All language subtitles for The Odd Couple s05e07

It's good to know. You scared me.

You were in Chicago.

When did you come home?

I have a minute. I just got... You
traveled on a plane like this?

How come? Why did they let you... Never
mind. I don't want to know.

How was your trip?

Tiring. Yeah? The hotel I stayed at
booked two conventions.

Megaphone makers and the guys who make
bullhorn.

Every night in the stairwell, they had
an argument.

Always a story when you come back from a
trip. Very funny. During the day, just

last, they went around paging each
other.

Don't you want a bite to eat?

Matter of fact, I am hungry. You know
that?

I'll tell you the truth. I never can eat
on a plane. I can't use that midget

silverware.

A lot of action around here while you
were gone.

You got lucky?

Don't talk dirty.

I mean the election.

That playground issue is heating up.
What playground issue?

The playground issue.

The incumbent councilman, Simpson, is
still sponsoring that bill to destroy

playgrounds and put up office buildings.
Oh, you may be doing an article on

that. Yeah, I call it the last place to
swing. Article?

Boy, that was a manifesto. The public
reaction to that article was so great,

inspired us to run a candidate against
Simpson this election.

Are you crazy?

Simpson has run unopposed in this
district for 14 years. I know it, and

time he's going to be opposed.

Well, good luck. What kind of an idiot
agreed to run against Simpson?

He agreed.

This is it.

Madison for council headquarters.

This is it? Yeah.

I've got four volunteers.

No. The old lady came in for a banana
cake and I enlisted her.

This is the bakery.

Used to be. Used to be Krausmeier's
bakery.

Have a number. 17. Lucky number.

What happened to Krausmeier?

Haven't you heard?

No. They closed him down.

Why? Yeah.

In the back room, he was running a
massage parlor.

Hi, Mr. Ranga.

Hello, fellas.

Felix. Who are they?

Gypsies. What are they doing here? They
got here first. It's a vacant store.

I'm sharing with them. I gave them a
chicken.

See what you're getting me into when I
don't... I know it's crazy, but this is

the way you begin.

And you've got the issue.

Playgrounds. And what's more important,
you believe in it. And people will

believe you.

They will? Of course they will. Trust
me.

You see, what I'm afraid of is I don't
know how to campaign and I'm liable to

make a fool out of myself, see?

You're talking to Douglas Dignity.

Would I let you do anything wild? You'll
talk to people from your heart. You'll

shake their hands. That's all. That's
all. That's all.

Okay, I'll give it a try. All right,
great.

We have to be at the Bronx Zoo in 30
minutes. I want a picture of you sitting

a giraffe.

Madison rides high.

What happened to Douglas Dignity?

Mr. Madison?

Yeah? I can't afford a contribution, but
I could pierce your ears.

Thanks, but I use clip -ons.

Hi, I'm Larry Elmer.

I've been all over town. I hung up more
posters than the FBI.

I'm tired of looking at my face. Go take
a nap. You can't. Why not? Felix

called. He wants you to meet him at this
restaurant.

Yeah? Is it in a hotel? I'm tired. I'm
not hungry. He said it's a big

breakthrough for your campaign, Oscar.
You've got to go.

Yeah? Oh, come on. I don't have a chance
in this campaign.

Sure you do. Felix said you got the
gypsy vote. Now he's working on a

group of people.

Folks who own their furniture.

I've changed for the subway.

Consider it a campaign contribution.

Hey, no special favors, Murray.

I'm a policeman.

Of course not.

We didn't come here to eat.

What are we coming for, the busboy vote?

Do you know Howard K. Smith?

Yeah, I've seen him do the news on TV.
Yeah, he eats here.

See him? You see him?

I'm going to get him to mention you on
his TV show.

Do you know him? He lives right next
door to us. Do you know him?

I pass him on the street all the time, I
know.

Mr. Smith?

Hi, Felix Dunger. I want you to meet the
next city councilman from your

district, Oscar Madison.

How do you do, sir? Now, we can only
stay a moment.

I'm having lunch. Oh, we already ate.

I'll get right to the point.

Do you mind if I have my food? Oh, sure,
surely.

You've starched it, haven't you? Why
don't we let the gentleman have his

You see? You see the kind of man he is?

Full of concern for his fellow citizens.

Mr. Smith.

Are you aware of the issue in the
Madison versus Simpson campaign?

No, what is that?

Good versus evil.

Strong issue.

