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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:11,120 You're reading the files? 2 00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:16,020 No, it's Oscar's column today. I didn't read it yet. What's in it? 3 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,520 It's all about his softball league in Central Park. 4 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:24,040 Listen to this. A funny thing happened on my way across Central Park. 5 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,280 I got across. 6 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,080 People say there's a lot of crime in New York. 7 00:00:31,420 --> 00:00:34,300 That's just a vicious rumor started by a half a million victims. 8 00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:39,720 I think that's so funny. Hey, now spring is here and the park is beautiful. 9 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,240 The tree was green. The bird was singing. 10 00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:47,180 Wait, is something wrong with me? I don't know. 11 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,540 Men and women holding hands. 12 00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:50,940 Up. 13 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:56,940 Oscar, stop it. How can you laugh at tripe like that? It's funny tripe. 14 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,250 Hey, Murray, I know. Hey, Oscar, this is... Money, money, yeah. 15 00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:03,650 You ought to be ashamed of yourself. 16 00:01:03,950 --> 00:01:06,930 Why? This is our beloved city you're making fun of. 17 00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:08,370 Well, they're just jokes. 18 00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:09,470 Just jokes? 19 00:01:09,490 --> 00:01:10,490 Yeah. Just jokes, huh? 20 00:01:11,330 --> 00:01:13,170 That's what the Polish people started saying. 21 00:01:15,270 --> 00:01:16,790 They're just jokes, Stanislaw. 22 00:01:18,330 --> 00:01:19,330 Now look at me. 23 00:01:19,590 --> 00:01:23,170 You're too sensitive. You're darn right I'm sensitive. This city has been plenty 24 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,630 good to me, and you too. 25 00:01:24,970 --> 00:01:27,350 This is the way you repay it, with stupid jokes. 26 00:01:27,570 --> 00:01:29,270 People are holding hands. Up. 27 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,160 Stop it. Stop it. What's the matter with you? 28 00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:35,680 Don't you see where this sort of thing can lead? 29 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:39,580 People will believe it. Tourists will stop coming to town. Business will fall 30 00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:41,620 off. People will lose their jobs. 31 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,600 And all because of your lies. No, no, no. They're not lies. No, they're not. 32 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:49,220 They may be exaggerations, but these jokes are based on truth. They're based 33 00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:53,540 old, worn -out, stupid cliches, and I can prove it. Go ahead. Prove it. Well, 34 00:01:53,620 --> 00:01:55,420 I... No, go ahead. I can prove it. I can. 35 00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:57,020 You can. 36 00:01:57,710 --> 00:02:01,410 If I can prove that these cliches are false, will you print a retraction? 37 00:02:01,610 --> 00:02:06,070 Felix, if you can prove that one of these cliches is false, I'll print such 38 00:02:06,070 --> 00:02:08,729 column about New York, everybody in the country will want a movie. You've got 39 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:11,870 yourself a deal, mister making a fine living in a city you're knocking. 40 00:02:12,110 --> 00:02:13,110 Okay. 41 00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:16,190 But you better do it fast, because I go on my vacation to the Bahamas in three 42 00:02:16,190 --> 00:02:18,990 days. Three days is all I need. You're going to eat those words, and I'm going 43 00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:19,990 to pour the ketchup. 44 00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:25,940 I think Felix is losing his sense of humor. Oh, forget about him. You want to 45 00:02:25,940 --> 00:02:28,620 hear about a joke I'm going to have in tomorrow's column? Yeah. Now, I live in 46 00:02:28,620 --> 00:02:32,840 very safe building. Last night, there were three cops in my lobby. All night. 47 00:02:33,140 --> 00:02:34,460 They were afraid to go outside. 48 00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:38,360 That's not funny. 49 00:02:41,140 --> 00:02:43,080 I wasn't afraid. It was cold. 50 00:04:43,690 --> 00:04:45,590 where they're joked about Central Park. 51 00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:48,650 What's more beautiful than New York on a Sunday afternoon? 52 00:04:49,050 --> 00:04:51,070 It is nice, but what do you hope to accomplish here? 53 00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:55,330 Well, I've been going about this the wrong way. You don't stop New Yorkers 54 00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:59,150 they're rushing off to work. They're busy people. They're building the world. 55 00:04:59,270 --> 00:05:00,610 All right, what do you want me to do? 56 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:06,390 I want to explode the cliche that New Yorkers are rude. Look at this. Just 57 00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:07,710 around. It's beautiful. 