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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,369 --> 00:00:06,450 Hello, New York Herald? 2 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,090 Oscar Madison, please. 3 00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:09,930 He's not in. 4 00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:13,270 Well, let it ring, operator. Sometimes he can't find the phone under the 5 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,490 Hello? Sports Department? 6 00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:19,650 Is Oscar Madison there, please? 7 00:00:20,710 --> 00:00:21,710 What? 8 00:00:21,970 --> 00:00:23,110 He's out on an interview? 9 00:00:23,710 --> 00:00:26,550 Well, doesn't he know he's over an hour late for dinner? That I've got a 10 00:00:26,550 --> 00:00:28,510 meatloaf in the oven that's slowly turning into a footrest? 11 00:00:29,590 --> 00:00:31,550 Why doesn't he tell me before he goes out on these things? 12 00:00:32,390 --> 00:00:33,730 No, this is not his father. 13 00:00:35,519 --> 00:00:37,980 No, no message. I'm sure he'll come home in his own good time. 14 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:41,340 Well, Oscar, old buddy, you got any more questions you want to ask me about my 15 00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:44,580 football team? No, no, no. I got enough material for my column. Now, this is the 16 00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:48,420 way a man should work, see? Ten questions and a winning hand. I bet him. 17 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,420 Sam, you still contemplating? Boy, we're only in New York for the weekend, you 18 00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:54,240 know. Don't rush me. I got five cards with only two eyes. 19 00:00:55,290 --> 00:00:59,350 Listen, Oscar, I'm giving this to your charity by Saturday night, and I'd be 20 00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:03,450 mighty pleased if you and the filly of your choice would consent to come. 21 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:04,468 Thanks, I'll be there. 22 00:01:04,470 --> 00:01:08,630 Yes, you'd be quite a hoedown. I got a top -notch band, boy. I'm flying Ma Gump 23 00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:10,270 and her tumbleweeds in from El Paso. 24 00:01:11,850 --> 00:01:16,970 Ma Gump? The kindest, sweetest, most toe -tapping lady you ever saw. 25 00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:21,770 58 years old and tobacco -spitting champ of Dawson County. 26 00:01:22,090 --> 00:01:23,090 No kidding. 27 00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:25,540 Well, I got... Four red cards, one black. 28 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:26,738 I'm yellow. 29 00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:27,740 I quit. 30 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,080 Well, it looks like it's just you and me, Oscar. 31 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,460 Yeah, Billy Joe cost you $100 this evening. I hope that's not going to 32 00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:35,460 you. 33 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:38,100 Gee, I tipped the cab driving more than that yesterday. 34 00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:43,180 Okay, buddy, here's your $100, and I'll raise you $500. 35 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:45,140 You'll raise me $500? 36 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,640 Listen, I got your beep, and I'm all tapped out. 37 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,630 Well, let's not hassle over a few measly dollars. I'll trust you for it. You 38 00:01:51,630 --> 00:01:55,070 will? That's what I love, a gentleman's game. I got a full house, three kings, 39 00:01:55,110 --> 00:01:56,330 two queens. Sorry about that. 40 00:01:57,230 --> 00:01:58,670 I'm afraid I got you whooped, Oscar. 41 00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:00,509 Two pair. 42 00:02:00,510 --> 00:02:03,930 As well as two pair beat a full house. When they're two pair aces. 43 00:02:06,690 --> 00:02:07,890 Four aces? 44 00:02:08,430 --> 00:02:09,430 That's all they're on. 45 00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:14,790 Well, you're a little short, buddy, but 500 bucks, that ain't much. 46 00:02:15,030 --> 00:02:16,250 No, that ain't much. 47 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:19,130 Huge. I tipped my doorman more than that yesterday. 48 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,580 Billy Joe, I got bad news for you. It looks like Ma Gump ain't gonna be able 49 00:02:23,580 --> 00:02:25,540 make it up from El Paso this week for the dance. 50 00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:27,060 She's in a family way. 51 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,520 Thought she said she was 58 years old. 52 00:02:30,220 --> 00:02:32,600 Well, now, she's a right pretty girl when she's got her teeth in. 53 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,340 Now, look, Dick, buddy, you're gonna have to get me a real country band 54 00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:39,140 boy. That ain't gonna be easy, Billy Joe. All the good bands are down in 55 00:02:39,140 --> 00:02:41,660 Nashville this week for that country music round. Now, listen, buddy. 56 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,920 You are my business manager. 57 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,420 Now, come Saturday, I want to hear a band, not excuses. 