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1
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:11,120
You're reading the files?
2
00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:16,020
No, it's Oscar's column today. I didn't
read it yet. What's in it?
3
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,520
It's all about his softball league in
Central Park.
4
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:24,040
Listen to this. A funny thing happened
on my way across Central Park.
5
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,280
I got across.
6
00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,080
People say there's a lot of crime in New
York.
7
00:00:31,420 --> 00:00:34,300
That's just a vicious rumor started by a
half a million victims.
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00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:39,720
I think that's so funny. Hey, now spring
is here and the park is beautiful.
9
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The tree was green. The bird was
singing.
10
00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:47,180
Wait, is something wrong with me? I
don't know.
11
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,540
Men and women holding hands.
12
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:50,940
Up.
13
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:56,940
Oscar, stop it. How can you laugh at
tripe like that? It's funny tripe.
14
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,250
Hey, Murray, I know. Hey, Oscar, this
is... Money, money, yeah.
15
00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:03,650
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
16
00:01:03,950 --> 00:01:06,930
Why? This is our beloved city you're
making fun of.
17
00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:08,370
Well, they're just jokes.
18
00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:09,470
Just jokes?
19
00:01:09,490 --> 00:01:10,490
Yeah. Just jokes, huh?
20
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That's what the Polish people started
saying.
21
00:01:15,270 --> 00:01:16,790
They're just jokes, Stanislaw.
22
00:01:18,330 --> 00:01:19,330
Now look at me.
23
00:01:19,590 --> 00:01:23,170
You're too sensitive. You're darn right
I'm sensitive. This city has been plenty
24
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good to me, and you too.
25
00:01:24,970 --> 00:01:27,350
This is the way you repay it, with
stupid jokes.
26
00:01:27,570 --> 00:01:29,270
People are holding hands. Up.
27
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,160
Stop it. Stop it. What's the matter with
you?
28
00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:35,680
Don't you see where this sort of thing
can lead?
29
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People will believe it. Tourists will
stop coming to town. Business will fall
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00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:41,620
off. People will lose their jobs.
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And all because of your lies. No, no,
no. They're not lies. No, they're not.
32
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They may be exaggerations, but these
jokes are based on truth. They're based
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old, worn -out, stupid cliches, and I
can prove it. Go ahead. Prove it. Well,
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I... No, go ahead. I can prove it. I
can.
35
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:57,020
You can.
36
00:01:57,710 --> 00:02:01,410
If I can prove that these cliches are
false, will you print a retraction?
37
00:02:01,610 --> 00:02:06,070
Felix, if you can prove that one of
these cliches is false, I'll print such
38
00:02:06,070 --> 00:02:08,729
column about New York, everybody in the
country will want a movie. You've got
39
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:11,870
yourself a deal, mister making a fine
living in a city you're knocking.
40
00:02:12,110 --> 00:02:13,110
Okay.
41
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:16,190
But you better do it fast, because I go
on my vacation to the Bahamas in three
42
00:02:16,190 --> 00:02:18,990
days. Three days is all I need. You're
going to eat those words, and I'm going
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00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:19,990
to pour the ketchup.
44
00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:25,940
I think Felix is losing his sense of
humor. Oh, forget about him. You want to
45
00:02:25,940 --> 00:02:28,620
hear about a joke I'm going to have in
tomorrow's column? Yeah. Now, I live in
46
00:02:28,620 --> 00:02:32,840
very safe building. Last night, there
were three cops in my lobby. All night.
47
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They were afraid to go outside.
48
00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:38,360
That's not funny.
49
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I wasn't afraid. It was cold.
50
00:04:43,690 --> 00:04:45,590
where they're joked about Central Park.
51
00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:48,650
What's more beautiful than New York on a
Sunday afternoon?
52
00:04:49,050 --> 00:04:51,070
It is nice, but what do you hope to
accomplish here?
53
00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:55,330
Well, I've been going about this the
wrong way. You don't stop New Yorkers
54
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they're rushing off to work. They're
busy people. They're building the world.
55
00:04:59,270 --> 00:05:00,610
All right, what do you want me to do?
56
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:06,390
I want to explode the cliche that New
Yorkers are rude. Look at this. Just
57
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:07,710
around. It's beautiful.