58 00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:10,370 Nobody's grouchy in Central Park on a Sunday. 59 00:05:10,940 --> 00:05:13,760 Look at that. People playing volleyball. They're playing shuffleboard. 60 00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:15,580 People are feeding pigeons. Look. 61 00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:17,180 Over there, you see. 62 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:18,700 Oscar's playing softball. 63 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:20,480 No, this won't take long, will it? 64 00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:23,400 Why? Why don't you hurry? Well, I've got to pick my mother up at the airport. 65 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,080 Your mother? 66 00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:26,900 She's coming here? 67 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,860 Where's she going to stay? With you? 68 00:05:29,140 --> 00:05:30,140 Yes. 69 00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,460 For how long? 70 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:32,540 A couple of weeks. 71 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,140 You mean she's going to be there all the time? 72 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,360 I guess so. 73 00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:37,780 You mean we? 74 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:38,880 I guess not. 75 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:42,320 Oh, boy. 76 00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:43,860 I'm sorry. 77 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,580 You're sorry. And after you just got over a cold. 78 00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,800 These things happen, you know. Yes, they happen all the time to me. 79 00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:56,100 I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. 80 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,140 I got it. I got it, fellas. 81 00:05:58,380 --> 00:05:59,139 Game's over. 82 00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:02,740 Game's over there. There you go. $5 a match. See you next week. You cheated. 83 00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,760 We cheated. We could. 84 00:06:06,190 --> 00:06:09,310 What are you doing here anyway? I'm going to explode the cliché that New 85 00:06:09,310 --> 00:06:12,470 are rude. Are you crazy? The people here are the same people that threw garbage 86 00:06:12,470 --> 00:06:13,369 at you yesterday. 87 00:06:13,370 --> 00:06:15,250 Only Sunday they're taking a rudeness break. 88 00:06:15,470 --> 00:06:16,470 All right. 89 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,070 I'll change my clichés. I'm allowed to do that. 90 00:06:19,410 --> 00:06:21,770 Come here, come here, Mary. Help me, help me. No, no, you too. 91 00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:23,430 What do you want me to do? 92 00:06:24,110 --> 00:06:25,110 Beat the hell out of Mary. 93 00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:27,510 Yeah. 94 00:06:27,710 --> 00:06:30,510 Now I'll explode the cliché that New Yorkers are indifferent to someone in 95 00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:33,290 trouble. They'll come over to help. Yeah, and I'll get arrested. No, then 96 00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:35,910 explain to them what's going on. Go ahead, go ahead. This is going to be 97 00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:37,110 interesting. It's all right with you. 98 00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:44,570 Have a beautiful one. When do you hit her? You take her, you... It's her 99 00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:45,389 Take her purse. 100 00:06:45,390 --> 00:06:46,430 He's taking her purse! 101 00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:51,110 Oh, he's taking my purse! Look what this man is doing! Help! Help me! 102 00:06:51,930 --> 00:06:54,130 Hey, you! Come back! Come back here, you! 103 00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:56,790 Don't come back here. He said come back! No, no, no! 104 00:06:57,370 --> 00:06:58,370 Hold the purse high! 105 00:06:59,050 --> 00:07:00,290 Look where he went! 106 00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:02,710 Why doesn't somebody help this girl? 107 00:07:08,270 --> 00:07:09,270 Get up. You look ridiculous. 108 00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,060 It takes me a minute to pack it. 109 00:07:59,340 --> 00:08:01,620 You're taking your dirty laundry to the Bahamas? 110 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,420 That's my clean stuff. 111 00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:05,940 Of course, Felix. 112 00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:09,960 He's out trying to explode per se. I feel so sorry for him. He's really 113 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:10,960 discouraged. 114 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:13,700 Was it raining out? 115 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,160 What happened, Felix? 116 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:17,840 Miriam, would you mind? 117 00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:22,230 Leaving me alone with Oscar for just a minute. Sure, I'll see you later. Have a 118 00:08:22,230 --> 00:08:24,530 nice trip, Oscar. All right, honey, I'll see you when I get back. Bye, Bob. 119 00:08:26,270 --> 00:08:27,270 Why'd you send her out? 120 00:08:28,490 --> 00:08:30,130 I didn't want her to see me fall apart. 