58 00:02:47,740 --> 00:02:49,000 I'll get right on it, Billy Joe. 59 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,320 Oh, Oscar. 60 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,800 About that $500 you owe Billy Joe? 61 00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:55,120 He'll take your check. 62 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,660 Well, that's no good, you see. 63 00:02:56,980 --> 00:02:59,580 This month's service charge wiped me out. 64 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:01,900 Will he take an IOU? 65 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:06,880 Well, last fellow tried to give Billy Joe an IOU. Got about as far as the O. 66 00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:08,280 As far as the O? 67 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:12,340 Yeah. They found him a couple days later coughing up the ace of spades. 68 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,820 Won't he give me some time to pay him back? 69 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:17,100 Well, how much time you gonna need? 70 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,560 Well, let's see. There's the back alimony, the bookie, the food. 71 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,499 There's the rent. 72 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,800 See, but I could stall the food and the rent about 11 months. 73 00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:29,720 Billy Joe allows only 24 hours. 74 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,040 Oh, okay. 75 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,200 I'll get it for my roommate. 76 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:36,820 As long as you get the $500 up by 7 o 'clock tomorrow night. 77 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,160 Well, don't worry. He's my best friend. When I tell him I'm in trouble, he'll 78 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,159 give me the money like that. 79 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,880 I'll tell him what happened. I had a full house. A guy built four races. He 80 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,100 understands about things like that. 81 00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:46,900 I'll trick him into it. 82 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,180 The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience. 83 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:23,640 Hi, buddy. 84 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,100 Don't ask me about my arm. I don't want to upset you. 85 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:34,140 Oh, boy, what a pleasure it is to come home. Look how you set a nice table, you 86 00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:37,260 know? No matter what kind of a jungle it is out there, it's always so nice to 87 00:05:37,260 --> 00:05:38,260 come here. 88 00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:40,780 flowers, everything's so nice. All right, Phoenix, what's the matter? 89 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,400 Something's wrong. I can tell by your conversation. 90 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:45,960 You're late. 91 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,040 I'm sorry. 92 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,080 You're over an hour and a half late. 93 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,860 I'm sorry. Come on, let's see. We'll talk about my soram later. Come on, 94 00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:53,860 see. We'll talk about it later. 95 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,440 What am I supposed to do? Go and get your food for you? 96 00:05:58,740 --> 00:05:59,840 What am I, your slave? 97 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,660 From now on, you're going to get your own food. Do you hear that? 98 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,580 What I'm doing now, I'm never going to do this again. 99 00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:09,900 Well, this is the next to my sore arm that hurts. 100 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,740 It's your ex -meatloaf. 101 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:14,320 Rest in peace. 102 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,040 Not bad. Just need some ketchup, that's all. 103 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:19,800 See if I can open it. 104 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:26,940 I don't know why I cook for 105 00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:30,180 you. Because people like you don't even appreciate an instant meal. That's why 106 00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:31,180 they have TV dinners. 107 00:06:31,220 --> 00:06:32,220 I said I was sorry. 108 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,480 That covers it, huh? 109 00:06:37,260 --> 00:06:38,260 No way. 110 00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:42,720 I want your solemn promise that this will never happen again. 111 00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:45,600 Do I have your promise? Yeah, I promise. I promise. 112 00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,480 I've got a closet full of your promises. 113 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,100 What's the matter with your arm? 114 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:55,539 You noticed. 