All language subtitles for mary_tyler_moore_s01e06_support_your_local_mother

How will you make it on your own?

This world is awfully big Girl, this
time you're all alone

But it's time you started living It's
time you let someone else do

some giving Love is all around, no need
to waste it You can have it down, why

don't you take it?

You might just make it after long You

might just make it

covering the riot at the prison, and I
can't locate the other one. The biggest

story of the week breaks and we're doing
a prison riot?

What's the story? There's a major
traffic jam.

A major traffic... Mr.

Grant, why is a traffic jam more
important than the prison riot?

You are so lucky.

I am going to tell you everything I know
about news.

It's worth taking notes.

Oh. Don't take notes.

Why is a traffic jam more important than
a prison riot?

How many people would you say are in a
prison riot?

Offhand? How many?

Fifty. How many in a traffic jam?

Oh, I see.

No, you don't.

A lot of those people in that traffic
jam are going to go home and watch the

news, right?

Right. Those guys in the prison riot
aren't going to be watching the news.

They're either going to be over the wall
or in solitary.

Did you learn something? I'll find that
other crew.

Is this Mr. Grant's office?

Yes.

My name's Frank Corelli. I'll be with
you in just a minute, Mr. Corelli.

Frank. Prison, would you give me the
warden's office, please?

Yes,

can you tell me where the riot is today?

Oh, well, as you were taking over the
office, did you happen to notice a W .J.

This situation has arisen. I'm sure Mr.
Grant won't be too much longer.

I got a solve for you, Lou.

How? I dug up this film of a 1952
traffic jam. All traffic jams look

That solution could cost us our license,
Murray.

We can't pull off a 1952 traffic jam as
the one we're having today. The FCC

takes a very dim view of that.

Read my lead.

Today's traffic...

was the worst since 1952.

Which, you'll all remember, looked like
this.

Murray, I love you. Get it to Ted.

Mr. Grant, Mr.

Corelli is here to see you.

Frank!

How goes it? Long time, no see. Yeah, I
didn't know you'd recognize me after all

these years. Are you kidding?

that ever played pro ball.

Thanks, but I was only second string.

Hey, listen, I'd like to stay around and
chew the fat with you, but you caught

me at a very bad time.

Why don't you tell the guys what it felt
like to play on a championship team?

Go on!

Well, I really don't know. You see, they
won the championship the year after I

retired. I guess it felt great.

Well, what are you doing now, Frank?

I'm in insurance.

I guess it's just been one of those
days.

Yeah, I guess so. Hey, I don't suppose
you'd be interested in buying some

insurance? Well, I don't think so, no.

Of course, you know, we could talk about
it sometime. Yeah, when?

When? How about tomorrow night?
Tomorrow. What's your address?

119 North... I don't have a pencil.

119 North Weatherly. North Weatherly.
Right. Great. I shall see you tomorrow.

you'll never look better. Very funny.

Mary, I'd like to give you a chance to
atone for hanging up on me today and do

service for mankind at the same time.
She already did a service for mankind by

hanging up on you.

How would you... How would you both like
to help abolish capital punishment?

Uh, Phyllis, there's no capital
punishment in this state.

Well, that was easy.

Well, we can't give up the fight just
because we've won.

All right.

dinner dance next month.

You have a dance to abolish capital
punishment?

Well, it's not all frivolous. We do have
an electric chair on display.

How do you feel if you're dancing and
the lights flicker?

Ouch! That's all right. Get about it. I
understand.

It's because the subject makes you
nervous.

Even we pros have a tendency to joke
about it.

Why, only this afternoon, a girl told us
a joke that broke us up. You'll

appreciate this, Rhoda.

You know what the definition of a
guillotine operator is? I'm afraid to

A guillotine operator is a man who can
keep his head when all others around him

are losing theirs.

picked up the trusty old briefcase, and
here I am.

Ladies, hope I'm not late.

Well, actually, you're about 23 hours
early.

You mean it was supposed to be tomorrow?

Right. Oh, boy, am I dumb.

