Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:05,700
When are my parents going to be ready?
2
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,980
When I'm ready. You got a hot date
tonight, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who?
3
00:00:09,220 --> 00:00:11,380
Double -jointed Sybil? I only took her
out once.
4
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,240
No, I'm dating Anita.
5
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:18,380
Anita? Yeah. The Harpist. You remember
her? Oh, I'm crazy about that girl. She
6
00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:20,300
was the only date you ever brought here.
You used silverware.
7
00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:24,500
You're going to take a nice girl out
like that with this tie? What's wrong
8
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:25,500
that tie? It's wrinkled.
9
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:26,940
Oh, it is? Come here, come here, come
here.
10
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,740
What are you going to do, iron my
tongue?
11
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,300
Yeah, you want to iron it, iron it.
12
00:00:32,670 --> 00:00:34,110
That's the kind of tire wear. Yeah.
13
00:00:35,210 --> 00:00:38,450
Anita's a widow, isn't she? Yeah. You
know what? We get along so great. Yeah.
14
00:00:38,590 --> 00:00:41,610
Felix, I really think I'm crazy about
her. You must be if you ask me to iron
15
00:00:41,610 --> 00:00:42,409
your pants.
16
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,690
Yeah. Should I iron my best man's suit?
17
00:00:44,990 --> 00:00:48,270
Will you cut that out? You know how I
feel about marriages. Give me the pants.
18
00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:50,690
Why are you so nervous? Why are you so
nervous? Because our kids are coming
19
00:00:50,690 --> 00:00:54,350
from camp today and I never met them,
see? I want to make a good impression.
20
00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:56,250
long does it take before the zipper
cools off?
21
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,980
Her kids will be crazy. And if they're
not?
22
00:01:09,180 --> 00:01:11,980
How about if the kids are not? It could
ruin my whole relationship with her, you
23
00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:16,620
know? I forgot that Anita has two
children. Let me ask you something.
24
00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:18,400
do you use a spoon to put on your shoes?
25
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:21,420
Because a fork makes four holes in my
socks.
26
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:23,880
I had to ask.
27
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,080
You got any candy?
28
00:01:25,340 --> 00:01:26,340
Kids love candy.
29
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:30,240
Oh, no, you can't buy a child's
affection. You win a child.
30
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:31,620
You tell them a joke.
31
00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,300
Oh, I had a great one about three
sailors on a raft that...
32
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:38,580
You tell them a children's joke. You
know what the mayonnaise said to the
33
00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:41,000
icebox? No, what? Close the door, can't
you see I'm dressing?
34
00:01:42,220 --> 00:01:46,680
You get it? I get it, I get it. You know
what children like? They like little
35
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,780
pieces of business. My kids used to love
this.
36
00:01:50,660 --> 00:01:52,360
Hope you like our show.
37
00:01:56,140 --> 00:01:59,640
Oscar, he can't wait to show it to the
kids.
38
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:25,730
The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a
live audience.
39
00:03:28,130 --> 00:03:29,130
It's open!
40
00:03:34,450 --> 00:03:35,269
Hey, Helen.
41
00:03:35,270 --> 00:03:36,270
Hi, Oscar.
42
00:03:37,110 --> 00:03:40,910
Guess what? I got good news for you.
What? You're gonna get a chance to get
43
00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:41,910
acquainted with my kids.
44
00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:43,029
Well, I expected that.
45
00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:45,610
But I'm not gonna be here. I didn't
expect that. Where are you going?
46
00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:49,510
I gotta play the harp with the chamber
music group tonight.
47
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,420
The regular harpist brained her fingers
trying to play Flight of the Bumblebee.
48
00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:57,600
Mark, Laurie, Mr.
49
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,640
Madison's here. Leave me alone with the
kids the first time. Don't worry about
50
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,380
it. Oscar, this is Mark.
51
00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:05,660
Hi, Mark. Nice to meet you. And this is
Laurie. Hello, sweetheart. How are you,
52
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:06,920
Laurie? Good night.
53
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,520
Good night, darling.
54
00:04:09,020 --> 00:04:11,120
Now, don't bother Mr. Madison too much.