115 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:59,780 I didn't want you to notice me upset you like that. What is it? What's the 116 00:06:59,780 --> 00:07:00,780 matter? No, no, you told me. 117 00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:03,680 I was on the subway. 40 seconds for you. The guy got on. He must have been 118 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,500 drunk. His head got caught right in the doors. I went over. I rushed. I opened 119 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:07,780 the doors. Nobody got his head out. 120 00:07:08,020 --> 00:07:12,960 Oh, but you saved that. It hurts, huh? 121 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:14,720 It's all right. I can live with it. 122 00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:16,140 I'm going to get a beer. 123 00:07:16,380 --> 00:07:18,900 You're coming with me? I'm taking you straight to the doctor. I've already 124 00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,640 to a doctor. Now I can do without the operation. 125 00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:23,100 What operation? 126 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,560 I told you, if I get the operation, I can't afford it anyway. 127 00:07:26,289 --> 00:07:29,670 Don't die with your teeth. Let me do this for you. 128 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:30,950 Thank you. 129 00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:35,510 How much is the operation? 130 00:07:36,930 --> 00:07:37,930 $500. 131 00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:44,330 Still, $500 is not so much for an operation. It is to me. 132 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:49,370 Houston, I'm going to loan you the money. Oh, no, I can't ask you to do 133 00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:50,490 don't want to hear another word out of you. 134 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:54,060 We're friends, aren't we? You do the same for me. You owe me $500. 135 00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:57,380 I told you, I don't want to hear another one. I don't mean to do it. I swear I 136 00:07:57,380 --> 00:07:59,760 don't. Where's my checkbook? You usually keep it in the middle drawer, right? 137 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:04,680 Huh? 138 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,840 You bunco artist. 139 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,020 Have you no shame? 140 00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:13,460 No. 141 00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:17,280 It's not enough that you come home late for dinner, but you give me that sleazy 142 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,140 story about subways and arms. 143 00:08:19,390 --> 00:08:22,110 Well, I gave it a shot. Didn't work. I gotta find something else. Thought you 144 00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:24,990 could play on my sympathy, didn't you? But I'm too smart for you. 145 00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:27,670 That's $500. 146 00:08:27,790 --> 00:08:28,850 I'm telling you this, mister. 147 00:08:29,330 --> 00:08:30,950 It's your mark for a trash masher. 148 00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:33,350 Why don't you give it to me? We'll live with loose garbage. 149 00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:35,690 Now hear this, Madison. 150 00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:40,090 New rules. I'm laying down the law. From now on, no more late for dinner and no 151 00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:41,909 more crazy stories about the subway. Comprende? 152 00:08:43,169 --> 00:08:45,890 Eat your meatloaf. It's good. Will you stop nagging? I'll eat it already. 153 00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:48,770 expecting me to dinner tomorrow night, you better be on time because I'm having 154 00:08:48,770 --> 00:08:49,790 the sofisticados here. 155 00:08:50,010 --> 00:08:51,010 What are sofisticados? 156 00:08:51,370 --> 00:08:54,310 You know my band, the sofisticados. Don't make any remarks. Come on. 157 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:55,830 How's it doing you back? 158 00:08:56,130 --> 00:08:57,510 I told you, no smart remarks. 159 00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,690 My band's doing all right. 160 00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:01,810 We need one good break, that's all. 161 00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:05,030 Yeah, like Ma Gump getting pregnant. 162 00:09:08,390 --> 00:09:10,430 Ma Gump is pregnant. 163 00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,910 That's why you need the $500, isn't it? 164 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,760 This is the last time I'm getting your dessert. 165 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,980 Hey, Oscar, you raised the money. You're coming to pay off. Well, not exactly. 166 00:09:32,420 --> 00:09:35,660 Boy, howdy. Wait a minute, will you? Now, did Billy Joe get a band for the 167 00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:39,300 party? No, he didn't, and he's all riled up about it. Don't worry, I'm going to 168 00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:40,300 rile him down. 169 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,720 Dad, burn it. I almost got Ma Gump's sister Hoedown Harriet to play for us, 170 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,580 she won't work on Gabby Hay's birthday. 