All language subtitles for the_odd_couple_s04e10

Not here, huh?

No. Setting the table?

Good, good.

Excited?

I've had champagne before.

Yeah? And have you had Bobby Riggs for
dinner before?

Forgive me, but to me, he's just not the
greatest thing since Turan Bay.

Well, I feel the people mob him wherever
he goes.

That's right, Felix.

I know some women's livers who'd love to
get their hands on him.

Don't you really like the public image
he presents?

How's that?

Obnoxious. Oh, come on. He's a pussycat.
What do you mean the article I'm

writing about? He's really got a great
sense of humor.

He left a note in my office tonight.
Listen to this. At 7 o 'clock tonight,

Bobby Riggs will kiss you on the mouth
and you'll enjoy it. I bet you $20.

Who is it? Bobby Riggs.

Is the bet still on?

Yes.

My name is Roberta Riggs, but my friends
call me Bobby.

The man paid me $10 to do this.

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a
live audience.

Pleasure to meet you, Felix.

And also a member of the weaker sex.

Weaker sex?

Isn't that just your opinion, Mr. Riggs?
No.

It's a proven fact. All through history,
men have been superior.

Right? Right. Bobby says a woman is good
for cooking in the kitchen, cleaning in

the living room, and fooling around in
the bedroom.

Sweetheart, don't take that seriously.
We're not all like that.

Tell him about the time you beat that
lady golf champ.

Just what are you trying to prove, Mr.
Riggs?

Simply this.

That any man can beat any woman at
anything, anywhere, anytime.

Just like your match with Billie Jean
King?

What match?

I don't remember any match.

No, he told me that was a fluke.
Somebody hit his vitamin pill.

could have beaten you that day. Miriam,
he's a guest.

Miriam, baby, you want to challenge me?
I'll beat you at anything you want. What

do you say, baby?

First off, don't call me baby.

Secondly, I want you to know that I
think that you're the most arrogant,

egocentric male chauvinist that I have
ever had the displeasure of meeting.

Thank you.

Lose her number.

Come on, let's celebrate.

I'm sorry. I don't feel like celebrating
the arrival of Mr. Riggs. Come on,

Felix. Mr. Riggs, I think you owe Miriam
an apology. What for?

I think you lost him, Bobby.

He wanted to sign you up as a charter
member of his new club.

What's that?

Well, it's a new organization he's
forming to celebrate his manhood. It's

the Male Chauvinists of America.

Otherwise known as Riggs Pigs.

I think I have a headache. I'm going to
go home.

Mr. Riggs, I don't have to join a club
to celebrate my manhood.

You want me to go with you, sir? No, I
don't.

Phoenix! She says she has a headache.
You'll just be wasting your time. You're

never going to go to join your club now?

Not only will I not join your club, but
I will do everything in my power to

oppose it, sir.

Until you apologize to every woman in
America, and particularly to Miss Welby.

Fat chance.

Good night, sir.

And good night to you, sir.

In five minutes, turn the oven down to
320.

Boy, Oscar, what a great dinner.

Terrific roast.

Felix, man, he's a great cook. That's
what I've been telling you all along,

men even make better cooks.

But what I can't understand is, how did
you ever wind up with a character like

that Felix as a roommate?

Oh, he's not such a bad guy. Hey, how
about giving me a chance to get my $20

back? What $20? You know, Roberta Riggs
at the door when you came in, that

stuff. Oh. Here, Oscar, that was just a
gag. Take it. I can't do that. I got a

better idea. Why don't we cut my high
card, okay? See who wins.

Last little time, okay?

I don't know. Oh, I'm very good at this
game. I'll show you. Look at this.

Watch. Seven for me, three for you.

Eight for me, four for you. See, I win
all the time. Okay.

Double or nothing. Let's go.

Run it out.

I'll go first.

Eight.

Ten. Just nip me at the white. You got
lucky that time, didn't you?

Okay, it's $40.

Here we go.

there, buddy.

Eight.

You're lucky you nipped me twice. You go
first. Go ahead.

Three.

Got you this time tonight.

With a two.

That's 160 students in a minute, will
you?

Think for me?

Four family.

get this straight. Now, the handicap is
you got to get five in a row in the

wastebasket. I got to get one out of
five, right? That's right.

That's it. You get five and I get one
and I still win, right? Five in a row

you, one for me. Go, buddy.

Uh, one out of five for me, right? I
win. That's right.

It's not so hard. No.

Hang on a sec, okay?

You don't have to be laughing about it,
will you? Wait, give me a shot.

One time.

Give me a break.

Will you stop, will you?

One more I got.

Hey, look at this.

Okay, this one is for the club chair,
the two candlesticks, and the car.