Well, listen, as long as you're here,
Phyllis, Rhoda, I'd like you to meet

Corelli. He's going to show me some life
insurance plans.

Why don't you sit down, Frank, and I'll
get you some coffee. Oh, could I have

some milk instead?

Milk, sure.

Life insurance, huh?

Well, that leaves me out.

I still haven't met a beneficiary.

My husband and I are into cryonetics,
so, of course, we don't need any

insurance. What's that?

Well, when Lars and I go, we will be
frozen.

Then, of course, when they discover a
cure for whatever it is that made us go,

we will be defrosted.

I think we could work out a plan where
you wouldn't have to pay the premiums

while you're on ice.

Good thinking.

Frank, how would you like to serve
humanity by stopping capital punishment

all you have to do is buy a chance?
Yeah, a chance, sure.

You can win a genuine antique
guillotine.

Just what you've always wanted, right,
Frank? For that war you never know what

to do with.

Oh, that'll be $10.

$10?

Oh.

Well, here you go. Two fives. Oh, thank
you, Frank.

Oh, I must run, Mary. Here, pin this on
his snowsuit.

It shows he gave.

It looks like a little man with a noose
around his neck.

It is. When you move it, his little
tongue and eyes pop out.

I gotta go.

Don't rise. Let me give you some advice,
Frank.

Don't wear that if you want to sell much
life insurance.

Thanks for the hair set, Mary. You're
welcome.

I'd better show you one of our whole
life plans, huh?

Is this a picture of you, Frank? Huh?

Oh, gee, I must have grabbed that by a
mistake.

Yeah, you see, that's sort of my
scrapbook.

You know, one thing's for sure. You're
never going to get a hernia lifting my

scrapbook.

You know, that's one of our old locker
room jokes.

No offense, madman.

No, there's nothing quite like an old
locker room.

Gee, this is a nice picture of you.
Thanks, that's my bubblegum card.

Hey, I don't think I've ever met anyone
who was on a bubblegum card before.

Yeah, there's some information about me
on the back.

Look at all the places you've played.
Los Angeles, Dallas, Minnesota.

You know, if I'd been on the first
string of the Vikings, I could have

restaurant when I retired.

Is that what you really wanted to do?
Well, it sure beats hustling insurance.

Yeah, owning a restaurant's a good
career.

Or Colts 21, Lions 14, San Francisco 0,
Chicago 22.

How was I?

Uh, I don't know. It depends on what you
were doing.

Sportcasting! I'll be honest with you,
Mary. That's what I really wanted to

to Lou Grant about.

I heard that there was a job for a
sportscaster that was opening.

Uh, yeah, I think there is.

Well, how about it? Do you think you can
get me a crack at it? Well, you don't

need me. Mr. Grant's going to have open
auditions for the job. Yeah, well, it

never hurts. to have contacts these
days, Mary. Yeah, but in this case... In

fact, you gotta have a contact to get
anywhere these days. Yeah, but I don't

think... Hey, will you be my contact?

But I... Will you be my contact? I'll be
your contact.

Uh, Mr. Grant, has the sportscaster's
job been filled yet?

Nope, but it won't be open for long.
Everybody in the state wants that job.

why not?

All you have to do is stand in front of
a camera, read the scores for two and a

half minutes, and collect 20 grand a
year.

I'm trying to figure out a way I can
throw the job to my wife.

Do you think that Frank Corelli might be
any good?

No. But what if he came in an audition
and, I mean, just really knocked it

out? I mean, what if he was terrific?

You know, that's not a bad idea.

You mean seeing Frank Corelli? No, my
wife.

If I put her in a sports jacket, pull
her hair back.

Tell Frank he can audition.

Yeah?

Hi! What?

I thought you didn't expect to see me
today.

No, I didn't. What are you doing down
here? Let me hit my tape recorder.

Oh!

Are you all right? Oh, yeah, it's been
hit a lot harder.

Hey, you want to hear my book?

Hear your book? Yeah, it's something I
started my last year in training camp.

A lot of the fellas are doing it. Sort
of a diary on tape.

And then they get some author to come in
and turn it into a book.

I never finish mine, though.