121 00:08:31,770 --> 00:08:33,169 She thinks I'm macho. 122 00:08:34,770 --> 00:08:35,770 What happened? 123 00:08:37,010 --> 00:08:39,710 A vicious child splashed me. 124 00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:45,750 Oh, go off to the Bahamas. Go with your victory. I can see that. I can see that. 125 00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:48,050 Oh, come on, buddy. Now don't take it so hard. 126 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:51,200 Look, you're going to still see me off to the boat, aren't you? Yeah, sure. 127 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:53,620 We'll go through the park. 128 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,100 We'll watch the lovers holding hands. 129 00:08:58,420 --> 00:09:00,440 We'll see the tree, hear the bird. 130 00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:05,380 Oh, come on. All right, I'll change my clothes. We'll get a cab. No, we're 131 00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:07,800 to have to go by subway. The cabs are on strike. 132 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,520 Is there no end? 133 00:09:13,060 --> 00:09:14,080 Is there no end? 134 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,120 Could you see who it was? 135 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,100 Miriam's mother. 136 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,320 believe I'm starting a trip to the Bahamas on the IRT. 137 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,520 At least you're leaving. 138 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,920 I ride the subway every day of my life. I haven't been on a subway in five 139 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,640 years. Can't tell you how much we missed you. 140 00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:17,900 That man's got a big mouth. 141 00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:19,960 Don't talk to nuts on the subway. 142 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:22,640 Be happy. 143 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,920 Smile. You're going off on a wonderful trip. You're wearing your beautiful 144 00:10:32,110 --> 00:10:34,730 I envy you. I envy you. 145 00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:38,590 What are you, one of the glitter people? 146 00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:42,010 Where are we? 147 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,750 We seem to be in a tunnel. 148 00:10:58,990 --> 00:10:59,990 It's your shirt. 149 00:11:00,630 --> 00:11:02,270 You see the hostility? 150 00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:06,250 That's your typical New Yorker. You thought you saw hostility in the park? 151 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:07,550 till you see it here in the dark. No. 152 00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:11,950 No. You're wrong. Now you're really going to see something. I was right. 153 00:11:11,950 --> 00:11:16,690 see. Remember during the blackout? A crisis brings out the best in New 154 00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:17,970 It brings people closer together. 155 00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,910 If anybody gets closer to me, they'll lose their face. 156 00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:24,910 Just keep your mouth shut. 157 00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:28,130 The secret is... 158 00:11:28,490 --> 00:11:29,610 You get people involved. 159 00:11:29,970 --> 00:11:31,830 You ask them to help. Oh, will you? 160 00:11:32,930 --> 00:11:33,930 Staple! 161 00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:37,150 Anybody in this car got a flashlight? 162 00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:39,190 I don't hear anything. 163 00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:41,630 What? It's dark. They can't hear in the dark. 164 00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:44,070 Anybody in our car? 165 00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:45,570 Anybody got a flashlight? 166 00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:49,150 Yeah, and if anybody comes near me, I'll hit them over the head with it. 167 00:11:50,050 --> 00:11:51,230 She heard you pretty good. 168 00:11:51,490 --> 00:11:52,490 Would you turn it on, please? 169 00:11:52,690 --> 00:11:53,690 It's broken. 170 00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:56,730 Why do you carry it? To hit people over the head with it. 171 00:11:58,350 --> 00:11:59,350 It takes a little time. 172 00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:02,030 We've been able to restore partial power. 173 00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,710 However, the train will be stuck here indefinitely. 174 00:12:04,970 --> 00:12:05,970 Have a nice day. 175 00:12:07,170 --> 00:12:11,250 No, no, no. You're going to make it. And if I don't, it's not the Staten Island 176 00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:14,010 Ferry. They don't have one leaving every ten minutes. That is the wrong mood. 177 00:12:14,210 --> 00:12:15,270 Relax. Be friends. 178 00:12:17,910 --> 00:12:18,910 Hey, 179 00:12:19,070 --> 00:12:20,070 what am I, a library? 180 00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:23,170 Give me the paint, you semi -civil to the New Yorker. 