All language subtitles for the_odd_couple_s05e09

It's not air freshener. It's
disinfectant.

I wonder if it smells like the inside of
an ambulance here.

Put that cigar out, please. No, I like
it.

May I remind you that we have a guest in
the house?

My little daughter Edna's in the other
room with the sniffles. Cigar smoke

doesn't bother sniffles. Oscar, please,
it's not nice for a little girl with a

cold to have to breathe cheap cigar
smoke.

Put it out. No.

Give it to me!

You notice that Edna and I are getting
along a little bit better now? Yeah,

terrific. Yeah. Well, until her mother
comes back from Bermuda, I think I found

the key.

You know what the secret is for getting
along with kids today? What? What the

Beatles said.

Let them be.

Let them be.

I'm going to make her some tea. Let the
cigar be. No, no, no. Whoa.

It's got disinfectant on it.

I'll smoke it at night. It'll keep the
bugs away.

I'm going to get the concert tickets,
Daddy.

Concert? Hey, classical, huh?

Classical. She's going to a Paul
Williams concert.

Have you heard anything?

It's not bad. It's all in English.

He wrote great songs.

Like, We've Only Just Begun, You and Me
Against the World, and Rainy Days on

Monday. I know who Paul Williams is. Oh,
all right. I'll see you in the morning,

Daddy.

You'll see me in the morning?

How's that?

Well, some friends and I are going to
stand in line overnight to make sure we

get seats.

Overnight? On the sidewalk?

Sure, it's fun.

No, no, no. I don't think that's fun.
No.

Oh, come on, Daddy.

Don't be silly.

Even if you didn't have a cold, I
wouldn't let you stay overnight on the

sidewalk. But, Daddy.

You will not go.

Yes, I will. You will not. What happened
to let him be? Go to your room.

What happened to let him be?

You can't let them be all the time.

What do the Beatles know? To be a good
parent, you must be authoritative.

The child must know who's boss.

They respect that.

Edna, don't be mad at me.

Come on, I'll buy you something.

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a
live audience.

My daughter, he... She's only been here
a short time.

Think how I feel about you.

Don't try to cheer me up.

This is serious.

I know why she wants to stand in line
all night long.

She's crazy in love with that Paul
Williams.

Better him than Alice Cooper.

A little girl.

She'll get in your mood.

Am I wrong? Tell me the truth.

Sit down, all right? Sit down.

You promised if I tell you something,
you won't go overboard. Please promise,

all right? Now, don't jump. Please don't
jump. I think I can get you tickets to

Paul Williams. You'll make me a hero for
life. She'll love me. How can

you do that? Well, a year ago, I did an
interview with Paul Williams about

gliding.

Gliding? He does that?

Yeah, he gets in a plane with no motor.
A plane with a motor takes him up, lets

him go, and then he glides. Goes up
without a motor? Yeah.

Why would a man do a thing like that?

Why would a man shampoo a rug three
times a week?

Because you... Never mind, never mind.
If you do this for me, I'll... Anything,

anything. I'll cook anything you want
for a month.

Cream -chip beef on a donut?

Yeah, with raisins in it?

All right, now, but remember, please, I
said it's a small chance. He's a big

singing song. I'm not sure. Edna, Edna,
we've got tickets to the Paul Williams

concert. You know, we don't get our due.

When each day is through, I bring my
tired body home.

You and me against the world.

Sam, I wanted to show you. It's from
Brazil. Did Uncle Oscar say when he'd be

home? No, sweetheart. Well, he called
before. Why didn't you ask him if he had

the ticket?

Because he couldn't talk. He'd been
gliding with Paul Williams and he was in

condition for a conversation.

Why not?

He was crying.

He got him!

Mr. Unger. Yes, I'm Paul Williams.

We ran into a little turbulence. Look
out for the trees!

You're all right.

You're all right. I prayed, Felix, and
my prayers were answered.

Felix, I promised God tomorrow we'd move
down to the ground floor.

Mr. Williams, I want you to meet my
daughter, Edna. She's dying to meet you.

How do you do?

Edna?

I think she's in awe of you.

It's my curse.

Welcome in. Would you like a piece of
fruit?

No, thank you. I'm really in a hurry. I
wanted to bring Oscar home and give you

the tickets for the concert. Oh, thank
you. How very nice.

Edna, it was nice talking to you.

Wouldn't you like to have dinner with
us? How long are you going to be in

You look as if you could enjoy a good
meal.

Well, thank you, but after the show
tonight, I go to Albany for the weekend.

Little club up there that I play where I
got my start, you know, so I go back.

Isn't that nice?

Loyalty. I like that.

Would you like to go instead of me?

Just kidding.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh,

Daddy!

So the old man's not such a party
pooper, huh?

Oh.

You feel warm? No, I feel great. No, no,
you've got a bit of fever, haven't you?

No, really.

Come on, we'll take your temperature.
No, Daddy, really, I'm fine.

Come on.

How do you feel? Oh, I'm great now.