Where do you stand on it?

You looking for something?

My coleslaw.

Waiter! Mr. Smith's coleslaw.

I'll have an iced tea.

You want some?

Hemlock.

Separate check.

Excuse me. I don't like to talk politics
while I'm eating. You're right.

Surely.

We'll wait.

Leave your plate.

Oscar, hurry, you're going to miss this
commentary.

Tonight's commentary concerns a local
election here in Manhattan.

A sports writer named Oscar Madison is
waging an underdog campaign for the city

council. I met Mr. Madison and his
campaign manager over lunch today.

After they made sure I ate it all and
trimmed the fat and chewed it

they told me the issue.

Mr. Madison is trying to save our
neighborhood playground.

He is trying to spread his word without
much money. In fact, they stuck me for

the price of the iced tea.

But it's a word that should be heard.

They're making up in drive and in
enthusiasm for what they lack in

in manners.

There's a place for these two men in
politics.

But not at my table.

Good night, Harry.

Am I a campaign manager?

Boy, that's terrific.

You went coast to coast, right?

Yeah. Now everybody in the country knows
you're a pest.

But...

Volunteers, everybody, give me your
attention.

Now, Oscar Madison has been out on the
streets of this city since early

working his heart out for you and you
and you and me.

I think that when he comes back, we
should greet him with a rousing welcome.

What do you say?

Good. Okay.

Back to the barricade. Oh, boy, there's
really a great feeling in this room,

isn't there? Yeah, where is Oscar,
anyway? He's out making contact with

group, another ethnic group.

He hit them all by now.

We leave no stone unturned.

Very easy.

You look sensational.

Did we get the Indian vote?

All three of them.

Did you hear the great news?

What? Miriam took another poll. You're
up to 17%. Hey, that's pretty good. Hey,

did you see the afternoon paper?

No. I did.

Mary. Oscar.

What? Simpson concedes on the playground
issue. You're kidding.

Everybody, give me your attention.

Great news.

Gypsies, everybody.

Simpson has conceded on the issue of the
playgrounds. We keep our playgrounds.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. Oh, do you know what this
means?

Yeah, it means we get to go home. What
are you talking about?

Oh, she's right. We got into this
campaign to settle a playground issue.

it. Hey, you all did some terrific job.
Thank you all. I'm going to the

racetrack. No, Oscar.

Oscar. Oscar, come back.

Choose to run.

Oh, come on.

Where's your patriotism? What do you
want me to be, the father of Lexington

Avenue?

I won the campaign that I wanted to win,
and that's all there is to it.

But if you were a councilman, you could
do so much more.

You could put great, big, handsome trash
baskets on every corner.

You could wash the Statue of Liberty.

You could put those ugly fire hydrants
underground so the dogs wouldn't have a

tendency.

It's ridiculous to think that I could
win. Why?

Why? One reason we had no money, that's
why. Did Washington have money? Somebody

bought those cute wigs for him. He had
spirit.

That's what he had. He believed in what
he was doing and he had...

publisher. Yes, Mr. Bryan.

Well, to be honest, I was thinking of
withdrawing, sir.

I agree with you. That wouldn't be a
stupid idea.

Well, it was just a fleeting thought. I
mean, I certainly would.

Yes, sir.

Okay. Thank you. Bye -bye.

What? What? You're not going to believe
this. What? What?

The publisher. He wants me to continue
with my campaign.

He said that spot with Howard K. Smith
that gave the paper a lot of publicity.

He doesn't like Simpson, but listen to
this.

He's going to finance our campaign.

What is this? I thought we were going on
television.

It's not television.

This is the Igor Show.

Igor is a big star, buddy. We're going
to talk in front of horror film fans?

They vote.

Horror shows are... Five seconds, Igor.
You guys get off the stage.

Three seconds, Igor.

Where's Igor?

I don't know.

We shall return to tonight's horror
movie, Mysterious Planet

Debbie.

Right after this word from Councilman
Simpson, who is running for re -election

in the 34th Council District.

Mr. Simpson!

Ah!

Thank you, Igor.

You're welcome.

Good evening, friends.

On behalf of my lovely wife, Edith, and
my little girl, Irene,

And my son, James, I would like to thank
you for the privilege of having served

you for the last 14 years.

During this campaign, I have been
opposed by Mr.

Oscar Madison, a public -spirited
citizen who has brought to my attention

several pressing community problems.

