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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:46,800 trip to Chicago. 2 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:48,600 Chicago was nice. 3 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:50,700 Did you have a good trip? 4 00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:54,940 I ran into some cousins I haven't seen in a good many years. Yeah? 5 00:00:55,300 --> 00:00:56,300 Yeah. 6 00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:00,020 I learned something that you'll find of considerable interest, my friend. 7 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:01,320 They want you to move in with them, right? 8 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:02,680 Don't make jokes. 9 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:04,040 There's water all over it. 10 00:01:04,580 --> 00:01:07,560 Was there a trip here? Yeah, I've been dripping all day. It's driving me crazy. 11 00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:10,360 This is terrible. 12 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:12,660 Well, tell me about your cousins. What'd they say? 13 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:14,320 What is the name? 14 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,740 Blinky Madison mean to you? 15 00:01:17,540 --> 00:01:18,600 Gee, that's familiar. 16 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:19,920 Well, it ought to be. 17 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,220 It was your father. 18 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:26,080 Oh, yeah. He used to blink a lot like that. That's why they call him Blinky. 19 00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:33,500 This isn't water. It smells like... It smells like beer to me, too. I know what 20 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:36,340 you did, slob. Oh, it was an accident. Forget about that. 21 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,580 How did you know my father's name was Blinky? 22 00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:42,400 Because your father tried to kill my father. 23 00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,720 The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience. 24 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,060 I didn't even know my father knew your father. 25 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,240 I've got a lot of happy life. Hey, watch it. 26 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,600 Say anything you like about me or my mother, but no cracks about my father. 27 00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:27,978 I'm sorry. 28 00:03:27,980 --> 00:03:31,120 I'm sorry. Tell me the story. I'm very interested. My father was a wonderful 29 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,680 man. He was an optometrist. 30 00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:37,370 What are you laughing at? What was your father? My father was a maker of a big 31 00:03:37,370 --> 00:03:40,010 restaurant. Some restaurant where they don't serve food. 32 00:03:40,230 --> 00:03:41,168 What does that mean? 33 00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:42,170 Sit down. 34 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:46,970 I'm going to tell you a story that will curl your hair. 35 00:03:47,670 --> 00:03:51,490 My father, Morris Unger, was the most beloved man in Chicago. 36 00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:57,550 Your father, Blinky Madison, ran a speakeasy. 37 00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:02,450 That was long ago when Chicago was really wild. 38 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:09,700 It was the jazz age when folly was king and crime sat in the driver's seat. 39 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,980 Blinky, I just can't seem to get it. Try without the gum. 40 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,180 H .E., thanks. You sure know a lot about dancing. 41 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:49,840 No, I know a lot about gum. 42 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:52,640 Let me shove that tea, will you? 43 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:59,700 Hey, that booze is too strong. Put some more water in. Boss, it's half water 44 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:03,080 already. We're not watering down the liquor. We're liquoring up the water. 45 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,640 Oh, I forgot. 46 00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:05,940 Hey, Buzzy. 47 00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:07,700 Hello, how are you? 48 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,220 Hi, Commissioner. 49 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,860 Kim, go change the camper in the men's room. 50 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,620 Has the big boss been in tonight? 51 00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:21,440 No, he's at the funeral pub. Did someone die? Not yet. He's getting an estimate. 52 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,400 I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it. 53 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,040 Oh, there's a bunch of Shriners. 54 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,000 It's a raid! 55 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,900 Linky, the big boss ain't gonna like this. 56 00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:37,890 It's the third time this month. You're going to have to bail us out. What's 57 00:05:37,890 --> 00:05:39,430 wrong with you? I don't know. 58 00:05:39,850 --> 00:05:40,910 I think it's my eyes. 59 00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:53,410 All right, Mr. Belson, you take care of those eyes and they'll 60 00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:54,570 take care of you. Next. 61 00:05:56,210 --> 00:05:57,210 Come right in, sir. 62 00:05:57,930 --> 00:05:58,930 What is your name? 63 00:05:58,950 --> 00:06:00,470 Madison. Mr. Madison. 