All language subtitles for mary_tyler_moore_s01e10_assistant_wanted_female

How will you make it on your own?

This world is awfully big Girl, this
time you're all alone

But it's time you started living It's
time you let someone else do

some giving Love is all around, no need
to waste it You can have it down, why

don't you take it?

You might just make it happen

only inches away from the foot of their
bed.

Both are being treated for shock.

That's the lighter side of the news?

Let me know when they get to the story
on the apartment house fire.

I want to see what kind of film the new
cameraman came up with. I'm glad you

finally gave Alan an assignment.

Lou, you set the kid out on a big story
like that.

You got to start somewhere.

At around four this afternoon, fire
broke out on the top floor of an

house on 3rd Street.

It took two hours to get the fire under
control.

as you can see in this exclusive film
report.

Mr. Grant, here's that film you wanted
to see.

Two families were trapped on the roof.

Shouldn't Alan have taken pictures of
the people on the roof? Or at least the

fire.

What is that?

Oh, it's a brick.

It's a close -up of a brick.

And it's got ants crawling all over it.

The smoke became so thick in the halls
that the frantic tenants were urged to

jump into the safety nets below.

What's that?

It's a brick.

With ants crawling all over it.

I can see they're ants. I want to know
why we're showing them instead of the

fire. Uh, Mr. Grant, maybe Alan's camera
slipped.

Murray, why did you let this film go on?
Did you think this was a National

Geographic special?

Don't blame me.

The kids want the film in as we were
going on the air. And it just didn't

to me to check to see if there were any
ants on it.

Uh -huh.

Mary, where is Alan? Uh, well, uh, he's
in the control room. I think.

Tell him I'd like to see you when he
gets a chance.

Uh,

Alan, Mr. Grant would like to see you
when you get a chance. Tell him to be

he gets a chance within the next 20
seconds.

You'd better make up right away.

And that's the news till now.

This is Ted Baxter saying God bless and
toodaloo.

Did you like it?

it's sort of hard to tell whether Mr.
Grant likes something or not, Alan, but

think he can probably tell you better
than I can. Thank you.

Come in.

What were you sent out to cover? The
fire?

That's right.

Now, I'm telling myself that this is
your first job, so maybe I'm expecting

much of you to know a fire when you see
one.

Fire is where there's a lot of smoke.

Fire is what those big red trucks are
usually parked in front of.

Fire is red and hot.

And a fire is news.

I know what a fire is.

Okay.

Okay.

I know what happened.

You put the wrong lens on your camera.

You thought you were shooting the whole
building, but you were getting a close

-up of the ants. It was an accident.

It wasn't an accident. What?

Well, I was making a comment by showing
the ants. You did that on purpose?

I was showing how just a few feet away
from the fire, life goes on.

Why not show that just a few feet away
from the ants, there's a fire going on?

You gonna let me go?

No, I'm not gonna let you go.

Like it or not, I'm gonna have to make a
news cameraman.

Out of an insect freak.

For one thing, I'm short a cameraman.
For another thing, well, you know.

Okay, if that's what you want, I'll give
you film like the rest of the news

shows. I'd like that.

We've never had film like the rest of
the news shows.

And another thing.

You're on call around the clock.

I want you to keep us posted where you
are every minute. I'm gonna work your

tail off.

I hope you've...

Found some inspiration from our little
chat. Yes, sir.

Hi. Hey, Alan, how's the boy?

Hi. Got really royally chewed out. I
guess you heard.

Oh, uh, oh, did you? No, I, we, uh, you
can't ever hear what goes on in Mr.

Grant's office. No, my machine makes so
much noise. Is my wife called? Uh, no,

not yet, Mr. Grant.

So, listen, you got chewed out. We've
all been through the same thing, right,

Ted? Right. So don't worry about it.

Say, how'd you like to come home with me
and have dinner with my wife and me

tonight? Oh, no thanks. Thanks anyway,
but... Okay.

Good night. You shouldn't be alone, kid.

What you need is some company.

Now, I've got a manicure. You want to
come and watch?

Oh, I need some other time. Thanks
anyway, Mr. Baxter.

Good night, Mary.

Good night, Ted.

Well, Helen, I was going to invite you
over to my place for dinner. Great. Is 7

.30 all right? Uh, yeah.

Yeah.

table so noisily.

Mary, have you by any chance seen Bess?
She's late coming home from her Girl

Scout meeting.

No, I haven't. Not that I have to know
where she is every minute, but she is 20

minutes late.

Are you having rota for dinner again?

No.

Oh, I see.

But you have a place setting for two.

Yeah, that's right. You see, sometimes I
like to switch places in mid -meal.

