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trip to Chicago.
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Chicago was nice.
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Did you have a good trip?
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I ran into some cousins I haven't seen
in a good many years. Yeah?
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Yeah.
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I learned something that you'll find of
considerable interest, my friend.
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They want you to move in with them,
right?
8
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Don't make jokes.
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00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:04,040
There's water all over it.
10
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Was there a trip here? Yeah, I've been
dripping all day. It's driving me crazy.
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This is terrible.
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Well, tell me about your cousins. What'd
they say?
13
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What is the name?
14
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Blinky Madison mean to you?
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Gee, that's familiar.
16
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Well, it ought to be.
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It was your father.
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Oh, yeah. He used to blink a lot like
that. That's why they call him Blinky.
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This isn't water. It smells like... It
smells like beer to me, too. I know what
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you did, slob. Oh, it was an accident.
Forget about that.
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How did you know my father's name was
Blinky?
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Because your father tried to kill my
father.
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00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,720
The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a
live audience.
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00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,060
I didn't even know my father knew your
father.
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00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,240
I've got a lot of happy life. Hey, watch
it.
26
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,600
Say anything you like about me or my
mother, but no cracks about my father.
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I'm sorry.
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00:03:27,980 --> 00:03:31,120
I'm sorry. Tell me the story. I'm very
interested. My father was a wonderful
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00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,680
man. He was an optometrist.
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What are you laughing at? What was your
father? My father was a maker of a big
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restaurant. Some restaurant where they
don't serve food.
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00:03:40,230 --> 00:03:41,168
What does that mean?
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00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:42,170
Sit down.
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00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:46,970
I'm going to tell you a story that will
curl your hair.
35
00:03:47,670 --> 00:03:51,490
My father, Morris Unger, was the most
beloved man in Chicago.
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00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:57,550
Your father, Blinky Madison, ran a
speakeasy.
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00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:02,450
That was long ago when Chicago was
really wild.
38
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:09,700
It was the jazz age when folly was king
and crime sat in the driver's seat.
39
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,980
Blinky, I just can't seem to get it. Try
without the gum.
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00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,180
H .E., thanks. You sure know a lot about
dancing.
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00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:49,840
No, I know a lot about gum.
42
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:52,640
Let me shove that tea, will you?
43
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:59,700
Hey, that booze is too strong. Put some
more water in. Boss, it's half water
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00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:03,080
already. We're not watering down the
liquor. We're liquoring up the water.
45
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,640
Oh, I forgot.
46
00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:05,940
Hey, Buzzy.
47
00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:07,700
Hello, how are you?
48
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,220
Hi, Commissioner.
49
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,860
Kim, go change the camper in the men's
room.
50
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,620
Has the big boss been in tonight?
51
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:21,440
No, he's at the funeral pub. Did someone
die? Not yet. He's getting an estimate.
52
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I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it.
53
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,040
Oh, there's a bunch of Shriners.
54
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,000
It's a raid!
55
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,900
Linky, the big boss ain't gonna like
this.
56
00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:37,890
It's the third time this month. You're
going to have to bail us out. What's
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00:05:37,890 --> 00:05:39,430
wrong with you? I don't know.
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00:05:39,850 --> 00:05:40,910
I think it's my eyes.
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00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:53,410
All right, Mr. Belson, you take care of
those eyes and they'll
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00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:54,570
take care of you. Next.
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00:05:56,210 --> 00:05:57,210
Come right in, sir.
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00:05:57,930 --> 00:05:58,930
What is your name?
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00:05:58,950 --> 00:06:00,470
Madison. Mr. Madison.
64
00:06:00,710 --> 00:06:01,710
All righty.
65
00:06:02,099 --> 00:06:05,460
Now, what seems to be the trouble, Mr.
Madden? Well, I can't see through little
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00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:06,460
openings at night.
67
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:11,760
Can't see through little openings at
night.
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00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,040
Tell me, can you arrange your schedule
so you can look through these little
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00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,040
openings during the daytime?
70
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,960
No, they're closed during the day. Ah,
closed during day.
71
00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:23,240
What seems to be the trouble with your
eyes?
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00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,300
Well, I blink a lot, see? They call me
Blinky.
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00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:26,899
Ah -ha.
