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When are my parents going to be ready?
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When I'm ready. You got a hot date
tonight, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who?
3
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Double -jointed Sybil? I only took her
out once.
4
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,240
No, I'm dating Anita.
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Anita? Yeah. The Harpist. You remember
her? Oh, I'm crazy about that girl. She
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was the only date you ever brought here.
You used silverware.
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You're going to take a nice girl out
like that with this tie? What's wrong
8
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that tie? It's wrinkled.
9
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Oh, it is? Come here, come here, come
here.
10
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,740
What are you going to do, iron my
tongue?
11
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,300
Yeah, you want to iron it, iron it.
12
00:00:32,670 --> 00:00:34,110
That's the kind of tire wear. Yeah.
13
00:00:35,210 --> 00:00:38,450
Anita's a widow, isn't she? Yeah. You
know what? We get along so great. Yeah.
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Felix, I really think I'm crazy about
her. You must be if you ask me to iron
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your pants.
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Yeah. Should I iron my best man's suit?
17
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Will you cut that out? You know how I
feel about marriages. Give me the pants.
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Why are you so nervous? Why are you so
nervous? Because our kids are coming
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from camp today and I never met them,
see? I want to make a good impression.
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00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:56,250
long does it take before the zipper
cools off?
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Her kids will be crazy. And if they're
not?
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How about if the kids are not? It could
ruin my whole relationship with her, you
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know? I forgot that Anita has two
children. Let me ask you something.
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do you use a spoon to put on your shoes?
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Because a fork makes four holes in my
socks.
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I had to ask.
27
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You got any candy?
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Kids love candy.
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Oh, no, you can't buy a child's
affection. You win a child.
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You tell them a joke.
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00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,300
Oh, I had a great one about three
sailors on a raft that...
32
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:38,580
You tell them a children's joke. You
know what the mayonnaise said to the
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icebox? No, what? Close the door, can't
you see I'm dressing?
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You get it? I get it, I get it. You know
what children like? They like little
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00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,780
pieces of business. My kids used to love
this.
36
00:01:50,660 --> 00:01:52,360
Hope you like our show.
37
00:01:56,140 --> 00:01:59,640
Oscar, he can't wait to show it to the
kids.
38
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The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a
live audience.
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It's open!
40
00:03:34,450 --> 00:03:35,269
Hey, Helen.
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00:03:35,270 --> 00:03:36,270
Hi, Oscar.
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00:03:37,110 --> 00:03:40,910
Guess what? I got good news for you.
What? You're gonna get a chance to get
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acquainted with my kids.
44
00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:43,029
Well, I expected that.
45
00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:45,610
But I'm not gonna be here. I didn't
expect that. Where are you going?
46
00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:49,510
I gotta play the harp with the chamber
music group tonight.
47
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,420
The regular harpist brained her fingers
trying to play Flight of the Bumblebee.
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00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:57,600
Mark, Laurie, Mr.
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00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,640
Madison's here. Leave me alone with the
kids the first time. Don't worry about
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it. Oscar, this is Mark.
51
00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:05,660
Hi, Mark. Nice to meet you. And this is
Laurie. Hello, sweetheart. How are you,
52
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:06,920
Laurie? Good night.
53
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,520
Good night, darling.
54
00:04:09,020 --> 00:04:11,120
Now, don't bother Mr. Madison too much.
55
00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:14,180
Nine o 'clock bedtime. Have they eaten
and everything? Yeah, don't worry about
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00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:19,140
it. Does it have to be changed? I mean,
what are you... Just have a good time.
57
00:04:29,150 --> 00:04:30,730
Well, I couldn't wait to meet you guys.
58
00:04:31,430 --> 00:04:34,690
Your mother told me all about you, so I
know everything, you know. Except camp.
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00:04:35,330 --> 00:04:36,870
Did you have a good time at camp? What's
it like?
60
00:04:37,690 --> 00:04:38,690
Where'd you go at camp?