Yea, though I walk with a...

Take

it

again.

I'm sorry, honey, I've taken it four
times. It'd fill a hundred, too.

Is that a nice way to talk to your
father?

Oh, cover -up.

What's a bummer?

A person who never liked to have any
fun.

Me not like to have fun? Me?

I'm the king of fun.

Now sit down here. Sit down.

You can put your feet up because you're
sick. Cover -up. And we'll have our own

fun here at home. We'll have a rock
concert right here.

We'll rock with opera.

La Traviata.

You know what La Traviata means in
Italian?

It means the troubled girl. And that's
what you are, because you're sick, but

you're going to get better. Now, this
girl in the opera really has trouble,

because she has consumption.

And you know why? Because she didn't
keep covered up when she had a bath. Oh!

Anyway, she's a very lovely person, but
she's not quite the kind of person I'd

like you to know, because she is a
member of the Demi -Montagne. She is

Talk like that.

From your opera stories.

I gotta go to that concert. I just gotta
go to that concert.

Tell me the truth.

Am I a bad parent?

What should I do?

Tell me the rest of that dirty opera
story.

Well, that was a great game.

We'll be back with the start of our
second game, Alabama Navy, right after

message from our sponsor.

Oscar? Yeah, look at this.

Look at that.

Today, it's 99.

Isn't that great? You see, I was right
not to let her go to that concert last

night. Edna, soon you'll be normal.

With you as her father, she'll never be
normal.

That's cute, coming from a non -parent.

Look, I've got to cover a wedding. Take
care of her, will you?

Just see that she's okay.

Don't let her go out. That's the main
thing. Okay.

Honey, I'm leaving now.

This is the bummer saying goodbye.

You heard what I told you, huh? Yes.
Okay.

Hello, Irwin. Yeah,

I want to make a bet on the Navy
-Alabama game.

Well, I know I lost. Give me a chance to
get even. I'm good for it. And what's

the spread?

Three points? All right, give me Navy
and three points.

Yeah, they can't lose.

Okay. Bye -bye.

Okay,

folks, here we go. Here come the
midshipmen out on the field.

Wait a minute. There's some kind of
commotion down there.

Uh -oh, it's bad news for your Navy
fans.

The quarterback was just bitten by the
mascot.

He's out of the game.

For you mascot fans, he's fun.

Yeah? I'd like to see a goat throw a
floor pass.

Hello? Are you busy?

No, I can't get the back off. Come on.

I can't believe I came over that kid.

I can't take it anymore.

I can't stand being treated like a
child.

Oh, Oscar, we've been through this a
thousand times.

Turn it over.

I'm going to follow Paul Williams.

Goodbye, Edna.

I'm sorry, Felix.

Say something, will you?

Will you scream? Will you holler? Will
you hit me here?

Pour beer on me, ketchup, anything.

Don't be silly. I'm not going to be
crazy. I'm not going to be dumb.

No time for recrimination.

It's a time to think.

Other parents have had to live with the
pain of a child running away. Now I have

to live with that pain.

What am I going to do?

I have to go to Albany. That's the thing
to do. And you're going with me. Of

course.

Thanks for being so nice, Nevada
Phoenix.

But first, I'll pour beer.

Well, you should, because I deserve it.
I'll do it to myself. Look at this.

Look

around

for you.

Me against the world.

Feels like you and me against the world.

And for all the times we cried, I always
felt that God was

gonna die.

And when one of us has gone, and one is

left alone to carry on, then remembering
we're

left to do our memories alone.

think about the days of me and you you
and me against the world

Be back at the tippy -toe room.

Are you here? I'm here.

I'm being as quiet as I can be.

Let me get your looking for a table.

Greg, can we have a little light for
these elderly gentlemen?

We've got to get them to a table.

Don't be ashamed.

Buy him a cup of stanker.

On me.

I've got to tell you, I don't do
Melancholy Baby until the second show.

I know these guys.

It's just an old -fashioned love song
playing on the radio.

And wrapped around the music is the
sound of someone promising they'll never

on.

I'm sorry.

What's the matter with you? You relax.

We'll look for it.

You'll swear you've heard it before as
it slowly rambles on and on. No need in

bringing them back because they've never
really gone.

It's just an old -fashioned love song
coming down in three -part harmony.

It's just an old -fashioned love song
when I'm sure they're both for you and

me.

It's just an old -fashioned... It's just
an old -fashioned love song coming down

at 3 o 'clock all the day.

It's just an old -fashioned love song
when I'm sure they'll go for you.

Look at all that paint on you.

May I borrow this, please?

Daddy! Oh, please stop making a scene!
I'm not making a scene!

Will you sit down, please?

I want to know what's going on!

Sit down and order something.

I order you to come home! I'm sorry,
we're all out of that.

I will not have my daughter be a
waitress in a motel!

You're embarrassing me. Will you please
take a walk? Let me talk to her. Please

calm down.

Go ahead.

She's underage! Will you?