In there.

Are you sick?

Huh?

You got a fever?

Time is up.

98 .6.

98 .8.

You lose.

I'm going to go take a shower.

Hustling tires a man.

You've been gambling with him all night
long?

Yeah. How much have you lost so far?

Everything.

When you say everything, what do you
mean by everything?

When I say everything, I mean
everything, Felix.

Oh, Oscar, how could you, a
knowledgeable newspaper man, be hustled

notorious hustler?

It wasn't a hustle. I just lost.

What do you know about hustling all of a
sudden? I know. I own a pair of pants

and a shirt. You're the guy standing
here in his underwear.

about yourself. All I care about is he
gives me a chance to get even. I want

this cabinet to stop and I want him out
of here.

Well, he's not leaving, Felix.

How come?

I thought I heard him leaving in the
middle of the night.

Well, he did.

Well, what's he doing back here?

He just went to the hotel to get his
stuff.

You invited him to stay here?

Well, I mean, not exactly.

Well, tell him to leave.

I can't.

Why can't you?

It's his apartment now.

Wish me luck.

Where are you going?

I'm on my way to a grudge match.

Who are you going to play with?

Twin grandmothers. I'm playing them for
their piano.

He's not a bad guy.

He promised he wouldn't raise the rent.

Now, if you need anything while I'm out,
bet somebody for it.

Bobby Riggs.

Hi.

Don't worry. Of course it's still on.

I'll be there. Just make certain that
she's there.

No, I haven't boxed in 20 years. But
I'll get down to the gym. I'll work out.

Don't worry about me. I'll kill her.

By the way, does she cut easy?

box a woman?

And it's absolutely reprehensible.

It won't be easy.

I've given away 20 pounds. Well, that's
perfectly fair, of course.

I'd like to talk to you privately, if I
may. Sit down.

Thank you.

This is about Oscar Madison.

You claim he's your friend, but you've
capitalized on his weakness for

and you've hustled him out of everything
he owns and everything he will own for

the next five years.

Oh, feelings.

I didn't hustle, Oscar. He just ran into
a series of bad breaks. Oh, come on.

Those were sucker bets, and you know it.
It was a clear case of him being the

sucker and you the sucky.

Now, I'm asking you like a threat.

Help him. I'd be glad to do anything for
Oscar. I love him.

Look, even though I want his office, I
let him work out of here.

It's very generous of you.

And if you mean it... You'd let him get
even. You'd bet him on something that he

could win.

Have you got any suggestions?

Well, something that he's... He's a good
writer.

That's it.

I'll bet him that he can't type his own
name right in ten seconds. Would you do

that? Felix, you can count on me. Oh,
thank you. You'll see, you'll love doing

something decent for a change.

James, would you like to have a chance
to get even?

I've never been even in my whole life.

You mean I can win everything back?

Yes. I got nothing to bet with.

Tell you what, I'll bet you for Felix.

Bet Felix?

Yeah, you know, he does the washing, the
cooking, takes care of stuff, you know.

Oh, Bobby, you'll like Felix.

You know, it's not a bad idea.

I don't have to tell him if I lose.

He does that stuff anyway.

What's the bet?

I'm going to make it easy for you. What?
I'm going to bet you that you can't

type your name right in ten seconds.

What'd you do? You mucking around with
the keys? You rearranged the letters?

no, no. Just psychological pressure.

But that's no psychological pressure.
I've been writing my name on my column

ten years. What do you think, Murray?

Well, if you don't crack, you'll be
great.

Just Oscar Madison, right?

Right. You got yourself a bet.

Now, no tricks, right?

No tricks. I type my name in ten
seconds, I get everything back, right?

Right. Okay, buddy, you got it.

Oscar Madison. Let me try.

Want to increase the bet? Make it for
something more interesting?

I'm already betting a human being.

Can't I make it more interesting?

Poor Felix.

Marie. Okay, Oscar Madison, that's it.

For the whole bundle, let's go. Ready?
Yeah. Go.

One, two, three. Here we go.

Three, seven seconds. Here we go.

Oscar Madison.

Hey,

if you had been Chinese, you'd have won.

I haven't made a mistake like that.

Well, you see the last letter? You typed
a Y instead of an A. I know what I did.

Oscar, I'm going to give you another
chance. Go ahead. You will? Oh, isn't he

nice guy?

Here we go. Ready?

All right.

Go. Go.

One, two, three.

Okay. There we go. Seven seconds. And
there it is. Oscar Madison.

Shoes shine, laundry to take in, pick up
suits, call for a dental appointment,

and don't forget to pick up the
grandmother's piano.

In 1776, Thomas Jefferson signed the
Declaration of Independence.

