All language subtitles for the_odd_couple_s05e05

Oscar?

Oscar, come on.

Oscar?

Hey, come back here. Come here, come
here, come here.

You're gonna love Oscar.

Funny guy. Wait till you see him. And
wait till you see his room.

Only don't bury anything in there.
You'll never find it. But if you get

you can look under his pillow. You're
sure to find food. We'll get you

something. Come on, come here.

You slept on the floor.

I got blamed for the mess, I'm sure,
right?

Felix!

Oscar? Yeah?

Oscar, listen.

Remember, when I first moved in, you
wanted to get a dog?

Yes. Yeah, and I didn't want to have
one? Yeah, you said living with one

was enough. Yeah, I changed my mind.

What is this?

Oh, my... What is...

Does he recognize him? Why, is he a
relative or something?

This is the most famous dog in the
world.

This is Silver, the Wonder Dog.

This is the dog that's starting the
picture I'll bought tomorrow?

Movies, TV, series, commercials. This
dog could buy and sell you. Oh, I

recognize him now. What's he doing here,
good dog?

Well, listen.

Today, I had a job to take his portrait.

What you doing there, good dog? You're a
good dog. Oscar? Yeah?

I stole the dog.

What dog?

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a
live audience.

I always knew you were crazy, but now
I'm ready to sign the commitment papers.

You don't understand.

That's right, I don't understand. If
you'd listen to me, I'll tell you what

happened. I just went to the studio to
take his picture.

Well, you know me, Mr. Mind, my own
business.

Okay, younger.

Let's get to it. Hello, Mr. Hugo. Oh,
my, what a beautiful dog. Hiya, fella.

Never speak directly to the dog. He's
only supposed to respond to me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You know what we want. This is for
silver doggy shampoo.

So get the highlights in the hair. Well,
no trouble with that, Cody.

It glistens.

That's the kerosene we rub in.

You rub kerosene in?

Doesn't that irritate his skin?

He's used to it.

Now, let's get started. We've got a busy
day.

After you, we have a Silver Child dog
food commercial, and then a ribbon

ceremony in Newark.

Dog looks tired.

We flew in from Australia this morning.

Oh, poor fellow. Why don't we take a
little rest?

He'll get a rest later.

Come here!

as him.

I brought along some dog biscuits. Put
them away.

I told you we're doing a dog food
commercial later.

We're not feeding him until then.

We want him to tear into that food so
it'll look like he really likes it.

First, I'm only a photographer, but when
did you last feed this dog?

Well, you stick to your camera or I'll
get somebody else.

Wish I had a plate for you.

I know we should be there by now, but we
just finished a photo session that took

forever.

Yes? Huh?

All right.

Fine.

You know we need those photos first
thing in the morning. You'll have them.

You'll have them.

Mr. Hugo.

Norm says it's all set for the Alabama
-Nebraska football game on Saturday.

Good. Call Harry and tell him I'm
counting on a lot of publicity.

Nobody's ever dropped a dog out of a
plane during halftime before.

Oh, and tell him to make sure that they
have a red, white, and blue parachute.

People will love it.

Yes, Mr. Hugo.

You're going to drop silver out of an
airplane?

My idea.

And they're paying 20 for it.

Isn't that dangerous? A dog doesn't know
how to use a parachute.

You pull the cord for him? No. No, the
parachute opens automatically.

It's foolproof.

Well, how do you get them to jump out of
the plane? You toss the stick out over

Alabama and say, fetch?

I don't want to continue this
conversation.

Remember, first thing in the morning
with those proofs.

I'd like to be your trainer, Unger.

Silver, come.

Edna, come.

I don't blame you for not coming.

I'm afraid of flying, too, even first.
class.

Wish you were my dog.

There's nothing I can do about it.

Oh,

fella.

Oh, gee whiz.

Look, I tell you, if you followed me out
and just happened to get into my cab...

Be all right, will you?

What do you say?

Well, look, what do you know? You're out
here in the hall.

And that's the way it happened.

You stole the dog.

Haven't you listened to one word I've
said?

I told you how they treated this poor
animal. What choice did I have? You

have minded your own business.

If only they could put you in prison.
You want to be known as the Dog Man of

Alcatraz?

Ridiculous. Get that dog out of here.
No. Felix, get that dog out of here or

going to call the police.

You'd squeal on me, Swell Felix?

Listen, Swell Felix, maybe you don't
realize what you have done. By bringing

that dog home, you have made me an
accomplice to a crime. I could go to

I am willing to take that risk.

Look at this beautiful dog. No, you
don't understand. Beautiful and stolen

go together. Prison and stolen, they go
together.

Now, that's it, Felix. I want to have
nothing to do with it. All right.

Let it be on your head.

It would be on my head.

If anything happens to that dog Saturday
at halftime, if he lands in a tuba, let

it be on your head.

I'm not the one who's pushing him out of
the airplane. I just want to push him

out of his apartment, that's all.

Isn't it all right if I feed him before
you just throw him out into the street?