58
00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:10,370
Nobody's grouchy in Central Park on a
Sunday.
59
00:05:10,940 --> 00:05:13,760
Look at that. People playing volleyball.
They're playing shuffleboard.
60
00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:15,580
People are feeding pigeons. Look.
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00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:17,180
Over there, you see.
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Oscar's playing softball.
63
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:20,480
No, this won't take long, will it?
64
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:23,400
Why? Why don't you hurry? Well, I've got
to pick my mother up at the airport.
65
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,080
Your mother?
66
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:26,900
She's coming here?
67
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,860
Where's she going to stay? With you?
68
00:05:29,140 --> 00:05:30,140
Yes.
69
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,460
For how long?
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00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:32,540
A couple of weeks.
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00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,140
You mean she's going to be there all the
time?
72
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,360
I guess so.
73
00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:37,780
You mean we?
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I guess not.
75
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:42,320
Oh, boy.
76
00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:43,860
I'm sorry.
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00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,580
You're sorry. And after you just got
over a cold.
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00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,800
These things happen, you know. Yes, they
happen all the time to me.
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00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:56,100
I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.
80
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,140
I got it. I got it, fellas.
81
00:05:58,380 --> 00:05:59,139
Game's over.
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00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:02,740
Game's over there. There you go. $5 a
match. See you next week. You cheated.
83
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,760
We cheated. We could.
84
00:06:06,190 --> 00:06:09,310
What are you doing here anyway? I'm
going to explode the cliché that New
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00:06:09,310 --> 00:06:12,470
are rude. Are you crazy? The people here
are the same people that threw garbage
86
00:06:12,470 --> 00:06:13,369
at you yesterday.
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00:06:13,370 --> 00:06:15,250
Only Sunday they're taking a rudeness
break.
88
00:06:15,470 --> 00:06:16,470
All right.
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I'll change my clichés. I'm allowed to
do that.
90
00:06:19,410 --> 00:06:21,770
Come here, come here, Mary. Help me,
help me. No, no, you too.
91
00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:23,430
What do you want me to do?
92
00:06:24,110 --> 00:06:25,110
Beat the hell out of Mary.
93
00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:27,510
Yeah.
94
00:06:27,710 --> 00:06:30,510
Now I'll explode the cliché that New
Yorkers are indifferent to someone in
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00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:33,290
trouble. They'll come over to help.
Yeah, and I'll get arrested. No, then
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00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:35,910
explain to them what's going on. Go
ahead, go ahead. This is going to be
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00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:37,110
interesting. It's all right with you.
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00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:44,570
Have a beautiful one. When do you hit
her? You take her, you... It's her
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Take her purse.
100
00:06:45,390 --> 00:06:46,430
He's taking her purse!
101
00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:51,110
Oh, he's taking my purse! Look what this
man is doing! Help! Help me!
102
00:06:51,930 --> 00:06:54,130
Hey, you! Come back! Come back here,
you!
103
00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:56,790
Don't come back here. He said come back!
No, no, no!
104
00:06:57,370 --> 00:06:58,370
Hold the purse high!
105
00:06:59,050 --> 00:07:00,290
Look where he went!
106
00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:02,710
Why doesn't somebody help this girl?
107
00:07:08,270 --> 00:07:09,270
Get up. You look ridiculous.
108
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,060
It takes me a minute to pack it.
109
00:07:59,340 --> 00:08:01,620
You're taking your dirty laundry to the
Bahamas?
110
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That's my clean stuff.
111
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:05,940
Of course, Felix.
112
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:09,960
He's out trying to explode per se. I
feel so sorry for him. He's really
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00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:10,960
discouraged.
114
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:13,700
Was it raining out?
115
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,160
What happened, Felix?
116
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:17,840
Miriam, would you mind?
117
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:22,230
Leaving me alone with Oscar for just a
minute. Sure, I'll see you later. Have a
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00:08:22,230 --> 00:08:24,530
nice trip, Oscar. All right, honey, I'll
see you when I get back. Bye, Bob.
119
00:08:26,270 --> 00:08:27,270
Why'd you send her out?
120
00:08:28,490 --> 00:08:30,130
I didn't want her to see me fall apart.
121
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She thinks I'm macho.
122
00:08:34,770 --> 00:08:35,770
What happened?
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A vicious child splashed me.