In 1863, Abraham Lincoln signed the
Emancipation Proclamation.

But in 1973,

American history was rewritten by Oscar
Madison, who cast his best friend

into slavery.

Well, if you think I'm going along with
this, you're crazy.

Hungers have always been free.

Let's go along with it a little bit.
Otherwise, I'll be known as a welser all

over town.

Believe me, I'll win you back.

No, you won't. You'll lose double or
nothing, and I'll have to bring in my

brother from Buffalo.

I'll win myself back.

Ah, what are you going to do? Challenge
him to a floor waxing contest?

There's plenty I can do better than Mr.
Riggs. What can you do that he can't do

better?

I bet I can hold a note longer.

Help me celebrate my victory. Buy me a
drink. No, I can't. I really got to

finish this column.

Oh, you poor guy.

Look at him.

Bob Cratchit.

Briggs.

I've had my eye on you.

I think you're a sporting man. I'd like
to make your proposition. I accept.

I want to win back everything Oscar's
lost. I don't want to lose this spot.

end up typing on paper towels.

What do you say, Riggs?

What would you put up?

You name it, boy.

Uncle Bobby wants you.

If I win, you become a charter member of
Riggs Pig.

Name your game, sport.

Ping pong.

Ping pong?

That's my game. I'll play both of you at
the same time. He'll play both of us at

the same time. I give you 12 points. 12
points? That's nothing. He's a champ.

All right, make it 19 points. 19 points.

21's the game. You got yourself a deal,
sport.

Felix, are you out of your mind? What
did you just do?

What did I do?

I hustled him, baby.

Say, where's Felix?

I don't know. He's supposed to meet me
here.

That's him.

You think he chickened out? Gather
round, everybody.

Come on.

I've been practicing for half an hour.

Practicing is secondary.

I've been preparing psychological
pressure.

It's in a box.

Pressure, my boy.

Pressure. We're going to psych him out.

The professionals have tried to psych
him out and failed.

But they don't have the crazy anger
mind.

I've thought of things that nobody else
will think about. You know what he's

going to see the first time he looks at
me?

Billy.

Yes.

Isn't that great? That's good.

He's going to psych him out. And then
when he looks at you, he's going to be

doubly psyched out. You know what?

You're trying to psych me out. Come on.
Be sensible. Be reasonable.

Come on.

All right.

You be Billie Jean King and I'll wear
the two hats. All right.

How's it look?

Does it look realistic? Like Siamese
strangers.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, the old double head bit.

And Billie Jean King cut up.

Oh.

All right. Mr. Rick will serve.

The score is...

Felix at Oscar 19, Bobby nothing.

Gee, that was fast.

Oh, it's a handicap.

All right.

Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Ready,
ready. Hold it, hold it, hold it. What's

the matter?

Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Come on.
You want this side of the table?

No, I don't care.

You can have this side if you want.
Let's do it right. The difference will

rotten on both sides of the table.

Keep arguing. That'll distract him. Oh,
come on. Wait a minute. Felix, will you

play the game? Yes.

Sir,

are you ready?

Yes.

Okay.

with some neophyte. The score is nothing
to 20 in favor of Unger Madison.

Serve, Mr. Riggs.

Okay, ready? Ready.

That's it.

Use the mic. Back end. Point.

Double C. When it comes on the side,
you've got to hit it.

Technicalities. You hear that?

The score is 1 to 20. Serve, Mr. Riggs.
Okay.

You fellas ready? Yeah.

Puritans.

waiting a long time to get you, I
finally did. Welcome as a charter member

Riggs Pig.

Felix, I know in your heart you're not
big.

Don't feel bad, Mr. Unger. You've got a
good head on your shoulders.

Ah, you did the best you could.

Here's your reward for being a good
umpire, honey.

Gee, what a funny little nose.

Let's play again. I'm hot. Can't.
Somebody else has got the room booked.

it? I'm hot tonight.

I'll play anybody.

Oh, forget it.

Hi, Billie Jean. Long time no see.

Who'd you hustle today?

Well, at least you're smarter now.
You're like...

How about a game of ping pong?

How much?

50 cents.

Big spender.

Winner take all.

Right. Here we go.

Okay.

Thank you.

a great dinner. I've really enjoyed
visiting with you guys. We enjoyed you.

Listen, we haven't had a chance to get
even yet. I'll bet you everything you

want from Oscar that within five seconds
that door will open, Jack Kramer will

walk in, kiss you on the mouth, and
you'll love it. You've got to bet.

My name is Jacqueline Kramer, but my
friends call me Jackie.

You win.

You hustle me, baby.

Come on, I'll give you a tennis lesson.

For ten bucks, she'll say she's anybody.