Well, it shouldn't be a total loss. At
least you can get to hear my speaking

style. Oh, by the way, I spoke to Mr.
Grant, and he said you can audition.

Oh, that's terrific.

Thanks. You see what a contact can do?

Okay, now listen to this.

Testing. One, two, three, testing.

It gets better.

My life on the gridiron by Frank
Carelli.

This book is dead.

to my wonderful teammates, the 65 Rams,
the 66 Cowboys, and the 67

Vikings. Very interesting, Fred. Wait a
minute. I'm just rolling now. Listen.

Look, I like you anyway, but you're
definitely the type that was a

in high school. I was not a cheerleader.
No kidding.

I was a pom -pom girl.

I was on the drum and bugle call.

but I'm an expert on bad.

you're thinking but you can't help
everybody

It's been so nice to me. I thought I'd
come over here as a surprise and cook

all dinner. You cook?

Do I cook?

I'm Italian, aren't I? Hey, that's
great. I love Italian food. What are you

cooking? Steaks.

Steaks?

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh what?

A man's got to be pretty serious when he
starts cooking dinner.

Oh, well, that's... I'm not kidding,
Mary. This isn't just gratitude. He's

one of us.

lady like you be doing with a meat
pounder.

Where are you going?

Upstairs to get my meat pounder.

Can I help?

Huh? Oh, no, you relax. You work today.

Oh, so did you.

No, I didn't.

Every time I go out to sell insurance,
my stomach gets all upset and I think

that I'm bothering people.

You know, that's why a sports casting
career would be a very good thing.

Besides, I get to hang around you all
day.

Just wanted to know.

Oh, I see what you're getting at. The
male animal has certain needs, right?

No. Well, no offense, but you're a
little bit too skinny for me.

I... Yeah, I mean, I like big broads,
you know?

Zofty. So, uh, don't sweat it.

Okay, I won't sweat it.

Here's our passports of good eating.

This is Frank Corelli with the sports.

frank you gotta do it my way am i
getting through to you frank frank i

help you so i have to know if i'm
getting through to you am i getting

you frank

One more to go before your audition.

Mary, I can't do a thing with this man.
He won't listen to me. How can I help

but listen to you the way you're
screaming?

I'm only screaming at you because I want
to help you. Well, stop screaming if

you want to help me. All right, now,
both of you, please stop this. What

to be the problem here? Well, I wrote
that special copy for him like you

but he insists on reading his copy. Go
ahead, read your copy. Let Mary judge.

She'll say it's rotten and I can help
you because I want to help you, Frank.

Good evening, Frank Correlli here.

world of sports. In the world of
baseball today, it was Baltimore 7, New

the White Sox 8, Oakland 0.

Cincinnati and Philadelphia rained out.

I thought that rained out added a real
nice touch of realism.

You see what I mean? Listen, Frank,
maybe if you tried smiling.

On the other hand, maybe serious is
better.

Well, better get in there.

psyching myself up like I used to before
every game.

He's going to invite a cameraman.

Oh, no.

What's the matter?

Well, that's Timmy Brown over there. He
was all pro -halfback for three years.

He's good -looking, intelligent,
popular. Hey, Frank, how you been?

Hi, how are you, Timmy? Gee whiz, it's
good to see you again.

You know, the last time I saw you, you
were going right over me for a

Listen, I'll be ready for you in a
minute, Frank.

I'll be hearing from you, Lou. All
right, nice going, Timmy.

Good to see you, Frank. Yeah.

Listen, I want to warn you about
something.

It'll be luckier for you if you don't
get this job.

This is not such a hot place to work,
right?

I'll say.

Did I get through to you, Frank?

Oh, no.

Go in and get set up for your audition.

And stick around afterwards. We can talk
about some insurance.

have a chance, doesn't he? No.

Timmy was terrific.

And he had to be, because my wife wasn't
half bad.

This is Frank Carolli with the sports.

Today in the world of baseball, it
was...

I blew it.

Look, you girls have been a big help.
Thanks a lot.

Where are you going?

I don't know. I think I'll go take a
long walk.

