yes, and? Well, you pull around.
49
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:12,140
When you come back again, there's a joke
from good old Mountain Dew.
50
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:18,220
When they call it that good old Mountain
Dew, and them that refuse it are cute.
51
00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:24,500
I'll hush up my muggy when you fill up
my jug with some good old Mountain Dew.
52
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:30,740
Now my brother Bill's got a still on the
hill where he runs off a gallon or two.
53
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,120
And the budget's in the sky.
54
00:05:43,370 --> 00:05:44,370
aren't you?
55
00:05:44,630 --> 00:05:50,490
I'll hush up my mug before you fill up
my jug with some good old Mountain Dew!
56
00:05:53,230 --> 00:05:54,230
Yeah!
57
00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:55,970
Oh, I love it.
58
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:59,830
I can do that all in a long time. Thank
you.
59
00:06:00,470 --> 00:06:02,910
It's very good.
60
00:06:03,310 --> 00:06:04,310
For what it is.
61
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:06,430
Play another one, will you? Nope.
62
00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:11,010
Well, I don't have time anyway. I've got
to get ready for the rodeo.
63
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:14,550
But I do want to thank you, Felix, for
what you said about my singing and
64
00:06:14,550 --> 00:06:17,910
playing. I know you know a lot about
music. Well, you're more than welcome.
65
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,170
Shake.
66
00:06:25,990 --> 00:06:29,070
You think that's funny? It is funny. You
think that's funny?
67
00:06:29,630 --> 00:06:30,630
Yes.
68
00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:34,850
My napkin. Oh, he's such a funny guy.
What a wonderful person to have around.
69
00:06:34,950 --> 00:06:35,950
Oh, knock it off.
70
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,430
He's been in the house half a day.
Already I've sat on his whoopee cushions
71
00:06:40,430 --> 00:06:41,430
three times.
72
00:06:42,659 --> 00:06:45,560
He glued my shoes to the floor and he
greased the toilet seat.
73
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:51,340
It's because he's a fun -loving guy and
he likes to see people laugh. You notice
74
00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:54,480
he doesn't do it to me? Because I think
it's funny. He does it to you because
75
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,960
you're stuffy and don't have a sense of
humor.
76
00:06:56,540 --> 00:06:57,700
I don't have a sense of humor? That's
right.
77
00:06:58,020 --> 00:06:59,020
Me? Yeah.
78
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,880
The one who had them rolling in the
trenches at Anzio with my imitation of
79
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:03,880
Coward.
80
00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:06,200
You think that was funny?
81
00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:08,600
What do you think is funny? Good
evening, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah!
82
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,330
A man walks into an elevator. There's a
naked woman.
83
00:07:13,610 --> 00:07:15,930
He says, my wife's got an outfit just
like that at home.
84
00:07:18,170 --> 00:07:19,310
Boy, that's funny.
85
00:07:19,550 --> 00:07:20,550
That's funny.
86
00:07:21,110 --> 00:07:22,730
I've got to be getting down to the
rodeo.
87
00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:25,530
I sure hate that I'm going to miss one
of your fine dinners tonight.
88
00:07:26,210 --> 00:07:28,390
Well, I'm certain you'll make it for
breakfast, won't you?
89
00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:32,370
Felix, you seem a bit testy. If I've
been getting on your nerves, I have a
90
00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:33,430
feeling that you don't like me.
91
00:07:34,350 --> 00:07:36,850
I don't like your prank very much.
92
00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:40,110
Well, it's because you've never tried
them. You ought to try them one time. I
93
00:07:40,110 --> 00:07:41,110
don't think so.
94
00:07:41,490 --> 00:07:44,350
You want to pull a great prank on Oscar
while I'm gone? No. Why?
95
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:48,670
This rubber hot dog.
96
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:50,750
Oh, they're a gas.
97
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,990
A rubber hot dog? Yeah, he takes one
bite out of it and then chews it all
98
00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:57,010
long. It's rubber. I wish I could be
here to see the expression on his face.
99
00:07:57,030 --> 00:07:58,030
Thank you very much.