55
00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:14,180
Nine o 'clock bedtime. Have they eaten
and everything? Yeah, don't worry about
56
00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:19,140
it. Does it have to be changed? I mean,
what are you... Just have a good time.
57
00:04:29,150 --> 00:04:30,730
Well, I couldn't wait to meet you guys.
58
00:04:31,430 --> 00:04:34,690
Your mother told me all about you, so I
know everything, you know. Except camp.
59
00:04:35,330 --> 00:04:36,870
Did you have a good time at camp? What's
it like?
60
00:04:37,690 --> 00:04:38,690
Where'd you go at camp?
61
00:04:41,770 --> 00:04:42,850
You kids ever blink?
62
00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:49,030
Hey, why don't we sit down, talk? We'll
get to know each other. Come on.
63
00:04:49,130 --> 00:04:50,670
Everybody sit on the couch. Come on,
Laurie.
64
00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:54,670
Now, let us see. What are we going to
talk about?
65
00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:56,970
You a baseball fan?
66
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,100
Yeah. Yeah, what's your favorite team?
67
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:03,100
Dodgers. I'm a Mets fan, but I used to
be a Dodgers fan. You know, when they
68
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,660
Campanella and Snyder and Robinson?
69
00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:05,940
Who are they?
70
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:09,240
You wouldn't know who they were.
71
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,520
Laurie, what do you like? I like Robert
Redford.
72
00:05:14,020 --> 00:05:15,020
Robert Redford.
73
00:05:15,260 --> 00:05:16,260
Me too.
74
00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:20,620
And we're back to staring.
75
00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:24,690
Is there something you both like
together?
76
00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:26,570
I like magic. Yeah, me too.
77
00:05:26,970 --> 00:05:28,430
Magic? You know any magic?
78
00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:32,290
No, I don't know any magic. I know a
good joke. I know... What did the salad
79
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,610
dressing say to the icebox?
80
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,070
Shut the door on mayonnaise.
81
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,790
See, I told Felix that was a rotten
joke.
82
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:46,830
Oh, I got a good thing. Wait a minute.
83
00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:48,810
Oh, this one.
84
00:05:49,110 --> 00:05:50,110
Here we go.
85
00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:00,850
That's magic.
86
00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:02,750
I made two kids disappear.
87
00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:12,530
And then you take a magic handkerchief,
and you wave it over your arm, and you
88
00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:16,790
say the magic words, abracadabra,
alakazam, long -webbed worms,
89
00:06:33,550 --> 00:06:34,590
just across Fifth Avenue.
90
00:06:37,590 --> 00:06:38,590
What are you doing?
91
00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:41,230
Well, you know I bombed with the kids
the other day, right?
92
00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:43,650
Well, that's right. I went out and
bought this magic kit right here.
93
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:46,470
Become a professional magician.
94
00:06:46,950 --> 00:06:48,690
Learn the secrets of the great Melman.
95
00:06:49,190 --> 00:06:50,190
Rapids not included.
96
00:06:51,170 --> 00:06:55,150
Me too. I can see it. You pick a card.
Any card. Okay? Don't tell me what it
97
00:06:55,190 --> 00:06:56,490
Just pick any card. Any card.
98
00:06:56,890 --> 00:06:59,250
Pick a card. Don't let me influence you.
Pick a card.
99
00:06:59,990 --> 00:07:01,810
There you go. That's the queen of
spades.
100
00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:05,910
Two of hearts.
101
00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:08,470
You picked the wrong card.
102
00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:11,170
This is what I like. What do you do with
this? Oh, never mind. Now, listen. You
103
00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:13,790
got a dollar on you. I'm going to show
you a trick. It'll amaze you. It'll
104
00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:17,670
you. I only have two 10s. No, 10s. Same
size. Okay, now watch. I'll show you the
105
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,330
hand is really quicker than the eye.
This is amazing. What are you doing?
106
00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:23,490
worry. What are you doing? What's the
matter? I'm telling you. Watch. When I
107
00:07:23,490 --> 00:07:26,730
it together, it's going to be terrific.
Now you fold the corners like that.