171 00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:50,470 Uh, buddy, you come to pay up? 172 00:09:50,830 --> 00:09:53,790 Well, listen, Billy Joe, I've been thinking you're a rich man. Now, what 173 00:09:53,790 --> 00:09:54,790 money mean to you? 174 00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:56,110 Everything. 175 00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,890 Well, I was thinking about paying you up on something more important than money. 176 00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:00,110 Oh, you got oil? 177 00:10:00,210 --> 00:10:03,390 Something more important than that. I can get you a band for your party. 178 00:10:03,830 --> 00:10:06,930 Don't play with me, buddy. I'm not playing with you. Now, I can get you a 179 00:10:06,930 --> 00:10:09,390 It won't cost you a penny. I'll donate it to your favorite charity. 180 00:10:10,130 --> 00:10:13,350 Hey, you know, now, that would really pull me out of the well, buddy. You can 181 00:10:13,350 --> 00:10:17,770 get me a real country band. The country... Well, you get me a country 182 00:10:17,770 --> 00:10:20,570 I'll forget the $500 you owe me. Hey, that's a deal. 183 00:10:20,930 --> 00:10:22,510 Oh, good. Hey, wait a minute, old buddy. 184 00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:23,970 What name is your band? 185 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:27,450 Oh, uh, Felix Red River Unger and his Saddlesores. 186 00:10:28,230 --> 00:10:31,550 Oh, and they play the country -est music you ever heard in your life. 187 00:10:31,850 --> 00:10:32,850 Do I? 188 00:10:33,810 --> 00:10:36,330 Felix Unger and the Sophisticados, ladies and gentlemen. 189 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,060 If we're so good, how come we can't get a gig? 190 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:54,680 We will, we will, Vern. It just takes a little time. That's all. 191 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:58,760 Don't get down. Yeah, listen, I read somewhere where it took Ishka Bibble a 192 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:02,000 six years before he made it big. There you are, there you are. You said we'd 193 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,240 work, we'd be singing. We will. There's a call for sophisticated music. 194 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:08,880 Hey, look, music's on. It's horrific out in the hall. Play another one, will 195 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,960 you, fellas? Yeah, okay, come on, let's go. Did I hear anyone say horns up? 196 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:21,040 What's your crazy story this time? Making a baby shower for Ma Gump? I'm 197 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,360 Stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. 198 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,100 Maybe not interested in the job. 199 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:27,839 What job? 200 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:29,580 For you and the band. That's why I'm late. 201 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,720 Where? At the Ritz Towers. It's for some football fans. They're here to see the 202 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:38,020 Jets game. The Ritz Towers? Fellas, I told you we'd work. Oh, that's so great. 203 00:11:38,140 --> 00:11:41,660 I'm sorry. I snapped at you, Oscar. Stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. 204 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:42,940 Hey, that's a good one, Oscar. 205 00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:47,570 How much do we get paid? 206 00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:48,830 Try nothing. 207 00:11:49,170 --> 00:11:50,250 Nothing? Yeah. 208 00:11:50,670 --> 00:11:51,690 Nothing doing, buddy. 209 00:11:52,270 --> 00:11:55,770 This is a charity. A band gets to be heard by a lot of rich people. Who knows 210 00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:56,770 what can happen? 211 00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:57,729 Charity? Yeah. 212 00:11:57,730 --> 00:11:58,830 Do we have to dance with the singles? 213 00:11:59,090 --> 00:12:00,090 No, no mixing. 214 00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:03,870 What do you say? Rich Towers. Hey, that's a very sophisticated room. 215 00:12:04,070 --> 00:12:06,050 Let's do it, guys. What do you say? Yeah, let's go. 216 00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:11,530 Thank you. Let's do a song for Oscar. Yeah, I like a folksy one. Number 23. 217 00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,050 Okay. Folksy. 218 00:12:14,730 --> 00:12:15,449 Golly gee. 219 00:12:15,450 --> 00:12:18,810 Jeepers, creepers. Where'd you get them? Where'd you get those creepers? 220 00:12:19,450 --> 00:12:22,630 Jeepers, creepers. Where'd you get them? Where'd you get those eyes? Where'd you 221 00:12:22,630 --> 00:12:23,630 get them? 222 00:12:26,050 --> 00:12:27,050 Golly gee. 223 00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:29,550 When you turn those heaters on. 224 00:12:29,770 --> 00:12:31,130 Woe is me. 225 00:12:31,970 --> 00:12:33,610 Gotta put my cheaters on. 226 00:12:34,350 --> 00:12:35,650 Jeepers, creepers. 227 00:12:35,990 --> 00:12:37,630 Where'd you get those creepers? 228 00:12:37,910 --> 00:12:41,230 Oh, those weakers. How they hypnotize. 229 00:12:41,670 --> 00:12:43,330 Where'd you get those eyes? Eyes. 230 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:44,930 Where'd you get those thighs? 231 00:12:46,210 --> 00:12:46,510 You 232 00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:57,190 don't 233 00:12:57,190 --> 00:12:58,190 want to see this room, do you? 234 00:12:58,650 --> 00:13:01,630 Of course I want to see it. I've got to check the acoustics, the microphone. I 235 00:13:01,630 --> 00:13:02,910 already checked them out on the telephone. 