All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s10e07_petty_woman

I don't think we should go.

I don't see how we can, but wouldn't it
be great if we could? Yes, but we can't.

We can't, right? End of story.

I don't think we should go.

I don't see how we can.

Hey, guess where I'm going Saturday
night wearing my slinky dress and my way

expensive Italian shoes?

Hmm, let me take a stab at this.

Athena Killington's party?

Yeah, you were invited, too? That's
great. I hear everyone's going to be

Madeline Albright, the Council of
Economic Advisors, the young kids from

You can't tell Corky. Oh, yes, I can. I
already RSVP'd. Corky, imagine how

Murphy would feel. You know what she
thinks of Athena? They haven't spoken in

years. Great.

Then Athena won't tell Murphy I was at
her party.

Oh, yeah, and how are you going to hide
it from her?

Athena is the grand dame of Washington's
society. She throws a party and ends up

in the news.

Oh, Murphy will understand.

Now that I'm getting a divorce, she's
always telling me to get out and get

I'm done with my life.

I don't want to let her down.

Don't you see?

I'm doing this for her.

All right, I'm reaching.

But I bought a handbag, too.

Eleven flights of stairs! Yes!

I can honestly say I'll never do that
again.

Frank, I see you got invited to Athena
Killington's party, too. We all got

invited. Oh, great. So someone can be my
designated driver.

Do me a favor. Keep me away from Janet.
Gets me weepy.

We're not going.

Why not?

Out of respect for Murphy.

She and Athena have been at each other's
throats for the last 20 years.

Everything about her rubs Murphy the
wrong way. Her social climbing, her

politics, her millionaire husband.

Murphy did an expose on him. She called
him an apprentice to the village idiot.

After that, during the Reagan
administration, Athena pulled some

Murphy audited.

Eight years in a row.

Basically, it's been downhill ever
since.

Obscene skywriting, drug -sniffing dogs,
unnecessary emergency surgery. You

know, that kind of hijacking.

Well, I respect your allegiance to
Murphy. In fact, I applaud it.

But don't try to reach me on Sunday.

The last time I went to a big party, I
woke up in a blouse factory in Malaysia.

Hey, guys.

Ever take a good look at Dougie down at
the newsstand? Looks like his teeth have

been chewed by weevils.

But I like him. He can't tell the
difference between American and Canadian

money.

We just want you to know that we've
decided not to go. Go where? I haven't

decided not to go. Not go where? I'm
going. Going where?

We're not killing pen parties.

Some of us are determined to show
support.

Not to go. See?

This? Not.

Go away.

Fine, but don't not go on account of me.

Although I don't know why anybody would
want to eat shellfish at a party thrown

by the geisha girl of the conservative
movement and her husband Elmer Fudd.

But if you want to go, go.

I know she said go, but did she mean go?
You see, this is the trouble I have

understanding women. Oh, sure. And we're
the ones from Mars.

Well, well, look at this. I'm invited
to.

Oh,

and look what we're celebrating, the
publication of her new book, Who's

of the Big Five -O, A Woman's Guide to
Her Middle Ages. Yeah, middle ages.

That's just what she'd have this country
revert to if she had her way. Okay, so

shall we just check up on her? If it's
at the door, we go. We have a great

Well, I'm not going. How stupid does she
think I am? This is obviously a trick.

I go to her party, and the next thing I
know, I've got a burlap bag over my

head. I'm in the trunk of a car, and I
wind up in Hershey, Pennsylvania, being

sold into a white chocolate. It's
slavery.

What do you think that means? Oh, Frank,
it's definitely a no.

I would have seen her invite me to her
party.

Why now?

I know why she's inviting me. Because
I've got cancer. It's a pity invite.

Oh, come on, Murph.

low, even for her. I mean, I know you
two don't get along, but she wouldn't

think to that level. Oh, yes, she would.

She's so low, she's down there with the
Titanic and those fish with the big

eyes.

Forget it. She's not parading me around
like some cancer ornament.

I'm not going.

But you guys can go if you want.

Did you see today's post?

Your name in the crossword. Quite an
honor.

Yep. 37 down. At least the clue wasn't
loudmouth newswoman like it was in TV

Guide.

Pugnacious news gal. That's more like
the post.

Did I ever tell you the story about me
and Eddie Gillette in Korea?

Yeah. Porkchop Hill, shower shoes, foot
fungus, stinky latrines. Where's the

moral again?

Let bygones be bygones? No, no, Jim.
Last time it was, a watched pot never

boils. Well, it's a parable. It's open
to interpretation.