108
00:07:27,010 --> 00:07:28,110
You put it in here. This is magic.
109
00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:29,950
A la zami.
110
00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:31,390
Watch it. All one piece.
111
00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:40,230
I've got to paste this together. Wait a
minute. Let me show you another trick.
112
00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:41,410
You'll see it's worth it. See this?
113
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,670
It's full, right?
114
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,150
Watch this. You're going to love this.
115
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:47,210
You're going to love this. Oh, oh, I'm
going to dirty your table.
116
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:21,980
to live with a slob.
117
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:20,020
Oh, it's late. No, you've got to go to
bed. Come on, please. One quickie, okay?
118
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,140
Can you go to bed? You promise? Okay.
Okay, let me see.
119
00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:29,360
Once upon a time, there was a bookie
named 52nd Street Irwin, and he was a
120
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,360
very sad man.
121
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:31,379
How come?
122
00:09:31,380 --> 00:09:37,400
Because a new law had been proclaimed
throughout the land. It was called off
123
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:38,400
-track betting.
124
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:43,120
All sorts of people with $2 bills would
enter buildings that had green...
125
00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:51,130
two doing still love. Well, I guess
that's my fault. I'm sorry I kept them
126
00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:53,710
Oh, go on up to bed now. I'll be up in a
second to tuck you in.
127
00:09:53,930 --> 00:09:56,770
But we want to find out what happened to
52nd Street Irwin.
128
00:09:57,130 --> 00:10:01,870
Well, what happened was that Irwin met a
guy named Oscar Madison, and he won so
129
00:10:01,870 --> 00:10:05,410
much money from him, he lived happily
ever after. Go to bed. Good night. Good
130
00:10:05,410 --> 00:10:06,410
night, kid.
131
00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:08,090
You got back early.
132
00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:09,370
You didn't.
133
00:10:10,490 --> 00:10:13,630
Well, I wasn't on a date, if that's
what's bothering you. I was out working.
134
00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:15,630
What's bothering me is you left the kids
alone.
135
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:17,440
I didn't leave him alone.
136
00:10:17,540 --> 00:10:21,240
I left him with Pamela. It's the same
thing, isn't it? Say, where is Pamela,
137
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,240
the way? I sent her home.
138
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,980
Why? Because she's too young to be
babysitting.
139
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:28,660
Oscar, that's the same babysitter I used
last week. Yeah, but that was
140
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:29,660
different.
141
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,880
The only thing that's different is that
you're getting hooked on my kids.
142
00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:35,640
So? And they're getting hooked on you.
143
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,460
So? There's nothing wrong with that, is
there?
144
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:40,820
Yeah, there is. Oscar, I've got to talk
to you.
145
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:45,320
Do you know that those children moped
around the house here all day today?
146
00:10:45,620 --> 00:10:48,250
Why? Because you didn't call them last
night from Pittsburgh the way you
147
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:51,630
promised? Oh, see, the game went into
extra innings. By the time I got back to
148
00:10:51,630 --> 00:10:53,270
the hotel, it was so late, I figured
they were asleep.
149
00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:55,030
Yeah, well, they'd waited up for you.
150
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:59,070
Oh, well, they must have forgiven me. We
had such a good time. We played games
151
00:10:59,070 --> 00:10:59,769
and laughed.
152
00:10:59,770 --> 00:11:03,390
Yeah, but that's only going to make the
hurt even deeper next time you
153
00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:04,390
disappoint them.
154
00:11:04,970 --> 00:11:08,830
Oscar, I know you didn't mean it, but,
you know, children need consistency.
155
00:11:09,550 --> 00:11:12,630
They don't really know where you fit
into their lives.
156
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,860
The last thing I want to do in this
whole world is to hurt the kids.
157
00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:21,180
You mean you think it's going to happen
again?
158
00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:24,020
Well, if our relationship stays the
same, yes.
159
00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:26,260
Wow.
160
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:32,180
Well, I guess you're right. I guess we
ought to break up then, huh?
161
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,420
Unless you could think of some
alternative.
162
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,720
Well, I guess you're right.