236 00:13:03,110 --> 00:13:04,970 You can't check them on the telephone. 237 00:13:07,470 --> 00:13:08,470 What's this? What's what? 238 00:13:09,910 --> 00:13:10,910 Straw on the floor. 239 00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:12,530 That's right, it looks like straw. 240 00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:16,090 What's this stuff? What is it? Oh, this is fertilizer. 241 00:13:16,470 --> 00:13:19,690 Yes, look at this. A nice microphone goes up and down for a nice thing like 242 00:13:19,690 --> 00:13:20,730 this. What a mess. 243 00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:25,250 Look who I'm talking to about a mess. The acoustics are pretty nice. You hit 244 00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:26,510 straw, it comes right back to you. 245 00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:28,910 Kids, I'll tell you that. It's real. Why? It's a big operation. 246 00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:32,330 Scholars are a class act. We will not perform in this ambiance. 247 00:13:32,670 --> 00:13:35,310 It's a great ambiance. Maybe the other guys will like this ambiance. 248 00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:36,590 Hey, Oscar. 249 00:13:36,630 --> 00:13:37,890 Glad you're here, buddy. 250 00:13:38,090 --> 00:13:39,790 Oh, hi, Billy Joe. Nice to see you. 251 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:42,950 Billy Joe, I'd like to meet my roommate and your conductor for tonight. 252 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,200 He came in to check the room. 253 00:13:44,580 --> 00:13:46,900 Well, now, I'm mighty pleased to shake your hand, Red River. 254 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,500 Red River, where are your saddle sores? 255 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:55,399 I want. 256 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,340 Come on, Red, let's go. So this good old boy's going to make my people happy, 257 00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,680 huh? Well, I want to keep it moving, buddy. 258 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,120 I want this place to shake like two tomcats in a gunny sack. 259 00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,540 I want Action Boy action. You're going to have this place cleaned up, aren't 260 00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:06,540 you? Clean? 261 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,980 I had these decorations flown in all the way from Texas just for this here barn 262 00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:10,980 dance. 263 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,299 Barn dance? 264 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:13,300 That's right. 265 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:17,840 Ribs done spit, beer in the keg, grandpa's dancing on a wooden leg. He 266 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,940 spinning around and around till he screwed himself right in the ground. 267 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:28,680 Can I talk to you for a 268 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:29,680 moment, Oscar? 269 00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:32,460 And 270 00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:40,420 that's 271 00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:42,240 what Oscar wanted us to lower ourselves to. 272 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:43,379 Country music. 273 00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:45,960 What's that difference? What kind of music do you play? A band's a band, 274 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,700 That from a man who had a jukebox at his wedding. 275 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,600 All right, fellas. All together. 276 00:14:51,940 --> 00:14:52,940 No dice. 277 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:53,960 Oscar. And. 278 00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:59,980 Come on. And. 279 00:15:01,780 --> 00:15:02,920 You mean you guys will play? 280 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,360 Maybe we should, Felix. Look, I mean, I'm a policeman. 281 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:10,720 Ellen's an interior decorator. Bob's a butcher. And Vern's a gynecologist. 282 00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:13,930 I mean, we're just a bunch of guys playing for fun. 283 00:15:15,350 --> 00:15:16,890 Degradation is not fun. 284 00:15:17,130 --> 00:15:18,130 It could be. 285 00:15:20,410 --> 00:15:23,310 It will be fun. Bob's a great country fiddle player. 286 00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,150 Yeah, Oscar could play the washboard. 287 00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:28,150 He's never even been near a washboard. 288 00:15:29,710 --> 00:15:31,470 Fellas, I'm warning you, count me out. 289 00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:33,090 You're out. 290 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:37,870 Who'll lead the band? 291 00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:40,970 I'll lead the band. Oh, that's a hot one. 292 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,279 Ho, ho, ho! 293 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,080 Come on, you always make a big deal, and I could do it. It's easy. 294 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:46,560 What do you say, fellas? 