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00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:29,700
Well, we'll change that moniker, won't
we? Sit down, sit down. Thank you.
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00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:45,410
What ride you got there? You mean on my
back? Yes. Yes, my son Felix thought of
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00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:49,610
that. I have a kid. Yes, seven years
old. I don't know how he finds the time.
77
00:06:49,770 --> 00:06:54,750
But with school and Boy Scouts and piano
lessons and cooking three meals a day.
78
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:57,170
Tell me, do you have children?
79
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:58,530
Yes, I have a boy seven too.
80
00:06:58,770 --> 00:07:00,210
Ah, what are his interests?
81
00:07:00,510 --> 00:07:01,510
Horses. Horses.
82
00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:03,649
You ride?
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00:07:03,650 --> 00:07:04,650
No handicaps.
84
00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:10,410
Eyes of blue say I love you. Eyes of
brown never frown.
85
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,240
You said again? Yes, my son made that
up.
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00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,580
I tell you, he's a pimp. He's a pimp.
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00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:18,780
All right, let's look at the eye chart,
shall we?
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00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:20,620
Can you read the top line?
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00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,380
Eye. Neck.
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00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,040
L -O. Neck.
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00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:25,640
V -Y.
92
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:26,800
Very good. Neck.
93
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,220
O -U -D.
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00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:32,400
Neck. A -D -D -Y. All right.
95
00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:33,880
Now read it all together.
96
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,580
I love you, Daddy.
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00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:39,720
My son made that up, too.
98
00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:40,619
The pip?
99
00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:41,620
Yes, yes.
100
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,420
Oh, that boy, I tell you.
101
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,060
Well, there's nothing much wrong with
having you fixed up in a jiffy. Nothing
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00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:49,320
much to worry about. Well, thanks. Now,
listen, if you're ever in my
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00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,080
neighborhood, look me up, will you? I'll
show you a good time.
104
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:54,360
I should be delighted. Good. Here you
are.
105
00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:55,499
Is that a prescription?
106
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,360
Yes. Take that to your grocer.
107
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,820
Eat a bunch of carrots a day? That's
right.
108
00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:02,780
You have a little night blindness.
109
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,140
Vitamin A deficiency.
110
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,020
Carrots will fix that up.
111
00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:08,590
A carrot a day keeps the optometrist
away.
112
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,410
I made that one up myself.
113
00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:14,090
You're a pimp, too, huh?
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00:08:15,970 --> 00:08:17,030
Pops the pimp. Yeah.
115
00:08:17,710 --> 00:08:20,790
You're gonna need glasses, so let's try
these on for size, shall we? No, no, no,
116
00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:23,850
no, Doc. No glasses. I'm not gonna wear
glasses on my friend's lap. Nobody
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00:08:23,850 --> 00:08:26,690
laughs at glasses in this day and age.
Come on, let's try them on.
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00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:29,930
Anybody laughs at you, you just send
them to see me.
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00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:48,340
It's okay.
120
00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:56,300
See, Bart, since you got those glasses,
you haven't made one mistake.
121
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,720
Yeah, but it ain't all great.
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00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:00,520
Today I got the first good look at my
kid Oscar's room.
123
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:01,760
Wow.
124
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:03,360
I'll get this one.
125
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,040
Yeah? Hi there.
126
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,320
Is this the Madison residence?
127
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,140
What? Wait a minute, I'll get it.
128
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:09,360
Hey, how you doing?
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00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,960
I see you. Can you see me? I talk, I
know.
130
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,350
Well, I can't have a party every night.
131
00:09:20,590 --> 00:09:23,990
Well, if I had a wonderful playroom like
this in my basement, I think I would,
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00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:27,250
too. I ought to reach my table for my
friend here. Come on in. Well, I should
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00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:30,110
have telephoned before I came over, but
I'll check your specs.
134
00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:31,109
How are they feeling?
135
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:34,170
Great. Look, Doc, I take them off, I
stop blinking, I put them on, I see
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00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:37,090
I don't blink anymore. You look very
handsome. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, sit
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00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:38,850
down. Sit down. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
138
00:09:39,610 --> 00:09:40,589
What would you like to drink?
139
00:09:40,590 --> 00:09:44,210
Well, I think a little iced tea wouldn't
do any harm. Good idea. A little tea
140
00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:46,210
for my friend. The best stuff. Mostly
tea.