163
00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:59,640
Are you all right? Oh, sure, I'm all
right. I'm not a kid. If the thing's
164
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,040
it's over. You know, whatever's for the
best. I'll show you. Look.
165
00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:03,480
I'll do the thing.
166
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,960
Hope you liked our show.
167
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,360
Watch me.
168
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,940
I finally figured out how to do the milk
trick. Watch.
169
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:35,040
Oh, I had it. I had it. I had it.
Honestly, I had it. How did it go?
170
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:37,420
It's all over.
171
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,280
What? What? What?
172
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,960
How come? She had a date, huh? Yeah,
yeah.
173
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,420
And you punched the guy, huh?
174
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:48,060
He punched you. No. She punched you. No,
it was nothing like that. What?
175
00:12:48,380 --> 00:12:51,600
She said the kids were getting too
involved with me and me with them and it
176
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,300
getting kind of heavy and things. So?
177
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,640
Why does it have to be all over? Didn't
I just tell you? It's about the kids and
178
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,920
everything. Well, isn't there another
alternative?
179
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:01,460
What?
180
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:02,920
What?
181
00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:04,660
Well, what's the next step?
182
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,200
What? Marriage.
183
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,840
Are you out of your mind?
184
00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:16,480
No. What are you talking about?
Marriage, a girl, kids, me, and a... I
185
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,820
have five or six good reasons why I
shouldn't get married. Now, I don't even
186
00:13:18,820 --> 00:13:20,560
have one. Of course you don't, because
I'm right.
187
00:13:20,820 --> 00:13:21,820
You know, maybe you are.
188
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,240
You are right.
189
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,080
And that's what she meant by an
alternative. I didn't even know. I got
190
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,720
hang -up about marriage. I didn't even
see what she was driving at.
191
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:33,480
You're right, Felix. I'm going to
propose to her. I am going to propose to
192
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:34,960
Oh, great. Yeah.
193
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:37,300
When? Pretty soon.
194
00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:38,780
Pretty soon.
195
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,540
Pretty soon.
196
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,160
Oscar?
197
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:44,880
Come on, get up.
198
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,360
Hey, come on.
199
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,040
Oscar.
200
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:49,920
Bedding window's closed in three
minutes.
201
00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:52,220
Give me number three, four, five, six,
seven, eight.
202
00:13:53,550 --> 00:13:55,470
Why are you waking me up so early?
What's the matter with you?
203
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:58,469
What is it?
204
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:00,690
Were you serious when you said you
wanted to propose to Anita?
205
00:14:00,930 --> 00:14:03,630
Of course I was serious. Well, come on,
get up. She's on her way over here now.
206
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:06,030
Why? Because I called her. What'd you do
that for?
207
00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:08,390
Well, you said pretty soon, didn't you?
Now it's pretty soon.
208
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:10,910
Yeah, okay, I want to do it. I'll do it.
All right, now you want to do this on
209
00:14:10,910 --> 00:14:13,430
an empty stomach? You want me to prepare
some breakfast for you? No, no, it's
210
00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:15,070
all right. I got something to eat.
Remember you told me to save it?
211
00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:19,470
You'll make a fine husband.
212
00:14:31,150 --> 00:14:32,430
No, no, no, no, no, no.
213
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:33,950
Oscar's getting dressed. Oh.
214
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,550
Oh, my, my, how nice you look.
215
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:37,910
Thank you.
216
00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:46,190
Have you any
217
00:14:46,190 --> 00:14:47,810
idea why Oscar wants to see you?
218
00:14:48,370 --> 00:14:50,230
No, you were very mysterious on the
phone.
219
00:14:52,470 --> 00:14:54,030
Is it something funny?
220
00:14:54,570 --> 00:14:55,570
It's something happy.
221
00:14:57,950 --> 00:14:59,330
Before Oscar comes out.
222
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,580
There's something I ought to say to you.
223
00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:06,420
I've lived with Oscar for five years
now.
224
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:12,260
And I think I'm not going too far when I
say that he's a perfect person.
225
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,320
He's kind.
226
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,820
He's warm. He's intelligent.
227
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,160
He's considerate. And he's neat?
228
00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:22,920
He has meekness in him.