181 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,240 I think we should all try to cooperate in a crisis. Don't you? I mean, after 182 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:45,340 all, that's what New Yorkers are famous for. Let's all see what we can do for 183 00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:49,060 each other. Well, I got some food. My wife and I were going on a picnic. 184 00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:52,380 You see? You see? Now, there's the right attitude. I'll bet there are a lot of 185 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,400 people here who are hungry. 186 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,140 Well, I got some apples here, a dollar a piece. 187 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,360 The sandwiches are four dollars. 188 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,680 And the coffee is 70 cents a cup. 189 00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:05,940 That's outrageous. 190 00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:07,240 It's expensive, Pete Al. 191 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:11,800 Individually wrapped. 192 00:13:12,060 --> 00:13:13,620 I can't believe this. I can't. 193 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:17,100 Listen, lady, you'll be begging for this food and then the prices will go up. 194 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,260 Listen, you've got a tuna fish salad. No, no, no. 195 00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:23,640 Don't encourage him. People, let's work together. Let's help each other. Felix. 196 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:24,760 Yes, sir. 197 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,580 How come you and your friend are the only ones sitting under the only fan 198 00:13:28,580 --> 00:13:29,580 operating? 199 00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:31,460 Good point. 200 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,900 Very good point. Tell you what. 201 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,860 We'll take turns sitting under the fan. You see, people are starting to 202 00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:38,900 cooperate. I want to take turns. Yes, yes. We'll all take turns. Just a 203 00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:40,020 Me first. 204 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,680 A little while, somebody else will sit on this thing. When I'm good and ready. 205 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:48,840 Fair enough. 206 00:13:50,020 --> 00:13:51,420 Claustrophobia. You got that? 207 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:59,680 No, I just hope I don't get it. What are you talking about, claustrophobia? 208 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,780 There's no need to panic if you want some fresh air. 209 00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:05,460 We'll get some fresh air. All you gotta do is... 210 00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:17,510 panic, no need. Just keep calm. Just keep calm, Oscar. 211 00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:22,790 Everybody, just be relaxed. Yeah, I think it's time for Harvey Hankey to 212 00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:25,570 out. Which Harvey Hankey? Don't you remember Harvey Hankey? Give me your 213 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:30,150 Saved many a dull party in the old fraternity house, that's right. When 214 00:14:30,150 --> 00:14:32,890 feel like panicking, you take out Harvey. The heck is that? 215 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:56,080 Say Oscar Madison. 216 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,200 Pencils all chewed. 217 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:31,800 Don't you have a better one? 218 00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:34,580 There we are. Thank you, thank you. Ah, we've got a pencil here. 219 00:16:34,980 --> 00:16:38,960 Well, no need to feel bored or restless on the subway. Plenty to keep you amused 220 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,100 around here if you just have your eyes open. 221 00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:41,880 Learn to draw. 222 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,200 Anybody want to draw? 223 00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:46,220 I got a $2 pencil. 224 00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:49,060 What'll I do with this pencil? 225 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:01,180 Oh, find employment through the New York Herald. 226 00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:04,920 Oh, isn't that clever how they abbreviate all the words just like in an 227 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,780 Incursions. Get a good job. 228 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,500 And a lot of people here would like to get a good job. 229 00:17:12,579 --> 00:17:14,140 Oscar, would you like a good job? 230 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:15,839 I could have shut you. 231 00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:23,079 Meet Miss Rapid Transit of the Month, 232 00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:27,079 Darlene Patelsky. Oh, she's a very good -looking girl, much better than last 233 00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,940 month. Boy, they touch these pictures up plenty, Elsa. 234 00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:36,100 You are? 235 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:38,980 