64 00:06:00,710 --> 00:06:01,710 All righty. 65 00:06:02,099 --> 00:06:05,460 Now, what seems to be the trouble, Mr. Madden? Well, I can't see through little 66 00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:06,460 openings at night. 67 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:11,760 Can't see through little openings at night. 68 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,040 Tell me, can you arrange your schedule so you can look through these little 69 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,040 openings during the daytime? 70 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,960 No, they're closed during the day. Ah, closed during day. 71 00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:23,240 What seems to be the trouble with your eyes? 72 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,300 Well, I blink a lot, see? They call me Blinky. 73 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:26,899 Ah -ha. 74 00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:29,700 Well, we'll change that moniker, won't we? Sit down, sit down. Thank you. 75 00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:45,410 What ride you got there? You mean on my back? Yes. Yes, my son Felix thought of 76 00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:49,610 that. I have a kid. Yes, seven years old. I don't know how he finds the time. 77 00:06:49,770 --> 00:06:54,750 But with school and Boy Scouts and piano lessons and cooking three meals a day. 78 00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:57,170 Tell me, do you have children? 79 00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:58,530 Yes, I have a boy seven too. 80 00:06:58,770 --> 00:07:00,210 Ah, what are his interests? 81 00:07:00,510 --> 00:07:01,510 Horses. Horses. 82 00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:03,649 You ride? 83 00:07:03,650 --> 00:07:04,650 No handicaps. 84 00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:10,410 Eyes of blue say I love you. Eyes of brown never frown. 85 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,240 You said again? Yes, my son made that up. 86 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,580 I tell you, he's a pimp. He's a pimp. 87 00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:18,780 All right, let's look at the eye chart, shall we? 88 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:20,620 Can you read the top line? 89 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,380 Eye. Neck. 90 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,040 L -O. Neck. 91 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:25,640 V -Y. 92 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:26,800 Very good. Neck. 93 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,220 O -U -D. 94 00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:32,400 Neck. A -D -D -Y. All right. 95 00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:33,880 Now read it all together. 96 00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,580 I love you, Daddy. 97 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:39,720 My son made that up, too. 98 00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:40,619 The pip? 99 00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:41,620 Yes, yes. 100 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,420 Oh, that boy, I tell you. 101 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,060 Well, there's nothing much wrong with having you fixed up in a jiffy. Nothing 102 00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:49,320 much to worry about. Well, thanks. Now, listen, if you're ever in my 103 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,080 neighborhood, look me up, will you? I'll show you a good time. 104 00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:54,360 I should be delighted. Good. Here you are. 105 00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:55,499 Is that a prescription? 106 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,360 Yes. Take that to your grocer. 107 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,820 Eat a bunch of carrots a day? That's right. 108 00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:02,780 You have a little night blindness. 109 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,140 Vitamin A deficiency. 110 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,020 Carrots will fix that up. 111 00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:08,590 A carrot a day keeps the optometrist away. 112 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:11,410 I made that one up myself. 113 00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:14,090 You're a pimp, too, huh? 114 00:08:15,970 --> 00:08:17,030 Pops the pimp. Yeah. 115 00:08:17,710 --> 00:08:20,790 You're gonna need glasses, so let's try these on for size, shall we? No, no, no, 116 00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:23,850 no, Doc. No glasses. I'm not gonna wear glasses on my friend's lap. Nobody 117 00:08:23,850 --> 00:08:26,690 laughs at glasses in this day and age. Come on, let's try them on. 118 00:08:27,130 --> 00:08:29,930 Anybody laughs at you, you just send them to see me. 119 00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:48,340 It's okay. 120 00:08:53,060 --> 00:08:56,300 See, Bart, since you got those glasses, you haven't made one mistake. 121 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,720 Yeah, but it ain't all great. 122 00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:00,520 Today I got the first good look at my kid Oscar's room. 123 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:01,760 Wow. 124 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:03,360 I'll get this one. 125 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,040 Yeah? Hi there. 126 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,320 Is this the Madison residence? 