124
00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:45,750
Oh, go off to the Bahamas. Go with your
victory. I can see that. I can see that.
125
00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:48,050
Oh, come on, buddy. Now don't take it so
hard.
126
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:51,200
Look, you're going to still see me off
to the boat, aren't you? Yeah, sure.
127
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:53,620
We'll go through the park.
128
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,100
We'll watch the lovers holding hands.
129
00:08:58,420 --> 00:09:00,440
We'll see the tree, hear the bird.
130
00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:05,380
Oh, come on. All right, I'll change my
clothes. We'll get a cab. No, we're
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00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:07,800
to have to go by subway. The cabs are on
strike.
132
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,520
Is there no end?
133
00:09:13,060 --> 00:09:14,080
Is there no end?
134
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,120
Could you see who it was?
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00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,100
Miriam's mother.
136
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,320
believe I'm starting a trip to the
Bahamas on the IRT.
137
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,520
At least you're leaving.
138
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,920
I ride the subway every day of my life.
I haven't been on a subway in five
139
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,640
years. Can't tell you how much we missed
you.
140
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:17,900
That man's got a big mouth.
141
00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:19,960
Don't talk to nuts on the subway.
142
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:22,640
Be happy.
143
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,920
Smile. You're going off on a wonderful
trip. You're wearing your beautiful
144
00:10:32,110 --> 00:10:34,730
I envy you. I envy you.
145
00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:38,590
What are you, one of the glitter people?
146
00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:42,010
Where are we?
147
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,750
We seem to be in a tunnel.
148
00:10:58,990 --> 00:10:59,990
It's your shirt.
149
00:11:00,630 --> 00:11:02,270
You see the hostility?
150
00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:06,250
That's your typical New Yorker. You
thought you saw hostility in the park?
151
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:07,550
till you see it here in the dark. No.
152
00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:11,950
No. You're wrong. Now you're really
going to see something. I was right.
153
00:11:11,950 --> 00:11:16,690
see. Remember during the blackout? A
crisis brings out the best in New
154
00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:17,970
It brings people closer together.
155
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,910
If anybody gets closer to me, they'll
lose their face.
156
00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:24,910
Just keep your mouth shut.
157
00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:28,130
The secret is...
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00:11:28,490 --> 00:11:29,610
You get people involved.
159
00:11:29,970 --> 00:11:31,830
You ask them to help. Oh, will you?
160
00:11:32,930 --> 00:11:33,930
Staple!
161
00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:37,150
Anybody in this car got a flashlight?
162
00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:39,190
I don't hear anything.
163
00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:41,630
What? It's dark. They can't hear in the
dark.
164
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:44,070
Anybody in our car?
165
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:45,570
Anybody got a flashlight?
166
00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:49,150
Yeah, and if anybody comes near me, I'll
hit them over the head with it.
167
00:11:50,050 --> 00:11:51,230
She heard you pretty good.
168
00:11:51,490 --> 00:11:52,490
Would you turn it on, please?
169
00:11:52,690 --> 00:11:53,690
It's broken.
170
00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:56,730
Why do you carry it? To hit people over
the head with it.
171
00:11:58,350 --> 00:11:59,350
It takes a little time.
172
00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:02,030
We've been able to restore partial
power.
173
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,710
However, the train will be stuck here
indefinitely.
174
00:12:04,970 --> 00:12:05,970
Have a nice day.
175
00:12:07,170 --> 00:12:11,250
No, no, no. You're going to make it. And
if I don't, it's not the Staten Island
176
00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:14,010
Ferry. They don't have one leaving every
ten minutes. That is the wrong mood.
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00:12:14,210 --> 00:12:15,270
Relax. Be friends.
178
00:12:17,910 --> 00:12:18,910
Hey,
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00:12:19,070 --> 00:12:20,070
what am I, a library?
180
00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:23,170
Give me the paint, you semi -civil to
the New Yorker.
181
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,240
I think we should all try to cooperate
in a crisis. Don't you? I mean, after
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00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:45,340
all, that's what New Yorkers are famous
for. Let's all see what we can do for
183
00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:49,060
each other. Well, I got some food. My
wife and I were going on a picnic.
184
00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:52,380
You see? You see? Now, there's the right
attitude. I'll bet there are a lot of
185
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,400
people here who are hungry.