100
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,300
I'll be back for you if you'd like it.
One of your favorites. What have you
101
00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:18,900
Yeah, nine cold hot dogs. Just put a lot
of mustard on it. A lot of mustard,
102
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,800
yeah. That's nice of you.
103
00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:38,160
Well, that's quite a surprise.
104
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:39,800
It was Mozart, wasn't it?
105
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:40,980
Yes, it was.
106
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,420
Until you turned it into Memphis.
107
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,160
You like good music?
108
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,680
Yes, it's one of my first loves.
109
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,960
Really? Hey, you know this?
110
00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:53,100
Vivaldi. Wow. Can you play this?
111
00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:54,520
Well, it's been a while.
112
00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:57,300
What happened? Did the fiddle explode?
113
00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,040
This is a real violin.
114
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,120
The bow is made of licorice?
115
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,500
I'm very serious. We'll just start from
here.
116
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,660
One, two, three
117
00:10:41,249 --> 00:10:42,350
You are good.
118
00:10:42,890 --> 00:10:44,510
Well, you know, I used to practice a
lot.
119
00:10:44,830 --> 00:10:47,010
In fact, I had a scholarship before I
went in the army.
120
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,270
No kidding. Why did you give it up?
121
00:10:48,470 --> 00:10:51,910
Well, sitting in a room all day
practicing on the violin is not my idea
122
00:10:51,970 --> 00:10:53,930
I like to get out with the people and
joke, make them laugh.
123
00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:57,550
No, fun is mesmerizing an audience of
thousands.
124
00:10:58,070 --> 00:11:01,110
Fun is the happiness your gift can bring
to other people.
125
00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:03,490
Let's do this one again.
126
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:07,190
One, two, three.
127
00:11:37,450 --> 00:11:39,450
what you were doing, the playing, that
was terrific.
128
00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:42,750
You see that? You see the reaction of
that man? Now that's fun.
129
00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:46,110
You really like that? I'm telling you,
it was sensational.
130
00:11:48,150 --> 00:11:49,330
You guys excuse me.
131
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,110
What's this all about?
132
00:12:01,110 --> 00:12:02,110
Congratulations.
133
00:12:02,370 --> 00:12:03,129
For what?
134
00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:06,570
You just turned that man into a concert
violinist. I did?
135
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:08,660
You're a magician.
136
00:12:08,780 --> 00:12:09,739
I am?
137
00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:11,640
Then how come I can't make you
disappear?
138
00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:20,440
Come on, Willie, you've been practicing
for three days.
139
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:23,900
I want you to meet my friend Murray.
You'll love him. He can direct traffic
140
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:24,879
his nose.
141
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:25,880
Murray!
142
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,520
Is this the guy? Wild Willie Boggs, meet
Murray the cop.
143
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:30,839
How's it going?
144
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:32,280
I heard about you.
145
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,060
I'm not falling for that one.
146
00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:36,560
Well, let's all sit down. Grab a chair,
Murray.
147
00:12:41,609 --> 00:12:43,330
You almost got me that time.
148
00:12:43,610 --> 00:12:46,550
Oscar, what would have happened if I sat
in that chair? That's the beauty part
149
00:12:46,550 --> 00:12:48,150
you never know with Wild Willie, see?
150
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:54,230
Willie, tell them about the time we were
stationed in Tokyo. Go ahead. You're
151
00:12:54,230 --> 00:12:55,230
going to love this.
152
00:12:55,510 --> 00:12:57,730
Well, we went in this geisha house.
Yeah, yeah.
153
00:12:58,670 --> 00:13:00,750
Stayed about two days and then went on
back to the bay.
154
00:13:04,930 --> 00:13:06,170
That's not funny, Oscar.
155
00:13:06,490 --> 00:13:07,490
He's warming up.
156
00:13:07,990 --> 00:13:10,170
Willie, you didn't tell him what
happened when they served dinner.
157
00:13:10,630 --> 00:13:12,950
Oh, here it comes. Here it comes. You
won't be able to tell.