229
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:29,280
He really, except for his room, which is
an absolute disgrace. But aside from
230
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,940
that, well, his clothes leave a
little... What am I doing? I'm bad
231
00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:34,620
best friend. I'll ruin the marriage.
232
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:35,900
What marriage?
233
00:15:38,420 --> 00:15:40,360
Didn't you know that Oscar wants to
propose to you?
234
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,020
What? Oh, I did it again, my big mouth.
235
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:47,180
Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, please, don't turn
him down. I feel awful. Please.
236
00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:51,260
He'll make a wonderful husband and a
fine father.
237
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:52,500
What do you say?
238
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:57,320
I guess I'd say yes. Oh, oh, bless you.
239
00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:58,680
Bless you.
240
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,900
But don't tell him I killed the beans
because he'll never forgive me. He wants
241
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:02,900
to propose himself.
242
00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:05,260
Hi.
243
00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:09,080
Congratulations, you're going to get
married.
244
00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:18,220
Excuse me, Pete. I want to go talk to
Oscar.
245
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,500
I am married. Oh, come on. Will you cut
it out?
246
00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:27,279
Come on.
247
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:32,200
My old friend Oscar getting married. So
sudden. I mean, I said to my wife, I
248
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,420
said, Oscar's getting married.
249
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:34,640
She said, Oscar who?
250
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,160
I said, Oscar Madison.
251
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:37,499
He said, no.
252
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,740
I said, yes. Oh, will you cut it out?
Where is your wife? She didn't want to
253
00:16:40,740 --> 00:16:43,620
come. She said, this is just an excuse
to go out and play cards.
254
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:45,680
Is it?
255
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,060
Oh, I'm really going to get married.
Hurry.
256
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,000
Then it's okay to cry.
257
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,460
Yes. It's all right to cry, but cry over
there, will you?
258
00:16:54,220 --> 00:16:55,880
Hey, it's been a long time.
259
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,000
Hey, Oscar. How are you? Hey, you're
really going through with this, huh? You
260
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:03,780
know, 52nd Street, Irwin, the bookie?
Yeah. He's laying eight to five. You're
261
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:04,900
not going through with this wedding.
262
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:10,599
Well, he's crazy because I am going
through with it. Are you sure, sure?
263
00:17:10,839 --> 00:17:12,460
Yeah. Because I want to make a bet.
264
00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:14,079
A bet?
265
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,520
Yeah. I haven't won a bet in 15 weeks.
266
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,400
Well, you can get even now because it's
a sure thing.
267
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,740
Where's the phone? Right over there. Go
ahead, bud.
268
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:25,720
Hey, Billy.
269
00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:29,800
Well, how do you feel? I feel good,
good.
270
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,800
How do you feel? I may throw up.
271
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,380
Give me the ring. I gave it to you. Give
me the ring. You didn't give it to me.
272
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,400
No, I didn't give it to you. Here it is.
273
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,660
It's got mustard on it. I had a hot dog
before.
274
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:42,699
You're crazy.
275
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:43,699
Excuse me, sir.
276
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,600
You must be the minister. I hope so, or
I've got a very dull wardrobe.
277
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:49,600
I love a good joke.
278
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,180
I'm going to get my cameras. Wait a
minute. You can't take pictures. You're
279
00:17:54,180 --> 00:17:54,879
best man.
280
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,460
You said you wanted the best
photographer in New York, didn't you?
281
00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:58,960
I'm doing it for cause.
282
00:18:01,340 --> 00:18:03,240
We got some telegrams. Oh, yeah? From
who?
283
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,480
Well, here's one from Florida from
little Joe.
284
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:07,160
Oh, that's Joe Boop. What'd he say?
285
00:18:07,380 --> 00:18:12,740
He said, Dear Oscar, you getting
married? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha! I
286
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,440
What else you got?
287
00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:21,950
Well, here's one from Vinnie. Dear
Oscar, getting married, is it a cold day
288
00:18:21,950 --> 00:18:22,950
July? Ha -ha.
289
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,270
Another ha -ha.
290
00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:26,310
And here's one from your mother in
Europe.
291
00:18:26,590 --> 00:18:29,710
Dear son, a very funny joke to play on
an old woman.