61
00:04:41,770 --> 00:04:42,850
You kids ever blink?
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00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:49,030
Hey, why don't we sit down, talk? We'll
get to know each other. Come on.
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00:04:49,130 --> 00:04:50,670
Everybody sit on the couch. Come on,
Laurie.
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00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:54,670
Now, let us see. What are we going to
talk about?
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00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:56,970
You a baseball fan?
66
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,100
Yeah. Yeah, what's your favorite team?
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00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:03,100
Dodgers. I'm a Mets fan, but I used to
be a Dodgers fan. You know, when they
68
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,660
Campanella and Snyder and Robinson?
69
00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:05,940
Who are they?
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00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:09,240
You wouldn't know who they were.
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00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,520
Laurie, what do you like? I like Robert
Redford.
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00:05:14,020 --> 00:05:15,020
Robert Redford.
73
00:05:15,260 --> 00:05:16,260
Me too.
74
00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:20,620
And we're back to staring.
75
00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:24,690
Is there something you both like
together?
76
00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:26,570
I like magic. Yeah, me too.
77
00:05:26,970 --> 00:05:28,430
Magic? You know any magic?
78
00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:32,290
No, I don't know any magic. I know a
good joke. I know... What did the salad
79
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,610
dressing say to the icebox?
80
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,070
Shut the door on mayonnaise.
81
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,790
See, I told Felix that was a rotten
joke.
82
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:46,830
Oh, I got a good thing. Wait a minute.
83
00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:48,810
Oh, this one.
84
00:05:49,110 --> 00:05:50,110
Here we go.
85
00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:00,850
That's magic.
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00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:02,750
I made two kids disappear.
87
00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:12,530
And then you take a magic handkerchief,
and you wave it over your arm, and you
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00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:16,790
say the magic words, abracadabra,
alakazam, long -webbed worms,
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00:06:33,550 --> 00:06:34,590
just across Fifth Avenue.
90
00:06:37,590 --> 00:06:38,590
What are you doing?
91
00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:41,230
Well, you know I bombed with the kids
the other day, right?
92
00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:43,650
Well, that's right. I went out and
bought this magic kit right here.
93
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:46,470
Become a professional magician.
94
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Learn the secrets of the great Melman.
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Rapids not included.
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Me too. I can see it. You pick a card.
Any card. Okay? Don't tell me what it
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00:06:55,190 --> 00:06:56,490
Just pick any card. Any card.
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Pick a card. Don't let me influence you.
Pick a card.
99
00:06:59,990 --> 00:07:01,810
There you go. That's the queen of
spades.
100
00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:05,910
Two of hearts.
101
00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:08,470
You picked the wrong card.
102
00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:11,170
This is what I like. What do you do with
this? Oh, never mind. Now, listen. You
103
00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:13,790
got a dollar on you. I'm going to show
you a trick. It'll amaze you. It'll
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00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:17,670
you. I only have two 10s. No, 10s. Same
size. Okay, now watch. I'll show you the
105
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,330
hand is really quicker than the eye.
This is amazing. What are you doing?
106
00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:23,490
worry. What are you doing? What's the
matter? I'm telling you. Watch. When I
107
00:07:23,490 --> 00:07:26,730
it together, it's going to be terrific.
Now you fold the corners like that.
108
00:07:27,010 --> 00:07:28,110
You put it in here. This is magic.
109
00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:29,950
A la zami.
110
00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:31,390
Watch it. All one piece.
111
00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:40,230
I've got to paste this together. Wait a
minute. Let me show you another trick.
112
00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:41,410
You'll see it's worth it. See this?
113
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,670
It's full, right?
114
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,150
Watch this. You're going to love this.
115
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:47,210
You're going to love this. Oh, oh, I'm
going to dirty your table.
116
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:21,980
to live with a slob.
117
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:20,020
Oh, it's late. No, you've got to go to
bed. Come on, please. One quickie, okay?
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Can you go to bed? You promise? Okay.
Okay, let me see.