158
00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:17,590
Well, we took our shoes off, sat around
in all these cushions, two beautiful
159
00:13:17,590 --> 00:13:20,990
girls brought all this food in, and
Oscar and me ate too much.
160
00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:26,410
Oscar, he's no Murray Amsterdam.
161
00:13:27,490 --> 00:13:29,090
I don't understand you, Willie.
162
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:32,970
You can't even break up Murray, and he
left the police lineup.
163
00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:35,590
I'm sorry, I don't have time for all of
this.
164
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:39,000
I've got to practice. I've got to learn
a very difficult number. Nice meeting
165
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:39,659
you, Murray.
166
00:13:39,660 --> 00:13:42,480
I'll tell you, you're not a fun guy
anymore. I'll tell you that. I've seen
167
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,800
in cracks that are funnier than you.
168
00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:46,600
Boy, boy, oh, boy.
169
00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:48,220
I'm sorry, Murray.
170
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:53,180
Well, he seems like a nice guy, but he
just wasn't funny. He used to be.
171
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,820
Felix ruined him. He ruined my funniest
friend.
172
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,640
I thought I was his funniest friend.
173
00:14:24,110 --> 00:14:28,430
You have to be such a bore. You realize
you're tampering with a man's life? Why
174
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:30,770
don't you go in there and tell him he
doesn't have to do this? You know what
175
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,650
are? What? You're the kind of man who
ruins the world.
176
00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:35,130
How?
177
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:40,470
He sticks an umbrella down my pants,
opens it, and you scream with laughter.
178
00:14:40,470 --> 00:14:41,470
course, it's funny.
179
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:43,110
You have a hotfoot mentality.
180
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:47,670
What about you? You turn a former funny
guy into a mummy in a violin case. I
181
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:48,730
hope you're very happy with yourself.
182
00:14:49,030 --> 00:14:51,570
I'm delighted. You know what's going to
happen here Saturday afternoon?
183
00:14:51,910 --> 00:14:53,190
Sure, you're going to shampoo the rug.
184
00:14:54,470 --> 00:14:57,150
After that. You know who's coming to my
opera recital? Who?
185
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,430
Boris Kalnyakov.
186
00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:01,470
Hooray! Boris Kalnyakov.
187
00:15:01,870 --> 00:15:05,950
The concert impresario. With one wave of
his cane, he can give him a whole new
188
00:15:05,950 --> 00:15:09,750
career. I'm going to have Willie play
for him. Isn't that exciting? Oh, be
189
00:15:09,750 --> 00:15:10,750
my heart. Now listen.
190
00:15:11,890 --> 00:15:13,050
His dinner's in the oven.
191
00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:14,710
Serve it to him in one hour.
192
00:15:14,970 --> 00:15:16,770
Shall I flip it to him under his cell
door?
193
00:15:18,010 --> 00:15:20,690
I shudder to think what would have
happened if you'd been a friend of
194
00:15:20,690 --> 00:15:22,650
Michelangelo's. There'd be no Sistine
Chapel.
195
00:15:23,210 --> 00:15:25,950
You'd have said, leave your brushes,
Mike. We'll go tip over Gondola.
196
00:15:30,170 --> 00:15:32,790
All right, everyone. Here we go.
197
00:15:33,450 --> 00:15:34,770
Meeting will come to order.
198
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:37,810
All right. The meeting will come to
order. Come on, everybody.
199
00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:40,130
Sit down. Sit down, everybody. Please
sit down.
200
00:15:40,370 --> 00:15:43,670
Sit down. No, no, you can't have the
biggest chair this time. No, we're
201
00:15:43,670 --> 00:15:45,550
that chair for something very special.
202
00:15:46,290 --> 00:15:51,750
Members of the Lexington Avenue Opera
Club, welcome to Mozart and Muffin.
203
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:58,520
Mozart made the music, and I made the
muffins. So help yourself as you see
204
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:03,820
Now, well, don't take any of those. All
right, everybody,
205
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,900
sit down. So now we have a great big
surprise for you.
206
00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:12,080
We're going to have a surprise guest and
a surprise performer.