141
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:48,980
Like a jolly crowd?
142
00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:54,460
Say, speaking of fun, you should have
been at the optometrist convention this
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00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:55,460
year.
144
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,460
We held it in Cleveland.
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00:09:58,020 --> 00:09:59,020
Oh, boy.
146
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:02,020
I tell you, we really let our hair down.
147
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,560
We chartered our own train, the bifocal
local.
148
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,160
We had a hot one going around.
149
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:11,940
Stop me if you've heard this one.
150
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,680
A cross -eyed school teacher who
couldn't keep her pupils straight.
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00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:20,630
Sky was the limit.
152
00:10:21,650 --> 00:10:22,650
Thank you. Good.
153
00:10:22,670 --> 00:10:24,590
Okay, bottoms up, Doc. Thank you very
much.
154
00:10:27,350 --> 00:10:29,290
Oh, boy, isn't that different? Yeah,
nothing but the best.
155
00:10:30,270 --> 00:10:31,270
Very good.
156
00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:32,290
Mmm.
157
00:10:32,870 --> 00:10:36,190
That's tangy. Good. I never tasted this
before.
158
00:10:36,450 --> 00:10:38,330
Where do you get this stuff? We import
it from Tennessee.
159
00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:41,670
Is that a fact? Yeah, that came last
night. Is that a fact? That's a fact.
160
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,530
Excuse me for a minute. We can lose it.
161
00:10:44,090 --> 00:10:47,710
I'd like you to meet a very dear friend
of mine. This is Dr. Unger. This is
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00:10:47,710 --> 00:10:49,790
Lucy. Show him a very good time. Be very
nice to him.
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00:10:49,990 --> 00:10:51,390
A doctor,
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00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:53,249
huh? Yes.
165
00:10:53,250 --> 00:10:54,290
You make house calls?
166
00:10:55,210 --> 00:10:59,010
No. Oh, well, then we'll just have to
get acquainted right here, huh?
167
00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:01,530
What do they call you, Dr. Unger?
168
00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:03,710
They call me Dr. Unger.
169
00:11:05,070 --> 00:11:09,170
No, no, I mean your nickname. You know,
like they call me Lute, short for Lucy.
170
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:18,940
professor. They call me Shakespeare.
They call me four eyes and things of
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00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:21,580
nature. Well, I think you're the cat's
meow.
172
00:11:21,940 --> 00:11:23,600
Could I be your kitten?
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00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:36,100
Lou, before you fall in love with me, I
want you to know that I have
174
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:39,200
a, um, a, um, what's the word I want?
175
00:12:14,670 --> 00:12:15,670
Hands up!
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00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:18,150
Everybody, get your hands up! I'm not
kidding now!
177
00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:21,910
Hands up, please. Hello, I'm the
manager. Can I buy you a drink, sir? You
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00:12:21,910 --> 00:12:26,370
to buy me a drink? I'm a federal agent.
For the last time, this is a raid. Oh,
179
00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:29,290
come on. We look everybody's having a
good time. You want to spoil their fun?
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00:12:29,710 --> 00:12:32,830
I work for the government. It's my job
to spoil the people's fun.
181
00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:38,490
It's the big boss.
182
00:12:39,690 --> 00:12:40,690
President Hoover?
183
00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:43,430
No, the big boss.
184
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,030
Hi, boss.
185
00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:46,490
Good evening, Blinky.
186
00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:49,130
Who's the gentleman with the badge?
187
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:50,470
Oh, he's a fed.
188
00:12:52,630 --> 00:12:55,090
Any fed of the government is a fed of
mine.
189
00:12:56,730 --> 00:13:00,410
Hey, that's pretty good, boss. That's
very good, Blinky. That's very good,
190
00:13:00,410 --> 00:13:01,410
Blinky.
191
00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:04,690
What's the matter with him? Why isn't he
laughing? Well, it's a raid.
192
00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:07,430
Did you offer him a hospitality, a
drink?
193
00:13:07,690 --> 00:13:08,690
Yeah, he said no.
194
00:13:09,570 --> 00:13:11,830
It appears we're dealing with an honest
man.
195
00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:13,070
You sure are.
196
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:19,740
Under the circumstances, will that take
care of things for a little while?