119
00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:29,360
Once upon a time, there was a bookie
named 52nd Street Irwin, and he was a
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00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,360
very sad man.
121
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:31,379
How come?
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00:09:31,380 --> 00:09:37,400
Because a new law had been proclaimed
throughout the land. It was called off
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00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:38,400
-track betting.
124
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:43,120
All sorts of people with $2 bills would
enter buildings that had green...
125
00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:51,130
two doing still love. Well, I guess
that's my fault. I'm sorry I kept them
126
00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:53,710
Oh, go on up to bed now. I'll be up in a
second to tuck you in.
127
00:09:53,930 --> 00:09:56,770
But we want to find out what happened to
52nd Street Irwin.
128
00:09:57,130 --> 00:10:01,870
Well, what happened was that Irwin met a
guy named Oscar Madison, and he won so
129
00:10:01,870 --> 00:10:05,410
much money from him, he lived happily
ever after. Go to bed. Good night. Good
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00:10:05,410 --> 00:10:06,410
night, kid.
131
00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:08,090
You got back early.
132
00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:09,370
You didn't.
133
00:10:10,490 --> 00:10:13,630
Well, I wasn't on a date, if that's
what's bothering you. I was out working.
134
00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:15,630
What's bothering me is you left the kids
alone.
135
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:17,440
I didn't leave him alone.
136
00:10:17,540 --> 00:10:21,240
I left him with Pamela. It's the same
thing, isn't it? Say, where is Pamela,
137
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,240
the way? I sent her home.
138
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,980
Why? Because she's too young to be
babysitting.
139
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:28,660
Oscar, that's the same babysitter I used
last week. Yeah, but that was
140
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:29,660
different.
141
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,880
The only thing that's different is that
you're getting hooked on my kids.
142
00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:35,640
So? And they're getting hooked on you.
143
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,460
So? There's nothing wrong with that, is
there?
144
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:40,820
Yeah, there is. Oscar, I've got to talk
to you.
145
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:45,320
Do you know that those children moped
around the house here all day today?
146
00:10:45,620 --> 00:10:48,250
Why? Because you didn't call them last
night from Pittsburgh the way you
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00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:51,630
promised? Oh, see, the game went into
extra innings. By the time I got back to
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the hotel, it was so late, I figured
they were asleep.
149
00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:55,030
Yeah, well, they'd waited up for you.
150
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:59,070
Oh, well, they must have forgiven me. We
had such a good time. We played games
151
00:10:59,070 --> 00:10:59,769
and laughed.
152
00:10:59,770 --> 00:11:03,390
Yeah, but that's only going to make the
hurt even deeper next time you
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00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:04,390
disappoint them.
154
00:11:04,970 --> 00:11:08,830
Oscar, I know you didn't mean it, but,
you know, children need consistency.
155
00:11:09,550 --> 00:11:12,630
They don't really know where you fit
into their lives.
156
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,860
The last thing I want to do in this
whole world is to hurt the kids.
157
00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:21,180
You mean you think it's going to happen
again?
158
00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:24,020
Well, if our relationship stays the
same, yes.
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00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:26,260
Wow.
160
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:32,180
Well, I guess you're right. I guess we
ought to break up then, huh?
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00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,420
Unless you could think of some
alternative.
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00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,720
Well, I guess you're right.
163
00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:59,640
Are you all right? Oh, sure, I'm all
right. I'm not a kid. If the thing's
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00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,040
it's over. You know, whatever's for the
best. I'll show you. Look.
165
00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:03,480
I'll do the thing.
166
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,960
Hope you liked our show.
167
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,360
Watch me.
168
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,940
I finally figured out how to do the milk
trick. Watch.
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00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:35,040
Oh, I had it. I had it. I had it.
Honestly, I had it. How did it go?
170
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:37,420
It's all over.
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00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,280
What? What? What?
172
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,960
How come? She had a date, huh? Yeah,
yeah.
173
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,420
And you punched the guy, huh?