186
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,140
Well, I got some apples here, a dollar a
piece.
187
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,360
The sandwiches are four dollars.
188
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,680
And the coffee is 70 cents a cup.
189
00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:05,940
That's outrageous.
190
00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:07,240
It's expensive, Pete Al.
191
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:11,800
Individually wrapped.
192
00:13:12,060 --> 00:13:13,620
I can't believe this. I can't.
193
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:17,100
Listen, lady, you'll be begging for this
food and then the prices will go up.
194
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,260
Listen, you've got a tuna fish salad.
No, no, no.
195
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:23,640
Don't encourage him. People, let's work
together. Let's help each other. Felix.
196
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:24,760
Yes, sir.
197
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,580
How come you and your friend are the
only ones sitting under the only fan
198
00:13:28,580 --> 00:13:29,580
operating?
199
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:31,460
Good point.
200
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,900
Very good point. Tell you what.
201
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,860
We'll take turns sitting under the fan.
You see, people are starting to
202
00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:38,900
cooperate. I want to take turns. Yes,
yes. We'll all take turns. Just a
203
00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:40,020
Me first.
204
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,680
A little while, somebody else will sit
on this thing. When I'm good and ready.
205
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:48,840
Fair enough.
206
00:13:50,020 --> 00:13:51,420
Claustrophobia. You got that?
207
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:59,680
No, I just hope I don't get it. What are
you talking about, claustrophobia?
208
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,780
There's no need to panic if you want
some fresh air.
209
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:05,460
We'll get some fresh air. All you gotta
do is...
210
00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:17,510
panic, no need. Just keep calm. Just
keep calm, Oscar.
211
00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:22,790
Everybody, just be relaxed. Yeah, I
think it's time for Harvey Hankey to
212
00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:25,570
out. Which Harvey Hankey? Don't you
remember Harvey Hankey? Give me your
213
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:30,150
Saved many a dull party in the old
fraternity house, that's right. When
214
00:14:30,150 --> 00:14:32,890
feel like panicking, you take out
Harvey. The heck is that?
215
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:56,080
Say Oscar Madison.
216
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,200
Pencils all chewed.
217
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:31,800
Don't you have a better one?
218
00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:34,580
There we are. Thank you, thank you. Ah,
we've got a pencil here.
219
00:16:34,980 --> 00:16:38,960
Well, no need to feel bored or restless
on the subway. Plenty to keep you amused
220
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,100
around here if you just have your eyes
open.
221
00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:41,880
Learn to draw.
222
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,200
Anybody want to draw?
223
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:46,220
I got a $2 pencil.
224
00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:49,060
What'll I do with this pencil?
225
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:01,180
Oh, find employment through the New York
Herald.
226
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:04,920
Oh, isn't that clever how they
abbreviate all the words just like in an
227
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,780
Incursions. Get a good job.
228
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,500
And a lot of people here would like to
get a good job.
229
00:17:12,579 --> 00:17:14,140
Oscar, would you like a good job?
230
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:15,839
I could have shut you.
231
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:23,079
Meet Miss Rapid Transit of the Month,
232
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:27,079
Darlene Patelsky. Oh, she's a very good
-looking girl, much better than last
233
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,940
month. Boy, they touch these pictures up
plenty, Elsa.
234
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:36,100
You are?
235
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:38,980
Yeah. You're Arlene Petulski? Yeah. Oh,
wow!
236
00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:44,140
We've got a celebrity in our car! Hey,
this is Rapid Transit. Meet her. Hey,
237
00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:45,660
wouldn't you like to say something to
her?
238
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,440
Wouldn't you like to go outside and kiss
the third rail?
239
00:17:49,740 --> 00:17:53,320
Don't be shy. Ask her something. Well,
how about getting this train moving? Me?
240
00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:57,220
Yeah. If you're such a big shot around
here, let's see some action. What can I
241
00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:58,179
do?
242
00:17:58,180 --> 00:18:01,480
Sure, sure, Miss Rapid Transit. Probably
the conductor's girlfriend.
243
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:02,700
You said it, pal.
244
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,520
Sure, if I played footsie with the
conductor, my picture would be up there,
245
00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:07,860
I don't know.
246
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,040
I am nobody's girlfriend.