295 00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:50,440 Yeah, let's play, huh? Thanks a lot, fellas. Just remember, without Felix 296 00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:52,260 you're not a band. You're just a mob. 297 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,980 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have bigger fish to fry. 298 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,400 I think he's a little peeved on. How is this all losing? 299 00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:00,060 What do we do now? We play a song. 300 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:01,680 Which one? 301 00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:02,760 Billy Joe. You know what he likes? 302 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,040 Uh, Coming Around the Mountain. Okay. All right, but you better lead us, 303 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,700 we don't know this one too good. What do you want? 304 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:11,040 Get it with the baton. Oh, it'll be my pleasure. Well, it's easy. Here we go. 305 00:16:16,180 --> 00:16:18,740 What are you doing, fellas? 306 00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:20,460 Come on, play it. Where are you playing it from? 307 00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:22,140 Let's go. 308 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,480 In the middle. Play it in the middle. 309 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,200 Why don't you play it fast and you play it slow? What is it? In the middle. 310 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:29,480 Well, you were leading us. 311 00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:32,120 You mean you watched the guy with the baton? 312 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,660 It looks so easy. 313 00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:37,880 Let's do something we all know, like I got spurs that jingle jangle. Okay, 314 00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:38,900 anything. Come on. 315 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:44,440 Wait, 316 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,840 wait, wait. Vern, you're playing in the wrong key. 317 00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:50,500 Me? You guys are off. 318 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:52,760 All right. Oscar, who was playing in the wrong key? Yeah. 319 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,140 Sounded great to me. 320 00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:57,160 Felix would know who's off. 321 00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:58,960 Oh, I sure miss Felix. 322 00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:00,300 All right, we'll get him back. 323 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,260 How? Oh, play that. 324 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,720 Thunder the Pioneer song. The tumbling weeds. What a tumbling tumbling weed. 325 00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:06,780 Play that. 326 00:17:09,099 --> 00:17:11,940 There they go rumbling down. 327 00:17:14,260 --> 00:17:18,220 Black angel off to the ground. 328 00:17:20,099 --> 00:17:23,220 There they go singing that song. 329 00:17:34,860 --> 00:17:35,880 I'm sorry, Felix. 330 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:41,600 And... I'm sorry, Felix. Very good. You were on the wrong key before, Bert. Yes. 331 00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:42,820 All right. 332 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,980 That detestable mountain thing. Horns up. 333 00:17:45,540 --> 00:17:47,000 Con molto spirito. 334 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:52,020 She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes. Yahoo! 335 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:56,120 She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes. Yeah, yeah, go! 336 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,460 She'll be coming round the mountain. She'll be coming round the mountain. 337 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,520 She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes. 338 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:02,800 Woo! 339 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,320 Tumbling, tumbling, tumbling, tumbling. 340 00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:31,820 Tumbling. 341 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:35,460 Red River Underground is tattled to us, ladies and gentlemen. 342 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:37,740 You are. 343 00:18:38,860 --> 00:18:39,860 Ah -ha! 344 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,040 Hey! 345 00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:46,040 Big fuzz, men. 346 00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:47,660 Don't make one. 347 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,660 Oscar? Oscar. 348 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:55,520 Oscar. Hey, you're a big hit here, Red River. I am in love with country music. 349 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:56,199 love it. 350 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,500 What? This coming from the leader of the sophisticated? 351 00:18:58,860 --> 00:19:01,960 I love it. What can I tell you? Hey, Billy Joe, having a good time? Hi there, 352 00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:04,100 partner. Pull up barrel and set spell. 