197
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:22,620
Forever.
198
00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:25,400
Come on over to the parlor.
199
00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:28,300
Did you see that?
200
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,040
Sure, now with these glasses, I see
everything.
201
00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:34,680
That man accepted the bribe. I wouldn't
exactly call it a bribe. He took a great
202
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,660
deal of money for not doing his job,
according to Webster's unabridged
203
00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:39,300
dictionary. Stop fondling. This isn't
serious.
204
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:44,650
A bribe, all right. That man should be
reported.
205
00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:46,270
All right, tell him there's the
commissioner.
206
00:13:49,770 --> 00:13:51,910
That is the police commissioner?
207
00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:54,530
Yeah, tell him. And he's in on it, too?
208
00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:59,150
Dr. Runga, everybody's in on it except
you. Now, have some fun. I want to see a
209
00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:02,390
smile on everybody's kisser now. Lucy,
will you show him a good time? Relax,
210
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:03,450
Doc. Enjoy yourself.
211
00:14:04,490 --> 00:14:07,610
Am I the last moral man left in the
world?
212
00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:09,710
Well, I'm moral.
213
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:11,130
Then why don't you do something?
214
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:13,360
I can't get off till four.
215
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,060
Mr. Morris Unger.
216
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,240
No, don't write that down. I want this
to be an anonymous call.
217
00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:02,680
What I am about to tell you will blast
this town wide open.
218
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:09,440
But it must never reach the ears of your
police commissioner because he is in on
219
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:10,440
it.
220
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:16,420
Sergeant, I know I speak for every
honest man in this town when I say I am
221
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,040
up to here. My hand is under my chin.
222
00:15:20,270 --> 00:15:22,270
With corruption in high places.
223
00:15:22,770 --> 00:15:26,510
How can I teach my son to respect the
law when those who are to uphold it,
224
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:27,510
it?
225
00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:35,670
Weald? So that's when my father wanted
to kill your father.
226
00:15:35,870 --> 00:15:36,870
No, that came later.
227
00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:41,890
After my father did what any good
citizen would do, that got your father
228
00:15:41,890 --> 00:15:44,370
water. Big Boss was furious.
229
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:47,310
So the next day...
230
00:15:52,449 --> 00:15:54,330
Okay, baby, that's enough. That's
enough.
231
00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:56,710
Get lost, eh?
232
00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:02,350
How come every time I kiss her on the
neck, I get gum on my nose?
233
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:07,290
Hi, boss. You want to see me?
234
00:16:07,610 --> 00:16:08,610
20 minutes ago.
235
00:16:08,910 --> 00:16:11,810
20 minutes ago? That's when you called
me. That's when I wanted to see you.
236
00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:13,570
I'm sorry I'm late, boss.
237
00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:14,790
Sit down.
238
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:20,410
Your friend, Dr. Unger, squealed about
our little club here. He did?
239
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,340
Yeah, and you know my rule about
squealers.
240
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:24,560
They die.
241
00:16:25,540 --> 00:16:27,320
Yeah, it's one of my best rules.
242
00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:29,140
Who's gonna kill them?
243
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,960
We're gonna draw straws.
244
00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:40,880
Looks like you're it, Blinky.
245
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,800
Oh, wait a minute, boss. Look.
246
00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:47,220
When it comes to cutting the booze or
patting somebody's bill, I'm the
247
00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:50,320
one, but I can't really. I never killed
anybody in my life. All right, all
248
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:51,239
right, all right.
249
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,640
You don't want the gun? No, sir. Thank
you. All right, then I'll just give you
250
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:55,640
the bullet. I'll take it all.
251
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,840
Get going.
252
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:03,820
And Blinky, just in case you lose your
nerve or you change your mind, I'm going
253
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:06,180
to send a real pro from Detroit along
with you.
254
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,359
Heel!
255
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:19,829
This is the heel.
256
00:17:20,069 --> 00:17:21,970
Heel? He's not nice to ladies, huh?
257
00:17:22,190 --> 00:17:23,569
Not that kind of heel.
258
00:17:23,829 --> 00:17:27,750
He kills people with his shoe.
259
00:17:27,970 --> 00:17:28,909
With his shoe?
260
00:17:28,910 --> 00:17:29,990
That's pretty funny.