174
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:48,060
He punched you. No. She punched you. No,
it was nothing like that. What?
175
00:12:48,380 --> 00:12:51,600
She said the kids were getting too
involved with me and me with them and it
176
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,300
getting kind of heavy and things. So?
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00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,640
Why does it have to be all over? Didn't
I just tell you? It's about the kids and
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00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,920
everything. Well, isn't there another
alternative?
179
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:01,460
What?
180
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:02,920
What?
181
00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:04,660
Well, what's the next step?
182
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,200
What? Marriage.
183
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,840
Are you out of your mind?
184
00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:16,480
No. What are you talking about?
Marriage, a girl, kids, me, and a... I
185
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,820
have five or six good reasons why I
shouldn't get married. Now, I don't even
186
00:13:18,820 --> 00:13:20,560
have one. Of course you don't, because
I'm right.
187
00:13:20,820 --> 00:13:21,820
You know, maybe you are.
188
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,240
You are right.
189
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,080
And that's what she meant by an
alternative. I didn't even know. I got
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00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,720
hang -up about marriage. I didn't even
see what she was driving at.
191
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:33,480
You're right, Felix. I'm going to
propose to her. I am going to propose to
192
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:34,960
Oh, great. Yeah.
193
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:37,300
When? Pretty soon.
194
00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:38,780
Pretty soon.
195
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,540
Pretty soon.
196
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,160
Oscar?
197
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:44,880
Come on, get up.
198
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,360
Hey, come on.
199
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,040
Oscar.
200
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:49,920
Bedding window's closed in three
minutes.
201
00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:52,220
Give me number three, four, five, six,
seven, eight.
202
00:13:53,550 --> 00:13:55,470
Why are you waking me up so early?
What's the matter with you?
203
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:58,469
What is it?
204
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:00,690
Were you serious when you said you
wanted to propose to Anita?
205
00:14:00,930 --> 00:14:03,630
Of course I was serious. Well, come on,
get up. She's on her way over here now.
206
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:06,030
Why? Because I called her. What'd you do
that for?
207
00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:08,390
Well, you said pretty soon, didn't you?
Now it's pretty soon.
208
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:10,910
Yeah, okay, I want to do it. I'll do it.
All right, now you want to do this on
209
00:14:10,910 --> 00:14:13,430
an empty stomach? You want me to prepare
some breakfast for you? No, no, it's
210
00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:15,070
all right. I got something to eat.
Remember you told me to save it?
211
00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:19,470
You'll make a fine husband.
212
00:14:31,150 --> 00:14:32,430
No, no, no, no, no, no.
213
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:33,950
Oscar's getting dressed. Oh.
214
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,550
Oh, my, my, how nice you look.
215
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:37,910
Thank you.
216
00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:46,190
Have you any
217
00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:47,810
idea why Oscar wants to see you?
218
00:14:48,370 --> 00:14:50,230
No, you were very mysterious on the
phone.
219
00:14:52,470 --> 00:14:54,030
Is it something funny?
220
00:14:54,570 --> 00:14:55,570
It's something happy.
221
00:14:57,950 --> 00:14:59,330
Before Oscar comes out.
222
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,580
There's something I ought to say to you.
223
00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:06,420
I've lived with Oscar for five years
now.
224
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:12,260
And I think I'm not going too far when I
say that he's a perfect person.
225
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,320
He's kind.
226
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,820
He's warm. He's intelligent.
227
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,160
He's considerate. And he's neat?
228
00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:22,920
He has meekness in him.
229
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:29,280
He really, except for his room, which is
an absolute disgrace. But aside from
230
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,940
that, well, his clothes leave a
little... What am I doing? I'm bad
231
00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:34,620
best friend. I'll ruin the marriage.
232
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:35,900
What marriage?
233
00:15:38,420 --> 00:15:40,360
Didn't you know that Oscar wants to
propose to you?
234
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,020
What? Oh, I did it again, my big mouth.
235
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:47,180
Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, please, don't turn
him down. I feel awful. Please.