The point is, this feud between you and
Athena has gone on long enough.

Jim, I don't want her to make a
spectacle of me so that people are going

oh, look how gracious Athena is. She
invited the sick girl.

Rather be tossed into a promise keeper's
atonement teepee, which she tried to do

to me last summer.

Perhaps this invitation to Athena's is
an olive branch. If it is, don't reject

it because of prior animosities.

You know, I'll bet you can't even
remember when this feud started.

September 3rd, 1978, White House dinner
for Anwar Sadat.

Sadat had promised me an exclusive on
the peace accords, and then Athena

switched my place card at dinner, and I
wound up sitting between Burt Lance and

that skinny illusionist Doug Henning.

And the irony is, it was Burt Lance who
made my squab disappear.

This woman has invited you to her party.

Get out of your house. Go.

It'll be good for you.

Jim, if I decide to go, that's my
choice. And if you decide to go, that's

choice. I'll see you tomorrow.

Ah, Cookie K.

Ah, well, splendid.

Quite a party, isn't it? You know, I
think Murphy would have enjoyed herself.

Oh, she's lucky she's not here. This is
supposed to be such a great party. Well,

nothing's happening. It's a dog's
dinner.

Kennedy's are all sober.

Gingrich is asking everybody if he
should dye his hair.

And Mark Russell's at the piano trying
to rhyme things with stagflation.

I'm sorry, Kay, but I, for one, am
enjoying myself.

I think I'll join that CNN clique over
there. Oh, there's Bernie Kao. I think

I'll get Bernie to tell me that
wonderful story about Lyndon Johnson.

Come on, Jim. You know the only reason
you want to go over there is to talk to

Bobby Batista.

Please. I respect your profession.

And her voice is like church bells.

Excuse me.

Kay,

I'm not so sure I'm ready to reenter the
social scene.

Maybe it's too much.

I think I'll just go home. No, excuse
me, but do you think that that soon -to

-be ex -husband of yours is sitting
home?

Right now that man is at 21 with a
supermodel.

Okay, so he's sitting with his parents
and she's at the bar, but they make eye

contact. She takes a hit off her cigar,
he takes a hit off his inhaler, and

whammo, it's a do not disturb sign at
the plaza hotel.

You think so?

I know so. So get out there and shake
that little money maker.

Why is everybody so overdressed?

There's a certain amount of insecurity
even among the Washington elite.

Frank, this party is formal. Didn't you
read the invitation?

Yeah, it's a tie optional.

Black tie optional, Frank.

Oh, God.

When I take my invitation back together,
I must have left something out.

Geez.

Hello, how are you?

Bet you're surprised to see me here. I'm
sure Athena's told you all about me.

I've got my picture throughout the house
with circles around it and lines going

through it. But I figure let's let
bygones be bygones.

This may come as a shock to you, but
Mrs. Killington doesn't confide in me,

coat check girl.

Talk to the bartender. He's really her
confidant.

Hello. How are you?

Hello?

Hey, guys. Hey, you made it.

Well, I'm glad you decided to come.
Yeah, well, pretty flush, huh? Hey,

how come you're not wearing your flip
-flops?

I'm here and ready to mix it up. Kick
it, sis. This party is dullsville.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Kay,
but I'm just here to enjoy myself.

Did you hear her, Kay? She's here to
enjoy herself.

Really? Because I know where the fuse
box is.

The security system's wired to it.

Okay, listen, you're not going to do
anything, are you? Don't worry, Frank.

Athena was gracious enough to invite me.
I'm going to be gracious in return.

You just used the word gracious twice.
Now you've got me scared.

Murphy Brown.

Athena Killington.

Murphy. Athena.

Murphy.

So delightful you're here, Murphy. So
delightful to be invited, Athena.

Are you going to let me go? I'll let you
go after you let me go.

All right, then, on the count of three.
One, two, three.

Athena! I was crushed when I received
your RSVP thing you couldn't attend, but

I'm so glad you changed your mind.

Throwing the caterer's headcount off
notwithstanding, welcome.

Well, I hope that's not a problem. If it
is, you can always go out back and

slaughter another cow.

You are not leaving this party until I
sign my book for you. You read a book?

I wrote a book. Well, either one makes
news.

You know, I'm having a little birthday
just around the corner, and it's the

topic of my book. The one you read? The
one I wrote.

Why can't I remember that?

Athena wrote a book. Athena wrote a
book. Athena wrote a book. I've got it.