247
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:13,820
Then what are you doing tonight? Because
I'm going to miss the cruise.
248
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,960
I know a person... Please,
249
00:18:17,140 --> 00:18:20,980
I'm only a model. This is my first time
on a subway.
250
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:32,120
Some people are so crude. This is a job
for Harvey Hankey.
251
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,440
Oh, it's worse.
252
00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:39,740
Why don't you and that rotten Hankey sit
down and leave everybody alone?
253
00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:08,020
Eight dollars now. Eight dollars? Are
you kidding?
254
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,320
Give me half.
255
00:19:09,780 --> 00:19:12,100
Nothing doing. I'm not cutting up my
last sandwich.
256
00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:14,920
Who wants to go halfies on a liverwurst
sandwich?
257
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,680
Chiseler. All right.
258
00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:17,940
Wait,
259
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,540
there's tax. In your ear, there's going
to be tax.
260
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,659
Hey, there.
261
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:24,200
How are you, fella? Huh?
262
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:26,100
What's the matter?
263
00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:27,860
Something wrong with this dog?
264
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,580
He looks okay to me.
265
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,220
The dog looks okay to you.
266
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,260
Big dog.
267
00:19:40,340 --> 00:19:41,340
You're not blind.
268
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:46,940
Have you no shame?
269
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,980
All right, this is my brother's Bernie's
dog.
270
00:19:51,380 --> 00:19:53,840
I always take him out when I need a few
bucks.
271
00:19:56,540 --> 00:19:58,060
And it's right in here.
272
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,280
Thank you, buddy.
273
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,400
That's it.
274
00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:03,760
You're right. You win.
275
00:20:04,140 --> 00:20:06,040
The whole thing is impossible.
276
00:20:09,610 --> 00:20:10,890
There's something wrong with this dog.
277
00:20:11,350 --> 00:20:12,570
She's going to have puppies.
278
00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:15,450
Who are you, Marlon Perkins?
279
00:20:15,890 --> 00:20:18,650
We don't have to be an expert to know
that she's about to give birth.
280
00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:20,390
And she's about ready.
281
00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:22,410
Can you do anything to help her?
282
00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:24,730
I don't know how.
283
00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:26,510
She don't know how from Ohio.
284
00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:29,050
Somebody's got to help her. My brother's
a doctor.
285
00:20:29,350 --> 00:20:31,890
Is he on the train? No. Well, why are
you wasting my time?
286
00:20:32,710 --> 00:20:33,770
How about Felix?
287
00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:35,170
How about him?
288
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,420
Well, he knew how to make a hanky talk.
I figure he knows everything.
289
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,300
Yeah, hey, your friend Felix can help
the door.
290
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:42,600
Why should he?
291
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,260
He's fed up and I don't blame him.
292
00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:48,080
Boy, you guys would take the spirit out
of anybody.
293
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,220
You with your newspaper and your smart
cracks.
294
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,120
You with your $8 sandwiches.
295
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:57,040
Yeah, phony blind guy selling up chewed
up pencils for $2.
296
00:20:57,540 --> 00:21:00,660
Boy, you guys should have took it out of
him. You know, he was the last loyal
297
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:01,660
New Yorker left.
298
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,520
I'm going to tell you something. We're
lucky if he doesn't move out of the city
299
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,520
forever.
300
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:10,980
We should help the dog. Come on. I don't
know what to do. Maybe you can help
301
00:21:10,980 --> 00:21:11,980
him.
302
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,780
If you do know something about helping
the dog, you should do it, you know.
303
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,400
Dogs don't need any help. They know how
to do it all by themselves.
304
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:20,760
They do? Of course.
305
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,840
Hey, I better tell them. They're really
worried. No, no, no. Why not?
306
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,080
Now you're going to see a cliché
exploded.
307
00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:30,060
Felix, listen. We've all been talking,
and we're sorry.
308
00:21:30,410 --> 00:21:33,270
The guy with the newspapers will give
you one. And the fellow with the
309
00:21:33,270 --> 00:21:35,910
can have anything he has. And you can
even sit under the fan.
310
00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:40,750
But if you know anything about helping
that dog, could you tell us how to do
311
00:21:42,330 --> 00:21:43,550
Well, let's take a little look.
312
00:21:44,610 --> 00:21:45,950
See what we ought to do here.