292
00:18:31,050 --> 00:18:33,190
No ha -ha. Oscar, you've got a
reputation.
293
00:18:33,630 --> 00:18:35,870
Oh, but they're only kidding. Come on,
come on, it's time.
294
00:18:36,090 --> 00:18:37,090
Time for what?
295
00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:38,110
To get married.
296
00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:40,730
Come on, let's go. Get upstairs. I'm
sorry. See you later.
297
00:18:41,170 --> 00:18:43,910
Oscar's awfully anti -marriage. No, he's
not.
298
00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:48,480
I'm not pressuring him into this, am I?
No, of course not. You're not that kind
299
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,960
of girl. I did it.
300
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:53,720
All right, everybody. All right.
301
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:57,740
It's time to get married. So, Speed, if
you'll come up here.
302
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,300
Murray, Murray, you'll stand right here.
Everybody, if you'll just give us a
303
00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:03,920
little bit of room. Everybody, the great
moment is coming.
304
00:19:04,180 --> 00:19:06,300
Mr. Minister, you'll stand right there.
305
00:19:06,660 --> 00:19:07,800
All right, everyone.
306
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,100
I think we're ready.
307
00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:38,600
Irwin, she's at the post.
308
00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:40,540
She's rounding the banister.
309
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,200
And she's heading down the home stretch.
310
00:19:43,980 --> 00:19:46,020
Would you be... Oh, sorry.
311
00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:47,220
I'll call you back.
312
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,960
Could we please start again?
313
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:52,980
Would you go back to the gate?
314
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:58,240
Steps.
315
00:19:58,660 --> 00:19:59,660
All right.
316
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,340
Everyone ready?
317
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:04,300
Pluck it, Mabel.
318
00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:24,300
Dearly beloved and friends, we... Oh,
I'm sorry. Can we hold in a minute? She
319
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,700
has to go, darling. No, that can wait.
320
00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:28,400
No, no, this is an emergency. She just
told me. We'll be right back.
321
00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:32,940
If we're taking a break, I'd like to go,
too.
322
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,560
Do you, Anita, take Oscar as your
lawfully wedded husband?
323
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:46,580
Madam?
324
00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:47,740
I do.
325
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:53,710
You, Oscar, take Anita as your lawfully
wedded wife.
326
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:56,390
I do. I do.
327
00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:58,490
Certainly.
328
00:20:58,830 --> 00:21:03,350
If there be anyone here who objects to
this union, let them speak now or
329
00:21:03,350 --> 00:21:04,350
hold their peace.
330
00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:08,670
I think that I had better speak.
331
00:21:09,530 --> 00:21:11,090
I beg your pardon.
332
00:21:11,510 --> 00:21:16,930
Well, I don't want to forever hold my
peace. So, Oscar, would you talk to me
333
00:21:16,930 --> 00:21:19,590
a moment, please, privately? Excuse me.
We'll be right back, folks.
334
00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:25,970
What's the matter, honey?
335
00:21:26,070 --> 00:21:27,790
It's you. You're scared to death.
336
00:21:28,210 --> 00:21:29,750
No, I was ready to go through with this.
337
00:21:30,010 --> 00:21:32,070
You were praying for something to
happen.
338
00:21:32,270 --> 00:21:33,029
Like what?
339
00:21:33,030 --> 00:21:34,030
Anything. An earthquake.
340
00:21:34,270 --> 00:21:35,510
Oh, now, that's not true.
341
00:21:36,070 --> 00:21:39,930
Oscar, you were pressured into this,
first by Felix and then by me. You
342
00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:40,889
even propose.
343
00:21:40,890 --> 00:21:41,890
Yeah, but I meant to.
344
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:43,770
I know you did.
345
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:49,090
And I know you meant to try to make the
marriage work. But let's be honest with
346
00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:51,850
each other. I'm no more ready for this
than you are.
347
00:21:52,790 --> 00:21:54,610
You're not ready for this marriage
either?