353 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,860 Think the rain will hurt the rhubarb? Not if it's in the can, it won't. 354 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:08,780 Oscar, 355 00:19:09,420 --> 00:19:12,840 I got a hand of you, old boy. That band is sharper than a cackle. Oh, it ain't 356 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:13,840 nothing. 357 00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:16,880 Well, thank you, buddy. You really know how to pay off on a poker debt. 358 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:20,520 What poker debt? 359 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,780 I think I'll mosey on down. 360 00:19:25,580 --> 00:19:26,860 I told it right here. What poker day? 361 00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:30,460 Felix, why don't you play Tumbling Tumbleweeds again? I love the way you do 362 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,040 and they go crazy. Dang the message. 363 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:32,919 What message? 364 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,080 You got into a great big poker game with Billy Joe Grissom, didn't you? Yeah, 365 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,200 well, I went down there. Yeah, and you lost your shirt, didn't you? Well, I 366 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,240 wasn't. Then you had the bright idea of paying off with my band, right? What was 367 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:42,360 I going to do? I owed them $500. 368 00:19:43,340 --> 00:19:48,500 You sold out the sophisticatos for $500 measly dollars? How low can you get? 369 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:52,380 Hey, Red River, I'm going to cool it off, boy. Let's have a square dance. 370 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:56,070 Why don't you call the square dancer? You could yell at me later, yeah? 371 00:19:57,170 --> 00:19:58,310 You call it. What? 372 00:19:58,790 --> 00:20:02,590 You call it. It's your mess. You clean it up for it. You clean it up for it. 373 00:20:02,590 --> 00:20:03,569 clean it up for it. You clean it up for it. 374 00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:04,570 You clean it up for it. You clean it up for it. You clean it up for it. 375 00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:25,560 Touch your toe. Shuffle up the buffalo. 376 00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:27,740 Grab your bun and wrap your socks. 377 00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:30,720 A dozen bagels upon the lot. Save an haircut. 378 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,080 Stupid. 379 00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:38,380 Hold it. 380 00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:39,820 Hold it. 381 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:44,880 Now, what in thunder was that? I almost choked on my garters on that last line, 382 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,580 boy. I'm sorry, Billy. You know, I think it ought to take about $500 out of your 383 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,580 high. 384 00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:57,340 That's crazy old and his bunkhouse boomer. Let's hear it for him. 385 00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,380 Okay, now we'll have the real bar dance. You ready, fellas? 386 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,080 Thanks, Bill. Nothing to it, partner. 387 00:21:02,780 --> 00:21:06,460 Bow to your partners, coroners, all. Wave to the pretty gal. Cross the hall. 388 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:12,060 Alleman, left with your left hand. Back to your partner, right, left, right. 389 00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:42,730 circle south. Let a little sunshine in your mouth. Drop your hands and single 390 00:21:42,730 --> 00:21:44,950 file. Go back home Indian style. 391 00:21:45,170 --> 00:21:46,690 One, two, three, four. 392 00:21:48,410 --> 00:21:50,290 When you get there, swing and whirl. 393 00:21:50,510 --> 00:21:52,290 Swing and swing, that pretty little girl. 394 00:21:59,470 --> 00:22:03,030 Okay, Oscar, show your style. Come on up and dance a while. 395 00:22:03,290 --> 00:22:06,730 No, thank you. I'll stay right here. You have fun. I'll drink my beer. 396 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,300 I know that you refuse to do -si -do. 397 00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:13,260 Don't you squeal, I'll do my debts. That's better than having... 398 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,500 Felix Red River hunger and his saddle soars from high atop the beautiful Ritz 399 00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:17,380 Towers overlooking Gotham by the sea, asking the musical question, good night. 400 00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:21,840 Now au revoir, a bit of a tweet tweet, a bit of a toodle doodle, bon cheerio. 401 00:23:41,550 --> 00:23:45,110 I should be angry at you, but I had so much fun, I can't be. Look, there's just 402 00:23:45,110 --> 00:23:46,049 one more thing. 403 00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:48,310 Don't let the band pack up. Billy Joe wants to sing one song. 404 00:23:49,070 --> 00:23:50,090 Is there no end? 405 00:23:50,550 --> 00:23:53,370 Is there no end? How long does it take to sing one of those songs? Everything 406 00:23:53,370 --> 00:23:54,370 will be all right. Come on. 31762

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