Fifteen minutes, feed the dog.

Fifteen minutes. I'm going to be burned
this time. I'm a kid.

I've had it.

Fifteen minutes and out goes the dog.
That's it. Fifteen minutes, boy.

Fifteen minutes.

You got a half hour. Okay.

It's going to be delicious.

I love this.

There you go.

I hope he's a fast eater.

Don't listen to Oscar Legree. Eat slowly
and chew your food.

Don't answer. No, no. Be calm.

Who is it?

It's Mr. Hugo.

Why are you making such a face? Who's
Mr. Hugo?

That's Silver's trainer.

I'm going to let him in. You tell him
that the dog followed you home. No, no,

no.

Mr.

Hugo, come in.

Oh, I want you to meet my roommate,
Oscar Maddox. This isn't a social visit.

Silver has run away.

Run away?

No.

him with him, Unger.

You didn't leave that door open, did
you? No, no, no. No, I closed that door.

Dumb dog.

This isn't the first time he's run away.

I've had to hunt him down and drag him
back three times.

But when I find him this time, I'll...
Teach him a little respect with that

dick, huh? It's the only thing he
understands.

How about the muzzle? He must be
punished.

My father used to do that to me.

Well, I better keep looking.

I've wasted enough time, and I'd better
get the cops on this ungrateful dog.

Elevator, stay!

Somebody ought to put a muzzle on him.

Bless you, Oscar. Beneath that gruff
exterior beats the heart of a... I'm a

patsy, I know. But Monday afternoon, it
goes. After the jump, it goes. Now, you

go or no, you go. That's all I ask.

Murray in the hall.

Did he see the doorbell?

He came in. I hid Silver in the kitchen.
Then he said he wanted a drink of

water. So I told him we had a busted
water pipe.

That's why I went down to the basement.
He's going to fix our pipes.

You see how smart he is?

He knows he has to go out. Yeah, he's
got to go out or else the PVC can't.

Everybody's looking for him.

Younger mind at work. Come here, Silver.

You've got to decide.

Come here.

I gotta go home. I couldn't find the
busted pipe.

But I'll be back tomorrow.

Hey, I didn't know you guys bought a
beagle. That's nice.

And what Hollywood hero with the initial
S has a bone to pick with his manager?

The wicked whisper is that the
international personality has been

But in this reporter's opinion, the star
willingly took off in a ruff.

The well -known manager claims foul
play, but this reporter knows that this

not the first time the pair hasn't seen
eye to eye.

This is Rona Barrett in Hollywood.

Well, Oscar, you missed the halftime
activities.

They didn't have silver, so they dropped
a goat down on the field.

He landed on the 50 -yard line and then
turned around and ate his parachute.

And I missed it?

Well, you're safe.

Now, fellas... Good, now we can take him
back, okay?

Oh, please.

One more day. No, no, don't make it more
difficult. We made a promise to each

other, right? That we were going to
stick to the bargain.

I don't know when we'll see each other
again, Silver.

Sure.

In a couple of weeks, you would have
gotten on your nerves anyway.

Anonymous phone call to the police.
We'll tell them where he is, okay?

Hi, fellas.

Just hold it a second.

Mr. Hugo?

That's my dog.

That's him.

I had a hunch about you guys, and I was
right.

Silver, come.

Officer, do your duty.

Sorry, fellas, but you're under arrest.

Now, come on down with me to the
station.

Come on.

You sure had me fooled.

I thought it was a beagle.

All rise.

Judge McCormick presiding.

This court is now in session.

The state versus Madison and Unger.

Is the prosecution ready?

Yes, Your Honor.

Is the defense ready?

Your Honor, my client, Mr. Madison, and
I are ready.

Who is defending Mr. Unger?

If it please the court.

I will serve as my own attorney.

Will the defendants please rise?

Rising?

You are charged with grand theft.

Mr. Madison, how do you plead? Guilty,
Your Honor.

I ain't going to plead. It's all
arranged. I'll be a fine amount of it.

that's it. Plea bargaining.

Mr. Unger, how do you plead that the
charge is against you? I plead

innocence.

Does that mean not guilty?

Do bees buzz?

Yes, not guilty.

Your Honor, my client will accept a
sentence now. I object, Your Honor.

Any penalty visited upon my co
-defendant at this time will only serve

increase the seeming culpability of my
client, Felix Unger.

I ask the sentencing be delayed till
after my trial.

Denied.

Did you say denied?

Do bees buzz?

It's a hanging judge.

Mr. Madison, you will pay a fine of
$300.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Chicken.

Prosecution will begin its case against
Mr. Unger.

To begin my case, I would like the court
to meet the subject in question.

Silver the Wonder Dog.

Oh, look at that nice doggy. This

beautiful animal who never hurt anybody.

but brought joy to millions of people
all over the world, was brazenly stolen

from his home and held prisoner by this
man.

And tell me, Mr. Hugo, is the man who
stole your dog in this courtroom now?

the gentleman sitting right there.