236
00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:51,260
He'll make a wonderful husband and a
fine father.
237
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:52,500
What do you say?
238
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:57,320
I guess I'd say yes. Oh, oh, bless you.
239
00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:58,680
Bless you.
240
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,900
But don't tell him I killed the beans
because he'll never forgive me. He wants
241
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:02,900
to propose himself.
242
00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:05,260
Hi.
243
00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:09,080
Congratulations, you're going to get
married.
244
00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:18,220
Excuse me, Pete. I want to go talk to
Oscar.
245
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,500
I am married. Oh, come on. Will you cut
it out?
246
00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:27,279
Come on.
247
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:32,200
My old friend Oscar getting married. So
sudden. I mean, I said to my wife, I
248
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,420
said, Oscar's getting married.
249
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:34,640
She said, Oscar who?
250
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,160
I said, Oscar Madison.
251
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:37,499
He said, no.
252
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,740
I said, yes. Oh, will you cut it out?
Where is your wife? She didn't want to
253
00:16:40,740 --> 00:16:43,620
come. She said, this is just an excuse
to go out and play cards.
254
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:45,680
Is it?
255
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,060
Oh, I'm really going to get married.
Hurry.
256
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,000
Then it's okay to cry.
257
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,460
Yes. It's all right to cry, but cry over
there, will you?
258
00:16:54,220 --> 00:16:55,880
Hey, it's been a long time.
259
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,000
Hey, Oscar. How are you? Hey, you're
really going through with this, huh? You
260
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:03,780
know, 52nd Street, Irwin, the bookie?
Yeah. He's laying eight to five. You're
261
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:04,900
not going through with this wedding.
262
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:10,599
Well, he's crazy because I am going
through with it. Are you sure, sure?
263
00:17:10,839 --> 00:17:12,460
Yeah. Because I want to make a bet.
264
00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:14,079
A bet?
265
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,520
Yeah. I haven't won a bet in 15 weeks.
266
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,400
Well, you can get even now because it's
a sure thing.
267
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,740
Where's the phone? Right over there. Go
ahead, bud.
268
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:25,720
Hey, Billy.
269
00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:29,800
Well, how do you feel? I feel good,
good.
270
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,800
How do you feel? I may throw up.
271
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,380
Give me the ring. I gave it to you. Give
me the ring. You didn't give it to me.
272
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,400
No, I didn't give it to you. Here it is.
273
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,660
It's got mustard on it. I had a hot dog
before.
274
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:42,699
You're crazy.
275
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:43,699
Excuse me, sir.
276
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,600
You must be the minister. I hope so, or
I've got a very dull wardrobe.
277
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:49,600
I love a good joke.
278
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,180
I'm going to get my cameras. Wait a
minute. You can't take pictures. You're
279
00:17:54,180 --> 00:17:54,879
best man.
280
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,460
You said you wanted the best
photographer in New York, didn't you?
281
00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:58,960
I'm doing it for cause.
282
00:18:01,340 --> 00:18:03,240
We got some telegrams. Oh, yeah? From
who?
283
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,480
Well, here's one from Florida from
little Joe.
284
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:07,160
Oh, that's Joe Boop. What'd he say?
285
00:18:07,380 --> 00:18:12,740
He said, Dear Oscar, you getting
married? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha! I
286
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,440
What else you got?
287
00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:21,950
Well, here's one from Vinnie. Dear
Oscar, getting married, is it a cold day
288
00:18:21,950 --> 00:18:22,950
July? Ha -ha.
289
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,270
Another ha -ha.
290
00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:26,310
And here's one from your mother in
Europe.
291
00:18:26,590 --> 00:18:29,710
Dear son, a very funny joke to play on
an old woman.
292
00:18:31,050 --> 00:18:33,190
No ha -ha. Oscar, you've got a
reputation.
293
00:18:33,630 --> 00:18:35,870
Oh, but they're only kidding. Come on,
come on, it's time.
294
00:18:36,090 --> 00:18:37,090
Time for what?