261
00:17:34,990 --> 00:17:36,030
It's not so funny.
262
00:17:39,970 --> 00:17:44,350
And you better do a good job or you'll
wind up in the river with a pair of
263
00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:45,490
cement galoshes.
264
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:46,690
In the river?
265
00:17:46,830 --> 00:17:47,830
In the river.
266
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,160
He's out to lunch. He won't be back till
2 o 'clock.
267
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,480
You're right on time. Make it fast,
Blinky.
268
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,540
He'll do me a favor. Will you wait out
in the hall?
269
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:57,619
What for?
270
00:17:57,620 --> 00:18:00,660
Well, I'm a little nervous. It's the
first time I ever bumped anybody off
271
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:02,020
before. Oh, sure. I understand.
272
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:07,360
Wait in the hall and cool your heel,
okay? I think you're in the wrong
273
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,520
You want a podiatrist.
274
00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:11,560
Try Dr. Scholl. Two doors down. He's
young, but he's very good.
275
00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:14,719
Well, Mr.
276
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,600
Madison, I'm tickled to death to see
you.
277
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,800
I have a confession to make.
278
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,300
owe you an apology.
279
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,420
I'm the one who phoned the police about
your speakeasy.
280
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,700
I'm sorry, but I tweaked on you.
281
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,500
That squeal. Well, whatever.
282
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,560
I'm not conversant with gutter lingo.
283
00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:37,740
I hope you're not angry with me. No, no,
no. I'm not angry with you, Doc.
284
00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:40,940
It's something I have to tell you. I
hope you're not going to be angry with
285
00:18:41,060 --> 00:18:42,520
Why should I be angry with you?
286
00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:44,260
I'm going to kill you.
287
00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:47,320
No, I'm not angry.
288
00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:49,510
I'm disappointed.
289
00:18:51,490 --> 00:18:53,530
This is a joke, isn't it? Some sort of
hoodlum humor?
290
00:18:53,770 --> 00:18:56,550
No, I don't want to kill you, but the
boss gave me orders.
291
00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:59,470
You mean you're really going to do it?
You're just going to come in here and
292
00:18:59,470 --> 00:19:00,470
kill me without an appointment?
293
00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:01,690
Yep.
294
00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:03,590
Just bat the gun.
295
00:19:03,870 --> 00:19:04,950
You got good eyes, Doc.
296
00:19:05,830 --> 00:19:09,030
It's a real gun that shoots bullets. It
doesn't shoot water or go bang, bang.
297
00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:11,810
Yeah, see, the way the serial number was
filed off and everything.
298
00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:14,570
Yes, well, everything certainly seems to
be in order.
299
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:18,240
Try not to make... Too much of a mess.
300
00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:23,300
Would it be all right if I answered my
telephone?
301
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:25,340
All right, Doc, but I got your call,
okay?
302
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:30,500
Goodbye.
303
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:32,280
I mean, hello.
304
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:35,340
Hello, Felix.
305
00:19:36,060 --> 00:19:37,060
It's my son.
306
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:39,400
What are you doing, son?
307
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:42,740
Helping Grandma make bouillabaisse.
308
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,340
Isn't that remarkable?
309
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:51,820
What? Well, of course, she's going to
spill something every now and then.
310
00:19:51,820 --> 00:19:52,820
getting old, son.
311
00:19:53,780 --> 00:19:55,080
Don't let that make you angry.
312
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,440
Tell you what.
313
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,460
Why don't you use that nice new sponge I
gave you for your birthday?
314
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:01,760
Good.
315
00:20:03,060 --> 00:20:04,240
I love you, too.
316
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,320
Goodbye.
317
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:12,500
Where were we?
318
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,080
I can't do it.
319
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:19,500
Tell you what. The coffee's on me.
320
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,880
I understand, Doc. I may not have the
guts to kill you, but there's a guy on
321
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,800
hall that can. They call him the heel
because he kills people with his shoe.
322
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,360
You mean that poor little fellow with
the limp? Yeah.
323
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,720
They said if I don't shoot you, he's
going to tap dance you to death.
324
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,840
Well, you've got that gun. Why don't you
shoot him? Because I can't shoot
325
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,680
anybody. If I could, I would shoot you
and make it easy on me.
326
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:42,679
Give me the gun.