That's all.

Stronger. Cross -examine.

Cross -examine!

I'd rather think not, Your Honor, though
I reserve the right to recall the

witness.

But the kitchen rests.

The defense calls.

As a surprise witness, Oscar Madison.

You'll be my character witness, boy.
We're going to have fun up here. You'll

help me.

Didn't expect that one, did you?

Lined you with my footwork, huh?

A lot more surprises than this package,
buddy.

Mr. Madison.

You are employed as a sports writer, is
that not correct?

Yes.

Would you say that you are well paid?

I would say that. You would.

How much of your salary do you spend
on...

Gambling.

A small percentage.

A small percentile. Would you say 10 to
20 percent? I might say that. 25 to 30

percent? Maybe 40 to 50 percent?

60 percent?

As a matter of fact, you spend 61
percent of your salary on gambling.

Something like that. Exactly like that.

Mr. Madison.

Are you married?

I'm divorced.

I don't wonder.

Tell me, how far behind are you in your
alimony payments?

A few weeks. Speak up so the whole jury
can hear you. Would you hazard a guess

as to how many weeks?

47. 47 weeks!

For almost a year, this man has
neglected his ex -wife to squander a

part of a very excellent paycheck on
gambling.

Yet this divorced gambler, this man who
in this very court

pled guilty to major theft, this
convicted felon held

compassion for silver.

I apologize to the court for parading a
person like this before us.

Witness dismissed, you mace.

Blink away.

No further questions?

I would like to recall to the stand, Mr.
Hugo.

You've seen my rattle. Now I'm going to
show you my death.

a few questions, Mr. Hugo.

Tell me, what do you do for a living?

I'm the owner, trainer, manager, and
agent for Silver, the Wonder Dog. Ah -ha

-ha.

And, uh, do you like animals?

I love this one. You love this one.
That's very interesting.

Very interesting indeed, Mr. Hugo.

Hmm.

Uh, stronger, that's mine.

Is it not true that you poke and hurt
this animal, that you hit him to make

do his tricks?

Of course it's true.

You admit it.

Any top animal trainer will tell you
it's necessary.

In his last picture, Silver had to run
into a forest fire and rescue a

dressed as Dean Jones.

Would you do that if I didn't hit you?

Mr. Hugo, when I was a lad, yea high, I
had a pup.

And pup!

Spelled backwards, it's still pup.

But dog spelled backwards.

I suggest you think that over, Mr. Hugo.

Mr. Unger, would you approach the bench,
please?

If you don't get to the point, I'm going
to smash your fingers.

It would. It would.

Mr. Hugo, have you ever considered that
perhaps Silver would be happier

without all this glamour and success and
tinsel?

More content as an ordinary dog?

Then he wouldn't be Silver. And he loves
being Silver. The great international

star. The wonder dog.

Oh, really?

Really? How very interesting.

Hmm.

Well, Mr. Hugo.

That you were kicked out of your high
school dramatic society for

Well, I don't see... That in your only
college production you were booed off

stage on your entrance?

Well, I... That you were the
laughingstock of summer stock?

Oh, I don't see the relative relevance
in any of this. I'll show you the

relevance! You always wanted to be an
actor, didn't you?

Well, yes, but... But you couldn't cut
it.

So you live vicariously through the dog.

You wish you could run into that fire
and save Dean Jones, but you can't! And

why? Because you can't act.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, it's true.

I always wanted to be an actor. I mean,
I love

acting. I mean, silver keeps me close to
show business.

But I never meant any harm.

May I ask the court to show leniency to
this man?

Why not?

He's not on trial. You are.

Then may I ask the court to show
leniency to me?

Miss poor lady, have you reached a
verdict?

We have, your honor.

And how do you find? We find the
defendant, Felix Unger, guilty as

Now I know how Dreyfus felt.

Mr. Unger, you've been found guilty, and
rightly so.

This crime was inexcusable, as was your
nutsy behavior in this court.

However, I know you were motivated by
love for this animal and your intentions

were essentially harmless.

Therefore, it is the decision of this
court that you should see the bailiff

pay a fine of one dollar.

Mr. Hugo, I hope you will heed what has
been said here and that you will be

better to this wonderful doggy.

And Mr.

Unger, I hope you stay out of the law
business. Court is yours.

Mr. Unger, I want to thank you.

I now know what I have to do.

I'm going to give Silver a long
vacation, and I'm going back to acting

Thank you. Oh, and I won't be needing
this.

Thank you.

Goodbye, Silver.

Silver, come.

What?

Everybody's happy.

He fines you a dollar?

I don't understand it. A man steals a
dog, he brings him home to my apartment.

spend a night in jail. I have to sleep
on a pair of wino shoes.

I pay a lawyer and I gotta pay a $300
fine.

I am humiliated in court. I have a
criminal record.

And you ask me if I'm happy?

Why, sir?

Never mind being sorry. Let me do $300.

No, I can't do that.

Why not?

How would you ever learn a lesson?