295
00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:38,110
To get married.
296
00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:40,730
Come on, let's go. Get upstairs. I'm
sorry. See you later.
297
00:18:41,170 --> 00:18:43,910
Oscar's awfully anti -marriage. No, he's
not.
298
00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:48,480
I'm not pressuring him into this, am I?
No, of course not. You're not that kind
299
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,960
of girl. I did it.
300
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:53,720
All right, everybody. All right.
301
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:57,740
It's time to get married. So, Speed, if
you'll come up here.
302
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,300
Murray, Murray, you'll stand right here.
Everybody, if you'll just give us a
303
00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:03,920
little bit of room. Everybody, the great
moment is coming.
304
00:19:04,180 --> 00:19:06,300
Mr. Minister, you'll stand right there.
305
00:19:06,660 --> 00:19:07,800
All right, everyone.
306
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,100
I think we're ready.
307
00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:38,600
Irwin, she's at the post.
308
00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:40,540
She's rounding the banister.
309
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,200
And she's heading down the home stretch.
310
00:19:43,980 --> 00:19:46,020
Would you be... Oh, sorry.
311
00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:47,220
I'll call you back.
312
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,960
Could we please start again?
313
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:52,980
Would you go back to the gate?
314
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:58,240
Steps.
315
00:19:58,660 --> 00:19:59,660
All right.
316
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,340
Everyone ready?
317
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:04,300
Pluck it, Mabel.
318
00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:24,300
Dearly beloved and friends, we... Oh,
I'm sorry. Can we hold in a minute? She
319
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,700
has to go, darling. No, that can wait.
320
00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:28,400
No, no, this is an emergency. She just
told me. We'll be right back.
321
00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:32,940
If we're taking a break, I'd like to go,
too.
322
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,560
Do you, Anita, take Oscar as your
lawfully wedded husband?
323
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:46,580
Madam?
324
00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:47,740
I do.
325
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:53,710
You, Oscar, take Anita as your lawfully
wedded wife.
326
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:56,390
I do. I do.
327
00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:58,490
Certainly.
328
00:20:58,830 --> 00:21:03,350
If there be anyone here who objects to
this union, let them speak now or
329
00:21:03,350 --> 00:21:04,350
hold their peace.
330
00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:08,670
I think that I had better speak.
331
00:21:09,530 --> 00:21:11,090
I beg your pardon.
332
00:21:11,510 --> 00:21:16,930
Well, I don't want to forever hold my
peace. So, Oscar, would you talk to me
333
00:21:16,930 --> 00:21:19,590
a moment, please, privately? Excuse me.
We'll be right back, folks.
334
00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:25,970
What's the matter, honey?
335
00:21:26,070 --> 00:21:27,790
It's you. You're scared to death.
336
00:21:28,210 --> 00:21:29,750
No, I was ready to go through with this.
337
00:21:30,010 --> 00:21:32,070
You were praying for something to
happen.
338
00:21:32,270 --> 00:21:33,029
Like what?
339
00:21:33,030 --> 00:21:34,030
Anything. An earthquake.
340
00:21:34,270 --> 00:21:35,510
Oh, now, that's not true.
341
00:21:36,070 --> 00:21:39,930
Oscar, you were pressured into this,
first by Felix and then by me. You
342
00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:40,889
even propose.
343
00:21:40,890 --> 00:21:41,890
Yeah, but I meant to.
344
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:43,770
I know you did.
345
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:49,090
And I know you meant to try to make the
marriage work. But let's be honest with
346
00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:51,850
each other. I'm no more ready for this
than you are.
347
00:21:52,790 --> 00:21:54,610
You're not ready for this marriage
either?
348
00:21:54,910 --> 00:21:59,830
I was so happy to find a man who loved
my children and whom they loved that,
349
00:21:59,850 --> 00:22:04,330
well, I just ignored the fact that we're
really not ready for this kind of a
350
00:22:04,330 --> 00:22:05,330
commitment.