Yeah. You're Arlene Petulski? Yeah. Oh, wow! 236 00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:44,140 We've got a celebrity in our car! Hey, this is Rapid Transit. Meet her. Hey, 237 00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:45,660 wouldn't you like to say something to her? 238 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,440 Wouldn't you like to go outside and kiss the third rail? 239 00:17:49,740 --> 00:17:53,320 Don't be shy. Ask her something. Well, how about getting this train moving? Me? 240 00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:57,220 Yeah. If you're such a big shot around here, let's see some action. What can I 241 00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:58,179 do? 242 00:17:58,180 --> 00:18:01,480 Sure, sure, Miss Rapid Transit. Probably the conductor's girlfriend. 243 00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:02,700 You said it, pal. 244 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,520 Sure, if I played footsie with the conductor, my picture would be up there, 245 00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:07,860 I don't know. 246 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,040 I am nobody's girlfriend. 247 00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:13,820 Then what are you doing tonight? Because I'm going to miss the cruise. 248 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,960 I know a person... Please, 249 00:18:17,140 --> 00:18:20,980 I'm only a model. This is my first time on a subway. 250 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:32,120 Some people are so crude. This is a job for Harvey Hankey. 251 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,440 Oh, it's worse. 252 00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:39,740 Why don't you and that rotten Hankey sit down and leave everybody alone? 253 00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:08,020 Eight dollars now. Eight dollars? Are you kidding? 254 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,320 Give me half. 255 00:19:09,780 --> 00:19:12,100 Nothing doing. I'm not cutting up my last sandwich. 256 00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:14,920 Who wants to go halfies on a liverwurst sandwich? 257 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,680 Chiseler. All right. 258 00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:17,940 Wait, 259 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,540 there's tax. In your ear, there's going to be tax. 260 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,659 Hey, there. 261 00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:24,200 How are you, fella? Huh? 262 00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:26,100 What's the matter? 263 00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:27,860 Something wrong with this dog? 264 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,580 He looks okay to me. 265 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,220 The dog looks okay to you. 266 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,260 Big dog. 267 00:19:40,340 --> 00:19:41,340 You're not blind. 268 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:46,940 Have you no shame? 269 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,980 All right, this is my brother's Bernie's dog. 270 00:19:51,380 --> 00:19:53,840 I always take him out when I need a few bucks. 271 00:19:56,540 --> 00:19:58,060 And it's right in here. 272 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,280 Thank you, buddy. 273 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,400 That's it. 274 00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:03,760 You're right. You win. 275 00:20:04,140 --> 00:20:06,040 The whole thing is impossible. 276 00:20:09,610 --> 00:20:10,890 There's something wrong with this dog. 277 00:20:11,350 --> 00:20:12,570 She's going to have puppies. 278 00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:15,450 Who are you, Marlon Perkins? 279 00:20:15,890 --> 00:20:18,650 We don't have to be an expert to know that she's about to give birth. 280 00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:20,390 And she's about ready. 281 00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:22,410 Can you do anything to help her? 282 00:20:23,730 --> 00:20:24,730 I don't know how. 283 00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:26,510 She don't know how from Ohio. 284 00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:29,050 Somebody's got to help her. My brother's a doctor. 285 00:20:29,350 --> 00:20:31,890 Is he on the train? No. Well, why are you wasting my time? 286 00:20:32,710 --> 00:20:33,770 How about Felix? 287 00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:35,170 How about him? 288 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,420 Well, he knew how to make a hanky talk. I figure he knows everything. 289 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,300 Yeah, hey, your friend Felix can help the door. 290 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:42,600 Why should he? 291 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,260 He's fed up and I don't blame him. 292 00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:48,080 Boy, you guys would take the spirit out of anybody. 293 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,220 You with your newspaper and your smart cracks. 294 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,120 You with your $8 sandwiches. 295 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:57,040 Yeah, phony blind guy selling up chewed up pencils for $2. 