207
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:17,680
But to start things off, our own Fred
Felsher will sing an aria for us that he
208
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,660
has been working on for 14 years.
209
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,460
Il mio tesoro From Don Giovanni
210
00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:34,560
Il mio
211
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,560
tesoro
212
00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:30,100
Mr. Felsher.
213
00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:33,340
Sit
214
00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:40,500
down.
215
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,560
Have a muffin.
216
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:43,460
Isn't he talented?
217
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,480
He could use a little more practice.
218
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,980
I'm so sorry. I wanted to make a good
impression. Never mind the impression.
219
00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:52,840
You're not rich little.
220
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,640
I came to hear the cowboy violinist. And
you will hear him laugh.
221
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:02,490
No, I will hear him. first. Ah, well,
let me explain my thinking, Mr.
222
00:18:02,630 --> 00:18:04,930
I, too, am something of an impresario.
223
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:07,310
Mr. William Bond is our star.
224
00:18:07,530 --> 00:18:12,110
I thought you'd hear all of our group
first, and then, as a big finale, our
225
00:18:12,110 --> 00:18:14,190
performer. Let me explain my thinking.
226
00:18:14,490 --> 00:18:19,030
I will hear your top performer first,
and then I will go home and have dinner.
227
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,270
Good thing.
228
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:34,580
Lexington Avenue Opera Club. Felix Unger
presents a startling new talent.
229
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:41,600
Born a poor but industrious sharecropper
parent in a one -room cabin in
230
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:42,680
Gooseberry, Kentucky.
231
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:43,960
Born...
232
00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:53,720
Stop! That's enough.
233
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,840
You are a genius.
234
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,139
Oh.
235
00:19:58,140 --> 00:19:59,620
Do you really think so?
236
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:05,460
Kalnikov knows a genius when he sees
one. Oh, I'm so glad you agree with me.
237
00:20:05,460 --> 00:20:06,820
you, sir, you're an idiot.
238
00:20:09,380 --> 00:20:10,520
Why do you say that?
239
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:13,240
Kalnikov knows an idiot when he sees
one.
240
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:18,240
Aren't you the great Wild Willy Bugs?
241
00:20:19,060 --> 00:20:21,180
Yes. Well, then, sir,
242
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:22,880
You're a genius.
243
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,120
You are the funniest man I ever saw.
244
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:30,160
Don't you remember me from the rodeo?
You set fire to my cape.
245
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:32,820
Was that you?
246
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,960
Who else will wear a cape in Phoenix,
you crazy guy?
247
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:44,400
What did you think of the way he played
the chariot? Well, 90 guys can play the
248
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:45,400
same way.
249
00:20:52,590 --> 00:20:53,610
What do I do now, Oscar?
250
00:20:53,850 --> 00:20:56,770
Oh, Willie, that's your decision. Now,
what is it you really want to do?
251
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,110
Well, I'd like to play some more.
252
00:21:00,390 --> 00:21:01,390
Good. Good.
253
00:21:01,590 --> 00:21:02,590
Wonderful.
254
00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:06,070
Are you not proud of the rodeo? I'm in
baseball.
255
00:21:06,790 --> 00:21:07,910
Are you, Hank Aaron?
256
00:21:11,050 --> 00:21:13,270
Mr. Barnes will resume with the
allegretto.
257
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,840
up your audition. No, no, no, no, that's
all right. I just, I don't know what
258
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:58,340
comes, I just have to do it my way. Of
course.
259
00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:00,160
Now for me.
260
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:04,140
Play some Bach on the guitar. No more
Bach. Will you play my favorite Mountain
261
00:22:04,140 --> 00:22:07,440
Dew? No, no, no, no. Play a nice
classical thing, please. I don't want to
262
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,020
anything classical. Mountain Dew!
263
00:22:09,380 --> 00:22:10,380
Wait.
264
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,960
Could I do something for myself?
265
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:15,480
He's entitled.
266
00:24:55,759 --> 00:24:57,220
Are you happy?
267
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,280
He finally played boxing.
21695
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.