327
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,700
What? I'll show you how to do it.
328
00:20:48,460 --> 00:20:50,080
Cool cucumber, all right, aren't you?
329
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,820
You don't get to the top of the eye game
without nerves of steel.
330
00:20:55,820 --> 00:20:57,640
Show your little friend in.
331
00:20:58,500 --> 00:20:59,500
Okay.
332
00:21:00,340 --> 00:21:01,680
The doctor will see you now.
333
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:04,660
Are you still alive?
334
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:09,080
You can bet the cuck -eyed world I'm
still alive, you two -bit punk.
335
00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:12,920
Finally met your match, didn't you? I
guess you never came up before an
336
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:13,920
optometrist before.
337
00:21:14,220 --> 00:21:15,220
Give me the gun.
338
00:21:15,460 --> 00:21:16,640
Fat chan, bimbo.
339
00:21:18,830 --> 00:21:21,330
Hand it over to him. Shoot him, Doc.
Shoot him. Shoot him. Don't come any
340
00:21:21,330 --> 00:21:22,330
closer.
341
00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:23,510
Please.
342
00:21:24,630 --> 00:21:25,630
I'll give you a dollar.
343
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:30,990
Oh, heck, I can't shoot him. There's a
deal.
344
00:21:31,410 --> 00:21:33,610
Well, you should talk. If you shot me
the way you were supposed to, we
345
00:21:33,610 --> 00:21:34,610
be in this mess.
346
00:21:36,610 --> 00:21:38,610
All right, Gunsel, make it fast.
347
00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:40,710
I can't do it.
348
00:21:42,990 --> 00:21:43,990
Well, what do you know?
349
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:45,230
He's the same as we are.
350
00:21:45,530 --> 00:21:47,190
Oh, I should do it for saying that.
351
00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:51,620
You guys get out of town before you blow
my cover. What cover?
352
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,400
I'm a federal agent.
353
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,360
Wow. A G -man.
354
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,620
Now, you guys hide away and then leave
town.
355
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,440
And don't come back for 25 years.
356
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:04,820
25 years?
357
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:07,400
What? I'll miss the World's Fair.
358
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:08,660
Oh, forget that. Listen,
359
00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:11,060
young man.
360
00:22:11,180 --> 00:22:14,100
I'm glad you're on our side. I didn't
get your name.
361
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:15,640
Ness.
362
00:22:21,580 --> 00:22:22,580
Elliot Ness.
363
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,580
Remember that name.
364
00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:30,840
That is the dumbest, the most
unbelievable story I ever heard in my
365
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,340
Were your cousins on the force when they
told you that story?
366
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:37,260
You're scoffing. Of course I'm scoffing.
Things like that used to happen in
367
00:22:37,260 --> 00:22:40,420
those days. Elliot Ness, what are you...
I'm going to show you something that
368
00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:42,840
will make a true believer out of you.
Nothing is impossible.
369
00:22:43,220 --> 00:22:45,580
I can't believe that. This is a family
heirloom.
370
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,460
This doesn't prove anything. That
story...
371
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,320
Now maybe you'll believe me. It was
because of that that both our families
372
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,099
to leave town.
373
00:23:15,100 --> 00:23:18,840
Mine went to Oklahoma and yours went to
New York. But first they had to hide out
374
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,000
in a hotel for several days.
375
00:23:20,340 --> 00:23:21,380
In a hotel? Yeah.
376
00:23:21,620 --> 00:23:22,620
Felix,
377
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,160
do you have a pair of knickers corduroy
that whistle when you walk? I used to
378
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,480
when I was a kid. I've still got them.
379
00:23:28,660 --> 00:23:30,940
Those were my favorite knickers. You're
the one. What?
380
00:23:31,340 --> 00:23:32,920
Don't you remember? We met.
381
00:23:33,220 --> 00:23:34,380
When? When we were kids.
382
00:24:04,780 --> 00:24:07,080
You're spilling soda all over yourself.
383
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:08,680
That's my style, kid.
384
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:09,920
Want some soda?
385
00:24:10,420 --> 00:24:11,420
No.
386
00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:13,360
Want to play football?
387
00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:14,660
No.
388
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:15,840
Want to play baseball?
389
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,480
No. What do you want to do?
390
00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:19,820
I want to bake bread.
28740
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