Frank, it's ten degrees below zero out
there. I think I'll take a short walk. I

think you should just come right back
and sit down and we'll just all talk,

okay? That's what friends are for.

Well, there goes my sport -casting
career, just like my car -selling career

my insurance -selling career. Why don't
you just get a job, Frank? What do you

need a career for? Because that's what
you're supposed to have.

Now, look at Frank Gifford. I'll bet he
makes close to... What's the difference

what Frank Gifford makes?

I mean, there are other jobs you can
have besides being a sportscaster.

Are all ex -pro ballplayers
sportscasters?

What else do they do? Besides owning
restaurants?

Yes. Because you've got to be on the
first string to own a restaurant. I know

that. Even if you were on a championship
team, then maybe you could own a bar or

something. But the point is, you don't
own a restaurant. Yeah, because I never

made the first string.

All right. What else do they do?

Besides owning restaurants? Yes.

I don't know. Let me think.

Yeah. There was Whizzer White. Now, he
has a fantastic job.

He makes $60 ,000 a year, and besides,
they can't fire him. What does he do?

He's a Supreme Court judge.

Oh.

Well, talk about contact.

Isn't there something just a little
simpler?

Yeah, Jim Brown's got a real simple job.

All he has to do is act with Raquel,
what's her name, and I bet he makes a

hundred grand a picture.

Frank, if you could do anything in the
world, what would you do? Play ball.

Besides that?

I don't know, hang around Mary.

Oh, come on. So I haven't thought about
it.

Yeah, one thing I know I'd do for sure.

What? Go back to Florida.

Oh, the people here are terrific, but
that weather out there, that's for polar

bears. Well, then why are you living
here? Well, I mean, I last played ball

here, and this is where all my contacts
are. I couldn't even get a job selling

insurance in Miami.

But, Frank, you don't want a job selling
insurance.

Hey, maybe if my contacts here knew some
contacts down in Florida... Well, you

just forget about the contacts for a
minute and just think about what you

want. I got enough money for airfare and
maybe one or two weeks down there.

Frank, Frank, you're healthy. You won't
starve to death.

Do you girls know what it is like down
in Florida right now?

Tomorrow, the sun will be shining. I bet
it's going to be 80 degrees, and I'm

going to do it.

Yeah, before I change my mind, I'm going
to do it.

And you know what I'm going to do the
first thing when I get off the airplane?

I'm going to throw away this dumb
overcoat, and I'm going to run down to

beach, and I'm going to go diving into
the water, and while I'm floating on my

back, I'll be thinking about you two
girls and wondering what I'm doing

in the water with my clothes on.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Bye. Hey, Frank.

Oh, thanks. Gee, I should leave more
often.

Oh, you missed.

Maybe it's obscene. Oh.

Hey, wait a minute. They do send things
in plain, unmarked brown wrappers, don't

they? Right.

Better open it.

Never heard of an obscene tape.

They're constantly innovating.

Okay, let's play it and see what we got
here. Mary, maybe it's a collection. The

all -time great obscene phone calls.

And you too, Rhoda.

This is Frank Corelli with the sports.

I'm just kidding.

Look, I'm sorry I took so long to write,
but you know how it is. I'm talking to

you from sunny Florida.

For a while, it looked like nobody
wanted an ex -guard down here.

Frank, can you fix this?

Oh, sure, kid. You just gotta... There
you go.

Thanks.

I even thought about coming back to
Minneapolis.

But I didn't even have the fare.

Frank, come on, the game's starting.

Okay, you know, throw the ball around,
warm up.

So I saw this job advertised for a
playground director.

And I work in a real pretty park all
day, and the kids around here think I'm

some kind of a hero.

Because I play pro ball.

So I try and teach them how to play, but
not guard.

Quarterback, or running back, or...
Okay, be right there.

I'm sorry, ladies, I gotta go now.

I promise to write real soon.

Sincerely yours, Frank Corelli.

Ah, did you hear that? He's teaching all
those little kids to be quarterbacks.

Isn't that beautiful?

He wants them all to own restaurants
someday.