What's it called again? Who's Afraid of
the Big Five? Oh, and it's dedicated to

all those women out there who are afraid
of that scary number.

Fifty.

I'm 49, and I'm not afraid.

You weren't afraid, were you, Murphy?
No, you were a pioneer.

You blazed the trail so long ago for so
many of us.

Athena, this is my fake smile and my
cheeks are exhausted, so would you just

tell me why you invited me to this
party?

All right, Murphy, I'm dropping all my
pretense.

I was heart sick when I learned of your
condition.

Thank you.

After you went public with your cancer,
the very next day I had a mammogram.

Then I had a facial and a massage. I'm
okay.

Oh, good news.

I just want you to know that even though
your liberal thinking would drive us

right back down that road to government
dependency and excess, all my good

thoughts are with you. Well, I know you
don't have that many to spare, so

thanks.

What I'm trying to say, and quite
sincerely, is I really hope we can put

bitterness behind us and start fresh.

Yes, well, that's my goal, too.

Courage. And help yourself to the potato
bar.

How did it go?

Oh, well, I think she was trying to
connect with me on a human level. It was

little bit of a stretch for her.

Makes you mad, doesn't it? Mad enough so
I licked a couple of diamond bracelets

because I could get you into the safe.

I used to be romantic, but not anymore.

I just ended my second marriage.

I'll probably go through that rebound
stage where I go out with just anyone.

The thing is, I just don't believe in
commitment anymore.

Just go for it, I say.

Oh, look. My glass is empty.

I wonder where I can get another drink.

Thank you.

Excuse me. Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm just going back in. To your
invitation, please.

Well, I gave it to you before I just
went home to change.

Frank Montana.

Look, I do that show with Murphy Brown,
Jim Dial, Corky Sherwood. Oh, they're

all here. I know.

I'm supposed to be in there with them.
You have a problem at Dora. I'm a

sportive man. Wait a minute.

Look, there's Oprah. Oprah knows. She
knows who I am. Oprah, Oprah, it's me.

I saw you talking to Bobby Batista, Jim.
She seemed to be enjoying the

conversation. Well, she's quite a good
audience.

And her complexion is like alabaster. I
don't think she's wearing a stitch of

makeup.

You really seem to like her, don't you?

Oh, no.

I'm network. She's cable.

Would never work out.

Jim, I want to thank you for talking me
into coming tonight. It's so easy for me

to just sit home these days. I'm really
enjoying myself, and the timing was

perfect. My appetite's back. I've
already polished off a tray of these

puffs, and the night is still young.

Your presence just lights up the room.

Oh! Oh, Jim, can I steal this gorgeous
creature from you and you in a tuxedo?

Oh, how did they ever miss you when they
were trying to find the new 007?

Dial.

James, dial.

Oh, Murphy.

Murphy, everyone is commenting on how
wonderful you're looking. Well, it's all

done with smoke and mirrors, Athena.

Smart and wry, that's the trademark of
Murphy Brown. You mean the caviar

communist you love to hate?

My remark was taken totally out of
context, and believe you me, it has come

to bite me in the derriere. Actually, I
heard it in context. I believe it was

the caviar communist whose backwards
moralizing is nothing more than a tumor

the American society.

An unfortunate choice of words and
timing coming as it did on the day

your public announcement about your,
well, tumor.

You know, Murphy, the... One thing I've
learned from this whole unfortunate

experience is that cancer doesn't just
affect those afflicted with it. Your

cancer affects everyone around you, even
me.

Oh, Athena, I'm so sorry.

Well, it seems that my ill -timed remark
has dug me into something of a little

hole, and as a result, Athena Killington
got a down arrow from Newsweek

magazine. And even though they may be
the mouthpiece of the liberal media, it

still hurts.

Hurts book sales, you mean. Oh, not
just.

Heart's reputation, social stature,
political standing. All right, since you

brought it up, book sale.

Well, Athena, how can I help you get
through our cancer?

I'm glad you asked. What you do is take
a glass, take a spoon, clink, clink,

clink, draw everyone's attention and
make a tote to me. You know, something

along the lines of, I'm a friend of
Feeney's and... Wouldn't close friend be

better? Ooh, yes. Oh, good. So, close
friend, tumor, tumor, big joke, you, me,

love, love, forgive, forget, buy the
book, it got me through my cancer.

You are unbelievable.

I have no one to blame but myself. I
guess I assume that because I'm

other people would be changing, too.

Well, if you'll excuse me, this caviar
communist has a reputation to uphold.

Oh, waiter, is that beluga?