127 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,140 What? Wait a minute, I'll get it. 128 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:09,360 Hey, how you doing? 129 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,960 I see you. Can you see me? I talk, I know. 130 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,350 Well, I can't have a party every night. 131 00:09:20,590 --> 00:09:23,990 Well, if I had a wonderful playroom like this in my basement, I think I would, 132 00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:27,250 too. I ought to reach my table for my friend here. Come on in. Well, I should 133 00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:30,110 have telephoned before I came over, but I'll check your specs. 134 00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:31,109 How are they feeling? 135 00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:34,170 Great. Look, Doc, I take them off, I stop blinking, I put them on, I see 136 00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:37,090 I don't blink anymore. You look very handsome. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, sit 137 00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:38,850 down. Sit down. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 138 00:09:39,610 --> 00:09:40,589 What would you like to drink? 139 00:09:40,590 --> 00:09:44,210 Well, I think a little iced tea wouldn't do any harm. Good idea. A little tea 140 00:09:44,210 --> 00:09:46,210 for my friend. The best stuff. Mostly tea. 141 00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:48,980 Like a jolly crowd? 142 00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:54,460 Say, speaking of fun, you should have been at the optometrist convention this 143 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:55,460 year. 144 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,460 We held it in Cleveland. 145 00:09:58,020 --> 00:09:59,020 Oh, boy. 146 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:02,020 I tell you, we really let our hair down. 147 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,560 We chartered our own train, the bifocal local. 148 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,160 We had a hot one going around. 149 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:11,940 Stop me if you've heard this one. 150 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,680 A cross -eyed school teacher who couldn't keep her pupils straight. 151 00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:20,630 Sky was the limit. 152 00:10:21,650 --> 00:10:22,650 Thank you. Good. 153 00:10:22,670 --> 00:10:24,590 Okay, bottoms up, Doc. Thank you very much. 154 00:10:27,350 --> 00:10:29,290 Oh, boy, isn't that different? Yeah, nothing but the best. 155 00:10:30,270 --> 00:10:31,270 Very good. 156 00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:32,290 Mmm. 157 00:10:32,870 --> 00:10:36,190 That's tangy. Good. I never tasted this before. 158 00:10:36,450 --> 00:10:38,330 Where do you get this stuff? We import it from Tennessee. 159 00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:41,670 Is that a fact? Yeah, that came last night. Is that a fact? That's a fact. 160 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,530 Excuse me for a minute. We can lose it. 161 00:10:44,090 --> 00:10:47,710 I'd like you to meet a very dear friend of mine. This is Dr. Unger. This is 162 00:10:47,710 --> 00:10:49,790 Lucy. Show him a very good time. Be very nice to him. 163 00:10:49,990 --> 00:10:51,390 A doctor, 164 00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:53,249 huh? Yes. 165 00:10:53,250 --> 00:10:54,290 You make house calls? 166 00:10:55,210 --> 00:10:59,010 No. Oh, well, then we'll just have to get acquainted right here, huh? 167 00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:01,530 What do they call you, Dr. Unger? 168 00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:03,710 They call me Dr. Unger. 169 00:11:05,070 --> 00:11:09,170 No, no, I mean your nickname. You know, like they call me Lute, short for Lucy. 170 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:18,940 professor. They call me Shakespeare. They call me four eyes and things of 171 00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:21,580 nature. Well, I think you're the cat's meow. 172 00:11:21,940 --> 00:11:23,600 Could I be your kitten? 173 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:36,100 Lou, before you fall in love with me, I want you to know that I have 174 00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:39,200 a, um, a, um, what's the word I want? 175 00:12:14,670 --> 00:12:15,670 Hands up! 176 00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:18,150 Everybody, get your hands up! I'm not kidding now! 177 00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:21,910 Hands up, please. Hello, I'm the manager. Can I buy you a drink, sir? You 178 00:12:21,910 --> 00:12:26,370 to buy me a drink? I'm a federal agent. For the last time, this is a raid. Oh, 179 00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:29,290 come on. We look everybody's having a good time. You want to spoil their fun? 180 00:12:29,710 --> 00:12:32,830 I work for the government. It's my job to spoil the people's fun. 181 00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:38,490 It's the big boss. 182 00:12:39,690 --> 00:12:40,690 President Hoover? 183 00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:43,430 No, the big boss. 184 00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,030 Hi, boss. 185 00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:46,490 Good evening, Blinky. 186 00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:49,130 Who's the gentleman with the badge? 187 00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:50,470 Oh, he's a fed. 188 00:12:52,630 --> 00:12:55,090 Any fed of the government is a fed of mine. 189 00:12:56,730 --> 00:13:00,410 Hey, that's pretty good, boss. That's very good, Blinky. That's very good, 190 00:13:00,410 --> 00:13:01,410 Blinky. 191 00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:04,690 What's the matter with him? Why isn't he laughing? Well, it's a raid. 192 00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:07,430 Did you offer him a hospitality, a drink? 