313
00:21:46,150 --> 00:21:47,230
Hey, here comes Peter.
314
00:21:47,430 --> 00:21:51,510
Okay, let's give the dog plenty of air.
Lie down, sweetheart, lie down. I tell
315
00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:52,890
you, we need newspapers.
316
00:21:53,350 --> 00:21:57,870
We'll spread newspapers on the floor.
That's right. Now, next thing we need,
317
00:21:57,870 --> 00:21:58,870
need hot water.
318
00:21:58,940 --> 00:22:03,220
Who's got hot water? I do. I was saving
it for tea. But I'll take the loss.
319
00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:05,760
Good. Good. Great. Can I help?
320
00:22:06,580 --> 00:22:08,740
Yes. We need bed sheet.
321
00:22:09,820 --> 00:22:11,880
Where am I going to find bed sheets on a
subway?
322
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:13,240
Good.
323
00:22:13,460 --> 00:22:14,259
Men's shirts.
324
00:22:14,260 --> 00:22:16,880
All the men. Give me your shirts. Yes.
Not you. You don't have to do this.
325
00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:22,400
Now, you fan the dog with your shirts.
Give her plenty of air. And just be
326
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,600
patient. Don't get her excited.
327
00:22:23,860 --> 00:22:26,420
You see what I'm talking about?
328
00:22:26,730 --> 00:22:31,090
That gruffness, that just a pose, that
just a mask. This is the real New
329
00:22:31,090 --> 00:22:33,810
This is what people come from out of
town to meet and to love.
330
00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:41,490
You sure fooled me, I'm telling you. I'm
going to write an article about this
331
00:22:41,490 --> 00:22:43,150
situation. It's going to make you very
happy.
332
00:22:44,070 --> 00:22:48,550
You're going to apologize to New York,
huh? I apologize to New York. And I
333
00:22:48,550 --> 00:22:49,550
you owe me an apology.
334
00:22:49,750 --> 00:22:51,610
I apologize, Felix Unger.
335
00:23:22,030 --> 00:23:25,250
We'll be next week. Don't forget we're
having lunch soon.
336
00:23:25,490 --> 00:23:26,490
Bye -bye.
337
00:23:27,090 --> 00:23:30,310
Be careful now. Don't get her excited.
338
00:23:30,550 --> 00:23:32,130
They're very, very protective now.
339
00:23:32,910 --> 00:23:36,710
Please transfer to the opposite
platform.
340
00:23:37,510 --> 00:23:40,190
This train is going to the railroad yard
for repairs.
341
00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:43,030
You'll take your cruise ticket back and
you'll get a refund.
342
00:23:43,250 --> 00:23:47,750
And then you'll spend your vacation in
the most popular vacation spot on Earth.
343
00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:48,829
Where's that?
344
00:23:48,830 --> 00:23:51,150
New York City. I live in New York City.
345
00:23:51,770 --> 00:23:53,270
You ever been to the top of the Empire
State Building?
346
00:23:53,570 --> 00:23:55,350
No. You ever seen the Statue of Liberty?
347
00:23:55,830 --> 00:23:57,710
No. You're a typical New Yorker.
348
00:23:57,930 --> 00:24:01,270
You'll take the bus to Orchard Beach,
you'll put on your army shoes, you'll
349
00:24:01,270 --> 00:24:02,270
in the sand.
350
00:24:09,210 --> 00:24:11,230
And you'll see what a railroad yard
looks like.
351
00:24:24,590 --> 00:24:25,489
You know what today is?
352
00:24:25,490 --> 00:24:26,830
Thursday. Uh -uh.
353
00:24:27,030 --> 00:24:28,030
Guess again.
354
00:24:28,630 --> 00:24:31,970
Why? It's a very important anniversary.
355
00:24:32,650 --> 00:24:35,710
Oh, yes. Belmont Racetrack's 40th year.
356
00:24:37,410 --> 00:24:38,410
Wrong.
357
00:24:38,750 --> 00:24:40,470
Absolutely dead wrong.
358
00:24:40,670 --> 00:24:44,830
Why? It is eight weeks to the day that
we were trapped in the subway.
359
00:24:45,370 --> 00:24:48,070
So? I brought you a little memento.
360
00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:07,020
Subway spelled backwards.
29195
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