And for this, I would like to thank him
sincerely, Mr. Madison. However, when

you go to the polls tomorrow to cast
your vote, I urge you to place your

confidence. In a man with experience, I
would like to remind you that it was I

who got the additional police protection
for our neighborhoods.

And I would like you to remember that it
was I that engineered the federal funds

with which we improved our school.

Lastly, I would like to remind you that
a vote for Simpson is a vote for

progress. Thank you very much.

We're going home now to pop some corn.

Thank you, Councilman.

Now, boys and ghouls, back to the
mysterious planet Debbie.

As you recall, our hero, Dr.

Rontor, was struggling with the awful
curse of the Qataba people.

This is a nice guy.

Igor? He's a pussycat.

I'm Igor Simpson.

Did you fall for all that malarkey?
Listen.

You're the man of the people. You're
going to wipe him out.

He looked pretty appealing. His kids
were so cute, I wanted to go and hug him

myself.

You're on in ten minutes. I'll be right
back.

You watch the film on the monitor. It's
a real goody. I've seen it seven times.

Here comes the part where the giant
cockroach swallowed Rhode Island.

Rhode Island.

Big deal, sweet bite.

Igor.

Wait, the bagpipe and the octopus
engaged.

No, no, no, they're still eating. Oh,

don't

cry, folk.

It was only Rhode Island.

Don't you just love the part where he
spit out Providence?

Now, right after this commercial, we'll
be hearing

from Councilman Simpson's opponent,
Oscar Madison.

Commercial rolling.

Oscar.

Please. Thank you, Ingo.

Have you been? I'll be on the air.

Come on.

Who are they?

I don't even know them.

Who are they?

Those are your loved ones.

My loved ones? Yes. No, no. I know what
you're doing. They're not my loved ones.

No, no, no.

I'm not going to do it. Two, one, go.

Good evening, everyone. My name is Felix
Unger, and I have the great good

fortune and honor.

to be the campaign manager for Oscar
Madison, who was unfortunately called

to help a needy person.

I'm surrounded by Mr. Madison's loved
ones.

But who wouldn't love the brave hero of
Anzio, who single -handedly saved an

entire platoon, the famous 143rd Melting
Pot Platoon.

Italians, Jews, Puerto Ricans, you name
them, he saved them.

Here is Oscar Madison.

How are the needy people?

They're fine.

My campaign manager, Felix Unger, gets
carried away and has a great sense of

humor. These are not my loved ones.
They're very nice people, I'm sure, but

they're not my loved ones, and I was not
a hero in Anzio.

I would like to be a councilman. I think
I did a good job on the playground

issue, and if you do elect me, I'll try
harder to do even more for you. Thank

you very much.

Thank you. Thank you. Here's your
dollar.

Here's your dollar. Thank you, madam.
Here's your dollar.

Now, why are you so mad at me?

If I made a mistake, it's only because
of Oprah's zealousness. I went too far.

All right.

Trying to get me votes from who?

Ghouls in Pennsylvania?

Ethnically, it wasn't probable. But
she's going to vote for you. She's going

vote for you.

What are you going to do, fire me? No, I
don't want to fire you. I just don't

want to go through that craziness. These
are your loved ones. How am I going to

handle that? There's no more craziness.
We've got one more day, and, baby, we're

going to go.

Where? To the top.

sweet and so beguiling, a face you'd
love to kiss.

And so election night draws to a close
over New York, ending one of the most

harrowing campaigns in local history.
The 34th district had the largest voter

turnout, and the final count is now in.

It's Simpson with 5 ,413 votes, and
Madison, 5 ,280 votes.

Simpson retains his council seat. Now
back to our regular programming.

Simpson is the winner.

Hey, come on here. What's the matter
with you people?

We got 48 % of the vote. What are you
depressed about?

Do you realize we almost took an
election away from a man who's been

years? I guarantee you Simpson will be
on his toes from now on in.

You know who's responsible for this
mostly?

My best friend and my campaign manager,
Felix Unger, and he'll explain it better

than I will.

It's an hour and a half already.

You're not listening to me.

Now, hear this.

Now, hear this. You did very, very well.

The problem was that you had dreams of
grandeur. You even pictured me as the

president, didn't you?

Come on, buddy.

Let's go out of here proud. I can't tell
you. You did a great job, and I'm so

proud of you.

I want to thank you for everything you
did.

Come on, buddy. Let's go home.

You were terrific.

Thank you, Oscar.