Sit down. Here.

Honey, I gotta tell you the truth here.
I'm kind of like your father.

I'm surprised you always seem so
sensible.

I'm still sensible.

You go running away like this, sensible?

It seems pretty crazy to me.

Unless, honey, you've got some plans.

I have a plan to follow Paul Williams.

Why? You figure maybe someday you'll get
to marry him or something? No.

Well, do you think or you feel you're in
love with him? No.

Then see, I don't understand.

You see, that's just it.

Neither does my father.

But Paul Williams understands me.

Did you talk to him? Did he tell you
this? No. I can tell by his song.

He sings the things that I feel.

Vivian, no mixing.

They want you in the kitchen.

I really have to get back to work now,
Uncle Oscar. Okay.

Well, what did she say? I don't
understand.

You don't understand her either. No,
that's what she said. I don't understand

her. You don't understand her. Only Paul
Williams understands her. Only Paul

Williams understands her.

Where was Paul Williams when she had the
mumps? Where was Paul Williams when she

had the measles?

You mean I should talk to Paul Williams?

I think so, buddy.

Oh.

I'm sorry, sir. You can't go back.

I've got to see Paul Williams.

I'm sorry.

I've got to see Paul Williams or I'll
die.

It's always a matter of life and death
with you groupies.

He's resting backstage.

We're friends of his.

I know. Everybody says that.

Can you take him a note, please?

A quarter?

What is this, your allowance?

Oh, very funny. Here, here, here. Will
you take him the note?

Okay, I'll... He's not going to come

out. They never do too busy with their
fast women and their fancy hair dryers.

I need to relax.

It's only been ten minutes.

It's my daughter. I know, but sit down.
Try to relax.

What are you doing?

You told me to sit down.

Why don't you sit over there?

I'd be lonely over there.

Isn't it a chair for two?

that you came along with me.

I don't have to tell you, I was getting
a little bit hysterical.

Yeah, it's hard not to notice. Were you
trying to grab the wheel, blow the horn?

And the bus driver yelling at me, sit
down, sit down.

Felix? Oscar?

I told you he'd come. I thought that was
Ian. I can't believe you came.

I mean, nobody comes to Albany.

You saw my nose.

Oh, it's beautiful.

You must really love your daughter.

Will you talk to her?

Felix, I can't talk to her. That would
be lecturing. I'm a singer, not a

Oh, big deal. Mr. Golden, record teenage
idol. Now, that's not fair, Felix. I

don't have to be there. I'm a crazy
person.

Felix, relax.

Why don't you give me just a minute
alone with her inside? I might be able

help. Really, trust me.

You're not a crazy person either. You're
a nice man.

Right, you're holding it. Come on now.

Give him a shot, all right?

I'm going to get a cigar.

Don't ever have children.

Edna, sit down a minute, would you?

I just finished a new song. I'd kind of
like to get your opinion of it.

A fellow gave me a note. I read it. It
kind of inspired me.

It said what I think I'd want to say to
my daughter, you know, if I ever have

one.

Listen.

And even though I'm not around to pick
you up the times you're down, you know I

think about you each and every day.

And though I feel a love for you that's
always growing, always new.

The things I'm quick to feel I'm
sometimes slow to say.

So I lay awake and worry.

Are you hungry?

Are you warm?

Why, there's nothing in this world too
good for you.

And then I turn around and make a list
of things that you can't have.

I only hope my good intentions still
show through.

You know the ones who love you expect
the most from you.

Once I held a perfect baby, you slept
soundly in my arms.

Now a woman is awakening in you.

And I'll probably be jealous when your
first love rolls around.

I guess that calls for extra
understanding, too.

We'll order up a cup of tolerance for
two.

You know the ones who love you expect
the most from

you.

That was beautiful. You like it? It was
really nice.

You know who wrote that?

Your father wrote that.

Daddy? I swear, the words are changed
around a little bit. The feelings,

here.

Oscar, why your short beard?

Did you really write that?

I didn't write the music.

The words.

I never heard you talk like that before.

I never said those things before.

Sometimes it's very hard to say things.

I know. It's hard for me, too.

How'd the wedding go the other day?

When you've seen one Polish wedding,
you've seen them all.

Remember when I was little and you used
to take me on your job?

It was the most fun I ever had.

Me too.

Do you have a job tomorrow?

No. Oh.

Well, that's okay. We can do something
else.

It's getting so big.

It's because I'm standing on the stage.

You look so cute in this uniform.

You know, when you set a table, never
put your fingers on the inside of a

I love you,

too.

Goodbye, sweetheart.

You know, something good came out of all
this.

Edna and I are closer together than we
ever were before.

I'll tell you something.

I owe it all to you. I know, I really
do.

You're a wonderful friend, Oscar.

I just hope you know that if the
situation were reversed, I'd do the same

you.

Just like that Paul Williams song.

It's you and me against the world.

Sometimes it feels it's you and me
against the world.

I'm betting on the world.