193 00:13:07,690 --> 00:13:08,690 Yeah, he said no. 194 00:13:09,570 --> 00:13:11,830 It appears we're dealing with an honest man. 195 00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:13,070 You sure are. 196 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:19,740 Under the circumstances, will that take care of things for a little while? 197 00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:22,620 Forever. 198 00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:25,400 Come on over to the parlor. 199 00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:28,300 Did you see that? 200 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,040 Sure, now with these glasses, I see everything. 201 00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:34,680 That man accepted the bribe. I wouldn't exactly call it a bribe. He took a great 202 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,660 deal of money for not doing his job, according to Webster's unabridged 203 00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:39,300 dictionary. Stop fondling. This isn't serious. 204 00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:44,650 A bribe, all right. That man should be reported. 205 00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:46,270 All right, tell him there's the commissioner. 206 00:13:49,770 --> 00:13:51,910 That is the police commissioner? 207 00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:54,530 Yeah, tell him. And he's in on it, too? 208 00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:59,150 Dr. Runga, everybody's in on it except you. Now, have some fun. I want to see a 209 00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:02,390 smile on everybody's kisser now. Lucy, will you show him a good time? Relax, 210 00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:03,450 Doc. Enjoy yourself. 211 00:14:04,490 --> 00:14:07,610 Am I the last moral man left in the world? 212 00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:09,710 Well, I'm moral. 213 00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:11,130 Then why don't you do something? 214 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:13,360 I can't get off till four. 215 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,060 Mr. Morris Unger. 216 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,240 No, don't write that down. I want this to be an anonymous call. 217 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:02,680 What I am about to tell you will blast this town wide open. 218 00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:09,440 But it must never reach the ears of your police commissioner because he is in on 219 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:10,440 it. 220 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:16,420 Sergeant, I know I speak for every honest man in this town when I say I am 221 00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,040 up to here. My hand is under my chin. 222 00:15:20,270 --> 00:15:22,270 With corruption in high places. 223 00:15:22,770 --> 00:15:26,510 How can I teach my son to respect the law when those who are to uphold it, 224 00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:27,510 it? 225 00:15:32,790 --> 00:15:35,670 Weald? So that's when my father wanted to kill your father. 226 00:15:35,870 --> 00:15:36,870 No, that came later. 227 00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:41,890 After my father did what any good citizen would do, that got your father 228 00:15:41,890 --> 00:15:44,370 water. Big Boss was furious. 229 00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:47,310 So the next day... 230 00:15:52,449 --> 00:15:54,330 Okay, baby, that's enough. That's enough. 231 00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:56,710 Get lost, eh? 232 00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:02,350 How come every time I kiss her on the neck, I get gum on my nose? 233 00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:07,290 Hi, boss. You want to see me? 234 00:16:07,610 --> 00:16:08,610 20 minutes ago. 235 00:16:08,910 --> 00:16:11,810 20 minutes ago? That's when you called me. That's when I wanted to see you. 236 00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:13,570 I'm sorry I'm late, boss. 237 00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:14,790 Sit down. 238 00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:20,410 Your friend, Dr. Unger, squealed about our little club here. He did? 239 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,340 Yeah, and you know my rule about squealers. 240 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:24,560 They die. 241 00:16:25,540 --> 00:16:27,320 Yeah, it's one of my best rules. 242 00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:29,140 Who's gonna kill them? 243 00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,960 We're gonna draw straws. 244 00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:40,880 Looks like you're it, Blinky. 245 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,800 Oh, wait a minute, boss. Look. 246 00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:47,220 When it comes to cutting the booze or patting somebody's bill, I'm the 247 00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:50,320 one, but I can't really. I never killed anybody in my life. All right, all 248 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:51,239 right, all right. 249 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,640 You don't want the gun? No, sir. Thank you. All right, then I'll just give you 250 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:55,640 the bullet. I'll take it all. 251 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,840 Get going. 252 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:03,820 And Blinky, just in case you lose your nerve or you change your mind, I'm going 253 00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:06,180 to send a real pro from Detroit along with you. 254 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,359 Heel! 255 00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:19,829 This is the heel. 256 00:17:20,069 --> 00:17:21,970 Heel? He's not nice to ladies, huh? 257 00:17:22,190 --> 00:17:23,569 Not that kind of heel. 258 00:17:23,829 --> 00:17:27,750 He kills people with his shoe. 259 00:17:27,970 --> 00:17:28,909 With his shoe? 260 00:17:28,910 --> 00:17:29,990 That's pretty funny. 261 00:17:34,990 --> 00:17:36,030 It's not so funny. 262 00:17:39,970 --> 00:17:44,350 And you better do a good job or you'll wind up in the river with a pair of 263 00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:45,490 cement galoshes. 264 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:46,690 In the river? 265 00:17:46,830 --> 00:17:47,830 In the river. 266 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,160 He's out to lunch. He won't be back till 2 o 'clock. 267 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,480 You're right on time. Make it fast, Blinky. 268 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,540 He'll do me a favor. Will you wait out in the hall? 269 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:57,619 What for? 270 00:17:57,620 --> 00:18:00,660 Well, I'm a little nervous. It's the first time I ever bumped anybody off 271 00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:02,020 before. Oh, sure. I understand. 272 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:07,360 Wait in the hall and cool your heel, okay? I think you're in the wrong 273 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,520 You want a podiatrist. 274 00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:11,560 Try Dr. Scholl. Two doors down. He's young, but he's very good. 275 00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:14,719 Well, Mr. 276 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,600 Madison, I'm tickled to death to see you. 277 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,800 I have a confession to make. 278 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,300 owe you an apology. 279 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,420 I'm the one who phoned the police about your speakeasy. 280 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,700 I'm sorry, but I tweaked on you. 281 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,500 That squeal. Well, whatever. 282 00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,560 I'm not conversant with gutter lingo. 283 00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:37,740 I hope you're not angry with me. No, no, no. I'm not angry with you, Doc. 284 00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:40,940 It's something I have to tell you. I hope you're not going to be angry with 285 00:18:41,060 --> 00:18:42,520 Why should I be angry with you? 286 00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:44,260 I'm going to kill you. 287 00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:47,320 No, I'm not angry. 288 00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:49,510 I'm disappointed. 289 00:18:51,490 --> 00:18:53,530 This is a joke, isn't it? Some sort of hoodlum humor? 290 00:18:53,770 --> 00:18:56,550 No, I don't want to kill you, but the boss gave me orders. 291 00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:59,470 You mean you're really going to do it? You're just going to come in here and 292 00:18:59,470 --> 00:19:00,470 kill me without an appointment? 293 00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:01,690 Yep. 294 00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:03,590 Just bat the gun. 295 00:19:03,870 --> 00:19:04,950 You got good eyes, Doc. 296 00:19:05,830 --> 00:19:09,030 It's a real gun that shoots bullets. It doesn't shoot water or go bang, bang. 297 00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:11,810 Yeah, see, the way the serial number was filed off and everything. 298 00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:14,570 Yes, well, everything certainly seems to be in order. 299 00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:18,240 Try not to make... Too much of a mess. 300 00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:23,300 Would it be all right if I answered my telephone? 301 00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:25,340 All right, Doc, but I got your call, okay? 302 00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:30,500 Goodbye. 303 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:32,280 I mean, hello. 304 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:35,340 Hello, Felix. 305 00:19:36,060 --> 00:19:37,060 It's my son. 306 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:39,400 What are you doing, son? 307 00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:42,740 Helping Grandma make bouillabaisse. 308 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,340 Isn't that remarkable? 309 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:51,820 What? Well, of course, she's going to spill something every now and then. 310 00:19:51,820 --> 00:19:52,820 getting old, son. 311 00:19:53,780 --> 00:19:55,080 Don't let that make you angry. 312 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:56,440 Tell you what. 313 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,460 Why don't you use that nice new sponge I gave you for your birthday? 314 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:01,760 Good. 315 00:20:03,060 --> 00:20:04,240 I love you, too. 316 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,320 Goodbye. 317 00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:12,500 Where were we? 318 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,080 I can't do it. 319 00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:19,500 Tell you what. The coffee's on me. 320 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,880 I understand, Doc. I may not have the guts to kill you, but there's a guy on 321 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,800 hall that can. They call him the heel because he kills people with his shoe. 322 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,360 You mean that poor little fellow with the limp? Yeah. 323 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,720 They said if I don't shoot you, he's going to tap dance you to death. 