296 00:20:57,540 --> 00:21:00,660 Boy, you guys should have took it out of him. You know, he was the last loyal 297 00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:01,660 New Yorker left. 298 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,520 I'm going to tell you something. We're lucky if he doesn't move out of the city 299 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,520 forever. 300 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:10,980 We should help the dog. Come on. I don't know what to do. Maybe you can help 301 00:21:10,980 --> 00:21:11,980 him. 302 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,780 If you do know something about helping the dog, you should do it, you know. 303 00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,400 Dogs don't need any help. They know how to do it all by themselves. 304 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:20,760 They do? Of course. 305 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,840 Hey, I better tell them. They're really worried. No, no, no. Why not? 306 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,080 Now you're going to see a cliché exploded. 307 00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:30,060 Felix, listen. We've all been talking, and we're sorry. 308 00:21:30,410 --> 00:21:33,270 The guy with the newspapers will give you one. And the fellow with the 309 00:21:33,270 --> 00:21:35,910 can have anything he has. And you can even sit under the fan. 310 00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:40,750 But if you know anything about helping that dog, could you tell us how to do 311 00:21:42,330 --> 00:21:43,550 Well, let's take a little look. 312 00:21:44,610 --> 00:21:45,950 See what we ought to do here. 313 00:21:46,150 --> 00:21:47,230 Hey, here comes Peter. 314 00:21:47,430 --> 00:21:51,510 Okay, let's give the dog plenty of air. Lie down, sweetheart, lie down. I tell 315 00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:52,890 you, we need newspapers. 316 00:21:53,350 --> 00:21:57,870 We'll spread newspapers on the floor. That's right. Now, next thing we need, 317 00:21:57,870 --> 00:21:58,870 need hot water. 318 00:21:58,940 --> 00:22:03,220 Who's got hot water? I do. I was saving it for tea. But I'll take the loss. 319 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:05,760 Good. Good. Great. Can I help? 320 00:22:06,580 --> 00:22:08,740 Yes. We need bed sheet. 321 00:22:09,820 --> 00:22:11,880 Where am I going to find bed sheets on a subway? 322 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:13,240 Good. 323 00:22:13,460 --> 00:22:14,259 Men's shirts. 324 00:22:14,260 --> 00:22:16,880 All the men. Give me your shirts. Yes. Not you. You don't have to do this. 325 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:22,400 Now, you fan the dog with your shirts. Give her plenty of air. And just be 326 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:23,600 patient. Don't get her excited. 327 00:22:23,860 --> 00:22:26,420 You see what I'm talking about? 328 00:22:26,730 --> 00:22:31,090 That gruffness, that just a pose, that just a mask. This is the real New 329 00:22:31,090 --> 00:22:33,810 This is what people come from out of town to meet and to love. 330 00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:41,490 You sure fooled me, I'm telling you. I'm going to write an article about this 331 00:22:41,490 --> 00:22:43,150 situation. It's going to make you very happy. 332 00:22:44,070 --> 00:22:48,550 You're going to apologize to New York, huh? I apologize to New York. And I 333 00:22:48,550 --> 00:22:49,550 you owe me an apology. 334 00:22:49,750 --> 00:22:51,610 I apologize, Felix Unger. 335 00:23:22,030 --> 00:23:25,250 We'll be next week. Don't forget we're having lunch soon. 336 00:23:25,490 --> 00:23:26,490 Bye -bye. 337 00:23:27,090 --> 00:23:30,310 Be careful now. Don't get her excited. 338 00:23:30,550 --> 00:23:32,130 They're very, very protective now. 339 00:23:32,910 --> 00:23:36,710 Please transfer to the opposite platform. 340 00:23:37,510 --> 00:23:40,190 This train is going to the railroad yard for repairs. 341 00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:43,030 You'll take your cruise ticket back and you'll get a refund. 342 00:23:43,250 --> 00:23:47,750 And then you'll spend your vacation in the most popular vacation spot on Earth. 343 00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:48,829 Where's that? 344 00:23:48,830 --> 00:23:51,150 New York City. I live in New York City. 345 00:23:51,770 --> 00:23:53,270 You ever been to the top of the Empire State Building? 346 00:23:53,570 --> 00:23:55,350 No. You ever seen the Statue of Liberty? 347 00:23:55,830 --> 00:23:57,710 No. You're a typical New Yorker. 348 00:23:57,930 --> 00:24:01,270 You'll take the bus to Orchard Beach, you'll put on your army shoes, you'll 349 00:24:01,270 --> 00:24:02,270 in the sand. 350 00:24:09,210 --> 00:24:11,230 And you'll see what a railroad yard looks like. 351 00:24:24,590 --> 00:24:25,489 You know what today is? 352 00:24:25,490 --> 00:24:26,830 Thursday. Uh -uh. 353 00:24:27,030 --> 00:24:28,030 Guess again. 354 00:24:28,630 --> 00:24:31,970 Why? It's a very important anniversary. 355 00:24:32,650 --> 00:24:35,710 Oh, yes. Belmont Racetrack's 40th year. 356 00:24:37,410 --> 00:24:38,410 Wrong. 357 00:24:38,750 --> 00:24:40,470 Absolutely dead wrong. 358 00:24:40,670 --> 00:24:44,830 Why? It is eight weeks to the day that we were trapped in the subway. 359 00:24:45,370 --> 00:24:48,070 So? I brought you a little memento. 360 00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:07,020 Subway spelled backwards. 29195

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