348
00:21:54,910 --> 00:21:59,830
I was so happy to find a man who loved
my children and whom they loved that,
349
00:21:59,850 --> 00:22:04,330
well, I just ignored the fact that we're
really not ready for this kind of a
350
00:22:04,330 --> 00:22:05,330
commitment.
351
00:22:05,430 --> 00:22:06,510
At least not yet.
352
00:22:07,850 --> 00:22:10,650
You know, I kind of feel the same way.
353
00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:13,390
You're some kind of woman, you know
that?
354
00:22:14,070 --> 00:22:15,530
And you're a sweet guy.
355
00:22:20,810 --> 00:22:21,810
I'm sorry.
356
00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:25,900
Can I have everybody's attention,
please? I have an announcement to make.
357
00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:26,900
you come down here?
358
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:32,580
Look, after carefully considering what
we were about to do, Anita and I jointly
359
00:22:32,580 --> 00:22:36,080
decided that there isn't going to be any
wedding.
360
00:22:36,380 --> 00:22:38,500
Oh, I knew it. It's a face.
361
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,380
Come on, sweetie. No.
362
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,640
Look, it's nothing personal. You're a
great guest, and if we ever do get
363
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,260
married, we're certainly going to invite
you back.
364
00:22:48,620 --> 00:22:51,720
Thank you very much. Well, folks, that's
the way the wedding cake crumbles. Your
365
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,240
presents will be returned to you. No
reception?
366
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:55,740
I ate light.
367
00:22:58,780 --> 00:23:00,840
Felix, I'm sorry to disappoint you like
this.
368
00:23:01,060 --> 00:23:02,180
I'm going to save you, buddy.
369
00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:03,660
Folks, come back, come back.
370
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:09,460
We had planned some entertainment for
the reception, but so that it won't be a
371
00:23:09,460 --> 00:23:11,820
total loss, we'll have the entertainment
now.
372
00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:16,820
Now, first on the bill will be the
amazing Unger.
373
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:19,260
No applause, please.
374
00:23:19,580 --> 00:23:25,080
We have here a simple pitcher of milk.
375
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:28,600
Will you give me a drum roll, please?
376
00:23:52,490 --> 00:23:57,170
And so your mommy and I decided that for
the time being, I'd still be Uncle
377
00:23:57,170 --> 00:24:00,470
Oscar. But I'm going to be visiting a
lot, right? And we're going to go to the
378
00:24:00,470 --> 00:24:03,230
fair on Saturday. You're going to see
that great magician. And we're going to
379
00:24:03,230 --> 00:24:04,370
see a Robert Redford movie, right?
380
00:24:05,070 --> 00:24:06,070
Good night, Laurie.
381
00:24:07,190 --> 00:24:08,190
So long, Mark.
382
00:24:09,270 --> 00:24:10,270
I'll see you.
383
00:24:10,810 --> 00:24:11,810
Thanks, Felix.
384
00:24:14,770 --> 00:24:15,770
They're great kids.
385
00:24:16,470 --> 00:24:17,470
I'll call you Friday.
386
00:24:18,070 --> 00:24:19,070
I'll be here.
387
00:24:27,310 --> 00:24:28,470
I'm genuinely sorry.
388
00:24:29,590 --> 00:24:33,630
Tell me the truth. Is it my fault? No,
no, no. This is the best thing for
389
00:24:33,630 --> 00:24:34,630
everybody, honestly.
390
00:24:35,050 --> 00:24:37,170
But who knows? Maybe someday we might,
you know.
391
00:24:37,630 --> 00:24:38,630
I hope so.
392
00:24:39,090 --> 00:24:41,930
You can do something to help me.
Anything. Anything at all.
393
00:24:42,190 --> 00:24:43,550
Could you lend me $300?
394
00:24:45,190 --> 00:24:47,090
Because of the carpet I ruined?
395
00:24:47,310 --> 00:24:48,310
No, no.
396
00:24:48,710 --> 00:24:50,830
I bet Irwin I would go through with the
wedding.
397
00:24:53,070 --> 00:24:54,070
You bet.
398
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,200
On your own wedding? Well, wait, he had
the odds. He gave me five to two.
399
00:24:57,460 --> 00:24:59,020
I thought it was a strong thing, right?
30803
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof