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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:36,430 --> 00:00:37,430 Wipe your feet. 2 00:00:41,310 --> 00:00:43,170 Close the door. 3 00:00:49,610 --> 00:00:51,610 What's all the excitement? 4 00:00:52,590 --> 00:00:54,890 You don't have your radio on. Who's your radio? 5 00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:57,250 No, that's a humidor that looks like the radio. 6 00:00:58,250 --> 00:00:59,430 Football is the radio. 7 00:01:01,070 --> 00:01:03,890 I forgot it for being an usher at Dick Butkuth's wedding. 8 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:16,740 He'll be back in a minute. 9 00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:19,460 Oscar's got his own radio show. 10 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,480 Yeah. You know, I was cruising around my police car. You know, nothing to do. So 11 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,820 I thought I'd listen to some police calls for a while. But they're boring. 12 00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:28,740 So I changed stations. 13 00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:31,080 There was Oscar, his own show. 14 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,540 That's a talented guy. 15 00:01:32,820 --> 00:01:34,440 But why didn't he tell me? 16 00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:38,800 Gee, I could have gone down there. I'd have cleaned off his desk. I'd have 17 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:39,800 off the mic. 18 00:01:40,140 --> 00:01:43,720 I've told him exactly what to do every single second he was on the air. I'd 19 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,060 never have left his side. Why didn't he tell me? 20 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,000 Are you hurt, Felix? 21 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:51,320 No. 22 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:22,850 The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience. 23 00:03:29,050 --> 00:03:32,050 Oh, Belter's running time. Could I use one? 24 00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:33,630 Where's mine? 25 00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:36,770 In a pulled -up pan in the icebox, I'm sure. 26 00:03:38,970 --> 00:03:39,970 Uh -huh. 27 00:03:40,870 --> 00:03:41,870 Rough day? 28 00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:44,510 Okay, like any other day, just a regular day. 29 00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,550 What did you do this regular day? 30 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:50,710 I covered the Yankee game. I wrote my column. Did your radio show? Did my 31 00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:53,330 show. Oh, boy. No wonder we're having cocktails for one. 32 00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:57,110 Well, I was hoping I could keep it from you for more than one day. Why do you 33 00:03:57,110 --> 00:03:58,110 want to keep it from me? 34 00:03:58,290 --> 00:04:01,230 The whole city listening in. I'm sitting here with a football on. 35 00:04:04,279 --> 00:04:08,480 Because you're a Budinsky, and this is a very important opportunity for me. I 36 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,300 would love to have a radio show of my own. 37 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,980 They're trying all new formats down there. The Pillow's two hours. 38 00:04:14,180 --> 00:04:17,899 They tried political discussions and gardening. Now they're trying a sports 39 00:04:17,899 --> 00:04:20,440 show. I know you'd want to butt in, even though you don't know anything about 40 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,650 sports. But I know everything about radio. You do? Of course. Of course I 41 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,290 Radio's in my blood, mister. 42 00:04:25,570 --> 00:04:28,370 In college, I managed the radio station for three years. 43 00:04:28,650 --> 00:04:32,650 I did everything. I was on the air. I was the newscaster. I was the disc 44 00:04:32,670 --> 00:04:33,670 I wrote the shows. 45 00:04:33,710 --> 00:04:35,570 The whole campus listened to the big F. 46 00:04:36,070 --> 00:04:37,070 The big F? 47 00:04:37,690 --> 00:04:41,430 That's me. Turn your dial for a while to the voice with the smile. 48 00:04:41,710 --> 00:04:44,250 F -E -L -I -X. Mark the spot. 49 00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:46,570 1290 on your radio dot. 50 00:04:47,390 --> 00:04:48,590 And dot's a lot. 51 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,540 That's college humor. Yeah, but college humor, that's amateur. 52 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:56,480 This is the big time. I was professional. When I was a kid, I was on 53 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,200 Pretend. I played all kinds of parts. I was a frog once. 54 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,080 Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit. 55 00:05:02,140 --> 00:05:03,380 I'm in the actor's union. 56 00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:04,920 Want to see a union card? 57 00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:09,520 You were a member of the radio's actor's union? I still am. 58 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,960 Paid my dues for 20 years waiting for radio to come back. 59 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,360 Well, when it comes back, you don't tell me about it. 60 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,880 See, that's another reason I didn't tell you. Peter, you've got to understand, 61 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,820 this is not your big moment. It is my big moment. 62 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,900 Now, I don't want to talk about my radio show anymore. 63 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,460 Just give me my dinner. 64 00:05:27,740 --> 00:05:29,460 When I finish my martini. 65 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:31,360 Oh, wait. 66 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:39,480 And you heard the show, huh? 67 00:05:40,580 --> 00:05:42,040 I thought you didn't want to talk about it. 68 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,300 I know. 69 00:05:47,219 --> 00:05:48,219 Would you like it? 70 00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:52,560 There's only one thing wrong with your radio show. What's that? 71 00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,180 You don't have any personality. 72 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:58,640 Look who's an authority. 73 00:05:58,920 --> 00:05:59,980 Oh, that's a lot. 74 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:06,540 What do you mean? What's wrong? 75 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,100 You have to have a distinctive style for radio. 76 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,960 You have to use your natural guest on the air. 77 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,330 Yeah, but you can't see sloppiness on the radio. 78 00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:19,050 There are other aspects of your personality that you could use on the 79 00:06:19,050 --> 00:06:21,410 hostility, sarcasm. 80 00:06:21,770 --> 00:06:24,390 You're very good at that. Those are your strong points. I'm not kidding. 81 00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:29,310 Nothing succeeds in boosting the ratings like a touch of venom, and that's right 82 00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:31,070 up your alley. You're the best in the world at that. 83 00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:33,590 I get the feeling I'm being insulted. No, no, no, no. 84 00:06:34,550 --> 00:06:38,170 I'm not kidding. I mean it. Instead of saying, very nice of you to call, sir, 85 00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,870 you should say, get off the air, you stupid creep. 86 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,300 That's you. That's hostility. That's self. People love it. Look at Howard 87 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:48,300 Cosell. You don't tell me people love to be called stupid creeps. We didn't, 88 00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:51,960 certainly. Yes, but the main thing is, you weren't real, Oscar. You weren't 89 00:06:52,140 --> 00:06:55,720 You know, you got a couple of people. They asked some very stupid questions. I 90 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,280 wouldn't let them have it. Why didn't you let them have it? Get in there. 91 00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:00,300 them. I think you're right. Of course I'm right. 92 00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:03,520 I wasn't very successful at that. I didn't get many cold calls at that. 93 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,160 I'm going to write down some hostile notes right now. And you said I couldn't 94 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,160 help you. 95 00:07:14,380 --> 00:07:15,500 Well, my pencils are broken. 96 00:07:16,460 --> 00:07:17,460 Marie did it. 97 00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:26,420 Hello? 98 00:07:27,460 --> 00:07:29,000 Hello. I'm looking for Oscar Madison. 99 00:07:29,340 --> 00:07:32,320 Oh, he'll be back in a minute. Can I help? I'm Tina, Mr. Madison's secretary. 100 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,180 Tina? Where's Myrna? 101 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:35,480 On vacation. 102 00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:36,540 Ah. 103 00:07:37,260 --> 00:07:38,380 I'm sure to get the act right. 104 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,560 Ah, you must be Mr. 105 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,880 Unger. Oscar told you about me, huh? Yeah. 106 00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:46,220 Want to tell you a lot of neat Greek jokes? Yeah. 107 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,740 Told you I polish my shoe trees? Yeah. 108 00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:54,600 Did I use the water pick on my toes? 109 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:55,880 No. 110 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,420 Hello, everybody. This is the Big App. 111 00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:23,140 Felix Unger broadcasting to you from high atop the library building. And now 112 00:08:23,140 --> 00:08:25,120 news as the time will allow. Berlin, Germany. 113 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,560 Today, Adolf Hitler announced his intention of invading Poland. 114 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,020 I love to invade, he said, when questioned by this reporter. 115 00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:34,580 And now the weather report for Mexico. 116 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,260 Chilly today and hot tamale. 117 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:41,760 And now... Who are you? 118 00:08:42,580 --> 00:08:45,160 I'm Felix Unger. I'm a personal friend of Oscar Madison. 119 00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:49,370 Well, I'm Jim Antrobus. I'm the station manager. Now, don't fool with that gear. 120 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:52,730 Okay. You never can tell when a mic is live. Oh, I can always tell a hot mic 121 00:08:52,730 --> 00:08:53,730 when I see one. 122 00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:57,590 So you're in charge here, huh? You're the man who decides who goes on and who 123 00:08:57,590 --> 00:08:58,489 goes off? 124 00:08:58,490 --> 00:09:00,510 Yeah. Me and the listeners. 125 00:09:00,770 --> 00:09:01,309 Uh -huh. 126 00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:02,770 See all those little buttons there? 127 00:09:02,990 --> 00:09:04,370 Don't touch it. 128 00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:09,910 If a program is popular, they light up like a Christmas tree. It's a sign that 129 00:09:09,910 --> 00:09:13,470 people are trying to get through on the phone. Uh -huh. If no lights blink, no 130 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,570 Christmas. And no Christmas bonus, huh? 131 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:20,810 Hi. Hi, Jim. 132 00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:23,090 Good luck on your show today, Oscar. 133 00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:25,890 I'll be listening in my office. 134 00:09:26,390 --> 00:09:27,490 What are you doing here? 135 00:09:27,690 --> 00:09:30,490 Came down to help you. You want to help me go sit in the corner somewhere? I'll 136 00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:31,490 be on the air in a few seconds. 137 00:09:32,790 --> 00:09:33,830 Just remember one thing. 138 00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:35,670 Be me. 139 00:09:35,750 --> 00:09:37,350 Be hot. Be yourself. 140 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:38,610 Okay, okay. 141 00:09:38,790 --> 00:09:39,790 Ready, Oscar? 142 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:40,870 Where's your announcer? 143 00:09:40,930 --> 00:09:41,930 What announcer? 144 00:09:42,010 --> 00:09:44,950 To tell the people who you are, what you're going to do in the new format. I 145 00:09:44,950 --> 00:09:47,810 don't know, Phoenix. I'm not Ted using you. We're on the air, Oscar. Go. 146 00:09:48,310 --> 00:09:49,810 Hi there, sports fans. 147 00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:54,710 Don't be down. The man with the frown is coming around to drag you down to the 148 00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:57,250 ground. And here he is, Mr. 149 00:09:57,570 --> 00:09:59,730 Venom, Oscar Bad Madison. 150 00:10:01,430 --> 00:10:03,850 Welcome to the Oscar Madison Sports Talk Show. 151 00:10:04,190 --> 00:10:07,130 There's going to be a lot of talk tonight. Some of it you'll like and some 152 00:10:07,130 --> 00:10:10,410 you won't. Well, either way, why don't you call 555... 153 00:10:11,290 --> 00:10:14,510 6181. Let me know how you feel and let us get to the first phone call right 154 00:10:14,950 --> 00:10:16,470 Hello? Yes, ma 'am. 155 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:18,090 What's on your mind, dummy? 156 00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:23,330 Oh, listen to this, hockey puck gang. 157 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:44,300 driver that did this to me because of what I said about the mess. He's a fan. 158 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,840 Yeah, and the bartender recognized my voice and threw the beer in my face. 159 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:48,699 Another fan? 160 00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:49,700 You're darn right. 161 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,100 The only time you need worry is when they stop throwing beer in your face. 162 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:55,720 Hello? 163 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,000 Yeah, it's us. Come on. 164 00:10:57,380 --> 00:10:58,380 Oh, 165 00:10:58,500 --> 00:10:59,500 calm down, will you? 166 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,160 Look at this. Another one. Wait. Whoa. 167 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,620 What? Yeah. 168 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:06,420 Yes. Yes. I said water polo is a dumb sport. That's right. 169 00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:08,160 Yes, I can swim. 170 00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:11,380 Swim up what? 171 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:14,020 Goodbye. 172 00:11:14,180 --> 00:11:15,280 They love you. 173 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:18,040 They hate me. No, they love to hate you. 174 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,440 Look, I never promised you that they would love you. I promised you they'd 175 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,700 listen to you. Yeah, they listen to me. Both fits the clench. What's the matter 176 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:30,240 with you? I don't know. I don't think they want to take it down there. No, 177 00:11:30,340 --> 00:11:31,340 Yes, sir. 178 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,080 Yeah. Bye -bye. 179 00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:46,160 Huh? Another fan, huh? No, that was Antrobus from the radio station. We have 180 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,160 cut out the hostility. 181 00:11:47,460 --> 00:11:51,160 What? He says people aren't listening to their radios anymore. They're breaking 182 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,320 them. He's getting hate mail from Quakers. 183 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,560 We'll cut out the hostility. 184 00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:58,800 There's no problem. You adjust. They don't want hostility. You give them Mr. 185 00:11:58,960 --> 00:11:59,579 Nice Guy. 186 00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:03,060 You said they like Howard Cassell. They don't like Nice Guy. Nice, nice, as 187 00:12:03,060 --> 00:12:06,780 always. It's nice. It's another aspect of your personality. You with that 188 00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:11,000 wonderful charm, that radness and charm, that million -dollar smile. Oh, come 189 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,620 on. You can't see a smile on radio. 190 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:16,200 Oh, sure you can. Let's see the smile there. Yeah, that's nice. 191 00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,900 A little bit of sandwich in the tooth there. 192 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,440 See? 193 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:26,720 The face with a smile is the voice with a smile. You better get out of here 194 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:27,940 before I break both your legs. 195 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:35,020 You're at the radio station. You're getting a phone call. You respond with 196 00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:38,560 with Mr. Nice. Go ahead. Pick up the phone. The phone call's coming in. 197 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:39,760 No. Hello. 198 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,300 Hello. Nice. We go, hello. Hello. 199 00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:43,620 Hello. 200 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,180 Hello, 201 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,420 you stupid creep. 202 00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:48,620 Why don't you get off the air? 203 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,520 Charm. Be nice. 204 00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:55,260 I'm very glad you called, sir. I'm interested in your opinion. I'm not 205 00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:58,280 interested. I can't talk to somebody like that. Somebody talks to me angrily. 206 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:03,260 Nobody can do it. Of course not. It's nothing to do with it. Why, you do it. 207 00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:06,280 Easy. I recall my early training. All right, let me see you do it. All right. 208 00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:07,440 Nothing to it. Hello? 209 00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:09,740 Hello? Is this Dr. Madison? 210 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,040 Yes, this is he. 211 00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:13,060 Listen, you big mouth creep. 212 00:13:13,420 --> 00:13:15,380 You don't know nothing about nothing. 213 00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:18,140 Why don't you stop polluting the air and get off it? 214 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,520 Why, you ugly little ignoramus. 215 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,060 the nice and sweet with the little. Nobody talks to me that way. 216 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,920 Feel better? You talked about it? What's there to talk about? 217 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,920 For two days, I've been Mr. Nice Guy at the station. I haven't gotten one phone 218 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:41,920 call yet. I didn't get one. 219 00:13:42,140 --> 00:13:44,100 The guy wanted to tell me Mambo lessons. 220 00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:52,370 Oscar, what would you say if I told you that I figured out a way to make the 221 00:13:52,370 --> 00:13:55,590 Oscar Madison show the talk of New York. I'm going to tell you something. Listen 222 00:13:55,590 --> 00:13:58,610 carefully. There are two things in this world I don't need right now. 223 00:13:59,110 --> 00:14:00,470 That's you and a fungus. 224 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,510 Even fungus begins with fun. 225 00:14:09,990 --> 00:14:12,910 You make me laugh. 226 00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:15,450 Gang, come on. 227 00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:17,210 Good morning, Mr. Madison. 228 00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:18,530 Good morning, Oscar. 229 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,380 You want an audience to watch me eat? 230 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,160 Bear with me, Oscar. 231 00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:30,920 Believe me, what your show needs is to return to those thrilling days of 232 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,960 yesteryear when out of the past came the thundering hoofbeats of real live 233 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:34,960 radio. 234 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,200 You ready, Cass? 235 00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:38,420 Ready. 236 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,360 We're on the air. 237 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,320 Come on, Jimmy. 238 00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:48,270 We've got to get to the secret headquarters of the mysterious Dr. Zwab 239 00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:50,830 midnight, or the entire world will explode. 240 00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:56,030 Yes, fellas and gals, it's time once again for America's great crusader, the 241 00:14:56,030 --> 00:14:57,290 adventuring ranger! 242 00:14:57,610 --> 00:14:58,830 Ranger! Ranger! 243 00:14:59,870 --> 00:15:01,270 I don't believe it. 244 00:15:01,910 --> 00:15:03,570 I wrote this in college. 245 00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:07,210 And now, back to the adventuring ranger! 246 00:15:07,550 --> 00:15:08,810 Ranger! Ranger! 247 00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:12,910 Let's join the adventuring ranger and his young cohort, Jimmy. 248 00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:17,130 as they make their way through the dense jungle underbrush towards the castle of 249 00:15:17,130 --> 00:15:18,130 the mysterious Dr. 250 00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:20,050 Zwob. The ranger speaks. 251 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:22,690 Just follow along behind, Jimmy. 252 00:15:22,910 --> 00:15:29,530 I'll just put my foot in your cupped hands here and lift myself onto the 253 00:15:29,710 --> 00:15:33,170 Jump up here and grab the top of the wolf. 254 00:15:34,930 --> 00:15:36,970 I'll stop at the end of that attack. 255 00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:42,030 I get it with all those grunts going on. You don't like the adventuring ranger? 256 00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:43,210 Ranger! 257 00:15:47,910 --> 00:15:50,050 I'll be outside with him in just a minute. 258 00:15:51,330 --> 00:15:55,010 Oscar, this is real radio. 259 00:15:55,470 --> 00:15:58,030 Felix, that is hardcore nonsense. 260 00:15:59,010 --> 00:16:03,570 I'm doing a sports talk show, not a kiddie matinee from the 40s. 261 00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:23,330 Wait. 262 00:16:23,590 --> 00:16:27,110 Better. Better, better, better. What's better? What's better? We won't do the 263 00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:30,890 adventuring rage. Look how he listens finally to a man who's been aggravated 264 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:35,570 death. I'll write authentic, factual stories of great moments in sports. 265 00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:37,030 But you don't know anything about sports. 266 00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:38,390 I'll make them up. 267 00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:47,450 I know what you're doing. Felix. Is that all your music, Mark? Felix? 268 00:16:47,830 --> 00:16:51,460 Yes, sir. I just read your script. I mean, this isn't the story about Babe 269 00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:54,400 and the kid. The names are wrong. The places are wrong. It's not the way it 270 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,700 happened. But it's better than the way it happened. This is dramatization based 271 00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:58,700 on rumor. 272 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,900 This script is going out over the air? 273 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,260 Well, it's a new concept. 274 00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:07,040 New concept? This is what killed radio. 275 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,440 We're going to light up your switchboard. 276 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,440 This is going to make you the hero of broadcasting. Who are these people? 277 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,020 This is my cast. 278 00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:17,280 Well, I hope they're members of the union. If they're not, they can't 279 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,220 What kind of bilge water are you pumping, mister? 280 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:24,220 Don't worry, kids. He can't do anything to us. I'm sorry. It's union rule. 281 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,579 Union? You say union? 282 00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:27,040 You want to see a union card? 283 00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:29,380 I'll show you a union card. What does that look like? 284 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,460 That is a union card. You're darn right. 285 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:33,660 All right. You're all right. But these two will have to go. 286 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:34,960 Sorry, kid. 287 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,640 Radio. Showbiz. Better luck next time. You see how smart I was to pay my dues? 288 00:17:40,780 --> 00:17:43,540 Felix, this was written for four people. So what's the difference? This is 289 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:44,540 radio. We'll double. 290 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,360 That's radio. That's the beauty part. 291 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,360 Okay, everybody set? Cast? We're the cast. 292 00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:50,620 Right. Sound effect. 293 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:52,360 Music. Okay. 294 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:55,919 What's that? 295 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:56,799 What's what? 296 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:57,800 That weed. 297 00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:00,340 Oh, nothing. It's a smoker's call. 298 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,580 Well, Mr. Bill, what's that? 299 00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:05,840 Are you going to be all right? I'll put it out. I'll be all right. Okay, sure. 300 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:12,860 Okay, let's go. Get him out of here. Would you mind waiting outside until 301 00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:15,020 is over, sir? Do I get paid? Yes, you'll be paid double. 302 00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:20,170 You know what to do. You watch the sound effects. You'll do the thing. But I'm 303 00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:20,929 the narrator. 304 00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:25,230 It's a small part. You'll do it. I noticed that. All right, Sega. All 305 00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,350 everybody, cup your ears. 306 00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,660 Madison show, Great Moment in Sport. 307 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,240 Felix Unger, your host. 308 00:18:56,140 --> 00:19:00,320 Right now, the star of our show, the Dean of America Sportswriters, Oscar 309 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,620 Madison, your host, is Felix Unger. 310 00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:08,740 Thank you. Let's get right to our story, the year 1932. 311 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,500 Extra, extra, President Roosevelt, elected president. 312 00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:13,180 To play Chicago. 313 00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:17,720 The Windy City. 314 00:19:18,470 --> 00:19:21,630 Babe Ruth, then playing for the Yankees, was looking forward to that afternoon's 315 00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:25,430 World Series game with the Cubs. The morning of the game, as was his want, he 316 00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:27,570 visited the Children's Ward of Mercy Hospital. 317 00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:33,530 Dr. Chern, call surgery. 318 00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:35,850 Dr. Chern, call surgery. 319 00:19:36,930 --> 00:19:39,850 And now, the Babe Feet. 320 00:19:41,790 --> 00:19:46,810 Gee, nurse, it sure is swell to see all those poor kids in the hospital looking 321 00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:47,810 so perky. 322 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,540 It's you that makes them feel perky, baby Ruth. 323 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,060 You're a peachy guy. 324 00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:58,420 Oh, you're a grand girl to say that. I'm just glad the good Lord allows me to be 325 00:19:58,420 --> 00:20:01,380 here. Ah, look, here comes the doctor. 326 00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:06,740 Hello, doctor. 327 00:20:07,860 --> 00:20:08,860 Hey, hello. 328 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,740 I think I'll stop walking now. 329 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,380 I caught you before you went out to Wrigley Field, Bambino. 330 00:20:18,620 --> 00:20:20,580 Oh, something I could do for you, Doctor? 331 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:25,740 There is just one child who hasn't seen you, and it'll break his little heart if 332 00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:30,880 we don't stop by. Oh, sure is shooting. Always time for a kid in trouble. 333 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,760 Right this way, immortal babe. 334 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,400 And so, fate played a hand that afternoon in Chicago. 335 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:47,040 As they approached the bedside, a poor little Billy, who was ill with a rare 336 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:51,100 tropical disease for which there was no cure, he was sobbing quietly. 337 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,060 The nurse spoke softly. 338 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:58,380 The child stopped crying when the nurse spoke softly. 339 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,640 Little Billy? Yes? 340 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,780 The immortal babe is here to see you. 341 00:21:05,780 --> 00:21:09,100 Mr. Roof? Just call me babe. 342 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:10,940 Oh, gee, willikers. 343 00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:15,340 That's Bambino. 344 00:21:16,980 --> 00:21:18,960 It sure is nice to see you. 345 00:21:19,580 --> 00:21:22,000 Hey, kid, you got a radio. 346 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,980 Yeah, it's a keen one. It doesn't get any static. 347 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,280 Well, you'll be listening to the ball game this afternoon. 348 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,780 And when the announcer tells you I'm up to bat, I'm going to point to a spot in 349 00:21:31,780 --> 00:21:34,560 right field grandstands and hit a home run right into that spot. 350 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,060 And it's going to be just for you, little Billy. 351 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:46,320 the stadium. 352 00:21:46,860 --> 00:21:47,860 Well done. 353 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,080 Top of the eighth here at Wrigley Field. 354 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:51,280 The bases are loaded. 355 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,620 The babe steps up to the plate. 356 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:56,200 A hush falls over the crowd. 357 00:21:57,140 --> 00:22:00,780 Wait a minute. What's going on here? The immortal babe is pointing to the right 358 00:22:00,780 --> 00:22:04,100 field bleachers and out there it means something to somebody somewhere. 359 00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:06,760 Consuela gets the signal again. 360 00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:08,940 There's the windup and the swing. 361 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,360 It's going. It's going. 362 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,120 I'll have it for you in just a minute. 363 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,700 Great. Oh, that's great. Look at the board. 364 00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:58,600 Look at the way that board's lit up. It's like a Christmas tree. You're doing 365 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,580 great. Just keep the energy up. Listen, you better look over the ending because 366 00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:02,880 I rewrote it. What was my ending? 367 00:23:03,100 --> 00:23:04,100 Go. 368 00:23:14,510 --> 00:23:17,810 and back to Oscar Madison's exceptionally great moment in fourth. 369 00:23:20,590 --> 00:23:24,230 Well, folks, Babe Ruth went on to fulfill his destiny and many more great 370 00:23:24,230 --> 00:23:28,550 moments in baseball, but poor little Billy got sicker and sicker until 371 00:23:28,550 --> 00:23:33,150 one day, when it looked like the end was near, in far -off England in a tiny 372 00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:35,490 laboratory, a miracle took place. 373 00:23:40,610 --> 00:23:42,950 I see. 374 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:47,440 Dr. Margolis, I think I've done it. 375 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,980 Hmm? What's that, Dr. Fleming? 376 00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:54,120 I've discovered penicillin. 377 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,340 Yes, folks, penicillin. The big piece. 378 00:24:13,900 --> 00:24:15,360 and millions more like him. 379 00:24:19,300 --> 00:24:23,160 Felix Unger here, and as an interesting footnote, you might like to know that 380 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:27,100 Billy Pomerantz lives today quietly in a condominium in Iron Mountain, Michigan. 381 00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:31,640 The successful head of the Pomerantz Joke and Novelty Company, makers of the 382 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,340 world -famous Pomerantz Joybuster. 383 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,900 This is Felix Unger reminding you to tune in tomorrow for Oscar Madison's 384 00:24:37,900 --> 00:24:39,220 moments in sports. 385 00:24:39,460 --> 00:24:42,460 This is Felix Unger, your host. 386 00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:04,780 I've got hundreds of calls. No kidding. Isn't that great? 387 00:25:05,140 --> 00:25:06,180 Correcting the story. 388 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,480 It doesn't matter. What do they think about it in the front office? That's 389 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,300 counts. Oh, I love it. They're going to keep it as a regular feature. 390 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,800 No kidding. Only they're going to use professional actors. We're out. 391 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,600 I'm a professional actor. What are you talking about? 392 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:19,260 I'm a member of the union. 393 00:25:20,420 --> 00:25:21,700 Oh, come on. Don't. 30588

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