351
00:22:05,430 --> 00:22:06,510
At least not yet.
352
00:22:07,850 --> 00:22:10,650
You know, I kind of feel the same way.
353
00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:13,390
You're some kind of woman, you know
that?
354
00:22:14,070 --> 00:22:15,530
And you're a sweet guy.
355
00:22:20,810 --> 00:22:21,810
I'm sorry.
356
00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:25,900
Can I have everybody's attention,
please? I have an announcement to make.
357
00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:26,900
you come down here?
358
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:32,580
Look, after carefully considering what
we were about to do, Anita and I jointly
359
00:22:32,580 --> 00:22:36,080
decided that there isn't going to be any
wedding.
360
00:22:36,380 --> 00:22:38,500
Oh, I knew it. It's a face.
361
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,380
Come on, sweetie. No.
362
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,640
Look, it's nothing personal. You're a
great guest, and if we ever do get
363
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,260
married, we're certainly going to invite
you back.
364
00:22:48,620 --> 00:22:51,720
Thank you very much. Well, folks, that's
the way the wedding cake crumbles. Your
365
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,240
presents will be returned to you. No
reception?
366
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:55,740
I ate light.
367
00:22:58,780 --> 00:23:00,840
Felix, I'm sorry to disappoint you like
this.
368
00:23:01,060 --> 00:23:02,180
I'm going to save you, buddy.
369
00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:03,660
Folks, come back, come back.
370
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:09,460
We had planned some entertainment for
the reception, but so that it won't be a
371
00:23:09,460 --> 00:23:11,820
total loss, we'll have the entertainment
now.
372
00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:16,820
Now, first on the bill will be the
amazing Unger.
373
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:19,260
No applause, please.
374
00:23:19,580 --> 00:23:25,080
We have here a simple pitcher of milk.
375
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:28,600
Will you give me a drum roll, please?
376
00:23:52,490 --> 00:23:57,170
And so your mommy and I decided that for
the time being, I'd still be Uncle
377
00:23:57,170 --> 00:24:00,470
Oscar. But I'm going to be visiting a
lot, right? And we're going to go to the
378
00:24:00,470 --> 00:24:03,230
fair on Saturday. You're going to see
that great magician. And we're going to
379
00:24:03,230 --> 00:24:04,370
see a Robert Redford movie, right?
380
00:24:05,070 --> 00:24:06,070
Good night, Laurie.
381
00:24:07,190 --> 00:24:08,190
So long, Mark.
382
00:24:09,270 --> 00:24:10,270
I'll see you.
383
00:24:10,810 --> 00:24:11,810
Thanks, Felix.
384
00:24:14,770 --> 00:24:15,770
They're great kids.
385
00:24:16,470 --> 00:24:17,470
I'll call you Friday.
386
00:24:18,070 --> 00:24:19,070
I'll be here.
387
00:24:27,310 --> 00:24:28,470
I'm genuinely sorry.
388
00:24:29,590 --> 00:24:33,630
Tell me the truth. Is it my fault? No,
no, no. This is the best thing for
389
00:24:33,630 --> 00:24:34,630
everybody, honestly.
390
00:24:35,050 --> 00:24:37,170
But who knows? Maybe someday we might,
you know.
391
00:24:37,630 --> 00:24:38,630
I hope so.
392
00:24:39,090 --> 00:24:41,930
You can do something to help me.
Anything. Anything at all.
393
00:24:42,190 --> 00:24:43,550
Could you lend me $300?
394
00:24:45,190 --> 00:24:47,090
Because of the carpet I ruined?
395
00:24:47,310 --> 00:24:48,310
No, no.
396
00:24:48,710 --> 00:24:50,830
I bet Irwin I would go through with the
wedding.
397
00:24:53,070 --> 00:24:54,070
You bet.
398
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,200
On your own wedding? Well, wait, he had
the odds. He gave me five to two.
399
00:24:57,460 --> 00:24:59,020
I thought it was a strong thing, right?
30803
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