324 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,840 Well, you've got that gun. Why don't you shoot him? Because I can't shoot 325 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,680 anybody. If I could, I would shoot you and make it easy on me. 326 00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:42,679 Give me the gun. 327 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,700 What? I'll show you how to do it. 328 00:20:48,460 --> 00:20:50,080 Cool cucumber, all right, aren't you? 329 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,820 You don't get to the top of the eye game without nerves of steel. 330 00:20:55,820 --> 00:20:57,640 Show your little friend in. 331 00:20:58,500 --> 00:20:59,500 Okay. 332 00:21:00,340 --> 00:21:01,680 The doctor will see you now. 333 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:04,660 Are you still alive? 334 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:09,080 You can bet the cuck -eyed world I'm still alive, you two -bit punk. 335 00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:12,920 Finally met your match, didn't you? I guess you never came up before an 336 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:13,920 optometrist before. 337 00:21:14,220 --> 00:21:15,220 Give me the gun. 338 00:21:15,460 --> 00:21:16,640 Fat chan, bimbo. 339 00:21:18,830 --> 00:21:21,330 Hand it over to him. Shoot him, Doc. Shoot him. Shoot him. Don't come any 340 00:21:21,330 --> 00:21:22,330 closer. 341 00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:23,510 Please. 342 00:21:24,630 --> 00:21:25,630 I'll give you a dollar. 343 00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:30,990 Oh, heck, I can't shoot him. There's a deal. 344 00:21:31,410 --> 00:21:33,610 Well, you should talk. If you shot me the way you were supposed to, we 345 00:21:33,610 --> 00:21:34,610 be in this mess. 346 00:21:36,610 --> 00:21:38,610 All right, Gunsel, make it fast. 347 00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:40,710 I can't do it. 348 00:21:42,990 --> 00:21:43,990 Well, what do you know? 349 00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:45,230 He's the same as we are. 350 00:21:45,530 --> 00:21:47,190 Oh, I should do it for saying that. 351 00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:51,620 You guys get out of town before you blow my cover. What cover? 352 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,400 I'm a federal agent. 353 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,360 Wow. A G -man. 354 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,620 Now, you guys hide away and then leave town. 355 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,440 And don't come back for 25 years. 356 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:04,820 25 years? 357 00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:07,400 What? I'll miss the World's Fair. 358 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:08,660 Oh, forget that. Listen, 359 00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:11,060 young man. 360 00:22:11,180 --> 00:22:14,100 I'm glad you're on our side. I didn't get your name. 361 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:15,640 Ness. 362 00:22:21,580 --> 00:22:22,580 Elliot Ness. 363 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,580 Remember that name. 364 00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:30,840 That is the dumbest, the most unbelievable story I ever heard in my 365 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,340 Were your cousins on the force when they told you that story? 366 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:37,260 You're scoffing. Of course I'm scoffing. Things like that used to happen in 367 00:22:37,260 --> 00:22:40,420 those days. Elliot Ness, what are you... I'm going to show you something that 368 00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:42,840 will make a true believer out of you. Nothing is impossible. 369 00:22:43,220 --> 00:22:45,580 I can't believe that. This is a family heirloom. 370 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,460 This doesn't prove anything. That story... 371 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,320 Now maybe you'll believe me. It was because of that that both our families 372 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,099 to leave town. 373 00:23:15,100 --> 00:23:18,840 Mine went to Oklahoma and yours went to New York. But first they had to hide out 374 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,000 in a hotel for several days. 375 00:23:20,340 --> 00:23:21,380 In a hotel? Yeah. 376 00:23:21,620 --> 00:23:22,620 Felix, 377 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,160 do you have a pair of knickers corduroy that whistle when you walk? I used to 378 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,480 when I was a kid. I've still got them. 379 00:23:28,660 --> 00:23:30,940 Those were my favorite knickers. You're the one. What? 380 00:23:31,340 --> 00:23:32,920 Don't you remember? We met. 381 00:23:33,220 --> 00:23:34,380 When? When we were kids. 382 00:24:04,780 --> 00:24:07,080 You're spilling soda all over yourself. 383 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:08,680 That's my style, kid. 384 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:09,920 Want some soda? 385 00:24:10,420 --> 00:24:11,420 No. 386 00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:13,360 Want to play football? 387 00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:14,660 No. 388 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:15,840 Want to play baseball? 389 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,480 No. What do you want to do? 390 00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:19,820 I want to bake bread. 28740

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