You don't want to tell me.

That's quite all right. You're entitled
to your privacy.

I don't care who you're having for
dinner.

Since I don't care, why don't you tell
me?

It's just a kid who's new at the office
and he had a run -in with Mr. Grant

today, so I thought I'd bring him home
for dinner and try to cheer him up. Oh.

I'm defrosting, and I need some ice
cubes. Yeah, sure. Help yourself.

Have you seen Beth, Rhoda? Uh -uh. She's
late getting home from her Girl Scout

meeting. Hey, maybe she's trying for her
staying out all night and not telling

Mommy marriage badge.

Not that I'm concerned, mind you. I
believe in giving a child her

Hi, Alan. Come on in.

Alan, I'd like you to meet my friend,
Rhoda Morgenstern. Hi.

Hi. This is Alan, uh... Stevens. Alan
Stevens, and this is Phyllis Lindstrom.

'am. Uh, excuse me just a minute. Call
me Phil. Everyone does.

I don't.

A lot of my young friends call me Phil.

Okay, Phil.

Some of her really young friends call
her Phu.

Hello? Oh, hi, dear.

Yeah.

Okay, sure, I'll tell her. Bye -bye.

That was Beth, and she's kind of worried
about you. Where is she? She's still at

the Girl Scout meeting. You were
supposed to pick her up. Oh, for

Nice meeting you, Alan. See you later.

Would you like a drink?

Hey, can we see your ID?

I don't drink, but I would like a glass
of water. Is that the kitchen? I'll go

get it myself.

Okay, the glasses are on the counter.

Isn't he?

Mary, what are you doing?

Managing Little League?

No,

he's just a sweet kid, and he kind of
had a rough day at the office. Uh -huh.

How old is he?

Uh, 22, 23, I think. I don't know.
That's okay.

Nothing wrong with going out with
someone 23. I've done it myself.

I was 15.

I'm just getting some ice.

I'll help you.

That's okay. I think I can get an ice
tray out by myself. No, really, I

Hey, where were you when I had to lug my
old stove down to the basement?

Hey,

kid, keep both hands on that ice tray,
huh?

I'm sorry, my hand slipped.

Next time this happens, I'll press
charges.

Oh, what?

You know that shy kid in there? He's not
really all that shy.

Hey, Mary, it was an accident. I mean, I
hope you don't think I'd fool around

with one of your friends or one of
anybody's friends.

No, of course not, Alan. No, Rhoda's
just overly suspicious.

She's from New York.

Because if you did, why? No, hey, no.

Come on, sit down, have some cheese and
crackers.

The funny thing is, she's not even my
type.

Well, no, of course she's not. She's a
little older than you are, like I am.

Yeah, but I wouldn't mind fooling around
with you.

Well, can I take your coat?

And your shoes?

I just felt at home.

Well, good.

Nice couch. Does it fold out? I mean for
you to sleep on.

You know, Alan, I think that somebody
may have gotten the wrong idea here.

You want me to go home, is that it? No,
no. When I want you to go home, I'll

say, Alan, go home.

I just think that there may have been
a... Don't worry. Nobody has to find

Alan, go home.

But then you'd be all alone. Yeah,
that's right.

You don't want to spend another one of
those lonely nights, do you?

Well, what are you smiling me like that
for?

Because you're cute.

You really think that because I'm 30 and
single that I'm desperate, right?

No, I meant that I find you very
attractive. And what does age have to do

anything? Well, Alan, I'm really very
flattered, but age has everything to do

with it. I mean, look, if I were 19 or
20, you'd be 11 or 12.

Anyway, you see what I mean? So come on,
let's have dinner.

You mean you just got me up here for
nothing?

No, no, I just, I got you up here for
dinner. Is that nothing?

It sure is. Good night, Mary.

Ellen,

if you're trying to make us believe that
Mary would invite you up to her

apartment and then try to come on with
you, forget it.

That's not how, Mary.

Then what happened?

Maybe I said too much already.

You're right.

I think I'll walk you to the studio,
Ellen.

And then what happened?

Good morning, all.

Hiya, ma 'am.

How'd it go last night?

How'd what go?

Oh, you had dinner with Alan.

Oh, fine.

Marie, how did you know that I had
dinner with Alan? I didn't invite him

after you left.

Oh. Uh, well, he, uh, mentioned
something.

Oh?

Uh, what, uh, did he mention? Well,
nothing, Mary, nothing.

Uh, well, you know.

No, I don't know.

Well, I didn't believe him anyway.

Mary said that.

And then what did she do?

Oh.

Hi, Mary.

Uh, Alan.

Could I see you for a minute?

Sure, Mary.

Alan, I would like you to tell Murray in
front of me exactly what happened last

night.

I'm sorry. You're right, Mary. I should
have kept my mouth shut. It was just

dumb bragging. I'm sorry.

Break!

we're going to switch to a remote of
Arthur Almorin covering the airport

of the... Anything you say, Mayor.

Ted, you have to get all this down in 15
minutes. Have you heard anything I've

been saying? Not a word.

Mary, I want to talk to you a minute.

I'd like to talk to you too, Mr. Grant.

Mr. Grant, I would like to talk to you
about Alan.

Yeah, I know what you're going to say.

You do?

Yeah, you were going to say I was too
rough on him yesterday.

Well, no, not exactly. Yes, you were,
and you're right.

Mary, I'm not the most patient man in
the world. No, that's not true, Mr.

I said I'm not the most patient man in
the world.

That's true.

But Alan isn't exactly the easiest
person to be patient with.

Mr. Grant, I don't know how else to tell
you this other than to just come right

out and say that Alan has been going
around the station telling people...

he's my nephew.

It's true.

He's my sister's kid.

And Mary, that's why I gotta ask you a
favor.

Asking favors isn't something I usually
do. I'm not good at it.

Boy, I'll say I'm not good at it. I
forgot my manners.

Want a blast?

What that kid needs is a little
understanding and compassion and all

the rest of that bull.

You... You can handle that.

And I can.

Okay?

Okay what?

Will you do me a favor?

What favor?

Boy, I told you I wasn't any good at
this. I don't know how to ask for

can't do it. Forget the favor. Okay.

I'll make it an order.

I want you to be understanding and
sympathetic and compassionate to that

You got it? Oh, Mr. Grant, if it were
anybody other than Alan... If it were

anybody other than Alan, I'd fire him.

You see, she's, uh, she's my only
sister.

And I, uh, I owe her something.

Oh, all right, Mr. Grant, I'll do my
best.

The reason I owe her something is two
years ago I fired her husband.

What for?

Now let me tell you the worst part. Mr.

Grant told Alan... that I volunteered
for the job. So you can imagine what

thought. So tell him you didn't
volunteer.

I told him. He didn't believe me. He
asked me what time I wanted him to come

over tonight.

So you should have told him you don't
want him to come over tonight. I told

and he said, how about 8 .30?

You should have told him you wouldn't be
home. I told him and I'm not. I am not

going to be home. I'm going to a movie.
You want to go? Yeah, I would.

He'll only be back tomorrow.

What do you plan to do? Go to a movie
every night?

Of course not.

One night I'll go to a play, and the
next night to a concert.

I always did want to learn how to play
pool.

What do you expect me to do, Phil?

It's so elementary, I shouldn't even
have to say it. But he only comes on

it's absolutely safe. With women who
wouldn't ever be attracted to him. Only

you, Mary.

And me.

When did he ever come on with you?

When we first met.

I picked up the vibrations when he came
on with, hi, Phil, not how do you do,

Mrs. Lindstrom. Ma 'am. He said ma 'am.
Believe me, Mary, if that boy ever

thought someone was going to take him
seriously, he would run for the hills.

I think I see what you mean, Phil. In
other words, if I pretended to be really

interested in him, it would scare him
off, huh?

Exactly. Not in a million years. That is
the dumbest idea.

Dumb. All right, Mary, all right, all
right. Let people give you a lot of

ideas on how to handle this. As for me,
give me good old -fashioned common

Freudian psychology any time.

There she is, folks. The sweetheart of
Sigmund Freud.

You are witty, Rhoda. You really are.
Thanks. How much fun it must be for the

other girls on your bowling team.

Do you find a movie for us to see?

Yeah, let's go to the Crestwood. Okay.

We're going to the show. I think I'll go
upstairs and change.

Oh, wait. I want to go with you. I'll
wash the coffee cups, Mary. Oh, would

feel great? I don't want to take a
chance of being here in case Alan

Mary, you wouldn't think my idea was bad
if you read my copy of Post -Adolescent

Social Trauma.

Well, fine, I will. Lend it to me
sometime.

I lent it to you six weeks ago.

You did?

Yeah, and that whole batch of books I
brought up for you to read?

She figures if you study hard enough,
anybody can become a loony.

I'll find it for you, Mary, really.
It'll help. Well, Phil, look, I

you wanting to help me out with this
problem, but I honestly don't think

help. Yes, yes, it will. Wait till I
find it. You'll see. Marriage as a

competition, the liberated female, the
creative neurotic, none of these is it.

It must be here somewhere.

Let's get out of here, Mary.

If she finds out you're still saving
your Nancy Drew books, she'll never hear

the end of it.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Is Mary here?

She went out.

Oh.

Alan.

Yes? Why don't you come in and wait for
her?

Okay.

I don't see how she can say it's a dumb
idea. It's right here in black and

white. What is? Nothing.

Is she going to be right back?

No.

That makes you nervous, doesn't it? No.
Why should it?

Well, because you're alone with an
attractive, mature woman.

Doesn't that make you nervous?

Uh -uh.

Well, of course you're not nervous
because you feel safe. Because you know

a person like me couldn't possibly be
interested in you.

If you're not, why'd you call me back in
here?

That's right, Alan. You're right. I am
interested in you. I find you

terrifically attractive.

Now, how does that make you feel?

Nervous? That's right, Alan. I
understand why you have to leave now,

perfectly all right. I'm glad I could
clear this up for you. Goodbye, Alan. I

understand.

What I don't understand is why you're on
this side of the door.

I don't think it's too tough to figure.
You just finished saying that... You

take one more step, I'm calling the
police.

Wait a minute.

You just said that... There it is. You
took a step, I'm calling the police.

See, I'm picking up the phone. I have it
in my hand. See, I'm dialing the police

station right now. It's ringing in the
police station. The desk sergeant is

picking the phone up right now.

Hello, Mary?

Yes, I'm here.

Alan, why don't you come right down and
hurry?

Hey, what is this? What's happening
here? I'll tell you what's happening.

all right here. Read this. Chapter 7.

Nancy Drew?

That's Mary's book. She saves things.

You know... There he is, Mary. He's all
yours. See if Nancy Drew can get you out

of this one.

Hey, what is it with these friends of
yours?

What is it with you, Alan?

Why don't you find a girl your own age?

You don't know?

What's the use?

Pardon? I said, what's the use?

I don't have a quick comeback to that
question.

I'm a phony.

I'm not a man.

I knew it since I was 12.

Alan, who knows they're a man when
they're 12?

There's something wrong with me. You bet
there is.

You don't understand.

You see, I've never... I mean, when the
other kids were...

I wasn't.

Well, I'm awfully sorry, Alan, but I
don't see how I can... You know what

like to feel like you're the only virgin
in the whole college.

Well, as a matter of fact, I do.

I've been waiting for someone.

Someone kind and gentle and

compassionate to help me find... Myself.

Well, Alan, couldn't you find a nice
girl your own age to help you look?

I didn't know that all of this was
behind all that craziness.

Send away whoever it is. I need to talk
to you tonight. Alan, I really do have

to go answer the door.

Who is it?

Lou Grant.

Where is he? Who, me? You.

Guess what?

A brewery blew up tonight.

I know because I saw a film of it on one
of the other stations.

If you weren't there, we don't have a
single foot of film on it. Not even a

lousy aunt crawling around in a bear
suds.

Mr. Grant, how did you know that he was
here?

He left a message with his answering
service saying where he'd be and that he

didn't want to be disturbed.

I don't know how to break this to you,
but I may end up disturbing you.

Mr. Grant, could I talk to you for just
a moment, please?

Mr. Grant, Alan has problems. Are you
really tired?

What's he been handing you?

What have you been handing her?

Mr. Grant, please, they're very...

personal problems, and they... Well, he
has problems about women.

You do, huh? Hey, Uncle Lou, I was just
kidding around.

You were just kidding around?

Look, you, I want you to remember
something and remember it forever.

I think of this girl here like she was
my own daughter.

That means she's your cousin.

Okay, I'm fired.

Oh, no, no, no. As of now, you're third
apprentice in the developing lab.

I can always quit.

Who says so?

Now, look, there's only one woman down
there in the lab.

She's a negative cutter named Jocelyn.

Tell him what Jocelyn's nickname is,
Mary.

Well, it's not really a nickname. It's
just what some of the people... Bomber.

Tell him what Bomber did at the last...
Christmas party, Mary.

Oh, you mean when she beat you arm
wrestling.

That's the new woman in your life.

Bomber. Good night, Uncle Lou.

Cousin Mary.

Hey, I want to... I mean, he's my
family. Mr.

Grant, no, please.

There's no need. I understand.

Every family has someone like that.

No, you don't understand.

In my family, he's the cream of the
crop.

thing Lou put that kid in his place.
He's a troublemaker, you know.

He was even beginning to spread rumors
around about everyone, even you.

Oh, really?

Not that any one of us believed a word
of it for a minute.

Well, that's certainly good to know.

You know, Mayor, you've worked here
quite a while now, but I don't feel

ever really gotten to know each other.

Maybe sometime we could have dinner.

Oh, Ted, of course not.

Well, see you around.

And God bless.