Um, everyone, everyone, can I have
your... attention please thank you first

all aren't you all dears for attending
my little affair how great are you give

yourselves a hand oh i want to tell you
how much i appreciate your celebrating

the launch of my new book who's afraid
of the big five oh thank you but you

there's another reason why i'm so glad
you're all here tonight we have as

well aware a great friend who has been
struggling so valiantly with cancer of

the breast She has shown so much
courage, and I'm so proud that she's

party to make her first public
appearance.

Can we show our love to such a
courageous spirit?

My friend, my close friend, Murphy
Brown.

Well, it would have been a whole lot
better coming from you. Ooh, smile. He's

from Time Magazine.

All right, Murphy, say something.

Athena, as much as I would like to bury
you in praise, tonight is your night.

Oh, what do you know?

Murphy Brown is speechless. Well, well,
that's all right, Murphy.

You save your energy for your real
battle.

I'm so sorry I got you into this. Her
behavior is inexcusable. If you were

to lace into her, now would be the time
to unleash the hounds.

Nose job.

It's okay, Jim. From where I'm standing,
the high ground, she looks so small, so

insignificant, I really have no desire
to engage.

So, you're okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'll see you guys
Monday.

It's just that my whole life has just
been about work. I didn't even know what

to wear this evening.

Look, is this too revealing?

You're all so kind to listen.

It's just that, well, it's been a while
since I've been out with man.

And, well, you know what they say.

Once you've been thrown, you've just got
to get back up on that horse and ride,

ride, ride.

Look at this. I'm empty again.

Avery, hiya.

Listen, I'll be home in 20 minutes, so
that gives you 19 minutes to put away

Nintendo and pretend you're asleep.

Now, did you brush your teeth?

Well, yeah, tonight.

All right, do.

Okay, honey. I love you, too. Bye.

This is Athena.

Non posso rispondere adesso. Lascio un
massaggio per piacere.

Hi, Athena Ritz, your mother. I want to
wish you a happy birthday and to remind

you that... but this is the anniversary
of the worst pain I was ever in.

Darling, you had the biggest head.

It took five people to get you out, but
I'm glad they did because you're my 57

-year -old baby.

I love you. Bye.

Oh, Athena.

Oh, Murphy, you're not leaving, are you?
What, leaving now?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I just thought
maybe you would autograph your book for

me. And I thought maybe our photographer
friend here could take a few snaps of

us together. Which is your good side?
Oh, like you have a bad side.

You know, I've eaten off all my
lipstick. Can I just go freshen up? Oh,

no. You look as beautiful as the day you
were born.

Now, this birthday, you're going to be
50, right? Yes, I'm going to be

fearlessly 50.

Aren't you, though?

Oh, gosh, birthdays.

That reminds me. When I was in your
library, the phone rang, and it was your

mother. Let me see if I can relay the
message.

Happy birthday to you.

Bear with me here. Happy birthday to
you. I know it's repetitious. Just hang

Happy birthday, dear Athena. This is my
favorite part.

You're 57 years old.

No, no, no, no, no. Please, just please.
That's something in my eye. I know you

do. A 57 -year -old finger.

Just write, Dear Murphy, I'm a big, fat,
57 -year -old liar. Oh, your parties

are such fun.

You're going to tell everyone, aren't
you?

Me? I'm just a journalist with my own
primetime television show. Who would I

tell? You can't tell anyone. It'll ruin
me. Don't you understand? My political

credibility is my currency.

Please, allow me my one affectation.
Allow me my little white lie.

The way you allow all those little
immigrant children to speak their native

tongue in school.

Oh. All right, you win.

There, I said it.

I do win, Athena.

But here's how.

I'm keeping your big, fat lie between
us.

Why?

The ride I've been on the past couple of
months feuding with you seems like a

complete waste of my precious time.

So, if you don't mind, I'll just take my
autographed book and be on my way.

Thank you, Murphy.

You know, I like the new you.

It's a kinder, gentler Murphy Brown.

What just happened?

Athena likes the new me.

Oh, what's the fun in that?

Exactly. The fun is in growth.

Knowing that you can be above the fray.

Knowing that you can be a big person.

Jim, would you just mind moving over
there a little bit?

Jim, I can be big, and I will be big.

Tomorrow.

Did you have a good time?

Yeah, I did.

I hope we get invited next year.

I want to thank you for a lovely
evening.

If I'd known it was a pool party, I
would have brought my trunks.

Sad, really.

If I wanted to get attention, I could
have been dripping wet, too.